I'm Sorry But...You're Marrying The Wrong Guy

Now, it's rare that I touch on matters of the heart when it comes to us (men) and how we tend to deal with heartache and anything else associated with it. It's one of those things that we try not to talk about, for we fear how we'll be perceived by others; so fu** it- we keep our feelings/emotions ourselves. I'm not sure how many men will openly admit to this, but I know the following statement is something I can personally identify with: it's hard living with the fact, that the woman you saw yourself spending the rest of your life with...has moved on to spend her life with someone else.

*gasp*

I've dealt with it. It's not hard to admit now, but before that wasn't the case. It's a surreal feeling:

one minute you're planning out the day you wanna propose and how that's gonna look, who you wanna invite to the baby shower, living arrangements, sex hours once she's prego (not in that order), and the next min...you find yourself trying to piece your life back together.

You ever feel like the last person took every single bit of you: mentally and emotionally? Well, imagine doing that while in a relationship. "You don't know what you got till its gone," is what they say but what happens if you knew exactly what you had, but you didn't know how to hold on to it? You don't have your sh** together. You're still dealing with baggage from the last relationship. You struggle with insecurities and sometimes those insecurities run so deep within you, that you begin to question why the person is even with you! Each and everyone one of us deals with something that can potentially hinder us from moving forward.

We as men might not never, ever outwardly admit it, but there's that one woman who we feel is/was the ONE for us, who got away for whatever reason. Sh** happens. Life happens. And sometimes s*** happens in life, that can either makes us or breaks us! I've learned that in order for life to make us better, we have to break:

• break away from bad habits/old ways

• break down emotional and mentally (yes, crying cleanses the soul)

• break away from those with bad intentions or who seek to hinder our progression

So, in order for life to "make us better," we must first be broken down and rebuild from the breakage!

All of what you're about to read is 110% authentic and true from the heart. If it feels like I'm taking directly to you, I am. Read this piece as if you and I are having a one on one convo. Read this piece with an open heart and mind. For all the men who can identify with losing that "one"- this is for you. To all the ladies- enjoy. To the ex, who has moved on and is happy, I'm sorry but

...you're marrying the wrong guy.

*class is in session*

I know you're reading this. I know that because I know you. I've had a lot of time to myself since the break up. I mean, it's been years and I've tried to move on but for some reason I couldn't because every single thing reminded me of you! We've had a few convos but eh. The reason why I couldn't move on is because I never was honest with myself about why we broke up. I was a di**. I'm not saying I was a complete d*** the entire time we were together but as the roller coaster stopped peaking, I became a different man. That night I came to you on your birthday ,the year you were set to move- I meant every word. See, I thought...well, never mind, here's the truth:

WHAT I THOUGHT WAS...

(N)ope..."my pride won't let me admit as a man that I f**ked up. I'm sure I'll regret this one day but right now, RIGHT NOW!? I can't admit that I'm hurt because you're deciding to finally leave..."

THE HARSH REALITY...

As a man, we think and/or say that to ourselves or to our partner once the relationship is coming to an end. All those times we put pride over you and not fully understanding the impact it will have on the relationship over a period of time- will f*** us up something serious. When you would call/text? My pride declined/ignored. You wanted to talk face to face? I'm prideful, I'm nonchalant, I'm dismissive, or sarcastic to the point nothing gets resolved. "Babe, maybe we should go see somebody about us..." But I think we should f*** and get over it. All those times when I should've said sorry or you're right, or apologized? Eh, instead it was,

"f*** you! Ok... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, just- you just make me so angry that I can't control my anger!"

Now all those times have led us here; me here and you there...with someone else. All those times I said,

"If you don't like the way I act or treat you, why you with me, huh?! Because I'm not holding you hostage you know, you can always find someone else!"

Those words...I meant them within the moment but not overall. One can only be hurt but so much and I guess you knew something I didn't. All those damn arguments and where did it get us, huh? Well, you knew. You knew and you gave me chance after chance to correct myself, not for the betterment of myself, but for the betterment of us. Thing about it is...I loved my pride a little more than you and ironically, that same pride is what destroyed us. 

WHAT I KNOW NOW...

Pride kills and hinders, so kill the pride or you'll hinder your heart and the person you give it to. 

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID...

(Y)ou.. "wanna talk every single time there's an issue and I just don't feel it's important to discuss the little sh**! I been working on things you say you have a problem with but I swear you don't do the same sh*t! STOP WIT THE F***IN BIT**IN AND GET YA SH** TOGETHER OR IM OUT!"

HARSH REALITY

I found it hard to talk to you. Nothing you did honestly, just, I held onto a lot of what I say my parents go thru growing up. Now, I won't make excuses or give you some bullsh** ass justification- we as men just suck when it comes to things like that. Those first couple of years of the relationship are tough grounds when it comes to communicating our issues. For women, it's second nature. How can I admit that I'm wrong or I've mistreated you as a man, without looking/sounding like a bi***? That's my truth. I rationalized as: if I admit that I'm wrong, if I express how I really feel...I'm gonna come across like I'm soft! Once again, that last sentence is a clear example of me having too much pride! Learning how to communicate when there's a problem starts at home when you're young. For some of us, we were never taught to express ourselves especially as boys. Your father didn't wanna hear that crying s***!

"Man up! Stop with that crying, you sound like a little girl!"

If we've experienced getting cut off while we're trying to express ourselves- we shut down. When the convo goes from: inside voice to outside voice- we tune you out. If these things (and more) continuously happen, we'll become uncomfortable and shut down or react in an irrational manner. When it comes to insecurities, those can stem from: a past friendship/relationship, the loss of a parent, not having a parent around, or maybe it's a generational curse.

"I don't know how to communicate to you because my mother/father didn't do that with me," lies true with a lot men.

My pops didn't (verbally) communicate to me...he whipped my ass. My mother did her best but she died right before I could actually learn something of value from her and my step moms did her best but...bless her heart. Life's experiences taught me how to better communicate.

There were times I would come to you and say, "I don't like it when you do this or that," or "I hate it that you accuse me of yada yada and it's not even true," and you would turn around and say, "ok babe, I'll work on it." And you did work on it but...I was blind to the fact that you were making an attempt to change for the betterment of us because all I would do is bring up old sh** and make it relevant again. So, like a d***, I would continuously point out the little sh** and make it bigger than it really was. You wanted for me to acknowledge the fact that you're taking steps to make things right and all I did was find a way to discredit you. How can one see the good in a person, when you don't see the good they do? Read that one more time. You changed for us, but I changed us...for the worse. 

WHAT I KNOW NOW... 

Communication is key. Too many times we as men use the excuse of "not being good at communicating our feelings," but are quick to communicate when we want sex- funny how that works. Knowing how to communicate effectively, cuts down on misunderstandings and mistreatment within the relationship. I should've came to you more to ease the tension amongst us. I should've expressed, how I felt all those times you cried about me not understanding the strain I was putting on the relationship. I should've talked more...

WHAT I'VE SAID

(L)ove... "you? How can you think I don't love you, sh** I love you more than I love my damn self! I f*** up, I can admit that but don't say I don't love you because I do..."

We as men will play these games and get to the end of playing them to only realize we were losing all along.

I took your love for granted- "nah, she ain't goin nowhere bro, I got this!"

