Girl Code

So back in 2011 MTV thought of the great idea to bring the unwritten laws of man to T.V. and since then, this show has been a success! This show ladies and gentlemen...

is Guy Code.

Honestly, I was against the show because to me, how in the hell are you gonna expose some of the great things that bond US, as men, together regardless of race, age, color, creed, religion, or gang affiliation. So when it first started to come on, I watched, not too much impressed, but now, I watch it whenever it's on! And why? Because it's pretty damn accurate for the most part and...it's hilarious! Now the show doesn't explain all things regarding men but it does a pretty good job covering the basic things. In reality, there are certain things we just don’t do to one another (men) unless betrayed first. There's been PLENTY of times where a dude would hit me up and say, "aye bro, ummm, I've been talkin to so&so and we think that blog sh*t you're doin is cool, we f**k wit it but ummm...why you snitchin on us bruh!?" To me, I don't see it as snitchin, I mean, a lot of men snitch on themselves way more but, I digress. Today's class won't be about Guy Code, oh no, today we're gonna dicuss...Girl Code.

No, not the spin off show that MTV is doing of Guy Code...well, yea, it is like that, but just in blog form, and a lil more ratchet and funnier. I've learned over the years that there is no unwritten rule between women, which is why females constantly say, "I don't hang with b****es because they can't be trusted! That's why I hang with men more,"...righ-t! Here's what I've learned over the years: a female will betray another girl to gain favor with a man, how fucked up is that? My good friend tells me this all the time, "you know Ant, you're a good guy, because I don't see HOW you f***in befriend these chicks because on the real...females ain't s***!" You know how guys handle sitautions that are too much for words, they fight. Females on the other hand, are a lot more mean and vicious and won't stop till tears are messing with the makes-up, blood is drawn, and weave is missing. A man will see another man out and they could be beefin over he say-she say and they'll be at the club and they'll either

A) step outside, talk about it and if words don't work,
B) they'll fight

and once they fight, they'l go back to that friendship they had but better. A female could be in the same situation and throw shade the whole night and then two weeks later they'll be dancing to "Doo Doo Brown" together with dudes who are more than likely to follow them around the club the whole night, just as THIRSTY as they wanna be but then next week...won't be messin with each other.

So for those men/women who are uncertain of Girl Code, here you go

*class is in session*

"Girlll, I'm Goin Thru IT!":
Don't ever share your struggle with the next chick, not even ya mama! Ok, I'm joking about your mother, but seriously, don't share your problems with the next chick. “Girlll, let me tell you how bad sh*t is right now: I can't afford this weave, I can't get them heels, I can't keep a man because he don't want nothin to do with me or lil' Javoni. My check came up short and I had to borrow money from that big headed ass n**** A.J. and you know he said yes...but only if I gave him head." I don’t care if you have money issues, health issues, or relationship issues, don’t share your struggle with these chicks. You and Sherri might be cool this month, she may even give you good advice, but one day soon you will be beefing over something stupid and Sherri will tell Nicki n' dem: “You know she be sucking n****s dicks for money when her phone bill due?” or “They found a crabs all in her coochie? It came from fucking all those dirty dudes who be at the club” or “You know her Mother lost her job and be borrowing money from her, bet she on crack again!? Girlll, you know her mama like Keyshia Cole mama now!” Anything you tell your present bestie, know it can be used to slander once she becomes your future enemy. I’ve seen it happen dozens of times.

"Let Me Borrow Money Till Thursday So I Can Fill My Tank Girl":
I don't care if you're White, Black, Asian, Middle Eastern, Latino, or a damn alien...your homegirl will ALWAYS keep a running tab on the money she's lent you. If I pay for my boy to get in the club or buy him dinner, it’s not, “remember you owe me $37.50”that's just that. When a girl does another girl’s hair she’s counting how much grease she used, the oil sheen, and the electricity consumed while that b**** had the blow dryer running. You go out to the club; you can’t get a nigga to buy you that Patron & Pineapples that you need to back ya ass up? “Oh I got you girl” b**** please, best believe your homegirl just added that 9 dollars to her mental note pad. Next time you’re out and its time to pay for something, “ummm, but what about that $103 you owe me tho” The other girl will have no idea how she’s amassed this much debt, she thought her friend was helping her out. And don’t try and get out of paying unless you want to ruin your credit score, it goes Experian, Equifax, TransUnion, and Amber Washington. If you don’t pay up she will go to the sisterhood and ruin your credit with them by saying, “don’t let that b**** hold nuffin girl, she dead ass won't pay you back.” So if you’re on hard times, and need 20 dollars to get in the club, I suggest you make up an excuse as to why you can’t come out. When you put money between two females the friendship will not last.

