S.I.N.G.L.E.

Me: being single is cool, like, I don't have to worry abo...
Friend: like what?
Me: cheating, the difference between being loyal and being faithful, ordering extra food because I know 1 in 3 women are greedy and will reach over to your plate and grab some of what you're eating, hair care products..
Friend: really Anthony...hair care products tho
Me: yup, I have a fear of my hair LeBron'ing
Friend: but I mean, do...
Me: don't get me wrong, I love having someone and building and all that but times have changed. the landscape of dating has changed soo much you know
Friend: you're picky...that's what that is
Me: nah b, I have standards, like, I told you this, my d*** has standards!
Friend: or maybe you're a d***, WITH standards
Me: you could be right...

Times, have changed. The way we date/court, have changed. Our perspective on relationships and marriages have changed...and not so much for the better. I guess, when you have "your sh*t together" and you're single, it tends to raise eyebrows especially since nowadays everybody is so guarded against any and every thing that may or may not happen or their "fall back game" is too strong.

For me, I get looked at funny or it's always some melo dramatic ass question-based-statement with a backhanded compliment that follows when I state that I'm single,

"omg, seriously, you're single? why!? you seem like the perfect catch, well, not perfect because you're short but you're handsome, but you get what I'm tryna say."

And because answering sarcastically usually renders THIS, as a response

So, being the gentleman that I am, I usually answer,

"Yup, I'm single, like a dollar bill in a stripper's ass!"

But seriously, who knows why I'm single...maybe I didn't forward enough chain letters, maybe it's because I was anti-veggies as a child...all that matters is that I'm completely open to the idea of building with someone who is ready and willing to do just that...

but are you?

*class is in session*

How many times have we settled for that person who showed the most interest at the time but later regretted the decision because he/she turned out like the last one? A lot of hands should be up right about now! We often ignore the red flags deal breakers, and nonnegotiables because those few months are so, blissful! After the "honeymoon" phase is over, all those things we ignored in the beginning start to annoy us more and more as the relationship begins to take shape. Well, I'm here to tell you that; I ain't wit the sh**, because...

I'd rather be single than be with someone who’s only interested in what I can do for them, instead of what we can do for each other...

Nowadays, people only give a f*** about themselves...ok, maybe that's always been the case, but if you're single, you're either:

A) looking for love
B) not interested (working on you...blah blah blah)
C) guarded because you've been hurt
D) still caught up over your ex
E) entertaining someone until someone better comes along/filling a void

...or maybe none of those apply to you but whatever your situation is: stay the f*** away from me if you're only interested in what I can bring to the table and/or what I already have at the table! It's cool to want somebody because they look good or like someone because they have money/own car/crib but what else interests you? That whole, "a bond is better than a title," bullsh** is aight but what good is forming a bond, if we aren't building into something greater? If we aren't building a friendship foundation that transitions into a relationship- I'm not interested. I'm not saying we have to be the best of friends because we'll develop into besties as the relationships progresses but man, I mean, at least let us be able to have some sort of connection first! Let's build, let's learn from each other/about each, let's form a real connection; f*** the, "we do take great pics together," or "my ex is playing games at the moment so let me entertain you till they get it together," type sh**! F*** do I care about getting into a meaningless ass relationship with you, if you're not about progression? I can give you the sun, moon, stars, and orgasms but, if you're more concerned with dinner dates that you can post on Instagram or trips where you can pop bottles, gifts, and turnin up, well...

I’d rather be single than settle down with someone who I couldn't see myself being faithful to...

On paper, they might sound like a good catch but the moment it's an one on one interaction...the energy...the vibe, just ain't there. Monogamy isn't natural. I feel people say and use that as an excuse to be unfaithful to people that they had no plans on being faithful to. I do feel however, when it comes to relationships:

• communication is key
• sex is a stress reliever
• trust is the foundation
• honesty is the glue

With that being said: if you know you're a person that likes to have sex with this one on Monday, your ex on Tuesday, a random on Thursday, or you're emotionally not over your ex or you're in no position to entertain someone (at the moment)- remain single. Temptation, is, a, motherf***a...I get it, but karma is a completely different motherf***a who you will have to deal with in some damn way, shape, or form! If you have to question yourself about whether or not being faithful is something you can commitment to being- don't put yourself in the situation. I don't wanna hear, "it's easier said than done," because that's nothing more than a phrase you've conditioned yourself into believing! I know the following is dumb but it is also rhetorical but: why would you wanna cheat on someone who you knew from jump, you didn't wanna be with...when you could literally, and I mean LITERALLY, have sex with damn near anybody you wanted to...while single...

I’d rather be single than get into a relationship that doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell, developing into something serious...

I'm not interested in wasting my TIME because it's too valuable. I'm not interested in wasting my ENERGY because I'm quite sure someone else will be more deserving and appreciate it. More importantly, I'm not about wasting my AFFECTION, on someone who shows me they're not even interested because if I fall for you and you do some corny s***...I'm getting you fired from your job and I'm hiring a homeless man to follow you every damn where you go who sings jingles; try me! I don't care how incredibly attractive you are or how solid your sex resume is because that does little for US in the long run! Let me know if you want a friends with benefits type relationship. Let me know if you just want someone who you can talk to and kick it with. Let (hand clap) me (hand clap) know (hand clap, hand clap)! Ice cream sounds good on a hot summer's day right? Well so does a relationship, for the hopeless romantic and for those who don't care sh*t about romance and just want a nut- it sounds like a burden. All I'm saying is: give me a say in the matter and don't lead me on and have me thinking one thing, when it's completely the opposite. At some point, all that fake interest is only gonna get you hurt in the long run (mentally and possibly physically) and I ain't got the time, energy, nor affection for the fake ssh**- that's the real TEA!

I’d rather be single than get serious with someone who lacks qualities like drive, ambition and compassion...

I just can't see myself building with someone who doesn't see more for themselves. At least Martin had a dream, some of y'all only have "get rich quick schemes" or you're waiting on your parents to die, so you can collect that life insurance money or you're waiting around for your dream career to knock at that damn door so you can be like...