I manipulated you- "If you don't like the things I say or do then why you with me to begin with! You think someone is gonna put up with that kid sh** you do?!"

...but what I really meant was,

"if you don't like what I say or do then leave because I'm not about to kiss your ass but if you do leave then ima make you feel bad about that sh** every second, minute, hour, day you're away!"

I alienated you within the relationship- "ok, you lettin me stay with you and I appreciate that but I don't feel the need to talk to you all the damn time! We been together how long now...what else is there to talk about if you text me all day! Sh** is annoying...I'll talk to you when I feel like it."

I threatened to leave. I disrespected you. But through all that, I had the audacity to turn around and say, "I love you." You grew tired of that sh**, like most women do but you stayed because you didn't know what else was out there for you because all you knew was me...

till you left.

I knew how much you loved me and how much it hurt to see me begging for that chance but you needed to do something for you, for once.

There...there were times who you cried yourself to sleep and me wrapping my arm around you just didn't work. Who cares that I cooked for you, when the night before I put you through hell! I never did or said anything to maliciously hurt you, I hope you understand. 

THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS...

(E)ternally...I'm grateful because you've helped me become a better man...

We all have that "one" that we see ourselves settling down with. We are gonna make mistakes, I guess that's in the nature of being a man. I thought the love you had for a person ended when you no longer had that person but...I was wrong. I wasn't honest with myself because for the longest time, I never let go of my mother promising to love me forever and never leaving so much so I placed those burdens on our relationship. I always thought you would leave me like she did so I pushed because who wants to feel that hurt again?. You may never love me the same and I'm fine with that. I know you're happy...my soul is at ease, finally, because I know you're happy. I just wanted that one chance, one opportunity to show you I had my sh** together and I was the man you needed but, it was too late. I lost everything when I lost you; literally and figuratively speaking and it was my own doing. As as you're happy, I'm good. The Bible says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord," so I guess the guy who decides to marry you, obtains that favor. I'm not even sure if you're still with the same guy but all I do know is...you're marrying the wrong man and nothing will ever change that feeling. We as men might not never admit that we can see ourselves with just one, starting a family with just one, getting down on one knee for just one, spending the rest of our lives with just one...but I can...I have. For all those times you cried and I didn't care. For all those times you wanted me to listen, that I didn't hear. For all those times you put you before we and I put pride in the middle of that. For all those times you were right, and I wasn't. For all those times you held on to us and I let ago...I'm sorry. The last thing you said to me was,

"I...I'm not in love with you anymore,"

But I knew that before that night.

A Different World Wedding

@renaissance_brotha_

Fumbles & Interceptions

Before I start, just a few things:

• chivalry has been around for, idk, forever! So with that being said: a guy (because this seems to be an issue [some] women have with [some] men) texting you "good morning" is NOT chivalry; it's just a kind gesture.
• communication is a two way street: not a one way or a dead end; #ThinkAboutIt
•keep your relationship problems/issues off of social networking sites...we don't care about'em! If its a cry for attention you want...hit up the person you're in the relationship with! The moment you post "x y z" someone is gonna chime in with "a b c" and you gonna be a-n-g-r-y.
•if you're near 30 or in your 30s...stop acting like you're in your early 20s/mid 20s; men and women. All the stubbornness, sense of entitlement, faking interest, so on and so forth will only get you put on that "Summer Jam" screen f****ng around, period.

*class is in session*

Let me tell you right now that this blog will focus on the mistakes we as men make in relationships; nothing more nothing less. I as a man have made tons of mistakes which is why my ex is my ex but I have learned from those mistakes and I would like to believe I am a better man for it.

To say that women are to blame for ALL relationship issues, is absurd. To say that there WON'T be bumps along the way, is ridiculous. To say that they have this virtual market where you can buy hair, clothes, diet supplements, weed, henny coladas, food, and damn near a spouse and we call this place Instagram...is down right ludicrous!

But I digress

We as men get too comfortable early in the relationship and forget that consistency is key. We forget that: whatever we did to win you over, should be done to keep you there as well. If we get you to let your guard down, we're content and that...is where we f*** up! So without further ado, here are some relationship mistakes us as guys make...

Ok...So Now What:
We meet the girl, get to know her, date, get to know her some more, date more, f***, date even more, f*** some more, get into a relationship, send flowers randomly,do a bunch of romantic sh*t, listen to her complain about how much she hates working at Victoria Secret on weekends, we cuddle up and watch Bad Girls Club when we'd rather watch a blind person change a baby's diaper in a snow storm, I mean, we do all this stuff and then...we fall flat. We're caring, affectionate, honest, and open in the beginning, thinking that because we've, "won her heart" if you will, we can kick our feet up; negative.

Fellas, the worst thing you can do is slack off. She kept you at a distance to get a better understanding of you, you won her over, now you're the one being distant and you're mad because she's starting to grow distant? Bruh! Once you push her to that point of no return, it'll be late night R&B mixed with crying, wishing you can get that ol thang back! The same attention you gave her in the beginning, keep that consistent throughout the relationship.

I Can See Myself With You, Like...Forever:
On one side of the coin: you'll get the guy who is afraid of commitment and on the other side of that coin: you'll get the guy who will let you know, "I can see me spending my life with you," only after knowing you a few months! "Yea, I can see you being my queen! We'd make some good lookin babies. Plus, moms is talkin about grandkids.

Wait a min, wait a min - Kevin Hart voice.

For some females, that's enough to change the number, change the Twitter name, deactivate the FB, and start a whole new Instagram! Fellas, take it eaassy! Forever tho? Forever is a mighty long time to spend with a person you've only known for 2 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days. Pump ya brakes. Let time take its course and if it's meant to be, it will be.

Another Again/..That's It?:
First few months we're like ANIMALS! You can't keep us from jumping on top you any opportunity we get,

In the mirror while you're doing your hair/in the shower while you're applying Nair/by the cabinets where the dishes go/in back row of the movie theaters, on the low

After some months pass, females are left asking, "is that it...?". Some dudes get into relationships and think minimal sex is cool and don't realize and what happens is that, weeks go by, and we haven't even considered to have sex because subconsciously, them weeks really feel like only a few days. Contrary to popular belief, sex is a major deal in most relationships (I stand by that last sentence). Now on the flip side of that you have dudes that want it too much (yes, I said too much). For some females who work, go to school, have to come home cook and clean...sex can be the last thing on her mind. I know you read that but seriously, think about that for a minute or two. It's not that she doesn't want sex, it's just, she doesn't want it all the time and what happens is that because we as men don't understand, we take that as, "oh this b**** wanna act up and not f***? Cool, let me go f*** wit a side jawn!"

Bruh!

Learn to compromise! period, point, blank!

Attention Deficit:

One of the things I know to be certain is that when you pay lil attention to your partner...your partner will give her attention elsewhere. It's like we're there physically but mentally, we've checked out. I'm not saying, quit your job, diss ya homeboys, or spend less time with your family just to be all up, under her now, but ignoring her? Will be the quickest way to have every Big Sean, Justin Timberlake, Rick Ross, Trey Songz, Lil' Mama in the face, look-a-like at her door wanting to "do it for the Vine" inside her...and trust me...she will let 'em do it.  The sad thing about it is, she'll actually consider entertaining them because you have now created what I like to call, "The Attention Void". Don't let it get to a point where you begin to lose sight of who she is and the reasons you're with her. Either you find that necessary balance that all relationships need or find yourself arguing with some dude that looks like her celebrity man crush.

