I'm Sorry But...You're Marrying The Wrong Guy

Now, it's rare that I touch on matters of the heart when it comes to us (men) and how we tend to deal with heartache and anything else associated with it. It's one of those things that we try not to talk about, for we fear how we'll be perceived by others; so fu** it- we keep our feelings/emotions ourselves. I'm not sure how many men will openly admit to this, but I know the following statement is something I can personally identify with: it's hard living with the fact, that the woman you saw yourself spending the rest of your life with...has moved on to spend her life with someone else.

*gasp*

I've dealt with it. It's not hard to admit now, but before that wasn't the case. It's a surreal feeling:

one minute you're planning out the day you wanna propose and how that's gonna look, who you wanna invite to the baby shower, living arrangements, sex hours once she's prego (not in that order), and the next min...you find yourself trying to piece your life back together.

You ever feel like the last person took every single bit of you: mentally and emotionally? Well, imagine doing that while in a relationship. "You don't know what you got till its gone," is what they say but what happens if you knew exactly what you had, but you didn't know how to hold on to it? You don't have your sh** together. You're still dealing with baggage from the last relationship. You struggle with insecurities and sometimes those insecurities run so deep within you, that you begin to question why the person is even with you! Each and everyone one of us deals with something that can potentially hinder us from moving forward.

We as men might not never, ever outwardly admit it, but there's that one woman who we feel is/was the ONE for us, who got away for whatever reason. Sh** happens. Life happens. And sometimes s*** happens in life, that can either makes us or breaks us! I've learned that in order for life to make us better, we have to break:

• break away from bad habits/old ways

• break down emotional and mentally (yes, crying cleanses the soul)

• break away from those with bad intentions or who seek to hinder our progression

So, in order for life to "make us better," we must first be broken down and rebuild from the breakage!

All of what you're about to read is 110% authentic and true from the heart. If it feels like I'm taking directly to you, I am. Read this piece as if you and I are having a one on one convo. Read this piece with an open heart and mind. For all the men who can identify with losing that "one"- this is for you. To all the ladies- enjoy. To the ex, who has moved on and is happy, I'm sorry but

...you're marrying the wrong guy.

*class is in session*

I know you're reading this. I know that because I know you. I've had a lot of time to myself since the break up. I mean, it's been years and I've tried to move on but for some reason I couldn't because every single thing reminded me of you! We've had a few convos but eh. The reason why I couldn't move on is because I never was honest with myself about why we broke up. I was a di**. I'm not saying I was a complete d*** the entire time we were together but as the roller coaster stopped peaking, I became a different man. That night I came to you on your birthday ,the year you were set to move- I meant every word. See, I thought...well, never mind, here's the truth:

WHAT I THOUGHT WAS...

(N)ope..."my pride won't let me admit as a man that I f**ked up. I'm sure I'll regret this one day but right now, RIGHT NOW!? I can't admit that I'm hurt because you're deciding to finally leave..."

THE HARSH REALITY...

As a man, we think and/or say that to ourselves or to our partner once the relationship is coming to an end. All those times we put pride over you and not fully understanding the impact it will have on the relationship over a period of time- will f*** us up something serious. When you would call/text? My pride declined/ignored. You wanted to talk face to face? I'm prideful, I'm nonchalant, I'm dismissive, or sarcastic to the point nothing gets resolved. "Babe, maybe we should go see somebody about us..." But I think we should f*** and get over it. All those times when I should've said sorry or you're right, or apologized? Eh, instead it was,

"f*** you! Ok... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, just- you just make me so angry that I can't control my anger!"

Now all those times have led us here; me here and you there...with someone else. All those times I said,

"If you don't like the way I act or treat you, why you with me, huh?! Because I'm not holding you hostage you know, you can always find someone else!"

Those words...I meant them within the moment but not overall. One can only be hurt but so much and I guess you knew something I didn't. All those damn arguments and where did it get us, huh? Well, you knew. You knew and you gave me chance after chance to correct myself, not for the betterment of myself, but for the betterment of us. Thing about it is...I loved my pride a little more than you and ironically, that same pride is what destroyed us. 

WHAT I KNOW NOW...

Pride kills and hinders, so kill the pride or you'll hinder your heart and the person you give it to. 

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID...

(Y)ou.. "wanna talk every single time there's an issue and I just don't feel it's important to discuss the little sh**! I been working on things you say you have a problem with but I swear you don't do the same sh*t! STOP WIT THE F***IN BIT**IN AND GET YA SH** TOGETHER OR IM OUT!"

HARSH REALITY

I found it hard to talk to you. Nothing you did honestly, just, I held onto a lot of what I say my parents go thru growing up. Now, I won't make excuses or give you some bullsh** ass justification- we as men just suck when it comes to things like that. Those first couple of years of the relationship are tough grounds when it comes to communicating our issues. For women, it's second nature. How can I admit that I'm wrong or I've mistreated you as a man, without looking/sounding like a bi***? That's my truth. I rationalized as: if I admit that I'm wrong, if I express how I really feel...I'm gonna come across like I'm soft! Once again, that last sentence is a clear example of me having too much pride! Learning how to communicate when there's a problem starts at home when you're young. For some of us, we were never taught to express ourselves especially as boys. Your father didn't wanna hear that crying s***!

"Man up! Stop with that crying, you sound like a little girl!"

If we've experienced getting cut off while we're trying to express ourselves- we shut down. When the convo goes from: inside voice to outside voice- we tune you out. If these things (and more) continuously happen, we'll become uncomfortable and shut down or react in an irrational manner. When it comes to insecurities, those can stem from: a past friendship/relationship, the loss of a parent, not having a parent around, or maybe it's a generational curse.

"I don't know how to communicate to you because my mother/father didn't do that with me," lies true with a lot men.

My pops didn't (verbally) communicate to me...he whipped my ass. My mother did her best but she died right before I could actually learn something of value from her and my step moms did her best but...bless her heart. Life's experiences taught me how to better communicate.

There were times I would come to you and say, "I don't like it when you do this or that," or "I hate it that you accuse me of yada yada and it's not even true," and you would turn around and say, "ok babe, I'll work on it." And you did work on it but...I was blind to the fact that you were making an attempt to change for the betterment of us because all I would do is bring up old sh** and make it relevant again. So, like a d***, I would continuously point out the little sh** and make it bigger than it really was. You wanted for me to acknowledge the fact that you're taking steps to make things right and all I did was find a way to discredit you. How can one see the good in a person, when you don't see the good they do? Read that one more time. You changed for us, but I changed us...for the worse. 

WHAT I KNOW NOW... 

