W.E.T.

...but what that mouth do!?
- anonymous

I'm not sure who the first person was to ask this but I do know a lady asked me this while standing in line at Chiptole:

Lady: I'm sorry but what cologne are you wearing?
Me: Polo Black
Lady: oh my...well, it smells really great
Me: thank you, I appreciate you saying that
Lady: ok I'm sorry but you have really nice lips

***pause***

So at that point...I totally forgot what I wanted to order! She was pretty but...she had a ring on it (BBM sad face).

***unpause***

Me: really? Thank you...I don't get that often
Lady: they're a nice size though...just wanna know what that mouth do?
Me: *insert nervous laugh* a lot...I guess

She literally had me at a lost for words, so much so that I ordered a damn chicken bowl and forgot to ask them to add a lil more rice and chicken! When you ask someone of the opposite sex, "what that mouth do?" They're usually referencing...

But today I wanna touch on what else, that mouth can do;

Stimulate that motherfu**in mind!

*class is in session*

When we think about sex, we think about...

• sex in the shower
• sex in the kitchen
• sex in the living room
• sex in kids bedroom (ok, not on the bed...maybe near the toy chest...just an idea)
• sex in the car
• sex in the bathroom, at that restaurant where the waitress is always a bi*** because ya'll take too long to decide what you want
• sex...ok, you get the point.

And while this is cool,

we often forget that, even before intercourse can happen, one must be stimulated mentally. Yes folks, stimulating the mind can open doors that "penis/vagina key" can not!

I feel when you stimulate your partner, first mentally, the possibility of your physical needs and wants have a greater chance of being met. The idea is to be able to paint a picture for the mind of; WHAT you wanna do and HOW you're gonna do it and once that happens, sex has the tendency to be that much greater!

I get the whole, "having a physical attraction to somebody is important and blah blah blah," but when you think about our ability to even get in the mood, all I wanna know is...what that mind do!?

...You know what it's like to be aroused by a woman who knows the difference between: they're, their, and there!? It's on the same level as seeing your food come out at the restaurant. There's nothing more sexier than a woman who can hold an intelligent convo and challenge my mind! Now when I think about that in terms of sex, once you turn a person of mentally, unless it's your duty to please that booty, trying to have good sex with that person will be like watching paint dry!

I'm sorry fellas but if you think that just because you're good looking and the penis you're slinging will keep a woman interested; think again my friend! There are men out there who are handsome, have an amazing personality, humorous, are "packing," and...

*drum roll*

can keep a woman's mind stimulate without laying a single finger on/in her!

The great thing about mental stimulation is that it doesn't just happen in the bedroom because, I mean, you know, talkin dirty does makes the pus** wetter fellas (just tossing that out there). It can happen at school, church, the dentist office, a funeral, at work, when you send him/her a text,

"Hope you're day is going well...but when I see you ima f*** the soul outta you, ok?" Have a great day babe!"

orsomething else along those lines but the point I'm making is that you don't have to rely on JUST physical activity to get your partner aroused. I know you're thinking foreplay before sex is the sure fire way to get her panties moist but there are so many other ways you can achieve getting her in the mood;

Say it with me: women (hand clap) love (hand clap) to talk (hand clap, hand clap)! Yes, you got it! A man who engages a woman in conversation has already beat out the dude who is begging her to come "chill". Ask her out to coffee or hell, even the park just to talk and I promise you she will go back to her friends and rant and rave about you. Ask about what motivates her, what her interests are, her dreams, I mean, don't make it sound like an interview but the idea is to pick apart her brain and really get to know how she thinks and find out what she has a passion for. If you're concerned with just trying to f*** then I'm sorry sir but this piece isn't for you. Don't he afraid to share your interest and dreams as well...women find that sh** attractive bruh. Make eye contact- but don't eye fu** her. Pay attention to her body language. Even when you're texting, stay away from asking her question after question and making vague statements:

Him: wyd
Her: nothin watchin tv, you?
Him: same
Her: oh ok how was your day?
Him: pretty good, yours?
Her: it was good. Long, but good, just tired

It's convos like this that make women lose interest, real quick! I'm not saying be a First 48 detective but you don't wanna come off as vague either- engage her. Ask her what about her day was good or bad, what does she have planned for tomorrow or the rest of the week, so on and so forth. Yes, the convo of sex will come up at some point but she has to be able to feel comfortable AND trust you to be able to be open with you in that manner! If she likes you, of course she's thought about how would sex be with you, but don't go in for the kill by sending her a d*** pic or,

Her: I would have to say....Fast and Furious
Him: yea, I wasn't a big fan of Fast and Furious but the last one was good...so what you wearing

You're, too, thirsty bro, relaaax. Stop trying to show her that your d*** is on fleek and allow her to find out on her own, for that because if the convo is that good...

