So I Have This Friend...Who Cums Quick

I usually get women who hit me up about men who ejaculate too quick during sex but when a dude KiK'd awhile back (a private messenger app)

...I was taken aback just a lil,

Trevor: "Hey brush, umm, my girl Diane said you give good advice?"
Me: "Oh...you mean @TastiiieCakes?"
Trevor: "Yea, that's all me bruh"
Me: "Oh ok, yea yea, I'm good I guess, I don't toot my own honor"
Trevor: 'Lol, yea man I feel you bruh, too many dudes be cocky about junk ya feel me, you a modest dude from what I hear"
Me: "My head big already, so I can't be out here making it bigger. What can I help you with champ"
Trevor: "Alright, I love my girl, but, I have this issue...and I know I don't know you and I hope if you decide to use this in a blog bruh you respect me and not use my name"
Me: "You have my word"
Trevor: "I cum quick bruh n that sh*t be too *motherf***in good bruh I can't help but to do it. I cheated on her, to see if it was her, and the 4 other girls I f***ed bruh...it happened mad times bruh!"
Me: "Wait wait, 4????"
Trevor: "4 bruh. I pill'em bruh! I just don't know what to do bruh. Doc said i'm fine brush but idk, maybe you know something I don't brush you look like a Urkel kinda dude like no offense bruh"
Me: "I hear it all the time. But I'll make a blog because a lot of females hit me up"
Trevor: "fa who brush brush you 100 in my book, just don't put me or wifey name in it bruh and make that sh*t funny bruh"

So I Have This Friend...who cums quick

Over the years, many women have reached out to me to voice their complaints about men....who can't keep it up long enough for them to enjoy sex more than 10 minutes because they ejaculate too quick. Now, this might be surprising to some, but, it's a reality for many. You know how hard it is for a man to NOT slide in it and feel that warmth, that wetness, to feel that special bond between vagina and penis, that tightness and not wanna bust off quick? Sh*t is enough to make a brotha go crayyyy-zay (Old Dirty Bastard voice)! Myself...I know what its like to, you know, be in some p**** that's so damn good that when you think you're about to give her that NBA type d***...you come up short like high school JV players against the Varsity team.

I know some of you ladies will say, "well, I know my stuff is GOOD, so if he cum too quick, that's ok, I understand,"

b****, no you don't.

The moment it happens more than twice, you're on the phone with one of your girls and you're singing like Alicia Keys about his short cummings (pun all the way intended). Maybe you do have the holy grail of vagina or maybe it's because he hasn't gotten any in a long time or maybe he really does have a medical issue but whatever the case is; ain't nobody got time for that!

I'm joking,

but Trevor-Trev, here are a few ways you can prevent yourself from "shooting up the playground too quick"

1) tell her ass to get on t-t-t-top:

What's sexier than seeing her ride?

A BACON SANDWICH WITH SCRAMBLED EGG WHITES SWISS CHEESE AND KETCHUP!

Okay, I'm joking...slightly...but nothing is quite sexier than a woman who will straddle you from dusk to dawn! I like when a woman rides, why?
-she gets to feel all of this D!
-I get to play with her breast...while she feels all of this D!
-I get to see her eyes roll to the back of her head (ROLL'EM *Kevin Hart voice*)
-lastly...when I don't want her to ride anymore, I can just tell her to crawl up and put that p**** on my face- BOOM!

Naw, if I know I'm finna nut in the missionary position, I just act like I'm being aggressive and tell her some sh** like, "get on top...and ride daddy dick!" It's about control and when you give her control...boooy, she'll think she's Queen Elizabeth or...

Hustle & Flow her ass

You let her ride you and more times than none, she'll cum, hell, talk dirty to her while she's on top, play with her clit even! You do this because when she cums, you can cum right after, "baby I'm cumin too!!!"

*and they both came, happily, ever after*

2) grandma fist pumpin naked with heels on:
An ugly image right? Exactly! Wanna hold that nut in just a lil bit longer: think of random sh*t! This one time, I swear to you, the moment I went inside...I had to back out and look at her like,

WTF!!!

