*cracks neck*
I know what you're thinking, "what does B.A.D. mean!?"
Well, B.A.D. = bitch ass dude(s)
That's right: B**** ASS DUDES!
Now if you already knew that, kudos to you and if you didn't, you just learned something new; and learning is only HALF the battle...
but oh how I wish I could say that about some of you dudes out there!
In 2013, some of you dudes STILL ain't winning, but you want us to believe that you are? Get ALLLL the way the f*** outta here with that; ain't nobody got time fa dat! I've lost respect for you dudes, why? Because you've become just like the women you often talk about, (re)tweet about, slander on FB, and make sub post about on Instagram. Gossiping and spreading rumors?!?! That's what females do! S*** like that is never cool! I Hope this entire blog gets texted/emailed/retweeted/reposted to you!
(peep how I just flowed there)
But I digress,
But on a serious note, it's gotten to the point where women have come to me and begged me to write a blog on the fact that: at times, their man makes them feel like they're in a "same sex" relationship/marriage. The behavior a lot of you "so called men" display has gotten to a point where women are saying, "enough is enough already...MAN UP!" This goes for Blacks, Asians, Latinos, Middle Eastern, Whites, Jews, Christians, Catholics, Muslims, Atheist, fat, skinny, tall, short, old, young, middle aged, educated, stupid, from the dude with a career, to the dude who sells weed and works at Rite Aid: ALL OF YOU NEED TO STEP IT THE F*** UP! If it sounds like I'm being too critical, good. If it sounds like I'm judging, good, glad we're on the same page. A lot of you dudes don't know better, so you can't do better, because you haven't learned better, because no one has taken the time to properly SHOW you just what better IS! I don't speak for all men, let's get that clear. I'm not speaking up for all the women of the world, let's make that clear as well. This comes from a place of self realization and what I've realized as I've gotten older: I ain't shit and we NEED to do better...so peep the piece I'm presenting.
*class is in session*
I don't blog to bash, I blog to help and offer a different perspective from a man who has been thru some s*** in his life. What we as men need to know and thoroughly realize, is that as we get older, we need to DO better. The ways of when we we're younger, shouldn't be continued in our mid 20s and older. One of the things I love about my circle of male friends is that, we hold each other accountable for our words and actions. What that means is: if someone is f***in up in the group, you better believe it'll be brought to your attention. Nobody is going to make a subliminal diss song, no talking behind each other's back, no silent treatment, none of that; straight up and down man to man convo. In blackand white: if you have an issue, you bring it to THAT person; not his mama, sister, brother, uncle, GF (BF if he swings that way), aunt, grandmama, Twitter. Instagram, FB, his dentist, doctor...you get the point. Now that same mindset, this should be applied to friendships that transition into relationships and relationships that transition into marriages between male & females but...that'll be discussed in my book coming out next year.
Fellas...stop the gossiping, pillow talking, dry snitching, cockblockin, subliminal messages:
It's gotten to the point where men call other men up or text or whatever and have full blown discussions about what OTHER men are doing: WTF!? Unless you on some, "we bout to move out on these n****s," type sh*t, talking about another man should never and I mean never be discussed in such a hateful/disrespect manner (unless y'all got beef). Another bad habit some of you dudes got, is that you suffer from "faucet mouth":
"Nah, the f*** wit him, he no good for you! You still f***in with J from your job? You know he f***in Michelle right?"
or
"Yea, I know Robbie: he the dude who got the baby mother who live in New Jersey, that he f*** every other week when he not f***in you. He corny! How you drop outta school and start credit card scamming?! Oh...you ain't know that? Yea, he lame."
...once your mouth gets turned on, you keep goin and goin and goin and goin. That's dry snitchin and where I'm from, dry snitchin isn't something grown men take lightly. After sex, don't lay around and talk her head off about why she shouldn't give another dude a chance you don't even know ESPECIALLY when she put up with your wack sex ass; get some juice, stretch, and prepare for round 2! Also, stop with the cockblockin! If you can't get p**** in a Earth this big, you worthless kid, and you don't deserve to live (joking, but not really).