Communication is key. Too many times we as men use the excuse of "not being good at communicating our feelings," but are quick to communicate when we want sex- funny how that works. Knowing how to communicate effectively, cuts down on misunderstandings and mistreatment within the relationship. I should've came to you more to ease the tension amongst us. I should've expressed, how I felt all those times you cried about me not understanding the strain I was putting on the relationship. I should've talked more...

WHAT I'VE SAID

(L)ove... "you? How can you think I don't love you, sh** I love you more than I love my damn self! I f*** up, I can admit that but don't say I don't love you because I do..."

We as men will play these games and get to the end of playing them to only realize we were losing all along.

I took your love for granted- "nah, she ain't goin nowhere bro, I got this!"

I manipulated you- "If you don't like the things I say or do then why you with me to begin with! You think someone is gonna put up with that kid sh** you do?!"

...but what I really meant was,

"if you don't like what I say or do then leave because I'm not about to kiss your ass but if you do leave then ima make you feel bad about that sh** every second, minute, hour, day you're away!"

I alienated you within the relationship- "ok, you lettin me stay with you and I appreciate that but I don't feel the need to talk to you all the damn time! We been together how long now...what else is there to talk about if you text me all day! Sh** is annoying...I'll talk to you when I feel like it."

I threatened to leave. I disrespected you. But through all that, I had the audacity to turn around and say, "I love you." You grew tired of that sh**, like most women do but you stayed because you didn't know what else was out there for you because all you knew was me...

till you left.

I knew how much you loved me and how much it hurt to see me begging for that chance but you needed to do something for you, for once.

There...there were times who you cried yourself to sleep and me wrapping my arm around you just didn't work. Who cares that I cooked for you, when the night before I put you through hell! I never did or said anything to maliciously hurt you, I hope you understand. 

THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS...

(E)ternally...I'm grateful because you've helped me become a better man...

We all have that "one" that we see ourselves settling down with. We are gonna make mistakes, I guess that's in the nature of being a man. I thought the love you had for a person ended when you no longer had that person but...I was wrong. I wasn't honest with myself because for the longest time, I never let go of my mother promising to love me forever and never leaving so much so I placed those burdens on our relationship. I always thought you would leave me like she did so I pushed because who wants to feel that hurt again?. You may never love me the same and I'm fine with that. I know you're happy...my soul is at ease, finally, because I know you're happy. I just wanted that one chance, one opportunity to show you I had my sh** together and I was the man you needed but, it was too late. I lost everything when I lost you; literally and figuratively speaking and it was my own doing. As as you're happy, I'm good. The Bible says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord," so I guess the guy who decides to marry you, obtains that favor. I'm not even sure if you're still with the same guy but all I do know is...you're marrying the wrong man and nothing will ever change that feeling. We as men might not never admit that we can see ourselves with just one, starting a family with just one, getting down on one knee for just one, spending the rest of our lives with just one...but I can...I have. For all those times you cried and I didn't care. For all those times you wanted me to listen, that I didn't hear. For all those times you put you before we and I put pride in the middle of that. For all those times you were right, and I wasn't. For all those times you held on to us and I let ago...I'm sorry. The last thing you said to me was,

"I...I'm not in love with you anymore,"

But I knew that before that night.

A Different World Wedding

@renaissance_brotha_

Maintaining The Romance

I used to think romance was important as a teenage; some flowers, a crappy "I love you" poem", some candy, and dinner & a movie and that was it…funny how times change. You get older and realize just how much that plays a part in your relationship and well into your marriage. Sure, taking your significant other out for dinner and a movie is cool…but that can't be the only thing! Nowadays, it's not about being predictable- it's about being creative. It's not about cliche- it's about putting some effort into whatever it is you're doing for that person. I will admit; we as men will do all this romantic and kind sh*t in the beginning and once we get you…that's it.

Well, I'm glad that a good friend of mine hit me up to tackle just that very problem: the lack of romance amongst the sexes. Not only do women feel that men have strayed away from being romantic, but men feel the same as well (crazy, I know). If you feel that you're alone in the struggle to maintain the romance, think again. Below you will find ways of how to maintain the romance within your relationship/marriage from a woman's perspective, as well as a man's. The guest writer here on A Better Breed Of Man goes by the name of MzCottonCandyKiz (all her material can be found here: MzCottonCandyKiz) and you can also follow her on Instagram (@epiccandiz).

Please take note: anything you notice in the red, is what she's saying and anything in the black, is voiced by myself.

*class is in session*

MzCottonCandyKiz: For me, romance is about creating epic and memorable moments that are long lasting! Now, contrary to the thoughts of the “new” females, the true ladies (such as myself) still very much believe in romance. Unfortunately though, it seems that males where more romantic in their teenage years and then once again, in their 40s: so what happens to all of those years in between (20-39), I mean, do the men just stop...being romantic?

Renaissance Brotha: No, men don't just stop being romantic, ma'am! You mean to tell me that between the ages of 20-40 (20-damn-years) men aren't being romantic? Ludicrous! YES, [some] men DO struggle with the idea of being romantic, but then you have plenty others who are making sure to maintain the romance within their relationship/marriage. In my opinion; romance is about being inventive...being spontaneous! And while you feel that men aren't that romantic, my dear, [some] women aren't stepping up to the plate themselves.

MCCK: Okay, okay you're right, but romance for a woman is the act of her significant other going above and beyond to please her and by please her- I don’t mean just physically either!

Babe give me more than the usual!!! (In my Trey Songz voice).

RB: EXACTLY! Romance is about going above and beyond for your partner and making sure they're happy at the expense of doing something nice, just because. If y'all think y'all the only ones who wanna be romanced- think again.

MCCK: I see what you're saying but how about putting some REAL thought and effort into making us smile fellas! This isn’t just any kind of smile; this smile has a glow to it. Her eyes become glassy and she drifts off into another place just for a minute. It's the kinda smile, that makes her tell all her friends how great you are. This smile...makes her have a great day at work no matter what's been going on.

RB: I wanna be the reason you smile (50 Cent voice)

If smiling is your concern, then you have to set the standard ladies! If being romanced is something you enjoy, then make sure that blueprint is laid from jump. We wanna make you happy, we wanna make you smile, I mean, what man wouldn't want that for his lady! In my opinion, it's all about equal treatment in your relationship/marriage not, "babe take me here because it's romantic, babe do this because it's romantic." Plain and simple: romance should be a two-way street.

MCCK: I agree and romance can/should be expressed in many different ways! Romance is going to a new restaurant and saving some so she can taste how great the food was.