...and ain't nobody got time for that biiihhhhh! I need to know that if you lost everything you had right now, do you have it in you to get it all back!? Now, of course if we're together, I'm gonna be there for you, but I wanna know do YOU, have it in you! I want someone who is attractive- I need someone who compliments me...and when I say "compliment, I don't mean someone that tells me I look good in a red cardigan because I know that already. I want someone who knows what it means to hustle- I need someone who has drive to get it by any means. Confidence is great, but ambition speaks from the very depth of who you are! Are you headed in the right direction? Do you have understanding of self...understanding of who I am...what we could be? Do you trust me to be the person I say I am/show you to be, hell, do you trust yourself? Are you willing to communicate your wants, needs, concerns, through all the ups and downs? Are you willing to be honest to not only me but to yourself? Well, if you find those things difficult, then I'm not the one for you.

I rather be single than deal with someone who isn't fully over their ex...

I know and you know that you aren't fully over your ex, I mean,


f**k outta here wit that bs! But seriously tho, if you still have any feelings left for your ex, then you and I can't be. How can you entertain a potential future with me, while you're ex is still very present? You're looking for me to help mend your broken heart but you're allowing this guy over here play battle ship with the pieces? In a way, now that I think about it...if you're fu**ing around with your ex and you fu**ing around with me...I mean, by default, I'm...I'm the side (BBM shocked face)! Now, I can pretend that I won't be hurt if you decided to let him eat your booty like groceries but even Maury knows what time it is...


I can take you to Paris, buy you diamonds, massage you from head to toe every other night, take you to see Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill in concert, I mean, hell, we can even role play and dress up like them and if you want...you can get your friend with the big breast and chubby stomach to dress up as Nicki's ex...ok, nevermind...

I can cook for you, d*** you down on reg, hell, I can even eat your booty like groceries, but if you're still involved with your ex, and I mean even in the slightest fashion...that's a game I won't even win, sh**, won't even place in. How can I have your heart, when ol boy still has the key to it?

Let that marinate...

I would love to wake up next to my queen every single day, for the rest of my life and tell her how her breath smells like police corruption and billy goat sh**. I want love. I want someone to call my own, just like I'm sure many of you want as well but these situationships, textships, and having a fallback game soooo strong isn't healthy...I don't care what you tell me- it ain't healthy! Do you really see yourself waking up to the smell of our cat's sh** coming from the bathroom? Do you really see yourself having brunch, every single Sunday after church by yourself? If you're not ready to commit to be in a relationship, don't waste anyone's time and definitely don't lead someone on because more than likely the end result won't end well. Get yourself together before you even consider having someone come into your life. Also, stop looking at what someone else is offering and make sure you can offer what it is that you're looking for and then some! F*** does it matter if that person can give you loyalty when you can't respect him/her. F*** does it matter if they're gonna be faithful while you're out and about cheating. F*** does it matter if they can see a future with you and you're still in the past, trying to piece together a relationship that went wrong. Remain, single, until, you're, completely, ready, to, invest! I mean,

sh**, I'm not gettin laid either!

Before I forget...

red flags...sh*t that makes your eyebrows raise, but you often times ignore
- example: when you ask a question, he/she usually answers "some" of it and says something like, "it don't mater babe, that was a long time ago..." and that sh*t matters like cops killing unarmed Black men!

dealbreakers...something you tend to bend on, but you know it aint/wont be cool later down the line.
- example: showing up late to dates...constantly.

nonnegotiables...sh** that ain't cool, and should be checked when it happens
- example: smoking...not weed, but cigs.


*class dismissed*

any comments, questions, concerns you may have...leave below or shoot me an email: brotharenaissance@gmail.com

@renaissance_brotha_

I'm Sorry But...You're Marrying The Wrong Guy

Now, it's rare that I touch on matters of the heart when it comes to us (men) and how we tend to deal with heartache and anything else associated with it. It's one of those things that we try not to talk about, for we fear how we'll be perceived by others; so fu** it- we keep our feelings/emotions ourselves. I'm not sure how many men will openly admit to this, but I know the following statement is something I can personally identify with: it's hard living with the fact, that the woman you saw yourself spending the rest of your life with...has moved on to spend her life with someone else.

*gasp*

I've dealt with it. It's not hard to admit now, but before that wasn't the case. It's a surreal feeling:

one minute you're planning out the day you wanna propose and how that's gonna look, who you wanna invite to the baby shower, living arrangements, sex hours once she's prego (not in that order), and the next min...you find yourself trying to piece your life back together.

You ever feel like the last person took every single bit of you: mentally and emotionally? Well, imagine doing that while in a relationship. "You don't know what you got till its gone," is what they say but what happens if you knew exactly what you had, but you didn't know how to hold on to it? You don't have your sh** together. You're still dealing with baggage from the last relationship. You struggle with insecurities and sometimes those insecurities run so deep within you, that you begin to question why the person is even with you! Each and everyone one of us deals with something that can potentially hinder us from moving forward.

We as men might not never, ever outwardly admit it, but there's that one woman who we feel is/was the ONE for us, who got away for whatever reason. Sh** happens. Life happens. And sometimes s*** happens in life, that can either makes us or breaks us! I've learned that in order for life to make us better, we have to break:

• break away from bad habits/old ways

• break down emotional and mentally (yes, crying cleanses the soul)

• break away from those with bad intentions or who seek to hinder our progression

So, in order for life to "make us better," we must first be broken down and rebuild from the breakage!

All of what you're about to read is 110% authentic and true from the heart. If it feels like I'm taking directly to you, I am. Read this piece as if you and I are having a one on one convo. Read this piece with an open heart and mind. For all the men who can identify with losing that "one"- this is for you. To all the ladies- enjoy. To the ex, who has moved on and is happy, I'm sorry but

...you're marrying the wrong guy.

*class is in session*

I know you're reading this. I know that because I know you. I've had a lot of time to myself since the break up. I mean, it's been years and I've tried to move on but for some reason I couldn't because every single thing reminded me of you! We've had a few convos but eh. The reason why I couldn't move on is because I never was honest with myself about why we broke up. I was a di**. I'm not saying I was a complete d*** the entire time we were together but as the roller coaster stopped peaking, I became a different man. That night I came to you on your birthday ,the year you were set to move- I meant every word. See, I thought...well, never mind, here's the truth:

WHAT I THOUGHT WAS...

