So I Have This Friend: Good Kid, Ratchet City

Friend: "(sigh) I don't know what's wrong with females these days bro!"


Me: "What you mean (lol) you gotta elaborate."Friend: "Ima keep 100: why is it that women claim they want a man who has everything but then they f*** with the complete opposite!? Like, that s*** don't make no sense!"Me: "Oh, I see what you're saying now! So you mean, "bads dudes ain't no good, the good dudes ain't no fun/the ratchet chicks want a smart brotha, & the college girls all want a thug," or nah?"Friend: "(LMAO) Son, you're nuts but exactly my point! They want a good dude but then they don't know what to do when they run into a man like me. So I need you to write about this..."Me: "Check back with me Saturday, I got you."

So I have this friend...good kid, ratchet city...

The title doesn't have much to do with the blog, but, then again, maybe it does, but I will leave that up to you as the reader to interpret.

Meet Josh: handsome, respectful, ambitious, mid 20 something, very educated, diverse, athletic, has a great city job with benefits (NYC resident), own car, social drinker, spiritual, and most importably, he's s-i-n-g-l-e!

If there's one thing I know for certain is this: (some) women don't appreciate a good man when they meet one! And sure, the same can be said about men not appreciating a good woman but that's already a known fact! So my homeboy Josh, hits me up the other day to talk about all that he's been going thru with women and to me, it's nothing new. Why? Because I deal with the same thing as well on a daily basis. Good guys finish last, period-point-blank. Women want men to be this somewhat "mythical creature" and once they run into the man that fills everything on their "list" or a least a good portion of it...they f*** him over for a dude who only fills one thing on that list...#dick. How do you want a man to be honest with you and you're not even truthful about what it is that YOU want? If you want a dude with a 9-5, boo boo, make yourself available for one. If you want Deshawn with the neighborhood good pipe game, boo boo, you go out there and you get himmm. The difference between a n*gga and a man is this: a REAL man will handle his responsibilities despite what anyone has to say about him/to him and will continue to strive for success no matter what life throws his way and a n*gga is usually that dude in the neighborhood (hood) that many label as a "real n*gga" because he's done some sh*t that a Man will second guess, i.e. get a chick pregnant with no intentions of sticking around or bust his gun over sh*t that probably could've been talked about over a Corona, some wings, and lap dances at the local strip club. So what happens? A woman will say, "girl, I'm so tired of these ain't sh*t dudes, like seriously now, this sh*t is getting old! I want a man that will take me for who I am, spoil me with loyalty, finance me, put up with my mood swings, accept my meanness for no reason, stay committed even when I emotionally cheat with other guys, give me the D on a regular, give me head, hell, I want him to eat my a** at LEAST once a month, and I want him to look good and let me have all his passwords!"

and then they go for dudes who

• sell drugs
• verbally abusive and or physically abusive
• f*** them and get head from their friend(s)
• have no goals or ambitions
• listen to Chief Keef (joking because I'm listening to him as we speak)
• lives at home and contributes nothing

and I mean that list can literally go on for forever and a day; like the list of ain't sh*t men. You're saying one thing and but you're going after another...what sense does that really make? NONE! 

Now, if what you read thus far hasn't interested you yet, well, maybe the following will. So you say you're looking for a man right? STOP chasing these ass n*ggas, simple as that! N*ggas nowadays are only good for a few things:

• F*CKIN you
• F*CKIN up your mind
• F*CKIN up your pockets
• and lastly, F*CKIN up your heart

How is it that you want a man to bring "X Y Z" (that can be a variety of things) to the table and

• you have X (you want him to have a job and you have a job)
• you're working towards Y (could be you want him to educated and have a degree or has at least been enrolled in college, but you're looking to get into school)
• and you have NO damn idea of what Z is (could be you want him to have his own place, but you still live at home)

Men get tired of hearing women talk about what a "man is supposed to be like, what a man should be doing yada yada," when in theory, YOU, yourself, DON'T know who you are or what you want! Let's talk about women who are in fact intimated by a good man; the fact that chase them away to chase after the dudes who won't even chase THEM to begin with. It's pathetic to say the least. "But there are no good guys, they're either dead or in jail or taken or gay!" That kinda statement is straight up and down foolery! If you're constantly saying that men aren't sh*t...well guess what honey boo boo child, maybe (hand clap) its (hand clap) you (hand clap) who (hand clap) ain't (hand clap) sh*t (hand clap). You're the common denominator in that equation, not the guy and why? Because you're attracting them to YOU! Of course this isn't for all women because how skewed and narrow and closed minded would that be, but this piece is for those women who ignore a good man when they're on their knees at night praying for "Mr. Right" to come into their lives and mend their broken hearts. If you value honesty, be honest with what you want. If you want consistency, be consistent with your feelings and emotions. If you value time, don't waste time telling yourself you want things  to be of a particular way, and turning around and wasting the time of a man that could love and honor someone who is deserving of all that he has to offer. The same goes for men as well. 

My advice to you Josh: continue working hard and bettering yourself as a M-A-N and progressing not only mentally but spiritually as well. Relationships don't come about from you praying to your higher power to bless you with a soulmate-no-it happens by going out and enjoying life. Luck is how it happens, regardless of what eHarmony tries to shove down your throat or any false prophet tries to tell you. Be yourself and the right woman will come into your life when the time is right. Make sure you bring to the table whatever it is you require from her. Make sure your standards are rational, reasonable, and respectful; rational-your expectations are clear and concise, reasonable-nothing that you require is farfetched, and lastly, respectful-your partner has an understanding of the type of person you are and will be able to gain a better understanding of who you are through communication throughout the course of courting (dating for you young folk). We all know that men decide relationships, so, with that being said make sure you follow this guideline:

Make sure you know the DIRECTION in which you want the friendship to go in because grey areas will lead to problems down the road. Make sure you have an UNDERSTANDING of who you are before you venture into anything and once that's set, you move forward into a relationship. Once in that relationship, make sure your TRUST issues from the past are dealt with or...you'll have to deal with them AND new ones in your present AND future. Also, keep the lines of COMMUNICATION open because like the old saying goes, "communication is key!" And lastly...make sure that you are HONEST at all times about your intentions, your feelings, and more importantly, who, you, ARE! You take all of that and the two of you will be able to go D-U-T-C-H...half on a friendship and them a relationship.

D(irection) - U(nderstanding) - T(rust) - C(ommunication) - H(onest) = to go half on a partnership, whether it be a friendship, or a friendship that leads into a relationship.

Ladies, do better.

@renaissance_brotha