I'm not perfect. I will never, ever claim to be perfect. I don't claim to know it all; I just claim to know what I know and speak on that. I'm not speaking on, How To Maintain Your Marriage After Year 5 because I've never been married. If you see me write about it, you better believe I have experience with what is being said! I think it's important to say all of this because it allows you, as the reader, to have a very clear understanding of WHY I go so hard, in the manner that I do:
WE NEED TO HAVE MORE HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS THAT TRANSITION INTO RELATIONSHIPS, THAT CONTINUE TO BUILD UPON THAT EXISTING FRIENDSHIP! Period!
I digress
I've been in countless relationships where I've fuc*** up. Yes, I am man enough to admit that without hesitation: I've fu**** up in every single one of my relationships! I'm not saying I'm the reason we've ended...I'm just admitting to you, as the reader, that Renaissance Brotha (not Man) has done some shit in his past relationships, that he...I, am not happy/proud about. Now, with that being said I can also admit that, there have been tons of things I have done right! I mean, no one stays with someone for years just because the d*** is that good, I mean, I would hope not but, yea...that wasn't the case because my D ain't s***!
I digress, again
Sometimes, we get caught up in trying to take care of the weeds so much, that we forget to smell and enjoy the roses.
"Renaissance Brotha!"
"Yes, you over there"
"Well, what do you mean by that?"
*class is in session*
Sometimes, we get caught up in trying to take care of the weeds so much, that we forget to smell and enjoy the roses. I'm saying it again because I want you to fully understand what I'm saying and WHY I'm saying it but, we shall touch on that later.
From social networks, the media, your mother, your grandmother, your best friend whose been single since who knows when, to magazine articles, all these different things/persons will advise ladies on how they should treat and care for and love a man. Some of them make valid points but right now, here today, I wanna speak on the opposite: how fellas should treat their queen/woman.
This isn't just for the men within the Black community, this is speaking to men of all races, color, creeds, religions, gangs, socioeconomic status, so on and so forth. So pay attention to message and suspend the personal judgement you may have, for the messenger.
Love thy QUEEN
I'm here to tell you that if a woman tells you that words don't mean a thing...then why do they love compliments so damn much!? YES, actions speak louder than words but words play a major part in how we view those actions. Compliment her! Tell her she looks good. Tell her you appreciate her all that she does. Tell her thank you, for the sh*t she does, for YOU! Show her you appreciate her! Ok, I'm not saying do the following every damn week or month or every few months but, try it, at least once (depending on the length of your relationship)
Have her call her out of work and pamper her, the entire, daaay! I'm talking about from morning to night, you plan an entire day dedicated to her and not another soul. Hell, if you even wanna give her the money from the time she missed at work, do it!
I say that because we have to find new ways of maintaining the relationship we have with our partner. You wanna do things that are comfortable with you but also that she'll appreciate as well. A foot rub won't kill ya. A full body massage won't kill ya. Head on the side of the highway won't kill ya...unless the cops spot you guys, then...you know...they might might kill ya. The point of me saying all of this, is to love her in a way that works best for Y-O-U! Be patient with her. Sometimes things won't materialize at a pace of your liking...and that's ok. Just know that: if it's meant to happen, it's meant to happen; there's never a need to rush things within your relationship, especially because it's a never ending building process. Also, don't sit there and throw in her face all the things you do/did for her- she knows what you do/did, she was/is present for it! I had made the mistake of saying, "well you should be happy I cook for you...it's not like any other dude you had did!" And for that, I was deadass wrong. From that I learned; we do things (at least in my opinion) out the kindness of our heart because we love our partners. We have to get back to loving our women, with a pure heart.
Love Thyself, For Your Queen
I know a lot of women that let themselves gooooooo, once they get into a relationship! Like: stop eating good, do whatever with their hair/make-up, say f*** the gym, and all the rest of that sh** but I also know, a lot of dudes who do the same! Some of ya'll don't clean up your place, won't clean out the car, don't get a haircut as often, don't groom "downstairs", dodge the gym, and so on and so forth. Fellas- don't do that. I don't know which OG told you, sh** like that was cool but your lady...she ain't got time for it! Have some pride in how you look!!! We as men, pride ourselves on how our women should look like this or that but never go look in the mirror and hold ourselves to such a high standard. I myself will always admit, that I'm not the tallest, I'm not the funniest, I don't have a bunch of abs, I'm not the smartest and that may be the same for you as well. What works for me is that I know who I am and I will never, ever, ever, everrrrrr let a soul get a chance to tell me anything different! We as men have to hold ourselves to some kinda fu***** standard; it is ok to have standards, fellas. Insecurities and pride are two of the BIGGEST contributing factors, as to why men can't/don't maintain healthy relationships. I don't need statistics from USA Today or some Harvard University scientist to back me up here. If you sit and talk to a man long enough, what you will get is typically the same thing,
"I didn't feel like doing x y z"
"I just couldn't trust her blah blah blah"
"I didn't feel like I was the right man yada yada"
The above examples all speak to who a man is on the inside! Men: deal with them insecurities and put that pride to the side for a better YOU! And don't rebuttal me with that bullsh**, "it's easier said than done" because we are creatures of action- less excuses and more moves!
Feed, Thy Queen
Cook for her. I'm not just saying that because I love to cook, I'm saying that because men like me who DO cook, will offer her a plate of some shit that will have her second guessing why she's even with your ass! I kid, slightly. We as men know LeBron's stats from his rookie year but can't take the time to read a f***ing recipe!? Geeeeeet outta here!
You might laugh at the above but at least it shows the person tried. I learned to cook because I loved women and because of Dr. Seuss. Green Eggs and Ham is my favorite book (of all time) and I figured, well, if I learn how to cook some creative sh** like that, maybe, just maybe, the ladies will love me!
