If you know me then you know my stance; there's a difference between a n***a and a man. If you're a fan of 2 Pac and his music (like many are) than you will enjoy his song, "Rather Be Ya N****!". Now, before you even read the rest of this blog, take a moment and listen to thisTupac - Rather Be Ya N****
Done? Alrighty, I digress...
Pac paints the perfect illustration of what a good portion of women (early 20s - early 30s) go for these days: n***as! And when I say n***as, I mean thugs, d-boys, hustlas, goons, bad boys, etc and etc.
Now in today's class we will be discussing why, he'd rather be ya...n-*-*-*-a!
*class is in session*
I know what you're thinkin, "not me, uh-uh, I don't like them kinda males!" Pssh, child please. Here's the thing: these dudes may not have a bunch of degrees to keep them warm at night, he may not look like Michael Ealy or Idris Elba, hell, he might not even look like Cee-Lo Green, but guess what? He lives by his own rules and could give a damn about what anybody thinks and or says. He's the type of dude to hold his tongue for no one and won't allow any sh*t...kinda like your grandmother. He's the dude who has some book knowledge but has learned more from the streets. Society shuns these types of dudes, but who cares, he's a, "get it by any means" kinda dude and although that may not be EXACTLY what you want, he's typically the type of dude you go for.
Now, a lot of you may think this is crazy but I want you to be honest with yourselfL think about the kinda dudes that YOU like, vs. the kinda that you usually date...don't worry, I'll wait...
...done? Ok, good, let's move on.
A lot of women aren't making the first move because since Adam and Eve, you women have been wanting the guy to be apprehensive and all kinds of sh*t! (yup, I went there). The guy who shows the most interest, usually wins the girl vs the guy that wants the girl to chase him...she ain't about that life playboy (in my Birdman voice). Most pretty boys tend to have a plethora of females, so they know what to say and how to get a girl with no problem. On the flip-side to that tho is, if you're eye f***ing him or even flirting just a lil, he might be slightly apprehensive to approach you and why? Because dudes like that don't do well with rejection. Now a n***a on the other hand has no problem talking to you while you're out with your girls at the mall or having brunch with your sister and bestie and why? Because life has taught him that closed mouths don't get fed and to get ahead, you need to speak up, so, he applies that theory with talking to women. Remember how Loc Dog (Don't Be A Menace In South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood) was at the party tryna holla at that chick? That's EXACTLY how dudes are these days, YOLO (no Drake tho). These are the type of dudes who could give a flying squirrel penis about being rejected. It doesn't matter if she pulls up to the club with her ceiling missing, he's gonna holla. It doesn't matter if he notices she's out with her man and he steps away from her, he's gonna holla. Now sure, that last example is crazy, but it happens a lot. What I'm tryna say is: it doesn't matter if she's a woman with a PH.D or a chick who strips, if he likes what he sees, he's going for it, period, point, blank. These dudes are like DMX, "aaaaaa-yo b****! What's ya name?!" They may not be AS aggressive but you get what I'm saying. They keep the hood chicks happy and turn the good girls bad. This may not be your type but guess what boo boo: he was persistent, showed a lil respect, he was available, and he said some things that you wouldn't normally allow but it made you smile and...females like smiling. In your head, you're like, "ima take this fool number because I don't want him blowing my phone up," and once you get bored and decide to use that number and he picks up or responds back to your text in a timely manner...he wins you over. I know a lot of you "women" are saying, "nope, not me, not never! I need me a sophisticated, ambitious brother." I know all of that SOUNDS good but if a young Bobby Brown (circa "Every Little Step I Take") was to step to you...his ass will cause a tsunami in your Vickys!
Think about this:
Somewhere in the world a pretty young lady is single, but is dealing with two different types of dudes. On one hand she's dealing with Phil: an overachiever with a degree in liberal arts, but goes postal whenever someone misspells his name. Sure, on paper he's a good catch but guess what? In this economy, it's virtually hard to find a job with a degree in liberal arts so...all that anger and frustration he's feeling, he takes it out on you. Do any of these sound familiar:
"Hey babe, can you lend me some money so I can fill up my tank?"
"Ahhh, I'm short on my phone bill this month, let me get some money till pay day."
And when ya'll fighting, what does he do...
"You think I need to stay here? I'm helping you the f*** out! I can be at my mamas!"
SMH, callin you all out your name and lets not even TALK about the sex...
"Bad mon stroke, bad mon stroke...bullet, bullet! (9 mins later) You want some juice babe?"
