I'm Sorry But...You're Marrying The Wrong Guy

Now, it's rare that I touch on matters of the heart when it comes to us (men) and how we tend to deal with heartache and anything else associated with it. It's one of those things that we try not to talk about, for we fear how we'll be perceived by others; so fu** it- we keep our feelings/emotions ourselves. I'm not sure how many men will openly admit to this, but I know the following statement is something I can personally identify with: it's hard living with the fact, that the woman you saw yourself spending the rest of your life with...has moved on to spend her life with someone else.

*gasp*

I've dealt with it. It's not hard to admit now, but before that wasn't the case. It's a surreal feeling:

one minute you're planning out the day you wanna propose and how that's gonna look, who you wanna invite to the baby shower, living arrangements, sex hours once she's prego (not in that order), and the next min...you find yourself trying to piece your life back together.

You ever feel like the last person took every single bit of you: mentally and emotionally? Well, imagine doing that while in a relationship. "You don't know what you got till its gone," is what they say but what happens if you knew exactly what you had, but you didn't know how to hold on to it? You don't have your sh** together. You're still dealing with baggage from the last relationship. You struggle with insecurities and sometimes those insecurities run so deep within you, that you begin to question why the person is even with you! Each and everyone one of us deals with something that can potentially hinder us from moving forward.

We as men might not never, ever outwardly admit it, but there's that one woman who we feel is/was the ONE for us, who got away for whatever reason. Sh** happens. Life happens. And sometimes s*** happens in life, that can either makes us or breaks us! I've learned that in order for life to make us better, we have to break:

• break away from bad habits/old ways

• break down emotional and mentally (yes, crying cleanses the soul)

• break away from those with bad intentions or who seek to hinder our progression

So, in order for life to "make us better," we must first be broken down and rebuild from the breakage!

All of what you're about to read is 110% authentic and true from the heart. If it feels like I'm taking directly to you, I am. Read this piece as if you and I are having a one on one convo. Read this piece with an open heart and mind. For all the men who can identify with losing that "one"- this is for you. To all the ladies- enjoy. To the ex, who has moved on and is happy, I'm sorry but

...you're marrying the wrong guy.

*class is in session*

I know you're reading this. I know that because I know you. I've had a lot of time to myself since the break up. I mean, it's been years and I've tried to move on but for some reason I couldn't because every single thing reminded me of you! We've had a few convos but eh. The reason why I couldn't move on is because I never was honest with myself about why we broke up. I was a di**. I'm not saying I was a complete d*** the entire time we were together but as the roller coaster stopped peaking, I became a different man. That night I came to you on your birthday ,the year you were set to move- I meant every word. See, I thought...well, never mind, here's the truth:

WHAT I THOUGHT WAS...

(N)ope..."my pride won't let me admit as a man that I f**ked up. I'm sure I'll regret this one day but right now, RIGHT NOW!? I can't admit that I'm hurt because you're deciding to finally leave..."

THE HARSH REALITY...

As a man, we think and/or say that to ourselves or to our partner once the relationship is coming to an end. All those times we put pride over you and not fully understanding the impact it will have on the relationship over a period of time- will f*** us up something serious. When you would call/text? My pride declined/ignored. You wanted to talk face to face? I'm prideful, I'm nonchalant, I'm dismissive, or sarcastic to the point nothing gets resolved. "Babe, maybe we should go see somebody about us..." But I think we should f*** and get over it. All those times when I should've said sorry or you're right, or apologized? Eh, instead it was,

"f*** you! Ok... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, just- you just make me so angry that I can't control my anger!"

Now all those times have led us here; me here and you there...with someone else. All those times I said,

"If you don't like the way I act or treat you, why you with me, huh?! Because I'm not holding you hostage you know, you can always find someone else!"

Those words...I meant them within the moment but not overall. One can only be hurt but so much and I guess you knew something I didn't. All those damn arguments and where did it get us, huh? Well, you knew. You knew and you gave me chance after chance to correct myself, not for the betterment of myself, but for the betterment of us. Thing about it is...I loved my pride a little more than you and ironically, that same pride is what destroyed us. 

