S.H.O.R.T.I.E.S.

S.H.O.R.T.I.E.S =

Seriously,
Height
Only
Reminds
The
Intellectual
&
Educated
*of*
Shallowness

Ok, so I added an "o"...sue me but how great is that acronym! But before you start getting all defensive, know this:

1) I'm like 5'6...ish
2) if you don't believe me, take ya ass to Home Depot or Lowes (you know, the place where you can buy the Mimi shower rods at), find the aisle where the measuring tapes are, come measure me (no pun intended), and get an answer, to your question.
3) cool your jets because you're about to read some real sh*t!

I digress,

*class is in session*

Peep the scenario:
Rita and Candice are best friends. Candice, has a man, whom she loves and has been with for over 3 yrs. Rita on the other hand: runs thru men like newborn babies do diapers! Rita, tired of dealing with “dudes who aint bout sh**,” often calls Candice to vent about the shortage of good men. Candice, frustrated, decides to tell Rita about Jon: a co-worker she often talks to during her lunch break.

Jon: a recent college school grad with a M.A. in Dental Sciences, outgoing, personable, under 700 followers on Instagram, has often been called, “the light skin Morris Chestnut,” cooks a mean mac & cheese with some garlic mashed potatoes, and fried chicken, has his own place, pays his own rent/bills, loves reality tv on his down time, and single...gets set up on a blind date with Rita.

Candice, having talked to Rita before she goes out on her date, forgot to disclose one thing

…his height.

Rita, standing tall at 5’1" (5’6" in heels) swore to NEVER date a man under 6 foot! When Rita finds out that Jon is 5’8", she is no longer interested. Candice, mad as all hell, decides to hook Rita up with Maggie: aspiring model/IHOP waitress, which results in a “happy ending".

This scenario may sound crazy but trust me, it's real! How many times have you heard,

“Oh damn, he got it going on like that?!
Wait, what you say girl...he’s what?!?!
How tall!?!?"
*dial tone*

I feel a lot women have irrational, illogical, and idiotic height preferences these days, especially the ones that are short as sh**! The average height for a man is 5’9 BUT for some odd reason, to ladies, that’s still considered short! Short dudes (myself included) who are shorter than the average, get thrown waaay under the proverbial short yellow bus more times than none. The fact that a woman can say in one instance, “I’m not dating him because he looks like he could be my lil brother,” and then turn around say, “I rather date a dude who hustles & keeps me on his IG," to me, that is utterly f****** absurd!

Now I know you're laughing but this way of thinking is also associated with:
•If I’m 6'5" and a jerk to people: then I’m just a jerk.
•If I’m 5'5" and I’m a jerk to people: then I have Napoleon Complex.
•If I’m 6'5" driving a truck: then that's ok.
•If I’m 5'5" driving a truck: then I’m overcompensating.

Exactly...what the F***!

The women who are fully self-aware, still take part in this tom-f***ery, saying things like, "girl I know I’m wrong, but how’s it gonna look when I bring my midget man to the family BBQ and they get him confused for one of my students?". Yup, I know you're laughing, but just imagine if the tables were turned and we as men went around saying, “man, I know I’m wrong for saying this, but aint it gonna look weird when I bring that big b**** to the family BBQ and she eats all the damn food? Now my auntie lookin at me like I did sumthin wrong!”

Shallow, s***! 

The same females that indict men on charges for being too picky/superficial, are the same ones that attend mass services at Holy Double Standard I’ll Pass on The Short Men Community Baptist Church, are shallow-super duper-ficial ass females that need to plank off the Empire State building. Do I honestly care that a female isn’t going pick me over a tall dude like fat kids, Asians, and nerds are picked last for dodge ball? Yes, just a little! But I care because I'm quite sure (outside of my height) ima qualified candidate to be some woman's future baby daddy/side piece/MCM (man crush monday)/King/BF/husband or whatever.

