Bronocchio & The Boy Who Cried Thot

I'm often asked why I don't write blogs about men and yada yada yada and honestly, the answer is simple:

I, don't, give, a sh*t, about, these, dudes!

I mean in a sense I do, but really...I don't be caring.

The part of me that actually cares is the responsibility we as men have when dealing with women and the lack of accountability we as men hold ourselves to. Men are strong creatures that will hold sh** down and whip another dude's as the moment he gets outta line, but the moment it comes down to telling his woman the truth...

Yup, *Mike Woodson face* (former head coach of the New York Knicks...you know, that team with Melo on it...you know, Lala Anthony's husband).

Men, lieee! Now, of course you ladies knew this already but I figured I'd touch on it since I seem to touch on just about everything else.

I(ve) lied. I'm not saying I'm out here lying and sh** to women about sh** but the lies I hear that some men are telling women and getting away with; ridiculous! I will say this: women are better liars; always have, always will be. That's nothing to glorify but too many men are under the impression that the lies they tell, trump that of a woman...nah bruh, nah. The reason why I'm not lying to women no more...

I remember when Left Eye from TLC (RIP) set this n**** clothes on fire in that tub and that tub caught fire and that house caught fire and his house burneddddd down to the ground! I'm also reminded of the time of this song by R&B artist, Jazmine Sullivan, where she talked about busting the windows outta some n**** car and even tho my black ass don't own a car (yet), when I do get a car...I don't even want her weave strands being left in my car let alone a f***ing brick or some next s***! And lastly, I'm reminded of Lorena Bobbit...

I mean, she literally cut his wee-wee off...OFF!

But without further ado

*class is in session*

My D*** Big Or Nah:

I mean, sure, some dudes are packing but the ones who are usually bragging? That's a form of a deep seeded insecurity and they feel, "If I can convince her that I got a big ol' d***...she's gonna wanna f***!"

So what he do? Send you a d*** pic!

All that sh** he was talking and his sh** ain't even longer than the toothpick you get in the mall food court when they give you a sample of the food?!?! Oh hell nah! 7/10 of you dudes who claim to be packing, ain't packing! (some) Females will stroke a man's ego and tell him that it's "decent" and that sh*t ain't even a-ok! Dudes get gassed thinking they "Sweet D*ck Willie* but in reality...they be coming up short…like the collection plate with a cheap congregation. If 1 chick says you were a great, the next 1 says you were good, and the next 3 say you were, “iight,” there’s a problem; 1 great + 1 good + 3 iight’s = (doing calculations)…a fair and last time I checked, saying someone is fair in the sex department, wasn’t a good look. But ya’ll take that 1 chick who said ya’ll was great and go out in the world and tell all kinda lies; “I beat the p**** up, up, up,” when in all actuality, “you ain't even make her nut, nut, nut, nut, nut!" Just be honest! 8/10, she'll still let you have sex and if you know what you're doing, you'll get to do so over and over again.

We Gotta Good Thing Or Nah:

"I like you, I really do...but I don't want a relationship right now." - said by 94.29% of men

Peep the scenario:

Mike & Marsha are cool. They like each other. One day, she invites him over for a Netflix night...you know, that kinda night where you guys eat and watch half the movie because the other half of the movie you're in her so deep, you can feel her stomach! Marsha says,

“I’m not ready to be committed, solo, what’s gonna happen between us? I just got outta a bad relationship and to be honest...I'm just not ready.”

“I mean, I like you, but I’m not ready for a serious relationship right now…but we can be friends,” replies Mike…

WHAAT!! *Trey Songz voice*

This is a common lie guys tell females A LOT, when they just wanna have sex with no strings attached. Mike knew what he was doing. He knew what he was saying. He knew Marsha wanted him to take it down like Ray J did Kim K! All in all, he was running game like LeBron is about to do to these Bobcats! When Marsha stated, “…I’m not ready for a commitment,” this really meant, "I’m DTF (down to f___), only if you’re willing to commit!" At that point, this gave Mike the, “beat it up, even tho I’m not in a relationship” pass. At the end of the day, this will be a lie guys continue to tell…ladies, just be smart, use your words wisely because not being direct will get you hurt.

I Been Busy Or Nah:

BEST SH*T EVEEEER!

I'm joking, but no one is that damn busy where they cant send a text or call for a minute or two. Like seriously? We live in time where people live with their phones in their hands and guys? Sure, he might actually be busy but with school, work, his kids, running errands, and things of that nature, but honestly, there are so many opportunities to let someone you're talking to/married to/going out with know you're thinking about them. I've had this problem but, this ain't the blog for that to talk about women and their bullish*t, but no man is truly THAT busy; it's bs ladies. (some) Dudes be too busy...GETTING busy' respect it, check it, or neglect it (you know my motto). No dude wants to come off as being thirsty, so how is he gonna act? The exact opposite. “I’ve been too busy even for myself,” is utter malarkey, think about it; Monday – Friday evening I’ve been busy, (so I say), 6PM rolls around and you hit me up and all of a sudden, NOW I’m not busy? HA! Ladies, be careful, once you become “open” he becomes open, #ThinkAboutIt.

I Got Dem Js Or Nah:
I know a lot of dudes lying about basic sh*t like...Jordans because they think a woman will be like, "oh you aint got no damn degree but you got a Masters in Jordanology!" I know grown ass women who want matching sneakers with their man and matching f***ing clothes and matching f****ing Gucci belts and it's sickening! But what grown man lies about dressing nice? Like, this shouldn't even be a topic but dead ass it's crazy! Thanks to Instagram, dudes are able to search for a pic, crop it, add a filter, add some corny ass caption, and post it like it's theirs. You tell her you got all these Steve Harvey suits and Burberry ties and she comes to your house searching around and now she's looking like...

When you're in your mid 20s and up still lying about materialistic sh*t like that will impress a WOMAN...bruh, you need to look in the mirror...

and smash ya face.

Ima Leave Her For You Or Nah:
People think that side pieces are this new age thing anddd...they are not:
“Woman to Woman," - Betty Wright (my favorite)

"As We Lay" - Shirley Murdock 

"Friend of Mine" - Kelly Price

“Can’t Be the Other Woman" - Changing Faces

A man will fill your head up with this bs about, "leaving his main woman for you," and months down the line...it's the same f***ing sh*t! These songs illustrate just that: these dudes ain't loyal! Come and tell Renaissance Brotha how good that pu*** is that it'll make him leave the woman who washes his clothes, irons, cooks, cleans up his car, gives him money, sucks and f***s him whenever, wherever without fear of being seen and someone telling...

...I'll wait...