Fellas...know when to displace your feelings and emotions:
Instagram, Twitter, FB are NOT your damn diaries! Being too sensitive is a sign of weakness. I'm not saying you can't express how you feel, but there's a time and a place for all of that and on social networks...it's not the place nor the time (in my opinion). You think women are looking at what you post like, "awww, he's so sweet, bendito"? No! They're looking at you like, "if this dude don't man up with his b**** ass!" No woman wants to be with a man who is more feminine than she is, period point blank. You get on Instagram and post some sh*t about how "all women aint sh*t but hoes," nahhh cat daddy, all YOUR women ain't sh*t but hoes! What you don't see by doing that is- women who begin to come to the conclusion like, "damn, why he so sensitive? All because I didn't answer his comment back or give him my number?" That right there, is something that's discussed every & any where, with all her friends, and if you think she's not screenshottin ya sh*t and talking about it with her homegirls...hahaha, wooo!
Fellas...stop with hate:
Listen and listen good: there's a difference between being hated on and being disliked. Being hated on...well, if you're familiar with the movie Belly, the part where Nas & DMX are riding thru the neighborhood and ol' boy is eating a banana and says, "Might have to drop a dime on them n****s...I don't like that sh*t...I don't like that sh*t." THAT, that's hate! Being disliked is when I actually know yo monkey ass and you've done sh*t to make me wanna put you in a headlock and toss you head first in a kiddie pool filled with crabs and roaches. You will never see a dude who is educated, hate on another man, why? Because he's too focused on progressing. What you WILL see, is a dude who ain't about sh*t, because he ain't amount to shit, so, he's mad at the fact that you're successful. "He think he fly cause he got them Js on...everybody got them Js!" (but he don't got them) or "that n**** ain't ballin like Meek Mill or Fabolous tho...that's why he pushin that 03 Benz still!" (he taking the bus and train with me every damn day). How you mad at the next man for creating and taking opportunities to better himself tho? And speaking of bettering...
Fellas...stop with the "crab in the bucket" sh*t:
Now if you're unfamiliar with what that means, allow me to explain: if you put some crabs in a bucket, you never have to worry about any escaping because if one looks like he's going to climb out...the others will grab its leg and pull his lil ambitious ass back in! I personally hate the fact that as a man, another man can't be successful without another man trying to pull that man down in some form or fashion. This applies for any race, color, creed, and religion too. I'm not saying you have to be "happy go lucky" for the next man, but there's already added outside pressure on him from other races and women on TOP of the hate you dishin out!
"So if I hang with dudes who ain't about nothin, I ain't nothin too?" - student in the back, far left
In a sense, yes. If you surround yourself with individuals who aren't about progression, you will succumb to that, guaranteed! Dudes have this bad habit of hatin on their own friends instead of celebrating their success and get mad when that friend begins to move away from him. All hate is: someone who admires whatever is that you do (what you're about) and can't duplicate that for themselves. There's this song by Common - "Black, Maybe" listen to it.
Fellas...stop purposely fucking up in relationships:
I will admit: I am part to blame for why I am not in a relationship today. It takes a man to admit his wrong doings and own up to them and seek forgiveness...but straight up and down: you're a bitch if you sabotage your relationship and then put all the blame on your woman like you ain't have a hand in why ya'll ended. You can't expect her to stay faithful, if you're cheating. You can't expect her to stay quite, when all you do is yell. You can't expect her to stay, if you're verbally and/or physically abusive. I was raised without a mother, so at times, I say my pops do some wrong shit and guess what? I grew up to do the same sh*t! We learn from our father's actions and words or the lack thereof. We learn indirectly or directly on how a woman is suppose to be treated. Yes, a woman can raise a man but...it takes a man to show a boy HOW a man is suppose to conduct himself. If you as a man get into a relationship and you know you're gonna want more than one chick to sleep with, stay single. If you know you're not ready to commit, let her know that, don't string her along. The problem isn't that she's crazy (although some of y'all are)...it's us as men doing sh*t to drive her crazy and get mad when she flips the f*** out! All women aren't the same; Cynthia isn't a loud mouth and a bitter b**** like Brandy is and Brandy isn't insecure and heartless, like Cynthia. The more you hurt her, the more conditioned she becomes in believing that men ain't s*** and that Shakira looks more and more attractive each day. You might not wanna hear this fellas but: how you gon look your daughter in the eyes when lil Leo hurt her heart the same way you did her mother... something to consider. Relationships can not and will never be able to stand the test of times, if the foundation is built on lies. I know gettin sex is cool and all but at what point do we look in ourselves and say, "you know what, I think I wanna settle down with Brandy, and build with her!"?