Haha, ya'll might be laughing but dead-ass, this was me! Sometimes we as men underestimate just how good the vagina just might be, so, we go in like, "yeaaaa, I'm bout to put in that work," and 5 minutes later its like, "...so you want water? I got water." You have to think of different sh*t to keep your mind off of what is going on! I say, listen to your iPod...actually, don't listen to me because I did that and she got hers off and till this day I haven't seen her since...I mean, she said it was good...but that was many moons ago. Fellas: get your mind OUT of the vagina, focus, so you can stay IN, the vagina. Puppies, old folks, that homeless couple that always ask you for money, the annoying fat guy at work that always ask you annoying ass questions, your uncle who thinks all the girls you bring to the family BBQs like him, but don't, or...think dead people...that always helps.

3) you dip'it then you flip:
Another great technique? Take it out and flip it gently on her clit! Not only will this buy you some time but it will also please her as well. When you're having sex (oral or intercourse), focusing on the clit is ideal!!! When you're giving her oral, you focus on the clit. When you're hittin it from the back, reach around and rub on the clit. Take it out and just start playing with it right on her vagina. Sh** is sexy to her, I mean, no one wants you to tease them, but, this will buy you some much needed time like I said. You catch your breath, hell, rub on her clit with your fingers just a lil, dip them in her, taste it, all that freak sh**, and then you just slide back in...slowly. You go from about to climax, to heightening hers in a matter of mins, but, if this doesn't work...

*** 4) eat itttt (eat it) eat itttt (eat it)/think you bout to nut, just eatttt it:
And this my friend, is how I got great...at oral pleasure! Joking...eating pudding and cupped snacks is. The moment you think you're about to nut, I don't care if she's screaming, "don't stop...ooh, baby, ohh, baby!" yo ass better stop what you're doing and go downtown and enjoy her! Yes, I advocate for, "if he's about to cum too quick, give a lil head to slow down that climax," head. You kidding me? If you're a woman who doesn't enjoy gettin the d*** and then gettin head in-between, then you haven't had sex with me the right guy yet. Sure, I know being at the height of your orgasm and then having it taken away from you is beyond annoying...but for head? I think of it like a fast break in basketball: sure, D. Wade (Miami Heat player) can just do a spin move or crossover the defender and slam it home but he knows that LeBron's ass (Miami Heat player) is RIGHT behind him, so, he's gonna double check and see exactly where he is and then alley-oop it to him; win-win for the whole team.

If you're wondering about the analogy, here's the breakdown:

D. Wade is your penis Trev, you figure, cumin too quick would just be selfish (scoring off of the fast break), so, you wanna give the assist to your homie LeBron (your tongue) so he can shine too!

Moral of the story here: if you think you're about to nut too fast, eat her ass...I mean vagina, eat her vagina.

5) meditate x yoga x exercise more:
You might laugh but doctors will suggest this because of the health benefits associated with all three. Mediate, and you are at peace with the world. In terms of sex? You're refocusing your attention elsewhere so you not releasing yourself all inside of her just yet. Yoga is good for the body and blood circulation. In terms of sex? You learn some positions and you end up putting her ass to SLEEP! Exercising is just all around great for you as you may already know. In terms of sex? You discipline yourself, get some strength, and pick her ass up and do it like Mimi and Nikko...in the shower...cause the rest of that sex tape was wiggdty-wack!

and all this sh*t don't work:

JUST (claps hands) CUM (claps hands, claps hands)

There's no sense in stressing your body out in trying to keep that in, so, just let it out. I hope this has helped you more than it has made you laugh because if it's actually a serious problem, you really need to revisit a doctor and see what's up. Some women will tell you that if she loves you, sex isn't a factor...bull AND sh**; no woman will stay with a guy who can't treat the p**** better than Kanye West takes care of Kanye West! No woman wants...

"a quick, pumper"

I know how it gets tho...you're f***ing and it's just so good, you pleasing her and she's loving it...but in the back of your mind, you're trying hard NOT to nut too quick...so your nut, turns into a Trey Songz song,

"I don't wanna leeeeeeave, but I gotta go right nooooow/I'll be back (up) befooooore, you know it"

or whatever he was crying about.

@Renaissance_Brotha_

Bronocchio & The Boy Who Cried Thot

I'm often asked why I don't write blogs about men and yada yada yada and honestly, the answer is simple:

I, don't, give, a sh*t, about, these, dudes!

