So I Have This Friend: Messy Mara

Ex: "Hey big head, I wanted to ask your advice on somethin but you have to promise to not judge me, ok?"
Me: "Go for it."
Ex: "Alright, so I've been dealing with this guy for ab..."
Me: "Not the Jamaican dude who drive the Nissan I hope!"
Ex: "No, would you just listen and shut up! This dude I work with. We've been havin sex Ant and its great and all but when I try to ask him about using a condom, its like he KNOW'S I'm about to ask so he'll bring somethin else up. I mean, I've asked him once via text and he said he would but...it just never happened."
Me: "So don't have sex with him, un-TILL..."
Ex: "It's not that easy! He slides inside of me and..."
Me: "And I don't wanna hear the rest, thanks!"
Ex: "(laughs) Sorry, but also, I like this other dude who's in my Childhood Development class in grad school and I don't know how to talk to him without sounding like a hoe, you know. Like, how can I get his attention without eye f***ing all the damn time?! What should I do? Also, do guys look at chicks and say "oh that b**** is bad! Ima go raw in her!" I mean, with us, we did but that's because you had a pocket full of them. I also wanna know why some dudes just don't like using them to begin with!?! Like, y'all not afraid of STDs and what not!?!"
Me: "I am!"
Ex: "Well, answer those and get back to me...make that sh*t into a blog like you do with everything else. Love you big head!"

So I Have This Friend: Messy Mara

Not many men can honestly say that they are cool with any of their ex GFs on a level where the two of them can have conversations for hours without arguing about the past, I'm lucky so to say I'm cool with a couple of mines.

But I digress...

Alright Mara, so your first question was: "how do you talk to a guy without really sounding like hoe?"

Well, because most men are gonna be afraid, or "intimidated" to step to you, the best thing to do since you guys have a class together is to talk to him about something that pertains to the class. Once you've put yourself out there, you will know if he's interested or not, why? Because any guy that's interested will want to continue the conversation then and thereafter. Keep this in mind as well: if you've given him your number and told him that you wouldn't mind if you guys talked on a regular and he doesn't use it...that's a clear indicator that he is NOT that interested in you. Pay attention to his body language as well, he might not say a whole lot, but his body language will usually speak more than him verbally. You mentioned eye contact-yes-eye contact works as long as you don't look like a damn creep doing it! There's a difference between "flirty" eyes and "Kobe Bryant death stare" eyes. Proper eye contact and good conversation is the best way to gauge to see if he's interested.

The next thing you want to know was: "do guys look at certain types of females and determine they're not gonna use a condom with them yada yada?"

Truthfully speaking; a guy should use a condom the first time the two of you guys have sex and thereafter UNTIL you've made it official and have gotten tested if not together then separately and those results SHOULD be shared, honestly speaking. A guy using a condom should be manadtory like him brushing his teeth in the morning and washing his nuts at night! As far as you know, he's a hoe until you really get to know him better which takes a few months (6 or more). My thing is, never assume and always keep your own condoms with you, THIS way, there's no grey area about the topic when it comes up. On the flip side tho...sh*t happens. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, a female/male looks so appealing that using a condom enters your mind and leaves just as fast once the two of you are naked and kissing and touching and rubbing and...ok you get my point. That night of passion and bad decisions usually ends up becoming a morning of regret and awkwardness. Here's what I've learned: the more and more and MORE two people talk, the more they will become opposed to using a condom. If I'm wrong, ask your homegirls and see what they say. What starts off as, "damn babe, just let me slip the tip in," turns into, "WOOO, that was somethin else...you wanna order pizza?" All in all though, just strap up, simple as that.

Lastly, to answer your next question: condoms, for some, just get in the way and by using one, you lose all the feeling. I've slipped up, I won't lie but there's no reason why any man walking this Earth should be a habitual "non-rubber-brotha". Those who don't like using condoms, obviously don't like their life altogether! Trojan's Ecstasy brand is probably one of the BEST condoms on the market! If he wants to enjoy the feeling of "not having anything on," I say get him that. Now of course it doesn't compare to the actual "real deal" but it'll be worth it in the long run. If he says, "condom? I ain't got time for that!" then you should rebuttal with, "sex!? With you? I ain't got time for that!" It's your vagina at the end of the day and if he doesn't respect it, 7/10 he won't respect you.

Now in closing, I hope this was helpful for you and if have anymore questions, comments, and it concerns...hit me up.

@renaissance_brotha.