"Terrance? Yea, His Pipe Game Is Good Girl!":
Females talk about sex, that's a given. I use to think it was cute to be talked about amongst females, "oh Ant, yea girl, he can do some-THANGS with his tongue and girlll, he..." you get the point but these woman today go IN. I once walked into a speaker phone conversation of a girl explaining how some guy’s dick wasn’t that long but it was wide, and how she prefers short thicker ones rather than long skinny ones, I had to walk out of the room because it grossed me out, yet that description stuck with me because it was so traumatizing to hear a girl talk like that. But for a woman it satisfies a curiosity, and plants seeds. If you tell your homegirl how good he is at eating pu$$y or that he went extra and ate your ass, she stores that in her head. You talk about his dick game being the best you’ve had, even the most loyal woman will store that data like a motherf***ing usb drive. You’re sisters, nothing will happen right? #Haaaaa! You told her he made you cum…this girl doesn’t even know what that feels like. Why wouldn’t she want conduct her own test? I’ve had it happen on a few different occasions where the friends of an ex gave me their number. This one girl was my ex’s super best friend, they were like blood sisters. I started talking to her on the phone and I’m like, “so yall don’t hang anymore?” this hoe had the nerve to say, “she was just over here, that’s what reminded me to call you”. I’m a man, I have no obligation to the ex not to f*** her friend, but her friend should have enough respect for her not to go there. I stopped talking to her because I knew what the end result would be between the two of them, but in retrospect I should have smashed and let them deal with it. Don’t kiss and tell.

Three Months:
I know she’s your friend, and you don’t want to end up as “that girl” who picked up the leftovers, but f*** that. If your friend dates a guy for three months or less, you have the right to sign him to a contract. Don’t ask permission because she’ll say, “I was thinking about getting back with him” just to keep you at bay. I suggest giving her a one month period after the breakup to pick up the option on the ex boyfriend. If she doesn’t get back with him in those 30 days or talk about going back to him, then you’re free to do your thing.

"Oooo, Girl, Where You Get That From?":
“That is FLY...where you get that from girl?" I hate hearing that s***. Every time I’m out with one of my homegirls, someone asks her some random question about a bracelet or a blouse. Why do you care? Why would you want to go buy something another girl has? I remember girls used to front back in the day, “I got this from (insert some famous spot)” for some reason when I was younger every girl would lie and say they brought clothes from (insert some famous spot) where in reality they brought it from Aero or Rainbow. Thanks to the internet you can get fly with clothing from Paris, Japan, or even some hand me down shit you found on Craigslist and no biting ass hoe can steal your swag as long as you delete your browser history. Where did you get that? Just say, “Craiglist”.

"Darren, That's My Bro Girl, You Better Keep Him, I Like Him":
A good man is hard to find, so use your three month rule. You know your homegirl has issues, she doesn’t know how to keep a man, and she’ll always go running back to her ex from four years ago. So why not do some pre-gaming of your own? Talk to her current boyfriend, see what he likes, if he’s cool, has a good job. Give him the flirt test to make sure he’s not a cheater. Your homegirl will fill you in on the sex stuff and there you have it, more info than eHarmony could ever give you. Who knows, he may be way more compatible with you than he was with her. By the end of their two month relationship, you can pretend to just find him on Facebook, and then proceed to ask, “so what have you been up to, buddy?”.

Fri-enemy:
You love her, you’ll do anything for her, she’s your motherf***ing girl— I understand. But do me this one favor, in the back of your head; know that any moment she can turn on you. Have you ever seen the Terminator sequels? The T2 has been reprogrammed to be John Connor’s friend and protect him. But Sarah Connor, being the wise woman that she is, warns her son, “He’s still a Machine”. John Connor loves the Terminator, but he has to be prepared for that son of a b**** to go Skynet on him. So while they laugh and say “Hasta La Vista Baby”, John is only seconds away from blowing his f***ing head off. That’s what it’s like to be a girl, you can trust your girlfriend all you want, but as soon as a new girl comes around, a cute guy comes into the picture, or a promotion is up for grabs, she will Terminate your ass using all the information you’ve given her over the years.

