LeBron Has Rings...Do You?

*disclaimer*
If you are easily offended...this blog is not for you.

Me: How long have y'all been going out again, 5 years?
Friend: Aww, you remembered Ant!
Me: I did! Has he mentioned or even hinted at a ring appearing anytime soon?
Friend: Nooo! We've been off and on so much, I don't know if that's a possibility but I...
Me: ...love him!
Friend: Why you say it like that? I mean, I see him proposing to me, I mean, why wouldn't he? We've been together for so long!
Me: I guess but...I don't know ma'am.

Many women are currently in relationships and those, "...do you see us spending our life together?" talks and that's good...if you and him are on the same page. Let me be honest here for a second: a lot of you beautiful, ambitious, hard working, educated, sexy women deserve the world and everything in it but, don't deserve a ring. Now some of you will get that ring, while others, just won't and you (meaning the woman) will be to blame. Don't get me wrong, I love marriage and all that comes with it but nowadays with relationships being complicated as much as they are, I can only imagine what marriage is gonna look like. It takes a special kinda woman to hear her guy say, "will you marry me?" and then stick around thereafter, which is why I believe...marriage isn't for everyone. Some of our parents marriages didn't work and hell, some of you reading this may have journeyed down that road and it didn't work but that should never turn you off to the idea. With that being said...

*class is in session*

Society has helped f*** up everything that was once considered good to us. Going to the strip club, sodas, Big Gulps, eating white bread, fried foods, McDonalds, and more importantly, relationships. Relationships have sustained a lot of problems because of society and individuals in society. You know what else plays a part in this as well? Social networks! Yup, I said it, social networks! Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, MySpace (yup, you read right), and hell, even Aim! Then you look at celebs and their relationships/weddings being televised that don't last that long, and although they're just like you and me, it makes me wonder: are marriages made to last? I'll answer that question later but too many times I've seen women drag men thru the dirt and back and turn down good guys left and right. I love you ladies, really I do, but too many of you are running your mouths (which run men away) and catch attitudes instead of talking things over (which run men away) and expect to hear those 4 words: will you marry me? Haaaaa!

While its true that a women's brain matures faster, when it comes to handling certain personal issues...(some) women can't seem to get it right. So, today I bring to you: reasons why you WON'T get a ring but you'll get a bacon, egg, & cheese, a threesome, and your master's degree before you get a man to propose...

BREATHE (1 and to the 2, 2 and to the 3):
I, as a man, am not a fan of being smothered by my significant other and I'm sure other men would concur. Actually, I don't think ANYBODY else does for that matter! Now we all know communication is key, but when you do it too much ladies, it becomes a problem. Constant questions, about the same sh*t just worded differently is annoying.

"Hey babe, what you doin?"
10 mins later
"Still watchin tv babe?"
10 mins later
"Babe, this is why I can't watch the news because they always got some bad s*** on...wyd??"

That's that sh*t I don't like!

When you do too much, that's when we begin to move away and I mean farrr away! Guys need room to breathe because being too over bearing isn't welcomed in a relationship. It's kinda like being micromanaged at work, ain't nobody got time for that. For example: if he doesn't respond ASAP to your text, don't throw up a post taking indirectly about him, that's petty. If he wants time to himself, let him be. If he wants to go out with the homies, let him be. Just because you're in a relationship, doesn't mean you need to spend every single minute WITH that person...everyone needs their space.

"Cause tonight ba-by, I wanna get FREAKY with youuuu!":
Men like women who can be a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed! That whole, "9-5" and then come home and cook up a meal and then be able to show him "what that mouth do" routine...quite sexy. There (hand clap) is (hand clap) nothing (hand clap) wrong (hand clap) with (hand clap) getting (hand clap) freaky (hand clap) for (hand clap) your (hand clap) man! I'm not saying you have to put on a production every night but at least have an open mind and be a lil adventurous...in the bedroom, at the movies, at your friend's wedding reception, on the F train coming back from Coney Island, you know, places like that. Giving him missionary sex and then "spicing" it up by letting him do doggy, aint gon keep him. Lap dances, strip teases, hell, send him random twerk videos but make sure you're doing whatever it is you have to do to keep the relationship afloat! And know this: whatever you WON'T do, another female (and her friend) will...seriously.

T-R-U-S-T:
Trust is needed in every aspect of our lives, especially in relationships. Without trust, you virtually have nothing. Now, let me make this CRYSTAL clear

Until you've got a good enough reason and when I say good enough reason, I mean, a female sending you a video of YOUR man deep sea diving in her sea of love, you have no reason to NOT trust him! Now I know (some of) you have trust issues because of past relationships, I know that and I'm sorry to hear that but you have no reason to NOT trust when he hasn't given you a reason to not be trusted. If you know you have problems trusting, don't get into a relationship because it will ultimately screw it up in the long run. It's one thing if your man is d***in down Tanya, Sarah, Marie, and loud mouth Gwen from your job and you have probable cause but if he's faithful, let him be. The more you come to him with false allegations about "what you found (didn't find)" in his phone, the more you push him away, and I mean farrrr away!