I'll takeee, "backbone" for 500 Alex:
Dude + no backbone = a "welcome home" mat. Your woman will treat you like a welcome mat when you become too relaxed in your relationship. F*** all that submission sh*t...BE A MAN! These women want m-e-n, not a damn dog! Yet sadly, some men believe that the only way they can keep a woman around is by doubling as her pet, and agreeing with everything that she says. Big damn mistake buddy...big mistake! She'll start to feel this sort of, "entitlement", to make you do whatever, feel whatever, act however, wherever, when you don't stand up for yourself and you become a "yes man":

"Yes dear, I'll cut my hair even though I cut it last week."
"Yes babe, we can have sex, even tho my leg hurts from getting dunked on by Terry at the gym."
"Yea babe, your mother can come visit, even tho when she brings that damn dog that likes to piss all over the couch."

The ladies from my job always tell me, "Ant-nee (Anthony w/ a Jamaican dialect), we want a big, strong man, not a lickkle dog.". Case and point: ladies want a man who will stand firm beside them and not quiver underneath them...

Treadmillship:
Treadmill + relationship = treadmillship. How many of you have been or are currently in, a relationship that feel similar to a treadmill? Time sees to go by and by but certain things seem to remain the same. (some) Females hate that stagnant feeling in regards to relationships, which is why ultimatums come up when things get to a standstill:

"Either, (hands clap) you (hands clap) get (hands clap) ya sh*t together or (hands clap) I'm (hands clap) though (hands clap, hands clap) through!"

or
"Listen, we've been dating for 5 years now and the convo of engagement hasn't even come up yet...what do you want me to do? Because I can and I won't wait forever you know..."

I mean, the last one is a lil' over exaggerated, but, you get the point.

The biggest mistake we can make as guys is thinking that every thing is mashed potatoes and gravy, with the relationship stuck with no direction.

Here's the thing...

I feel we as guys need to communicate better because with that, we open up more doors for opportunities to grow together, or, grow apart. Mistakes will happen, I mean, sh*t, what relationship won't encounter some stumbles along the way? The goal is to push forward! Make sure you have a direction in which you want the two of you to go in. Have an understanding of self because as a man...if you don't have an understanding of self, there's no way you will be mentally ready to be the nigga/man/king whatever, for any female out here. Realize your mistakes, compromise, be HONEST not only with her but with yourself because if you're not honest with who you are...you think she'll take you seriously?

Nah, the answer to that is nah. Don't let the best thing slip away...because you wanna be a di**, trust me, I know.

@Renaissance_Brotha_

Thank Me Later, Take Care, Nothin Was The Same...

*The following content is for mature audiences only...viewer discretion is advised*

When it comes to sex…

Women, love, that, rough, sh*t! I mean, anything that will help the orgasm experience to be THAT much greater? Women are for it! Choking? During sex?! A win-win fellas. Now, I'm not saying choke the sh*t outta her like Ike did Tina...unless she's into that kinda thing, then, hey, do you but at least get a feel of what it is that she likes. I'm sure a lot of you men are reading this, struggle with "when and how to choke" but don't be alarmed; I'm here for you. So, grab a pen, some paper, and please, pay close attention…

*class is in session*

I am in no way shape or form some sort of sex-pert but I do know a little somethin somethin about what it is that females enjoy, when it comes to sex. First and foremost: women love dominance! Not just in how you carry yourself in the outside world but how that translates in the bedroom as well! They want a man who will take charge, sh*t, not just in the relationship but during sex as well! Submission! Women love to be submissive! Women don't want some ol' Harry Potter kinda dude, tellin them to take the d***! They want that 50 Shades of Grey kinda lovin! They wanna hear…

"Bend that ass over (slaps on ass)! Don't run, just take it!"

"I said touch me? Put your hands up there and don't move'em...matter fact, hold them legs!"

Not,

"What position you wanna do next?"
"Too fast babe, too fast I'm bout to cum...slow down."

#AintNobodyGotTimeForThat

There's an art into sex choking. First off, don't just grab the s*** outta her neck. Never should you just, grab her by the neck like she owe you money; be gentle, at first. Let me be the first to tell you: there's a big difference between coming across as being sexy and rough and coming across as a wrestler or a Lifetime movie rapist; don't rape the p***y my man. Don't rag doll the p****! A lot of you men get in the p**** and go ape sh*t right off the back and think that's that s*** that will satisfy her; wrong. You think just grabbing her by her neck and shoving your penis in her, it'll get her wet??? It won't, it'll hurt...or maybe she'll like it...point is: take it easy mon! Yes, you DO wanna grab her neck with your hand(s), BUT, while doing so, use your thumb AND your fingers and squeeze (do it from the side more so than the front because she'll end up choking if you press too hard). Now of course you can adjust depending on how she likes it, but don't go over the top right out the gate. If you're having a hard time deciding, read her body.

*a woman's body will tell you all you need to know other than her verbalizing it when, it comes to bedroom activities*

Women love that passionate sh*t but they also love that rough sh*t as well. Try kissing her and have one hand on her ass and the other around her neck. Or, you can have one hand around neck, and whisper some s*** in her ear like,

"You gon let me taste you right? Take them panties off..so you can feed me…"

I love doing that sh*t Women love that s***!
Once you've gotten how to choke her down pact, try moves like…

Grippin Grain:
Lay her down on her back. Whisper in her ear (I say this because it's good to paint a picture...women love pictures). Kiss her from her ears, to her neck, to her shoulders, to the middle of her chest, to her breast, to her nipples (spend a lil time there), down her stomach, and as your doing that, run your fingers around her clit and the inside of her lips, and crawl your fingers up her stomach to her nipples, fondle them, then up to her neck, and now you should be eating her...while choking her at the same time, but lightly. Its like, grippin the steering wheel: not too hard and not to light either. If you want: eat her out and keep one hand around her neck and the other on her breast or run your fingers around her mouth, let her suck on them. If you can't do that, try this…

The Ike;
Ladies (claps hands) love (claps hands) that (claps hands) rough (claps hands) s*** (claps hands, claps hands)! When is the last time you f***ed her against a wall? Probably never or in a real long time but no worries; Ike Turner her ass. Sometimes you just gotta grab her ass up, kiss her, and just f**k her like a porn star...women love to be porn stars for their men! Remember how Ike had Tina against the fish tank? Well, that was rape but what you wanna do is pin her ass up against a wall or turn her around and slide it in slow, kiss on her while you're doing it and...just stroke. I would say, stroke for a few minutes, with your hands placed around her waist (if it's from the back) or on her breast (if its from the front and she's at an angle). Now you increase the speed but I want you to go harder, this way, things can begin to intensify. Talk to her too,

"how does the d*** feel,"

"are you enjoying the d***,"

"oh, you like that huh,"

"who else you f***in,"

"I told you stop wit all those ass selfies on IG, didn't I...didn't I,"

"when you making that lasagna again,"

s*** like that. Now, gently wrap your hand around her neck and look in her eyes (it she's facing you) or have her look back at you, as you're stroking her deeper and deeper. If she cums, hell, tell her to lick it off your d***...make her choke on the d*** (another great form of choking).