(N)ope..."my pride won't let me admit as a man that I f**ked up. I'm sure I'll regret this one day but right now, RIGHT NOW!? I can't admit that I'm hurt because you're deciding to finally leave..."

THE HARSH REALITY...

As a man, we think and/or say that to ourselves or to our partner once the relationship is coming to an end. All those times we put pride over you and not fully understanding the impact it will have on the relationship over a period of time- will f*** us up something serious. When you would call/text? My pride declined/ignored. You wanted to talk face to face? I'm prideful, I'm nonchalant, I'm dismissive, or sarcastic to the point nothing gets resolved. "Babe, maybe we should go see somebody about us..." But I think we should f*** and get over it. All those times when I should've said sorry or you're right, or apologized? Eh, instead it was,

"f*** you! Ok... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, just- you just make me so angry that I can't control my anger!"

Now all those times have led us here; me here and you there...with someone else. All those times I said,

"If you don't like the way I act or treat you, why you with me, huh?! Because I'm not holding you hostage you know, you can always find someone else!"

Those words...I meant them within the moment but not overall. One can only be hurt but so much and I guess you knew something I didn't. All those damn arguments and where did it get us, huh? Well, you knew. You knew and you gave me chance after chance to correct myself, not for the betterment of myself, but for the betterment of us. Thing about it is...I loved my pride a little more than you and ironically, that same pride is what destroyed us. 

WHAT I KNOW NOW...

Pride kills and hinders, so kill the pride or you'll hinder your heart and the person you give it to. 

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID...

(Y)ou.. "wanna talk every single time there's an issue and I just don't feel it's important to discuss the little sh**! I been working on things you say you have a problem with but I swear you don't do the same sh*t! STOP WIT THE F***IN BIT**IN AND GET YA SH** TOGETHER OR IM OUT!"

HARSH REALITY

I found it hard to talk to you. Nothing you did honestly, just, I held onto a lot of what I say my parents go thru growing up. Now, I won't make excuses or give you some bullsh** ass justification- we as men just suck when it comes to things like that. Those first couple of years of the relationship are tough grounds when it comes to communicating our issues. For women, it's second nature. How can I admit that I'm wrong or I've mistreated you as a man, without looking/sounding like a bi***? That's my truth. I rationalized as: if I admit that I'm wrong, if I express how I really feel...I'm gonna come across like I'm soft! Once again, that last sentence is a clear example of me having too much pride! Learning how to communicate when there's a problem starts at home when you're young. For some of us, we were never taught to express ourselves especially as boys. Your father didn't wanna hear that crying s***!

"Man up! Stop with that crying, you sound like a little girl!"

If we've experienced getting cut off while we're trying to express ourselves- we shut down. When the convo goes from: inside voice to outside voice- we tune you out. If these things (and more) continuously happen, we'll become uncomfortable and shut down or react in an irrational manner. When it comes to insecurities, those can stem from: a past friendship/relationship, the loss of a parent, not having a parent around, or maybe it's a generational curse.

"I don't know how to communicate to you because my mother/father didn't do that with me," lies true with a lot men.

My pops didn't (verbally) communicate to me...he whipped my ass. My mother did her best but she died right before I could actually learn something of value from her and my step moms did her best but...bless her heart. Life's experiences taught me how to better communicate.

There were times I would come to you and say, "I don't like it when you do this or that," or "I hate it that you accuse me of yada yada and it's not even true," and you would turn around and say, "ok babe, I'll work on it." And you did work on it but...I was blind to the fact that you were making an attempt to change for the betterment of us because all I would do is bring up old sh** and make it relevant again. So, like a d***, I would continuously point out the little sh** and make it bigger than it really was. You wanted for me to acknowledge the fact that you're taking steps to make things right and all I did was find a way to discredit you. How can one see the good in a person, when you don't see the good they do? Read that one more time. You changed for us, but I changed us...for the worse. 

WHAT I KNOW NOW... 

Communication is key. Too many times we as men use the excuse of "not being good at communicating our feelings," but are quick to communicate when we want sex- funny how that works. Knowing how to communicate effectively, cuts down on misunderstandings and mistreatment within the relationship. I should've came to you more to ease the tension amongst us. I should've expressed, how I felt all those times you cried about me not understanding the strain I was putting on the relationship. I should've talked more...

WHAT I'VE SAID

(L)ove... "you? How can you think I don't love you, sh** I love you more than I love my damn self! I f*** up, I can admit that but don't say I don't love you because I do..."

We as men will play these games and get to the end of playing them to only realize we were losing all along.

I took your love for granted- "nah, she ain't goin nowhere bro, I got this!"

I manipulated you- "If you don't like the things I say or do then why you with me to begin with! You think someone is gonna put up with that kid sh** you do?!"

...but what I really meant was,

"if you don't like what I say or do then leave because I'm not about to kiss your ass but if you do leave then ima make you feel bad about that sh** every second, minute, hour, day you're away!"

I alienated you within the relationship- "ok, you lettin me stay with you and I appreciate that but I don't feel the need to talk to you all the damn time! We been together how long now...what else is there to talk about if you text me all day! Sh** is annoying...I'll talk to you when I feel like it."

I threatened to leave. I disrespected you. But through all that, I had the audacity to turn around and say, "I love you." You grew tired of that sh**, like most women do but you stayed because you didn't know what else was out there for you because all you knew was me...

till you left.

I knew how much you loved me and how much it hurt to see me begging for that chance but you needed to do something for you, for once.

There...there were times who you cried yourself to sleep and me wrapping my arm around you just didn't work. Who cares that I cooked for you, when the night before I put you through hell! I never did or said anything to maliciously hurt you, I hope you understand. 

THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS...

(E)ternally...I'm grateful because you've helped me become a better man...