Oh yea b*tch, it ain't happening. This lie is great because he gets to keep manipulating you and he gets to go home to his girl like everything is cool. Oh, you thought he was doing something when he double tapped on your pic? Haaa! You MUST be on the same thing Frank Ocean was on while he was messing with the, “model broad w/ the Hollywood smileee,” to think that this bold face lie holds any kinda truth. Ladies:

DON’T (claps hands) GIVE HIM (claps hands) THE (claps hands) TIME OF DAY, (claps hands) UNTIL (claps hands) THE (claps hands) MAIN CHICK (claps hands) IS NO LONGER IN THE WAY (claps hands 2x)!!! 

I Got Kids...Or Nah:

Ahhh, the world we live in where men openly lie or decide to omit info about that they're fathers to women they decide to talk, outta fear of scaring her off or...because he just doesn't give a f***! The moment you treat your children like a hand in a game of Spades where your partner ask you, "how many you got homie," and you're like this...

shoot yourself. 

We're talking kids here...kids...not your baby mama situation...kids *A.I. voice*

So many women are understanding of a man who has kids because that helps them get some kinda understanding as to who you are and what you're about and what kinda man you will be (in a sense) to her/for her. A man who don't take care of his kids, more times than none won't take care of you REGARDLESS of the situation (I am willing to debate this one, even tho I am not a father). If he lying about his kids, sh*t, he might be lying about the girl who always drops them off who ain't his baby moms...

which brings me to my last point

She’s Just a Friend Or Nah:
I have many female friends, hell, I'm still best friends with one of my ex GF, why? Because we were FRIENDS before we got into a relationship. Now I know many women are gonna be like, "what the f*** do ya'll still need to be friends for?" When you're an adult, this crazy thing called maturity gets factored in and you're able to hold convos and go out and chill. Some dudes I know and some dudes you'll meet ladies aren't "just friends" with some of their female friends...they're f***ing them...and when I say f*cking, I mean, he's sticking his penis inside of her, from missionary, doggy, and reverse cowgirl. Because of Instagram, females are lead to believe that any female who tends to leave an emoji face or some kinda of comment that suggest more than the relationship actually is...that the dude is f***ing her. I'm here to say that's wrong...sometimes. Dudes will tell you this and erase the comment so fast, *phew*. When you ask him and he starts to smile, giggle, chuckle even...he's giving her the D in, and or around her mouth! This doesn't apply to new couples or "just talking/getting to know" because ya'll don't have sh"t established, so have a seat elsewhere. This applies to couple with some years because a dude will lie in your face while having sex, mid stroke, I'm talking while you're moaning and mutter to you that he is not f***ing the girl who ALWAYS takes ya'll order at Red Lobster. What you ladies need to do is to gather evidence, approach his ass, ask him, and if he denies, present it to him and then you slap his punk ass and then you find that b**** and ask her to do it for the Vine...while you cock your gun back!

*We at A Better Breed Of Man do not support gun violence and no adult problem should be handled with such brash decisions*

I'm not even gonna come up with some fancy ass ending: just don't lie fellas. I know it's hard because the truth hurts, hell, life hurts, point is, the one you love don't deserve that. Lie to your boss. Lie to the cop about to write you a ticket. Don't lie to your woman...KARMA SUCKS, TRUST ME I KNOW! We, have, to, do, BETTER guys and I mean that. If it has to start with one, so be it, but, let it be a step forward and not a step to the side or backwards. Be about progression…you’ll get more outta life. 

@Renaissance_Brotha_

S.H.O.R.T.I.E.S.

S.H.O.R.T.I.E.S =

Seriously,
Height
Only
Reminds
The
Intellectual
&
Educated
*of*
Shallowness

Ok, so I added an "o"...sue me but how great is that acronym! But before you start getting all defensive, know this:

1) I'm like 5'6...ish
2) if you don't believe me, take ya ass to Home Depot or Lowes (you know, the place where you can buy the Mimi shower rods at), find the aisle where the measuring tapes are, come measure me (no pun intended), and get an answer, to your question.
3) cool your jets because you're about to read some real sh*t!

I digress,

*class is in session*

Peep the scenario:
Rita and Candice are best friends. Candice, has a man, whom she loves and has been with for over 3 yrs. Rita on the other hand: runs thru men like newborn babies do diapers! Rita, tired of dealing with “dudes who aint bout sh**,” often calls Candice to vent about the shortage of good men. Candice, frustrated, decides to tell Rita about Jon: a co-worker she often talks to during her lunch break.

Jon: a recent college school grad with a M.A. in Dental Sciences, outgoing, personable, under 700 followers on Instagram, has often been called, “the light skin Morris Chestnut,” cooks a mean mac & cheese with some garlic mashed potatoes, and fried chicken, has his own place, pays his own rent/bills, loves reality tv on his down time, and single...gets set up on a blind date with Rita.

Candice, having talked to Rita before she goes out on her date, forgot to disclose one thing

…his height.

Rita, standing tall at 5’1" (5’6" in heels) swore to NEVER date a man under 6 foot! When Rita finds out that Jon is 5’8", she is no longer interested. Candice, mad as all hell, decides to hook Rita up with Maggie: aspiring model/IHOP waitress, which results in a “happy ending".

This scenario may sound crazy but trust me, it's real! How many times have you heard,

“Oh damn, he got it going on like that?!
Wait, what you say girl...he’s what?!?!
How tall!?!?"
*dial tone*

I feel a lot women have irrational, illogical, and idiotic height preferences these days, especially the ones that are short as sh**! The average height for a man is 5’9 BUT for some odd reason, to ladies, that’s still considered short! Short dudes (myself included) who are shorter than the average, get thrown waaay under the proverbial short yellow bus more times than none. The fact that a woman can say in one instance, “I’m not dating him because he looks like he could be my lil brother,” and then turn around say, “I rather date a dude who hustles & keeps me on his IG," to me, that is utterly f****** absurd!

Now I know you're laughing but this way of thinking is also associated with:
•If I’m 6'5" and a jerk to people: then I’m just a jerk.
•If I’m 5'5" and I’m a jerk to people: then I have Napoleon Complex.
•If I’m 6'5" driving a truck: then that's ok.
•If I’m 5'5" driving a truck: then I’m overcompensating.

Exactly...what the F***!

The women who are fully self-aware, still take part in this tom-f***ery, saying things like, "girl I know I’m wrong, but how’s it gonna look when I bring my midget man to the family BBQ and they get him confused for one of my students?". Yup, I know you're laughing, but just imagine if the tables were turned and we as men went around saying, “man, I know I’m wrong for saying this, but aint it gonna look weird when I bring that big b**** to the family BBQ and she eats all the damn food? Now my auntie lookin at me like I did sumthin wrong!”

Shallow, s***! 

The same females that indict men on charges for being too picky/superficial, are the same ones that attend mass services at Holy Double Standard I’ll Pass on The Short Men Community Baptist Church, are shallow-super duper-ficial ass females that need to plank off the Empire State building. Do I honestly care that a female isn’t going pick me over a tall dude like fat kids, Asians, and nerds are picked last for dodge ball? Yes, just a little! But I care because I'm quite sure (outside of my height) ima qualified candidate to be some woman's future baby daddy/side piece/MCM (man crush monday)/King/BF/husband or whatever.

