like, at all...
deadass.
*****
You ever just look at somebody and be like, DAMN...I wonder what you fuck like!? For me, it happens often. There are just some women who just look like, well...they look like they can take a good dick! Not to take away from the fact that they're probably amazing in other areas of their lives but yea, some just look like they can take a good dick...
for about an hour or 2.
Now, don't get all in your feelings and come at me with that, "omg, you're a sexist pig...a womanizer...misogynist!" jargon because the moment a picture some appealing ass dude gets posted somewhere, with a dick print or with his shirt off, (some of) you ladies get your panties in a knot and start confessing all the nasty s*** you would do to him! But I ain't here to judge you, just like I hope you ain't here to judge me but if you are, who cares.
I digress
I'm not gonna lie to you...I love sex. I love a great mental connection and all but I really enjoy, bending a woman over eating the entire soul and every single middle school memory, from her vagina. Or maybe even just a nice and simple choke n' stroke- who knows. Point of the matter is: I love sex and I love doing different positions. Positions that'll have the body shaking and yearning for more. Positions that'll make it feel as if there's an earthquake happening in the pelvic region. Positions...that'll have you laid out across the bed like a damn starfish. Now today's class is dedicated to some positions, that I like and I hope some of you will like as well. Maybe you've tried them, maybe you haven't but if you haven't, I suggest you do!
*class is in session*
Legs On Shoulders:
There's something sexy about a woman's legs resting on my shoulders, I don't know what it is, but it just does something to me. Maybe because I like legs...who knows. Ladies, lay on your back and put either one of your legs on his shoulders or both, it's up to you. By doing this, your vagina will become tighter and will allow him to hit that G-G-G-spot better. If you want, you can even place a pillow underneath your lower back to give you an added lift, choice is yours. Let him start off slow and then pick up the pace. As he begins to go faster, have him lean in while holding your leg(s) or you can hold'em yourself. As he continues to go faster, he can ease up and hold your leg and push it forward (only if you're flexible). When that leg is pushed slightly forward and he long stroking you deeeeep, bihh, ain't no, "ba-ba-bae stop," because in our head, you saying stop but all we thinking is:
The reason this position is great...he can hit your spot and if you enjoy cummin together, you can do so. Sh**, you can also get that good ol' choke n' stroke done too...not the kinda choke like when you eating a dry ass biscuit, the kind where you can barely hear yourself moaning but you can feel him all up in you.
P**** Pon Di Face:
Always check with the dude beforehand because if you go climbing him like Spider-Man does buildings and you say, "well, Renaissance Brotha SAID it was ok..." and he come looking for me on some crazy mess...your dude, will be outta commission for a bit, so, yea, ask first. You can do this either facing him or in the reverse cowgirl position (I suggest doing both ways to be honest). Don't be aggressive starting off either, let the anticipation build up. If you're facing him: straddle his face and have him stick out his tongue and just dip...and bring it back up...dip...and bring it back up...and dip. Fellas, allow her to get comfortable and then you wrap your arms around her thighs. Ladies, grip his head and just sit there and let him do his thing. Fellas, suck on her lips but also allow your tongue to go in and out at the same time. Now if you do it in the reverse, I suggest getting on your tippy toes ladies and just ride his face. Bounce up and down! Wine your waist, grind on his face, I mean...we men love that sh**! The reason this position is great...it secretly gives men the power to dictate the orgasm. I'm a firm believer in talking sh** during sex and when you have a mouth full a pu***, it may be hard but you will have your moments where you can say things like,
"you like that sh**..."
"you like the way I suck that clit..."
"feed me that pu***..."
"cum in my mouth...
Because when you talking that sh** and you eating it right...it will bring about a very pleasurable orgasm altogether. Also, play with her nipples, lick and rub on the clit while you're eating, smack her ass even...keep it sexy.
That's Swahili For Doggy-style:
Doggy-style might be one of the top rated positions when it comes to sex. It's pleasurable to both parties and it's also an ego booster. A guy thrusting a chick from the back, all hard and fast or a woman throwing it back while looking back...it just does something to one's ego within the moment. I love it when her back is arched and...I'm deep in it. I love it when her face is down and her ass is up...and I'm deep in it. Her back is arched, I got that left leg up, just stroking away...sh** is better than the way they described heaven! Fellas, fellas, felllaaass...don't get her in this position and start off all fast: take (hand clap) yo (hand clap) time (hand clap, hand clap)! You gotta tease her a little bit. Slide it in nice and gentle and pull it out slow; that sh** will drive her crazy! As soon as you see her reaching her arm to the back to pull you closer, slap it away on some, "don't touch me or ima fuck your harder!" WOMEN LOVE THAT SHIT! Just keep sliding it in and out for a couple of minutes, get it all wet, hell, rub it on her clit even, don't be afraid to take control. After awhile, you start to build up the momentum and you can go as fast/slow as you like. Grip her waist, hold onto her shoulders, you know, basic sh** at first. She start moaning more, grab her arms, pull'em back and you fu** her harder. The reason this position is great...you can get your choke n' stroke on! I'm not telling you to Ike Turner choke her, just: get a nice little grip around her neck and stroke her! Slap her ass while you're doing it! Another reason why this position is great...I'm almost 94% sure this and missionary are the two positions that women get pregnant in the most! Ima be honest with you; if we in missionary and you looking me in the eyes, witcho pretty ass or you throwin it back, biting on that lip and moan "f***"...I'm not pulling out, like, at all. So, you better cut that sh** out or we will be up in Zales, ring shopping and deciding baby names because you will be stuck with me.
