Gotcha!
First off, if I was having a child, you (meaning those of you that follow me on Instagram and other social networking sites) would KNOW! I mean, sh*t, I would post the woman I'm with and more than likely get a video or a pic of her throwing up, why? Because I can't WAIT to be a damn father but for now…
I'm just uncle Anfny.
So, to all those that unfollowed me but will still read this because you will be notified via email and the ones that texted, emailed, called, KiK, etc etc…
keep calm: I'm short, chocolate, and nobody want my ass and
I'm not having a child till I obtain my masters.
But, I digress
*class is in session*
One of the most greatest moments and probably most nerve wracking feelings we as men will ever experience in our lives, outside of marriage of course, is the moment she says, "babe…I'm pregnant!". On the flip side of that, now we have to deal with this bitch woman, who will take us thru more ups and downs and loopty loops than a damn roller coaster! That nine months, man, I'm sure it feels like 9 decades for some men! Ugh, not to mention all the food she gon eat, "babe, go get me ugggrraaghmm: Big Mac, with a large fry, a 10 piece nugget, 2 McChickens with bacon and extra Mac sauce, and a ginger ale…and don't forget the sweet and sour sauce bae!". Bruh! On a serious note, I think becoming a parent is one of the greatest experiences in the world! I remember being in the delivery room with my homegirl and her husband and just being able to experience the birth of her daughter and the months afterwards, being able to bond and watch her grow; incredible. It was at THAT point in time I KNEW I wanted to be a father. She would lay on my chest and just fall asleep so peacefully, I mean, i literally had to get into a habit of not allowing her to fall asleep. I watched her grow…I watched her laugh…I watched her cry…I watched her ride her first bike…I watched her potty train…I watched her slap her first ever "BF" when he threw her cookies into the lake on her birthday…I watched her lay in the hospital bed, helpless…I watched her die. My homegirl and her daughter was killed because of her abusive husband, For the life of me, I still can't get over it, but it's something I've come to terms with. She's the reason why I want a daughter.
I never wanted to be a father, partly because mine sucked so much, I mean hell, I didn't even want kids at all! I started working for this great organization by the name of City Year and it helped me change my perspective on wanting kids. I was able to HELP kids from the same community I grew up in as a child. Then, my brother called me and was like, "so, you're gonna be an uncle…make sure he gets Jordans.". My nephew came and it was literally one of the greatest feelings in the world! Then, years later, my sister calls and says, "hey lil big bro…you're gonna be an uncle again!" only to find out that, but of course…she was expecting a boy! When I tell you I prayed for her to have a girl, mannn, I was literally in church praying and all that b, it just didn't work.
I may not be the best uncle, but I love my nephews. I look at those lil boys and I see everything that life has to offer. I see that…they are the future. I see love, I see promise.
I remember seeing a text like, "babe, I think I might be pregnant," and how happy I felt in that computer room at the school I was working in. I read that text for 20 mins straight…with my glasses…without my glasses…sh*t, I think I even cried a lil. Fast forward- she found out she most definitely was and then it turned into, "how we gon support this child?". I literally walked around for hours thinking of ways to support my future son and or daughter:
"Ima sell some d***!"
"Ima sell drugs AND di**!"
"Nah, ima become a stripper, THIS way, I can spend the mornings and afternoons with my seed!"
"Teacher?! Yea…I think ima do that!"
So, in the midst of all that, I figured out that I did want to teach and that having children…was gonna be a hard task!
We…we literally talked for hours and landed on that not having the baby, was the right thing to do; saddest moment (one of them) in my life. I loved Re…I loved my ex, she would've made a great mother but unfortunately things didn't pan out.
I see a lot of my friends and family having kids and getting married and all that and I'm happy but a part of me wants that, as a man…I want that. After becoming an uncle to two boys, I knew a daughter was what I was gonna end up with somewhere down the line. I saw that happening with my last GF. We always talked about baby names and how we would raise our children and a lot of that sounded good, but, she's there and…I'm here. A lot of men won't tell you that they can see themselves spending the night with a woman let alone their entire life, but I saw my life with her. All the p****, all the THOTs, all the money, all the clothes, all the Instagram likes, all the degrees, won't keep you warm at night as a man. You get older and realize…I really am gonna need someone to spend my life with.
Having a boy would've been easy work, but a girl…that would be a challenge! First BF, first heartbreak, first school dance, first time having sex, college, drugs, sports, to suck d*** or not to suck d***, what would I do if she liked females instead of men, I mean, that list goes on and on and on. I never had the the opportunity to be a big brother, mainly because my sister and I have the same mother but different fathers and that was just an issue altogether and by the time I was able to be a big brother…she was taller than me and a damn teenager. I know how ima raise my daughter:
First off, I'm not even sure I want the mother to be involved! A lot of you might laugh at that and say I'm wrong but I'm dead ass lol. Daddy's Girl w/ Gab Union and Idris: the best example of what life would be like for me…minus all that drama and hardships. I want Tyler Perry to produce that sh*t b, so Tyler, if you're reading this, holla at me bro! But seriously, I want to be everything my father wasn't and my mother couldn't be because of her passing away so young. Be at the games cheering…be the shoulder she cries on and the driver and assassin when lil Johnny breaks her heart…the one who picks her up when she falls off the bike…the one who combs her hair and gives her crazy ass ponytails…the one she confines in and puts her trust in…the one she loves more than anything and anybody in the world. She would be sassy, but smart. Humble, but will "turn it the f*** up when sh*t get crazyyyy!". Cultured, understanding, loving, caring, all that Hallmark sh*t, but will know that life isn't always blue skies, green grass, and sunny days; sh*t can get Flavor Flav ugly in a heartbeat! Most importantly: she would want for nothing!
The name Genesis, to me at least, it just sounds refreshing, calming and just so happens to mean "beginning". We all want that "new beginning" or to start over and in my head, having a child allows us to get a second chance on life, in a sense. It's also the name of the housing complex I grew up in, in Brooklyn and the last days where my mother spent her life. Rose is my mother's middle name and I felt like Velda (my mother's first name) was old as sh*t to be naming a child in 20-whatever. You combine the two and BAM: Genesis Rose.
I pray I'm a good father. I pray my daughter loves me unconditionally. I pray she never has to experience struggle in her life. I pray I live to have a daughter. I pray I am closer to God when I have my daughter. I pray I find a woman who will accept me, understand me for the man I am…and is willing to spend forever and a day with me. I pray my daughter never loves a man like I once was…
@renaissance_brotha_