What makes the situation even funnier is that some women will get all Bill Nye The Science Guy and say sh*t like, "a tall man? Honey I needs one! I need to feel like safe, secure, like I'm in a Snuggie when I'm in his arms...not a hand towel (making reference to being with a short man)." Average height for a woman is 5’4...5-flippin-4! Now, for those who wear heels, hell, kudos to you, I love me a woman in some heels; nothing is sexier! But when you're not in heels and yo ass is short, I mean to the point where I can rest my chin on yo forehead, you have no damn right to call me nor any other dude that's taller than you, short. I understand the importance of physical attraction, and I’m sure those who are reading this will remind me of that as well but unless you're already tall (5'8" and up) you can't be out here being picky when your dad stayed with your mama and her ass was wearing weave since Jim Crow days and he STILL ain't see her natural hair!

Your preference is taller men, why? Because you're afraid of what your friends are gonna say about you when they see you out and about with a man who is either slightly shorter or your height? You wanna feel secure? Oh, you WANT a man that's tall? How about HAVING a man that will "stand tall" in the face of adversity! Spare me with the heels sh** because no secure man will even think twice and say some sh** like, "heels? I mean, you sure you wanna be that much taller than me babe, I mean, we only going to Red Lobster!" Noooooo, a real man isn't gonna care! Unless you're tall already, that height preference makes you shallow - there, I said it. I understand your preference is that of your own, but if you not that tall, yo ass don't need to be that choosy. You're attracted to men with some height, I get it. You wanna be able to look up at him, I get it. A guys preference for titts and ass is just that...titts and ass, not, "oh babe, make sure those titties don't pop out while you're drinking your daiquiri!"

Who gives a f*** about yo preference! (French Montana voice)

If you're dating a man who cares about height...don't waste your time, energy, nor attention because 8/10, he's gonna bring that sh*t up continuously. Now I like tall chicks, I would date one in a heartbeat, just like I would date a short one because the only few things that matter to me is: how great her personality is, is she educated, will she compliment me, and will she let me eat her p****, the way Niko did Mimi! So you damn right I’m mad when I get rejected by tall ass Lisa Leslie with the 38D breast, Buffie booty, pretty feet, and smile that out shine the sun. I also get mad when ol’ brown skin Kelly Rowland with the curly natural hair and the booty that look like two apples in her jeans tell me, “na chocolate…I’ll pass!” when we're virtually the same F***ING HEIGHT! You're wiling to pass up a good man because you can't look up at him and eye fu** him? Please, get ya life! Don't say, "oh, you're saying that because you're short," no, I'm saying that because height (unless you're already tall) doesn't matter. You know how many times I've been curved by taller women because they didn't feel secure (yup, I'm pretty sure a few of you are reading this and will hit me up and ask)? Many! If I don't care about my height, why should you? 

-signed, every short man in America!

I'm completely understanding of preference but if you're not tall...why be so picky? Do women not admire confidence in a man?

Lemme hear what you gotta say

@renaissance_brotha_

Tuuh...Like You Know What I Want

Me: "I know what women want, and it's not that basic mess ya'll post on Instagram and or Facebook, or retweet on Twitter...it goes much deeper than that, trust!"
Female friend: "Oh yea? So you really think you're Steve Harvey huh? Tuuh, you're not Ant, you don't have a clue at all, as what it is that women WANT!"
Me: "No I don't think I'm Steve Harvey..he's bald and warm brown, I'm..."
Female friend: "Wait wait wait, did you just say he was warm brown tho? (chuckle) I'm sorry but that was..."
Me: "I don't mean to cut you off but, I don't think I'm Steve Harvey...well, then again, a lil bit."
Female friend: "Maybe you should do a blog on that and see how it goes. I guarantee you're off."

So, here's the thing: what DO women want?

I'm 25 20-somethin, and in the course of my dating career I've had a lot of ups and downs all of which have helped me get a basic sense of what it is that women want. I've had a lot of conversations with women in college to women who've been married for decades! Out of all those conversations I've learned this:

1) women do NOT like questions!
and
2) ...men need to be more attentive when it comes to the basics of dealing with women in general.

So, today's class will be all about: what a woman wants. Pay attention, save all questions till afterwards, but most importantly...take notes fellas!