So in closing, women all across the world need to establish a set group of laws, so that the friendship can stay intact thru hell and high waters.

*class dismissed*

@renaissnace_brotha

Liar, Liar Weave On Fire

Disclaimer: These don’t apply to ALL females, just some and the ones that I’ve encountered...and then some. So please don't come looking for me and try to give me a piece of your mind or anything like that because I will have a homeless person give YOU, a 2 piece for a 2 piece and a biscuit, word to Yeezy & Kim's unborn child.

For today's class, we will be discussing lies that females tend to tell. Some are small, others, well, they might pretty big, but this piece is meant to serve as form of entertainment, nothing more, nothing less. Now before you read the blog, I need you to take a couple mins to watch the below clip, it will assist in the humor that is attached to this blog: MADTV Vancome Lady (pay attention the her "catch phrase")

*class is in session*

Pretty...Brown Eyes?:
YOU KNOW WHAT?! (Vancome Lady voice): I’m almost certain your natural eyes aren’t wolf grey or Green Lantern green, especially since not a damn soul in your family got that color. Wearing contacts are cool and needed if you can't see, I’m sure we all can agree on that, BUT, when you wear colors that are wild crazy…#fail! A friend of mine deceived me once (I won't put you on blast but you know who you are and I'm sure you'll text me a screenshot of this after you're done reading this lol) and it was crazy because she said her eyes were some crazy color (grey or some ish like that and I believed her (smh). Moral of the story: leave that for Halloween…or for the rave parties.

"Is That Yo Hair?!!?" (Missy Elliot voice):
YOU KNOW WHAT? (Vancome Lady voice): You’re right hun, you paid for it, so it IS your hair. But just because you paid for that pack of Milky Way or those bundles of Nigerian Brazilian, DOES NOT give you the right to lie about it being your hair. I know you're reading this like, "but who really does that?!?" but you would be surprised at just how many females have told me that it was really there and the work that was done to their hair was flawless to the point where you couldn't even tell the difference. Now, my eye for “your hair” vs. “horse hair” has become sharper over the years and I thank the countless number of females who’ve taught me how to distinguish between the 2. It’s not cool to lie about this for a number of reasons:
1) we're having sex and you give me the green light to pull on your hair and it comes off…you now have an angry young black man on your hands! I’m more than likely to toss it back in your face and keep goin or...toss it on the dirty floor.
2) If you spend the night and I wake up before you and you roll over and the hair stays on the pillow…expect a post about you and a damn blog, straight like that.

Babe, I'm Not Mad:
YOU KNOW WHAT?! (Vancome Lady voice): ...but you ARE mad! I know that, you know that, so there’s no need to lie about this. Usually, women who have been hurt by dudes in their lives, often unintentionally, use this phrase as an emotional defense.
Example: If James forgets his 3 year anniversary, wifey isn’t gonna let it. Instead of admitting that she’s actually quite hurt, she’ll say, “I’m not mad babe” and pat him on the back. LIAR!
She may half-heartedly pretend that she doesn’t care, but she does. In reality, she does care, very much so, but doesn’t want to look too bitchy about it, so she puts up the flimsiest of facades to indicate otherwise.
Now you KNOW, this kinda lie is easy to pick up on because some ladies barely bother to hide their irritation in this situation. As unjust as it may seem, ya’ll want us to read ya’ll minds and learn that, in this case, “Babe, I’m not angry,” actually means, “I really wish a snake would bite yo ass cause that’s how obvious my hate for you right now is.” Just let me know what the deal is…I’m not Miss Cleo, just tossin that out there.