RB: Romance for us is about setting the MOOD (because it's not just about the food, it's the mood that helps to set a romantic scene). Instead of going out for dinner, maybe you can shoot him a text,

"hey honey, I wanted to cook dinner tonight, would you like anything special!? Oh, and pick up some flowers on your way home please."

You're direct and to the point! Just making dinner and sitting in front of a TV gets boring, so, spice that s*** up! You dress up, have some music on, candles lit, bottle of wine chilled...after a long day who wouldn't like that kinda treatment (but not all the time). It's not just the act of cooking dinner, it's what comes along with dinner that we find romantical (not a word but you get my point).

MCCK: Romance is getting her flowers but getting them in her favorite color. Or maybe getting a single rose and putting it on the bed, while she’s in the shower just because before you head out. Sending her flowers to her job is also a nice romantic gesture and I mean come on now, what woman wouldn't want a nice bouquet of flowers and or some Edible Arrangements!

RB: Getting flowers or some Edibles from your man...while at work or just because and it's not a day of significance and they're your favorite color…?

I get it, I get it! Some men don't understand the importance of flowers but I do; they help to lively up the soul and all that's around you. On the flip side of that ladies, how about treating you man to game or a concert! Men (hand clap) like (hand clap) that (hand clap) sh** (hand clap)! Some of you reading this could give a f*** about Carmelo Anthony going against LeBron James or going to a football game or going to see his favorite artist, but we as men love to do sh** like that! Same way ya'll was doing all types of crazy sh*t to see On The Run, we enjoy being live in person. Surprise him with some tickets to a game or a show because at the end of the day, not only does it show that you care about him but you care enough to show interest in what he enjoys.

MCCK: Romance is making dinner and having it ready when she gets home from a hard day of work.

RB: I agree 110%! After a long day of work and/or class and/or having to deal with a child, who wants to come home to have to clean AND cook…

Hell, cooking dinner isn't an issue but to that, I say this- can we get a date thooooo! You might be suckin ya teeth right now like, "what is this fool talking about!?" but I'm serious; take your man on a date and PAY FOR IT! Pick the place, make the reservations, make sure you tell him to get dressed accordingly, and when it's time to place the order, ask him what he wants to eat and when the waitress/waiter comes over to take the order, YOU speak! Not only does it show initiative but that sh*t is sexy as f***! Hell, even feed him the dessert and when you get home you feed him you!

MCCK: And some women do that already but can ya'll put a little more thought into the regular ol' "dinner and a movie" kinda date because that's something I can do with my girls! Instead of the usual, find a Groupon or look online get some great date night ideas at a great price; we don't have to spend a bunch of money to enjoy a night out on the town, just as long as we're spending the time together! Sometimes we wanna hear, “hey babe, tonight let’s do something a little different. Put on those jeans I love to see you in, you know...the ones that make your ass stick out and don't take too long because we're going to paint some pottery.”

RB: And that's a great idea outside of the usual "dinner and a movie" because then it forces us to put some actual thought into the date. An act of romance for us tho- showing you appreciate us. Sex is cool, hell, a watch is nice but how about writing an actual letter and...*wait for it*...actually mailing it to him! F*** a text, f*** an email, f*** posting your "love and appreciate" for him on some social networking site: sit your ass down, write out how you feel and what you appreciate most about him. It's thoughtful and it's genuine. It's SHOWS that you care because sometimes...words convey a better message that actions can't.

MCCK: Romance is waiting until she gets out the shower and as she's drying off, you grab the lotion and rub her body down. This isn’t to lead to sex or anything, but just a genuine rub down.

RB: This is something I agree with wholeheartedly because we too, enjoy a good rub down. After the gym- sure. After a long day at work- you bet ya. Beating the guy's ass who was a little too friendly at the restaurant- rub daddy down! All jokes aside tho, I think it's something that both parties can enjoy because there's nothing like a good body rub...caressing all those areas the sun misses...sensually...taking your time...sh** like that is pleasurable. Massage the stress away ladies and gents!

MCCK: Romance is giving her the hoodie that you normally wear that smells like that cologne she loves.

RB: Smelling him when he is not around; cute but if you thought I wouldn't mention sex in this blog...guess again. I know what you're thinking ladies,

"all you gotta do is: play with his thing till it gets hard, suck on it, then get on top and ride him, say some nasty stuff, and then he cums and that's it!"

WRONG!

...to an extent at least. Any woman can do those things but what separates YOU from the others is HOW you do it! Sure, men like the simplicity of oral, followed by intercourse, but [some] of us men enjoy a good build up every now and then; please AND entertain us! Get some lingerie, put on some music, light some candles, steal one of his shirts and put on some heels and earrings, and then...do a dance for him! You dislike that he's goes to the strip club? Be his stripper! You, put, that, p****, on, him! So many of y'all ladies listened to Destiny's Child "Cater 2 U" and didn't cater! Sex and romance are linked because of the connection it builds between the both of you; get closer, creative, and captivate!

*****

Romance is all about doing something nice because you care about the person, not because you feel forced to. No woman should have to force her man to take her out, but also shouldn't rely on the man to be the only one who has to bare the burden of the romance within the relationship/marriage. The idea is to be spontaneous; the element of surprise goes a long way! If she enjoys receiving flowers- send her ass flowers. She enjoys candlelight- eat breakfast by candlelight. Do something SHE enjoys! The idea is to keep the fire burning so you will never ever have to worry about the next man (or woman) doing so! Affection, attention, and some consideration is all she really wants, believe me, but learn when to and when not to. Too much romance and then you create a monster. Too little and you now you have a partner with one foot in and the other one out. Unsure of when to be romantic; take the "odd day/even day" approach: you take odd days and she takes the even days and two even/odd days out of the month, you have to come up with something romantic for the both of ya'll to do. Sounds cheesy, but I guarantee you it will keep things thriving. Don't be afraid to be cheesy but also make sure EFFORT and THOUGHT goes into whatever it is you come up with! Maintain the romance in your love life fellas or…I will some other man (or woman) will. Maintain the romance in your love life ladies…or some other woman (or man) will.

@renaissance_brotha_

Friends With Benefits: An Ugly Truth

Who gives a f*** about commitment! Yup, I said it: who gives a f***, about, com-mit-ment!

Ok I'm joking.

But what ISN'T a joke, is something that's been sweeping the nation (no, not Ebola) for years and probably will continue to do so, for many more years to come...

Friends With Benefits!