*Arch Your Back, Point Your Toes:
I put a star next to this one because it's…pretty damn important.

You see how you had her laying down, while eating her out, and then you switched to having her against the wall…now you wanna bend her ass the f*** over…and go deep! Its all about - tran-si-tions. For this position: you wanna have her bend over, arch her back, and make sure you go down and taste it, before you slide in…real men eat it before they beat it Start off stroking at a normal speed. You wanna gradually build up your speed and make the strokes deeper and long and harder. 8/10, she'll be off in her own world thinking about me for Valentines Day how good it feels. Now, you wanna pick up the speed a lil more and grab her hair (if she has none or isn't a fan of it, bypass). As you're doing that, you can either:

A) slap her ass, at the same damn time
B) grip her by the waist, at the same damn time
C) play with her breast, at the same damn time

D) grab her by the shoulder and thrust harder

take you pick.

Whichever you decide, just make sure multiple actions are going on. Now, move your way from her hair to her neck. I say, grip by the waist and just f*** her harder...and harder...and harder, while applying some pressure around her neck. If you wanted them Jordans or to go to strip club and she was against it before, this would be the BEST time to ask,

You: "you gon get them Jordans right...right!?!"
Her: "oooooo, size 8, size 8! Yes baby, YES!"
You: "and, I'm, goin, to, the, CLUB, too (as you give it to her harder)!"
Her: "daddy do what you want! Take my car if you want, s***!"

The point is…give her that d*** like you playing for the NBA Championship; that LeBron James d***!

And last but not least,

Missionary Press:
F*** all that, letting her get a rest sh*t! You really wanna make her have an "outer body experience"? Tell her to switch positions and lay down on her back, eat her out for a few minutes, tease her, and then...slide in, gently. F*** her...and f*** her some more...f*** her harder, and in the midst of all this, put both hands around her neck. You don't wanna squeeze too tight just yet, you wanna ease your way into it. As you're grippin her neck, talk dirty to her (I'll let you decide upon what to say) and just start stroking harder and harder. Make sure to loosen the grip up here and there but make sure some pressure is around her neck...shuttin her ass up! If you want, hold one of her legs up to your shoulder and angle yourself inward, while maintaining the pressure on her neck. The thrusting from that d*** and the neck pressure - *yasssss*

Have her look at YOU while you f***ing her! Make her spread them legs and if she if she drop 'em, you go HARDER!

Fellas, the idea isn't to choke her every damn time you have sex, sex choking is reserved for when you have lil arguments or when you feeling extra frisky. She start to talking about what she seen on IG…you run up on her, and say,

"listen b****, take them panties the f*** off and bend over…wait, wait, lick this d*** first!"

Wanna show her you care, choke her. That timid sh*t is for the weak when it comes to sex. If you been giving her the D for a long time and eating it and she can't cum, you choking her MIGHT be the key to her going to that next level...

All in all, you need to give her that Drake album experience

Leave her So Far Gone, then tell her Thank Me Later and to Take Care, and I promise you…Nothin Was The Same!

@renaissance_brotha_

Make It Nasty

*Warning: the following content is intended for MATURE audiences only*

*Viewers discretion is advised* 

It's almost 2014 and men are STILL acting like pleasuring a woman down below is the equivalent to catching cooties! Fellas, I understand you don't want to be clowned by your homeboys but what you really don't want is one OF your homeboys doing some sh*t you ain't have the time for: e.g. eating your woman out. If you think, RIGHT NOW, some dude on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram, ain't pressuring your woman, to let him come over or vice versa, so he can watch Redbox movies eat your woman's vagina...you are sadly mistaken.

Maybe it's because you still ain't learn from Eat One, Teach One, pt. 1 or maybe it's because you're stuck on stupid or maybe it's because you're more concerned with your NBA/NFL fantasy team, to even bother with going down town and sending your woman to work happier than a kid on Christmas! Whatever your rationale is, I assure you, THIS piece right here, will help you out come sex time...period.

*class is in session*

The idea of part 2 is to make sure you as man, do everything in your powers, to insure a night/morning/afternoon of pure bliss...

and just be a down right freak!!!

Listen, if you're a family member or anything else along those lines...cut your loses now, stop reading, and get ready for Scandal

...because I'm bout to say some sh*t, that'll f*** your perception of me.

Eat It From The Back:

A lot of men are afraid to eat it from the back because the anus is pretty much RIGHT, THERE! Listen, if you're an adult, you should KNOW where that hole is; so don't get behind her and lick all crazy or 8/10 your tongue WILL enter that hole. There isn't a woman alive who doesn't like her p**** ate from the back! Here's what you do fellas: have her come over to you and say some sh*t like, "damn babe, your butt looks bigger (smaller), what you been doing?". This will prompt her to turn around and have her ass in your face. Now, unless she's on her period, I say, just do some sneak sh*t like, idk, start pulling down her- whatever she's wearing and start kissing her ass...men like kissing ass. Bend her over, gently, and if she's wearing panties, pull them suckas to the side, if not, just stick your tongue in, slowwwly. The spontaneity mixed with the pleasure will not only have have her wet, but, cummin' like crazy! Tell her to look back at you while you're eating it...women love lookin' back at it. Your goal is to make sure your sucking on those lips and licking that clit, like it's a cup or pudding or jell-o or whatever it is, that you like.

Let Her Ride Your Face:

This is my personal favorite, why? Because there's nothing like a woman who THINKS she's in control when in reality...she isn't. Some men don't like this sh*t but will two-step they ass out the shower and Electric Slide their penis, into the mouth of their sleeping partner. Aside from rocking a beard; a woman's vagina is one of the sexiest things a man could have on his face. Y'all chillen', layin' around and she get that "itch", don't go down to her, tell her to come up to you! Whisper in her ear, "bae, put that p****, on my face! (Kevin Hart voice)". You know how quick she'll hop on your face? The goal is to make sure she's relaxed, why? Because if she's stiff, her weight will f*** things up and if you thought Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown ass ain't no know how to breathe with no air...yo ass will surely soon find out! Take your time tho. Grab her ass, palm it, smack it, grab her breast, hell, rub your fingers over her wetness, dip'em in your mouth, and play with her nipples, while grabbing on her ass, while eating her out, AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! Your goal is to make her cum so you can slurp all them juices out and if that don't work...

Use a Toy:

Some of you dudes will read this and think, "yo that's gay!". Everything ain't for everybody, I understand that. I also understand that, sometimes, you gotta do a lil' extra and be willing to spice sh*t up. You know how that white guy was looking for something to make his "party pop off" in that Beats Blue Pill commercial? Same applies to sex: use one of her toys (or suggest that she buy one), so that y'all "party" pops off! You can use a dildo, rabbit, or a vibrator to help assist you eat the p****, pick your poison. I'm not telling you to use this as a crutch nor am I suggesting you use one on every girl your encounter (unless they all happen to like that s***) nor am I suggesting that YOU BUY ONE but if you have a long time GF or you're married, I say: fu** it, throw ambition to the wind and get it poppin! If you use a vibrator for instance: allow the vibrator to stimulate her clit, while your tongue, works her insides. A dildo can be used to penetrate her WHILE you work on her clit. Lastly, a rabbit...a rabbit usually has dual capabilities, so, the two of you (toy and tongue) can switch off periodically. Hell, you can even let her suck on the dildo, if you want or "toss her salad" and let the dildo penetrate her vagina and speaking of "tossin her salad"...