We all have that "one" that we see ourselves settling down with. We are gonna make mistakes, I guess that's in the nature of being a man. I thought the love you had for a person ended when you no longer had that person but...I was wrong. I wasn't honest with myself because for the longest time, I never let go of my mother promising to love me forever and never leaving so much so I placed those burdens on our relationship. I always thought you would leave me like she did so I pushed because who wants to feel that hurt again?. You may never love me the same and I'm fine with that. I know you're happy...my soul is at ease, finally, because I know you're happy. I just wanted that one chance, one opportunity to show you I had my sh** together and I was the man you needed but, it was too late. I lost everything when I lost you; literally and figuratively speaking and it was my own doing. As as you're happy, I'm good. The Bible says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord," so I guess the guy who decides to marry you, obtains that favor. I'm not even sure if you're still with the same guy but all I do know is...you're marrying the wrong man and nothing will ever change that feeling. We as men might not never admit that we can see ourselves with just one, starting a family with just one, getting down on one knee for just one, spending the rest of our lives with just one...but I can...I have. For all those times you cried and I didn't care. For all those times you wanted me to listen, that I didn't hear. For all those times you put you before we and I put pride in the middle of that. For all those times you were right, and I wasn't. For all those times you held on to us and I let ago...I'm sorry. The last thing you said to me was,

"I...I'm not in love with you anymore,"

But I knew that before that night.

A Different World Wedding

@renaissance_brotha_

Maintaining The Romance

I used to think romance was important as a teenage; some flowers, a crappy "I love you" poem", some candy, and dinner & a movie and that was it…funny how times change. You get older and realize just how much that plays a part in your relationship and well into your marriage. Sure, taking your significant other out for dinner and a movie is cool…but that can't be the only thing! Nowadays, it's not about being predictable- it's about being creative. It's not about cliche- it's about putting some effort into whatever it is you're doing for that person. I will admit; we as men will do all this romantic and kind sh*t in the beginning and once we get you…that's it.

Well, I'm glad that a good friend of mine hit me up to tackle just that very problem: the lack of romance amongst the sexes. Not only do women feel that men have strayed away from being romantic, but men feel the same as well (crazy, I know). If you feel that you're alone in the struggle to maintain the romance, think again. Below you will find ways of how to maintain the romance within your relationship/marriage from a woman's perspective, as well as a man's. The guest writer here on A Better Breed Of Man goes by the name of MzCottonCandyKiz (all her material can be found here: MzCottonCandyKiz) and you can also follow her on Instagram (@epiccandiz).

Please take note: anything you notice in the red, is what she's saying and anything in the black, is voiced by myself.

*class is in session*

MzCottonCandyKiz: For me, romance is about creating epic and memorable moments that are long lasting! Now, contrary to the thoughts of the “new” females, the true ladies (such as myself) still very much believe in romance. Unfortunately though, it seems that males where more romantic in their teenage years and then once again, in their 40s: so what happens to all of those years in between (20-39), I mean, do the men just stop...being romantic?

Renaissance Brotha: No, men don't just stop being romantic, ma'am! You mean to tell me that between the ages of 20-40 (20-damn-years) men aren't being romantic? Ludicrous! YES, [some] men DO struggle with the idea of being romantic, but then you have plenty others who are making sure to maintain the romance within their relationship/marriage. In my opinion; romance is about being inventive...being spontaneous! And while you feel that men aren't that romantic, my dear, [some] women aren't stepping up to the plate themselves.

MCCK: Okay, okay you're right, but romance for a woman is the act of her significant other going above and beyond to please her and by please her- I don’t mean just physically either!

Babe give me more than the usual!!! (In my Trey Songz voice).

RB: EXACTLY! Romance is about going above and beyond for your partner and making sure they're happy at the expense of doing something nice, just because. If y'all think y'all the only ones who wanna be romanced- think again.

MCCK: I see what you're saying but how about putting some REAL thought and effort into making us smile fellas! This isn’t just any kind of smile; this smile has a glow to it. Her eyes become glassy and she drifts off into another place just for a minute. It's the kinda smile, that makes her tell all her friends how great you are. This smile...makes her have a great day at work no matter what's been going on.

RB: I wanna be the reason you smile (50 Cent voice)

If smiling is your concern, then you have to set the standard ladies! If being romanced is something you enjoy, then make sure that blueprint is laid from jump. We wanna make you happy, we wanna make you smile, I mean, what man wouldn't want that for his lady! In my opinion, it's all about equal treatment in your relationship/marriage not, "babe take me here because it's romantic, babe do this because it's romantic." Plain and simple: romance should be a two-way street.

MCCK: I agree and romance can/should be expressed in many different ways! Romance is going to a new restaurant and saving some so she can taste how great the food was.

RB: Romance for us is about setting the MOOD (because it's not just about the food, it's the mood that helps to set a romantic scene). Instead of going out for dinner, maybe you can shoot him a text,

"hey honey, I wanted to cook dinner tonight, would you like anything special!? Oh, and pick up some flowers on your way home please."

You're direct and to the point! Just making dinner and sitting in front of a TV gets boring, so, spice that s*** up! You dress up, have some music on, candles lit, bottle of wine chilled...after a long day who wouldn't like that kinda treatment (but not all the time). It's not just the act of cooking dinner, it's what comes along with dinner that we find romantical (not a word but you get my point).

MCCK: Romance is getting her flowers but getting them in her favorite color. Or maybe getting a single rose and putting it on the bed, while she’s in the shower just because before you head out. Sending her flowers to her job is also a nice romantic gesture and I mean come on now, what woman wouldn't want a nice bouquet of flowers and or some Edible Arrangements!

RB: Getting flowers or some Edibles from your man...while at work or just because and it's not a day of significance and they're your favorite color…?

I get it, I get it! Some men don't understand the importance of flowers but I do; they help to lively up the soul and all that's around you. On the flip side of that ladies, how about treating you man to game or a concert! Men (hand clap) like (hand clap) that (hand clap) sh** (hand clap)! Some of you reading this could give a f*** about Carmelo Anthony going against LeBron James or going to a football game or going to see his favorite artist, but we as men love to do sh** like that! Same way ya'll was doing all types of crazy sh*t to see On The Run, we enjoy being live in person. Surprise him with some tickets to a game or a show because at the end of the day, not only does it show that you care about him but you care enough to show interest in what he enjoys.

MCCK: Romance is making dinner and having it ready when she gets home from a hard day of work.

