Bruh...I Don't WANT, Your Girl

The great thing about being a "relationship consultant" (as I like to call myself because guru sounds...eh) is that I am able to converse with people who have different perspectives and experiences that have lead them down the path they are today. I enjoy the company of people. Conversation flowing, laughs, debating, all that- I enjoy. When I break that down even further, I specifically enjoy the company of women. And not for the contrary assumption of wanting to obtain sex but because when you honestly converse with women...you learn a lot. Women from all walks of life, hit me up seeking advice about their man issues and because of the relationships I've been in and just life experiences in general, I'm able to give my honest feedback on what it is they need advice with. Some take it, others don't. For me, it will never, EVER, be about telling someone what they WANT to hear, but more so, what I feel/think is right with the given information. But, WITH the enjoyment of female company comes...

their men!

BF(s), side dude, ex BF, ex side dude, husband, ex husband, crazy ex husband, fiancé, the dude in the friend zone, the boo, the bae, the dude she's currently f**kin, and so on and so forth.

I knew the very moment I started to blog, that women would be drawn to the idea of a man sharing his thoughts/feelings but never did it cross my mind that men would follow, in the manner they do- these dudes are crazy! Now if I had a dollar for every single time one of these dudes had an issue with me...I’d be able to eat at Chipotle every Friday and Saturday afternoon for the next 2 years! I'll share with you a couple stories, now bare with me, I can't make this stuff up, this is real:

Story #1 – I was cool with this chick on Facebook for some years. We went out for wings a few times, hell, she got drunk one night and I even called her a cab so that she would get home safely because in the summer...anything is liable to happen. Anytime we wrote to each other on FB, we’d joke on one another, flirt, call each other punk or sweetie or homie, you know, nothing too serious. One day, she sends me this long ass inbox message, to let me know she recently started a new relationship and her new BF didn't appreciate the way I would write on her wall, so she asked me to chill on the sweet talk- ok, no problem. Now mind you, it must’ve just become official a FEW days before the message because we were harmlessly flirting not that long ago. When I tell you this guy had her on lock-DOWN and had her unfriend me and all that- bruh! For the 6 months they were together, we talked a couple times and that was only because we had mutual friends and went to the same lounges. After they broke up...here she comes, "boo, I missed you!" *skurttttt* bye bihh!

Story #2 – A good friend of mine got engaged recently. I knew her for YEARS! I'm talking, we cried when they showed the last episode of Boy Meets World together at her house. We fell outta contact but when we linked back up, she introduces me to her fiancé at a party. I showed him mad love, congratulated him, and wished them the best; I’m genuinely happy for them. He seemed receptive, but I would soon learn that he fronted something hard! I got random accounts from our friends concerning this dude using my name in vain. He claimed that I had/have relations with his GF (which I didn’t because I was never attracted to her in that way...her teeth, eh). He claimed that we would end up in the same places because we SET it up that way and not by coincidence. A mutual friend even told me to stop talking to my homegirl because dude would ice-grill me anytime I spoke to her. I didn’t think it was that serious, but I took my people’s advice and chilled, because I damn sure didn't want this dude to run up on me and ask, "...can I get a drop!?" (YouTube if you don't know what I'm referring to).

In my head I'm like, "maybe it's because I'm chocolate...ladies love chocolate!" But then I realized, I'm short! And females ain't really checking for no short dude, no matter how great they may be...

ok I'm lying but women aren't necessarily checking for me and if they are, I damn sure ain't aware!

So I asked my close lady friends on many occasions what kinda impression is it that I give off, from their POV:

"Yo...you flirt a lot and if I was ya girl I would have a problem with that! But then again you ain't out here f***in everything so, it's harmless but I would stab you Ant!"

"I can see why dudes be mad at you honestly because you know what you want and you don't settle. If I were, MY BF, you'd be blocked from every form of getting in contact with me!"

And it's sh** like that I can appreciate because I know I'm a flirt, hell, I take full responsibility for my actions but when I'm in a relationship, I will flirt and nothing more! I'm not that type of dude to want someone's GF/wife...ok, I have a few in mind that if they were single I would pursue, a few of which I'm sure will be reading this, so that last line was a lie, forgive me. With that being said, here are some actually convos/things that have been said to me or about me over the past few yrs by dudes who, well, you be the judge: 

"I don't want you talking to him! That little ass dude with the beard be dry snitchin in them blogs or posts or whatever it is he be doing! He look like Taye Diggs, like seriously! And women love Taye!"