What makes the situation even funnier is that some women will get all Bill Nye The Science Guy and say sh*t like, "a tall man? Honey I needs one! I need to feel like safe, secure, like I'm in a Snuggie when I'm in his arms...not a hand towel (making reference to being with a short man)." Average height for a woman is 5’4...5-flippin-4! Now, for those who wear heels, hell, kudos to you, I love me a woman in some heels; nothing is sexier! But when you're not in heels and yo ass is short, I mean to the point where I can rest my chin on yo forehead, you have no damn right to call me nor any other dude that's taller than you, short. I understand the importance of physical attraction, and I’m sure those who are reading this will remind me of that as well but unless you're already tall (5'8" and up) you can't be out here being picky when your dad stayed with your mama and her ass was wearing weave since Jim Crow days and he STILL ain't see her natural hair!

Your preference is taller men, why? Because you're afraid of what your friends are gonna say about you when they see you out and about with a man who is either slightly shorter or your height? You wanna feel secure? Oh, you WANT a man that's tall? How about HAVING a man that will "stand tall" in the face of adversity! Spare me with the heels sh** because no secure man will even think twice and say some sh** like, "heels? I mean, you sure you wanna be that much taller than me babe, I mean, we only going to Red Lobster!" Noooooo, a real man isn't gonna care! Unless you're tall already, that height preference makes you shallow - there, I said it. I understand your preference is that of your own, but if you not that tall, yo ass don't need to be that choosy. You're attracted to men with some height, I get it. You wanna be able to look up at him, I get it. A guys preference for titts and ass is just that...titts and ass, not, "oh babe, make sure those titties don't pop out while you're drinking your daiquiri!"

Who gives a f*** about yo preference! (French Montana voice)

If you're dating a man who cares about height...don't waste your time, energy, nor attention because 8/10, he's gonna bring that sh*t up continuously. Now I like tall chicks, I would date one in a heartbeat, just like I would date a short one because the only few things that matter to me is: how great her personality is, is she educated, will she compliment me, and will she let me eat her p****, the way Niko did Mimi! So you damn right I’m mad when I get rejected by tall ass Lisa Leslie with the 38D breast, Buffie booty, pretty feet, and smile that out shine the sun. I also get mad when ol’ brown skin Kelly Rowland with the curly natural hair and the booty that look like two apples in her jeans tell me, “na chocolate…I’ll pass!” when we're virtually the same F***ING HEIGHT! You're wiling to pass up a good man because you can't look up at him and eye fu** him? Please, get ya life! Don't say, "oh, you're saying that because you're short," no, I'm saying that because height (unless you're already tall) doesn't matter. You know how many times I've been curved by taller women because they didn't feel secure (yup, I'm pretty sure a few of you are reading this and will hit me up and ask)? Many! If I don't care about my height, why should you? 

-signed, every short man in America!

I'm completely understanding of preference but if you're not tall...why be so picky? Do women not admire confidence in a man?

Lemme hear what you gotta say

@renaissance_brotha_

Fumbles & Interceptions

Before I start, just a few things:

• chivalry has been around for, idk, forever! So with that being said: a guy (because this seems to be an issue [some] women have with [some] men) texting you "good morning" is NOT chivalry; it's just a kind gesture.
• communication is a two way street: not a one way or a dead end; #ThinkAboutIt
•keep your relationship problems/issues off of social networking sites...we don't care about'em! If its a cry for attention you want...hit up the person you're in the relationship with! The moment you post "x y z" someone is gonna chime in with "a b c" and you gonna be a-n-g-r-y.
•if you're near 30 or in your 30s...stop acting like you're in your early 20s/mid 20s; men and women. All the stubbornness, sense of entitlement, faking interest, so on and so forth will only get you put on that "Summer Jam" screen f****ng around, period.

*class is in session*

Let me tell you right now that this blog will focus on the mistakes we as men make in relationships; nothing more nothing less. I as a man have made tons of mistakes which is why my ex is my ex but I have learned from those mistakes and I would like to believe I am a better man for it.

To say that women are to blame for ALL relationship issues, is absurd. To say that there WON'T be bumps along the way, is ridiculous. To say that they have this virtual market where you can buy hair, clothes, diet supplements, weed, henny coladas, food, and damn near a spouse and we call this place Instagram...is down right ludicrous!

But I digress

We as men get too comfortable early in the relationship and forget that consistency is key. We forget that: whatever we did to win you over, should be done to keep you there as well. If we get you to let your guard down, we're content and that...is where we f*** up! So without further ado, here are some relationship mistakes us as guys make...

Ok...So Now What:
We meet the girl, get to know her, date, get to know her some more, date more, f***, date even more, f*** some more, get into a relationship, send flowers randomly,do a bunch of romantic sh*t, listen to her complain about how much she hates working at Victoria Secret on weekends, we cuddle up and watch Bad Girls Club when we'd rather watch a blind person change a baby's diaper in a snow storm, I mean, we do all this stuff and then...we fall flat. We're caring, affectionate, honest, and open in the beginning, thinking that because we've, "won her heart" if you will, we can kick our feet up; negative.

Fellas, the worst thing you can do is slack off. She kept you at a distance to get a better understanding of you, you won her over, now you're the one being distant and you're mad because she's starting to grow distant? Bruh! Once you push her to that point of no return, it'll be late night R&B mixed with crying, wishing you can get that ol thang back! The same attention you gave her in the beginning, keep that consistent throughout the relationship.

I Can See Myself With You, Like...Forever:
On one side of the coin: you'll get the guy who is afraid of commitment and on the other side of that coin: you'll get the guy who will let you know, "I can see me spending my life with you," only after knowing you a few months! "Yea, I can see you being my queen! We'd make some good lookin babies. Plus, moms is talkin about grandkids.

Wait a min, wait a min - Kevin Hart voice.

For some females, that's enough to change the number, change the Twitter name, deactivate the FB, and start a whole new Instagram! Fellas, take it eaassy! Forever tho? Forever is a mighty long time to spend with a person you've only known for 2 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days. Pump ya brakes. Let time take its course and if it's meant to be, it will be.

Another Again/..That's It?:
First few months we're like ANIMALS! You can't keep us from jumping on top you any opportunity we get,

In the mirror while you're doing your hair/in the shower while you're applying Nair/by the cabinets where the dishes go/in back row of the movie theaters, on the low

After some months pass, females are left asking, "is that it...?". Some dudes get into relationships and think minimal sex is cool and don't realize and what happens is that, weeks go by, and we haven't even considered to have sex because subconsciously, them weeks really feel like only a few days. Contrary to popular belief, sex is a major deal in most relationships (I stand by that last sentence). Now on the flip side of that you have dudes that want it too much (yes, I said too much). For some females who work, go to school, have to come home cook and clean...sex can be the last thing on her mind. I know you read that but seriously, think about that for a minute or two. It's not that she doesn't want sex, it's just, she doesn't want it all the time and what happens is that because we as men don't understand, we take that as, "oh this b**** wanna act up and not f***? Cool, let me go f*** wit a side jawn!"

