Back-SEAT, Windows UP pt. 2

*class is in session*

"I'll take the lobster mac n cheese to go and...the head for dessert":

...because there's something sexy about watching a woman eat certain types foods or maybe that's just the freak in me. You ever been out on a date and all to can think about is, "damn...what if I cleared this table RIGHT now and gave her the b

usiness?" or "damn...what if i dropped my fork RIGHT now and went under the table and gave that d*** the business?"

Ok, so maybe you never thought to do that but I'm almost certain the thought to, I don't know...sneak off to the bathroom for a quickie has crossed your mind maybe once or twice? Something like this can only truly be done when on a double date or with just a lot more people than the two of you. It's summer, weather is good, you put on a dress and lets say you decide to not wear panties; you're already ahead of the game! Fellas, slide off to the bathroom, text her, "coast is clear, come get the part of the tip the waitress can't!"

And if you're gonna skip out on the check...have sex before, not after.

tombstone lovin:
The following might be a lil disrespectful and all I'll say is I apologize but...

If you're horny, crazy, and adventurous like myself...you will sneak away to a cemetery and have sex around a bunch of dead folks. Don't hit me with the, "omg, you are insane...I would never..." because a lot of you who've had sex, done sucked and f***ed in some places the law wouldn't allow or Jesus probably raised his eyebrow to! They're dead, you ain't, so, live ya life (ay ay ay)/don't concentrate on the tombstones, just squeeze'em tight.

Ok, so I'm corny and slightly joking but if you want a real rush: hit the cemetery for your next orgasm.

goalpost d*** down:
In every town there's a high school that has a football field or just a big ass field with grass, that is usually used to play some sport on, which could also be used to have sex on! In high school (or college), many of us had some form of sex behind a stairway, old classroom, library, locker room, I mean, that list goes on, but not many have had the pleasure of getting some ass...ON...the grass! Throw caution to the wind and take a trip to a local high school and just, go for it! Have sex in the middle of the field, have sex against the goalpost, have sex in the stands, why don't ya! Sex will always be fun in places that were off limits as a teen and the field is one of them.

"I'm sorry ladies and gentleman, I don't mean to bother ya'll...":

If you're from New York...you've heard that before on a train...

If you're from New York or maybe you've been here to visit, then you know of our hectic ass subway system. Here, we have plenty of trains that can take you were you wanna go, that run at all hours of the morning and night. If you are looking for a good rush for the summer; train sex is a great adventure! Always go for a cart that is either in the front or all the way in the back. Never and I mean never not keep your eyes peeled open for homeless folks, crazy ass teenagers, folks who are either coming from work or going to work or going home or coming from home, and more importantly, the cops! This would be the time for a quickie or hell, even a lil oral action! Hold on to that pole ladies as he subway surfs inside of you! Hold your lady up fellas, as she dangles from the bar like she's Mimi...but better looking! If all of this doesn't interest you...just let her ride, as you ride...save the missionary for...

"after hours project" - Dr. Evil voice:
THE COPY MACHINE!

See what I did there? I digress...

Work place sex is always good because if you have that one co worker that you hate, you can always have sex right there on their desk and let them sit in your ass juices the next morning. Boss says you need to finish up on a project? Great! Work on the project, while she works on that d*** under your desk! Boss gives you the green light to catch up on some work because you were on vacation last week? Awesome! Give her head on the copy machine and make her call you by your last name as you stroke her in the kitchen area! The supply closet, the utility closet, the janitor's closet, hell, your boss (or company) doesn't have cameras all over the place...have sex in the boss office! Could you imagine being deep inside of her and your boss comes off the elevator and she's screaming your name...bruh!

"stuck" in the elevator:
You're on vacation...elevator sex on the last night! Forgetabout the cameras that will be watching; give'em a show! You go down on him...he goes down on you..foot on his shoulder...rubbin his face all in it...lookin down at him...back up at the camera...back down at him...bite your lip a lil...bend her over...grip her by the waist...fu** it, moan if it's good (women love that sh*t)...just make sure...you not in the p**** making love bruh. You know how sexy it is to finish up and how funny is to be walking off the elevator and someone is coming on and the whole damn thing smells like sex...bruh!

parents trap':

I'm totally for having sex in the parents bedroom, why? Because 9/10 the parents aren't doing Ray J and Kim K sh** in there to begin with! I'm putting the pillow that pops put his head on every night right under her lower back, so I can have that p**** in the air just so I can taste it better and...hit that g-spot a lil better. Ride me till you cum and do it again on the side of the bed that your mom sleeps on. Grip them sheets as I enter you from the back and slap ya ass so hard that it echoes throughout the room. As kids, we slept in our parents bed and got mad when they kicked us out but what mommy don't know, won't hurt her. F*** it, film that sh**! What do you have to lose by filming it? Not (claps hands) a (claps hands) thinggg (claps hands, claps hands)! I'm not saying do this with a dude you've just met, hell, not even your partner of 1 year, but whatever you do...make sure you make that person do some ish that they wouldn't want anybody in the world to see.

