Chivalry...You Know, The Sh*t Ya'll Call Thirsty

For those who don't know just quite what chivalry is or even what the word thirsty means...let me explain:

Thirsty is a slang term that describes the actions of a person who is overly persistent, too eager, or even desperate.

Example:

Boy: "aye...miss...aye...miss lady bit**!...yea, YOU...you look good...let me get ya number?!"

Girl: "uh-uh, you rude as f*** tho! I got a man anyways!"

Boy: "And?!?! He ain't here to be ya BF, so waddup!"

Girl: "boy bye"

Chivalry comes from back in the days, you know, when we had knights and lords, queens and sh*t like that, and it was a system of values that knights HAD to follow (think Game Of Thrones time period). Nowadays, it's a reference to how a man is suppose to act towards a woman:

• holding the door, so that she may enter before him (so he can take a look at that ass)
• holding her chair before he sits down at the table (so he can take a look at that ass)
• wearing a condom, so they can enjoy a night of lust and passion...

ok, so that last one was a joke...but I digress

We often hear, “chivalry is dead!” but that’s not the case. You know what happened...men continued to do the same things to/for women and somewhere along the lines, some men began to go a little overboard with it, thus, creating the term thirsty. It started with opening the car door so she can get in...to opening the zipper to his pants and letting his penis out. It went from, being friendly on social networking sites...to stalking on social networking sites! Some dudes weren't taught the art of chivalry- I get it; I wasn't taught how to cook but I picked the skill up along the way as I got older. If anything, I'm here to help both men AND women with this whole chivalry thing. So grab a seat, something cool to drink, relax because...

*class is in session*

1. "check please":

Paying for dates is a major damn deal! I’ll even go as far as to say that THIS right here is a major deal breaker for (some) women, why? Because if you're interested in getting to know her and you ask her out on a date and the bill comes and you look at her like, "so, you got this right?" Don't be mad if she tosses the water in your face! Unless otherwise stated: you (claps hands) are (claps hands) suppose (class hands) to pay (claps hands) for (claps hands) the date (claps hands, claps hands)! I don’t care if you work retail, a nursing assistant (I know a couple men who are nursing assistants), slangin' McChickens at Mickey Ds, cleaning tables at Ruby Tuesdays, a recent college grad, living at home with your mama, or you drug dealing…them first few initial dates, make sure the only time she go inside her bag is for her phone, I.D. and or the gloss for her lips! Depending on where the dates are, you pay, unless you really ain't got it like that then you can always go dutch (split the bill in half). If she's real about hers, she will understand, but that also means that you date within your means. I will get more into this in the next blog: "She Will Have The Lobster...And I Will Have The Head To Go".

2. "oh, let me get that for ya":

You dudes that don’t hold doors for chicks are stupid! I know some of you hate holding the door for her and then mad other people come right after and either don't say thank you or step all over your shoes but if that is the case: hold the door for her and like the next two people and then just walk the f*** in...ain't nobody got time for that! Any woman that is coming near a door and her and I are approaching that SAME door, but I'm there before her, not only is it common courtesy but it’s the RIGHT thing to do. Now with that being said ladies, if you are at the door before me and you wait for me to open it for you...we both waiting; serious as cancer. Case and point here fellas: if you find yourself at the door before her, just open it...and look at her ass as it walks out; win-win.

3. curb side service:

I do this a lot and usually get looked at like, "ummm...ok?" When you're out and about, it's customary for the woman to walk on the INSIDE, why? Because say a car jumps the curb...you wanna make sure your body is there to catch that car, like the Incredible Hulk (joking). But the point of you walking curb side is to protect her from any danger or hazardous sh*t like a biker, a criminal, a bullet, or maybe even your crazy ex who secretly follows you on Instagram and knows that once you take her to the Thai spot up the block from your house that serves the good drinks, more 9/10 you're taking her home t...you get the point. Nothing says, "OMG, you saved my life from that vicious thug like," "OMG, don't just put the tip in, put the WHOLE thing in me NOW!"

