Fumbles & Interceptions

Before I start, just a few things:

• chivalry has been around for, idk, forever! So with that being said: a guy (because this seems to be an issue [some] women have with [some] men) texting you "good morning" is NOT chivalry; it's just a kind gesture.
• communication is a two way street: not a one way or a dead end; #ThinkAboutIt
•keep your relationship problems/issues off of social networking sites...we don't care about'em! If its a cry for attention you want...hit up the person you're in the relationship with! The moment you post "x y z" someone is gonna chime in with "a b c" and you gonna be a-n-g-r-y.
•if you're near 30 or in your 30s...stop acting like you're in your early 20s/mid 20s; men and women. All the stubbornness, sense of entitlement, faking interest, so on and so forth will only get you put on that "Summer Jam" screen f****ng around, period.

*class is in session*

Let me tell you right now that this blog will focus on the mistakes we as men make in relationships; nothing more nothing less. I as a man have made tons of mistakes which is why my ex is my ex but I have learned from those mistakes and I would like to believe I am a better man for it.

To say that women are to blame for ALL relationship issues, is absurd. To say that there WON'T be bumps along the way, is ridiculous. To say that they have this virtual market where you can buy hair, clothes, diet supplements, weed, henny coladas, food, and damn near a spouse and we call this place Instagram...is down right ludicrous!

But I digress

We as men get too comfortable early in the relationship and forget that consistency is key. We forget that: whatever we did to win you over, should be done to keep you there as well. If we get you to let your guard down, we're content and that...is where we f*** up! So without further ado, here are some relationship mistakes us as guys make...

Ok...So Now What:
We meet the girl, get to know her, date, get to know her some more, date more, f***, date even more, f*** some more, get into a relationship, send flowers randomly,do a bunch of romantic sh*t, listen to her complain about how much she hates working at Victoria Secret on weekends, we cuddle up and watch Bad Girls Club when we'd rather watch a blind person change a baby's diaper in a snow storm, I mean, we do all this stuff and then...we fall flat. We're caring, affectionate, honest, and open in the beginning, thinking that because we've, "won her heart" if you will, we can kick our feet up; negative.

Fellas, the worst thing you can do is slack off. She kept you at a distance to get a better understanding of you, you won her over, now you're the one being distant and you're mad because she's starting to grow distant? Bruh! Once you push her to that point of no return, it'll be late night R&B mixed with crying, wishing you can get that ol thang back! The same attention you gave her in the beginning, keep that consistent throughout the relationship.

I Can See Myself With You, Like...Forever:
On one side of the coin: you'll get the guy who is afraid of commitment and on the other side of that coin: you'll get the guy who will let you know, "I can see me spending my life with you," only after knowing you a few months! "Yea, I can see you being my queen! We'd make some good lookin babies. Plus, moms is talkin about grandkids.

Wait a min, wait a min - Kevin Hart voice.

For some females, that's enough to change the number, change the Twitter name, deactivate the FB, and start a whole new Instagram! Fellas, take it eaassy! Forever tho? Forever is a mighty long time to spend with a person you've only known for 2 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days. Pump ya brakes. Let time take its course and if it's meant to be, it will be.

Another Again/..That's It?:
First few months we're like ANIMALS! You can't keep us from jumping on top you any opportunity we get,

In the mirror while you're doing your hair/in the shower while you're applying Nair/by the cabinets where the dishes go/in back row of the movie theaters, on the low

After some months pass, females are left asking, "is that it...?". Some dudes get into relationships and think minimal sex is cool and don't realize and what happens is that, weeks go by, and we haven't even considered to have sex because subconsciously, them weeks really feel like only a few days. Contrary to popular belief, sex is a major deal in most relationships (I stand by that last sentence). Now on the flip side of that you have dudes that want it too much (yes, I said too much). For some females who work, go to school, have to come home cook and clean...sex can be the last thing on her mind. I know you read that but seriously, think about that for a minute or two. It's not that she doesn't want sex, it's just, she doesn't want it all the time and what happens is that because we as men don't understand, we take that as, "oh this b**** wanna act up and not f***? Cool, let me go f*** wit a side jawn!"

Bruh!

Learn to compromise! period, point, blank!