Do I Look Like I Want/Need a Man?:
YOU KNOW WHAT?! (Vancome Lady voice): This is false, although at least it’s told with the best intentions, in order to soften rejection. How often do we hear, “I just got outta a bad relationship and I will kill the next man who breaks my heart!” or “f**k dudes, get money! I’m too focused to have time for some dude.” Truth about it is, if Shae is single and at all interested in you, she will certainly make the time to date you. Plain annddd simple! Are you unsure of how to detect if she’s lying: see if she appears to be uncomfortable, can’t look you in the eye, full of excuses…then liar, liar, weave on fire! Let it go. Many more females out there who are willing to be upfront with you than beating around the bush.

My Mac N' Cheese is on POINT:
YOU KNOW WHAT?! (Vancome Lady voice): Reheating what mommy made in microwaving is NOT cooking. I don’t care how damn good you can make a Hot Pocket or some scrambled eggs, that sh*t ain't cooking! Do it LOOK like I want a Hungry Man dinner? The answer to that is HELL NO! If you can Youtube old music videos and how to braid, you can Youtube how to cook some pasta or how to marinate a steak and cook it with some veggies, just saying.

Tuuh, You See Me Tho! Why I Gotta Hate?!:
YOU KNOW WHAT?! (Vancome Lady voice): You are jealous. Whenever your homegirl wears a new outfit out to the club and all the dudes give her the attention you were expecting to get because you thought those skin tight jeans were gonna get you guys in VIP and the plan fails, it gets ugly…whale sex. “Tanya hoe ass got her ass all out, drinkin up all they Ciroc, thinkin she cute! That’s why her weave is rented.” That right there is hate mama. Whenever the next chick is doin good, some females have the tendency to throw shade, instead of complimenting the next chick. Hatin in the female community is at an all time high, sheesh.

The Only Thing I Put in My Mouth Is FOOD!:
YOU KNOW WHAT?! (Vancome Lady voice): I just think you don’t want me to believe that you’re a slut, because I don’t…at least not right off the back. MOST females are nervous about a guy’s reaction when he asks, “so, do you (radio edit)?” and she says, “Yes.” You’re cautious of what to reveal, so when you say no, thinking all will be well and you finally do decide to do it…he’s moaning outwardly but inwardly he’s thinking, “this lyin HEFFA!” There’s no need to lie about this, especially when it’s not that big of a deal. YEAH, as guys we act like 2 dogs who are just meeting each other for the first time when you state you’re a “brain educator”. YEAH, I like ketchup on my damn eggs in the morning with a side of wheat toast topped with fruit and cottage cheese. YEAH, you lying about giving head it’s a big damn deal. But I get why; it’s a personal act that you hold sacred and you want us to believe that you don’t do it to everyone who whips out the turkey neck & dumplings to you (penis & testicles). If I lied about my penis size…I’m almost certain you’d feel some kinda way…so lets just be upfront about things, we’re all adults here, for the most part.

You The Best I Ever Haaad (Drake voice):

YOU KNOW WHAT? (Vancome Lady voice): Outwardly you’re saying: “I’m the best you ever had, best you ever had” (in your Drake voice) BUT inwardly you’re saying, “cause hon-estly you turned out to be theee..best thing I ne-ver hadddd!" (in your Bey voice). This lie pairs with the one above. When chicks are committed to a dude, they focus on him, often believing, time and time and time again, that he’s “the one.” Because girls have this tendency, they also tell guys whatever they think they want to hear, just to make them feel good about themselves. Honestly speakin ladies, how many of you done told these guys, “zammnnn zaddy, you put it on me!!” and then ran to the bathroom and called Keisha like “girrlll, I need you to come over here crying like Quan beat you up so this dude can leave…DAMN he was wack!” TONS of you! Here’s the thing (Kevin Hart voice): sex lies, are a dime a dozen. Do these lies sound familiar ladies; “I came with you,” “I’ve slept with 5 guys,” and “yeaa, you made me cum.” Ok, you didn’t cum w/ me cause I came 4 mins ago, you didn’t sleep with 5, it’s more like 9 ½, and I didn’t make you cum, I seen you rollin your eyes as you were sayin that. Honestly, take what she tells you with a grain of salt. You shouldn’t be asking her to rate her sexual experiences, period. It’s tacky my dude, but that doesn’t mean that it’s ok to lie either ladies. Do what I do, if you know she’s lying, laugh and be like…”oh yeah?!?!” (mad sarcastically).