Fellas...we need to do B-E-T-T-E-R!
Dr. MLK Jr. had a dream...y'all dumb-d***heads turned it into a damn nightmare! I'm saying this to challenge you to do better, hell, to want better! F***in them same girls/women/bitches who ain't about sh*t will grow tired and then what? "Ima go stay with moms and stack money?!" Nahhh, because moms enjoys walking around the house, ass naked, watching Golden Girls, while ya pops massages her down in lotion...or, my lil ass will be over there watching bootleg movies, eating up all the chips n' dip! The reality is that as we get older, women look to younger dudes who have promise and potential, not dudes around her age who still lookin to have sex with her and her best friend or who haven't figured out what it is that they want to make of themselves. I'm 26, and I've figured out that at the end of the day, when it's all said and done; ima want someone to watch Golden Girls with and eat apple pie. The problem with us men is that there isn't enough male accountability. Holding each other accountable for our actions, needs to happen more. I'm not saying tattle-tale on your homie, I'm saying bring the man to the side or have an intervention with him because what you don't want is
...your homie eating all your food, drinkin up all the juice, not flushing the toilet, leaving dishes in yo sink, asking you for money, while living on your couch.
Education is key fellas and not just book knowledge: knowledge of self. Be the kind of man that you would want your daughter to date and marry. Blame Kendrick Lamar for this! This was long overdue fellas and real sh*t, I'm here as a man telling...there's more to life than Jordans, side chicks, drugs, and all that crazy stuff. I still have ways to go but, at least I'm on the road...are you? Let's build our kingdoms and become KINGS...leave that peasant life alone.
@renaissance_brotha_
I am a man that is flawed. I speak, from experience. Life, has taught me a great deal. I will never profess to be a man that knows all, just a man who has been thru a lot and has learned a lot more from life and its experiences. This blog is a reflection of growth and maturity as a MAN; not that of a man who "thinks he knows everything."
*class is in session*
There are many reasons as to why relationships end:
•cheating•lying•stability•trust
among other things. LionCheetah simply means: lying-cheater - two of the biggest reasons why WOMEN, decide to throw in the towel. The following explains other reasons why women leave men.
babe...babe...BABE!!!
What I've Learned...is that women CRAVE attention, especially from their man! They love it when you notice things that they've done, for example: change in hairstyle, eyebrows touched up, fresh mani/pedi, cleaning, the time & effort she took to cook something YOU like, when that's NOT her expertise, and so on and so forth. Many times we overlook these things, but the more YOU overlook them, the MORE she'll be looking to someone else who will notice. Sometimes, she just wants you to listen to her talk and maybe input here and there; communication is key! She notices the lack of communication, you better believe she'll communicate to someone who isn't so lackluster and actually gives a damn. If you don't want to continuously give her the wrong impression, you better give her that love & affection or live with the fact that another man will.
"I'm feeling really un-ap-preci-aaated"
What I've Learned...is that you should never and I mean NEVER take the one you love for granted nor should you make her feel unappreciated by YOUR actions and words! If you have a woman who is willing to do for you before she even considers herself; she's a keeper! I've said this in other blogs but I feel like this needs to be said on a continuing basis: it's the lil things that matter the most! What you don't see: is all the stuff she does for you while IN the relationship. What you do see (after the two of you are broken up): is all the stuff she DID for you, while IN the relationship. Don't wait till it's too late to recognize/realize what she does for you. What Drake say, "Better late than never, but never late is better,"...and I know how you dudes LOVE quoting rap lyrics; so take heed to that. Learn to love the one you're with or live to learn from the one you had.
"Why you gotta lie to me?":
What I've Learned...is that back in the day, Toni Braxton
was right as a motherf
**** ! Lying will get you nowhere fast but with a bottle of lotion, tissues for your "issues", and old scenes of porn stars f***ing
the life outta each other for hours. Let me be the first to tell you: a relationship can't stand the test of time if the foundation is built on lies. If she can't trust your word as her man...what kinda man are you? Fellas: without trust, you don't have much of a relationship. When you think about why most friendships fall apart among men, you look at that fact that men value honesty MOST among each other. Now, when you think about relationships and why they fall apart between men and women: it's because someone isn't being honest (I won't gender specify). Honesty is the anchor in a relation-SHIP, and if we as men can't be TRUSTED to be HONEST with the woman in our lives...we shouldn't expect her to stick around.