Attention Deficit:

One of the things I know to be certain is that when you pay lil attention to your partner...your partner will give her attention elsewhere. It's like we're there physically but mentally, we've checked out. I'm not saying, quit your job, diss ya homeboys, or spend less time with your family just to be all up, under her now, but ignoring her? Will be the quickest way to have every Big Sean, Justin Timberlake, Rick Ross, Trey Songz, Lil' Mama in the face, look-a-like at her door wanting to "do it for the Vine" inside her...and trust me...she will let 'em do it.  The sad thing about it is, she'll actually consider entertaining them because you have now created what I like to call, "The Attention Void". Don't let it get to a point where you begin to lose sight of who she is and the reasons you're with her. Either you find that necessary balance that all relationships need or find yourself arguing with some dude that looks like her celebrity man crush.

I'll takeee, "backbone" for 500 Alex:
Dude + no backbone = a "welcome home" mat. Your woman will treat you like a welcome mat when you become too relaxed in your relationship. F*** all that submission sh*t...BE A MAN! These women want m-e-n, not a damn dog! Yet sadly, some men believe that the only way they can keep a woman around is by doubling as her pet, and agreeing with everything that she says. Big damn mistake buddy...big mistake! She'll start to feel this sort of, "entitlement", to make you do whatever, feel whatever, act however, wherever, when you don't stand up for yourself and you become a "yes man":

"Yes dear, I'll cut my hair even though I cut it last week."
"Yes babe, we can have sex, even tho my leg hurts from getting dunked on by Terry at the gym."
"Yea babe, your mother can come visit, even tho when she brings that damn dog that likes to piss all over the couch."

The ladies from my job always tell me, "Ant-nee (Anthony w/ a Jamaican dialect), we want a big, strong man, not a lickkle dog.". Case and point: ladies want a man who will stand firm beside them and not quiver underneath them...

Treadmillship:
Treadmill + relationship = treadmillship. How many of you have been or are currently in, a relationship that feel similar to a treadmill? Time sees to go by and by but certain things seem to remain the same. (some) Females hate that stagnant feeling in regards to relationships, which is why ultimatums come up when things get to a standstill:

"Either, (hands clap) you (hands clap) get (hands clap) ya sh*t together or (hands clap) I'm (hands clap) though (hands clap, hands clap) through!"

or
"Listen, we've been dating for 5 years now and the convo of engagement hasn't even come up yet...what do you want me to do? Because I can and I won't wait forever you know..."

I mean, the last one is a lil' over exaggerated, but, you get the point.

The biggest mistake we can make as guys is thinking that every thing is mashed potatoes and gravy, with the relationship stuck with no direction.

Here's the thing...

I feel we as guys need to communicate better because with that, we open up more doors for opportunities to grow together, or, grow apart. Mistakes will happen, I mean, sh*t, what relationship won't encounter some stumbles along the way? The goal is to push forward! Make sure you have a direction in which you want the two of you to go in. Have an understanding of self because as a man...if you don't have an understanding of self, there's no way you will be mentally ready to be the nigga/man/king whatever, for any female out here. Realize your mistakes, compromise, be HONEST not only with her but with yourself because if you're not honest with who you are...you think she'll take you seriously?

Nah, the answer to that is nah. Don't let the best thing slip away...because you wanna be a di**, trust me, I know.

@Renaissance_Brotha_

So I Have This Friend...Whose In a Situationship

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent*

Email from @UHateMe__JoinDaClub

Subject: U give advice…I need some

Hi Renaissance Man, my name is Jasmine and my bestie is in love with your lil blogs so I had to read one for myself and I will say, you got it goin on! They be long, but it covers a lot and I like that you kno what you talkin bout. So, basically I need advice because she said you good with the advice. Me and my man have been together, off and on tho (you kno how that be) for about 3 years now and I love him but I don't feel like we goin nowhere you kno what I mean? Like, he cheated, so I cheated. He be talking to other chicks on the gram, so I talk to other dudes on the gram, its only fair lol. But seriously, idk if you listen to Fab but he has this song called Situation ships and I feel that song fits him and me perfectly you know what I mean. So, if you could, could you help me out a lil, I would appreciate that or if you could. thank you renaissance man!!

So I Have This Friend…Whose In A Situationship

For those who are unaware of what a "situationship" is, ABetterBreedOfMan defines a "situationship" in two different ways...