WHAT I KNOW NOW...

Pride kills and hinders, so kill the pride or you'll hinder your heart and the person you give it to. 

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID...

(Y)ou.. "wanna talk every single time there's an issue and I just don't feel it's important to discuss the little sh**! I been working on things you say you have a problem with but I swear you don't do the same sh*t! STOP WIT THE F***IN BIT**IN AND GET YA SH** TOGETHER OR IM OUT!"

HARSH REALITY

I found it hard to talk to you. Nothing you did honestly, just, I held onto a lot of what I say my parents go thru growing up. Now, I won't make excuses or give you some bullsh** ass justification- we as men just suck when it comes to things like that. Those first couple of years of the relationship are tough grounds when it comes to communicating our issues. For women, it's second nature. How can I admit that I'm wrong or I've mistreated you as a man, without looking/sounding like a bi***? That's my truth. I rationalized as: if I admit that I'm wrong, if I express how I really feel...I'm gonna come across like I'm soft! Once again, that last sentence is a clear example of me having too much pride! Learning how to communicate when there's a problem starts at home when you're young. For some of us, we were never taught to express ourselves especially as boys. Your father didn't wanna hear that crying s***!

"Man up! Stop with that crying, you sound like a little girl!"

If we've experienced getting cut off while we're trying to express ourselves- we shut down. When the convo goes from: inside voice to outside voice- we tune you out. If these things (and more) continuously happen, we'll become uncomfortable and shut down or react in an irrational manner. When it comes to insecurities, those can stem from: a past friendship/relationship, the loss of a parent, not having a parent around, or maybe it's a generational curse.

"I don't know how to communicate to you because my mother/father didn't do that with me," lies true with a lot men.

My pops didn't (verbally) communicate to me...he whipped my ass. My mother did her best but she died right before I could actually learn something of value from her and my step moms did her best but...bless her heart. Life's experiences taught me how to better communicate.

There were times I would come to you and say, "I don't like it when you do this or that," or "I hate it that you accuse me of yada yada and it's not even true," and you would turn around and say, "ok babe, I'll work on it." And you did work on it but...I was blind to the fact that you were making an attempt to change for the betterment of us because all I would do is bring up old sh** and make it relevant again. So, like a d***, I would continuously point out the little sh** and make it bigger than it really was. You wanted for me to acknowledge the fact that you're taking steps to make things right and all I did was find a way to discredit you. How can one see the good in a person, when you don't see the good they do? Read that one more time. You changed for us, but I changed us...for the worse. 

WHAT I KNOW NOW... 

Communication is key. Too many times we as men use the excuse of "not being good at communicating our feelings," but are quick to communicate when we want sex- funny how that works. Knowing how to communicate effectively, cuts down on misunderstandings and mistreatment within the relationship. I should've came to you more to ease the tension amongst us. I should've expressed, how I felt all those times you cried about me not understanding the strain I was putting on the relationship. I should've talked more...

WHAT I'VE SAID

(L)ove... "you? How can you think I don't love you, sh** I love you more than I love my damn self! I f*** up, I can admit that but don't say I don't love you because I do..."

We as men will play these games and get to the end of playing them to only realize we were losing all along.

I took your love for granted- "nah, she ain't goin nowhere bro, I got this!"

I manipulated you- "If you don't like the things I say or do then why you with me to begin with! You think someone is gonna put up with that kid sh** you do?!"

...but what I really meant was,

"if you don't like what I say or do then leave because I'm not about to kiss your ass but if you do leave then ima make you feel bad about that sh** every second, minute, hour, day you're away!"

I alienated you within the relationship- "ok, you lettin me stay with you and I appreciate that but I don't feel the need to talk to you all the damn time! We been together how long now...what else is there to talk about if you text me all day! Sh** is annoying...I'll talk to you when I feel like it."