*class is in session*

Basically, friends with benefits is an individual that you have sex with...when you're horny in the mood, without the commitment. He/she isn't someone you look at as BF/GF material nor is it a best friend because you don't wanna ruin the friendship, by "screwing" around! You don't do the whole "dating" thing because then there's this sense of, "obligation" that comes along with dealing with that individual outside of having sex. There's no accountability, there's no holding fu**ing hands (only when she's about to orgasm), I mean, none of that is on the table, when you're only using that "table", to have sex on. Your concern isn't about who else that person is f***ing; well, maybe it should be if you and that person are having unprotected sex but I would hope you're practicing safe sex! This, person, is, only, called, upon, for, sex; nothing more, nothing less. Read that one more time and then meet me at the second paragraph.

Things are different these days. Men are different. Women are different. The concept of relationships, friendships, marriage, and everything else are just...different. Being a friend with benefits isn't something that can work because 8/10 someone is bound to catch feelings and someone is more than likely gonna get hurt because 8/10 those feelings aren't reciprocated. A man will tell you,

"I'm not tryna f*** with her bro because I know my d*** and because I know my d***, I know she's gonna catch feelings and I ain't got time for that bro! In and out nah mean."

A woman will tell you,

"I require too much attention to be JUST a friend with benefits because that s*** is just too fake. If I like him and he don't like me or vice versa...I'm not tryna end up on Snapped nor do I wanna be all in my feelings about some d***!"

You might laugh at those above scenarios, but they're true! Think about the movie Friends With Benefits with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis: where Justin and Mila both agreed to the terms of being "friends with benefits" and how Mila's character begins to develop feelings for Justin as the movie progresses. Yada yada happens and he's like, "nah, no way, f*** outta here, what you mean, we swore on the Bible app that it would only be about the sex, now you're coming at me like this...I don't understand." Well, eventually he found that understanding and realized...she made a better GF than FWB! But in this day-in-age, things are different. Nowadays, [some] men can't handle a woman who can just have sex with them and not get attached. Nowadays, a man's ego can't handle when a woman says, "that was good...*phew*...so what you about to do?" Nowadays, men can't handle...when the roles are reversed.

I will always and forever be about "male empowerment" and respecting the guy code but certain things make my balls itch! When I see men in skinny jeans/leggings or jeggings/tights or any other tight ass clothing- my balls itch. When men call women sluts/bit**es/hoes/whores/thots for having multiple sexual partners but then brag about being a side dude- my balls itch. When dudes manipulate women to the POINT, of no return and f*** them up and send them back into the world for the rest of us to have to deal with- my balls itch! You hear that fellas:

MY (hand clap) BALLS (hand clap) ITCH (hand clap, hand clap).

A lot of you so called real n****/men/boys/bosses/kings: whether Black, Asian, Latino, White, whatever, are real lame! A woman who is in control of her sexuality is a threat to a man, why? Because she understands who she is as a woman and who she is in the face of society. SOME might care what society thinks of her but a REAL woman will be like, "society don't pay my bills so society can eat peanut butter and jelly out my ass!". The moment she agrees to being your f*** buddy you think, "yes, gotcha bit**! I'm bout to have you doing all the sh** a GF would do and all I gotta do is send some text messages here and there give you the D when you in the mood!" The problem lies is when she agrees to it being strictly physical...and doesn't get attached. She'll take the text messages- but she has a bunch of other dudes doing the same sh** you doing. She doesn't need you to keep her warm at night- she got somebody else for that. You wanna start going back on that agreement of it being only about sex- she got other dudes willing to eat her vagina fresh off the toilet without knowing if she wiped or not! You can't control her like you want to and that grinds yo motherf***in gears!!! 

All the things y'all agreed upon, she adheres to and that f***s you up because you thought the "ball was in your court" to only find out she's not up for playing a game of one on one. She might like ya pics, but that about it/might suck ya d***, but that about it- and deep down inside it gets to you; I get it. Most men can't handle not being in control because it makes them feel like LESS of a man! She can arrange for y'all to have sex and after the deed is done get on some, "well, it was fun, but I'm outta here (deuces)" type shit and that's something MOST men can't phantom! It's common that you hear of a woman who catches feelings and usually breaks it off with a guy because he doesn't feel the same as her but for a woman to do that sh*t is like Kobe averaging assist like Chris Paul; it's unheard of!

I can sit here and say, "oh, I would never catch feelings yada yada yada," and then get the p**** put on me so damn good that I wouldn't know WHAT to do with myself! What you DON'T want is me outside ya damn place; watching you through the window, waiting till you fall asleep! We as men have to realize that we can't/wont be in control of every situation. Some women just like having sex and that's that! I've learned a long time ago that a woman will be demeaned and degraded because of her want/need for sex and nothing more. I hate double standards! Society tells you as a woman, "be free, be independent, be you...but if you're out here f**king multiple men you're a hoe!". That same society turns around and tells us as men, "f*** all the women you want, hell, if you don't wanna use a condom, that's ok too!". Bull AND shit! Men want these FWB and the moment they can't manipulate and mold them to their liking there's a problem. Y'all blockheaded ass goofballs be f***in it up for all the other guys, because y'all want these ladies to feel bad about the SAME sh** y'all want; sex! Friends with benefits will never be a concept that fully works because no matter what gets said/doesn't get said, no matter what gets done/doesn't get done...someone will catch feelings and be left to play the bad guy! Women are capable of catching feelings and side stepping yours...just depends on the breed of woman. If you can't handle the maturity that comes along with FWB...beat ya di** till you find someone to beat it for you!

Any questions, comments, or maybe you're seeking advice or any concerns or even feedback- hit me up @ brotharenaissance@gmail.com

@renaissance_brotha_

You Shouldn't Aspire To Be Just...

*names have been changed to protect the innocent*

Friend: don't you HATE when a b**** brag about a n**** that ain't hers?"

Me: yea, but, that's the way of the world I guess

Friend: ugh, I hate that you're so nonchalant Anthony...but this bi*** Kira is sleeping with ol boy.

Me: Hamilton?

Friend: ...

Friend: how did you know that?

Me: she told me

Friend: and you're not mad? What happened if some f***ed your GF?! All that writing you do, you should do a blog on bi*** who ain't s*** and who f*** other girl's men

I know one day I will have a daughter and I will have to explain to her that having a BF is hard work and you should never advise him to "choke and stroke" you during sex because that will only lead to him potentially choking you in real life! I say that to say this: I hope my daughter(s) never aspire to be on reality TV, dating a rapper, who can only read at a 4th grade level and who gets so high, that he can barely park his spaceship (I'm pretty sure I'll have a child by the time those are invented). So, to my future wife (if you're reading this) this piece is for you!

I pray to lil baby Jesus that my daughter never has to go thru what I see so many women go thru today! So, here's on my piece on "labels" or "titles" a woman should NEVER want to aspire to be in life...

