I Have AIDS

I do NOT have AIDS but..

I Have ALWAYS Included Darkskin Sistas.

*****

I posted the above picture as a social experiment. Anytime that something gets posted to social media that's vague or with little to no context, it becomes open to interpretation. So, if you don't give context along with a post of this magnitude, folks will assume, judge, imply, etc and they have every right to do so.

I succeeded in getting you all here. Also, I enjoy acronyms.

I digress...

So, I'm not mad at what transpired, but if you're under the impression that I have "A.I.D.S." then I'm sorry because I don't and PLEASE understand that this wasn't done as a joke or to mock those who do have HIV. My mother died from complications of HIV and trust me...my angle wasn't to mock or make light of such a serious situation.

I left the post without context and I responded how I responded to many of you because I knew it would be met with skepticism. It's crazy because people still will judge the cover of a book but will not once skim the contents. We live in a time where transparency is welcomed...to an extent. We live in a time where folks make subtle jokes about having or catching STDs/HIV and it's disgusting! It's appalling, to say the least. Nevertheless: SAFE SEX is important. Get tested. Don't be afraid to SHARE your results with your partner. Wear condoms, hell, even wear dental dam, why?

Because safe sex matters!

*class is in session*

There was a time when I wanted my skin to be lighter. I remember getting bullied for being "too dark" and also having a lot of fights because I just couldn't handle those jokes. I heard a bunch of dark skin jokes and it messed me up because I really thought a lot of them were the truth. When you're young, you internalize things totally different than when you're an adult. I mean, now I look back and laugh because for the most part, some of the jokes were funny. As kids, you joke on each other, get mad, argue, maybe you fight, but then you go back to being cool because nothing was ever done with a malicious intent. I had moments where I disliked my teenage years because my homies always had jokes and it was annoying, but more importantly, the ladies weren't even checkin' for me. There were times when even being ashy (having dry skin), was a problem. I would carry lotion in my book bag because I didn't want to my skin to be ashy and for it to lead to jokes, because God forbid I had to whip someone's ass...with rough ass skin. I would literally steal bottles of Aveeno from CVS because I HATED having dry skin! I was always made to believe that being dark skin wasn't accepted. I get in my early 20s and the jokes continue but NOW...the women love my skin!

"Hey chocolate!"

"Damn! You fine for a darkskin dude."

"When you gon let that chocolate melt in my mouth and not in my hands?"

Ok, so maybe not the last one but you get my point- I'm POPPIN' now! Present day and women LOVE my skin! As I got older and gained a greater understanding of what it meant to be a dark skin brotha and began to understand racism, stereotypes, generalizations, and colorism a lot more; (darkskin) women were going through it, as well. We fast forward to now and it's crazy to see how not much has changed. So, not only do women have to deal with racism, harassment and discrimination (sometimes in the workplace), inequality, but because you're darker...you have to deal with colorism, as well.

In a sense, because you're light skin; you're placed on this pedestal and treated and seen as "better" because of the shade of your skin, compared to a individual who is darker than you are- that's colorism.

This notion that "light skin, is the right skin" is fu**in' stupid! So many women grew up to have this complex about their skin and it sucks because for years and years, they were made to feel as though that they weren't enough. They grew up in a household where they were joked on. Went to school and the jokes continued. Turned on TV, listened to music, watched movies and the jokes continued. The jokes might've been funny back then, but could you imagine at the age you're currently at, hearing, "yo, dark skin girls are yada yada blah blah!"? You (hand clap) would (hand clap) be infuriated (hand clap, hand clap)! So many dark skin women are shamed, solely because of their complexion. That little girl grows into a young adult that into a grown woman, is now insecure because she was lead to believe that her complexion wasn't pretty as everyone else's. All of that shows in how she carries herself, in how she loves herself, and how she allows others, to love her as well. This toxic cycle must stop!

From the way these magazines brand and market, to the modeling industry, to selective representation of those of color on TV and in movies, even down to what society glorifies, and even on social media; if you're light skin or even a lighter shade of brown...you're treated fairly better and you more accepted, than those who are darker. It's stupid! What society has been really good at, is creating an image that if you look this "particular" way, than you're "better". I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I haaaaate it! These magazines, social networking sites, etc, that photoshop pics and talk about "this is beauty" and it's the picture of some ol' light skin ass person, is awful! They will even alter the way a dark skin model looks, to make her "more appealing"; noooooooo, motherf**ka! I hate the fact that we as people discriminate against one another because of the complexion of our skin. I hate how social media tends to pit men and women against each other with dumbass memes and quotes n'sh*t, about how one's (skin) tone is better than the next and that beauty isn't that of a darker complexion. A lot of the discrimination that we face and see on a day to day basis, I'm sure, roots back to slavery and probably before then. While I'm not sure when it began...it needs to need.

When I say "I have always included dark skin sistas": I mean I have never discriminated, rejected, degraded, or downplayed any woman of a darker shade (or any shade for that matter) because of her complexion. When I talk about women that are beautiful, dark skin women have always been included in the topic. It's always been disheartening to hear fellow Black people say how a woman (or man) is ugly because they're dark or too light or short or tall, etc etc. I understand preference, but preference should never be followed by talking down on what you don't particularly like, in a negative way. It's f***ed enough, that we gotta hear/see it from those on the outside but when it's your own people? Man *sigh* smh. I feel like the Black community talks so much about becoming more unified one minute and then the next minute...we're overtime to divide.

Why is that?

