Me: So, when we chillen again?
Her: I gotta get back to you. I got a busy work week coming up and I don't wanna plan something and something come up, you know.
Me: But isn't your schedule set?
Her: Yea, and?
Me: And, if your schedule is set, and you know what time you get off everyday, how could something that WE plan, together, get rescheduled?
Her: I mean, I'm just keeping my options open. I loved our first date and I would like to see you but I...
Me: But you're swerving me? Be honest.
Her: Those are your words, not mine. I would like to see you again...I just don't know when Sha...
Me: Don't even have to finish that...I'll be in touch.
Was I upset or anything like that? No. I wholeheartedly respect anybody that can keep it 100% with me at ALL TIMES! In this particular case, I saw it coming and once I began to hear another man's name come out, I knew what it was.I was being swerved. I've been swerved more than the Yankees has championships! I can handle rejectionI've learned to handle rejection as I got older and what rejection does is this:
1) keep you down and discourage you from trying again or
2) it can make you look at what might have went wrong, work on that, and approach the next situation, differently.
Now on the flip side...I've swerved more women than the Knicks have championships (they have 2, I've swerved 4 to be exact). Sometimes, women miss the signs that are in front of them because often times, those signs aren't so clear. Other times, they're clearer than a MOTHERF****!!! This piece doesn't come from a place of malice or hurt or any of that (no-no). I'm not using this platform of mine to talk down on the opposite sex or belittle them any (no-no). I'm using this platform of mine to help the women of the world (ok, the ones who frequent my blog) to get a better understanding of what it means when a guy is JUST not that into them as they are lead to believe.
*class is in session*
I know what you're thinking, "what in the HELL does swerve mean?" Well, according to urbandictionary.com, "swerve" is often used to imply dodging someone.
Example:
Brandon: Yo, y'all wait for me! I wanna go to lunch with y'all.
Maria: You really gon wait for him?
Jon Jon: Nah, I'm bout to swerve him and tell him we bout to go Subway!
I digress...
No female wants to be swerved! Y'all will do everything in yall powers to swerve a dude before he swerves you, why? Because (some) women don't know HOW to deal with rejection in a rational manner and will allow it to harbor for a long period of time and so on and so forth. On the other hand...a lot of y'all aren't reading the warning signs placed in front of you! There's this thing called...*thinking to self*...oh, I got it...it's called A HINT! Remember when you were younger and you would play a game and somebody didn't wanna give you a DIRECT response/answer and they would give you a hint? Well, men do the same thing, but we do it in different ways and the following will help you to be able to better identify...
If hints were horse sh*t, you'd be Miley Cirus twerkin all in it! Sure, certain signs aren't that easy to recognize like a guy not calling and texting you if he’s not interested, because men who do that will still entertain you in different ways. "Yo, you really need to stop hittin me up, I'm not feeling you like that," usually gets translated into some sorta bs mixed signal. Sure, he might be thinkin, "damn, you're personality is boring as sh*t but you got some good ass p****...I'll hit you when I need some of those back shots," but what gets said is..."oh yea, oh yea, I enjoyed it too...I can't wait to see you again babe (insert smiley emoji)." Most dudes are gonna curtail what they REALLY wanna say because honestly, things flow better that way, so, he'll keep texting and what not, even tho he's not that interested. Dudes will fake interest in an effort to spare feelings. It’s ironic, by refusing to be rude and leading women on, we create this fake reality which not only wastes her time, but ends up scarring her worse than that initial rejection would have. You think Mike is being nice when he tells you he's busy Monday-Friday to grab something to eat but FINDS time to talk and text with you a majority of the day...hmmm, something smells fishy. You think he doesn't want to get into a relationship with you because he told you over and over...and over, how his last GF did him wrong but he finds time to get into your panties and doesn't look to be in a relationship with you anytime soon...hmmm, something smells fishy. He can tell you the grass is blue and the sky is green and explain the SH*T outta why it is but because you're so caught up, you can't see what dude is doing! Dude ain't busy, he's not incomplete like Sisqo
was, you're not his type, and he's not into you like that. He's still a boy, dressed up like a man...give that man an Emmy!