I mean in a sense I do, but really...I don't be caring.

The part of me that actually cares is the responsibility we as men have when dealing with women and the lack of accountability we as men hold ourselves to. Men are strong creatures that will hold sh** down and whip another dude's as the moment he gets outta line, but the moment it comes down to telling his woman the truth...

Yup, *Mike Woodson face* (former head coach of the New York Knicks...you know, that team with Melo on it...you know, Lala Anthony's husband).

Men, lieee! Now, of course you ladies knew this already but I figured I'd touch on it since I seem to touch on just about everything else.

I(ve) lied. I'm not saying I'm out here lying and sh** to women about sh** but the lies I hear that some men are telling women and getting away with; ridiculous! I will say this: women are better liars; always have, always will be. That's nothing to glorify but too many men are under the impression that the lies they tell, trump that of a woman...nah bruh, nah. The reason why I'm not lying to women no more...

I remember when Left Eye from TLC (RIP) set this n**** clothes on fire in that tub and that tub caught fire and that house caught fire and his house burneddddd down to the ground! I'm also reminded of the time of this song by R&B artist, Jazmine Sullivan, where she talked about busting the windows outta some n**** car and even tho my black ass don't own a car (yet), when I do get a car...I don't even want her weave strands being left in my car let alone a f***ing brick or some next s***! And lastly, I'm reminded of Lorena Bobbit...

I mean, she literally cut his wee-wee off...OFF!

But without further ado

*class is in session*

My D*** Big Or Nah:

I mean, sure, some dudes are packing but the ones who are usually bragging? That's a form of a deep seeded insecurity and they feel, "If I can convince her that I got a big ol' d***...she's gonna wanna f***!"

So what he do? Send you a d*** pic!

All that sh** he was talking and his sh** ain't even longer than the toothpick you get in the mall food court when they give you a sample of the food?!?! Oh hell nah! 7/10 of you dudes who claim to be packing, ain't packing! (some) Females will stroke a man's ego and tell him that it's "decent" and that sh*t ain't even a-ok! Dudes get gassed thinking they "Sweet D*ck Willie* but in reality...they be coming up short…like the collection plate with a cheap congregation. If 1 chick says you were a great, the next 1 says you were good, and the next 3 say you were, “iight,” there’s a problem; 1 great + 1 good + 3 iight’s = (doing calculations)…a fair and last time I checked, saying someone is fair in the sex department, wasn’t a good look. But ya’ll take that 1 chick who said ya’ll was great and go out in the world and tell all kinda lies; “I beat the p**** up, up, up,” when in all actuality, “you ain't even make her nut, nut, nut, nut, nut!" Just be honest! 8/10, she'll still let you have sex and if you know what you're doing, you'll get to do so over and over again.

We Gotta Good Thing Or Nah:

"I like you, I really do...but I don't want a relationship right now." - said by 94.29% of men

Peep the scenario:

Mike & Marsha are cool. They like each other. One day, she invites him over for a Netflix night...you know, that kinda night where you guys eat and watch half the movie because the other half of the movie you're in her so deep, you can feel her stomach! Marsha says,

“I’m not ready to be committed, solo, what’s gonna happen between us? I just got outta a bad relationship and to be honest...I'm just not ready.”

“I mean, I like you, but I’m not ready for a serious relationship right now…but we can be friends,” replies Mike…

WHAAT!! *Trey Songz voice*

This is a common lie guys tell females A LOT, when they just wanna have sex with no strings attached. Mike knew what he was doing. He knew what he was saying. He knew Marsha wanted him to take it down like Ray J did Kim K! All in all, he was running game like LeBron is about to do to these Bobcats! When Marsha stated, “…I’m not ready for a commitment,” this really meant, "I’m DTF (down to f___), only if you’re willing to commit!" At that point, this gave Mike the, “beat it up, even tho I’m not in a relationship” pass. At the end of the day, this will be a lie guys continue to tell…ladies, just be smart, use your words wisely because not being direct will get you hurt.

I Been Busy Or Nah:

BEST SH*T EVEEEER!