*class is in session*

A "baby mama":

Sometimes, things don't work out between you and the father of your child(ren) and for that...I understand. I won't sit here and judge, criticize, talk down on, nor will I ridicule any woman who is currently going thru that type of relationship/situation, but, the REST of you?! Nah! [some] Of y'all ladies are content with being JUST a baby mama to a man who won't commit to anything MORE than eating your vagina when you're angry and picking you up from the gym so that creepy guy won't hit on you anymore. He says,

"I like what we have babe...you got my child, so I ain't going nowhere, (insert forehead kiss) I love you!"

But you know, like I know, like we all know...he full of it!

The fear of being a single mother is a very daunting one, I get it, but I don't get why so many women allow a man to just give them children and not a ring! If all you're getting is pregnant on top of spoon fed bullsh*t on top of excuses on WHY he won't make you a mother AND wife, well, what does that say about you and, what do you then tell your child(ren)? There are too many baby mommas and not enough wives and I'm not saying pressure him because he'll either A) leave B) cheat C) keep giving you the run around. What I am SAYING is: want (hand clap) more (hand clap) for (hand clap) yourself (hand clap, hand clap).

A "career GF":

"Our kids would look so good together...I always wanted a house out in the suburbs...where you wanna have wedding at (insert crazy laugh)...I'm just joking...where's this waitress at?!"

If a chick is talking about weddings and babies and y'all JUST started dating; run! [some] Women are content with being a girlfriend who has all these plans for the future...with a guy she's JUST met! You hardly know his whole damn name and already looking to settle down; relax, he ain't going nowhere. If she says, "men usually don't know what they want and that's why I'm single," and then turns around and says, "...I was thinking long term...and they weren't," and THEN, goes on to say, "but I can see myself being with you tho...forever," and y'all have only been dating for about a month? Exit stage left! The goal is to build and get to know the guy not speak on what hasn't been built with someone you hardly know...where's the logic in that! You see yourself as being a wife...one day, but you're scaring men off to the idea of actually being your man!

A "some day" GF:

If you ask your man, "when are you gonna wife me up," or whoever you contextualize it and he responds like...

hell if I know

or he'll say, "I like what we have (kiss) I just don't, wanna mess things up with a title and then we start arguing..."

7/10 he doesn't see a future with you. Before you gave him the pus** he said, "let's not rush things and see where we end up," and then you gave him the kitty and now he's dancing around your questions better than Justin Timberlake when he was in Backstreet Boys *NSYNC! Lil orphan Annie thought the sun would come out tomorrow, hell, she was hanging on to the fact that the sun was gonna bring it's ol' bright ass out and guess what...we still don't know if it did or didn't. See, Annie had hope, but she wasn't getting di** from Christopher with the green eyes and milk chocolate skin; you are! And no matter how much he dances around the question and into your vagina, the more you allow him or any other man to do the same...you'll forever be a "some day" kinda woman. 

A "side piece":

I laugh at women...

(and apologies to those who this might offend)

I laugh at women who pride themselves in, idk, thinking it's some sort of accomplishment by fu**ing another woman's man like karma doesn't exist. How could you ever fix your lips to ask a man to take you serious, when you take pride in laying down with another's woman's man?! How can you pray to God/Allah/King James or whomever you pray to, to send you a man, when you're not fit, to be a man's one and only option?! Sure, he's content with sexing you down, why? Because after he's done fu**ing you, he goes home, and more than likely tosses his penis into his GF/wife's mouth and they go to bed happy. You on the other hand go to bed lonely as f*** watching old episodes of Law & Order, scrolling thru Instagram, tappin twice n'sh*t! Your ego is the only thing that wins here! You say, "girl, I don't about his bi*** because CLEARLY he don't, so why should I?! He's f**king me AND her and tells me he loves me...I ain't worried bout nothing!" and then you wonder why you can't keep a man! You seen what happened to Sanaa Lathan in that Tyler Perry movie "The Family That Preys," when she thought that the husband was gonna leave the wife for her ass...yea, exactly; ain't happenin captain!

A"booty call":

He calls you and because the d*** is good or because you're lonely or because the dude you're currently talking to is playing more games than an arcade...you head on over to his place; you're a booty call. He took you to that semi nice restaurant and a couple times to them corny ass chain restaurants, for them decent drinks and mediocre ass, warm ass food and that did it for you...bit** kill yourself.

If he never hits you up to go out anymore- you're a booty call.

If he only ask you to come over to chill or ask to come over- you're a booty call.

If the text he sends, always begin after 11 pm- you're a booty call.

The only things open late nights are drive thrus, hole in the wall clubs, strip clubs, and your legs. This man doesn't see a relationship with you, no kinda commitment, no kinda nothing! Sure, he has good sex...but what else does he offer.

*****

I pray my daughter never has aspirations to be anything less than a Queen. I know there was some humorous moments in this blog, but I know sooo many women who are happy with just being: the baby mom, who gets a child support check or the side piece who looks for happiness in the arms of a married man. Why not want more for yourself ladies...why not demand more from these men! You have a choice, you have leverage, you are Queens- Black, White, Latino, Asian, whatever, YOU, are a Queen! It doesn't take a blog to know that or a stupid ass post or tweet to confirm that! How could you be content with knowing that a man only sees you as JUST sex?! There are too many women giving passes and letting excuses run wild and not enough women who stand up and CHECK these men on their sh*t! I want to see you ladies happy...and I'm not talking happy with the new bag bae got you or the heels he got you or the once of month date he takes you on, where 60% of the time, ya'll are on the phone! DEMAND MORE! One day you'll look in the mirror and realize that being a man's wife, a man's life partner...is a lot better than being his cinnamon apple with good pussy, with a college degree, and decent credit!

*class is dismissed*

@renaissance_brotha_

Like a Broke Car, Bro...You're Pushing It

*I know this will get read and I hope it gets read and that it lights a fire under the ass of those who do this: ladies, stop mentioning to men, that WE have all these other f***ing women after us and yada yada yada because it's unattractive and it makes you look weak as a woman! I put it in a blog because if I text, Tango, Skype, email, KiK, SnapChat, Vine, Instagram DM, Tweet, FB post it 8/10 all you'll do is like and/or reference it back in the midst of a convo...STOP DOING THAT SH*T! No man mans to hear it! Ok, women comment and like things upon social media...that's the point! You think you're being funny but the moment a man feels offended then it's, "I need a man that's not a p***y of a God fearing solider," or some tom-foolery like that. Be mindful of how you converse with a man but more importantly how you come across as a woman because you will be blessed with someone exactly like you and if you think that ish is attractive or that it validates something...it doesn't. Cut the sh*t ladies, period.*

**********

Men cheat but women, women?!?! Women CHEAT! I'm not here to bash women or anything like that because I do feel (some) women have their reasons for cheating and this is what this entire blog is about:

reasons why she cheated.