That man performs like Denzel and TALKS pretty damn smooth...but the two of y'all never talk about sh*t! While looks may draw you to each other, one conversation can be the difference between turning someone on and turning someone off. There are girls who assume that because a guy asked for her phone number that he’s interested, that’s half true. He was interested initially, but that doesn't mean you are going to automatically keep his attention. You could be great the first few weeks and then, you fall flat. You know what it's like meeting a new chick? Like Tyrone Biggums taking a hit of CRACK! We as men act like Rick Ross at an all you can eat buffet when we meet a new chick! If you're not doing your job and we've been on a few dates and things are just blah and we meet someone new...8/10 you're getting swerved hun. You think those basic ass convos y'all have mean something? Nah. Think about all of what yall talk about. Now I want you to think about how much of that is VALUABLE info....calculate that...*add the 1*...if you guys spend 1 1/2 hours or more on the phone and only 20-sumthin mins of it is useful info, that's something to think about. The contents of your conversation will reveal all if you’re willing to take your head out of your ass, stop smiling, and actually pay attention. When a dude is young, all he has is his convo, why? Because he's not allowed to do much BESIDES talk and get to know you & plus, it's bs convo. An older man ain't got time to be spending on the phone, talking about basic issues like y'all did in HS. There’s a difference between a man who asks how your day was and means it, and one who is just trying to get brownie points. If he really cares he will ask deeper questions: is your co-worker still getting on your nerves? How's so&so doing? Hell, if he kicks you off the phone because he knows you have school work to do, *ding ding ding*. A man who is interested will be invested. If you’re a grown woman and your “friend” only wants to talk about sending nudes, when you’re coming over, or always playing video games or watching t.v., not paying you no-neva-mind, then he’s not invested in your life, he’s invested in his life. Stop the HS sh*t and grow up.
"But the guy I'm with took me out already and we're friends on social networks!" - student sitting in the middle.
I'm glad you said that because that brings me to my next point: a date or two and following each other on social networks means sh*t these days! You think ima let you tag me in your pics when we go out on a date? Nah. B****, crop me out the photo and say you're out with "him"...b****es like "him. Now, just because we talk a lot via DM, FBM, etc means nothing! How the hell can I tell if you're being nice or sarcastic via a convo thru your inbox? I can't, unless you state it. Guys are a lot more thirsty, which is easy to pick up on but ladies, it's done differently. Just because he entertains you on these networks, doesn't necessarily mean he's feeling you. Honesty is brutal, but it’s also the most decent thing a person can practice. Dudes who are interested, will ask you for your number and continue it offline, and as the two of you have built up enough familiarity, he might even ask you on a date. Now I know a lot of you ladies will shake ya heads at this but if a guy likes you, he will try to have sex with you early. We might get rejected but a man likes a challenge. This is done...well, I won't say why it's done. Guys who aren't really interested may still try to hit, but it’s a half-ass attempt because she’s not worthy of his "LeBron in the Playoffs type game." You got him to take you to the place that has great margaritas and mediocre steak, round of applause. But what did you learn on that date? I'll answer: sh*t. He wasn't that interested so he allowed you to pick the place and lies to you when he said, "oh yea, I had a good time, when ima see you again?" Probably never because you ain't let him hit it, you ordered mad sh*t and only ate a quarter of it, talked about how North West is a dumb name for a child, how your professor is always late, and...you ended the date with a messily ass church hug, you're lucky if you get a text! It's not all about sex, but, if you're not f***king by date two, considered yourself canceled.
If a man likes you, he will do any and every thing it is in his powers to see you, point blank. If he rearranges his schedule just to fit you in, that's a clear sign he wants to see you especially if he plans the damn date. If he gives you some sh*t like, "I can't do it, I tol my cousin I'd wait on line with him for them new Js," or some s*** like, "I don't wanna stay out too late because I have work at 1...pm," clearly that's a sign he's not into you. No man makes excuses not to see a woman he likes, but he will create a laundry list to avoid the women he doesn't like. Open your f***ing eyes, if he was down for you, he would be around you. Where’s that "him" you’re refusing to talk to other guys for? Where’s that "him" you've been making subtweets/post about? Where’s the "him" that you’re thinking about right now? He’s where he wants to be, and clearly that isn't with you. Talk is cheap...and so is the leather quality on the Jordans he wears while he's out with the chick he's REALLY interested in! If you think you're too "all that" to not get curved...consider the last guy you've talked to and it didn't go accordingly...I'll wait...
Stop ignoring the signs and making excuses! If a guy is not that into, he's simply not that into you. Fellas, stop leading this women on as well. Not only are you f***ing yourselves up but you're damaging her as well! Insecurities don't just come from family, friends, and life experiences, they come from the relationships they have with men! At the end of the day tho, ladies
...you gotta respect the curve.
@renaissance_brotha_
If you are unfamiliar with the show, Love & Hip Hop ATL, please take a lil time to look up the show and come back.
One of the more popular characters off the show is a lovable, funny, music producer known in the Hip Hop world by the name of Stevie J. Besides being so charming; he's an all around manipulative d***! His intentions might be good some of the time, but every other time...he's a d***! I like him tho because he's real and upfront about a lot of his actions. So for today's class, we'll focus on men LIKE Stevie J and the women, who tend to fall for them. If you're familiar with who he is, great! If you're not, Google him before you read this and then come back...
And enjoy the mother****** show!
SHABBA!