1) a relationship where both parties argue on a constant basis and can't seem to find a common ground with their differences. You become used to each other after a period of time but you're unsure if things should end, stay as is, or change for the better. It's a "situation" that you KNOW needs to be dealt with more sooner than later, but, you're unsure of how to address the problems at hand.

2) something more than a friendship, with relationship like characteristics, but...without the title. So basically: you're having sex, you're going out on dates, you're getting to know each other, all that good stuff but...the two of you HAVE feelings for each other (and this is known) but, you're not together as boyfriend-girlfriend.

stupid, I know, but I digress...

We've all been in a "situationship" once or twice (some more than others) but this song helps to capture just WHAT a "sitatuinonship" truly is in every essence of it's title. For those who have never heard the song by Brooklyn rapper Fabolous, please take a minute to listen (Situationships) before you read the blog.

Done?

*class is in session*

So, you need advice, here it is...

"and all we do is fuck and argue/Yeah that's it, fuck and argue"

When I first heard this, I thought he was saying, "and all we do is fuckin argue/yea that's it, fuck AND argue," as some sort of play on words but I digress. Arguments usually come from a few different places:

A) misunderstanding
B) miscommunication
C) I was hurt by something you said and or did/didn't do

and so on and so forth. Whatever the reason may be, they always lead to sh** being said, that shouldn't have been said in the first place and you regretting whatever it was that you said in the heat of the moment. You're not thinking, you're mad, so, who cares if I hurt your feelings at the moment because all I wanna do is express how I feel and make YOU understand where I'M coming from. You're not responding from a place of understanding, 9/10 it's coming from a place of hurt and anger, so I'm not even thinking logically, I'm just responding and that's where that misunderstanding of the situation can lead to miscommunication. How might you ask? Because now someone is yelling!

You: "You mad over Instagram?"
Them: "No! I'm mad over how you CARRY yourself ON Instagram!"
You: "That makes no sen..."
Them: "NO, NO, BECAUSE I DON'T CARE! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME! ALL YOU DO IS FUCKING, BEAT AROUND THE BUSH AND NEVER LISTEN NOR SEE WHAT THE FUCK I BE SAYIN!!!"

An argument can go from 0-60 in no time when things get heated. Things get said...feelings are hurt...days go by...and now there's that awkwardness. What fixes arguments better than Dr. Phil and Iyanla? S-E-X! You're sorry and they're sorry, so, yall end all that with some sex! You remember what happened in Baby Boy: Yvette and Jody was yelling at each other in one scence, "I hate you...I hate you!", next scene... "Oh I love you! (insert moans and screams here)". Point being: arguments and sex go hand in hand...but does sex, ever truly solve anything? I'll get to that later...

"why have somebody lying with me every night/If they just gon be lying to me every night"

Shit ain't right...them long days gon turn into real awkward nights, trust me! Lying is one of the BIGGEST things we as people hate the most but tend to ignore or put on the back burner quite often when it comes to someone we love. Ya'll in bed talking and you ask your partner something that you KNOW they're gonna lie about but for some reason, you let it slide. If you're laying in the bed with a liar, not only is THAT person a liar, but it makes you an even bigger liar because: what was it that you told that person that you hated the most when ya'll first started talking? You hate, LIARS! "If there's one thing I despise the most: its liars!". I know what youre thinking, "well how am I a liar?" well,

1) you told that person you hate liars but you allow the lying to happen and check it half ass
2) how can you know a person is lying to your face and do not a damn thing about it?!? (that's like me robbing you with condom over a banana, and spray painting it black and saying...its a gun; sh** makes no sense!)
3) you're lying about how you feel! Oh, now y'all Eminem and Rihanna huh, you love the way they lie...f*** outta here! Lying to yourself about how you feel doesn't hurt that person, it hurts YOU ya dumbass!

You might be confused now, but I'll bring it together later...

"used to be lovers, now we, used to each other/keep accusing each other, of us, using the other/and what's crazy is, soon as you fall back they crawl back/saying they sorry and want it all back"

Shit ain't right...after awhile, you just become, used to each other. I put up with ya sh*t- because I love you. You come in late and don't say sh*t- because I've grown not to care. Oh, you don't care- well I don't care. After awhile, your partner becomes like, idk...your roommate and you only go to your roommate when you want/need something. That's when you begin to feel like you're being taken advantage of, used even and that's when, sh*t starts to hit the fan. You stop doing for that person, then you break up, and then it turns into, "this is my sorry fooorrr, 2000 (whatever) " or "I'm sorry babe, I, I just wanted to see if you would fight for me,"

Bruh!