Bruh!

Learn to compromise! period, point, blank!

Attention Deficit:

One of the things I know to be certain is that when you pay lil attention to your partner...your partner will give her attention elsewhere. It's like we're there physically but mentally, we've checked out. I'm not saying, quit your job, diss ya homeboys, or spend less time with your family just to be all up, under her now, but ignoring her? Will be the quickest way to have every Big Sean, Justin Timberlake, Rick Ross, Trey Songz, Lil' Mama in the face, look-a-like at her door wanting to "do it for the Vine" inside her...and trust me...she will let 'em do it.  The sad thing about it is, she'll actually consider entertaining them because you have now created what I like to call, "The Attention Void". Don't let it get to a point where you begin to lose sight of who she is and the reasons you're with her. Either you find that necessary balance that all relationships need or find yourself arguing with some dude that looks like her celebrity man crush.

I'll takeee, "backbone" for 500 Alex:
Dude + no backbone = a "welcome home" mat. Your woman will treat you like a welcome mat when you become too relaxed in your relationship. F*** all that submission sh*t...BE A MAN! These women want m-e-n, not a damn dog! Yet sadly, some men believe that the only way they can keep a woman around is by doubling as her pet, and agreeing with everything that she says. Big damn mistake buddy...big mistake! She'll start to feel this sort of, "entitlement", to make you do whatever, feel whatever, act however, wherever, when you don't stand up for yourself and you become a "yes man":

"Yes dear, I'll cut my hair even though I cut it last week."
"Yes babe, we can have sex, even tho my leg hurts from getting dunked on by Terry at the gym."
"Yea babe, your mother can come visit, even tho when she brings that damn dog that likes to piss all over the couch."

The ladies from my job always tell me, "Ant-nee (Anthony w/ a Jamaican dialect), we want a big, strong man, not a lickkle dog.". Case and point: ladies want a man who will stand firm beside them and not quiver underneath them...

Treadmillship:
Treadmill + relationship = treadmillship. How many of you have been or are currently in, a relationship that feel similar to a treadmill? Time sees to go by and by but certain things seem to remain the same. (some) Females hate that stagnant feeling in regards to relationships, which is why ultimatums come up when things get to a standstill:

"Either, (hands clap) you (hands clap) get (hands clap) ya sh*t together or (hands clap) I'm (hands clap) though (hands clap, hands clap) through!"

or
"Listen, we've been dating for 5 years now and the convo of engagement hasn't even come up yet...what do you want me to do? Because I can and I won't wait forever you know..."

I mean, the last one is a lil' over exaggerated, but, you get the point.

The biggest mistake we can make as guys is thinking that every thing is mashed potatoes and gravy, with the relationship stuck with no direction.

Here's the thing...

I feel we as guys need to communicate better because with that, we open up more doors for opportunities to grow together, or, grow apart. Mistakes will happen, I mean, sh*t, what relationship won't encounter some stumbles along the way? The goal is to push forward! Make sure you have a direction in which you want the two of you to go in. Have an understanding of self because as a man...if you don't have an understanding of self, there's no way you will be mentally ready to be the nigga/man/king whatever, for any female out here. Realize your mistakes, compromise, be HONEST not only with her but with yourself because if you're not honest with who you are...you think she'll take you seriously?

Nah, the answer to that is nah. Don't let the best thing slip away...because you wanna be a di**, trust me, I know.

@Renaissance_Brotha_

So I Have This Friend...Whose In a Situationship

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent*

Email from @UHateMe__JoinDaClub

Subject: U give advice…I need some

Hi Renaissance Man, my name is Jasmine and my bestie is in love with your lil blogs so I had to read one for myself and I will say, you got it goin on! They be long, but it covers a lot and I like that you kno what you talkin bout. So, basically I need advice because she said you good with the advice. Me and my man have been together, off and on tho (you kno how that be) for about 3 years now and I love him but I don't feel like we goin nowhere you kno what I mean? Like, he cheated, so I cheated. He be talking to other chicks on the gram, so I talk to other dudes on the gram, its only fair lol. But seriously, idk if you listen to Fab but he has this song called Situation ships and I feel that song fits him and me perfectly you know what I mean. So, if you could, could you help me out a lil, I would appreciate that or if you could. thank you renaissance man!!

So I Have This Friend…Whose In A Situationship

For those who are unaware of what a "situationship" is, ABetterBreedOfMan defines a "situationship" in two different ways...

1) a relationship where both parties argue on a constant basis and can't seem to find a common ground with their differences. You become used to each other after a period of time but you're unsure if things should end, stay as is, or change for the better. It's a "situation" that you KNOW needs to be dealt with more sooner than later, but, you're unsure of how to address the problems at hand.

2) something more than a friendship, with relationship like characteristics, but...without the title. So basically: you're having sex, you're going out on dates, you're getting to know each other, all that good stuff but...the two of you HAVE feelings for each other (and this is known) but, you're not together as boyfriend-girlfriend.

stupid, I know, but I digress...

We've all been in a "situationship" once or twice (some more than others) but this song helps to capture just WHAT a "sitatuinonship" truly is in every essence of it's title. For those who have never heard the song by Brooklyn rapper Fabolous, please take a minute to listen (Situationships) before you read the blog.

Done?

*class is in session*

So, you need advice, here it is...

"and all we do is fuck and argue/Yeah that's it, fuck and argue"

When I first heard this, I thought he was saying, "and all we do is fuckin argue/yea that's it, fuck AND argue," as some sort of play on words but I digress. Arguments usually come from a few different places:

A) misunderstanding
B) miscommunication
C) I was hurt by something you said and or did/didn't do

and so on and so forth. Whatever the reason may be, they always lead to sh** being said, that shouldn't have been said in the first place and you regretting whatever it was that you said in the heat of the moment. You're not thinking, you're mad, so, who cares if I hurt your feelings at the moment because all I wanna do is express how I feel and make YOU understand where I'M coming from. You're not responding from a place of understanding, 9/10 it's coming from a place of hurt and anger, so I'm not even thinking logically, I'm just responding and that's where that misunderstanding of the situation can lead to miscommunication. How might you ask? Because now someone is yelling!

You: "You mad over Instagram?"
Them: "No! I'm mad over how you CARRY yourself ON Instagram!"
You: "That makes no sen..."
Them: "NO, NO, BECAUSE I DON'T CARE! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME! ALL YOU DO IS FUCKING, BEAT AROUND THE BUSH AND NEVER LISTEN NOR SEE WHAT THE FUCK I BE SAYIN!!!"