I'm not saying cheating is right, just like I don't agree with Mona Scott producing more Love & Hip Hops but, that's neither here nor there. Sometimes the relationship isn't going too smoothly and she's tired of explaining things to you that you should be understanding after the 1000th time or maybe because you thought it was a good idea to step outside of ya'll commitment and sleep with the heffa Jennifer, you know, the one she's no longer friends with. Whatever the reason is, she's cheated, now what? If you're a typical man, you won't be able to stomach the fact that she's stepped out on you and if you're a typical man, you probably aren't reading this but, to the ones that are,

grab a seat, get comfy...

*class is in session*

1. Not The Man She Fell In Love With:

You remember getting her flowers because it was the nice thing to do or telling her to get dressed to go out to eat because she didn't feel like cooking or massaging her feet after she's had a long day at work...you might not, but she does. You were romantic! I'm talking: Gerald Levert, Keith Sweat, Joe (R&B music in the 90s) kinda romantic but now...you're like The Weeknd,

"can you let me stretch that pu*** out or nah/I'm not the type to call you back tomorrow..."

and while all that will get the vagina wet, if said properly, she's not that interested, why? Because you've changed. Who knows why or what has happened to you but unless that got communicated to her...you messed up bruh. When she goes from voicing her issues on why you don't do what you used to do to not giving a f***, just know she has begun to move on and more than likely she's moved on top of another man (or woman)...but that's none of my business.

2. You're Boring:

You've (hands clap) gotten (hands clap) too damn (hands clap) com-fort-able (hands clap)!

When you've become a robot or a "yes man" I can almost guarantee things will take a turn for the worst. She wants to have sex some place spontaneous- you wanna f*** her on the couch or the bed like always. She wants ya'll to cook together- you wanna go to out to eat or order in. She wants to try something new and you- "I don't know babe, that sounds like it's going to be boring!" YOU'RE boring and I'm talking:

watching paint dry while listening to Ice JJ Fish sing opera music BORING!

All that "naggin" she's doing isn't because she actually wants to...it's because she's tryna convey to you why she's upset and why she misses the way things USED to be! You've gotten all comfortable with the idea that you've got her, well, I hope you get comfortable with the idea that another man will have her like you had her...but that's none of my business.

3. Your Insecurities Are To Blame:

You know what's worse than seeing Flavor Flav and Momma Dee on tape having sex?

A man who is too damn insecure! The same way we as men tend to not wanna deal with women who bring too many insecurities into a relationship...is the same way women tend to get tired of men who use their insecurities as a crutch within the relationship. A real woman won't leave you because you're making less than her- she'll leave you because you aren't motivated to do more or want more. You complain about you being short- she doesn't. You've gained some weight- she tells you she'll go to the gym with you if you want but you're reluctant to do so. Your insecurities as a man has the ability to push her away into the arms of another man...but that's none of my business.

4. Relationship Sabotage:

We as men would like to believe that we're these, pitbull like kinda men and we're stone cold when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart but that isn't the case; we're vulnerable. We can play with a chick's heart and mind but the very moment she turns the tables around... 

THIS bitch!

Honestly, some of us are only filling a void and what's worse about that little piece of info is that a female will keep you around till she's done with you. Oh, you thought we were the only ones to do such trickery? Ha! She will cheat and make sure you find all kinds of pieces to the puzzle so YOU can be left with the dreadful decision: should I stay or should I go... 

Women sabotage on a different level of men and cheat far greater as well. Who lets you go thru their phone knowing evidence is all thru it and leaves the room long enough for you to snoop...but that's none of my business.

5. Karma Is A Bitch:

You remember how you f**ked whatsherface and got caught and thought karma wouldn't catch up to ya, well, it did...and karma is the white dude from her job, who always brings her those snacks she likes with beard that smells like lavender and the penis made of gold! I am no longer a fan of "revengeful cheating" only because I did it and it cost me the love of my life but you have to think about this:

why did you cheat in the FIRST place!?

She might act like it's no big deal...ok, I'm lying, she cares, but it's the fact that you didn't tell her and she found out or it's because you told her and your reasoning sucks! A woman will cheat back on you whether it's physically or emotionally and that sh** wil hurt you...

physically AND emotionally...but that's none of my business.

6. What You Won't Do...:

When you don't make her feel beautiful- another man will. It's simple, I know, but when I tell you that women look towards their man to be their biggest motivator and supporter; bruh! F*** all that, "WCW" ah ah ah, social media validation sh*t because your pops ain't have Instagram and guess what? He and your mom worked out just fine! YOU have to tell her she's beautiful! YOU have to let her know that you appreciate her and the things she does for you and the relationship! YOU have to support her when she needs it most! It's either you do it or have a brotha like me taking her out to bowl n'sh*t...but that's none of my business.

7. She Wasn't Sh*t To Begin With:

Some of these women ain't sh**

and we as men are to blame but

the rest that haven't been tainted or hurt...ain't sh**!

Someone women aren't designed to be in relationships because the idea seems, idk, foreign. The funny thing is, we'll do everything in our powers to convince her that we are just the right kinda man to change her mind, and when she obliges...she treats you like a Meg from Family Guy. When you force a relationship upon a woman who enjoys coming and going as she pleases and for whatever reason you feel that you can change that, I'm sorry but you will get hurt and cheated on...but that is my business...

Why?

Because cheating is f***ing awful! Women cheat fellas and we are partly the reason. Maybe her insecurities lead her to "throw her ass in a circle" on ol dude that drives the BMW or maybe it's the fact that you don't pay enough attention to her. Ladies, I love y'all and I always will but what happens when you have a man that spoils you, is loyal, gives you sex so good that you hug his mama extra tight every time you see her even tho you hate her ass? I would like to believe that men are part of the reason to you cheating but I also know that some women entertain another man and will begin to fall for his ass. If the dude you re with is boring, please let his ass know. If the dude you re with penis looks like a 6th grader's pinky and it doesn't satisfy you but you love him, let him know that. Take responsibility and stop allowing outside options and actions dictate how you go about your duties as a woman. If you are that weak, that you can bring yourself to cheat, that you've lost the ability to talk and make things work or just, idk, leave...that isn't my business...it's yours.

*class dismissed*

@renaissance_brotha_

Back-SEAT, Windows UP pt. 2

*class is in session*

"I'll take the lobster mac n cheese to go and...the head for dessert":

...because there's something sexy about watching a woman eat certain types foods or maybe that's just the freak in me. You ever been out on a date and all to can think about is, "damn...what if I cleared this table RIGHT now and gave her the b

usiness?" or "damn...what if i dropped my fork RIGHT now and went under the table and gave that d*** the business?"