Lamborghini Her Doors:

You know how the doors go up on a Lamborghini, that's how her legs should go up when you're tossing her salad. I know y'all like, "whaaatttt!?!?" but let me tell you:

she (claps hands) will (claps hands) go (claps hands) f***in (claps hands) crazy (claps hands) when you stick (claps hands) your (claps hands) tongue (claps hands) in her ass!

It's not for everybody, I understand that. Some women enjoy it, not all the time...but they enjoy it. Before you even consider doing it men:

MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS CLEAN!

(same goes for the kitty cat)

I'm not an ass eating specialist but I know if you start eating her out and wet your index finger up and slide it in her "tunnel of love" and then roll your tongue upwards and then use two other fingers to pleasure her...s**t will get real!

Get on Your Knees:

"You got a job, you got degrees/but so wat playa, get on yo kneeeess!" (In my Khia voice...you know, the chick from "My Neck, My Back").

Ima keep it alll the way real on this one: when you're on your knees and she's just looking at you, look her dead in the eye and keep doing what you're doing! Women love to have a submissive (and aggressive) guy when it comes down to sex. The submissiveness comes from you being on your knees, giving her all your attention. The aggressiveness comes from when your eating her and talking sh*t to her at the same time,

"You like that shit right?!"

"Hold dem legs, HOLD DEM LEGS!"

"Put ya hand on the back of my head!"

"Push me deeper in that s***!"

You know, shit like that. Women like when you take charge fellas. The goal is to make her cum to the point where her legs shake and she's just cursing you out,

"You ain't shit, you know that!! I was suppose to go out to the club!"

Oh no b****, you ain't goin nowhere!

Not all men are into eating p**** but to the ones who are; I salute you! Now that I think about it, some of you dudes need to read this one and part 1 because you might THINK you're doing something...but you're not. If you expect a woman to put her mouth...on and or around your penis, you should most definitely, put your tongue and lips...in and or around her vagina. The key is to keep her thinking, "is he going suck for x amount mins? Is he gonna lick my clit in circles or up and down?". Keep her on her toes! Use them fingers and spread them lips apart while you let her suck on your other fingers. Suck on her clit, but not too hard. Mix up your licking speeds. Nibble on her clit as well, but make sure you don't Vampire Diaries/True Blood her p****! Make, love, to, her, vagina, fellas; she'll appreciate it, as well as her vagina. Pin her ass on the bed and put her legs back and start from her naval and work your way down...

Never mind.

@renaissance_brotha_

So She Cheated on You, With Dave From Work

*class is in session*

Whenever you hear there’s been cheating in a relationship, I'm almost certain your mind jumps directly to placing blame on the man!

"DAMN! I wonder how SHE’S doin”…or “Just like a dude to cheat, mmhmm…they all DOGS!”

Yes, dudes cheat, just like the person who didn't bother to study in Math class for the test, but is psst'in at you for the answers to numbers 1-25! Truth be told tho... this isn't always the case. I will be the very first to admit that (some) men ain't (worth) sh*t! I will also be the first to admit that (some) females ain't (worth) sh*t! Just because society paints the picture that men cheat more times than women, doesn't negate the fact that a woman will creep her ass into the bed of a man who is NOT her own; it just proves that society sucks.

- a man will usually cheat based on how a woman looks, i.e. how big her breast and ass are and if she will arch her back and point her toes all night.

- a woman will usually cheat based on how emotionally secure she feels in the relationship/marriage, trust, yada yada.

SnappleFact #99 - Females are more emotional than males, so the tendency for a woman to cheat, is far more greater than that of a man.

Before you get up and arms ladies, take a second to actually consider what has JUST been said...

When you think about how cheating begins for a female, it's usually based outta emotions. Not the physical aspect of things, but E-MO-TIONS! Just because you’re not sleeping in his bed or vice versa, doesn't mean it’s not cheating, cause it is…it’s emotional cheating and that ladies, constitutes as cheating. So what happens if a guy is actually faithful to his woman and he finds out she’s been creepin' around like TLC in the 90s? Well, continue to read...

Now, have I cheated on someone? YES, and I will leave it at that because contrary to popular belief, when you're young and dumb, cheating is justifiable. Now before you stop reading, know that it was emotionally and I actually told my partner. She didn't find out elsewhere; she wasn't on MySpace lurkin'. She wasn't hittin' up the girls in my top 8. I mean sh*t, she wasn't even on FB going crazy every time a female friend posted on my wall. We had a convo, I admitted to her how I felt and guess what happened...

WE WORKED IT OUT! It took us sometime to get past it but guess what else...we did,

But I digress...

Now have I been cheated on...hell-mother-f***in' yes! Till this day it hurts because in my mind: I was doing everything a BF was suppose to be doing at the time (early 20s). A man canf*** a 100 different women but the moment, and I mean the very moment his woman steps out on him and into the bed with another man and he finds out, he's devastated! Wanna hurt a man's ego ladies: tell'em his pee-pee is small, his hairline is receding, he's a bum, or that you had sex with some other man.

"Yeaaaa, that's why I cheated on you with the bartender from Friday's and his penis was better and bigger and your brother wanna get with me!"

The chances of her actually cheating with the good lookin' guy who sits across from her in class is slim. 7/10: she's gonna cheat because there's a lack of understanding in the relationship/marriage.

When you think about how two people who have an interest in each other transition from being friends and then to GF/BF and then husband and wife, you think about this:

D-irection

U-nderstanding
T-rust
C-ommunication
H-onesty

Now I won't go into detail about what D.U.T.C.H. is because the book drops next year and future blogs explain yada yada yada but, when there's a lack of direction, that takes a toll on the understanding the two of you have as a couple. Because a man is not “Mr. Right (Now)”, women will seek comfort in "Mr. For The Moment" aka a dude that can AND will give her all the attention and time she yearns for. If she’s cheated with someone else and the feelings that have been developed are emotionally based and you find out and decide to stick around and work it out; man, I hope you been baggin' chicks off Instagram or Twitter because it now will become THAT much harder to put up with her afterwards; sh*t I know this from experience. I remember have a convo with one of my homeboy's, who was cheated on for whatever reason(s) and he asked me, “how do you stay w/ her B, when she loves someone else?” (sounds like the beginning to a love song right?

If you love her and she's on board to make things better, do it, but if you know deep down you won't be able to trust her the same, don't even waste your time. If you poll men on your IG timeline or your Twitter followers or your FB friends right now and asked them, "would you stay with your women if she cheated?" I put money on it that a good majority of them would say no. On the flipside tho: females will stay and try to make things better until their mind and heart tells them to leave. I've said it before: without trust, you have nothing! Trust is like the cheese...in Mac n' Cheese

For MOST guys, we don't wanna have to think about another man spending time with our woman especially if they're like...

• model like in the face
• tall in height
• comedic sense of humor
• body of a Greek god
• can hold a note like Justin Timberlake

Me personally...