RB: I agree 110%! After a long day of work and/or class and/or having to deal with a child, who wants to come home to have to clean AND cook…

Hell, cooking dinner isn't an issue but to that, I say this- can we get a date thooooo! You might be suckin ya teeth right now like, "what is this fool talking about!?" but I'm serious; take your man on a date and PAY FOR IT! Pick the place, make the reservations, make sure you tell him to get dressed accordingly, and when it's time to place the order, ask him what he wants to eat and when the waitress/waiter comes over to take the order, YOU speak! Not only does it show initiative but that sh*t is sexy as f***! Hell, even feed him the dessert and when you get home you feed him you!

MCCK: And some women do that already but can ya'll put a little more thought into the regular ol' "dinner and a movie" kinda date because that's something I can do with my girls! Instead of the usual, find a Groupon or look online get some great date night ideas at a great price; we don't have to spend a bunch of money to enjoy a night out on the town, just as long as we're spending the time together! Sometimes we wanna hear, “hey babe, tonight let’s do something a little different. Put on those jeans I love to see you in, you know...the ones that make your ass stick out and don't take too long because we're going to paint some pottery.”

RB: And that's a great idea outside of the usual "dinner and a movie" because then it forces us to put some actual thought into the date. An act of romance for us tho- showing you appreciate us. Sex is cool, hell, a watch is nice but how about writing an actual letter and...*wait for it*...actually mailing it to him! F*** a text, f*** an email, f*** posting your "love and appreciate" for him on some social networking site: sit your ass down, write out how you feel and what you appreciate most about him. It's thoughtful and it's genuine. It's SHOWS that you care because sometimes...words convey a better message that actions can't.

MCCK: Romance is waiting until she gets out the shower and as she's drying off, you grab the lotion and rub her body down. This isn’t to lead to sex or anything, but just a genuine rub down.

RB: This is something I agree with wholeheartedly because we too, enjoy a good rub down. After the gym- sure. After a long day at work- you bet ya. Beating the guy's ass who was a little too friendly at the restaurant- rub daddy down! All jokes aside tho, I think it's something that both parties can enjoy because there's nothing like a good body rub...caressing all those areas the sun misses...sensually...taking your time...sh** like that is pleasurable. Massage the stress away ladies and gents!

MCCK: Romance is giving her the hoodie that you normally wear that smells like that cologne she loves.

RB: Smelling him when he is not around; cute but if you thought I wouldn't mention sex in this blog...guess again. I know what you're thinking ladies,

"all you gotta do is: play with his thing till it gets hard, suck on it, then get on top and ride him, say some nasty stuff, and then he cums and that's it!"

WRONG!

...to an extent at least. Any woman can do those things but what separates YOU from the others is HOW you do it! Sure, men like the simplicity of oral, followed by intercourse, but [some] of us men enjoy a good build up every now and then; please AND entertain us! Get some lingerie, put on some music, light some candles, steal one of his shirts and put on some heels and earrings, and then...do a dance for him! You dislike that he's goes to the strip club? Be his stripper! You, put, that, p****, on, him! So many of y'all ladies listened to Destiny's Child "Cater 2 U" and didn't cater! Sex and romance are linked because of the connection it builds between the both of you; get closer, creative, and captivate!

*****

Romance is all about doing something nice because you care about the person, not because you feel forced to. No woman should have to force her man to take her out, but also shouldn't rely on the man to be the only one who has to bare the burden of the romance within the relationship/marriage. The idea is to be spontaneous; the element of surprise goes a long way! If she enjoys receiving flowers- send her ass flowers. She enjoys candlelight- eat breakfast by candlelight. Do something SHE enjoys! The idea is to keep the fire burning so you will never ever have to worry about the next man (or woman) doing so! Affection, attention, and some consideration is all she really wants, believe me, but learn when to and when not to. Too much romance and then you create a monster. Too little and you now you have a partner with one foot in and the other one out. Unsure of when to be romantic; take the "odd day/even day" approach: you take odd days and she takes the even days and two even/odd days out of the month, you have to come up with something romantic for the both of ya'll to do. Sounds cheesy, but I guarantee you it will keep things thriving. Don't be afraid to be cheesy but also make sure EFFORT and THOUGHT goes into whatever it is you come up with! Maintain the romance in your love life fellas or…I will some other man (or woman) will. Maintain the romance in your love life ladies…or some other woman (or man) will.

@renaissance_brotha_

Friends With Benefits: An Ugly Truth

Who gives a f*** about commitment! Yup, I said it: who gives a f***, about, com-mit-ment!

Ok I'm joking.

But what ISN'T a joke, is something that's been sweeping the nation (no, not Ebola) for years and probably will continue to do so, for many more years to come...

Friends With Benefits!

*class is in session*

Basically, friends with benefits is an individual that you have sex with...when you're horny in the mood, without the commitment. He/she isn't someone you look at as BF/GF material nor is it a best friend because you don't wanna ruin the friendship, by "screwing" around! You don't do the whole "dating" thing because then there's this sense of, "obligation" that comes along with dealing with that individual outside of having sex. There's no accountability, there's no holding fu**ing hands (only when she's about to orgasm), I mean, none of that is on the table, when you're only using that "table", to have sex on. Your concern isn't about who else that person is f***ing; well, maybe it should be if you and that person are having unprotected sex but I would hope you're practicing safe sex! This, person, is, only, called, upon, for, sex; nothing more, nothing less. Read that one more time and then meet me at the second paragraph.

Things are different these days. Men are different. Women are different. The concept of relationships, friendships, marriage, and everything else are just...different. Being a friend with benefits isn't something that can work because 8/10 someone is bound to catch feelings and someone is more than likely gonna get hurt because 8/10 those feelings aren't reciprocated. A man will tell you,

"I'm not tryna f*** with her bro because I know my d*** and because I know my d***, I know she's gonna catch feelings and I ain't got time for that bro! In and out nah mean."

A woman will tell you,

"I require too much attention to be JUST a friend with benefits because that s*** is just too fake. If I like him and he don't like me or vice versa...I'm not tryna end up on Snapped nor do I wanna be all in my feelings about some d***!"