Yup, sounds like a real good catch to me! Dude can manage a McDonalds but he can't fry chicken, can't give you head but will have his penis danglin in front of your face every other night, he can't make you cum, and has the conversational skills to that of a third grader during test time. Now on the other hand, you have Tone who barely graduated high school, took classes at the local community college but after a few weeks, decided it wasn't for him, "hustles", and has turned his mother's basement into a studio apartment. He makes sure you have money to go shoppin, keeps your hair and nails did, has learned a lil sumthin' sumthin' from his mom in the kitchen, will "beat the p**** uppp" whenever and WHEREver, and will put you in your place when you're wrong. The two of the dudes described are both lacking. Just because Tone is a lil rough around the edges, doesn't mean you should put him on the back burner so quickly. Pac rapped, "I rather be ya n-*-*-*-a/so we can get drunk and smoke weed all day/it don't matter if you lonely baby, you need a thug in ya life/these bustas aint lovin ya right" and also told women to keep their heads up and I'm quite sure if he were alive today, he'd still get a lot of love! Dudes like Tone will grind and hustle and work for what they want and won't think to ask you for anything but dudes like Phil will talk down to you, turn around and ask you to buy him the new Jordans and then go on Instagram or Facebook and brag about how he stay fly...bulls***! Phil is cool with the fact that sooner than later he'll get an entry level position, with mediocre benefits and won't even treat you out to dinner and a movie but will suggest a Netflix night with pizza and Coronas. Dudes like Tone tho, you know how they stay winning? Because their hearts are really made of gold but will be to the aid of his homeboy if called upon and will knock the teeth out of a dude's mouth if he ever disrespects you.
"But, Tone sounds like he's trouble in the long run...why would any RATIONAL woman think about messing with him?" - Steph (student)
You're right, why WOULD any rational woman decide to mess with him...
What seems black and white to you, won't be that way for someone else. Every situation is different, you know, so you have to handle it accordingly. Dudes like Tone can be changed, with time but the bigger question is...how long are you willing to wait around for?
A female will allow a dude who's into the street life to tell them things lil by lil by lil by lil and will be perfectly fine with that, but what about after a year passes, and then another year...you don't even realize it but, that's doing nothin for your relationship. Cops raid your spot, you in court like, "judge, I seriously thought he was a manager at Target! We always had Dove body wash and Glade plug-ins." Boo boo, find (clap hands) out (clap hands) what (clap hands) he (clap hands) does (clap hands) for (clap hands) a (clap hands) living! If you givin up the cookie, he should be givin up info as to what it is that he does for a living. Every woman should have the choice of staying or going in the relationship, and shouldn't have to bare the burden of problems that could've been handled once "I love you" gets said because by then...it's too damn late! Ask questions, evaluate, and then decide if you’re about that life.
If n****s had higher education to go along with street smarts they’d be dangerous! The thing is it’s never too late to educate yourselves and use your brain to succeed in a different avenue of life. Most of my boys who are in the life are smarter than those I went to college with, but how do you translate that to a resume, to a position, to real money? You need someone to drive you. Clearly his parents didn’t do all they could or he wouldn’t be in that life, so he needs other guidance. If you get caught up with a n**** and really see potential to be with this guy, then you have to be the one to knock sense into him because no one else will. You’re not his mother, but all men need to be molded, regardless if they’re a square or hustling. Point to a successful man, you’ll find a strong woman next to him. Regardless of how much we poke our chest out and claim to be the superior sex, males would be lost without female influence. Hoes will spend a n****'s money and bounce when he falls from grace, because she was only in it for the bread. Ratchets will be there in his corner loaning him cash to move another pack so he can get back on his feet, because she wants the power that comes with being with a "trap star". A smart woman that sees potential is going to show tough love, because she wants him to evolve into a better man. He doesn’t need money to re-up, he doesn’t need conjugal visits, or money on the books while he’s locked up, what he needs is to an ultimatum that will make him get his s*** together. If he’s making money, check his ego, show him pictures of how Puffy/Russell Simmons ended up, and tell him to invest the money he has into something legitimate or go back to school. If he falls be there to help him find an alternative way to make money. He’s going to do what he’s going to do, but that decision is going to be harder if you tell him you won’t be around if he continues down that road.
One of my brothers usually goes on these "vacations" aka jail and it always hurts my heart because he's spending so much time away from his son. The last time he got out I told him that if he thought about doing what he always does just to land him back in jail, I'll hustle for him, I'll do jail. I know a lot of you will read that and be like, "oh Ant, you're crazy!" but in all honesty, I would. My brother, is about that life but he's also extremely smart but, things happen and I believe things happen for a reason but I always ask him, "when do you grow up and away from this lifestyle?" I remember Drita from Mob Wives saying, “If I knew what I know now, I would have never even gone on a date with him”. Is this a guy you can marry and raise kids with? Keep that in your mind from the very beginning; even you think it’s not serious. You may think of him as just your "n**** with some good ass penis" or "sponsor," but a n**** who’s treating you right will grow on you especially if he’s showing you that exciting part of life that others can’t. Maybe you can deal with the parole, the other baby mamas, the financial ups and downs, and the rest of the drama that keeps things stressful yet interesting, but can you deal with the struggle of being alone while he’s in a cell? More importantly, should you have to deal with being alone while he’s in a cell? The answer is no. There are thousands upon thousands of women out there who are off the market, keeping that box tight, because they’re waiting for their boos to finish that bid. He’ll finish his bid, go back a year later, and the cycle starts again. I don’t think the answer is to avoid these men all together, because there are a lot of diamonds in the rough that need a good woman to help turn it around. The world is filled with reformed n****s doing it major. At the same time if he’s not willing to change and keeps holding on to this "ima turn these bricks into a mansion babe! We bout to be on!" you have to be strong enough to end it. Don’t wait until he’s out of jail, don’t wait until he finds a place to stay, and don’t give him chance after chance to straighten up because once your threats become hollow you lose all leverage. You'll be waiting around for him to get his life together and guess what?
...it won't happen.
*class dismissed*
@renaissance_brotha