I'm putting a tracking device on you because who knows what you're capable of and if you think @DjSinCity718 is some dude from the Bronx...yo monkey ass better guess again!

Cheating on a man does damage ladies! We can't just, "man up!" after finding out you let you some ol' dude from the club eat ya ass; that was our Friday night thing! Dudes will either:

A) try to work things out

B) be hurt and move on

or C) turn into doosh-bags

and more times than none, dudes will become dogs. #FoodForThought: what you do, will always dictate & have an impact in the lives of others.

When you think about what kills guys the most when it comes to relationships: it's pride and ego. Ego tells them, "you know how good you look? She cheated on you, bro, that b**** wasn't sh*t to begin with!". Pride tells them, "you know you love her more than Kanye loves to rant...but right now, you hate her more than Kanye hates the paparazzi...let that hoe go bro."

I'll be the first one to admit: men aren't that smart when it comes to matters of the heart. Most men (yes, MOST) aren't looking for signs of their woman cheating unless the signs are completely obvious and I mean they have to be on some,

*text message to her phone reads*

"It was good seeing you babe last nite...I love the way you sucked my d*** till it came hehe... i shuda warned u babe. We on for Sunday afternoon still?"

I remember seeing that text on one of my ex GF's phone when I was checking to see what time it was. Till this day, she doesn't know I know that text was sent (unless she's reading this, which I doubt it).

The point is, no dude is gonna hawk a woman's social networks every other hour on the hour; that's what chicks do. Women cheat for many different reasons but what we as men have to stop doing is allowing that situation to change us into something we're not! There's never a need to take it out on the next one. There's never a need to lie to ourselves when we know good-and-damn-well we're not completely over the pain from the past. I know some of the hardest of men who still can't keep a woman because of that one girl who treated them wrong. I've been thru enough to know that sometimes, sh*t ain't worth repairing with someone because deep down inside, you know that person ain't worth sh*t! Sticking around after the hurt shows you're forgiving and leaving shows a sign of maturity and acceptance. Don't stick around because you think it's the right thing to do, hell, you'll end up f***in yourself up even more and that's far worse than lying to yourself. Never get yourself into the habit of lying to yourself...because once you go searching for that truth, it'll be hard to find.

@renaissance_brotha_

So I Have This Friend: Whose GF Can't Ride...

Names have been changed, but the story remains the same.

Nick: "But deadass Ant...this b**** can't ride d*** for the life of her!!!"
Me: "Bro...tell her how you want it to be done!"Nick: "If only it were that EASY bro, it's not. We went for a bike ride the other day and this b**** was like Meek Mill & his boys on a damn CitiBike...a CITIBIKE!"Me: "Wait, you went, YA'LL went for a bike ride? (insert hard laughing)"Nick: "You mad cause you ain't got no b**** to ride WITH! But deadass boy, she can't ride d***, what should I do?? I know you be writing blogs for these b****es, write one for me fam!"

So I Have This Friend...whose girl can't ride d***!

First and foremost...

DID YOU MISS MEEE!?!?

No? Oh...ok, I digress, but before I start:

Warning: If you are a friend and/or a family member and you MIGHT feel a tad bit uncomfortable with reading/hearing me talking about sex; this blog ain't fo yo ass.

#TURNUP

A lot of you women are out here throwing dirt on guys who can't seem to get it together in the bedroom and for that...may the Lord take vengeance upon thee! Are (some) men garbage in bed? Yes, yes SOME are, but there's a whole lot of them who are NOT (and this blog ain't for them). My boy isn't the only man to feel this way, hell, I've had a few ladies who couldn't ride a d*** but could "drop down and get their eagle on" and hit the electric slide at the drop of a dime! Some of you chicks be like, "Babe, I can't ride, can we just do doggy?" No, not now. Or, "Babe, I've never really...I mean, I don't normally do this (while climbing on top)," well, I've never been to Six Flags, but you gon ride this roller coaster! I know you're laughing while reading this, but how some of y'all claiming to be #BedroomBullies...and can't ride a d***?! That s*** puzzles me! So, here at #ABetterBreedOfMan, I wanna help you ladies get in touch with your...inner, freak if you will. I present to you: how to ride the D SO good, yo mama's mama...would be proud!

Yo Nick, you owe me bro because I'm sure your girl will be reading this!

*class is in session*

Some of you beautiful, intelligent, sexy women are reading this and can identify with the topic: you can't ride d*** well! And that's cool, dot worry boo, I got yoouuu! If you have a man, don't be afraid to practice on him, that's what he's there for; what is he gonna say, no? No man will turn down p****! "I ain't afraid of no man or no d***!" yea yea, I know: that's why you can't ride d***? What's that old saying, "practice makes perfect"? Well, you better lay his ass down, and climb on top, and ride him like a Low-Ridah out in Cali! Something to always keep in mind (and this is with anything): you can’t get better at something if you’re scared to fail. When you tell someone you haven’t done something before, that statement should then be accompanied by you trying. You don’t say you haven’t done something and continue not to do it; without trying you’ll never learn. I'm not suggesting ANY one of you ladies go out here, and have sex with just ol' any guy, just so you can practice...that sh*t ain't cool nor is it attractive. Now Nick, if Amanda comes to you and says, "let's f***! I know you like me being on top so I want to trying something new", strip down to your socks and enjoy the ride my brotha!

Secondly ladies

In order to feel comfortable pleasing your man, you have to be able to please yourself first and him, SECOND! It's just like in life: in order to be selfless, you have to be a lil selfish; so selfishly pleasure yourself with toys me or fingers all you want! There's not a dude out here that won't appreciate you jumping on top and riding him like that mechanical bull at your local bar. If you want to get your nut off and not worry about Minute-Man Mark, go for it. Ladies, in plain English: I want you to do all the nasty sh*t you do in your alone time, when no one is watching, to your man! Make it so nasty, you'll have to pray EXTRA, in church on Sunday (y'all don't hear me tho)! It's not the Mark and Laura show, oh no, it's the Laura Show, co-starring Mark...and his d***. However once you get to that point, learn what pleases him. Who knows you might actually like what he likes and can start killing two birds(freaks) with one stone(move). Dudes like Nick, complain about women that get on top only to please themselves and that’s just selfish; if you want to be a skilled rider you have to learn how to do both. Don't trip tho, I got some techniques that'll have you riding like Ciara (pun all the way intended).

baby grind on meeee! (Pretty Ricky voice)

Remember them guys? Well, if you don't, YouTube them but if you do, ladies: I want you to grind like you're at a high school party! There's not a woman reading this who doesn't enjoy grinding her warm, wet, tight, (meow), and rubbing her clit at the same time until they achieve orgasm. Work them hips, lose some of those calories, and dig your fingers into his chest...not too rough tho! Most guys aren't cumming from grinding, but from friction, there's a difference. Men need to be stroked to achieve orgasm, which grinding can limit.

b-b-b-bounce that p**** and shake dat ass

You know what turns a man on with the quickness, other than you dropping to your knees and putting his d*** in your mouth: watching and feeling you bounce on top of him. The woman who can push a man on his back, climb on top, and f*** him till he has no more energy in his tank...is a keeper! Women that bounce on the d*** usually know exactly what they’re doing and they ride with purpose. You're not worried about the fact that you just got your hair done, noooo. You're not worried about the fact that, you have work in a couple hours, noooo. You're worried about pleasing yourself, because he will be led to believe, you're really doing it for him; which sometimes is never the case (I be knowin ladies). That bounce action is cool for the dudes who enjoy having the breast in their face (like me) or who enjoy watching the ass go up...and down...and up...and down in the Reverse Cowgirl position AND who enjoy smackin that ass while you're at it (I be knowin ladies).