I threatened to leave. I disrespected you. But through all that, I had the audacity to turn around and say, "I love you." You grew tired of that sh**, like most women do but you stayed because you didn't know what else was out there for you because all you knew was me...

till you left.

I knew how much you loved me and how much it hurt to see me begging for that chance but you needed to do something for you, for once.

There...there were times who you cried yourself to sleep and me wrapping my arm around you just didn't work. Who cares that I cooked for you, when the night before I put you through hell! I never did or said anything to maliciously hurt you, I hope you understand. 

THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS...

(E)ternally...I'm grateful because you've helped me become a better man...

We all have that "one" that we see ourselves settling down with. We are gonna make mistakes, I guess that's in the nature of being a man. I thought the love you had for a person ended when you no longer had that person but...I was wrong. I wasn't honest with myself because for the longest time, I never let go of my mother promising to love me forever and never leaving so much so I placed those burdens on our relationship. I always thought you would leave me like she did so I pushed because who wants to feel that hurt again?. You may never love me the same and I'm fine with that. I know you're happy...my soul is at ease, finally, because I know you're happy. I just wanted that one chance, one opportunity to show you I had my sh** together and I was the man you needed but, it was too late. I lost everything when I lost you; literally and figuratively speaking and it was my own doing. As as you're happy, I'm good. The Bible says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord," so I guess the guy who decides to marry you, obtains that favor. I'm not even sure if you're still with the same guy but all I do know is...you're marrying the wrong man and nothing will ever change that feeling. We as men might not never admit that we can see ourselves with just one, starting a family with just one, getting down on one knee for just one, spending the rest of our lives with just one...but I can...I have. For all those times you cried and I didn't care. For all those times you wanted me to listen, that I didn't hear. For all those times you put you before we and I put pride in the middle of that. For all those times you were right, and I wasn't. For all those times you held on to us and I let ago...I'm sorry. The last thing you said to me was,

"I...I'm not in love with you anymore,"

But I knew that before that night.

A Different World Wedding

@renaissance_brotha_

Make It Nasty

*Warning: the following content is intended for MATURE audiences only*

*Viewers discretion is advised* 

It's almost 2014 and men are STILL acting like pleasuring a woman down below is the equivalent to catching cooties! Fellas, I understand you don't want to be clowned by your homeboys but what you really don't want is one OF your homeboys doing some sh*t you ain't have the time for: e.g. eating your woman out. If you think, RIGHT NOW, some dude on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram, ain't pressuring your woman, to let him come over or vice versa, so he can watch Redbox movies eat your woman's vagina...you are sadly mistaken.

Maybe it's because you still ain't learn from Eat One, Teach One, pt. 1 or maybe it's because you're stuck on stupid or maybe it's because you're more concerned with your NBA/NFL fantasy team, to even bother with going down town and sending your woman to work happier than a kid on Christmas! Whatever your rationale is, I assure you, THIS piece right here, will help you out come sex time...period.

*class is in session*

The idea of part 2 is to make sure you as man, do everything in your powers, to insure a night/morning/afternoon of pure bliss...

and just be a down right freak!!!

Listen, if you're a family member or anything else along those lines...cut your loses now, stop reading, and get ready for Scandal

...because I'm bout to say some sh*t, that'll f*** your perception of me.

Eat It From The Back:

A lot of men are afraid to eat it from the back because the anus is pretty much RIGHT, THERE! Listen, if you're an adult, you should KNOW where that hole is; so don't get behind her and lick all crazy or 8/10 your tongue WILL enter that hole. There isn't a woman alive who doesn't like her p**** ate from the back! Here's what you do fellas: have her come over to you and say some sh*t like, "damn babe, your butt looks bigger (smaller), what you been doing?". This will prompt her to turn around and have her ass in your face. Now, unless she's on her period, I say, just do some sneak sh*t like, idk, start pulling down her- whatever she's wearing and start kissing her ass...men like kissing ass. Bend her over, gently, and if she's wearing panties, pull them suckas to the side, if not, just stick your tongue in, slowwwly. The spontaneity mixed with the pleasure will not only have have her wet, but, cummin' like crazy! Tell her to look back at you while you're eating it...women love lookin' back at it. Your goal is to make sure your sucking on those lips and licking that clit, like it's a cup or pudding or jell-o or whatever it is, that you like.