Women tell me that having attractive, successful, single men as platonic friends doesn’t always fly with their man and over the years I've seen why. Some dudes seriously play a good friend role and then once that relationship is on the rocks...he's tryna slide his whole penis in her like she wasn't just crying over ol' dude 2 weeks ago! I cant help it if women think I'm handsome- blame my pops! Men are observant creatures. Men always keep their eyes open for dudes who claim to be cool with their girl because that’s how some men have gotten their current girl to begin with. The BF usually assumes the “friend” has hidden motives, which isn't always the case. Insecurity also plays a role here. A dude who sees that another man, whose friends with his GF, excels or surpasses him in areas he lacks, may feel pressure. He’ll start power trippin, make demands for ya'll to stop seeing each other, or push the envelope to see how much he can eliminate you from his GF's life. I had a dude inbox me on FB one time, "you comment my shawty pic with that "good morning" s*** bro and Imma fuc* you up! You disrespectful!" Haha, light skin dudes.

"Wait, but wasn't you and Keshia talking about his d*** the other day!? Keshia hoe ass always seeing somebody penis so I know there's some truth to it!"

***quick story***

My homegirls walked in on me getting out the shower...and seen my package. Keisha told our friend's BF for whatever reason and lord...that's where the problems began. Now my friend and her man have a whole ass discussion and she tells him "x y z" and that creates an issue that I had to step away from.

I never understood why females tell their BF's irrelevant things for. By telling him stupid sh**, you have now made some regular ol' guy a potential threat. She may have dreamt about you, praised a recent accomplishment, or made some annoying ass comment about you and your popularity with the ladies. Either way, she said something to make him wonder. Don't post, "Ant I love your blogs; keep'em comin!" because he is most definitely gonna feel some kinda way about that and I ain't got the time to sarcastically defend bs. Ladies, don't ever put your guy friends in an awkward situation with you boo thang...it only spells trouble. Don't ever talk about your ex's penis size with your current either- no matter how much he asks about it. If he does ask about it, lie! Yes, I just told you to lie!

Man: "babe, where you at?"

GF: "at Ant house playin Call of Duty, I tol...hello? hello?!?!?"

A lot of females feel the same way when it comes to other women, "I don't f***s wit these b****** because these bit**es are fake!! Why you think most of my friends are male friends!" Many guys can’t understand how women can have a man, and still chill with guys. Some people will argue that a woman’s BF should suffice for all her needs, whether it’s recreational, sexual, intellectual, or spiritual. Me- eh. A man doesn't want to be around his woman 24-damn-7, but that doesn’t mean we want other men (friends or otherwise) to hang with our woman either!

(excluding me because I know you need "you time" and friend time, so yea, do you boo boo)

If anytime you want to go out with your girl, and she replies “oh not today I have training with Mike” or “Me and Sean are doing lunch today bae, I told you that. Reign check?”, this will eventually cause a rift between the two of yall. My homegirl had to call the police because her BF yoked her up because me and a few of our mutual friends sent her flowers on her birthday because it was just a sweet gesture and because her day started off crappy... dude is currently in jail.

"I know you & Wesley Snipes had somethin in the past..."

Many platonic friendships between men and women birth from an attraction from one or both parties. You may have tried to holla and it didn’t work out, so you gladly accept being in the friend zone. You could develop relationships from having friends in common. Ya'll could’ve even messed around once. Either way, prior history of attraction holds the same weight as Rockefeller drug laws and it makes her friend guilty until proven innocent. Women love to use the phrase “I used to like him but he’s my friend now” and act like that’s normal! You know damn well most guys ain't for no chick with a past, but I digress. The friend zone is like the speeding limit: Yea it’s a rule to follow, but most people speed anyway, switch lanes without signaling, and slow down when they see police. My homegirl Maria's husband pressed me because we talked a long time ago:

"I don't care it was 45 yrs or 2 yrs ago! That's my lady now!"

Pushing the envelope on a friendship based on attraction is normal human interaction, but remember that the difference between 65 and 100 mph is 2-5 seconds, so drive safe. 

"Stop callin/textin/emailin him about our problems! He ain't Steve Harvey!"

I can't help it if a female decides to confide in me as a friend and nor can any other man who is a neutral party. Men hate when their GF/wife has a male friend whom which she decides to call upon when things get rocky. They feel like dudes can’t objectively critique situations without some type of plan to eventually try to fu** if sh** goes left!! Dudes also fear that another dude will tell their women when their man is full of sh** and share all the so-called "secrets" only men know. Men also feel like their GF’s shouldn’t converse about their problems with another dude, especially if the man knows him, because it’s inappropriate. Yes, women have female friends who they go to for advice but 8/10 they aren't listening to Cassandra who has been single since Miley Cyrus was on Disney! Men for the most part will recognize that they have these male friends, but men will always keep an eye on the situation just in case. Recently, a dude named James hit me up on Instagram to talk to me about the friendship me and his baby mama has. When I tell you that was the worst 2 hours of my life wasted on this dude and his insecure ass, when in actuality, I TOLD his baby mama to stay and work things out...lawwddd!