Ok, so maybe you never thought to do that but I'm almost certain the thought to, I don't know...sneak off to the bathroom for a quickie has crossed your mind maybe once or twice? Something like this can only truly be done when on a double date or with just a lot more people than the two of you. It's summer, weather is good, you put on a dress and lets say you decide to not wear panties; you're already ahead of the game! Fellas, slide off to the bathroom, text her, "coast is clear, come get the part of the tip the waitress can't!"

And if you're gonna skip out on the check...have sex before, not after.

tombstone lovin:
The following might be a lil disrespectful and all I'll say is I apologize but...

If you're horny, crazy, and adventurous like myself...you will sneak away to a cemetery and have sex around a bunch of dead folks. Don't hit me with the, "omg, you are insane...I would never..." because a lot of you who've had sex, done sucked and f***ed in some places the law wouldn't allow or Jesus probably raised his eyebrow to! They're dead, you ain't, so, live ya life (ay ay ay)/don't concentrate on the tombstones, just squeeze'em tight.

Ok, so I'm corny and slightly joking but if you want a real rush: hit the cemetery for your next orgasm.

goalpost d*** down:
In every town there's a high school that has a football field or just a big ass field with grass, that is usually used to play some sport on, which could also be used to have sex on! In high school (or college), many of us had some form of sex behind a stairway, old classroom, library, locker room, I mean, that list goes on, but not many have had the pleasure of getting some ass...ON...the grass! Throw caution to the wind and take a trip to a local high school and just, go for it! Have sex in the middle of the field, have sex against the goalpost, have sex in the stands, why don't ya! Sex will always be fun in places that were off limits as a teen and the field is one of them.

"I'm sorry ladies and gentleman, I don't mean to bother ya'll...":

If you're from New York...you've heard that before on a train...

If you're from New York or maybe you've been here to visit, then you know of our hectic ass subway system. Here, we have plenty of trains that can take you were you wanna go, that run at all hours of the morning and night. If you are looking for a good rush for the summer; train sex is a great adventure! Always go for a cart that is either in the front or all the way in the back. Never and I mean never not keep your eyes peeled open for homeless folks, crazy ass teenagers, folks who are either coming from work or going to work or going home or coming from home, and more importantly, the cops! This would be the time for a quickie or hell, even a lil oral action! Hold on to that pole ladies as he subway surfs inside of you! Hold your lady up fellas, as she dangles from the bar like she's Mimi...but better looking! If all of this doesn't interest you...just let her ride, as you ride...save the missionary for...

"after hours project" - Dr. Evil voice:
THE COPY MACHINE!

See what I did there? I digress...

Work place sex is always good because if you have that one co worker that you hate, you can always have sex right there on their desk and let them sit in your ass juices the next morning. Boss says you need to finish up on a project? Great! Work on the project, while she works on that d*** under your desk! Boss gives you the green light to catch up on some work because you were on vacation last week? Awesome! Give her head on the copy machine and make her call you by your last name as you stroke her in the kitchen area! The supply closet, the utility closet, the janitor's closet, hell, your boss (or company) doesn't have cameras all over the place...have sex in the boss office! Could you imagine being deep inside of her and your boss comes off the elevator and she's screaming your name...bruh!

"stuck" in the elevator:
You're on vacation...elevator sex on the last night! Forgetabout the cameras that will be watching; give'em a show! You go down on him...he goes down on you..foot on his shoulder...rubbin his face all in it...lookin down at him...back up at the camera...back down at him...bite your lip a lil...bend her over...grip her by the waist...fu** it, moan if it's good (women love that sh*t)...just make sure...you not in the p**** making love bruh. You know how sexy it is to finish up and how funny is to be walking off the elevator and someone is coming on and the whole damn thing smells like sex...bruh!

parents trap':

I'm totally for having sex in the parents bedroom, why? Because 9/10 the parents aren't doing Ray J and Kim K sh** in there to begin with! I'm putting the pillow that pops put his head on every night right under her lower back, so I can have that p**** in the air just so I can taste it better and...hit that g-spot a lil better. Ride me till you cum and do it again on the side of the bed that your mom sleeps on. Grip them sheets as I enter you from the back and slap ya ass so hard that it echoes throughout the room. As kids, we slept in our parents bed and got mad when they kicked us out but what mommy don't know, won't hurt her. F*** it, film that sh**! What do you have to lose by filming it? Not (claps hands) a (claps hands) thinggg (claps hands, claps hands)! I'm not saying do this with a dude you've just met, hell, not even your partner of 1 year, but whatever you do...make sure you make that person do some ish that they wouldn't want anybody in the world to see.

Like eating that ass like a waffle cone from Mr. Softee.

Pleaseeee, be mindful of your height and weight restriction before you consider sex in any damn place! Use condoms! I didn't mention a place like the plane because I have a phobia of heights and my ass ain't never seen a plane, let alone been on one! If you're adventurous, try hitting a fair or amusement part and have sex somewhere around there. Wherever you decide to get freaky...keep them eyes and ears open because getting caught eating pu*** in Central Park after work...never mind.

@Renaissance_Brotha_

Back-SEAT, Windows UP

It's been a lil' minute since I've written a blog about sex, so, I figured, with summer coming to an end...let's talk about sex ba-by!

I love sex...especially in different places, example:
you go out on a nice date, you guys are conversing and you start kissing, "ooo gimmie that face, let me kiss it," all that silly sh*t and now she's like, "babeee, let's get back home already I'm wet!" Why wait to get home to make her touch her toes when you can hit an alley and throw her that di** that'll have her screaming louder than Meek Mill on a track (Free Meek)! I mean, if two dogs can enjoy a nice pasta dinner in an alley...you can serve her di** harder than Papa John's crust!

The point I'm making is; be spontaneous! Spice up that relationship/marriage! Sure, the cops are out here buggin or ya'll been bored the entire summer and yada yada yada but guess what? Sex cures all! Ok, I'm joking, but, having sex in different places is a better alternative than having sex in the living room; that's for sure.

I won't bore you any longer...

*class is in session*

"nah...pull over right there":

you ever got head while driving tho? im not talkin real fast, im talkin kinda slow...

BARS *Kevin Hart voice*

Whether it be oral or just plain ol' sweaty, hot, nasty sex in the car: sex in the car is a great thing! Some might argue that it brings bad luck upon the car, but how many of ya'll done had some form of sex in the car on Tuesday and two weeks later...the brakes gave out? Exactly, NEVER!