"I should have cheeeeaaa-ted"
What I've Learned...is that Keyshia
Cole had women wanting to cheat like a motherf
****! Cheating tends to happen for many reasons and one of the main reasons WHY it happens...is because something isn't right (goes wrong) in the relationship. And what do we as men tend to do? Find something that IS right, in between the legs of the WRONG person! Once again: this is where communication comes into play and why it's soooo very important to communicate with your partner. When your woman finds out about your indiscretions, the bridge you've built to get to her, becomes damaged. That same bridge that was ever-so pretty to cross, is fragile to the touch. All the "sorrys
" won't work and all the candy/flowers can't help. If you have a problem, LET IT BE KNOWN!
Emotional Rollercoaster:
What I've Learned...is that an emotional disconnect in the relationship happens more times than we even know it. We as men tend to deal with emotions different, from that of a woman:
•smoke/drink
•play video games•hit the strip club•drive around and listen to music•punch a wall•hit the gym
We are taught as men that we shouldn't cry when something is the matter; women are taught differently. I'm not saying you should cry when she doesn't want to give you the ass when you want it, I'm saying don't run ya silly ass out and cheat because she won't give you the ass! Support, support, SUPPORT! She needs to feel needed, loved, and have that emotional connection with you so that she can feel safe and secure and more importantly, comfortable enough to share. If you can't be the one she leans on...she (hand clap) will (hand clap) find (hand clap) companionship (hand clap) elsewhere, plain and simple.
"Sex ain't better than looveee..."
What I've Learned...is that love conquers a lot (not all, contrary to popular belief). Sex is cool, don't get me wrong, but it isn't everything. Sometimes, she doesn't want you to come over (vice versa) and have you hump away at her. Sometimes, she just wants to cuddle...and then maybe you hump away at her. Seriously, there's this word that many men are unfamiliar with and it's called *intimacy*. Sometimes, you'll have to make love to mind and not her body. Sometimes, you'll have to make her soul feel like everything before you never mattered because you're the only she wants NOW! Take it from me: the more she grows unsatisfied with your lack of intimacy, the less...well, you get the picture.
Gri-ming (grind + timing):What I've Learned...is that women love when you make time for them and respect you even more when you're on your grind (one who is driven; ambitious). We spend all this time trying to get her to see us for who we are and what we're about and after we get her...we tend to fall off. We put "hanging out with the boys," over "dinner for two" and that right there, is a no no. I'm not saying neglect your friends altogether, but know there's a time to chill with them and a time to chill with her and the prior should never come before the latter. Spending time is important because you continue to build upon the foundation you've created. What happens in relationships is that, we as men work our asses off to get the woman we want and then we slack. We don't maintain our appearance (women are guilty of this too), we don't go out as often (guilty myself), and we tend to allow her to pick up the slack (guilty myself). Now on the other hand, you know how sexy drive is to a woman! My friend once told me, "if I didn't have a BF, I would be with you because you're always pushing yourself to do better...unlike this lazy mother(SHUTYOMOUTH)!" One of the main reasons Michelle stayed with Barack was because she saw the potential in him. If we as men are ambitious about buying materialistic things, we should be even MORE driven to further our education and/or progress in our career goals. She'll love you for your ambition...or leave you for you lack of.
You ain't s*** with me and you ain't gon be s*** without me:What I've Learned...is that verbal and physical abuse is never the answer. I've never put my hands on a woman but verbally...I've been a monster!!! It's not something I'm proud of but when you're angry, those very words that you suppress, become your weapons of mass destruction! Any man that puts his hands on a woman, is a coward. Any man that talks, before he thinks, is a man who hasn't learned that the tongue is as mighty as a sword. No woman should put up with any kinda abuse, period but know this ladies: what you will allow, will continue.