Eventually they did. All I'm saying is that, it won't hurt to cook her up a meal. Not every day or every other day but maybe once a week. You don't have to be a damn chef, but cooking her a meal or even helping her, hell, maybe just doing it TOGETHER, shows you at least give a damn! Women (hand clap) love (hand clap) to eat (hand clap, hand clap)! It won't kill you to cook for your queen.
Sex, Thy Queen
(If you're celibate or don't believe in sex before marriage, then skip this one)
I'm not even gonna sugar coat this one or pu***foot: be on point. Women enjoy sex just as much as men, if not, moreeee- not up for a debate and I ain't got the statistics for this one either. You gotta know what you're doing even before you get her in the bed. Sexting works. Send her some sexy ass pictures. A di** pic or some provocative sh** like that aren't only reserved for women. Verbally stimulating her throughout the day works too:
"You know I wanna see you throw that ass back on this d*** in them heels you wore 3 Fridays go, right?!"
"I can't wait to slide my tongue all the way inside of you later...so how's your day?"
You say things like that because mentally, it helps her prepare for what's to come later. Also, don't forget foreplay! Don't just stimulate her mind...stimulate her body, man (Smokey from Friday voice)! Yes, some women just want you to slide inside and do what it do but...some women enjoy the art of seduction. Get some ice cream, some fruit, hell, if you don't wanna do all that, just plant some kisses all over. Start from the neck and work your way down and once you get in between her thighs- eat her. If you're not eating the pu*** in 2015...you're...you're corny. Sex isn't the end all be all but for those who have it and enjoy it, it is important and I will not sit here and tell you otherwise. Go read, "Make It Nasty," ... just cause.
Maintain Le Fire With, Thy Queen
I'm not gonna write a bunch of sh** for this one because there's an entire blog dedicated to this very point on the site that you should go read, if you haven't done so already. Go read, "Maintaining The Romance," AFTER you read this tho. Proceed on.
Converse, With Thy Queen
I saved this one for last because this one is EXTREMELY important- communicate with your queen. I look back on all my relationships and it hurts to know that part of the reasons why we didn't work is because communication sucked elephant d***. I look back on potential partners and it hurts because the communication sucked dolphin d***. I look back on friendships that didn't work or are now estranged and it hurts because the communication sucked whale nuts. We as men have to get to a place where we communicate better. This "fallback" craze is stupid! No one is Charles Xavier from the X-Men, no one is Ms. Cleo, no one is a fu**ing mind reader, so if you aren't expressing how you feel, verbally...how can things get better!? The goal is to work through and...wait for it...get though, motherf***a! The excuse that, men don't communicate well, blah blah is tired and old and ladies I'm telling you to not accept it because if you accept it for 6 months...you'll accept that sh** for 6 years! I've said this before and I will say it again: if you can communicate to her how you want her to suck your d*** then you can communicate to her how you want to be loved and all the things you have an issue with! If she pushes you away...if she turns it around and ignores what you're saying makes it about her...that sh** will continue to happen and she ain't the one for you, bruh. I don't care if she sucks the soul from your d*** and lets you f*** her best friend with the fat ass and natural hair- if her communication skills suck, step away. Communication is so key, it's so crucial, it's so fu**ing necessary! Talk to your lady. Talk with your lady. It's healthy. It won't hurt you to ask how her day was. It won't hurt you to tell her that you've been hurt before. It won't hurt you to say, "hey, I made plans for us to go see x y z and afterwards we're doing a b c...don't make other plans." It won't hurt! I'm not telling you to spill your guts. I'm telling you to....I'm suggesting you learn how to communicate better, not just for yourself but for the betterment of ya'll, as a couple.
"You really feel like that tho?"
"Yes, yes I do!"
We gotta know when to check our fellow men, for the fu** shit they do. You might call it hatin or blocking but real men call it...wait for it...accounta-fu**in-bility! Now, the way Meek did it to Drake...wasn't cool. Doing s*** like that, behind the scenes, is completely ok. Checking other men needs to happen more because the more the fu** slides...lol...wait for it...the more these women go get women and build happy ass homes with. Not saying that's a bad thing but if @...never mind. Sometimes, we get caught up in trying to take care of the weeds so much, that we forget to smell and enjoy the roses. When you think about the analogy of women being like flowers and men being like weeds...things being to be put into a better perspective. So often, we are told to focus on the weeds (men) that we forget that even after the weeds are taken care of...the flowers (women) get neglected. We gotta stop neglecting the flowers. We have to learn how to love our women better because now, more than ever, it is important! It is fu**ing vital! We all want better and all that jazz but wanting better will always start with self, before anyone else. I know I said this was for all kinds of men but Black men...BLACK MEN...we gotta do better! I'm not saying this to make my vagina rate go up because I can care less about how women look at me and the ones that wanna hand off the pu*** to me like Russell Wilson to Marshawn Lynch. I'm saying this because I wholeheartedly mean the sh**! Black women are leaving Black men alone because 1) we don't get the basics 2) we don't wanna do the basics 3) we're disrespectful 4) we're womanizers and so on and so forth and it is counterproductive when building a kingdom fit, for a king and queen. If you take in all of what I'm saying, she won't have time for another man. This isn't some blueprint on how to keep your partner from cheating because we should trust our partner enough to believe that they won't cheat but this to help enhance the friendship/relationship we have already in place. If you keep your partner feed mentally, spiritually, sexually, and so on and so forth...you will never have to worry about if your love is enough fellows...her actions will show it- love thy queen!
*class is dismissed*
@Renaissance_Brotha_