It's sexy to a woman when a man knows more about what's going on in the world vs the new Jordans that came out...basic b****es/women care about sh** like that. Who cares if you know that Drake was "runnin thru the 6 wit his woes," when you can't even name the three branches of government- you're just a tool to her. A man who is cultured, who has substance, one who can teach her something! Most of y'all will fake interest just to get the pu***, don't get the pu***, get mad at her for not giving up the pu***, and then try the same sh** on the next female...and it happens all over again- bruh, is you dumb or nah! Good convo is like foreplay- mind fuck her! I'm not saying read a bunch of sh** you don't care about but maybe, idk, talk about something that DOES excite you!

*light bulb*

She just wants someone to challenge her mind and not talk about the latest gossip, foolery, or talk about sports all the time; diversify your mind.

Now, [some] women like dancing. *gasp* If you're dealing with a woman, ditch the whole movie and dinner date and find a spot that plays music and tell her to get sexy, don't take long, and make sure she puts on comfortable shoes- be direct. When I talk about stimulating her mentally, dancing helps that as well, how? Her seeing you move with rhythm (or at least trying to) and enjoying yourself, is as big of a surprise as the Kentucky losing in the Final Four this year. Now I'm not saying fondle her while you're dancing because she'll think you're a creep but, trace her body with your hands, look in her eyes every so often, grab her by the waist, spin her, I mean, let your bodies talk so your hands don't have to so much. Unfortunately for me, my mother was a dancer so I was forced to do ballet, tap, and yada yada, so I grew up knowing how to dance and what not but for those who didn't, they had to learn from watching others and practicing. The point I'm making here is that women tend to associate dancing, with sex...and that's all ima say about that!

Now, a huge and I mean HUGE turn off for women is a man's inability to take the lead! "Idk babe, it's whatever you wanna do," will leave your penis inside your boxers and text messages unanswered. "How about you come over to chill," will have her lying to you on some, "ok boo, I'm on my way," when she really either went to sleep or continued to watch tv or she went out with her friends/another dude. Tell her you made plans and that you're coming to get her or for her to meet you somewhere if you don't drive (like me). Tell her what's on your mind. If you do tell her to come over and chill...make sure those are your only intentions!

(I mean, if she hops on you wanting the D...that's on you, I mean, I can tell you that she'll find it sexy if you turn her down, but what do I know)

The point is: she wants a man with a plan and action and not a lil ass boy, with hard di** looking for satisfaction. Don't be cocky, but be confident in all that you do and say. Be a leader. Have a backbone. Be clear and concise! If you say to her,

"When you get home after work, meet me at the lil Mediterranean joint in the city and don't be late and don't wear panties and bring sneakers and have bail money on standby just in case."

The moral here fellas is that, if you've gotten her thinking about what you plan on doing, that right there can be just, if not more pleasurable than the activity itself. Now, if you want her limbs to stretch long and wide, you might wanna tap into her mental first. Don't just be eye candy- be soul food. Don't just provide her food for nourishment- be food for thought, for her hungry mind. Strength is demonstrated in your ability to tell her no; so if she's rushing you to have sex...tell her no and stand by it! If you can find pleasure in watching her take off her clothes, find pleasure watching her undress her insecurities, while you kiss the flaws she's been afraid to expose to the world. Sure, you wanna eat the booty like groceries, we get it, we get it...but how about mind fuc**** her so good that penis is the last thing on her mind when it comes to you. She can't learn sh** from no dumbaas- dumbass! Stop being so caught on lust and thirst and try substituting those two for genuine interest and patience. "It's so dope when the lust is mutual," is another basic ass social media quote for basic ass people who get lusted after and then get mad when the other person only wanted them for sex- STICK WITH INTEREST! If she gives you the time if the day, if she allows you to take her on dates, if she devotes her time to you...be real, be honest, be genuine, be engaging, but more importantly- be you. If you listen...she will cum. Intelligence is sexiest on a man who actually knows how to hold a convo and I mean, I ain't the best looking man but I do have great teeth and I can talk a woman's head off or I can listen to her talk my head off till she goes to sleep. You know how corny it is for her body to be with you but her mind somewhere else? Bruh! I talk to ya'll like this because it's time we regain our position in the world and stop doing f*** sh**! Sex ain't going nowhere and if your concern is about quaintly and not quality then...I don't know what to tell you my friend, well, I do, but, that's a different blog.