Ladies: rub on his penis while he's driving and just start talking crazy to him,

"say I won't put all that d*** in my mouth right now while you at the light!?"

or

"pull my d*** out babe...let me kiss it"

I guarantee YOU...he will whip his penis out faster than a chick with an EBT card at the supermarket from her Gucci bag!

Fellas: ya'll on the way home from a date, forget all that, "wait till I get you in the house" ish...handle her ass in the car!

"ah, babe...pull over right there...yea, right there...don't worry, don't worry"

or
"babe...babe...look...*rubbing penis ever so gently*"

That's right fellas, you or her should park up somewhere and climb in the backseat and get right into it! Fog them windows up! Have her ride you reverse cowgirl while you grip the back of her neck and whisper some nasty stuff in her ear! Give her backshots while she's grippin the dashboard, hell, have her lay out ON the dashboard and go ahead and get you a mouthful of her...you get the point. Just make sure you watch out for people and the cops...an orgasm one minute and Miranda Rights the next," don't mix!

public places:

You want an adrenaline rush? Have sex in a public place! Nothing says, "that was a great date," or "I love you" more than sex in the park! Forget all that, "oh babe, but, the bums sleep here," bs and sit her ass down that bench and treat right! Throw her legs in the air, lick on the clit and finger her at the same damn time! Not a fan of that bench? Have sex on the grass: missionary or let her ride you. Not cool with the park idea? Cool, hit a rooftop and enjoy the summer breeze and some sex your mother would be disappointed about you having! Hit a park...and enjoy natures first ever "sex swing". If you're up for a real challenge: hang from the monkey bars and have your partner give you oral and see how long you can last...whoever last longer...cooks dinner for a week! You ever had your woman's legs rested upon your shoulders while you suck on them lips!? Bruh! Just make sure you keep an eye out for the cops..."baby I'm cummin" one minute and "FREEZE," the next, don't mix!

"marco...marco...marco...G-SPOT!":

As kids, pools were always fun for playing basketball, seeing who could swim the fastest, hosting parties/BBQs, but as an adult...it's only good for skinny dippin' and having sex! Yup, you read right: s-e-x! If you don't have a pool of your own, that's cool, hit a public pool or drive to an area that might have one, you know, one those nice neighborhoods with the big driveways and green ass grass. Throw ambition to the wind and give him head under water! Not cool with that idea because you're afraid to get your hair wet: sit his ass on the edge of the pool, while you're still emerged and pretend his penis is a microphone and you're auditioning for America's Got Deep Throaters! Maybe you're not a fan of the pool idea, ok, cool...maybe a hot tub/Jacuzzi will work better. Have him sit down on the first few steps, straddle him, place your hands on his shoulders, and you ride him! Or, you lounge back and have him enter you and stroke you till his legs give out! Just make sure you keep an eye for the cops...looking back at your ass, as it makes waves one minute and "...do you guys live here?" while the cuffs dangle the next, don't mix.

give the neighbors a show:
I'm a huge fan of balcony sex because there's something about the freedom of knowing someone might be watching and allowing your partner to moan and scream as loud as they want; ahhh! Doggystyle while over looking a great view? Priceless! Whenever you go on vacation and your hotel or wherever you stay at has a balcony, I suggest sex happens. Receiving head while that annoying ass neighbor, that always keeps their blinds open, who decides to finally look over and takes notice to what you're doing? Priceless! Screaming so loud that you wake up the neighbors or your roommates (ha...sigh)? Priceless! Ladies...put on some heels and do a lil dance for him before you throw that ass back on him! Fellas...smack her ass, grip her by the waist, grab her by the shoulders and thrust harder, pull on her hair and play with her breast! The objection of balcony sex is to enjoy the view, be as loud as you want to while you're enjoying each other...not to be on some timid sh*t!  Just make sure you keep an ear out for the cops...your neighbors will call'em quick fast, because you re the one gettin ass.

"let me suck that d*** and see how many you can get done babe": 

I'm talking...sittin her on top of the counter and taking a step back, biting your bottom lip right before you place your face between her thighs. I'm talking...you giving him sloppy top (head, oral) while he's washing dishes and seeing how many he can wash before he cums. I'm talking...ignoring that pasta sauce and riding him in the chair while that sh** bubbles over. I'm talking..."let's go out to dinner babe," one minute and, "take them panties off and climb up on that table and let get a taste..." the next. I'm talking...69'in on the floor! You ever had sex for so long the damn steak got over cooked? You ever listen to the sound of them moaning so loud, that you forget that the water has been on for over 40 minutes!? Whatever you decide to do, just make sure you clean up after...because pubic hair and a bowl of cereal, don't mix.

fitting room action:

Maybe its the risk seeker in me but there's something sexy about sneaking into a dressing room and enjoying a quickie. This isn't the time to be making love or, "oh, I just wanna enjoy it, take it easy," kinda sex...this is that, "put these panties in your mouth babe and fuck me like you hate me before we get caught!" kinda action. F*** I look like, Michael Jackson Moonwalking in the pu***...I'm tryna Bobby Shmurda Shmoney Dance these strokes, bang-bang, and then boogie back into my dressing room before that annoying ass sales associate comes to double check on me. Go for a large department store, not those corny H&M kinda places where they rush you out of the dressing room because everybody is either A) tryna steal some sh** or B) trying on some sh*t they aren't even gonna buy after walking around for the next few minutes. There's no cameras and, if you get one with a mirror?! #Winning! Just make sure you keep your eyes and ears open...cops will break that sex session up quicker than the St. Louis riots!

..too soon?

Saving Ryan's Privates:

Mannn, who gives a damn about going to the movies and seeing ol' boring ass Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles after you JUST took your lil brother; not a damn soul! Movie theater sex is always good because you can go at certain times, to see a movie that 9/10 not a soul will be watching! Mid afternoon...who in their right mind is going to see Lucy? No one! Go for the back or mid section if you get caught so you can make a quick dash to the exit or head to the top so you can a lil more privacy from that annoying ass usher who wanna decides to finally do his job. Get a big ass thing of popcorn (yes, a LARGE *he/she got moneeeey*) and make a penis hole big enough for you to, you know, give a nice lil hand job or...maybe some head, depending on how you're feeling. Try to see if you can sneak into the projection room or the steps, this way, if usher "They Don't Pay Me Enough" puts his flashlight on you or blows his whistle...you can run for it, run for it, RUN! Just make sure you keep an eye out for an usher because he will more than likely be with a cop and, well...these cops ain't f***in around outchea!

If you wanted more, don't worry...part 2 drops tomorrow!

@Renaissance_Brotha_