I'm joking, but no one is that damn busy where they cant send a text or call for a minute or two. Like seriously? We live in time where people live with their phones in their hands and guys? Sure, he might actually be busy but with school, work, his kids, running errands, and things of that nature, but honestly, there are so many opportunities to let someone you're talking to/married to/going out with know you're thinking about them. I've had this problem but, this ain't the blog for that to talk about women and their bullish*t, but no man is truly THAT busy; it's bs ladies. (some) Dudes be too busy...GETTING busy' respect it, check it, or neglect it (you know my motto). No dude wants to come off as being thirsty, so how is he gonna act? The exact opposite. “I’ve been too busy even for myself,” is utter malarkey, think about it; Monday – Friday evening I’ve been busy, (so I say), 6PM rolls around and you hit me up and all of a sudden, NOW I’m not busy? HA! Ladies, be careful, once you become “open” he becomes open, #ThinkAboutIt.

I Got Dem Js Or Nah:
I know a lot of dudes lying about basic sh*t like...Jordans because they think a woman will be like, "oh you aint got no damn degree but you got a Masters in Jordanology!" I know grown ass women who want matching sneakers with their man and matching f***ing clothes and matching f****ing Gucci belts and it's sickening! But what grown man lies about dressing nice? Like, this shouldn't even be a topic but dead ass it's crazy! Thanks to Instagram, dudes are able to search for a pic, crop it, add a filter, add some corny ass caption, and post it like it's theirs. You tell her you got all these Steve Harvey suits and Burberry ties and she comes to your house searching around and now she's looking like...

When you're in your mid 20s and up still lying about materialistic sh*t like that will impress a WOMAN...bruh, you need to look in the mirror...

and smash ya face.

Ima Leave Her For You Or Nah:
People think that side pieces are this new age thing anddd...they are not:
“Woman to Woman," - Betty Wright (my favorite)

"As We Lay" - Shirley Murdock 

"Friend of Mine" - Kelly Price

“Can’t Be the Other Woman" - Changing Faces

A man will fill your head up with this bs about, "leaving his main woman for you," and months down the line...it's the same f***ing sh*t! These songs illustrate just that: these dudes ain't loyal! Come and tell Renaissance Brotha how good that pu*** is that it'll make him leave the woman who washes his clothes, irons, cooks, cleans up his car, gives him money, sucks and f***s him whenever, wherever without fear of being seen and someone telling...

...I'll wait...

Oh yea b*tch, it ain't happening. This lie is great because he gets to keep manipulating you and he gets to go home to his girl like everything is cool. Oh, you thought he was doing something when he double tapped on your pic? Haaa! You MUST be on the same thing Frank Ocean was on while he was messing with the, “model broad w/ the Hollywood smileee,” to think that this bold face lie holds any kinda truth. Ladies:

DON’T (claps hands) GIVE HIM (claps hands) THE (claps hands) TIME OF DAY, (claps hands) UNTIL (claps hands) THE (claps hands) MAIN CHICK (claps hands) IS NO LONGER IN THE WAY (claps hands 2x)!!! 

I Got Kids...Or Nah:

Ahhh, the world we live in where men openly lie or decide to omit info about that they're fathers to women they decide to talk, outta fear of scaring her off or...because he just doesn't give a f***! The moment you treat your children like a hand in a game of Spades where your partner ask you, "how many you got homie," and you're like this...

shoot yourself. 

We're talking kids here...kids...not your baby mama situation...kids *A.I. voice*

So many women are understanding of a man who has kids because that helps them get some kinda understanding as to who you are and what you're about and what kinda man you will be (in a sense) to her/for her. A man who don't take care of his kids, more times than none won't take care of you REGARDLESS of the situation (I am willing to debate this one, even tho I am not a father). If he lying about his kids, sh*t, he might be lying about the girl who always drops them off who ain't his baby moms...