...and speaking of phone

"So, ummm, who's this b****!?":
Ladies, I can't stress this enough: leave the damn phone a-loneee!

What happens if he lets you check it tho? - student in the back

If he lets you check it, fine.

But what happens if he lets you check it AND you find something? - same student.

The better question is, are you LOOKING for something to find? Because if you are, then shame on you. If you happen to find something and you wholeheartedly feel it is not right and needs to be questioned, go for it. But the problem is that, when he DOESN'T allow you to go thru his phone and you do so anyways because you got a "hunch"...h-h-h-hunch yo ass over that stove and make a meatloaf with you nosey ass! Didn't you graduate with a Masters in Education? So why are you snooping around sh*t like you auditioning for Law & Order? Don't try to hack his Twitter, don't go to old pics on Instagram and see if he's been conversing with any females (fellas, make sure you're deleting those convos), don't search thru his emails and go thru his trash to see if you can find a possible "lead", nor should you check his pockets...that went out in the 90s. In other words, relive your Carmen Sandiego childhood fantasies elsewhere, not in your relationship. I know (some of) you work but for the ones that don't, make sure your place is up to par.

Woman Up:
Just like you're quick to tell us to "man up," ladies: woman, the, F***, UP! It's more than putting on a pair of heels or making sure you're not over-doing it with your make-up or making sure your dress hugs your curves, it's more than that. Women are nurturing, kind, caring individuals first and foremost. If your man likes to eat, cook. If you can't cook, learn. Go to a bookstore and buy a cook book and read the directions, it's really that simple. I'm not talking that minute rice with the Tyson's frozen "ready to cook wings, just thaw out and cook in the oven for 40-45 mins" bs either. I'm talking, a REAL, meal! Also, keep things clean. If you don't work as much as your man, it's your job to keep things nice and neat. Sure, he can do the same too, but that's a whole different blog in itself. It's your job to do everything (not so much anything) that YOU can, to keep YOUR man happy. Not a n**** or a boy, but your man. And men...make sure you're meeting her half way too because what you won't do...I will! (just joking, but...not really)

Lastly,

Relationship Problems & Social Networks Don't Mix:
...just like two d***s and a horse (extreme, I know). But in all seriousness the two do not belong together whatsoever. The moment your bring your relationship problems to social media is the moment you allow others to voice their 2 cents into whatever is going on in YOUR relationship. Sure, talking to your friends and family sometimes works but do you think people on Twitter care about what's going on between you and your man? No. Instagram and Facebook aren't places to vent either. Why might you ask...because you're not in a relationship with then, you're in a relationship WITH HIM! The moment you take to throwing dirt on him via social networks, is the moment you've decided that the relationship needed non expert advice from motherf****s who are more than likely to hit you up saying, "hey girl! I hope you make it thru whatever you're going thru because you can do bad all by yaself girl!" or "hey, if you need to talk about anything, I'm here for you. I mean, if he's no good for you, maybe you need to be with me...jk jk...but hit me up tho." Keep all problems off of social networks, plain and simple.

Ladies, please don't take offense to what has been said, take heed. These are just some of the reasons why guys aren't dropping to one knee and asking for your hand in marriage quicker than a stripper for some dollars. In order to enter any relationship, you must first love yourself because when you don't, you don't allow yourself to be loved the way you want. Relationships are about compromise, amongst other things. Check your insecurties before you try to check his. Be truthful with yourself before you even begin to be truthful with him. Relationships are a two way street...don't drive him down a dead end.

Feedback is welcomed...all the time, anytime and if you need advise, hit my email up as well! I would love to chat.

@renaissance_brotha_

Petty Pedi Police

This blog is about the importance of getting a pedicure…for women. You may be thinking to yourself, “who the hell is he…the pedi police?” and the answer to that thought is, yes. Yes, I, AM! (Kevin Hart voice). Seriously tho, getting a pedi is serious business and if a guy says it’s not, he’s a liar and we all know how much you ladies de-SPISE lairs! All of what you’re about to read comes from a good place, a loving place, and is not intended to bash women or anybody else’s thoughts and/or opinion on the subject matter. Consider this a PSA and if you don’t know what that means


Pedi Service Announcement

*class is in session*

I rarely blame things on others, but this will solely be blamed on my ex…name isn’t important. I remember when we first started dating and I would always and I mean ALWAYS see her with her nails and toes done. It wasn't a big deal until one day, we were talking and I said, and I quote, “you always get ya damn feet down! NO ONE EVER SEE’S THEM BESIDES ME!” I SWEAR I got the only lecture about the importance of maintaining your feet and yada yada…worst 48 mins of my LIFE! Even though we're broken up, till this day a lot of what was said was true and it stuck with me, so to her...thank you. My opinion tho, getting a pedi is a…wait for it…A MUST! Just like you don’t want a dude with ashy hands rubbing on your skin or with his pants saggin, we as dudes don’t want no hammer-time feet with polish that looks like ya lil sista did it while you were sleep, point-blank-period! I digress...