What to take from this:

DO NOT lie! That's that! I mean, I know some guys are thirsty, but just tell him the truth, it's when you lie and we find out...we go in! Yes, some dudes act like women when it comes to hearing the truth, but that doesn't mean you should go left instead of going RIGHT...then you might crash into a tree. Like I've said before: women lie more than men and get away with it because dudes don't have that skill trait that women have, it's like they're built for lying.

Ladies, do you often tell lies to spae his/her feelings? What are some other lies women tell? Let a brotha know!  oh yea, there's a part 2 to this, so stay tuned!

*class dismissed*

So I Have This Friend: Good Kid, Ratchet City

Friend: "(sigh) I don't know what's wrong with females these days bro!"


Me: "What you mean (lol) you gotta elaborate."Friend: "Ima keep 100: why is it that women claim they want a man who has everything but then they f*** with the complete opposite!? Like, that s*** don't make no sense!"Me: "Oh, I see what you're saying now! So you mean, "bads dudes ain't no good, the good dudes ain't no fun/the ratchet chicks want a smart brotha, & the college girls all want a thug," or nah?"Friend: "(LMAO) Son, you're nuts but exactly my point! They want a good dude but then they don't know what to do when they run into a man like me. So I need you to write about this..."Me: "Check back with me Saturday, I got you."

So I have this friend...good kid, ratchet city...

The title doesn't have much to do with the blog, but, then again, maybe it does, but I will leave that up to you as the reader to interpret.

Meet Josh: handsome, respectful, ambitious, mid 20 something, very educated, diverse, athletic, has a great city job with benefits (NYC resident), own car, social drinker, spiritual, and most importably, he's s-i-n-g-l-e!

If there's one thing I know for certain is this: (some) women don't appreciate a good man when they meet one! And sure, the same can be said about men not appreciating a good woman but that's already a known fact! So my homeboy Josh, hits me up the other day to talk about all that he's been going thru with women and to me, it's nothing new. Why? Because I deal with the same thing as well on a daily basis. Good guys finish last, period-point-blank. Women want men to be this somewhat "mythical creature" and once they run into the man that fills everything on their "list" or a least a good portion of it...they f*** him over for a dude who only fills one thing on that list...#dick. How do you want a man to be honest with you and you're not even truthful about what it is that YOU want? If you want a dude with a 9-5, boo boo, make yourself available for one. If you want Deshawn with the neighborhood good pipe game, boo boo, you go out there and you get himmm. The difference between a n*gga and a man is this: a REAL man will handle his responsibilities despite what anyone has to say about him/to him and will continue to strive for success no matter what life throws his way and a n*gga is usually that dude in the neighborhood (hood) that many label as a "real n*gga" because he's done some sh*t that a Man will second guess, i.e. get a chick pregnant with no intentions of sticking around or bust his gun over sh*t that probably could've been talked about over a Corona, some wings, and lap dances at the local strip club. So what happens? A woman will say, "girl, I'm so tired of these ain't sh*t dudes, like seriously now, this sh*t is getting old! I want a man that will take me for who I am, spoil me with loyalty, finance me, put up with my mood swings, accept my meanness for no reason, stay committed even when I emotionally cheat with other guys, give me the D on a regular, give me head, hell, I want him to eat my a** at LEAST once a month, and I want him to look good and let me have all his passwords!"

and then they go for dudes who

• sell drugs
• verbally abusive and or physically abusive
• f*** them and get head from their friend(s)
• have no goals or ambitions
• listen to Chief Keef (joking because I'm listening to him as we speak)
• lives at home and contributes nothing

and I mean that list can literally go on for forever and a day; like the list of ain't sh*t men. You're saying one thing and but you're going after another...what sense does that really make? NONE! 