Like eating that ass like a waffle cone from Mr. Softee.

Pleaseeee, be mindful of your height and weight restriction before you consider sex in any damn place! Use condoms! I didn't mention a place like the plane because I have a phobia of heights and my ass ain't never seen a plane, let alone been on one! If you're adventurous, try hitting a fair or amusement part and have sex somewhere around there. Wherever you decide to get freaky...keep them eyes and ears open because getting caught eating pu*** in Central Park after work...never mind.

@Renaissance_Brotha_

Back-SEAT, Windows UP

It's been a lil' minute since I've written a blog about sex, so, I figured, with summer coming to an end...let's talk about sex ba-by!

I love sex...especially in different places, example:
you go out on a nice date, you guys are conversing and you start kissing, "ooo gimmie that face, let me kiss it," all that silly sh*t and now she's like, "babeee, let's get back home already I'm wet!" Why wait to get home to make her touch her toes when you can hit an alley and throw her that di** that'll have her screaming louder than Meek Mill on a track (Free Meek)! I mean, if two dogs can enjoy a nice pasta dinner in an alley...you can serve her di** harder than Papa John's crust!

The point I'm making is; be spontaneous! Spice up that relationship/marriage! Sure, the cops are out here buggin or ya'll been bored the entire summer and yada yada yada but guess what? Sex cures all! Ok, I'm joking, but, having sex in different places is a better alternative than having sex in the living room; that's for sure.

I won't bore you any longer...

*class is in session*

"nah...pull over right there":

you ever got head while driving tho? im not talkin real fast, im talkin kinda slow...

BARS *Kevin Hart voice*

Whether it be oral or just plain ol' sweaty, hot, nasty sex in the car: sex in the car is a great thing! Some might argue that it brings bad luck upon the car, but how many of ya'll done had some form of sex in the car on Tuesday and two weeks later...the brakes gave out? Exactly, NEVER!

Ladies: rub on his penis while he's driving and just start talking crazy to him,

"say I won't put all that d*** in my mouth right now while you at the light!?"

or

"pull my d*** out babe...let me kiss it"

I guarantee YOU...he will whip his penis out faster than a chick with an EBT card at the supermarket from her Gucci bag!

Fellas: ya'll on the way home from a date, forget all that, "wait till I get you in the house" ish...handle her ass in the car!

"ah, babe...pull over right there...yea, right there...don't worry, don't worry"

or
"babe...babe...look...*rubbing penis ever so gently*"

That's right fellas, you or her should park up somewhere and climb in the backseat and get right into it! Fog them windows up! Have her ride you reverse cowgirl while you grip the back of her neck and whisper some nasty stuff in her ear! Give her backshots while she's grippin the dashboard, hell, have her lay out ON the dashboard and go ahead and get you a mouthful of her...you get the point. Just make sure you watch out for people and the cops...an orgasm one minute and Miranda Rights the next," don't mix!

public places:

You want an adrenaline rush? Have sex in a public place! Nothing says, "that was a great date," or "I love you" more than sex in the park! Forget all that, "oh babe, but, the bums sleep here," bs and sit her ass down that bench and treat right! Throw her legs in the air, lick on the clit and finger her at the same damn time! Not a fan of that bench? Have sex on the grass: missionary or let her ride you. Not cool with the park idea? Cool, hit a rooftop and enjoy the summer breeze and some sex your mother would be disappointed about you having! Hit a park...and enjoy natures first ever "sex swing". If you're up for a real challenge: hang from the monkey bars and have your partner give you oral and see how long you can last...whoever last longer...cooks dinner for a week! You ever had your woman's legs rested upon your shoulders while you suck on them lips!? Bruh! Just make sure you keep an eye out for the cops..."baby I'm cummin" one minute and "FREEZE," the next, don't mix!