At the end of the day, I respect relationships/marriages and I try not to step on toes. I don’t disrespect my female friends or their boyfriends, and I remain mindful of my words and actions, and the perceptions they may carry. It’s tough to take all those precautions and still have dudes claim that I’m no good. I can’t live my life for others, or in fear of what my every move will mean to the next man’s situation. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to fear. Fear leads to insecurity, and insecurity can push your BF/GF right into the hands of another person. I get attacked on a day to day basis about "how can you have all this wisdom if you've never been married?" Or my personal favorite, "how can a single man give advice to those in relationships!?" It always makes me laugh. The moment I allow anyone's opinion of what I do get in the way of who I'm becoming is the day I record a video of me eating a dog's ass with cat food! Fellas...I don't want your lady, if anything, I'm trying to KEEP you with your lady but your insecurities won't allow you to see that. If she means anything to you- fight for her. Let her know how much you care about her! Stop worrying about the next dude when she isn't even paying him no mind! Don't end up like me sharing your personal life all over the internet because pride kept you from something great. You got someone great- you hold on to her.

@renaissance_brotha_  

S.I.N.G.L.E.

Me: being single is cool, like, I don't have to worry abo...
Friend: like what?
Me: cheating, the difference between being loyal and being faithful, ordering extra food because I know 1 in 3 women are greedy and will reach over to your plate and grab some of what you're eating, hair care products..
Friend: really Anthony...hair care products tho
Me: yup, I have a fear of my hair LeBron'ing
Friend: but I mean, do...
Me: don't get me wrong, I love having someone and building and all that but times have changed. the landscape of dating has changed soo much you know
Friend: you're picky...that's what that is
Me: nah b, I have standards, like, I told you this, my d*** has standards!
Friend: or maybe you're a d***, WITH standards
Me: you could be right...

Times, have changed. The way we date/court, have changed. Our perspective on relationships and marriages have changed...and not so much for the better. I guess, when you have "your sh*t together" and you're single, it tends to raise eyebrows especially since nowadays everybody is so guarded against any and every thing that may or may not happen or their "fall back game" is too strong.

For me, I get looked at funny or it's always some melo dramatic ass question-based-statement with a backhanded compliment that follows when I state that I'm single,

"omg, seriously, you're single? why!? you seem like the perfect catch, well, not perfect because you're short but you're handsome, but you get what I'm tryna say."

And because answering sarcastically usually renders THIS, as a response

So, being the gentleman that I am, I usually answer,

"Yup, I'm single, like a dollar bill in a stripper's ass!"

But seriously, who knows why I'm single...maybe I didn't forward enough chain letters, maybe it's because I was anti-veggies as a child...all that matters is that I'm completely open to the idea of building with someone who is ready and willing to do just that...

but are you?

*class is in session*

How many times have we settled for that person who showed the most interest at the time but later regretted the decision because he/she turned out like the last one? A lot of hands should be up right about now! We often ignore the red flags deal breakers, and nonnegotiables because those few months are so, blissful! After the "honeymoon" phase is over, all those things we ignored in the beginning start to annoy us more and more as the relationship begins to take shape. Well, I'm here to tell you that; I ain't wit the sh**, because...

I'd rather be single than be with someone who’s only interested in what I can do for them, instead of what we can do for each other...

Nowadays, people only give a f*** about themselves...ok, maybe that's always been the case, but if you're single, you're either:

A) looking for love
B) not interested (working on you...blah blah blah)
C) guarded because you've been hurt
D) still caught up over your ex
E) entertaining someone until someone better comes along/filling a void

...or maybe none of those apply to you but whatever your situation is: stay the f*** away from me if you're only interested in what I can bring to the table and/or what I already have at the table! It's cool to want somebody because they look good or like someone because they have money/own car/crib but what else interests you? That whole, "a bond is better than a title," bullsh** is aight but what good is forming a bond, if we aren't building into something greater? If we aren't building a friendship foundation that transitions into a relationship- I'm not interested. I'm not saying we have to be the best of friends because we'll develop into besties as the relationships progresses but man, I mean, at least let us be able to have some sort of connection first! Let's build, let's learn from each other/about each, let's form a real connection; f*** the, "we do take great pics together," or "my ex is playing games at the moment so let me entertain you till they get it together," type sh**! F*** do I care about getting into a meaningless ass relationship with you, if you're not about progression? I can give you the sun, moon, stars, and orgasms but, if you're more concerned with dinner dates that you can post on Instagram or trips where you can pop bottles, gifts, and turnin up, well...