So, I completely understand preference and not wanting to date someone because you prefer this or that. Or maybe you prefer Beyonce over Lupita, but the thing that happens when we discuss these preferences, often times, we do so and the "lesser" becomes the subject of ridicule. I've heard so many actors, models, entertainers, athletes, rappers, etc talk down on (dark skin) women and it's tacky because they see no problem in using their platform in spreading negativity and ignorance. You have (some Black) men who do not find dark skin sistas attractive and that's ok: what you like is what you like. What isn't ok is what gets said about those same group of women, BY Black men. If we are supposed to be leaders as Black men within the Black community and in the household and the representation of what a man/king looks like, as the head of the Black family unit and we're supposed to protect and uplift and love Black women: why has it become so cool, to publicly degrade/mock women of a darker complexion? As a black man, how do you feel so comfortable reducing a woman to being less than the next, because she doesn't fit within your standards of what you find to be beautiful!? How is it that her complexion makes her less attractive?

Then you have some black women who are even worse! You can go on social media right now and see meme after meme, post after post and see countless arguments and debates,  about how "ugly dark skin women are" amongst (black) women! F*** if white people are doing it: WHY is this still happening among Black women who are considered to be queens and goddesses?!

"Well, I see your point, but it isn't that deep!"

Yes it is! Black women are so critical about how others perceive them and what gets said about them, but yet they continue to do the work of oppressing each other with "shade", pettiness, and jokes, all for likes and laughs! You don't even realize that you've been conditioned to FEEL AND THINK, that you're better because of your complexion, but it has also become routine for you to continuously make fun of the next black woman, because her melanin doesn't look like yours? GTFOH!

Beauty isn't limited to one shade!

We have to stop saying sh** like...

It makes me sick to my stomach because there's a dumbass out there, that believes that shi* like this is cool to say! No no no no no no no no no *Blac Youngsta voice*. First and motherfu**in foremost- it's a backhanded compliment. It's like if someone said, "you're articulate, for a black person" or "you look good, for a fat girl.". Once again, I get preference, but the moment you "compliment" a woman but attach it with some stupid s*** like, "for a Black girl/woman" you just make yourself sound/look stupid! She's not flattered. She's not gonna feel like she's beautiful! The very moment she becomes defensive to what you've said, is the very moment you try to play it off as a joke or label her sensitive because she feels the way she does. Nah, b...we ain't got time for that!

We have to stop reposting dumbass memes via social media because it does nothing more than make us as black folks, look as if we're nothing more than the butt of a joke! (Black men and women) write sh** off as jokes, but the moment someone is offended by said joke then they're "too sensitive"! I'm not supposed to feel offended because the joke comes at my expense? It's with that same mindset that (some) white people look at US and scratch their heads like, "it's ok to when they do it but not us?"

"YES!"

NO!

WE'RE ONLY MAKING IT ACCEPTABLE! Plus it's hypocritical! For the same reason why (some) women don't want to date shorter men- for whatever reasons they have- is along the same lines as to why (some) men, are reluctant to date women because of their weight! A white man calls a dark skin woman a some derogatory name and we within the Black community will riot! A black man says the same thing, with the same tone, and we laugh and (some of us) get mad and then we go right back to laughing! The sh*t is bananas! Malcom X talked about how the black woman is the most disrespected and the most unprotected and you wanna know what? He was right! How can we unify as one, if we continue to destroy what we're building? You don't find dark skin women to be attractive...move the hell on! 

We must begin to reteach, re program, and mentally reshape, how we behave and how speak to and about one another!

When there are talks about beauty, dark skin women are excluded. There are constant jokes and insults about how less attractive dark skin women are and many fail to realize how others internalize what gets said. I think about Lil' Kim- who wasn't (isnt) dark skin btw- and how she got to a point in her life, where she started altering her skin. I'm from Brooklyn (New York) and I grew up on listening to her music and she was iconic. She was (is) beautiful. Recently she had this to say,

"All my life men have told me I wasn’t pretty enough—even the men I was dating…It’s always been men putting me down just like my dad. To this day when someone says I’m cute, I can’t see it. I don’t see it no matter what anybody says. I have low self-esteem and I always have."

How many women can readily identify with that? PLENTY! The whole light skin vs. dark skin debate within the Black community is not only stupid, but it's cancerous and problematic. How can we continue to advance if we continue to put each other down? You have little dark skin girls who will be teased and bullied and 9/10 it will come from another little boy and or girl that looks just like her! Parents, grandparents, siblings, uncles, aunts, etc are guilty of this behavior as well! So many adults reading this have pitted the dark skin girls in the family against the light skin ones or the light brown ones and have made those little chocolate babies feel less adequate! You continue to feed into these negative stereotypes- which not only create a complex among these little girls who grow to become grown women- but it damages their self esteem! I don't care if you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, and so on and so forth: you have been made to feel less than what you truly are, based on your appearance! Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder but we're arguing about who's better...WHEN EVERYONE ELSE SEES US AS BLACK!

So yes, I have always included dark skin sistas in topics that involve beauty and I will continue to do so! There will always be someone who finds the moon to be more attractive than the sun and vice versa. There will always be someone who finds a dark skin woman to be less beautiful than a woman who is light brown or light skin and vice versa. The problem isn't about preference. The problem comes with the spreading of ignorance and calling it a "preference". Beauty will also be in the eye of the beholder, but do you use your lips spread ignorance?

To all the dark skin sistas, just know I love and appreciate you, dearly and sincerely.

*class dismissed*

@renaissance_brotha