Let Her Ride:
Sometimes...I just want to be submissive. I'd be a liar if I said otherwise and frankly...I'm not in the business of lying to you. A woman on top is quite sexy, especially if she knows what she's doing. I know for some it can be awkward with all that eye contact but once you get passed all that, everything else is a go. Ladies, get him him to lay down and relax,
"bae, put your hands behind your head,"
is what you tell him and if he moves say,
"bae don't move or ima f*** you harder!"
GUYS LIKE THAT SHIT! There are times when we want you to be all cute and whatnot but then there are other times when we want you to ride us like a Kentucky Derby horse. Lean back and hold his knees while you ride him. Place your hands in his chest as you go up and down. Go down slow...come up fast or vice versa. Stay at the top and only come down 3/4 of the way and then go back up; any way you want to ride him is completely up to you. Get on the balls of your toes, grab your own breast and lick your nipples, sh**, be sexy! Tell his ass to keep his eyes on you while you riding that d***. Fellas, if you don't want to just lie there; grab her by the waist and fuck her back! That upward motion will hit her spot and her legs will get weaker by the min and that's when you tell her,
"turn that ass around...and ride me!"
Reverse cowgirl is perfect for women who love hearing the sound of her ass clappin. It's also great for women who enjoy twerkin on the d***. It's also perfect for dudes who love ass. What's better than looking at a nice ass and watching your penis go in...and out...in...and out and hearing her moan,
"smack my ass daddy! That pu*** feel good, don't it babe!?"
That sh** right there is probably one of the best things, we as men enjoy hearing during sex. More importantly ladies, you're in control! If you wanna hula hoop wine on the D, you can. You wanna bounce that booty like a basketball on the D, you can. You wanna, "cause my best friend finnaaaaa, she finnaaaaa (ohhhh)" twerk on the D, be my guessst! The reason this position is great...it never takes her that long to cum, if you got the right "equipment" and if you know what you're doing. Plus, women who like being in control basically hold the key, to the D! If you get him to moan during sex...you own his damn soul. Anytime he tells you he's about to cum ladies and tries to push you away: ease up a little bit and then quickly tighten the p**** and shift your weight into your hips and keep riding him...his punk ass won't go nowhere.
Edge Of The Bed:
If he pulls you to the edge of the bed, I can almost guarantee you 9 months later you will be in the hospital giving birth. I kid but seriously...you get pulled to the edge of the bed and it's a wrap! There's truly something sexy about it that, I don't even think scientist have managed to figure out just why. I love it! Grab you by the legs and just pull you away and watch the sheets underneath you get all fu**ed up- sexy. Spreading your legs and telling you play with your pu*** for me, I mean, how could one NOT marvel at such a sight! Fellas, get her to the edge of the bed, not to where she's more off than on the bed but to where she's balanced good enough so you can do some work. Don't even slide in her (yet) start by eating her. Tell her hold her legs and literally, just lick on the clit. Don't do NOTHING else- lick on the clit, ONLY!!! Do that for a few minutes and THEN you slide in because at this point, she'll be tired of holding her own legs so, you can hold'em for her. Slide it in, slow...I mean reaaal slow and take it out and slap it on her p****; don't even question me, just do it! Then you wanna slide all the way in and go to work. The great thing about doing all that is...you can put her right on her side (you decide) and hold one leg up, while the other remains flat and just, pump hard and fast. The reason this position is great...she won't have ANY control as to what's going on and if you stroking it good and you can hold that leg up and you can play with the clit
she just might squirt...
which is never a bad thing.
Listen, I know that was a lot to take in right but the beauty of sex is that when it's done right, I mean, not decent, I mean RIGHT...two people are left with smiles on their faces and the world is a better place. I encourage everyone to enjoy sex, safely. Yes, use condoms! If you have a partner, don't be afraid to take their ass to the clinic to get tested. If you have a new partner and you know that you're not a fan of using condoms...TAKE THEIR ASS TO THE CLINIC or make them show their results- I'm deadass when I say that. Too many people are having unprotected sex and catching a bunch of shit and passing it along like Chris Paul to Blake Griffin and in no way shape or form is that sh** cool! Just because a person doesn't LOOK like they have something, means sh**! Use protection and get tested, I promise you, it's really painless and easy and will keep you safe out here. I know sex feels way better without a jimmy hat but fellas, you don't wanna be in some p**** one day and a few weeks later your crotch is itchy and you doing the whip & nae nae to your johnson. Ladies, I know brown skin with the good teeth and full beard looks good but he can have a some sh** that'll have your whole vagina in the toilet swimming like Michael Phelps. I know light skin with the nice eyes or the dark skin dude with dreads got a d*** that'll have you praising Allah but you gotta stop allowing these men to go in raw and leaving your box with a filter on it (take your pick). I know this wasn't your typical ending but it has to be said because if one of you ladies burn me or give me some shit I can't get rid of...I'm getting you fired from your job, evicted, selling your shoes, cutting the front panel of your panties out, tossing your car keys, blowing up your car, leaving dog doodoo in from of your parents house, leaking your nudes to Baller Alert, and flushing your make-up and recording that sh**! Be safe!
Do you have any favorite positions? If so, what are they and why.
@renaissance_brotha_