Now, if what you read thus far hasn't interested you yet, well, maybe the following will. So you say you're looking for a man right? STOP chasing these ass n*ggas, simple as that! N*ggas nowadays are only good for a few things:

• F*CKIN you
• F*CKIN up your mind
• F*CKIN up your pockets
• and lastly, F*CKIN up your heart

How is it that you want a man to bring "X Y Z" (that can be a variety of things) to the table and

• you have X (you want him to have a job and you have a job)
• you're working towards Y (could be you want him to educated and have a degree or has at least been enrolled in college, but you're looking to get into school)
• and you have NO damn idea of what Z is (could be you want him to have his own place, but you still live at home)

Men get tired of hearing women talk about what a "man is supposed to be like, what a man should be doing yada yada," when in theory, YOU, yourself, DON'T know who you are or what you want! Let's talk about women who are in fact intimated by a good man; the fact that chase them away to chase after the dudes who won't even chase THEM to begin with. It's pathetic to say the least. "But there are no good guys, they're either dead or in jail or taken or gay!" That kinda statement is straight up and down foolery! If you're constantly saying that men aren't sh*t...well guess what honey boo boo child, maybe (hand clap) its (hand clap) you (hand clap) who (hand clap) ain't (hand clap) sh*t (hand clap). You're the common denominator in that equation, not the guy and why? Because you're attracting them to YOU! Of course this isn't for all women because how skewed and narrow and closed minded would that be, but this piece is for those women who ignore a good man when they're on their knees at night praying for "Mr. Right" to come into their lives and mend their broken hearts. If you value honesty, be honest with what you want. If you want consistency, be consistent with your feelings and emotions. If you value time, don't waste time telling yourself you want things  to be of a particular way, and turning around and wasting the time of a man that could love and honor someone who is deserving of all that he has to offer. The same goes for men as well. 

My advice to you Josh: continue working hard and bettering yourself as a M-A-N and progressing not only mentally but spiritually as well. Relationships don't come about from you praying to your higher power to bless you with a soulmate-no-it happens by going out and enjoying life. Luck is how it happens, regardless of what eHarmony tries to shove down your throat or any false prophet tries to tell you. Be yourself and the right woman will come into your life when the time is right. Make sure you bring to the table whatever it is you require from her. Make sure your standards are rational, reasonable, and respectful; rational-your expectations are clear and concise, reasonable-nothing that you require is farfetched, and lastly, respectful-your partner has an understanding of the type of person you are and will be able to gain a better understanding of who you are through communication throughout the course of courting (dating for you young folk). We all know that men decide relationships, so, with that being said make sure you follow this guideline:

Make sure you know the DIRECTION in which you want the friendship to go in because grey areas will lead to problems down the road. Make sure you have an UNDERSTANDING of who you are before you venture into anything and once that's set, you move forward into a relationship. Once in that relationship, make sure your TRUST issues from the past are dealt with or...you'll have to deal with them AND new ones in your present AND future. Also, keep the lines of COMMUNICATION open because like the old saying goes, "communication is key!" And lastly...make sure that you are HONEST at all times about your intentions, your feelings, and more importantly, who, you, ARE! You take all of that and the two of you will be able to go D-U-T-C-H...half on a friendship and them a relationship.

D(irection) - U(nderstanding) - T(rust) - C(ommunication) - H(onest) = to go half on a partnership, whether it be a friendship, or a friendship that leads into a relationship.

Ladies, do better.

@renaissance_brotha

Snoop...No Doggy Dog

I'm not a huge fan of people who snoop, let me just say that first and foremost. My thing is, if you go looking for something hard enough, you're either:

A) not gonna find what you were looking for so that will leave you feeling some type of way.

or

B) you WILL find it and once you find what it is that you're looking for...9/10 you're NOT gonna be too pleased with your findings.

Nowadays, it seems like both men AND women wanna play the role of Inspector Gadget or his niece Penny...have a seat. Leave that, "investigation" BS to the real life detectives and law enforcement agents and people of that nature and worry more about the pressing issues that's going on in your relationship. You know what grinds my gears the most? The people who go snoopin, who DON'T know what it is that they're looking for and who lack the ability to trust. Now on the FLIP side to that, I understand why many play the role of detective...motherf***as lie so much! Lying is at an all-time high! Its to the point that a person lies so much that they aren't even deserving of your trust! Any person lie to your face, how you respect'em? Don't worry, I'll wait...

Oh

But I digress...

Today's class we will discuss, "snoop troopers" better known as snoopers.