You might laugh at those above scenarios, but they're true! Think about the movie Friends With Benefits with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis: where Justin and Mila both agreed to the terms of being "friends with benefits" and how Mila's character begins to develop feelings for Justin as the movie progresses. Yada yada happens and he's like, "nah, no way, f*** outta here, what you mean, we swore on the Bible app that it would only be about the sex, now you're coming at me like this...I don't understand." Well, eventually he found that understanding and realized...she made a better GF than FWB! But in this day-in-age, things are different. Nowadays, [some] men can't handle a woman who can just have sex with them and not get attached. Nowadays, a man's ego can't handle when a woman says, "that was good...*phew*...so what you about to do?" Nowadays, men can't handle...when the roles are reversed.

I will always and forever be about "male empowerment" and respecting the guy code but certain things make my balls itch! When I see men in skinny jeans/leggings or jeggings/tights or any other tight ass clothing- my balls itch. When men call women sluts/bit**es/hoes/whores/thots for having multiple sexual partners but then brag about being a side dude- my balls itch. When dudes manipulate women to the POINT, of no return and f*** them up and send them back into the world for the rest of us to have to deal with- my balls itch! You hear that fellas:

MY (hand clap) BALLS (hand clap) ITCH (hand clap, hand clap).

A lot of you so called real n****/men/boys/bosses/kings: whether Black, Asian, Latino, White, whatever, are real lame! A woman who is in control of her sexuality is a threat to a man, why? Because she understands who she is as a woman and who she is in the face of society. SOME might care what society thinks of her but a REAL woman will be like, "society don't pay my bills so society can eat peanut butter and jelly out my ass!". The moment she agrees to being your f*** buddy you think, "yes, gotcha bit**! I'm bout to have you doing all the sh** a GF would do and all I gotta do is send some text messages here and there give you the D when you in the mood!" The problem lies is when she agrees to it being strictly physical...and doesn't get attached. She'll take the text messages- but she has a bunch of other dudes doing the same sh** you doing. She doesn't need you to keep her warm at night- she got somebody else for that. You wanna start going back on that agreement of it being only about sex- she got other dudes willing to eat her vagina fresh off the toilet without knowing if she wiped or not! You can't control her like you want to and that grinds yo motherf***in gears!!! 

All the things y'all agreed upon, she adheres to and that f***s you up because you thought the "ball was in your court" to only find out she's not up for playing a game of one on one. She might like ya pics, but that about it/might suck ya d***, but that about it- and deep down inside it gets to you; I get it. Most men can't handle not being in control because it makes them feel like LESS of a man! She can arrange for y'all to have sex and after the deed is done get on some, "well, it was fun, but I'm outta here (deuces)" type shit and that's something MOST men can't phantom! It's common that you hear of a woman who catches feelings and usually breaks it off with a guy because he doesn't feel the same as her but for a woman to do that sh*t is like Kobe averaging assist like Chris Paul; it's unheard of!

I can sit here and say, "oh, I would never catch feelings yada yada yada," and then get the p**** put on me so damn good that I wouldn't know WHAT to do with myself! What you DON'T want is me outside ya damn place; watching you through the window, waiting till you fall asleep! We as men have to realize that we can't/wont be in control of every situation. Some women just like having sex and that's that! I've learned a long time ago that a woman will be demeaned and degraded because of her want/need for sex and nothing more. I hate double standards! Society tells you as a woman, "be free, be independent, be you...but if you're out here f**king multiple men you're a hoe!". That same society turns around and tells us as men, "f*** all the women you want, hell, if you don't wanna use a condom, that's ok too!". Bull AND shit! Men want these FWB and the moment they can't manipulate and mold them to their liking there's a problem. Y'all blockheaded ass goofballs be f***in it up for all the other guys, because y'all want these ladies to feel bad about the SAME sh** y'all want; sex! Friends with benefits will never be a concept that fully works because no matter what gets said/doesn't get said, no matter what gets done/doesn't get done...someone will catch feelings and be left to play the bad guy! Women are capable of catching feelings and side stepping yours...just depends on the breed of woman. If you can't handle the maturity that comes along with FWB...beat ya di** till you find someone to beat it for you!

Any questions, comments, or maybe you're seeking advice or any concerns or even feedback- hit me up @ brotharenaissance@gmail.com

@renaissance_brotha_

You Shouldn't Aspire To Be Just...

*names have been changed to protect the innocent*

Friend: don't you HATE when a b**** brag about a n**** that ain't hers?"

Me: yea, but, that's the way of the world I guess

Friend: ugh, I hate that you're so nonchalant Anthony...but this bi*** Kira is sleeping with ol boy.

Me: Hamilton?

Friend: ...

Friend: how did you know that?

Me: she told me

Friend: and you're not mad? What happened if some f***ed your GF?! All that writing you do, you should do a blog on bi*** who ain't s*** and who f*** other girl's men

I know one day I will have a daughter and I will have to explain to her that having a BF is hard work and you should never advise him to "choke and stroke" you during sex because that will only lead to him potentially choking you in real life! I say that to say this: I hope my daughter(s) never aspire to be on reality TV, dating a rapper, who can only read at a 4th grade level and who gets so high, that he can barely park his spaceship (I'm pretty sure I'll have a child by the time those are invented). So, to my future wife (if you're reading this) this piece is for you!

I pray to lil baby Jesus that my daughter never has to go thru what I see so many women go thru today! So, here's on my piece on "labels" or "titles" a woman should NEVER want to aspire to be in life...

*class is in session*

A "baby mama":

Sometimes, things don't work out between you and the father of your child(ren) and for that...I understand. I won't sit here and judge, criticize, talk down on, nor will I ridicule any woman who is currently going thru that type of relationship/situation, but, the REST of you?! Nah! [some] Of y'all ladies are content with being JUST a baby mama to a man who won't commit to anything MORE than eating your vagina when you're angry and picking you up from the gym so that creepy guy won't hit on you anymore. He says,

"I like what we have babe...you got my child, so I ain't going nowhere, (insert forehead kiss) I love you!"

But you know, like I know, like we all know...he full of it!