Let Her Ride Your Face:

This is my personal favorite, why? Because there's nothing like a woman who THINKS she's in control when in reality...she isn't. Some men don't like this sh*t but will two-step they ass out the shower and Electric Slide their penis, into the mouth of their sleeping partner. Aside from rocking a beard; a woman's vagina is one of the sexiest things a man could have on his face. Y'all chillen', layin' around and she get that "itch", don't go down to her, tell her to come up to you! Whisper in her ear, "bae, put that p****, on my face! (Kevin Hart voice)". You know how quick she'll hop on your face? The goal is to make sure she's relaxed, why? Because if she's stiff, her weight will f*** things up and if you thought Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown ass ain't no know how to breathe with no air...yo ass will surely soon find out! Take your time tho. Grab her ass, palm it, smack it, grab her breast, hell, rub your fingers over her wetness, dip'em in your mouth, and play with her nipples, while grabbing on her ass, while eating her out, AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! Your goal is to make her cum so you can slurp all them juices out and if that don't work...

Use a Toy:

Some of you dudes will read this and think, "yo that's gay!". Everything ain't for everybody, I understand that. I also understand that, sometimes, you gotta do a lil' extra and be willing to spice sh*t up. You know how that white guy was looking for something to make his "party pop off" in that Beats Blue Pill commercial? Same applies to sex: use one of her toys (or suggest that she buy one), so that y'all "party" pops off! You can use a dildo, rabbit, or a vibrator to help assist you eat the p****, pick your poison. I'm not telling you to use this as a crutch nor am I suggesting you use one on every girl your encounter (unless they all happen to like that s***) nor am I suggesting that YOU BUY ONE but if you have a long time GF or you're married, I say: fu** it, throw ambition to the wind and get it poppin! If you use a vibrator for instance: allow the vibrator to stimulate her clit, while your tongue, works her insides. A dildo can be used to penetrate her WHILE you work on her clit. Lastly, a rabbit...a rabbit usually has dual capabilities, so, the two of you (toy and tongue) can switch off periodically. Hell, you can even let her suck on the dildo, if you want or "toss her salad" and let the dildo penetrate her vagina and speaking of "tossin her salad"...

Lamborghini Her Doors:

You know how the doors go up on a Lamborghini, that's how her legs should go up when you're tossing her salad. I know y'all like, "whaaatttt!?!?" but let me tell you:

she (claps hands) will (claps hands) go (claps hands) f***in (claps hands) crazy (claps hands) when you stick (claps hands) your (claps hands) tongue (claps hands) in her ass!

It's not for everybody, I understand that. Some women enjoy it, not all the time...but they enjoy it. Before you even consider doing it men:

MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS CLEAN!

(same goes for the kitty cat)

I'm not an ass eating specialist but I know if you start eating her out and wet your index finger up and slide it in her "tunnel of love" and then roll your tongue upwards and then use two other fingers to pleasure her...s**t will get real!

Get on Your Knees:

"You got a job, you got degrees/but so wat playa, get on yo kneeeess!" (In my Khia voice...you know, the chick from "My Neck, My Back").

Ima keep it alll the way real on this one: when you're on your knees and she's just looking at you, look her dead in the eye and keep doing what you're doing! Women love to have a submissive (and aggressive) guy when it comes down to sex. The submissiveness comes from you being on your knees, giving her all your attention. The aggressiveness comes from when your eating her and talking sh*t to her at the same time,

"You like that shit right?!"

"Hold dem legs, HOLD DEM LEGS!"