An argument can go from 0-60 in no time when things get heated. Things get said...feelings are hurt...days go by...and now there's that awkwardness. What fixes arguments better than Dr. Phil and Iyanla? S-E-X! You're sorry and they're sorry, so, yall end all that with some sex! You remember what happened in Baby Boy: Yvette and Jody was yelling at each other in one scence, "I hate you...I hate you!", next scene... "Oh I love you! (insert moans and screams here)". Point being: arguments and sex go hand in hand...but does sex, ever truly solve anything? I'll get to that later...

"why have somebody lying with me every night/If they just gon be lying to me every night"

Shit ain't right...them long days gon turn into real awkward nights, trust me! Lying is one of the BIGGEST things we as people hate the most but tend to ignore or put on the back burner quite often when it comes to someone we love. Ya'll in bed talking and you ask your partner something that you KNOW they're gonna lie about but for some reason, you let it slide. If you're laying in the bed with a liar, not only is THAT person a liar, but it makes you an even bigger liar because: what was it that you told that person that you hated the most when ya'll first started talking? You hate, LIARS! "If there's one thing I despise the most: its liars!". I know what youre thinking, "well how am I a liar?" well,

1) you told that person you hate liars but you allow the lying to happen and check it half ass
2) how can you know a person is lying to your face and do not a damn thing about it?!? (that's like me robbing you with condom over a banana, and spray painting it black and saying...its a gun; sh** makes no sense!)
3) you're lying about how you feel! Oh, now y'all Eminem and Rihanna huh, you love the way they lie...f*** outta here! Lying to yourself about how you feel doesn't hurt that person, it hurts YOU ya dumbass!

You might be confused now, but I'll bring it together later...

"used to be lovers, now we, used to each other/keep accusing each other, of us, using the other/and what's crazy is, soon as you fall back they crawl back/saying they sorry and want it all back"

Shit ain't right...after awhile, you just become, used to each other. I put up with ya sh*t- because I love you. You come in late and don't say sh*t- because I've grown not to care. Oh, you don't care- well I don't care. After awhile, your partner becomes like, idk...your roommate and you only go to your roommate when you want/need something. That's when you begin to feel like you're being taken advantage of, used even and that's when, sh*t starts to hit the fan. You stop doing for that person, then you break up, and then it turns into, "this is my sorry fooorrr, 2000 (whatever) " or "I'm sorry babe, I, I just wanted to see if you would fight for me,"

Bruh!

***"titles ain't shit if the story don't match it/now you got a itch, looking for a way to scratch it/flirting online hoping shorty don't catch it"

I star this one because this is probably the biggest thing when it comes to "situationships": non-titled relationships. What this means is: you're with someone, you guys have sex, date, you've become friends, you know their friends, you've met the family, you post subliminal messages about each other on social networks, you've met the kids, basically, it's LIKE you're in a relationship but...neither one of you have decided on taking it to that next level. After awhile you'll want something after not wanting, kinda like the female who wants what you're eating, when her ass could've just ordered it her self. Never and I mean never should no male or female accept being in no, "oh i like you but I'm not looking for anything right now, just someone to kick it with and if things go to that level, ima wait for you to say it because that's not what I wanted in the first place and yes, we will have sex, but you can't be out here having me look stupid, f*cking other people, and if I love you, you have to love me the f*** back," kinda relationship. Why? Because if that person decides to, idk, entertain someone else, technically, you have no right to be mad (unless they blatantly lie to you about it). Now when you're in a relationship, at some point, you're gonna get that itch, and you're gonna wanna explore new options. Twitter, Instagram, and other social networking sites allow you to do just that but the problem with that is, now you gotta keep it on the down low like R. Kelly and don't get caught up, like R. Kelly, and get an asswhippin like, R. Kelly. Flirting online: is cool. Flirting online with the intention on doing something BEYOND just flirting: not cool. To be blunt as possible: stop allowing social networking sites to dictate how your relationship should look and stop allowing yourself to be in these situationships that only benefit you for the meantime; after 25 years old, it's about building into something greater than meaningless sex and matching Jordans...I'm thinking...marriage, kids, house, cars, joint accounts, relationship with the Lord, sex at basketball game.

"you tryna take back something you already said /that's like giving CPR to something already dead"
I'll be as frank as possible with this one: think before you speak because once those words leave out, maannn will, they, do, damage! Verbal abuse is so crazy in a relationship, like, it has the potential of f***ing someone up so bad for the next person and we as the abuser...don't even realize it. You can tell that person you adore them, love them, and all that mushy stuff but the moment, the very moment you say something that catches them off guard, that's totally left field, I mean something sooo hurtful; it's like everything you said PRIOR to that, has gone out the window. You ever burn a bridge and then realize...

how the f*** am I gonna get back across?!

You can't. I mean, you could, if and only if that person decides to send a boat (wants to make amends) and most times, they don't. Never burn a bridge before fully knowing if you're gonna need that same bridge to cross again in life. You know how hard it is to fully forgive someone who you love and trust so much after that same mouth that they just used to tell you they loved you with, rips you apart?!?! 

Bruh!

HOW I SEE IT IS...

*with regards to sex and arguments*
Sex after an argument is cool because that orgasm helps you relax but then what? You cum and those feelings that you have for that person a few minutes, hours, days, weeks ago are still there! Sex did nothing really if you take into consideration that in a few days or a week or so, you're still gonna argue about crap that already happened. My solution: thoroughly talk about what it is without yelling and over-talking. Don't cut each other off, don't dismiss, don't disregard what they're saying, and most importantly...listen AND hear where that person is coming from and think, before you speak.

*with regards to love, trust, & lying picture*
This is how we picture it:

I love you, so I trust you, and because I trust you, I expect you not to lie to me...

But, this is how it goes is:

I love you, I really do, but I don't trust you, so, I lie to you so you won't get(feel) hurt because of what I do(did) because I really do love you!

All of that sh*t is intertwined with each other...think about it.

Situationships my dear, don't work...ever! I say, have a face to face convo with your man and hash things out because if you don't, things will only get worse! Don't wait till its too late to realize that the person who's been riding with you for so long...will actually get out the car and help you fix that flat: let it marinate. Being with someone who is unsure of what you are and where you're going, isn't the person for you. If you need anymore advice, just let me know. Hopefully this song break down helped you.

@renaissance_brotha_

Thank Me Later, Take Care, Nothin Was The Same...