I’d rather be single than settle down with someone who I couldn't see myself being faithful to...

On paper, they might sound like a good catch but the moment it's an one on one interaction...the energy...the vibe, just ain't there. Monogamy isn't natural. I feel people say and use that as an excuse to be unfaithful to people that they had no plans on being faithful to. I do feel however, when it comes to relationships:

• communication is key
• sex is a stress reliever
• trust is the foundation
• honesty is the glue

With that being said: if you know you're a person that likes to have sex with this one on Monday, your ex on Tuesday, a random on Thursday, or you're emotionally not over your ex or you're in no position to entertain someone (at the moment)- remain single. Temptation, is, a, motherf***a...I get it, but karma is a completely different motherf***a who you will have to deal with in some damn way, shape, or form! If you have to question yourself about whether or not being faithful is something you can commitment to being- don't put yourself in the situation. I don't wanna hear, "it's easier said than done," because that's nothing more than a phrase you've conditioned yourself into believing! I know the following is dumb but it is also rhetorical but: why would you wanna cheat on someone who you knew from jump, you didn't wanna be with...when you could literally, and I mean LITERALLY, have sex with damn near anybody you wanted to...while single...

I’d rather be single than get into a relationship that doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell, developing into something serious...

I'm not interested in wasting my TIME because it's too valuable. I'm not interested in wasting my ENERGY because I'm quite sure someone else will be more deserving and appreciate it. More importantly, I'm not about wasting my AFFECTION, on someone who shows me they're not even interested because if I fall for you and you do some corny s***...I'm getting you fired from your job and I'm hiring a homeless man to follow you every damn where you go who sings jingles; try me! I don't care how incredibly attractive you are or how solid your sex resume is because that does little for US in the long run! Let me know if you want a friends with benefits type relationship. Let me know if you just want someone who you can talk to and kick it with. Let (hand clap) me (hand clap) know (hand clap, hand clap)! Ice cream sounds good on a hot summer's day right? Well so does a relationship, for the hopeless romantic and for those who don't care sh*t about romance and just want a nut- it sounds like a burden. All I'm saying is: give me a say in the matter and don't lead me on and have me thinking one thing, when it's completely the opposite. At some point, all that fake interest is only gonna get you hurt in the long run (mentally and possibly physically) and I ain't got the time, energy, nor affection for the fake ssh**- that's the real TEA!

I’d rather be single than get serious with someone who lacks qualities like drive, ambition and compassion...

I just can't see myself building with someone who doesn't see more for themselves. At least Martin had a dream, some of y'all only have "get rich quick schemes" or you're waiting on your parents to die, so you can collect that life insurance money or you're waiting around for your dream career to knock at that damn door so you can be like...

...and ain't nobody got time for that biiihhhhh! I need to know that if you lost everything you had right now, do you have it in you to get it all back!? Now, of course if we're together, I'm gonna be there for you, but I wanna know do YOU, have it in you! I want someone who is attractive- I need someone who compliments me...and when I say "compliment, I don't mean someone that tells me I look good in a red cardigan because I know that already. I want someone who knows what it means to hustle- I need someone who has drive to get it by any means. Confidence is great, but ambition speaks from the very depth of who you are! Are you headed in the right direction? Do you have understanding of self...understanding of who I am...what we could be? Do you trust me to be the person I say I am/show you to be, hell, do you trust yourself? Are you willing to communicate your wants, needs, concerns, through all the ups and downs? Are you willing to be honest to not only me but to yourself? Well, if you find those things difficult, then I'm not the one for you.

I rather be single than deal with someone who isn't fully over their ex...

I know and you know that you aren't fully over your ex, I mean,


f**k outta here wit that bs! But seriously tho, if you still have any feelings left for your ex, then you and I can't be. How can you entertain a potential future with me, while you're ex is still very present? You're looking for me to help mend your broken heart but you're allowing this guy over here play battle ship with the pieces? In a way, now that I think about it...if you're fu**ing around with your ex and you fu**ing around with me...I mean, by default, I'm...I'm the side (BBM shocked face)! Now, I can pretend that I won't be hurt if you decided to let him eat your booty like groceries but even Maury knows what time it is...


I can take you to Paris, buy you diamonds, massage you from head to toe every other night, take you to see Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill in concert, I mean, hell, we can even role play and dress up like them and if you want...you can get your friend with the big breast and chubby stomach to dress up as Nicki's ex...ok, nevermind...