The “Chippy D” Toe:
…and I’m not talkin about Laurence Fishburne’s daughter. I’m referring to the fact that a female will get her toes done and she might bump something and now the nails look all chipped and what not…not cool. There’s no reason why you should have a fresh pedi, but your nails are all chipped up like an old Nas grill (mouth) or like a now Fabolous grill. How do you solve this problem? Do something about it immediately! Don't wait till someone says something to you because then you'll just look stupid, that simple.Just like you get your eyebrows shaped up or whatever you call it, get them nails trimmed. There's never a need to come into the bed with nails that can slice and dice onions and trim the fat off chicken breast, #ThatsThatIshIDontLike.

The "Half Polished" Toe:
You ever seen the Incredible Hulk movie when somebody has pissed him off and the lovable Bruce Banner turns into the mean, green Hulk? Well, that’s EXACTLY how I feel, whenever I see toes half polished...but only in my head tho. You mean to tell me that you couldn't finish applying the bumble bee yellow to the remainder of you big toe? You mean to tell me you were in THAT much of a rush that you couldn't let them nails of yours dry and now it looks like a kindergartner was finger painting on them?! You mean to tell me, 2/5th’s of your foot is done, but you were too damn lazy to finish the REST but can update ya FB status, tweet, create, edit, and post a Vine video, and like pics AND post on Instagram?!?! Half polished feet + YOU = a half ass person! Yup, I said it.

The "Lil Sista Done" Toe:
Kris: “Oh, I let Bri Bri do my nails Ant, how they look tho?”
Me: "...turnt down, that’s how!!"

I understand you're tryna be nice and let your sister do your nails, but if she has your feet looking like Michael J. Fox tryna sign his signa...never mind, I won’t go there, just don’t let her do it. The moment you put on some gladiators sandals or any kinda open toed shoes with a maxi dress or some short-shorts and expect to NOT be the the object of ridicule, you (hand clap) have (hand clap) lost (hand clap) your (hand clap) mind (hand clap) boo boo. mistaken boo. Here's what you do: after she does them, give her a hug, wait for her to go to sleep, remove the polish, go to Bonita Nailz in the morning and have Daisy do them over. I, other men, Daisy, and even your lil sister will appreciate your toes. Hell, you can even say to her, "Bri Bri, look how good they came out! Girlll, ima let you do my nails all the time!"...a lil white lie, she aint even know it.
So what to take away from this?

Summer is a few days away, so, them lumpy, chipped nails, uneven toe nails, toe nails that are too long, is downright NASTY! N-A-S-T-Y, NASTY! Trust me when I tell you ladies, we as men pay attention and I don’t care HOW fly and pretty you are, we are paying attention to the lil things. If your J-Brand jeans fit nice and them sandals look cute but are occupied by some ugly ass toes, ima let you know the nicest way possible: take yo petty pedi ass to the nail salon and get them worked on. Truthfully, now that the warmer weather is here, I've been getting my pedi on. Why may you ask…because if I go to the beach or even a pool party, I wanna make sure not only my body looks good, but my feet look good as well. Also, how would I look if I didn't practice what I preach! Pedis cost about $15 or slight less or more (plus tip) depending where you go but if times are that hard, you can always do them yourself. Go to CVS, Walgreens, or Rite Aid and get cuticle remover for your weekly touch ups and nail polish and get to painting (I really blame this bit of info on my ex). A woman with a fresh pedicure, will get; shopping sprees, cooked dinner, and tickets to see the Mrs. Carter concert, sex, and more importantly head...women love head (insert wink)

...but not by me of course, but, other dudes who believe in that foolishness.

*class dismissed*

Ladies, I would like to hear from you (fellas as well): what's your position on seeing toes undone? Is getting a pedi important to you? How often do you recommend going?

P.S. my b-day was yesterday (yup, I'm a Gemini) so gifts are still welcomed: twerk videos, cardigans, home cooked meals, ummm, gift cards, twerk videos, and money. Be sure to contact me at brotharena...just joking. 

@Renaissance_Brotha_