*class is in session*

1) S-E-XXXXX:
And I'm not talking about sex here and there, I'm talking sex on a consistent basis! Here's the thing: MOST SOME women enjoy sex just as much as any man, hell, if not more! I'm willing to bet your homegirls probably enjoy it waaaay more than you (I know a lot of mine do). The key is to keep the sex interesting and good, if not great. Don't just penetrate in those boring positions, add some spice to it! Lay her on her back and put her legs on your shoulders and stroke her fast and slow and run your tongue around her nipples...women love the nipple foreplay. Also, DON'T BE AFRAID TO GO DOWNTOWN! Also, surprise her with breakfast in bed and even give her some oral while she's eating: breakfast in bed=breakfast and head! #Winning

2) Be A Support System:
One of the things some of us men let fall by the waistline is not being a support system to the one we love. Without a doubt, a woman wants to KNOW that if she had a dream about quitting her job that she hates so much and goes into work that same day and quits, no matter how irrational it might seem at the moment, she wants to know that you'll be there to support her decision and her actions thereafter. Corny as this may sound but, "teamwork will make the dream work" more times than none! Reassuring her that you have her back and that you will defend her when it is necessary...goes a long way. Like a NBA basketball team has cheerleaders, women need to know and FEEL that she is being supported no matter what.

3) "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T Do You Know What That Means!?":
Yup, Beyonce, Kelly, & Solange Michelle sang it best, "all the la-dies, who indepen-dent! Throw your hands up...somewhere" idk, anywho, women run sh*t! I mean, I know A LOT of women who get things done without the help of any man and to me, that's sexy! In order for a relationship to be successful (and this is just my opinion) you have to be a lil selfish, in order to to be selfless. What that means is: a woman must first love and honor and be able to take care of herself before she can take care of her man...because what good is it if you try to teach your man to cook and you can't even toast some bread. If she wants to plan things for the two of you to do, allow her to do so. If she asks for your input, input, otherwise, let her be. Point being: she needs space to be who she is and like the old saying goes, "behind every good man, there's a good woman."

4) "L-O-V-E-E-E-E and Affection":
Thanks to Steve Harvey and his Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man book, women have become more and more emotionless but honestly...it's all a defense mechanism. It doesn't matter how bad she's been hurt by her past; all she really wants is some love and affection at the end of the day. Someone who won't give up on her (that goes back to #2) and someone who will hug her even, at times she doesn't even need a hug and she has her guard/wall up. That right there will help bring that guard down. Forms of affection: hugs, kisses to different parts of her body (cheeks, lips, nose, forehead, neck, hell, even her stretch marks), cuddling/spooning, flowers, and even a massage...shoulder or a foot massage are usually the best forms.

5) Babe...You're Beautiful:
And it doesn't even have to necessarily be beautiful, it can be any other variation of the word, just as long as it comes from you. This is a huge and I mean a HUGE deal! (put a star next to this). Ask any female in your family and I'm sure they will agree that compliments are key in any relationship/marriage! Annddd, what you WON'T do...yea, I'm sure you know the rest of that statement.

6) Good Ol' QT:
Quality timeeee, she just want some quality timeeee! Sure, hangin' out with her girls is fun, but spending time with you...it means THAT much more to her. With school and or work or even if she has children, getting the chance to spend time with you and just you means more than any text message or FaceTime or phone call ya'll can have. It's important for couples to spend face to face tome together to help with the times you guys DON'T get see each other. The more time you spend together, the more memories, the better connection and I'm speaking from experience. Spending time is an indicator that you really DO care and she's not just any ol' girl.

and last but not least,

7) ...You Are Appreciated:
There's nobody on the face of this Earth that doesn't want to be appreciated! Hell, I know I do, and the way you guys do that is...by telling everybody about this blogspot lol.

Joking (but not really)

Admiration for your girl goes a long way as well. If she's doing good in school, let her know. If she tried her hardest to cook a meal that you particularly like, but didn't do such a great job like mama do, praise her nonetheless. Let her know that you appreciate her for all that she does for you and for the relationship because sacrifices were made, and those have helped shape the relationship into what it is today. Mostly importantly before I concluded...let her know you're proud of her, period, point, blank! (underline and circle that last sentence).

Now in conclusion, the list was basic BUT, it will help you in your relationship. Take heed to what was said and apply them and you will be a better man for it.

Any feedback, please feel free.

*class dismissed*

@renaissance_brotha