Be food for thought, for a hungry mind and I guarantee you that if you seduce that mind...the body will follow but warning, entirely tempting...is her love below.

*class dismissed*

@renaissance_brotha_

S.I.N.G.L.E.

Me: being single is cool, like, I don't have to worry abo...
Friend: like what?
Me: cheating, the difference between being loyal and being faithful, ordering extra food because I know 1 in 3 women are greedy and will reach over to your plate and grab some of what you're eating, hair care products..
Friend: really Anthony...hair care products tho
Me: yup, I have a fear of my hair LeBron'ing
Friend: but I mean, do...
Me: don't get me wrong, I love having someone and building and all that but times have changed. the landscape of dating has changed soo much you know
Friend: you're picky...that's what that is
Me: nah b, I have standards, like, I told you this, my d*** has standards!
Friend: or maybe you're a d***, WITH standards
Me: you could be right...

Times, have changed. The way we date/court, have changed. Our perspective on relationships and marriages have changed...and not so much for the better. I guess, when you have "your sh*t together" and you're single, it tends to raise eyebrows especially since nowadays everybody is so guarded against any and every thing that may or may not happen or their "fall back game" is too strong.

For me, I get looked at funny or it's always some melo dramatic ass question-based-statement with a backhanded compliment that follows when I state that I'm single,

"omg, seriously, you're single? why!? you seem like the perfect catch, well, not perfect because you're short but you're handsome, but you get what I'm tryna say."

And because answering sarcastically usually renders THIS, as a response

So, being the gentleman that I am, I usually answer,

"Yup, I'm single, like a dollar bill in a stripper's ass!"

But seriously, who knows why I'm single...maybe I didn't forward enough chain letters, maybe it's because I was anti-veggies as a child...all that matters is that I'm completely open to the idea of building with someone who is ready and willing to do just that...

but are you?

*class is in session*

How many times have we settled for that person who showed the most interest at the time but later regretted the decision because he/she turned out like the last one? A lot of hands should be up right about now! We often ignore the red flags deal breakers, and nonnegotiables because those few months are so, blissful! After the "honeymoon" phase is over, all those things we ignored in the beginning start to annoy us more and more as the relationship begins to take shape. Well, I'm here to tell you that; I ain't wit the sh**, because...

I'd rather be single than be with someone who’s only interested in what I can do for them, instead of what we can do for each other...

Nowadays, people only give a f*** about themselves...ok, maybe that's always been the case, but if you're single, you're either:

A) looking for love
B) not interested (working on you...blah blah blah)
C) guarded because you've been hurt
D) still caught up over your ex
E) entertaining someone until someone better comes along/filling a void

...or maybe none of those apply to you but whatever your situation is: stay the f*** away from me if you're only interested in what I can bring to the table and/or what I already have at the table! It's cool to want somebody because they look good or like someone because they have money/own car/crib but what else interests you? That whole, "a bond is better than a title," bullsh** is aight but what good is forming a bond, if we aren't building into something greater? If we aren't building a friendship foundation that transitions into a relationship- I'm not interested. I'm not saying we have to be the best of friends because we'll develop into besties as the relationships progresses but man, I mean, at least let us be able to have some sort of connection first! Let's build, let's learn from each other/about each, let's form a real connection; f*** the, "we do take great pics together," or "my ex is playing games at the moment so let me entertain you till they get it together," type sh**! F*** do I care about getting into a meaningless ass relationship with you, if you're not about progression? I can give you the sun, moon, stars, and orgasms but, if you're more concerned with dinner dates that you can post on Instagram or trips where you can pop bottles, gifts, and turnin up, well...