which brings me to my last point

She’s Just a Friend Or Nah:
I have many female friends, hell, I'm still best friends with one of my ex GF, why? Because we were FRIENDS before we got into a relationship. Now I know many women are gonna be like, "what the f*** do ya'll still need to be friends for?" When you're an adult, this crazy thing called maturity gets factored in and you're able to hold convos and go out and chill. Some dudes I know and some dudes you'll meet ladies aren't "just friends" with some of their female friends...they're f***ing them...and when I say f*cking, I mean, he's sticking his penis inside of her, from missionary, doggy, and reverse cowgirl. Because of Instagram, females are lead to believe that any female who tends to leave an emoji face or some kinda of comment that suggest more than the relationship actually is...that the dude is f***ing her. I'm here to say that's wrong...sometimes. Dudes will tell you this and erase the comment so fast, *phew*. When you ask him and he starts to smile, giggle, chuckle even...he's giving her the D in, and or around her mouth! This doesn't apply to new couples or "just talking/getting to know" because ya'll don't have sh"t established, so have a seat elsewhere. This applies to couple with some years because a dude will lie in your face while having sex, mid stroke, I'm talking while you're moaning and mutter to you that he is not f***ing the girl who ALWAYS takes ya'll order at Red Lobster. What you ladies need to do is to gather evidence, approach his ass, ask him, and if he denies, present it to him and then you slap his punk ass and then you find that b**** and ask her to do it for the Vine...while you cock your gun back!

*We at A Better Breed Of Man do not support gun violence and no adult problem should be handled with such brash decisions*

I'm not even gonna come up with some fancy ass ending: just don't lie fellas. I know it's hard because the truth hurts, hell, life hurts, point is, the one you love don't deserve that. Lie to your boss. Lie to the cop about to write you a ticket. Don't lie to your woman...KARMA SUCKS, TRUST ME I KNOW! We, have, to, do, BETTER guys and I mean that. If it has to start with one, so be it, but, let it be a step forward and not a step to the side or backwards. Be about progression…you’ll get more outta life. 

@Renaissance_Brotha_

S.H.O.R.T.I.E.S.

S.H.O.R.T.I.E.S =

Seriously,
Height
Only
Reminds
The
Intellectual
&
Educated
*of*
Shallowness

Ok, so I added an "o"...sue me but how great is that acronym! But before you start getting all defensive, know this:

1) I'm like 5'6...ish
2) if you don't believe me, take ya ass to Home Depot or Lowes (you know, the place where you can buy the Mimi shower rods at), find the aisle where the measuring tapes are, come measure me (no pun intended), and get an answer, to your question.
3) cool your jets because you're about to read some real sh*t!

I digress,

*class is in session*

Peep the scenario:
Rita and Candice are best friends. Candice, has a man, whom she loves and has been with for over 3 yrs. Rita on the other hand: runs thru men like newborn babies do diapers! Rita, tired of dealing with “dudes who aint bout sh**,” often calls Candice to vent about the shortage of good men. Candice, frustrated, decides to tell Rita about Jon: a co-worker she often talks to during her lunch break.

Jon: a recent college school grad with a M.A. in Dental Sciences, outgoing, personable, under 700 followers on Instagram, has often been called, “the light skin Morris Chestnut,” cooks a mean mac & cheese with some garlic mashed potatoes, and fried chicken, has his own place, pays his own rent/bills, loves reality tv on his down time, and single...gets set up on a blind date with Rita.

Candice, having talked to Rita before she goes out on her date, forgot to disclose one thing

…his height.

Rita, standing tall at 5’1" (5’6" in heels) swore to NEVER date a man under 6 foot! When Rita finds out that Jon is 5’8", she is no longer interested. Candice, mad as all hell, decides to hook Rita up with Maggie: aspiring model/IHOP waitress, which results in a “happy ending".

This scenario may sound crazy but trust me, it's real! How many times have you heard,

“Oh damn, he got it going on like that?!
Wait, what you say girl...he’s what?!?!
How tall!?!?"
*dial tone*

I feel a lot women have irrational, illogical, and idiotic height preferences these days, especially the ones that are short as sh**! The average height for a man is 5’9 BUT for some odd reason, to ladies, that’s still considered short! Short dudes (myself included) who are shorter than the average, get thrown waaay under the proverbial short yellow bus more times than none. The fact that a woman can say in one instance, “I’m not dating him because he looks like he could be my lil brother,” and then turn around say, “I rather date a dude who hustles & keeps me on his IG," to me, that is utterly f****** absurd!

Now I know you're laughing but this way of thinking is also associated with:
•If I’m 6'5" and a jerk to people: then I’m just a jerk.
•If I’m 5'5" and I’m a jerk to people: then I have Napoleon Complex.
•If I’m 6'5" driving a truck: then that's ok.
•If I’m 5'5" driving a truck: then I’m overcompensating.