The fear of being a single mother is a very daunting one, I get it, but I don't get why so many women allow a man to just give them children and not a ring! If all you're getting is pregnant on top of spoon fed bullsh*t on top of excuses on WHY he won't make you a mother AND wife, well, what does that say about you and, what do you then tell your child(ren)? There are too many baby mommas and not enough wives and I'm not saying pressure him because he'll either A) leave B) cheat C) keep giving you the run around. What I am SAYING is: want (hand clap) more (hand clap) for (hand clap) yourself (hand clap, hand clap).

A "career GF":

"Our kids would look so good together...I always wanted a house out in the suburbs...where you wanna have wedding at (insert crazy laugh)...I'm just joking...where's this waitress at?!"

If a chick is talking about weddings and babies and y'all JUST started dating; run! [some] Women are content with being a girlfriend who has all these plans for the future...with a guy she's JUST met! You hardly know his whole damn name and already looking to settle down; relax, he ain't going nowhere. If she says, "men usually don't know what they want and that's why I'm single," and then turns around and says, "...I was thinking long term...and they weren't," and THEN, goes on to say, "but I can see myself being with you tho...forever," and y'all have only been dating for about a month? Exit stage left! The goal is to build and get to know the guy not speak on what hasn't been built with someone you hardly know...where's the logic in that! You see yourself as being a wife...one day, but you're scaring men off to the idea of actually being your man!

A "some day" GF:

If you ask your man, "when are you gonna wife me up," or whoever you contextualize it and he responds like...

hell if I know

or he'll say, "I like what we have (kiss) I just don't, wanna mess things up with a title and then we start arguing..."

7/10 he doesn't see a future with you. Before you gave him the pus** he said, "let's not rush things and see where we end up," and then you gave him the kitty and now he's dancing around your questions better than Justin Timberlake when he was in Backstreet Boys *NSYNC! Lil orphan Annie thought the sun would come out tomorrow, hell, she was hanging on to the fact that the sun was gonna bring it's ol' bright ass out and guess what...we still don't know if it did or didn't. See, Annie had hope, but she wasn't getting di** from Christopher with the green eyes and milk chocolate skin; you are! And no matter how much he dances around the question and into your vagina, the more you allow him or any other man to do the same...you'll forever be a "some day" kinda woman. 

A "side piece":

I laugh at women...

(and apologies to those who this might offend)

I laugh at women who pride themselves in, idk, thinking it's some sort of accomplishment by fu**ing another woman's man like karma doesn't exist. How could you ever fix your lips to ask a man to take you serious, when you take pride in laying down with another's woman's man?! How can you pray to God/Allah/King James or whomever you pray to, to send you a man, when you're not fit, to be a man's one and only option?! Sure, he's content with sexing you down, why? Because after he's done fu**ing you, he goes home, and more than likely tosses his penis into his GF/wife's mouth and they go to bed happy. You on the other hand go to bed lonely as f*** watching old episodes of Law & Order, scrolling thru Instagram, tappin twice n'sh*t! Your ego is the only thing that wins here! You say, "girl, I don't about his bi*** because CLEARLY he don't, so why should I?! He's f**king me AND her and tells me he loves me...I ain't worried bout nothing!" and then you wonder why you can't keep a man! You seen what happened to Sanaa Lathan in that Tyler Perry movie "The Family That Preys," when she thought that the husband was gonna leave the wife for her ass...yea, exactly; ain't happenin captain!

A"booty call":

He calls you and because the d*** is good or because you're lonely or because the dude you're currently talking to is playing more games than an arcade...you head on over to his place; you're a booty call. He took you to that semi nice restaurant and a couple times to them corny ass chain restaurants, for them decent drinks and mediocre ass, warm ass food and that did it for you...bit** kill yourself.

If he never hits you up to go out anymore- you're a booty call.

If he only ask you to come over to chill or ask to come over- you're a booty call.

If the text he sends, always begin after 11 pm- you're a booty call.

The only things open late nights are drive thrus, hole in the wall clubs, strip clubs, and your legs. This man doesn't see a relationship with you, no kinda commitment, no kinda nothing! Sure, he has good sex...but what else does he offer.

*****

I pray my daughter never has aspirations to be anything less than a Queen. I know there was some humorous moments in this blog, but I know sooo many women who are happy with just being: the baby mom, who gets a child support check or the side piece who looks for happiness in the arms of a married man. Why not want more for yourself ladies...why not demand more from these men! You have a choice, you have leverage, you are Queens- Black, White, Latino, Asian, whatever, YOU, are a Queen! It doesn't take a blog to know that or a stupid ass post or tweet to confirm that! How could you be content with knowing that a man only sees you as JUST sex?! There are too many women giving passes and letting excuses run wild and not enough women who stand up and CHECK these men on their sh*t! I want to see you ladies happy...and I'm not talking happy with the new bag bae got you or the heels he got you or the once of month date he takes you on, where 60% of the time, ya'll are on the phone! DEMAND MORE! One day you'll look in the mirror and realize that being a man's wife, a man's life partner...is a lot better than being his cinnamon apple with good pussy, with a college degree, and decent credit!

*class is dismissed*

@renaissance_brotha_

Like a Broke Car, Bro...You're Pushing It

*I know this will get read and I hope it gets read and that it lights a fire under the ass of those who do this: ladies, stop mentioning to men, that WE have all these other f***ing women after us and yada yada yada because it's unattractive and it makes you look weak as a woman! I put it in a blog because if I text, Tango, Skype, email, KiK, SnapChat, Vine, Instagram DM, Tweet, FB post it 8/10 all you'll do is like and/or reference it back in the midst of a convo...STOP DOING THAT SH*T! No man mans to hear it! Ok, women comment and like things upon social media...that's the point! You think you're being funny but the moment a man feels offended then it's, "I need a man that's not a p***y of a God fearing solider," or some tom-foolery like that. Be mindful of how you converse with a man but more importantly how you come across as a woman because you will be blessed with someone exactly like you and if you think that ish is attractive or that it validates something...it doesn't. Cut the sh*t ladies, period.*

**********

Men cheat but women, women?!?! Women CHEAT! I'm not here to bash women or anything like that because I do feel (some) women have their reasons for cheating and this is what this entire blog is about:

reasons why she cheated.