*class is in session*
Love sucks! Ok, I don't mean that but THIS, I do mean: at some point in your life, you will find that one person to love you the way you want to be loved, forever and a day. Sappy, I know, but it's something I truly believe. Here's the kicker tho; although there are plenty fish in the sea, no matter how great of a catch you would like to think you are, there's always gonna be somebody who looks at you and says, "tuuh...I'm good!" and "toss you ass back in that water". You see, there's a big difference between a guy being your friend vs. him being the potential love of your life and many times women get that confused for whatever reason and all hell tends to break loose! We as men, aren't that complicated when deciding such tings! Let's look at it like this: you have your "lead actress" and then you have your "supporting actress." The "leading lady" is like your GF, plain and simple. Now on the OTHER hand, you have your "supporting actress," who is not QUITE like your GF but, is similar in some ways. These "supporting actresses" aren't side pieces, heauxs, or anything like that, oh no; these are girls guys meet and sometimes treat like our real GFs but we never give them the title. They’re simply practice, a warm up for the "lead actress" we're currently seducing or the lead actress that we know will come our way. When you think about this in terms of Love & Hip Hop ATL (and I hope you did your HW) you think about the "love triangle" that is Stevie J x Mimi x Joseline.
Mimi: is the on again/off again "leading lady" (baby mother of Stevie J's daughter) who gets put thru more sh*t than a hog in mud.Joseline: is the on again/off again "supporting actress" to Stevie J with hopes of becoming an international "supastar" who gets put thru more sh*t than a shovel in horse sh*t!Stevie J: ...is the mother****** man! Shaft, Dolomite, ain't got S*** on him! If you ain't "on the bus," (as he frequently puts it from time to time) you better catch up, or get left!
Now let's look at how all of that applies to you reading.
Nowadays, these "supporting actresses" think they are gaining points by meeting family and friends when in reality...none of that means sh*t! You think meeting my moms is gonna somehow make me wanna wife you up? No b****! You think because you and my brothers think LeBron is a piece a sh*t and y'all laugh at his receding hairline, that ima put a baby in you? No b****! You think because you and my lil sister follow each other on IG/Twitter and repost/retweet each others sh*t, that you've become closer to me? No b****! Oh, so you hyped at the fact that my uncle Vern said you look good and felt on your booty just a lil bit...that n**** was drunk and he do that to everybody! I brought one girl around my family and they loved the hell outta her! Hell, it got to a point where they asked about her more than they did about me and WE'RE RELATED! Ladies, don't confuse a nice gesture for an act of love unless otherwise stated, or you'll only end up feeling like s*** and looking stupid. A dude can bring you around his parents and say, "she might be the one," in front of you and yo ass will light up like the sky on the fourth of July and his ass won't mean it! I'm not saying this to crush hopes and dreams, I'm saying it from a realistic point of view. Men play this manipulative game and women follow right along with it, happier than a kid at a school pizza party. Once again, I'm not telling you this to crush your dreams and spirit, I'm telling you this so you can be aware of what COULD (be) happen(ing). Enjoy your time around his family. Laugh, joke, eat, but don't read too far into it. Just because you meet his family doesn't mean you’re close to joining his family. So don't hop on Twitter talking about, "babe got me around his family! His moms can cook her ass off...gotta love my mother-in-law!" And speaking of Twitter...
There's no need for me to put on any social network that we are BF & GF. "Put you're in a relationship with me on Facebook, so I know it's real!" Uhhh, no! "Post a pic & tag me in it, so they know it's real!" Uhhh, no! "Tweet that you love me babe, so they know it's real!" Uhhh, no! "Po...," you get the point I'm tryna make. You think I'm gonna be dumb enough to say we're in a relationship when we're only dating? Ha! If I take you on a date here and there every other week and don't mention anything about you being my GF, but you have concluded that after a few months of us just "dating"...then I'm in a relationship with my barber, hell, I'm in a relationship with the dude at the deli who sells me the scratch offs because we see each other just as much as I see yo ass. Men aren't stupid to state that you two are in a relationship, why? Because it lessens his "pool of pu***"! You think he's gonna dig himself a hole all because you want to make it "Instagram official"? Not gon happen, neva! If he hasn't given you the title in real life, why would he acknowledge your ass in the cyber one? Only dummies make their "supporting ladies" social network official knowing they’re going to be up at 2am liking pics of girls they really want to be with. #FactsOfLife
Now I know what you're thinking, "does it get any worse?" Yup, but not entirely too bad...keep reading.