...you got the juice now (insert your name here ladies

I know what you're thinking: what the hell is this fool talking about now! Well, it doesn't mean "juicing" like combining fruits and veggies and sh*t; it simply means to pull and squeeze at the same damn time! Some of y'all (women) don’t know about juicing, but just think about grinding for a second. Grinding is the rubbing of two surfaces to cause friction. However, juicing is when you squeeze AND pull away from him to cause the friction. It’s basically like you’re trying to squeeze and ring him out (kinda like a wash cloth). I want you to squeeze his d*** with your vagina and just look him in the face while you're doing it; I guarantee you he will speed up his pumping, which will make him cum like that! The best position to do this in, is in Reverse Cowgirl...

and speaking OF Reverse Cowgril...

Men like when you ride it...facing the other way! When you climb on top, ride it for a lil bit facing him and then, turn around and: MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THE D*** INSIDE OF YOU (I can't stress that enough)! Place his hands around your waist, and continue with what you were doing. You can lick your nipples if you want, massage your clit while he slaps your ass, hell, you can even fantasize about someone else. It’s just better suited for two people to please one another, yet have the privacy they want while having sex as weird as that may sound.

One time, a friend of mine said, "when I get on top, he does whatever we wants, it's like, I don't have no control of the situation." My answer to that: f*ck him back. Put his hands inside of yours, pin them down, and f*** him until he cums, that simple. A lot of women are quick to say men are intimidated by them but become intimidated by men, in the bedroom: the irony. Here's something you can try: to make you feel a lil more at ease, make him put his hands behind his head, tell him to keep put, and go to work...men like taking orders n' s***.

Lastly,

I spoke about this in the paragraph before last but once again (because it's really that important): don't let the d*** slip out! Now before you start going off and dismiss miss this piece of info, consider this:

size matters! I don't care what any one of you have to say, size matters. Now, with that being said (Kevin Hart voice), it's up you take a peek at the pole he's packing and make sure it doesn't come out! If you have control and I mean COMPLETE control over your body/abilities...the d*** can never and I mean never come out, period-point-blank.

Nick, make her feel comfortable at all times; sex isn't just about catching a nut or two and rolling over and knocking out, it's way deeper than that, it's brackets to this s***. There's levels to this sh*t, and while that may be a line from Meek Mill, it's true in every sense! If you want to give some advice, simply just express how you feel when the two of you are most comfortable and laugh n' sh*t like that, this way, it comes across a lot better.


If you need anything else, holla at me!

Ladies: have you ever felt embarrassed when you got on top? Did you get better? What advice could you offer other women about riding better? Did this post miss anything?

@renaissance_brotha_

On Instagram Straight Flexxxin

...because if you feel offended by the end of this blog, then my job is done!

Ladies, oohhh ladies...some of ya'll get on Instagram and act nuttier than squirrel sh*t! I love you ladies, really I do, but the amount of f***ery you post on a daily basis needs to stop! Now I'm fully aware that it's only a social networking site but c'mon on, ya'll not thinking before ya'll upload? Sure, you have the right to post whatever it is that you want but in the grand scheme of things...some of the things you post are for attention and that purpose only! Now in no way shape or form am I complaining but at the end of the day somethings just need to be kept in the phone and off of social media. Feel offended No offense but I just wanna know this: where does your creativity come from when you decide you wanna take a picture? No, seriously, I wanna know, like, are you watching the Bad Girls Club? Or maybe Real Housewives? Or maybeee, you just scroll thru your timeline and just get ideas of how to "one up" the next chick who decided to take a pic like the one you're about to post? Idk, but whatever the reason is, "do (claps hands) ya (claps hands) thang (claps hands) boo boo!" This is for all the IG models, "celebs", and thirst-trappin' ass females...I hope this blog not only offends you makes you laugh, but makes you delete your account or unfollow me opens your eyes as well.

Today's class is strictly about sh*t I hate to see on my timeline and the types of females who decide to post...fellas, take note and ladies, do the same:

*class is in session*

1. "I Don't Even Like This Pic Tho" Pic:
"Zammn, I mean, I don't even like the way my eyebrows look in this pic tho, ughh!! But...ima post it and see what they think!" Oh...so you don't like the pic tho huh? So why ya silly dilly ass post it in the FIRST damn place?! If you don't like it, 11/10, WE won't like (thirsty dudes/females will). Ima be forreal, think about all those stupid pics ya'll look to post but then you decide against it and then you re-decide to post...indecisive sh*t like that will get you unfollowed. Now your girls and them thirsty dudes will hit the like button but me...nah (Chief Keef voice). We as an IG community don't wanna see the pic you ain't really feeling! I have a hard enough time looking at the pic with mad different filters and you lookin like a damn lost member of the X-Men and speaking OF filter pics...

2. "Filter...#NoFilter" Pic:
Listen, I love a good filter to help alter a pic but there is no damn reason why 13 filters should be added on a pic! There's no damn reason why we should look at your pic and almost have a seizure because you got too damn much going on. Filters take a chick who look like Seal and have them looking like Rih Rih in no time! What happens if we need to repost because you go missing...them filters on allll yo damn pics and now ya family gotta use a pic from HS, sh*t don't make sense to me, that's all I'm sayin. On the other side of the coin you have a lot of you (females) who are QUICK to hashtag, #NOFilter when in reality you NEED about 232 filters on that damn pic! Don't talk about how @RealBeauty_RealEyez look when you're beauty is hurting out here. I can't appreciate ya busted ass pics, sh*t, none of us can, I just have the heart to say it. Just because you lazy in real life, don't mean you should be lazy on the Gram...I'll turn that green to blue in a heartbeat, #HashtagThat.

3. "Stop everything you're doing; feeding your child, wiping yourself, writing that paper and go follow (insert name) not now, but RIGHT NOW!" Pic:
I literally have a low tolerance for S/O's and sh*t like that, so usually I just keep scrolling, but deadass tho, it's really at an all-time high in 2013! Why should I follow your brother who just got outta jail or your homegirl who was 2,000-ish in followers and she's following 200-ish? Nah, you can keep that s/o because I ain't got time for that. Once a month or every few months, cool but every other day or every week, be prepared to get unfollowed. Ya'll girls be having some of the shallowest followers and a majority of them in real life only have 4 friends and according to them, have 232 enemies! "Stop what you're doin and follow my homegirl (insert name)! She a good look fellas and she show love and this is her 5th page...s/o to you haters!" Nah, she won't be gettin my request.