*class is in session*

Snooping has been around for centuries! Back in the day, cave women would travel by foot to see if their husband was at work like he said he would be and then travel BACK home by foot and made sure that the house was clean and that dinner was done by the time he got home. Nowadays...that's not the case, hell, you'll be lucky if you get Chinese take out after your girl finds that a condom is missing from your drawer. Guys always wonder why a woman will go through emails, texts, call logs, wall post on Facebook, your inbox on Facebook, see who you're retweeting, old comments on Instagram, pockets, and even your drawers where you keep condoms and your underwear. To me, there's a difference between being a snooper and a person who is insecure with no real given suspicion nor rational motives.

"But if you in a relationship right and you have snooped, like myself..." (young lady in the far left corner)

If you my dear, and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off, are in a committed relationship and you have to snoop...there's no REASON for you to be in that relationship. Sure, you might get that gut feeling telling you to go through his stuff and that's cool because that shows that you care enough about your sanity but in the same light, no one wants to be the crazy one and there is NO woman walking this Earth that wants to be made out to be the "crazy GF,"just as simple as that. Not all those who snoop are crazy or insecure, let me just state that now. When you know/feel there is a reason behind your suspicion which isn't based off of insecurities, you go through with your search.

You know why people snoop? Because they know deep down inside they aren't crazy. And no, I don't mean crazy like; letting your man rip that dress you had planned on returning to the store the next day because ya'll were in the heat of the moment or crazy like letting some dude step on those new sneakers and he look back at you and you don't say anything to him when he CLEARLY knows what he did...I'm talking bat sh*t crazy. Don't lie all the damn time and then expect someone not to go through your sh*t to find the truth, sh*t, that's like dropping money, getting in your car, driving off, and then you realize that it's gone once you get home, but you expected that person to chase after your car to return it...ain't nobody got time fo dat! Many of us like to make our partners out to be the crazy ones because we think that they're naive or oblivious to our weird ass behavior but guess what, we aren't. I for one am not about that, "making you out to be the crazy one" in the relationship because I fear I might get stabbed and if I get stabbed that means I have to go to the hospital, and if I gotta go to the hospital, that means I have to wear that gown with the ass all out and 9/10 I put it on wrong and don't realize it so that means my penis will be out and some nurse...well, you get where I'm going with this. If someone has been with you for years, why wouldn’t you expect for them to notice certain behavioral changes. Snooping is a result of not keeping it 100 with your significant other, period, point, blank!

The number one problem with women is that they snoop without having any ultimatum for their cheating partner. "I knew his ass was no good, I KNEW IT, UGHH!! Glad I caught his dumb ass!" But if you don’t have a consequence such as leaving or an ultimatum, then you’re simply wasting your precious time by snooping because nothing will change. A female will put herself through all kinds of hurt knowing good and damn well she ain't going nowhere! He already know you’re not going to leave, so what does he do,

"Yea...uh-huh, I hear you babe...you right...I'm sorry...Ima do better not just for you, but for US because at the end of the day, at the top, it's just us *pulls forward and kisses*" and then, minutes later, "Go deeper babe, yasssss...I'm bout to cum!!" and you settle for the same BS.

I know I've joked a lot but this is a serious matter but know this: if a woman wants to find out any kinda info, she will do a better search than the damn FBI and CIA, trust! You know why Obama is such a great president, because he caught Bin Laddy (joking of course). Bush wasn't that smart so, once Obama got into office, he was like, "I wonder how ima find this n**** without sending troops over there and getting them possibly killed?!" So, he sent a Twerk Team and if you aren't familiar with what a "twerk team" is I suggest you YouTube "twerk team" to get that answer. Anywho, long story short: he filled them in on what they needed to do, gave them a lil bit of money so they could get some outfits, gave them ample time to practice their routine, flew them to his hideout and BAM...the rest is history. So that whole story about the guys with the guns finding out his whereabouts, that sh*t is false, Obama sent a team of young women over there and why...because women know how to find sh*t, plain and simple. Now, of course I'm joking but seriously, there's never a need to hide anything from your partner and I truthfully mean that. What's done in the dark will eventually come to the light, period.

