Me: *side-eye*
Her: "Why you look at me like that? You think I'm crazy? I won't get offended if you do...do you?"
Me: "Anybody that laughs after they say they're NO..."
Her: *shakes head* "But you don't even know me like that! This is our first date!"
Me: "You didn't even let me finish tho!"
Her: "You didn't have to! Don't worry, because you won't be gettin no more text from me you bastard! The sex would've been great too...guess you'll never know huh."
*gets up and walks out*
Me: "But I only asked if you wanted a bottle of wine!"
When I tell you I literally asked, "would you like a bottle of wine?" and she literally went left field...heavens!
*class is in session*
I like women. I like women on dates, I like them in a library. I like them at the grocery store, I like them in a church praising the lord. I like dating. I like the fact that you get an opportunity to enjoy the company of a nice woman, indulge in stimulating conversation, but more importantly, you get to eat (I love eating)! What I don't like is:
- bad service
- late arrivals
- cold food
- women who know they're crazy but hide that sh*t very well via FaceTime, text, and phone calls.
I despise crazy women like New York Knicks fans despise LeBron James and the Miami Heat! When I say crazy, I mean: show up to your job, with her homegirl and her crying ass baby in the back, after not receiving a text from you in 4 1/2 hours because I'm ACTUALLY doing work, and been too busy to respond, "ok," to some sh*t that is completely irrelevant...ready to stab me up.
DON'T IGNORE JESUS! You block CRAZY women on your phone, not the blessings of the lord!
So fellas, here's some sh*t you might wanna keep in mind when you decide your next partner...
good lookin + own job/car/crib x sketchy personality = single:
Im not saying that (all) good lookin' women are the crazy...ok, yes I am! Halle Berry: crazy. (RIP) Left Eye: was crazy! Angela Bassett in Waiting To Exhale: I mean, sure, her husband left her for some snow bunny , but you SEEN what she did to that car? Crazy! Lorena Bobbitt: cut her husband's penis off starting at the baaasee! Fellas: she might be thicka than a bible with a face like a young Halle, but if you notice she laughs in the middle of an argument after yelling for a combined total of 33-damn minutes or hits you up over and over and over whenever you stop talking for an hour or so; don't ignore that! She's the one that will post some subliminal sh*t on one of these social networks about you, not even knowing you were sleep the whole time or show up to your house on some, "so who is she?". Once you've gotten the chance to get to know her and you notice she might look better in a straight jacket-chuck, chuck up the deuces!
crazy women have the best p****:
They sure do and on top of all that, a good amount are as single as a counterfeit bill, in a stripper's ass at your local strip club. She might have you show up to church with a condom on JUST so y'all can f*ck after service because her sh*t is that good; she'll also bust the windows out ya car quicker than Jazmine Sullivan the moment you don't throw the d*ck her way or the moment she thinks you're cheating. I know what you're thinking, "why would I stop messing with her, if her sex is great?". Because you like living right? Ok, good. That show Snapped is very real! We as dudes have to stop continuing these sexual activities with women who we perceive as crazy...and then get mad when we find our car on four flats, after telling her, "I don't see this going anywhere outside of the sex.". Before you even think about f***in, simply ask her, "you crazy or nah?".
"WHO YOU TALKIN TO LIKE THAT ANTHONY!?!
(insert laugh)
YOU THINK THIS SHIT IS A GAME? I GOT YOU!":
Any grown ass women who laughs in the middle of an argument, to me, is certified crazy! Why are you laughing? Did I fart? Women usually go from sane to crazy in the blink of an eye:
- "I told you to stop talking to her, didn't I?! So that means, yo ass don't respect me nor this relationship/marriage huh."
- gets closer to you, still talking in the same tone, just a little more aggression.
- *starts to put her index finger in your face, touching your forehead and/or nose*
- "I (claps hands) DON'T (claps hands) CARE (claps hands) IF (claps hands) Y'ALL (claps hands) DID (claps hands) BOOK (claps hands) REPORTS (claps hands) TOGETHER! YOU (claps hands) DON'T (claps hands) TALK (claps hands) TO HER (claps hands) (claps hands)!".
- (insert weird ass laugh)
- *clams down*
- Lastly, wild ass threat or ultimatum.