I can cook for you, d*** you down on reg, hell, I can even eat your booty like groceries, but if you're still involved with your ex, and I mean even in the slightest fashion...that's a game I won't even win, sh**, won't even place in. How can I have your heart, when ol boy still has the key to it?

Let that marinate...

I would love to wake up next to my queen every single day, for the rest of my life and tell her how her breath smells like police corruption and billy goat sh**. I want love. I want someone to call my own, just like I'm sure many of you want as well but these situationships, textships, and having a fallback game soooo strong isn't healthy...I don't care what you tell me- it ain't healthy! Do you really see yourself waking up to the smell of our cat's sh** coming from the bathroom? Do you really see yourself having brunch, every single Sunday after church by yourself? If you're not ready to commit to be in a relationship, don't waste anyone's time and definitely don't lead someone on because more than likely the end result won't end well. Get yourself together before you even consider having someone come into your life. Also, stop looking at what someone else is offering and make sure you can offer what it is that you're looking for and then some! F*** does it matter if that person can give you loyalty when you can't respect him/her. F*** does it matter if they're gonna be faithful while you're out and about cheating. F*** does it matter if they can see a future with you and you're still in the past, trying to piece together a relationship that went wrong. Remain, single, until, you're, completely, ready, to, invest! I mean,

sh**, I'm not gettin laid either!

Before I forget...

red flags...sh*t that makes your eyebrows raise, but you often times ignore
- example: when you ask a question, he/she usually answers "some" of it and says something like, "it don't mater babe, that was a long time ago..." and that sh*t matters like cops killing unarmed Black men!

dealbreakers...something you tend to bend on, but you know it aint/wont be cool later down the line.
- example: showing up late to dates...constantly.

nonnegotiables...sh** that ain't cool, and should be checked when it happens
- example: smoking...not weed, but cigs.


*class dismissed*

any comments, questions, concerns you may have...leave below or shoot me an email: brotharenaissance@gmail.com

@renaissance_brotha_

I'm Sorry But...You're Marrying The Wrong Guy

Now, it's rare that I touch on matters of the heart when it comes to us (men) and how we tend to deal with heartache and anything else associated with it. It's one of those things that we try not to talk about, for we fear how we'll be perceived by others; so fu** it- we keep our feelings/emotions ourselves. I'm not sure how many men will openly admit to this, but I know the following statement is something I can personally identify with: it's hard living with the fact, that the woman you saw yourself spending the rest of your life with...has moved on to spend her life with someone else.

*gasp*

I've dealt with it. It's not hard to admit now, but before that wasn't the case. It's a surreal feeling:

one minute you're planning out the day you wanna propose and how that's gonna look, who you wanna invite to the baby shower, living arrangements, sex hours once she's prego (not in that order), and the next min...you find yourself trying to piece your life back together.

You ever feel like the last person took every single bit of you: mentally and emotionally? Well, imagine doing that while in a relationship. "You don't know what you got till its gone," is what they say but what happens if you knew exactly what you had, but you didn't know how to hold on to it? You don't have your sh** together. You're still dealing with baggage from the last relationship. You struggle with insecurities and sometimes those insecurities run so deep within you, that you begin to question why the person is even with you! Each and everyone one of us deals with something that can potentially hinder us from moving forward.

We as men might not never, ever outwardly admit it, but there's that one woman who we feel is/was the ONE for us, who got away for whatever reason. Sh** happens. Life happens. And sometimes s*** happens in life, that can either makes us or breaks us! I've learned that in order for life to make us better, we have to break:

• break away from bad habits/old ways

• break down emotional and mentally (yes, crying cleanses the soul)

• break away from those with bad intentions or who seek to hinder our progression

So, in order for life to "make us better," we must first be broken down and rebuild from the breakage!

All of what you're about to read is 110% authentic and true from the heart. If it feels like I'm taking directly to you, I am. Read this piece as if you and I are having a one on one convo. Read this piece with an open heart and mind. For all the men who can identify with losing that "one"- this is for you. To all the ladies- enjoy. To the ex, who has moved on and is happy, I'm sorry but

...you're marrying the wrong guy.

*class is in session*

I know you're reading this. I know that because I know you. I've had a lot of time to myself since the break up. I mean, it's been years and I've tried to move on but for some reason I couldn't because every single thing reminded me of you! We've had a few convos but eh. The reason why I couldn't move on is because I never was honest with myself about why we broke up. I was a di**. I'm not saying I was a complete d*** the entire time we were together but as the roller coaster stopped peaking, I became a different man. That night I came to you on your birthday ,the year you were set to move- I meant every word. See, I thought...well, never mind, here's the truth:

WHAT I THOUGHT WAS...