(Some) women are quick to say, "I throw on that Freak-um dress and some heels and I will have him hooked!" Uhhh, no! You think just because you throw on some leggings, some Jordan's, and a cut up shirt I'm suppose to be impressed? Nope, try again! You think a maxi dress with a thong in between yo ass with some wedges and your make-up done nice, is gonna get my d*** hard? Nope! (ok, a tad). The point I'm tryna make is that, guys don't really care too much about how you dress ESPECIALLY if you look like every other chick...then you're a basic b****! And no (real) man wants a basic b****! Just like you don't like him sagging his pants like all those dudes that you see on the block, he doesn't want someone who looks like the girl he was dancing with at the club last night or the annoying chick from work who's always fashionably late. Sure, we like a lil cleavage, a lil make-up done nicely, a nice ass in some jeans or whatever, but there's no need to come out the house looking like you're about to audition for the next Rick Ross, Lil' Wayne music video because you think that's what all men like! Noooo! It's nice, but it shouldn't be the norm. Getting us to break our neck to look at you is easy; getting us to want to be with your ass is the hard part. You know why Stevie J keeps Joseline around (other than the sex is crazy, I imagine)? Because she has sex appeal. You know WHY he goes back to Mimi time and time again, other than the fact that she's his baby mama? Because SHE has class. A woman who knows how to carry herself will always beat out a woman who only looks to carry herself for attention purposes. It’s not all about image, it’s mostly personality. Let’s be honest, a lot of women are annoying. Men are afraid to say that, but a lot of you gorgeous women annoy the hell out of us. It’s not about being ratchet or giving attitude, that’s easy to handle. Talking too much, being flighty, being too needy, not communicating– that sh*t will get you left alone with the quickness A woman with some swag and confidence out beats the woman with just swag, 9/10 and those are the ones that get that title regardless of how long you've been in the "supporting role" position.
"So how do you feel when a girl says, 'good p*** make a n**** listen!'?" - female student in front, far right.
...yea, listen to sound of his d*** going in and outta your vagina!
"But what if he stayed around for months before they even had sex, and its not about sex...its about love."? - male student in the back, far right.
She's the "supporting role," not Kat Stacks. Listen, he's doing this so he can be ready for when "the one" comes along into the picture. Men know that the lead actress is going be tough as nails to have sex with, so there's no need to focus on the sex right out the gate. He's not coming over to seduce you midway into that Netflix movie so he can slam dunk the d*** in you; he's coming over to talk, chill, and better get to know you. Women can be used for more things than their vagina. Just because he’s not trying to throw the pipe in every time he sees you doesn't mean he’s not using you...manipulation is a b**** huh? Don't worry, we're almost done.
You know how much it hurts Stevie J and guys like him to not be able to be with someone they love dearly, especially the mother of the child? Dudes are sensitive, contrary to popular belief. A lot of you reading this are probably thinking its bs but it's the truth, we get hurt, we push people away, we put up walls, and communicate from behind that wall hoping you understand. Girls don’t seem to understand when a man is in a fragile state because we try and hide it. We’ll still go out, laugh, joke, and watch sports like we’re normal. But internally we’re still thinking about how ohwhatshername told us "I don't love you anymore," and is f***in some other dude, in another state. That's a pain that's very real for men...and was once real for me not too long ago. You think his homeboy is gonna allow him to cry on his shoulder? Nope! He's gonna say, "it's ok man...Tisha & Kia wanna meet up tonight, try and f*** Kia." We f*** Kia and she now becomes the "supporting actress" because our hearts won't allow us to give her such a BIG role in our lives. Somewhere down the line we'll heal, but for now, it's all about getting over that old one, and getting under a new one. No matter how much she held you down, the chances of her becoming your main...slim to none, ironic, I know.
Ladies, ladies, LADIES...don't (hand clap) play (hand clap) a (hand clap) role (hand clap) that (hand clap) you (hand clap) know (hand clap) you're (hand clap) not (hand clap) in a position to play (hand clap, hand clap)
Many of you watch Love & Hip Hop and say, "oh that could never be me, I could never be Mimi or Joseline," and end up in situations just like them. You think just because your vagina is good, it'll keep him at home? Nope! You think because you can cook, it'll keep him under you? Nope! If I'm your man and I want you to be my GF, I'm gonna give you every damn indication that you're my woman, period, point, blank! We can go out on dates, have sex, talk about a future, meet each others families...I can dress up in leather pants, some Gucci shades, a Gucci polo, and a Rolex, but that don't make me Kevin damn Hart now does it? Y'all let the lil things get to you and make it to where, in YOUR head, you're a couple but in reality, that isn't the case. You're a ladder, that leading lady is at the top, get it? Got it? Good. Y'all stay in these position, praying for brighter days and then outta nowhere, get blindsided. Don't be a Mimi, don't be a Joseline, be you! Never allow a man to dictate your worth FOR YOU, only you should be doing that. F***in around w/ dudes like Stevie J...and you'll forever be on that bus...but what do I know, right?
Feedback and questions and concerns and suggestions are always welcomed btw!
@renaissance_brotha_