Communication is key! I will continue to say that in every relationship piece I post because it is valuable and critical! If you as a woman are stuck between a rock and a hard place; talk things out. If he's not with the talking, the relationship isn't for you. The point I'm trying to make is that you should do everything on YOUR end to make sure the relationship is working and if that isn't happening, after some time...maybe with him, is not where you want to be. If he ain't gon love you, the way he should, let him gooooo.
@renaissance_brotha_
Names have been changed, but the story remains the same.
Nick: "But deadass Ant...this b**** can't ride d*** for the life of her!!!"
Me: "Bro...tell her how you want it to be done!"Nick: "If only it were that EASY bro, it's not. We went for a bike ride the other day and this b**** was like Meek Mill & his boys on a damn CitiBike...a CITIBIKE!"Me: "Wait, you went, YA'LL went for a bike ride? (insert hard laughing)"Nick: "You mad cause you ain't got no b**** to ride WITH! But deadass boy, she can't ride d***, what should I do?? I know you be writing blogs for these b****es, write one for me fam!"
So I Have This Friend...whose girl can't ride d***!
First and foremost...
DID YOU MISS MEEE!?!?
No? Oh...ok, I digress, but before I start:
Warning: If you are a friend and/or a family member and you MIGHT feel a tad bit uncomfortable with reading/hearing me talking about sex; this blog ain't fo yo ass.
#TURNUP
A lot of you women are out here throwing dirt on guys who can't seem to get it together in the bedroom and for that...may the Lord take vengeance upon thee! Are (some) men garbage in bed? Yes, yes SOME are, but there's a whole lot of them who are NOT (and this blog ain't for them). My boy isn't the only man to feel this way, hell, I've had a few ladies who couldn't ride a d*** but could "drop down and get their eagle on" and hit the electric slide at the drop of a dime! Some of you chicks be like, "Babe, I can't ride, can we just do doggy?" No, not now. Or, "Babe, I've never really...I mean, I don't normally do this (while climbing on top)," well, I've never been to Six Flags, but you gon ride this roller coaster! I know you're laughing while reading this, but how some of y'all claiming to be #BedroomBullies...and can't ride a d***?! That s*** puzzles me! So, here at #ABetterBreedOfMan, I wanna help you ladies get in touch with your...inner, freak if you will. I present to you: how to ride the D SO good, yo mama's mama...would be proud!
Yo Nick, you owe me bro because I'm sure your girl will be reading this!
*class is in session*
Some of you beautiful, intelligent, sexy women are reading this and can identify with the topic: you can't ride d*** well! And that's cool, dot worry boo, I got yoouuu! If you have a man, don't be afraid to practice on him, that's what he's there for; what is he gonna say, no? No man will turn down p****! "I ain't afraid of no man or no d***!" yea yea, I know: that's why you can't ride d***? What's that old saying, "practice makes perfect"? Well, you better lay his ass down, and climb on top, and ride him like a Low-Ridah out in Cali! Something to always keep in mind (and this is with anything): you can’t get better at something if you’re scared to fail. When you tell someone you haven’t done something before, that statement should then be accompanied by you trying. You don’t say you haven’t done something and continue not to do it; without trying you’ll never learn. I'm not suggesting ANY one of you ladies go out here, and have sex with just ol' any guy, just so you can practice...that sh*t ain't cool nor is it attractive. Now Nick, if Amanda comes to you and says, "let's f***! I know you like me being on top so I want to trying something new", strip down to your socks and enjoy the ride my brotha!
Secondly ladies
In order to feel comfortable pleasing your man, you have to be able to please yourself first and him, SECOND! It's just like in life: in order to be selfless, you have to be a lil selfish; so selfishly pleasure yourself with toys me or fingers all you want! There's not a dude out here that won't appreciate you jumping on top and riding him like that mechanical bull at your local bar. If you want to get your nut off and not worry about Minute-Man Mark, go for it. Ladies, in plain English: I want you to do all the nasty sh*t you do in your alone time, when no one is watching, to your man! Make it so nasty, you'll have to pray EXTRA, in church on Sunday (y'all don't hear me tho)! It's not the Mark and Laura show, oh no, it's the Laura Show, co-starring Mark...and his d***. However once you get to that point, learn what pleases him. Who knows you might actually like what he likes and can start killing two birds(freaks) with one stone(move). Dudes like Nick, complain about women that get on top only to please themselves and that’s just selfish; if you want to be a skilled rider you have to learn how to do both. Don't trip tho, I got some techniques that'll have you riding like Ciara (pun all the way intended).