*class dismissed*

@renaissance_brotha

So I Have This Friend: Messy Mara

Ex: "Hey big head, I wanted to ask your advice on somethin but you have to promise to not judge me, ok?"
Me: "Go for it."
Ex: "Alright, so I've been dealing with this guy for ab..."
Me: "Not the Jamaican dude who drive the Nissan I hope!"
Ex: "No, would you just listen and shut up! This dude I work with. We've been havin sex Ant and its great and all but when I try to ask him about using a condom, its like he KNOW'S I'm about to ask so he'll bring somethin else up. I mean, I've asked him once via text and he said he would but...it just never happened."
Me: "So don't have sex with him, un-TILL..."
Ex: "It's not that easy! He slides inside of me and..."
Me: "And I don't wanna hear the rest, thanks!"
Ex: "(laughs) Sorry, but also, I like this other dude who's in my Childhood Development class in grad school and I don't know how to talk to him without sounding like a hoe, you know. Like, how can I get his attention without eye f***ing all the damn time?! What should I do? Also, do guys look at chicks and say "oh that b**** is bad! Ima go raw in her!" I mean, with us, we did but that's because you had a pocket full of them. I also wanna know why some dudes just don't like using them to begin with!?! Like, y'all not afraid of STDs and what not!?!"
Me: "I am!"
Ex: "Well, answer those and get back to me...make that sh*t into a blog like you do with everything else. Love you big head!"

So I Have This Friend: Messy Mara

Not many men can honestly say that they are cool with any of their ex GFs on a level where the two of them can have conversations for hours without arguing about the past, I'm lucky so to say I'm cool with a couple of mines.

But I digress...

Alright Mara, so your first question was: "how do you talk to a guy without really sounding like hoe?"

Well, because most men are gonna be afraid, or "intimidated" to step to you, the best thing to do since you guys have a class together is to talk to him about something that pertains to the class. Once you've put yourself out there, you will know if he's interested or not, why? Because any guy that's interested will want to continue the conversation then and thereafter. Keep this in mind as well: if you've given him your number and told him that you wouldn't mind if you guys talked on a regular and he doesn't use it...that's a clear indicator that he is NOT that interested in you. Pay attention to his body language as well, he might not say a whole lot, but his body language will usually speak more than him verbally. You mentioned eye contact-yes-eye contact works as long as you don't look like a damn creep doing it! There's a difference between "flirty" eyes and "Kobe Bryant death stare" eyes. Proper eye contact and good conversation is the best way to gauge to see if he's interested.

The next thing you want to know was: "do guys look at certain types of females and determine they're not gonna use a condom with them yada yada?"

Truthfully speaking; a guy should use a condom the first time the two of you guys have sex and thereafter UNTIL you've made it official and have gotten tested if not together then separately and those results SHOULD be shared, honestly speaking. A guy using a condom should be manadtory like him brushing his teeth in the morning and washing his nuts at night! As far as you know, he's a hoe until you really get to know him better which takes a few months (6 or more). My thing is, never assume and always keep your own condoms with you, THIS way, there's no grey area about the topic when it comes up. On the flip side tho...sh*t happens. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, a female/male looks so appealing that using a condom enters your mind and leaves just as fast once the two of you are naked and kissing and touching and rubbing and...ok you get my point. That night of passion and bad decisions usually ends up becoming a morning of regret and awkwardness. Here's what I've learned: the more and more and MORE two people talk, the more they will become opposed to using a condom. If I'm wrong, ask your homegirls and see what they say. What starts off as, "damn babe, just let me slip the tip in," turns into, "WOOO, that was somethin else...you wanna order pizza?" All in all though, just strap up, simple as that.

Lastly, to answer your next question: condoms, for some, just get in the way and by using one, you lose all the feeling. I've slipped up, I won't lie but there's no reason why any man walking this Earth should be a habitual "non-rubber-brotha". Those who don't like using condoms, obviously don't like their life altogether! Trojan's Ecstasy brand is probably one of the BEST condoms on the market! If he wants to enjoy the feeling of "not having anything on," I say get him that. Now of course it doesn't compare to the actual "real deal" but it'll be worth it in the long run. If he says, "condom? I ain't got time for that!" then you should rebuttal with, "sex!? With you? I ain't got time for that!" It's your vagina at the end of the day and if he doesn't respect it, 7/10 he won't respect you.

Now in closing, I hope this was helpful for you and if have anymore questions, comments, and it concerns...hit me up.

@renaissance_brotha.