I’d rather be single than settle down with someone who I couldn't see myself being faithful to...

On paper, they might sound like a good catch but the moment it's an one on one interaction...the energy...the vibe, just ain't there. Monogamy isn't natural. I feel people say and use that as an excuse to be unfaithful to people that they had no plans on being faithful to. I do feel however, when it comes to relationships:

• communication is key
• sex is a stress reliever
• trust is the foundation
• honesty is the glue

With that being said: if you know you're a person that likes to have sex with this one on Monday, your ex on Tuesday, a random on Thursday, or you're emotionally not over your ex or you're in no position to entertain someone (at the moment)- remain single. Temptation, is, a, motherf***a...I get it, but karma is a completely different motherf***a who you will have to deal with in some damn way, shape, or form! If you have to question yourself about whether or not being faithful is something you can commitment to being- don't put yourself in the situation. I don't wanna hear, "it's easier said than done," because that's nothing more than a phrase you've conditioned yourself into believing! I know the following is dumb but it is also rhetorical but: why would you wanna cheat on someone who you knew from jump, you didn't wanna be with...when you could literally, and I mean LITERALLY, have sex with damn near anybody you wanted to...while single...

I’d rather be single than get into a relationship that doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell, developing into something serious...

I'm not interested in wasting my TIME because it's too valuable. I'm not interested in wasting my ENERGY because I'm quite sure someone else will be more deserving and appreciate it. More importantly, I'm not about wasting my AFFECTION, on someone who shows me they're not even interested because if I fall for you and you do some corny s***...I'm getting you fired from your job and I'm hiring a homeless man to follow you every damn where you go who sings jingles; try me! I don't care how incredibly attractive you are or how solid your sex resume is because that does little for US in the long run! Let me know if you want a friends with benefits type relationship. Let me know if you just want someone who you can talk to and kick it with. Let (hand clap) me (hand clap) know (hand clap, hand clap)! Ice cream sounds good on a hot summer's day right? Well so does a relationship, for the hopeless romantic and for those who don't care sh*t about romance and just want a nut- it sounds like a burden. All I'm saying is: give me a say in the matter and don't lead me on and have me thinking one thing, when it's completely the opposite. At some point, all that fake interest is only gonna get you hurt in the long run (mentally and possibly physically) and I ain't got the time, energy, nor affection for the fake ssh**- that's the real TEA!

I’d rather be single than get serious with someone who lacks qualities like drive, ambition and compassion...

I just can't see myself building with someone who doesn't see more for themselves. At least Martin had a dream, some of y'all only have "get rich quick schemes" or you're waiting on your parents to die, so you can collect that life insurance money or you're waiting around for your dream career to knock at that damn door so you can be like...

...and ain't nobody got time for that biiihhhhh! I need to know that if you lost everything you had right now, do you have it in you to get it all back!? Now, of course if we're together, I'm gonna be there for you, but I wanna know do YOU, have it in you! I want someone who is attractive- I need someone who compliments me...and when I say "compliment, I don't mean someone that tells me I look good in a red cardigan because I know that already. I want someone who knows what it means to hustle- I need someone who has drive to get it by any means. Confidence is great, but ambition speaks from the very depth of who you are! Are you headed in the right direction? Do you have understanding of self...understanding of who I am...what we could be? Do you trust me to be the person I say I am/show you to be, hell, do you trust yourself? Are you willing to communicate your wants, needs, concerns, through all the ups and downs? Are you willing to be honest to not only me but to yourself? Well, if you find those things difficult, then I'm not the one for you.

I rather be single than deal with someone who isn't fully over their ex...

I know and you know that you aren't fully over your ex, I mean,


f**k outta here wit that bs! But seriously tho, if you still have any feelings left for your ex, then you and I can't be. How can you entertain a potential future with me, while you're ex is still very present? You're looking for me to help mend your broken heart but you're allowing this guy over here play battle ship with the pieces? In a way, now that I think about it...if you're fu**ing around with your ex and you fu**ing around with me...I mean, by default, I'm...I'm the side (BBM shocked face)! Now, I can pretend that I won't be hurt if you decided to let him eat your booty like groceries but even Maury knows what time it is...


