Back-SEAT, Windows UP

It's been a lil' minute since I've written a blog about sex, so, I figured, with summer coming to an end...let's talk about sex ba-by!

I love sex...especially in different places, example:
you go out on a nice date, you guys are conversing and you start kissing, "ooo gimmie that face, let me kiss it," all that silly sh*t and now she's like, "babeee, let's get back home already I'm wet!" Why wait to get home to make her touch her toes when you can hit an alley and throw her that di** that'll have her screaming louder than Meek Mill on a track (Free Meek)! I mean, if two dogs can enjoy a nice pasta dinner in an alley...you can serve her di** harder than Papa John's crust!

The point I'm making is; be spontaneous! Spice up that relationship/marriage! Sure, the cops are out here buggin or ya'll been bored the entire summer and yada yada yada but guess what? Sex cures all! Ok, I'm joking, but, having sex in different places is a better alternative than having sex in the living room; that's for sure.

I won't bore you any longer...

*class is in session*

"nah...pull over right there":

you ever got head while driving tho? im not talkin real fast, im talkin kinda slow...

BARS *Kevin Hart voice*

Whether it be oral or just plain ol' sweaty, hot, nasty sex in the car: sex in the car is a great thing! Some might argue that it brings bad luck upon the car, but how many of ya'll done had some form of sex in the car on Tuesday and two weeks later...the brakes gave out? Exactly, NEVER!

Ladies: rub on his penis while he's driving and just start talking crazy to him,

"say I won't put all that d*** in my mouth right now while you at the light!?"

or

"pull my d*** out babe...let me kiss it"

I guarantee YOU...he will whip his penis out faster than a chick with an EBT card at the supermarket from her Gucci bag!

Fellas: ya'll on the way home from a date, forget all that, "wait till I get you in the house" ish...handle her ass in the car!

"ah, babe...pull over right there...yea, right there...don't worry, don't worry"

or
"babe...babe...look...*rubbing penis ever so gently*"

That's right fellas, you or her should park up somewhere and climb in the backseat and get right into it! Fog them windows up! Have her ride you reverse cowgirl while you grip the back of her neck and whisper some nasty stuff in her ear! Give her backshots while she's grippin the dashboard, hell, have her lay out ON the dashboard and go ahead and get you a mouthful of her...you get the point. Just make sure you watch out for people and the cops...an orgasm one minute and Miranda Rights the next," don't mix!

public places:

You want an adrenaline rush? Have sex in a public place! Nothing says, "that was a great date," or "I love you" more than sex in the park! Forget all that, "oh babe, but, the bums sleep here," bs and sit her ass down that bench and treat right! Throw her legs in the air, lick on the clit and finger her at the same damn time! Not a fan of that bench? Have sex on the grass: missionary or let her ride you. Not cool with the park idea? Cool, hit a rooftop and enjoy the summer breeze and some sex your mother would be disappointed about you having! Hit a park...and enjoy natures first ever "sex swing". If you're up for a real challenge: hang from the monkey bars and have your partner give you oral and see how long you can last...whoever last longer...cooks dinner for a week! You ever had your woman's legs rested upon your shoulders while you suck on them lips!? Bruh! Just make sure you keep an eye out for the cops..."baby I'm cummin" one minute and "FREEZE," the next, don't mix!

"marco...marco...marco...G-SPOT!":

As kids, pools were always fun for playing basketball, seeing who could swim the fastest, hosting parties/BBQs, but as an adult...it's only good for skinny dippin' and having sex! Yup, you read right: s-e-x! If you don't have a pool of your own, that's cool, hit a public pool or drive to an area that might have one, you know, one those nice neighborhoods with the big driveways and green ass grass. Throw ambition to the wind and give him head under water! Not cool with that idea because you're afraid to get your hair wet: sit his ass on the edge of the pool, while you're still emerged and pretend his penis is a microphone and you're auditioning for America's Got Deep Throaters! Maybe you're not a fan of the pool idea, ok, cool...maybe a hot tub/Jacuzzi will work better. Have him sit down on the first few steps, straddle him, place your hands on his shoulders, and you ride him! Or, you lounge back and have him enter you and stroke you till his legs give out! Just make sure you keep an eye for the cops...looking back at your ass, as it makes waves one minute and "...do you guys live here?" while the cuffs dangle the next, don't mix.