(N)ope..."my pride won't let me admit as a man that I f**ked up. I'm sure I'll regret this one day but right now, RIGHT NOW!? I can't admit that I'm hurt because you're deciding to finally leave..."

THE HARSH REALITY...

As a man, we think and/or say that to ourselves or to our partner once the relationship is coming to an end. All those times we put pride over you and not fully understanding the impact it will have on the relationship over a period of time- will f*** us up something serious. When you would call/text? My pride declined/ignored. You wanted to talk face to face? I'm prideful, I'm nonchalant, I'm dismissive, or sarcastic to the point nothing gets resolved. "Babe, maybe we should go see somebody about us..." But I think we should f*** and get over it. All those times when I should've said sorry or you're right, or apologized? Eh, instead it was,

"f*** you! Ok... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, just- you just make me so angry that I can't control my anger!"

Now all those times have led us here; me here and you there...with someone else. All those times I said,

"If you don't like the way I act or treat you, why you with me, huh?! Because I'm not holding you hostage you know, you can always find someone else!"

Those words...I meant them within the moment but not overall. One can only be hurt but so much and I guess you knew something I didn't. All those damn arguments and where did it get us, huh? Well, you knew. You knew and you gave me chance after chance to correct myself, not for the betterment of myself, but for the betterment of us. Thing about it is...I loved my pride a little more than you and ironically, that same pride is what destroyed us. 

WHAT I KNOW NOW...

Pride kills and hinders, so kill the pride or you'll hinder your heart and the person you give it to. 

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID...

(Y)ou.. "wanna talk every single time there's an issue and I just don't feel it's important to discuss the little sh**! I been working on things you say you have a problem with but I swear you don't do the same sh*t! STOP WIT THE F***IN BIT**IN AND GET YA SH** TOGETHER OR IM OUT!"

HARSH REALITY

I found it hard to talk to you. Nothing you did honestly, just, I held onto a lot of what I say my parents go thru growing up. Now, I won't make excuses or give you some bullsh** ass justification- we as men just suck when it comes to things like that. Those first couple of years of the relationship are tough grounds when it comes to communicating our issues. For women, it's second nature. How can I admit that I'm wrong or I've mistreated you as a man, without looking/sounding like a bi***? That's my truth. I rationalized as: if I admit that I'm wrong, if I express how I really feel...I'm gonna come across like I'm soft! Once again, that last sentence is a clear example of me having too much pride! Learning how to communicate when there's a problem starts at home when you're young. For some of us, we were never taught to express ourselves especially as boys. Your father didn't wanna hear that crying s***!

"Man up! Stop with that crying, you sound like a little girl!"

If we've experienced getting cut off while we're trying to express ourselves- we shut down. When the convo goes from: inside voice to outside voice- we tune you out. If these things (and more) continuously happen, we'll become uncomfortable and shut down or react in an irrational manner. When it comes to insecurities, those can stem from: a past friendship/relationship, the loss of a parent, not having a parent around, or maybe it's a generational curse.

"I don't know how to communicate to you because my mother/father didn't do that with me," lies true with a lot men.

My pops didn't (verbally) communicate to me...he whipped my ass. My mother did her best but she died right before I could actually learn something of value from her and my step moms did her best but...bless her heart. Life's experiences taught me how to better communicate.

There were times I would come to you and say, "I don't like it when you do this or that," or "I hate it that you accuse me of yada yada and it's not even true," and you would turn around and say, "ok babe, I'll work on it." And you did work on it but...I was blind to the fact that you were making an attempt to change for the betterment of us because all I would do is bring up old sh** and make it relevant again. So, like a d***, I would continuously point out the little sh** and make it bigger than it really was. You wanted for me to acknowledge the fact that you're taking steps to make things right and all I did was find a way to discredit you. How can one see the good in a person, when you don't see the good they do? Read that one more time. You changed for us, but I changed us...for the worse. 

WHAT I KNOW NOW... 

Communication is key. Too many times we as men use the excuse of "not being good at communicating our feelings," but are quick to communicate when we want sex- funny how that works. Knowing how to communicate effectively, cuts down on misunderstandings and mistreatment within the relationship. I should've came to you more to ease the tension amongst us. I should've expressed, how I felt all those times you cried about me not understanding the strain I was putting on the relationship. I should've talked more...

WHAT I'VE SAID

(L)ove... "you? How can you think I don't love you, sh** I love you more than I love my damn self! I f*** up, I can admit that but don't say I don't love you because I do..."

We as men will play these games and get to the end of playing them to only realize we were losing all along.

I took your love for granted- "nah, she ain't goin nowhere bro, I got this!"