I'm not saying cheating is right, just like I don't agree with Mona Scott producing more Love & Hip Hops but, that's neither here nor there. Sometimes the relationship isn't going too smoothly and she's tired of explaining things to you that you should be understanding after the 1000th time or maybe because you thought it was a good idea to step outside of ya'll commitment and sleep with the heffa Jennifer, you know, the one she's no longer friends with. Whatever the reason is, she's cheated, now what? If you're a typical man, you won't be able to stomach the fact that she's stepped out on you and if you're a typical man, you probably aren't reading this but, to the ones that are,

grab a seat, get comfy...

*class is in session*

1. Not The Man She Fell In Love With:

You remember getting her flowers because it was the nice thing to do or telling her to get dressed to go out to eat because she didn't feel like cooking or massaging her feet after she's had a long day at work...you might not, but she does. You were romantic! I'm talking: Gerald Levert, Keith Sweat, Joe (R&B music in the 90s) kinda romantic but now...you're like The Weeknd,

"can you let me stretch that pu*** out or nah/I'm not the type to call you back tomorrow..."

and while all that will get the vagina wet, if said properly, she's not that interested, why? Because you've changed. Who knows why or what has happened to you but unless that got communicated to her...you messed up bruh. When she goes from voicing her issues on why you don't do what you used to do to not giving a f***, just know she has begun to move on and more than likely she's moved on top of another man (or woman)...but that's none of my business.

2. You're Boring:

You've (hands clap) gotten (hands clap) too damn (hands clap) com-fort-able (hands clap)!

When you've become a robot or a "yes man" I can almost guarantee things will take a turn for the worst. She wants to have sex some place spontaneous- you wanna f*** her on the couch or the bed like always. She wants ya'll to cook together- you wanna go to out to eat or order in. She wants to try something new and you- "I don't know babe, that sounds like it's going to be boring!" YOU'RE boring and I'm talking:

watching paint dry while listening to Ice JJ Fish sing opera music BORING!

All that "naggin" she's doing isn't because she actually wants to...it's because she's tryna convey to you why she's upset and why she misses the way things USED to be! You've gotten all comfortable with the idea that you've got her, well, I hope you get comfortable with the idea that another man will have her like you had her...but that's none of my business.

3. Your Insecurities Are To Blame:

You know what's worse than seeing Flavor Flav and Momma Dee on tape having sex?

A man who is too damn insecure! The same way we as men tend to not wanna deal with women who bring too many insecurities into a relationship...is the same way women tend to get tired of men who use their insecurities as a crutch within the relationship. A real woman won't leave you because you're making less than her- she'll leave you because you aren't motivated to do more or want more. You complain about you being short- she doesn't. You've gained some weight- she tells you she'll go to the gym with you if you want but you're reluctant to do so. Your insecurities as a man has the ability to push her away into the arms of another man...but that's none of my business.

4. Relationship Sabotage:

We as men would like to believe that we're these, pitbull like kinda men and we're stone cold when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart but that isn't the case; we're vulnerable. We can play with a chick's heart and mind but the very moment she turns the tables around... 

THIS bitch!

Honestly, some of us are only filling a void and what's worse about that little piece of info is that a female will keep you around till she's done with you. Oh, you thought we were the only ones to do such trickery? Ha! She will cheat and make sure you find all kinds of pieces to the puzzle so YOU can be left with the dreadful decision: should I stay or should I go... 

Women sabotage on a different level of men and cheat far greater as well. Who lets you go thru their phone knowing evidence is all thru it and leaves the room long enough for you to snoop...but that's none of my business.

5. Karma Is A Bitch:

You remember how you f**ked whatsherface and got caught and thought karma wouldn't catch up to ya, well, it did...and karma is the white dude from her job, who always brings her those snacks she likes with beard that smells like lavender and the penis made of gold! I am no longer a fan of "revengeful cheating" only because I did it and it cost me the love of my life but you have to think about this:

why did you cheat in the FIRST place!?

She might act like it's no big deal...ok, I'm lying, she cares, but it's the fact that you didn't tell her and she found out or it's because you told her and your reasoning sucks! A woman will cheat back on you whether it's physically or emotionally and that sh** wil hurt you...

physically AND emotionally...but that's none of my business.

6. What You Won't Do...:

When you don't make her feel beautiful- another man will. It's simple, I know, but when I tell you that women look towards their man to be their biggest motivator and supporter; bruh! F*** all that, "WCW" ah ah ah, social media validation sh*t because your pops ain't have Instagram and guess what? He and your mom worked out just fine! YOU have to tell her she's beautiful! YOU have to let her know that you appreciate her and the things she does for you and the relationship! YOU have to support her when she needs it most! It's either you do it or have a brotha like me taking her out to bowl n'sh*t...but that's none of my business.

7. She Wasn't Sh*t To Begin With:

Some of these women ain't sh**

and we as men are to blame but

the rest that haven't been tainted or hurt...ain't sh**!

Someone women aren't designed to be in relationships because the idea seems, idk, foreign. The funny thing is, we'll do everything in our powers to convince her that we are just the right kinda man to change her mind, and when she obliges...she treats you like a Meg from Family Guy. When you force a relationship upon a woman who enjoys coming and going as she pleases and for whatever reason you feel that you can change that, I'm sorry but you will get hurt and cheated on...but that is my business...

Why?

Because cheating is f***ing awful! Women cheat fellas and we are partly the reason. Maybe her insecurities lead her to "throw her ass in a circle" on ol dude that drives the BMW or maybe it's the fact that you don't pay enough attention to her. Ladies, I love y'all and I always will but what happens when you have a man that spoils you, is loyal, gives you sex so good that you hug his mama extra tight every time you see her even tho you hate her ass? I would like to believe that men are part of the reason to you cheating but I also know that some women entertain another man and will begin to fall for his ass. If the dude you re with is boring, please let his ass know. If the dude you re with penis looks like a 6th grader's pinky and it doesn't satisfy you but you love him, let him know that. Take responsibility and stop allowing outside options and actions dictate how you go about your duties as a woman. If you are that weak, that you can bring yourself to cheat, that you've lost the ability to talk and make things work or just, idk, leave...that isn't my business...it's yours.

*class dismissed*

@renaissance_brotha_