"Put ya hand on the back of my head!"

"Push me deeper in that s***!"

You know, shit like that. Women like when you take charge fellas. The goal is to make her cum to the point where her legs shake and she's just cursing you out,

"You ain't shit, you know that!! I was suppose to go out to the club!"

Oh no b****, you ain't goin nowhere!

Not all men are into eating p**** but to the ones who are; I salute you! Now that I think about it, some of you dudes need to read this one and part 1 because you might THINK you're doing something...but you're not. If you expect a woman to put her mouth...on and or around your penis, you should most definitely, put your tongue and lips...in and or around her vagina. The key is to keep her thinking, "is he going suck for x amount mins? Is he gonna lick my clit in circles or up and down?". Keep her on her toes! Use them fingers and spread them lips apart while you let her suck on your other fingers. Suck on her clit, but not too hard. Mix up your licking speeds. Nibble on her clit as well, but make sure you don't Vampire Diaries/True Blood her p****! Make, love, to, her, vagina, fellas; she'll appreciate it, as well as her vagina. Pin her ass on the bed and put her legs back and start from her naval and work your way down...

Never mind.

@renaissance_brotha_

So She Cheated on You, With Dave From Work

*class is in session*

Whenever you hear there’s been cheating in a relationship, I'm almost certain your mind jumps directly to placing blame on the man!

"DAMN! I wonder how SHE’S doin”…or “Just like a dude to cheat, mmhmm…they all DOGS!”

Yes, dudes cheat, just like the person who didn't bother to study in Math class for the test, but is psst'in at you for the answers to numbers 1-25! Truth be told tho... this isn't always the case. I will be the very first to admit that (some) men ain't (worth) sh*t! I will also be the first to admit that (some) females ain't (worth) sh*t! Just because society paints the picture that men cheat more times than women, doesn't negate the fact that a woman will creep her ass into the bed of a man who is NOT her own; it just proves that society sucks.

- a man will usually cheat based on how a woman looks, i.e. how big her breast and ass are and if she will arch her back and point her toes all night.

- a woman will usually cheat based on how emotionally secure she feels in the relationship/marriage, trust, yada yada.

SnappleFact #99 - Females are more emotional than males, so the tendency for a woman to cheat, is far more greater than that of a man.

Before you get up and arms ladies, take a second to actually consider what has JUST been said...

When you think about how cheating begins for a female, it's usually based outta emotions. Not the physical aspect of things, but E-MO-TIONS! Just because you’re not sleeping in his bed or vice versa, doesn't mean it’s not cheating, cause it is…it’s emotional cheating and that ladies, constitutes as cheating. So what happens if a guy is actually faithful to his woman and he finds out she’s been creepin' around like TLC in the 90s? Well, continue to read...

Now, have I cheated on someone? YES, and I will leave it at that because contrary to popular belief, when you're young and dumb, cheating is justifiable. Now before you stop reading, know that it was emotionally and I actually told my partner. She didn't find out elsewhere; she wasn't on MySpace lurkin'. She wasn't hittin' up the girls in my top 8. I mean sh*t, she wasn't even on FB going crazy every time a female friend posted on my wall. We had a convo, I admitted to her how I felt and guess what happened...

WE WORKED IT OUT! It took us sometime to get past it but guess what else...we did,

But I digress...

Now have I been cheated on...hell-mother-f***in' yes! Till this day it hurts because in my mind: I was doing everything a BF was suppose to be doing at the time (early 20s). A man canf*** a 100 different women but the moment, and I mean the very moment his woman steps out on him and into the bed with another man and he finds out, he's devastated! Wanna hurt a man's ego ladies: tell'em his pee-pee is small, his hairline is receding, he's a bum, or that you had sex with some other man.

"Yeaaaa, that's why I cheated on you with the bartender from Friday's and his penis was better and bigger and your brother wanna get with me!"

The chances of her actually cheating with the good lookin' guy who sits across from her in class is slim. 7/10: she's gonna cheat because there's a lack of understanding in the relationship/marriage.