I manipulated you- "If you don't like the things I say or do then why you with me to begin with! You think someone is gonna put up with that kid sh** you do?!"

...but what I really meant was,

"if you don't like what I say or do then leave because I'm not about to kiss your ass but if you do leave then ima make you feel bad about that sh** every second, minute, hour, day you're away!"

I alienated you within the relationship- "ok, you lettin me stay with you and I appreciate that but I don't feel the need to talk to you all the damn time! We been together how long now...what else is there to talk about if you text me all day! Sh** is annoying...I'll talk to you when I feel like it."

I threatened to leave. I disrespected you. But through all that, I had the audacity to turn around and say, "I love you." You grew tired of that sh**, like most women do but you stayed because you didn't know what else was out there for you because all you knew was me...

till you left.

I knew how much you loved me and how much it hurt to see me begging for that chance but you needed to do something for you, for once.

There...there were times who you cried yourself to sleep and me wrapping my arm around you just didn't work. Who cares that I cooked for you, when the night before I put you through hell! I never did or said anything to maliciously hurt you, I hope you understand. 

THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS...

(E)ternally...I'm grateful because you've helped me become a better man...

We all have that "one" that we see ourselves settling down with. We are gonna make mistakes, I guess that's in the nature of being a man. I thought the love you had for a person ended when you no longer had that person but...I was wrong. I wasn't honest with myself because for the longest time, I never let go of my mother promising to love me forever and never leaving so much so I placed those burdens on our relationship. I always thought you would leave me like she did so I pushed because who wants to feel that hurt again?. You may never love me the same and I'm fine with that. I know you're happy...my soul is at ease, finally, because I know you're happy. I just wanted that one chance, one opportunity to show you I had my sh** together and I was the man you needed but, it was too late. I lost everything when I lost you; literally and figuratively speaking and it was my own doing. As as you're happy, I'm good. The Bible says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord," so I guess the guy who decides to marry you, obtains that favor. I'm not even sure if you're still with the same guy but all I do know is...you're marrying the wrong man and nothing will ever change that feeling. We as men might not never admit that we can see ourselves with just one, starting a family with just one, getting down on one knee for just one, spending the rest of our lives with just one...but I can...I have. For all those times you cried and I didn't care. For all those times you wanted me to listen, that I didn't hear. For all those times you put you before we and I put pride in the middle of that. For all those times you were right, and I wasn't. For all those times you held on to us and I let ago...I'm sorry. The last thing you said to me was,

"I...I'm not in love with you anymore,"

But I knew that before that night.

A Different World Wedding

@renaissance_brotha_

So She Cheated on You, With Dave From Work

*class is in session*

Whenever you hear there’s been cheating in a relationship, I'm almost certain your mind jumps directly to placing blame on the man!

"DAMN! I wonder how SHE’S doin”…or “Just like a dude to cheat, mmhmm…they all DOGS!”

Yes, dudes cheat, just like the person who didn't bother to study in Math class for the test, but is psst'in at you for the answers to numbers 1-25! Truth be told tho... this isn't always the case. I will be the very first to admit that (some) men ain't (worth) sh*t! I will also be the first to admit that (some) females ain't (worth) sh*t! Just because society paints the picture that men cheat more times than women, doesn't negate the fact that a woman will creep her ass into the bed of a man who is NOT her own; it just proves that society sucks.

- a man will usually cheat based on how a woman looks, i.e. how big her breast and ass are and if she will arch her back and point her toes all night.

- a woman will usually cheat based on how emotionally secure she feels in the relationship/marriage, trust, yada yada.

SnappleFact #99 - Females are more emotional than males, so the tendency for a woman to cheat, is far more greater than that of a man.

Before you get up and arms ladies, take a second to actually consider what has JUST been said...

When you think about how cheating begins for a female, it's usually based outta emotions. Not the physical aspect of things, but E-MO-TIONS! Just because you’re not sleeping in his bed or vice versa, doesn't mean it’s not cheating, cause it is…it’s emotional cheating and that ladies, constitutes as cheating. So what happens if a guy is actually faithful to his woman and he finds out she’s been creepin' around like TLC in the 90s? Well, continue to read...

Now, have I cheated on someone? YES, and I will leave it at that because contrary to popular belief, when you're young and dumb, cheating is justifiable. Now before you stop reading, know that it was emotionally and I actually told my partner. She didn't find out elsewhere; she wasn't on MySpace lurkin'. She wasn't hittin' up the girls in my top 8. I mean sh*t, she wasn't even on FB going crazy every time a female friend posted on my wall. We had a convo, I admitted to her how I felt and guess what happened...

WE WORKED IT OUT! It took us sometime to get past it but guess what else...we did,

But I digress...