*The following content is for mature audiences only...viewer discretion is advised*

When it comes to sex…

Women, love, that, rough, sh*t! I mean, anything that will help the orgasm experience to be THAT much greater? Women are for it! Choking? During sex?! A win-win fellas. Now, I'm not saying choke the sh*t outta her like Ike did Tina...unless she's into that kinda thing, then, hey, do you but at least get a feel of what it is that she likes. I'm sure a lot of you men are reading this, struggle with "when and how to choke" but don't be alarmed; I'm here for you. So, grab a pen, some paper, and please, pay close attention…

*class is in session*

I am in no way shape or form some sort of sex-pert but I do know a little somethin somethin about what it is that females enjoy, when it comes to sex. First and foremost: women love dominance! Not just in how you carry yourself in the outside world but how that translates in the bedroom as well! They want a man who will take charge, sh*t, not just in the relationship but during sex as well! Submission! Women love to be submissive! Women don't want some ol' Harry Potter kinda dude, tellin them to take the d***! They want that 50 Shades of Grey kinda lovin! They wanna hear…

"Bend that ass over (slaps on ass)! Don't run, just take it!"

"I said touch me? Put your hands up there and don't move'em...matter fact, hold them legs!"

Not,

"What position you wanna do next?"
"Too fast babe, too fast I'm bout to cum...slow down."

#AintNobodyGotTimeForThat

There's an art into sex choking. First off, don't just grab the s*** outta her neck. Never should you just, grab her by the neck like she owe you money; be gentle, at first. Let me be the first to tell you: there's a big difference between coming across as being sexy and rough and coming across as a wrestler or a Lifetime movie rapist; don't rape the p***y my man. Don't rag doll the p****! A lot of you men get in the p**** and go ape sh*t right off the back and think that's that s*** that will satisfy her; wrong. You think just grabbing her by her neck and shoving your penis in her, it'll get her wet??? It won't, it'll hurt...or maybe she'll like it...point is: take it easy mon! Yes, you DO wanna grab her neck with your hand(s), BUT, while doing so, use your thumb AND your fingers and squeeze (do it from the side more so than the front because she'll end up choking if you press too hard). Now of course you can adjust depending on how she likes it, but don't go over the top right out the gate. If you're having a hard time deciding, read her body.

*a woman's body will tell you all you need to know other than her verbalizing it when, it comes to bedroom activities*

Women love that passionate sh*t but they also love that rough sh*t as well. Try kissing her and have one hand on her ass and the other around her neck. Or, you can have one hand around neck, and whisper some s*** in her ear like,

"You gon let me taste you right? Take them panties off..so you can feed me…"

I love doing that sh*t Women love that s***!
Once you've gotten how to choke her down pact, try moves like…

Grippin Grain:
Lay her down on her back. Whisper in her ear (I say this because it's good to paint a picture...women love pictures). Kiss her from her ears, to her neck, to her shoulders, to the middle of her chest, to her breast, to her nipples (spend a lil time there), down her stomach, and as your doing that, run your fingers around her clit and the inside of her lips, and crawl your fingers up her stomach to her nipples, fondle them, then up to her neck, and now you should be eating her...while choking her at the same time, but lightly. Its like, grippin the steering wheel: not too hard and not to light either. If you want: eat her out and keep one hand around her neck and the other on her breast or run your fingers around her mouth, let her suck on them. If you can't do that, try this…

The Ike;
Ladies (claps hands) love (claps hands) that (claps hands) rough (claps hands) s*** (claps hands, claps hands)! When is the last time you f***ed her against a wall? Probably never or in a real long time but no worries; Ike Turner her ass. Sometimes you just gotta grab her ass up, kiss her, and just f**k her like a porn star...women love to be porn stars for their men! Remember how Ike had Tina against the fish tank? Well, that was rape but what you wanna do is pin her ass up against a wall or turn her around and slide it in slow, kiss on her while you're doing it and...just stroke. I would say, stroke for a few minutes, with your hands placed around her waist (if it's from the back) or on her breast (if its from the front and she's at an angle). Now you increase the speed but I want you to go harder, this way, things can begin to intensify. Talk to her too,

"how does the d*** feel,"

"are you enjoying the d***,"

"oh, you like that huh,"

"who else you f***in,"

"I told you stop wit all those ass selfies on IG, didn't I...didn't I,"

"when you making that lasagna again,"

s*** like that. Now, gently wrap your hand around her neck and look in her eyes (it she's facing you) or have her look back at you, as you're stroking her deeper and deeper. If she cums, hell, tell her to lick it off your d***...make her choke on the d*** (another great form of choking).

*Arch Your Back, Point Your Toes:
I put a star next to this one because it's…pretty damn important.

You see how you had her laying down, while eating her out, and then you switched to having her against the wall…now you wanna bend her ass the f*** over…and go deep! Its all about - tran-si-tions. For this position: you wanna have her bend over, arch her back, and make sure you go down and taste it, before you slide in…real men eat it before they beat it Start off stroking at a normal speed. You wanna gradually build up your speed and make the strokes deeper and long and harder. 8/10, she'll be off in her own world thinking about me for Valentines Day how good it feels. Now, you wanna pick up the speed a lil more and grab her hair (if she has none or isn't a fan of it, bypass). As you're doing that, you can either:

A) slap her ass, at the same damn time
B) grip her by the waist, at the same damn time
C) play with her breast, at the same damn time

D) grab her by the shoulder and thrust harder

take you pick.

Whichever you decide, just make sure multiple actions are going on. Now, move your way from her hair to her neck. I say, grip by the waist and just f*** her harder...and harder...and harder, while applying some pressure around her neck. If you wanted them Jordans or to go to strip club and she was against it before, this would be the BEST time to ask,

You: "you gon get them Jordans right...right!?!"
Her: "oooooo, size 8, size 8! Yes baby, YES!"
You: "and, I'm, goin, to, the, CLUB, too (as you give it to her harder)!"
Her: "daddy do what you want! Take my car if you want, s***!"

The point is…give her that d*** like you playing for the NBA Championship; that LeBron James d***!

And last but not least,

Missionary Press:
F*** all that, letting her get a rest sh*t! You really wanna make her have an "outer body experience"? Tell her to switch positions and lay down on her back, eat her out for a few minutes, tease her, and then...slide in, gently. F*** her...and f*** her some more...f*** her harder, and in the midst of all this, put both hands around her neck. You don't wanna squeeze too tight just yet, you wanna ease your way into it. As you're grippin her neck, talk dirty to her (I'll let you decide upon what to say) and just start stroking harder and harder. Make sure to loosen the grip up here and there but make sure some pressure is around her neck...shuttin her ass up! If you want, hold one of her legs up to your shoulder and angle yourself inward, while maintaining the pressure on her neck. The thrusting from that d*** and the neck pressure - *yasssss*

Have her look at YOU while you f***ing her! Make her spread them legs and if she if she drop 'em, you go HARDER!

Fellas, the idea isn't to choke her every damn time you have sex, sex choking is reserved for when you have lil arguments or when you feeling extra frisky. She start to talking about what she seen on IG…you run up on her, and say,

"listen b****, take them panties the f*** off and bend over…wait, wait, lick this d*** first!"