When you think about how two people who have an interest in each other transition from being friends and then to GF/BF and then husband and wife, you think about this:

D-irection

U-nderstanding
T-rust
C-ommunication
H-onesty

Now I won't go into detail about what D.U.T.C.H. is because the book drops next year and future blogs explain yada yada yada but, when there's a lack of direction, that takes a toll on the understanding the two of you have as a couple. Because a man is not “Mr. Right (Now)”, women will seek comfort in "Mr. For The Moment" aka a dude that can AND will give her all the attention and time she yearns for. If she’s cheated with someone else and the feelings that have been developed are emotionally based and you find out and decide to stick around and work it out; man, I hope you been baggin' chicks off Instagram or Twitter because it now will become THAT much harder to put up with her afterwards; sh*t I know this from experience. I remember have a convo with one of my homeboy's, who was cheated on for whatever reason(s) and he asked me, “how do you stay w/ her B, when she loves someone else?” (sounds like the beginning to a love song right?

If you love her and she's on board to make things better, do it, but if you know deep down you won't be able to trust her the same, don't even waste your time. If you poll men on your IG timeline or your Twitter followers or your FB friends right now and asked them, "would you stay with your women if she cheated?" I put money on it that a good majority of them would say no. On the flipside tho: females will stay and try to make things better until their mind and heart tells them to leave. I've said it before: without trust, you have nothing! Trust is like the cheese...in Mac n' Cheese

For MOST guys, we don't wanna have to think about another man spending time with our woman especially if they're like...

• model like in the face
• tall in height
• comedic sense of humor
• body of a Greek god
• can hold a note like Justin Timberlake

Me personally...

I'm putting a tracking device on you because who knows what you're capable of and if you think @DjSinCity718 is some dude from the Bronx...yo monkey ass better guess again!

Cheating on a man does damage ladies! We can't just, "man up!" after finding out you let you some ol' dude from the club eat ya ass; that was our Friday night thing! Dudes will either:

A) try to work things out

B) be hurt and move on

or C) turn into doosh-bags

and more times than none, dudes will become dogs. #FoodForThought: what you do, will always dictate & have an impact in the lives of others.

When you think about what kills guys the most when it comes to relationships: it's pride and ego. Ego tells them, "you know how good you look? She cheated on you, bro, that b**** wasn't sh*t to begin with!". Pride tells them, "you know you love her more than Kanye loves to rant...but right now, you hate her more than Kanye hates the paparazzi...let that hoe go bro."

I'll be the first one to admit: men aren't that smart when it comes to matters of the heart. Most men (yes, MOST) aren't looking for signs of their woman cheating unless the signs are completely obvious and I mean they have to be on some,

*text message to her phone reads*

"It was good seeing you babe last nite...I love the way you sucked my d*** till it came hehe... i shuda warned u babe. We on for Sunday afternoon still?"

I remember seeing that text on one of my ex GF's phone when I was checking to see what time it was. Till this day, she doesn't know I know that text was sent (unless she's reading this, which I doubt it).

The point is, no dude is gonna hawk a woman's social networks every other hour on the hour; that's what chicks do. Women cheat for many different reasons but what we as men have to stop doing is allowing that situation to change us into something we're not! There's never a need to take it out on the next one. There's never a need to lie to ourselves when we know good-and-damn-well we're not completely over the pain from the past. I know some of the hardest of men who still can't keep a woman because of that one girl who treated them wrong. I've been thru enough to know that sometimes, sh*t ain't worth repairing with someone because deep down inside, you know that person ain't worth sh*t! Sticking around after the hurt shows you're forgiving and leaving shows a sign of maturity and acceptance. Don't stick around because you think it's the right thing to do, hell, you'll end up f***in yourself up even more and that's far worse than lying to yourself. Never get yourself into the habit of lying to yourself...because once you go searching for that truth, it'll be hard to find.

@renaissance_brotha_