Now have I been cheated on...hell-mother-f***in' yes! Till this day it hurts because in my mind: I was doing everything a BF was suppose to be doing at the time (early 20s). A man canf*** a 100 different women but the moment, and I mean the very moment his woman steps out on him and into the bed with another man and he finds out, he's devastated! Wanna hurt a man's ego ladies: tell'em his pee-pee is small, his hairline is receding, he's a bum, or that you had sex with some other man.

"Yeaaaa, that's why I cheated on you with the bartender from Friday's and his penis was better and bigger and your brother wanna get with me!"

The chances of her actually cheating with the good lookin' guy who sits across from her in class is slim. 7/10: she's gonna cheat because there's a lack of understanding in the relationship/marriage.

When you think about how two people who have an interest in each other transition from being friends and then to GF/BF and then husband and wife, you think about this:

D-irection

U-nderstanding
T-rust
C-ommunication
H-onesty

Now I won't go into detail about what D.U.T.C.H. is because the book drops next year and future blogs explain yada yada yada but, when there's a lack of direction, that takes a toll on the understanding the two of you have as a couple. Because a man is not “Mr. Right (Now)”, women will seek comfort in "Mr. For The Moment" aka a dude that can AND will give her all the attention and time she yearns for. If she’s cheated with someone else and the feelings that have been developed are emotionally based and you find out and decide to stick around and work it out; man, I hope you been baggin' chicks off Instagram or Twitter because it now will become THAT much harder to put up with her afterwards; sh*t I know this from experience. I remember have a convo with one of my homeboy's, who was cheated on for whatever reason(s) and he asked me, “how do you stay w/ her B, when she loves someone else?” (sounds like the beginning to a love song right?

If you love her and she's on board to make things better, do it, but if you know deep down you won't be able to trust her the same, don't even waste your time. If you poll men on your IG timeline or your Twitter followers or your FB friends right now and asked them, "would you stay with your women if she cheated?" I put money on it that a good majority of them would say no. On the flipside tho: females will stay and try to make things better until their mind and heart tells them to leave. I've said it before: without trust, you have nothing! Trust is like the cheese...in Mac n' Cheese

For MOST guys, we don't wanna have to think about another man spending time with our woman especially if they're like...

• model like in the face
• tall in height
• comedic sense of humor
• body of a Greek god
• can hold a note like Justin Timberlake

Me personally...

I'm putting a tracking device on you because who knows what you're capable of and if you think @DjSinCity718 is some dude from the Bronx...yo monkey ass better guess again!

Cheating on a man does damage ladies! We can't just, "man up!" after finding out you let you some ol' dude from the club eat ya ass; that was our Friday night thing! Dudes will either:

A) try to work things out

B) be hurt and move on

or C) turn into doosh-bags

and more times than none, dudes will become dogs. #FoodForThought: what you do, will always dictate & have an impact in the lives of others.

When you think about what kills guys the most when it comes to relationships: it's pride and ego. Ego tells them, "you know how good you look? She cheated on you, bro, that b**** wasn't sh*t to begin with!". Pride tells them, "you know you love her more than Kanye loves to rant...but right now, you hate her more than Kanye hates the paparazzi...let that hoe go bro."

I'll be the first one to admit: men aren't that smart when it comes to matters of the heart. Most men (yes, MOST) aren't looking for signs of their woman cheating unless the signs are completely obvious and I mean they have to be on some,

*text message to her phone reads*

"It was good seeing you babe last nite...I love the way you sucked my d*** till it came hehe... i shuda warned u babe. We on for Sunday afternoon still?"

I remember seeing that text on one of my ex GF's phone when I was checking to see what time it was. Till this day, she doesn't know I know that text was sent (unless she's reading this, which I doubt it).

The point is, no dude is gonna hawk a woman's social networks every other hour on the hour; that's what chicks do. Women cheat for many different reasons but what we as men have to stop doing is allowing that situation to change us into something we're not! There's never a need to take it out on the next one. There's never a need to lie to ourselves when we know good-and-damn-well we're not completely over the pain from the past. I know some of the hardest of men who still can't keep a woman because of that one girl who treated them wrong. I've been thru enough to know that sometimes, sh*t ain't worth repairing with someone because deep down inside, you know that person ain't worth sh*t! Sticking around after the hurt shows you're forgiving and leaving shows a sign of maturity and acceptance. Don't stick around because you think it's the right thing to do, hell, you'll end up f***in yourself up even more and that's far worse than lying to yourself. Never get yourself into the habit of lying to yourself...because once you go searching for that truth, it'll be hard to find.

@renaissance_brotha_