Wanna show her you care, choke her. That timid sh*t is for the weak when it comes to sex. If you been giving her the D for a long time and eating it and she can't cum, you choking her MIGHT be the key to her going to that next level...

All in all, you need to give her that Drake album experience

Leave her So Far Gone, then tell her Thank Me Later and to Take Care, and I promise you…Nothin Was The Same!

@renaissance_brotha_

Genesis Rose

Gotcha!

First off, if I was having a child, you (meaning those of you that follow me on Instagram and other social networking sites) would KNOW! I mean, sh*t, I would post the woman I'm with and more than likely get a video or a pic of her throwing up, why? Because I can't WAIT to be a damn father but for now…

I'm just uncle Anfny.

So, to all those that unfollowed me but will still read this because you will be notified via email and the ones that texted, emailed, called, KiK, etc etc…

keep calm: I'm short, chocolate, and nobody want my ass and

I'm not having a child till I obtain my masters.

But, I digress

*class is in session*

One of the most greatest moments and probably most nerve wracking feelings we as men will ever experience in our lives, outside of marriage of course, is the moment she says, "babe…I'm pregnant!". On the flip side of that, now we have to deal with this bitch woman, who will take us thru more ups and downs and loopty loops than a damn roller coaster! That nine months, man, I'm sure it feels like 9 decades for some men! Ugh, not to mention all the food she gon eat, "babe, go get me ugggrraaghmm: Big Mac, with a large fry, a 10 piece nugget, 2 McChickens with bacon and extra Mac sauce, and a ginger ale…and don't forget the sweet and sour sauce bae!". Bruh! On a serious note, I think becoming a parent is one of the greatest experiences in the world! I remember being in the delivery room with my homegirl and her husband and just being able to experience the birth of her daughter and the months afterwards, being able to bond and watch her grow; incredible. It was at THAT point in time I KNEW I wanted to be a father. She would lay on my chest and just fall asleep so peacefully, I mean, i literally had to get into a habit of not allowing her to fall asleep. I watched her grow…I watched her laugh…I watched her cry…I watched her ride her first bike…I watched her potty train…I watched her slap her first ever "BF" when he threw her cookies into the lake on her birthday…I watched her lay in the hospital bed, helpless…I watched her die. My homegirl and her daughter was killed because of her abusive husband, For the life of me, I still can't get over it, but it's something I've come to terms with. She's the reason why I want a daughter.

I never wanted to be a father, partly because mine sucked so much, I mean hell, I didn't even want kids at all! I started working for this great organization by the name of City Year and it helped me change my perspective on wanting kids. I was able to HELP kids from the same community I grew up in as a child. Then, my brother called me and was like, "so, you're gonna be an uncle…make sure he gets Jordans.". My nephew came and it was literally one of the greatest feelings in the world! Then, years later, my sister calls and says, "hey lil big bro…you're gonna be an uncle again!" only to find out that, but of course…she was expecting a boy! When I tell you I prayed for her to have a girl, mannn, I was literally in church praying and all that b, it just didn't work.

I may not be the best uncle, but I love my nephews. I look at those lil boys and I see everything that life has to offer. I see that…they are the future. I see love, I see promise. 

I remember seeing a text like, "babe, I think I might be pregnant," and how happy I felt in that computer room at the school I was working in. I read that text for 20 mins straight…with my glasses…without my glasses…sh*t, I think I even cried a lil. Fast forward- she found out she most definitely was and then it turned into, "how we gon support this child?". I literally walked around for hours thinking of ways to support my future son and or daughter:

"Ima sell some d***!"

"Ima sell drugs AND di**!"

"Nah, ima become a stripper, THIS way, I can spend the mornings and afternoons with my seed!"

"Teacher?! Yea…I think ima do that!"

So, in the midst of all that, I figured out that I did want to teach and that having children…was gonna be a hard task!

We…we literally talked for hours and landed on that not having the baby, was the right thing to do; saddest moment (one of them) in my life. I loved Re…I loved my ex, she would've made a great mother but unfortunately things didn't pan out. 

I see a lot of my friends and family having kids and getting married and all that and I'm happy but a part of me wants that, as a man…I want that. After becoming an uncle to two boys, I knew a daughter was what I was gonna end up with somewhere down the line. I saw that happening with my last GF. We always talked about baby names and how we would raise our children and a lot of that sounded good, but, she's there and…I'm here. A lot of men won't tell you that they can see themselves spending the night with a woman let alone their entire life, but I saw my life with her. All the p****, all the THOTs, all the money, all the clothes, all the Instagram likes, all the degrees, won't keep you warm at night as a man. You get older and realize…I really am gonna need someone to spend my life with. 

Having a boy would've been easy work,  but a girl…that would be a challenge! First BF, first heartbreak, first school dance, first time having sex, college, drugs, sports, to suck d*** or not to suck d***, what would I do if she liked females instead of men, I mean, that list goes on and on and on. I never had the the opportunity to be a big brother, mainly because my sister and I have the same mother but different fathers and that was just an issue altogether and by the time I was able to be a big brother…she was taller than me and a damn teenager. I know how ima raise my daughter:

First off, I'm not even sure I want the mother to be involved! A lot of you might laugh at that and say I'm wrong but I'm dead ass lol. Daddy's Girl w/ Gab Union and Idris: the best example of what life would be like for me…minus all that drama and hardships. I want Tyler Perry to produce that sh*t b, so Tyler, if you're reading this, holla at me bro! But seriously, I want to be everything my father wasn't and my mother couldn't be because of her passing away so young. Be at the games cheering…be the shoulder she cries on and the driver and assassin when lil Johnny breaks her heart…the one who picks her up when she falls off the bike…the one who combs her hair and gives her crazy ass ponytails…the one she confines in and puts her trust in…the one she loves more than anything and anybody in the world. She would be sassy, but smart. Humble, but will "turn it the f*** up when sh*t get crazyyyy!". Cultured, understanding, loving, caring, all that Hallmark sh*t, but will know that life isn't always blue skies, green grass, and sunny days; sh*t can get Flavor Flav ugly in a heartbeat! Most importantly: she would want for nothing!

The name Genesis, to me at least, it just sounds refreshing, calming and just so happens to mean "beginning". We all want that "new beginning" or to start over and in my head, having a child allows us to get a second chance on life, in a sense. It's also the name of the housing complex I grew up in, in Brooklyn and the last days where my mother spent her life. Rose is my mother's middle name and I felt like Velda (my mother's first name) was old as sh*t to be naming a child in 20-whatever. You combine the two and BAM: Genesis Rose.