4. "Ughh, you dudes ain't yada yada yada" Pic:
*fellas, put a star next to this and pay close attention*
Ladies...first and foremost, getcha damn life! Not all dudes are "ain't sh*t" n****s/men, it's just the ones that you attract. Reposting those post about what a "n****/man is suppose to do" is complete and utter BS, real talk. IG has turned into eHarmony and a lot of you women/b*tches/girls are subscribing to the BS and in reality, ya'll ain't sh*t your damn self! Sure, there's a good majority of dudes on IG who are overly thirsty and annoying and every other word you can think of. What about the cool dudes? You know, the "nice guys" who don't trip every single time you put up a pic of you with some cleavage showing? You scoff at those dudes and entertain the other kind. This applies to all types of females, I mean, from the section 8ers to ones chasing degrees, oh no, I don't discriminate, trust and believe me (Keyshia Cole voice). Stop with the TextGram/TweeGram/Notes pic bashing dudes when you ain't right yourself. If you are single talking about, "a man is supposed to make a Queen outta a princess," or some corny ass sh*t like that, what kinda message does that send out? You know what you can do for me tho...tell me what a good WOMAN does and then maybe I'll consider reading that post.

5. "These bubbles are EVERYTHING!" Pic:
...soooo, what's the message you're tryna send by posting the bathroom tub pic? I mean, cause this is what we doing now huh? Oh...ok. How would you ladies feel if a dude posted a pic of him ass naked in the tub covered in some suds or if he had bubbles covering his privates? The jokes would be nonstop and I'm sure you would unfollow and question his sexuality (unless it was a celeb of sorts). Who cares about you and them ashy ass legs with the 5 o'clock shadow in that dirty ass water with the A'Jax bubbles? A LOT OF US DON'T CARE, let's be forreal! And then you got the nerve to use the candles that you know good and damn well you'll need next time a storm or blackout comes along. In your mind, you think it's an attempt to be sexy but to US...it's a good laugh because you're only being thirsty! Sip some of that bath water and masturbate to some old school R&B, thank you.

6. "Struggle Meal" Pic:
...if you can't cook, stay the hell out the kitchen, it's that simple. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it but a LOT of you ladies are posting pics of food and it looks like something not even a pig would digest and I mean that from the bottom of my heart! It looks like death! Your ribs look skimpy, that rice looks dry and I mean, HELLA dry, them veggies...look like they're fresh out the baby food, and then you have the nerve to put it on a plastic plate??!! I hope someone robs you of all your pots and pans or takes a huge sh*t in them and aligns them in your kitchen on the floor. Sh*t that comes already made doesn't constitute you "thrown down"...it just means you were too lazy too cook and please, don't add no damn filter either, it's sickening to say the least. Find a seat and sit yo ass ALL the way down, thanks in advance.

7. "Fine Wine *& Ashy Feet" Pic:
This...THIS (claps hands) RIGHT (claps hands) HERE (claps hands) GETS (claps hands) ON MY NERVES! I love feet, not as much as I enjoy lips but I enjoy some nice feet. Does this mean I'll go around sucking toes? No. Does this mean I'll give you a massage if your feet look right? Yes. But the underling message for number 7 is...if your feet are ugly, don't ever, and I mean EVER, post a pic of them and you drinking some cheap ass wine. Sure, I know we all can't afford the finer things like good wine or whatever, but a pedicure...nah!!! I'm the captain, lieutenant, and every damn thing else of the Petty-Pedi-Police and some of you ladies need to get your pictures flagged. I don't wanna see those bear paws, that cheap bottle of rose moscato in that mason jar, them raggedy bedsheets, and that 16' inch TV playing Scandal! Here's a tip ladies: trim those toe nails down, if you got long ass toes that look like that can be mistaken for fingers and can palm a football, don't post, and apply lotion if you're feet look ashy! And let the wine breathe! Slurping it down like it's...never mind.

8. "Yassss, #TurnUp" Pic:
When something gets too exciting or an event is too poppin', females will yell out, TURN UP! In 2013...everything is "#TurntUp/#TurnUp":
"Just got my taxes, #TurnUp!"
"Waiter just brought the food to the table, #TurnUp!"
"Just got an adoration, #TurnUp!" (yup, seen it twice since the start of the year)
"Pastor just delivered a powerful ass message, #TurnUp!"
The point of the matter is...we don't care about the #TurnUp pic lol, I mean, seriously now. Every damn pic isn't #TurntUp! You getting your degree, ok. You getting a new car or apartment, ok. You getting that new job or meeting a celeb, ok...you going out for drinks at Applebee's or getting sushi, not so much. Yup, sorry to be a kill joy, but that's just the way it is. If the party is really good like you keep saying...think about what I JUST said (I'll say it again)...If the party is good, scratch that...there's no damn way you're taking mad pics and posting them if the party is that #TurntUp! I hope somebody elbows your phone out your hand and it gets A-Town stomped on, let's see if you'll be #TurntUp then.

9. "(insert baby name) is my everything!" Pic:
Listen, because I know many will be offended by this so I say sorry in advance but...there's no need to continuously remind us that (insert child's name[s]) is your everything in one post but you're bashing the baby father in the caption. Not only is that hypocritical but it is also contradicting to say the most and it's counterproductive to say the least. Its great when your child has given you a new lease on life and it's even better when they are the reason you are now fully focused on making a better life but we as a community shouldn't be subjected to the everyday post about how much they mean the world to you, truthfully speaking. All you're doing is fishing for compliments and reassuring and that right there...that's that sh*t we don't LIKE!

and last but certainly not least

10. "lusTrappin" Pic:
You take the word "lust" and "trappin" and combine them and you get my favorite word, lusTrappin! lusTrappin is when a female intentionally post a pic exposing a lil more than the law should allow, examples: breast, nipples, nipples hard in a shirt or any form of a top, nipple rings in a shirt or any form of a top, you licking the top of your breast or your nipple or someone else's, you butt, visible camel toes, your butt in panties/jeans/a thong/g-string/sweatpants (you want us to focus on other things in the picture but the caption reads differently...opposing ideas), your vagina, someone else's vagina, your vagina in any form of bottoms, a post of something sexual but the caption paints a different picture, and everything else you can think of. The reason I saved this one for last is because in all honesty, this one is the funniest but truest one of'em all (not to take away from the others). You in your bed, looking away from the camera, "just relaxin," or "damn...I'm hungry" and your ass is all out and about. I love women and the whole nine but don't post lusty ass pics and expect dudes to just like and that's it because clearly that's your purpose, to garner attention. I will not sit here and pretend like I haven't double tapped on a few lusTrappin pics before, because I have, but don't get mad at dudes who take it a step further and comment wild crazy. "Just got them bundles innnnnn..." but clearly you forgot to put on a bra...oh. ok. Fellas, don't fall victim to the pics because before you know you'll end up leaving your number and she will screenshot it and store or...I will screenshot it and save it for my future blog about thirsty dudes like you.

Now in conclusion class, here's the take away: fellas, don't fall for the thirst traps, period! Ladies, if you are offended, I apologize but, come on, you know exactly what you're doing when you post those pics and trust and believe me, I'm not the only one who feels the same way, I'm just the one who has created a forum for me to express myself creatively and...in a hilarious but serious manner. If you're having second thoughts about posting any kinda pic, just send it to me, I won't judge, laugh maybe, not judge tho, that's me...or maybe that's what I'm doing now? Who knows, but the point of the matter is that I understand you have every right to post whatever it is you want but just be mindful. This is a serious matter and right now, some young lady is getting unfollowed and or blocked as we speak...don't be one of them.

*class dismissed*

@renaissnace_brotha