Exactly...what the F***!

The women who are fully self-aware, still take part in this tom-f***ery, saying things like, "girl I know I’m wrong, but how’s it gonna look when I bring my midget man to the family BBQ and they get him confused for one of my students?". Yup, I know you're laughing, but just imagine if the tables were turned and we as men went around saying, “man, I know I’m wrong for saying this, but aint it gonna look weird when I bring that big b**** to the family BBQ and she eats all the damn food? Now my auntie lookin at me like I did sumthin wrong!”

Shallow, s***! 

The same females that indict men on charges for being too picky/superficial, are the same ones that attend mass services at Holy Double Standard I’ll Pass on The Short Men Community Baptist Church, are shallow-super duper-ficial ass females that need to plank off the Empire State building. Do I honestly care that a female isn’t going pick me over a tall dude like fat kids, Asians, and nerds are picked last for dodge ball? Yes, just a little! But I care because I'm quite sure (outside of my height) ima qualified candidate to be some woman's future baby daddy/side piece/MCM (man crush monday)/King/BF/husband or whatever.

What makes the situation even funnier is that some women will get all Bill Nye The Science Guy and say sh*t like, "a tall man? Honey I needs one! I need to feel like safe, secure, like I'm in a Snuggie when I'm in his arms...not a hand towel (making reference to being with a short man)." Average height for a woman is 5’4...5-flippin-4! Now, for those who wear heels, hell, kudos to you, I love me a woman in some heels; nothing is sexier! But when you're not in heels and yo ass is short, I mean to the point where I can rest my chin on yo forehead, you have no damn right to call me nor any other dude that's taller than you, short. I understand the importance of physical attraction, and I’m sure those who are reading this will remind me of that as well but unless you're already tall (5'8" and up) you can't be out here being picky when your dad stayed with your mama and her ass was wearing weave since Jim Crow days and he STILL ain't see her natural hair!

Your preference is taller men, why? Because you're afraid of what your friends are gonna say about you when they see you out and about with a man who is either slightly shorter or your height? You wanna feel secure? Oh, you WANT a man that's tall? How about HAVING a man that will "stand tall" in the face of adversity! Spare me with the heels sh** because no secure man will even think twice and say some sh** like, "heels? I mean, you sure you wanna be that much taller than me babe, I mean, we only going to Red Lobster!" Noooooo, a real man isn't gonna care! Unless you're tall already, that height preference makes you shallow - there, I said it. I understand your preference is that of your own, but if you not that tall, yo ass don't need to be that choosy. You're attracted to men with some height, I get it. You wanna be able to look up at him, I get it. A guys preference for titts and ass is just that...titts and ass, not, "oh babe, make sure those titties don't pop out while you're drinking your daiquiri!"

Who gives a f*** about yo preference! (French Montana voice)

If you're dating a man who cares about height...don't waste your time, energy, nor attention because 8/10, he's gonna bring that sh*t up continuously. Now I like tall chicks, I would date one in a heartbeat, just like I would date a short one because the only few things that matter to me is: how great her personality is, is she educated, will she compliment me, and will she let me eat her p****, the way Niko did Mimi! So you damn right I’m mad when I get rejected by tall ass Lisa Leslie with the 38D breast, Buffie booty, pretty feet, and smile that out shine the sun. I also get mad when ol’ brown skin Kelly Rowland with the curly natural hair and the booty that look like two apples in her jeans tell me, “na chocolate…I’ll pass!” when we're virtually the same F***ING HEIGHT! You're wiling to pass up a good man because you can't look up at him and eye fu** him? Please, get ya life! Don't say, "oh, you're saying that because you're short," no, I'm saying that because height (unless you're already tall) doesn't matter. You know how many times I've been curved by taller women because they didn't feel secure (yup, I'm pretty sure a few of you are reading this and will hit me up and ask)? Many! If I don't care about my height, why should you? 

-signed, every short man in America!

I'm completely understanding of preference but if you're not tall...why be so picky? Do women not admire confidence in a man?

Lemme hear what you gotta say

@renaissance_brotha_