"...so who is she?":
Females have a tendency to be catty for no damn reason or for childish ones, take your pick. The only females she likes are her "ride or dies", "day 1s", besties, family members, and her nail/hair salon lady...and half the time, she don't even like them b****es! A woman will question you about the server at Denny's if you stare too long,
waitress: "Ok, so I'll be right back with your drinks and I'll go put that order in."
you: "Thank you."
her: "Oh, so you know her or something? I mean, tuuh, the way you was lookin her up and down, what, she was, serving you the p**** too?!"
Sometimes guys can go a lil' overboard with checking a female out but the ones who don't, will STILL be subjected to an integration. Every time she comes to you or sends you a screenshot about some chick that likes your pics and always leaves comments, it's like that baby that always cries during Sunday service and the mother who does sh*t about it; it's annoying! Men don't know everybody who they follow and respond to ladies! Should I question your non-celebrity #ManCrush every Monday on Instagram? Didn't think so.
kinda-sorta-maybe-ex boyfriend:
If she gives you some reason for still entertaining one of her ex BF's and they DON'T have a child together but she calls him all types of bad names, she's either: still f***'in him, has hope for the two of them in a future, or she's tryna make you jealous. Yes, you can still be friends with your ex. I mean, I would hope you guys started out as friends and then made that transition into a relationship but there's no room for her to still be entertaining him, while she's tryna build with you. How it reads is: yeah, I like you but I still kinda like my ex who drove me to you. Bit**, you wanna be petty, take yo petty ass back to him n'shit.
shaves her head bald:
Cassie looks amazing with the half shaved head and half long hair...or maybe it's because I like half&half drinks; who knows. What I do know is that a woman who decides to shave her damn head bald better be in her 40s going natural because if you're 20 something, either:
A) some dude did something to her which lead her to doing that (e.g. Brittney Spears)
B) she's f***ed up mentally (e.g. Amanda Bynes)
C) she got gum stuck deep within her hair
D) she's about to study and become a monk.
Yes, it might look sexy on Cassie or if you're a model but come on, shaving your head is a cry for help! Amanda Bynes went from "thatsss me!" to piercing her dimples like a stripper by the name of Black Chyna, lusting for Drake, and shaving half her damn head, looking like a powdered damn Dunkin' Donuts munchkin! Stay clear homies.
"that's why your mother is dead bitch!":
I remember hearing this come outta my brother's baby mama's mouth around the time my sister was prego and all I remember is my sister about to hop out the car and whip her ass. This all happened because we wanted to take my nephew to Chuck-e-Cheese. If a woman can fix her lips to say some crazy personal sh*t against you...clearly she needs Jesus, a shot of Jack, and a shot to the head!
Ok, I'm joking on that last one
But that's not the type of woman that you need in your life. I will say this: if she can demean you in a manner that is suppose to be sacred between the two of you, then that says a lot about the person than what was said.
more importantly fellas...
stay clear:
I don't care if you have to change your name on all social networks, move, change your numbers/email, all of that; if the sh*t gotta be done, the sh*t gotta be done! Take yo ass to church, read your bible, build a stronger connection with Jesus if you have to. Continuing to deal with someone who is crazy all because you think it will pan itself out after the 58th argument is illogical. You either cut her loose or find yourself at some bar, buying drinks, gettin drunk, and coming back to your place on fire all because you ain't answer that "I'm talkin to you, I don't like to be ignored, you wouldn't like me when I'm ignored," text.
Now I know a lot you ladies are gonna respond with, "well, don't blame us for being crazy! Men do all this sh*t to us and then wanna say we're crazy like they aren't the reason why! Maybe the men need to look at themselves!". Yes, it's not a one party blame but if Chris Brown said his reason for allegedly beating on Rhi Rhi was because she drove him crazy, so his only defense was to practice his karate moves on her...how incredibly stupid would that sound!!! "Y'all mad at me but she provoked me to beat her up. She needs to check herself and hat forehead...make sure y'all check out my new album too coming out." (Chris Brown voice). Last time I checked, people are in total control of their own actions and using a copout excuse like, "he made me this way," is idiotic and senseless, so, to you ladies, I say; save ya sh*t for the bathroom toilet. Men shouldn't further deal with a woman who is notably bat sh*t crazy and try to justify her actions as being rationale just to get the sex. If she's crazy...
Let her be crazy and alone somewhere far, far away where Shrek and Donkey saved Princess Fiona from that dragon.
@renaissance_brotha_
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