give the neighbors a show:
I'm a huge fan of balcony sex because there's something about the freedom of knowing someone might be watching and allowing your partner to moan and scream as loud as they want; ahhh! Doggystyle while over looking a great view? Priceless! Whenever you go on vacation and your hotel or wherever you stay at has a balcony, I suggest sex happens. Receiving head while that annoying ass neighbor, that always keeps their blinds open, who decides to finally look over and takes notice to what you're doing? Priceless! Screaming so loud that you wake up the neighbors or your roommates (ha...sigh)? Priceless! Ladies...put on some heels and do a lil dance for him before you throw that ass back on him! Fellas...smack her ass, grip her by the waist, grab her by the shoulders and thrust harder, pull on her hair and play with her breast! The objection of balcony sex is to enjoy the view, be as loud as you want to while you're enjoying each other...not to be on some timid sh*t!  Just make sure you keep an ear out for the cops...your neighbors will call'em quick fast, because you re the one gettin ass.

"let me suck that d*** and see how many you can get done babe": 

I'm talking...sittin her on top of the counter and taking a step back, biting your bottom lip right before you place your face between her thighs. I'm talking...you giving him sloppy top (head, oral) while he's washing dishes and seeing how many he can wash before he cums. I'm talking...ignoring that pasta sauce and riding him in the chair while that sh** bubbles over. I'm talking..."let's go out to dinner babe," one minute and, "take them panties off and climb up on that table and let get a taste..." the next. I'm talking...69'in on the floor! You ever had sex for so long the damn steak got over cooked? You ever listen to the sound of them moaning so loud, that you forget that the water has been on for over 40 minutes!? Whatever you decide to do, just make sure you clean up after...because pubic hair and a bowl of cereal, don't mix.

fitting room action:

Maybe its the risk seeker in me but there's something sexy about sneaking into a dressing room and enjoying a quickie. This isn't the time to be making love or, "oh, I just wanna enjoy it, take it easy," kinda sex...this is that, "put these panties in your mouth babe and fuck me like you hate me before we get caught!" kinda action. F*** I look like, Michael Jackson Moonwalking in the pu***...I'm tryna Bobby Shmurda Shmoney Dance these strokes, bang-bang, and then boogie back into my dressing room before that annoying ass sales associate comes to double check on me. Go for a large department store, not those corny H&M kinda places where they rush you out of the dressing room because everybody is either A) tryna steal some sh** or B) trying on some sh*t they aren't even gonna buy after walking around for the next few minutes. There's no cameras and, if you get one with a mirror?! #Winning! Just make sure you keep your eyes and ears open...cops will break that sex session up quicker than the St. Louis riots!

..too soon?

Saving Ryan's Privates:

Mannn, who gives a damn about going to the movies and seeing ol' boring ass Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles after you JUST took your lil brother; not a damn soul! Movie theater sex is always good because you can go at certain times, to see a movie that 9/10 not a soul will be watching! Mid afternoon...who in their right mind is going to see Lucy? No one! Go for the back or mid section if you get caught so you can make a quick dash to the exit or head to the top so you can a lil more privacy from that annoying ass usher who wanna decides to finally do his job. Get a big ass thing of popcorn (yes, a LARGE *he/she got moneeeey*) and make a penis hole big enough for you to, you know, give a nice lil hand job or...maybe some head, depending on how you're feeling. Try to see if you can sneak into the projection room or the steps, this way, if usher "They Don't Pay Me Enough" puts his flashlight on you or blows his whistle...you can run for it, run for it, RUN! Just make sure you keep an eye out for an usher because he will more than likely be with a cop and, well...these cops ain't f***in around outchea!

If you wanted more, don't worry...part 2 drops tomorrow!

@Renaissance_Brotha_