I pray I'm a good father. I pray my daughter loves me unconditionally. I pray she never has to experience struggle in her life. I pray I live to have a daughter. I pray I am closer to God when I have my daughter. I pray I find a woman who will accept me, understand me for the man I am…and is willing to spend forever and a day with me. I pray my daughter never loves a man like I once was…

@renaissance_brotha_

Make It Nasty

*Warning: the following content is intended for MATURE audiences only*

*Viewers discretion is advised* 

It's almost 2014 and men are STILL acting like pleasuring a woman down below is the equivalent to catching cooties! Fellas, I understand you don't want to be clowned by your homeboys but what you really don't want is one OF your homeboys doing some sh*t you ain't have the time for: e.g. eating your woman out. If you think, RIGHT NOW, some dude on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram, ain't pressuring your woman, to let him come over or vice versa, so he can watch Redbox movies eat your woman's vagina...you are sadly mistaken.

Maybe it's because you still ain't learn from Eat One, Teach One, pt. 1 or maybe it's because you're stuck on stupid or maybe it's because you're more concerned with your NBA/NFL fantasy team, to even bother with going down town and sending your woman to work happier than a kid on Christmas! Whatever your rationale is, I assure you, THIS piece right here, will help you out come sex time...period.

*class is in session*

The idea of part 2 is to make sure you as man, do everything in your powers, to insure a night/morning/afternoon of pure bliss...

and just be a down right freak!!!

Listen, if you're a family member or anything else along those lines...cut your loses now, stop reading, and get ready for Scandal

...because I'm bout to say some sh*t, that'll f*** your perception of me.

Eat It From The Back:

A lot of men are afraid to eat it from the back because the anus is pretty much RIGHT, THERE! Listen, if you're an adult, you should KNOW where that hole is; so don't get behind her and lick all crazy or 8/10 your tongue WILL enter that hole. There isn't a woman alive who doesn't like her p**** ate from the back! Here's what you do fellas: have her come over to you and say some sh*t like, "damn babe, your butt looks bigger (smaller), what you been doing?". This will prompt her to turn around and have her ass in your face. Now, unless she's on her period, I say, just do some sneak sh*t like, idk, start pulling down her- whatever she's wearing and start kissing her ass...men like kissing ass. Bend her over, gently, and if she's wearing panties, pull them suckas to the side, if not, just stick your tongue in, slowwwly. The spontaneity mixed with the pleasure will not only have have her wet, but, cummin' like crazy! Tell her to look back at you while you're eating it...women love lookin' back at it. Your goal is to make sure your sucking on those lips and licking that clit, like it's a cup or pudding or jell-o or whatever it is, that you like.

Let Her Ride Your Face:

This is my personal favorite, why? Because there's nothing like a woman who THINKS she's in control when in reality...she isn't. Some men don't like this sh*t but will two-step they ass out the shower and Electric Slide their penis, into the mouth of their sleeping partner. Aside from rocking a beard; a woman's vagina is one of the sexiest things a man could have on his face. Y'all chillen', layin' around and she get that "itch", don't go down to her, tell her to come up to you! Whisper in her ear, "bae, put that p****, on my face! (Kevin Hart voice)". You know how quick she'll hop on your face? The goal is to make sure she's relaxed, why? Because if she's stiff, her weight will f*** things up and if you thought Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown ass ain't no know how to breathe with no air...yo ass will surely soon find out! Take your time tho. Grab her ass, palm it, smack it, grab her breast, hell, rub your fingers over her wetness, dip'em in your mouth, and play with her nipples, while grabbing on her ass, while eating her out, AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! Your goal is to make her cum so you can slurp all them juices out and if that don't work...

Use a Toy:

Some of you dudes will read this and think, "yo that's gay!". Everything ain't for everybody, I understand that. I also understand that, sometimes, you gotta do a lil' extra and be willing to spice sh*t up. You know how that white guy was looking for something to make his "party pop off" in that Beats Blue Pill commercial? Same applies to sex: use one of her toys (or suggest that she buy one), so that y'all "party" pops off! You can use a dildo, rabbit, or a vibrator to help assist you eat the p****, pick your poison. I'm not telling you to use this as a crutch nor am I suggesting you use one on every girl your encounter (unless they all happen to like that s***) nor am I suggesting that YOU BUY ONE but if you have a long time GF or you're married, I say: fu** it, throw ambition to the wind and get it poppin! If you use a vibrator for instance: allow the vibrator to stimulate her clit, while your tongue, works her insides. A dildo can be used to penetrate her WHILE you work on her clit. Lastly, a rabbit...a rabbit usually has dual capabilities, so, the two of you (toy and tongue) can switch off periodically. Hell, you can even let her suck on the dildo, if you want or "toss her salad" and let the dildo penetrate her vagina and speaking of "tossin her salad"...

Lamborghini Her Doors:

You know how the doors go up on a Lamborghini, that's how her legs should go up when you're tossing her salad. I know y'all like, "whaaatttt!?!?" but let me tell you:

she (claps hands) will (claps hands) go (claps hands) f***in (claps hands) crazy (claps hands) when you stick (claps hands) your (claps hands) tongue (claps hands) in her ass!

It's not for everybody, I understand that. Some women enjoy it, not all the time...but they enjoy it. Before you even consider doing it men:

MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS CLEAN!

(same goes for the kitty cat)

I'm not an ass eating specialist but I know if you start eating her out and wet your index finger up and slide it in her "tunnel of love" and then roll your tongue upwards and then use two other fingers to pleasure her...s**t will get real!

Get on Your Knees:

"You got a job, you got degrees/but so wat playa, get on yo kneeeess!" (In my Khia voice...you know, the chick from "My Neck, My Back").

Ima keep it alll the way real on this one: when you're on your knees and she's just looking at you, look her dead in the eye and keep doing what you're doing! Women love to have a submissive (and aggressive) guy when it comes down to sex. The submissiveness comes from you being on your knees, giving her all your attention. The aggressiveness comes from when your eating her and talking sh*t to her at the same time,

"You like that shit right?!"

"Hold dem legs, HOLD DEM LEGS!"

"Put ya hand on the back of my head!"

"Push me deeper in that s***!"

You know, shit like that. Women like when you take charge fellas. The goal is to make her cum to the point where her legs shake and she's just cursing you out,

"You ain't shit, you know that!! I was suppose to go out to the club!"

Oh no b****, you ain't goin nowhere!

Not all men are into eating p**** but to the ones who are; I salute you! Now that I think about it, some of you dudes need to read this one and part 1 because you might THINK you're doing something...but you're not. If you expect a woman to put her mouth...on and or around your penis, you should most definitely, put your tongue and lips...in and or around her vagina. The key is to keep her thinking, "is he going suck for x amount mins? Is he gonna lick my clit in circles or up and down?". Keep her on her toes! Use them fingers and spread them lips apart while you let her suck on your other fingers. Suck on her clit, but not too hard. Mix up your licking speeds. Nibble on her clit as well, but make sure you don't Vampire Diaries/True Blood her p****! Make, love, to, her, vagina, fellas; she'll appreciate it, as well as her vagina. Pin her ass on the bed and put her legs back and start from her naval and work your way down...

Never mind.

@renaissance_brotha_