baby grind on meeee! (Pretty Ricky voice)
Remember them guys? Well, if you don't, YouTube them but if you do, ladies: I want you to grind like you're at a high school party! There's not a woman reading this who doesn't enjoy grinding her warm, wet, tight, (meow), and rubbing her clit at the same time until they achieve orgasm. Work them hips, lose some of those calories, and dig your fingers into his chest...not too rough tho! Most guys aren't cumming from grinding, but from friction, there's a difference. Men need to be stroked to achieve orgasm, which grinding can limit.
b-b-b-bounce that p**** and shake dat ass
You know what turns a man on with the quickness, other than you dropping to your knees and putting his d*** in your mouth: watching and feeling you bounce on top of him. The woman who can push a man on his back, climb on top, and f*** him till he has no more energy in his tank...is a keeper! Women that bounce on the d*** usually know exactly what they’re doing and they ride with purpose. You're not worried about the fact that you just got your hair done, noooo. You're not worried about the fact that, you have work in a couple hours, noooo. You're worried about pleasing yourself, because he will be led to believe, you're really doing it for him; which sometimes is never the case (I be knowin ladies). That bounce action is cool for the dudes who enjoy having the breast in their face (like me) or who enjoy watching the ass go up...and down...and up...and down in the Reverse Cowgirl position AND who enjoy smackin that ass while you're at it (I be knowin ladies).
...you got the juice now (insert your name here ladies
I know what you're thinking: what the hell is this fool talking about now! Well, it doesn't mean "juicing" like combining fruits and veggies and sh*t; it simply means to pull and squeeze at the same damn time! Some of y'all (women) don’t know about juicing, but just think about grinding for a second. Grinding is the rubbing of two surfaces to cause friction. However, juicing is when you squeeze AND pull away from him to cause the friction. It’s basically like you’re trying to squeeze and ring him out (kinda like a wash cloth). I want you to squeeze his d*** with your vagina and just look him in the face while you're doing it; I guarantee you he will speed up his pumping, which will make him cum like that! The best position to do this in, is in Reverse Cowgirl...
and speaking OF Reverse Cowgril...
Men like when you ride it...facing the other way! When you climb on top, ride it for a lil bit facing him and then, turn around and: MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THE D*** INSIDE OF YOU (I can't stress that enough)! Place his hands around your waist, and continue with what you were doing. You can lick your nipples if you want, massage your clit while he slaps your ass, hell, you can even fantasize about someone else. It’s just better suited for two people to please one another, yet have the privacy they want while having sex as weird as that may sound.
One time, a friend of mine said, "when I get on top, he does whatever we wants, it's like, I don't have no control of the situation." My answer to that: f*ck him back. Put his hands inside of yours, pin them down, and f*** him until he cums, that simple. A lot of women are quick to say men are intimidated by them but become intimidated by men, in the bedroom: the irony. Here's something you can try: to make you feel a lil more at ease, make him put his hands behind his head, tell him to keep put, and go to work...men like taking orders n' s***.
Lastly,
I spoke about this in the paragraph before last but once again (because it's really that important): don't let the d*** slip out! Now before you start going off and dismiss miss this piece of info, consider this:
size matters! I don't care what any one of you have to say, size matters. Now, with that being said (Kevin Hart voice), it's up you take a peek at the pole he's packing and make sure it doesn't come out! If you have control and I mean COMPLETE control over your body/abilities...the d*** can never and I mean never come out, period-point-blank.
Nick, make her feel comfortable at all times; sex isn't just about catching a nut or two and rolling over and knocking out, it's way deeper than that, it's brackets to this s***. There's levels to this sh*t, and while that may be a line from Meek Mill, it's true in every sense! If you want to give some advice, simply just express how you feel when the two of you are most comfortable and laugh n' sh*t like that, this way, it comes across a lot better.
If you need anything else, holla at me!
Ladies: have you ever felt embarrassed when you got on top? Did you get better? What advice could you offer other women about riding better? Did this post miss anything?
@renaissance_brotha_