4. "here, you can sit here":

If you're on a train or bus and its crowded and you just so happen to be sitting down…please and I mean, PLEASE offer your seat to that lady that’s standing. Do this for pregnant women, senior citizens, women with babies, etc. Do this even when you're on a date! When I tell you karma works in the weirdest ways, bruh, you never know what that seat can possibly lead to. Word to mommy: gave up my seat on my way to work for this lady with her 4 kids (no lie) at like, 8 in the morning, she was so thankful, when I got into work they had breakfast catered AND lunch! (claps hands) Dead (claps hands) ASS, walked into the staff kitchen like...

4. "she will have the...":

Unless she’s undecided, allow her to order her meal first. If you really want some cool points, you’ll ask her what she’s eating and then proceed to order it for her. Also, if you’re at bar, sitting at a table or whatever, be a gentleman and get yo ass up and get the drinks, unless there’s table service.

5. "...that ass tho...":

Now I know some of you dudes are just THAT eager to sit down and order and spark up a convo but before you do that, do this: PULL OUT THE CHAIR FOR HER! Show her you're a gentleman and not only be nice, but earn some cool points as well. Learn from Obama...check her ass out on the way down *wink*. Also, speaking of seating , whenever you're taking seats at the movies, church, restaurant, or even a concert, the woman is supposed to precede you into the row of seats. So next time ya’ll getting lead to ya’ll seats at IHOP(my favorite place to eat) make sure SHE precedes YOU, this way you can be like...

6. "oh, hey, you're cold?":

If she’s cold, offer your: coat, sweater, cardigan…so she doesn't get hard nipples and feels embarrassed. (I know its summer but if you're by the water or something or a place where its cold, this comes in handy). She hits you wit the, "babe, I'm cold," you can just be like...

7. make an impression:

When you're at the nail salon, just waiting around, offer to help out after she gets her nails/toes done! Not only will she appreciate it but the girls in the salon will as well. They pay good money to look nice, so be nice and offer a helping hand. Hold her bag for her, open her Snapple, hell, feed her lol, point is: be a helping hand. Things like this show you appreciate her outside in front of others...simple things matter most fellas.

8. "wipe me down":

Sex happens, right? Right! Now, w/ that being said, if ya’ll in the heat of the moment and she WANTS you to… “relieve yourself on her” or she's a squitter…make sure AFTER ya'll are done, you clean her up, before yourself. You might be laughing but if the sex is good, she's not gonna want to get up, period. A brotha like me will whip a chick down like Boosie...or maybe like tha homeless guy at the light tryna earn a couple bucks. That’s all ima say on this, moving on...

Lastly,

9. be a gentle-mannn:

Be respectful, be kind, be caring, be on time, call/text when you say you are. If you’re saying “yo babe, ima call you later,” and don’t do it and it becomes a habitual thing…consider yourself NOW in the dog house. You have to be a man of your word…truthfully and honestly speaking. In other words, follow the rules of basic courtesy because “being chivalrous is NOT the same as kissin ass.” (food for thought)

Chivalry is built around common sense but like I say every so often…sometimes common sense, ain't that common. Good morning text aren't necessary nor are they part of being chivalrous but if she likes it, do it, fu** it but let me just make this clear again: sending a good morning text isn't a part of chivalry; period. Ladies: stop buying into these ridiculous societal norms and just live your damn life. Fellas: don't get comfortable with allowing her to text first all the damn time either. How you treat a woman says a lot about you and says a lot more about how you were raised but that's a different topic altogether. Chivalry ain't die tho, so ladies please stop calling these men thirsty the moment he pays you a compliment or does something nice just cause. And fellas stop doing creep shi* like, idk, brushing up against her ass purposely or gazing off into her breast...that's just creep. Be great men and be chivalrous.

@renaissance_brotha_