***"titles ain't shit if the story don't match it/now you got a itch, looking for a way to scratch it/flirting online hoping shorty don't catch it"

I star this one because this is probably the biggest thing when it comes to "situationships": non-titled relationships. What this means is: you're with someone, you guys have sex, date, you've become friends, you know their friends, you've met the family, you post subliminal messages about each other on social networks, you've met the kids, basically, it's LIKE you're in a relationship but...neither one of you have decided on taking it to that next level. After awhile you'll want something after not wanting, kinda like the female who wants what you're eating, when her ass could've just ordered it her self. Never and I mean never should no male or female accept being in no, "oh i like you but I'm not looking for anything right now, just someone to kick it with and if things go to that level, ima wait for you to say it because that's not what I wanted in the first place and yes, we will have sex, but you can't be out here having me look stupid, f*cking other people, and if I love you, you have to love me the f*** back," kinda relationship. Why? Because if that person decides to, idk, entertain someone else, technically, you have no right to be mad (unless they blatantly lie to you about it). Now when you're in a relationship, at some point, you're gonna get that itch, and you're gonna wanna explore new options. Twitter, Instagram, and other social networking sites allow you to do just that but the problem with that is, now you gotta keep it on the down low like R. Kelly and don't get caught up, like R. Kelly, and get an asswhippin like, R. Kelly. Flirting online: is cool. Flirting online with the intention on doing something BEYOND just flirting: not cool. To be blunt as possible: stop allowing social networking sites to dictate how your relationship should look and stop allowing yourself to be in these situationships that only benefit you for the meantime; after 25 years old, it's about building into something greater than meaningless sex and matching Jordans...I'm thinking...marriage, kids, house, cars, joint accounts, relationship with the Lord, sex at basketball game.

"you tryna take back something you already said /that's like giving CPR to something already dead"
I'll be as frank as possible with this one: think before you speak because once those words leave out, maannn will, they, do, damage! Verbal abuse is so crazy in a relationship, like, it has the potential of f***ing someone up so bad for the next person and we as the abuser...don't even realize it. You can tell that person you adore them, love them, and all that mushy stuff but the moment, the very moment you say something that catches them off guard, that's totally left field, I mean something sooo hurtful; it's like everything you said PRIOR to that, has gone out the window. You ever burn a bridge and then realize...

how the f*** am I gonna get back across?!

You can't. I mean, you could, if and only if that person decides to send a boat (wants to make amends) and most times, they don't. Never burn a bridge before fully knowing if you're gonna need that same bridge to cross again in life. You know how hard it is to fully forgive someone who you love and trust so much after that same mouth that they just used to tell you they loved you with, rips you apart?!?! 

Bruh!

HOW I SEE IT IS...

*with regards to sex and arguments*
Sex after an argument is cool because that orgasm helps you relax but then what? You cum and those feelings that you have for that person a few minutes, hours, days, weeks ago are still there! Sex did nothing really if you take into consideration that in a few days or a week or so, you're still gonna argue about crap that already happened. My solution: thoroughly talk about what it is without yelling and over-talking. Don't cut each other off, don't dismiss, don't disregard what they're saying, and most importantly...listen AND hear where that person is coming from and think, before you speak.

*with regards to love, trust, & lying picture*
This is how we picture it:

I love you, so I trust you, and because I trust you, I expect you not to lie to me...

But, this is how it goes is:

I love you, I really do, but I don't trust you, so, I lie to you so you won't get(feel) hurt because of what I do(did) because I really do love you!

All of that sh*t is intertwined with each other...think about it.

Situationships my dear, don't work...ever! I say, have a face to face convo with your man and hash things out because if you don't, things will only get worse! Don't wait till its too late to realize that the person who's been riding with you for so long...will actually get out the car and help you fix that flat: let it marinate. Being with someone who is unsure of what you are and where you're going, isn't the person for you. If you need anymore advice, just let me know. Hopefully this song break down helped you.

@renaissance_brotha_