"marco...marco...marco...G-SPOT!":

As kids, pools were always fun for playing basketball, seeing who could swim the fastest, hosting parties/BBQs, but as an adult...it's only good for skinny dippin' and having sex! Yup, you read right: s-e-x! If you don't have a pool of your own, that's cool, hit a public pool or drive to an area that might have one, you know, one those nice neighborhoods with the big driveways and green ass grass. Throw ambition to the wind and give him head under water! Not cool with that idea because you're afraid to get your hair wet: sit his ass on the edge of the pool, while you're still emerged and pretend his penis is a microphone and you're auditioning for America's Got Deep Throaters! Maybe you're not a fan of the pool idea, ok, cool...maybe a hot tub/Jacuzzi will work better. Have him sit down on the first few steps, straddle him, place your hands on his shoulders, and you ride him! Or, you lounge back and have him enter you and stroke you till his legs give out! Just make sure you keep an eye for the cops...looking back at your ass, as it makes waves one minute and "...do you guys live here?" while the cuffs dangle the next, don't mix.

give the neighbors a show:
I'm a huge fan of balcony sex because there's something about the freedom of knowing someone might be watching and allowing your partner to moan and scream as loud as they want; ahhh! Doggystyle while over looking a great view? Priceless! Whenever you go on vacation and your hotel or wherever you stay at has a balcony, I suggest sex happens. Receiving head while that annoying ass neighbor, that always keeps their blinds open, who decides to finally look over and takes notice to what you're doing? Priceless! Screaming so loud that you wake up the neighbors or your roommates (ha...sigh)? Priceless! Ladies...put on some heels and do a lil dance for him before you throw that ass back on him! Fellas...smack her ass, grip her by the waist, grab her by the shoulders and thrust harder, pull on her hair and play with her breast! The objection of balcony sex is to enjoy the view, be as loud as you want to while you're enjoying each other...not to be on some timid sh*t!  Just make sure you keep an ear out for the cops...your neighbors will call'em quick fast, because you re the one gettin ass.

"let me suck that d*** and see how many you can get done babe": 

I'm talking...sittin her on top of the counter and taking a step back, biting your bottom lip right before you place your face between her thighs. I'm talking...you giving him sloppy top (head, oral) while he's washing dishes and seeing how many he can wash before he cums. I'm talking...ignoring that pasta sauce and riding him in the chair while that sh** bubbles over. I'm talking..."let's go out to dinner babe," one minute and, "take them panties off and climb up on that table and let get a taste..." the next. I'm talking...69'in on the floor! You ever had sex for so long the damn steak got over cooked? You ever listen to the sound of them moaning so loud, that you forget that the water has been on for over 40 minutes!? Whatever you decide to do, just make sure you clean up after...because pubic hair and a bowl of cereal, don't mix.

fitting room action:

Maybe its the risk seeker in me but there's something sexy about sneaking into a dressing room and enjoying a quickie. This isn't the time to be making love or, "oh, I just wanna enjoy it, take it easy," kinda sex...this is that, "put these panties in your mouth babe and fuck me like you hate me before we get caught!" kinda action. F*** I look like, Michael Jackson Moonwalking in the pu***...I'm tryna Bobby Shmurda Shmoney Dance these strokes, bang-bang, and then boogie back into my dressing room before that annoying ass sales associate comes to double check on me. Go for a large department store, not those corny H&M kinda places where they rush you out of the dressing room because everybody is either A) tryna steal some sh** or B) trying on some sh*t they aren't even gonna buy after walking around for the next few minutes. There's no cameras and, if you get one with a mirror?! #Winning! Just make sure you keep your eyes and ears open...cops will break that sex session up quicker than the St. Louis riots!

..too soon?

Saving Ryan's Privates:

Mannn, who gives a damn about going to the movies and seeing ol' boring ass Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles after you JUST took your lil brother; not a damn soul! Movie theater sex is always good because you can go at certain times, to see a movie that 9/10 not a soul will be watching! Mid afternoon...who in their right mind is going to see Lucy? No one! Go for the back or mid section if you get caught so you can make a quick dash to the exit or head to the top so you can a lil more privacy from that annoying ass usher who wanna decides to finally do his job. Get a big ass thing of popcorn (yes, a LARGE *he/she got moneeeey*) and make a penis hole big enough for you to, you know, give a nice lil hand job or...maybe some head, depending on how you're feeling. Try to see if you can sneak into the projection room or the steps, this way, if usher "They Don't Pay Me Enough" puts his flashlight on you or blows his whistle...you can run for it, run for it, RUN! Just make sure you keep an eye out for an usher because he will more than likely be with a cop and, well...these cops ain't f***in around outchea!

If you wanted more, don't worry...part 2 drops tomorrow!

@Renaissance_Brotha_