I can take you to Paris, buy you diamonds, massage you from head to toe every other night, take you to see Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill in concert, I mean, hell, we can even role play and dress up like them and if you want...you can get your friend with the big breast and chubby stomach to dress up as Nicki's ex...ok, nevermind...

I can cook for you, d*** you down on reg, hell, I can even eat your booty like groceries, but if you're still involved with your ex, and I mean even in the slightest fashion...that's a game I won't even win, sh**, won't even place in. How can I have your heart, when ol boy still has the key to it?

Let that marinate...

I would love to wake up next to my queen every single day, for the rest of my life and tell her how her breath smells like police corruption and billy goat sh**. I want love. I want someone to call my own, just like I'm sure many of you want as well but these situationships, textships, and having a fallback game soooo strong isn't healthy...I don't care what you tell me- it ain't healthy! Do you really see yourself waking up to the smell of our cat's sh** coming from the bathroom? Do you really see yourself having brunch, every single Sunday after church by yourself? If you're not ready to commit to be in a relationship, don't waste anyone's time and definitely don't lead someone on because more than likely the end result won't end well. Get yourself together before you even consider having someone come into your life. Also, stop looking at what someone else is offering and make sure you can offer what it is that you're looking for and then some! F*** does it matter if that person can give you loyalty when you can't respect him/her. F*** does it matter if they're gonna be faithful while you're out and about cheating. F*** does it matter if they can see a future with you and you're still in the past, trying to piece together a relationship that went wrong. Remain, single, until, you're, completely, ready, to, invest! I mean,

sh**, I'm not gettin laid either!

Before I forget...

red flags...sh*t that makes your eyebrows raise, but you often times ignore
- example: when you ask a question, he/she usually answers "some" of it and says something like, "it don't mater babe, that was a long time ago..." and that sh*t matters like cops killing unarmed Black men!

dealbreakers...something you tend to bend on, but you know it aint/wont be cool later down the line.
- example: showing up late to dates...constantly.

nonnegotiables...sh** that ain't cool, and should be checked when it happens
- example: smoking...not weed, but cigs.


*class dismissed*

any comments, questions, concerns you may have...leave below or shoot me an email: brotharenaissance@gmail.com

@renaissance_brotha_

I'm Sorry But...You're Marrying The Wrong Guy

Now, it's rare that I touch on matters of the heart when it comes to us (men) and how we tend to deal with heartache and anything else associated with it. It's one of those things that we try not to talk about, for we fear how we'll be perceived by others; so fu** it- we keep our feelings/emotions ourselves. I'm not sure how many men will openly admit to this, but I know the following statement is something I can personally identify with: it's hard living with the fact, that the woman you saw yourself spending the rest of your life with...has moved on to spend her life with someone else.

*gasp*

I've dealt with it. It's not hard to admit now, but before that wasn't the case. It's a surreal feeling:

one minute you're planning out the day you wanna propose and how that's gonna look, who you wanna invite to the baby shower, living arrangements, sex hours once she's prego (not in that order), and the next min...you find yourself trying to piece your life back together.

You ever feel like the last person took every single bit of you: mentally and emotionally? Well, imagine doing that while in a relationship. "You don't know what you got till its gone," is what they say but what happens if you knew exactly what you had, but you didn't know how to hold on to it? You don't have your sh** together. You're still dealing with baggage from the last relationship. You struggle with insecurities and sometimes those insecurities run so deep within you, that you begin to question why the person is even with you! Each and everyone one of us deals with something that can potentially hinder us from moving forward.

We as men might not never, ever outwardly admit it, but there's that one woman who we feel is/was the ONE for us, who got away for whatever reason. Sh** happens. Life happens. And sometimes s*** happens in life, that can either makes us or breaks us! I've learned that in order for life to make us better, we have to break:

• break away from bad habits/old ways

• break down emotional and mentally (yes, crying cleanses the soul)

• break away from those with bad intentions or who seek to hinder our progression

So, in order for life to "make us better," we must first be broken down and rebuild from the breakage!

All of what you're about to read is 110% authentic and true from the heart. If it feels like I'm taking directly to you, I am. Read this piece as if you and I are having a one on one convo. Read this piece with an open heart and mind. For all the men who can identify with losing that "one"- this is for you. To all the ladies- enjoy. To the ex, who has moved on and is happy, I'm sorry but

...you're marrying the wrong guy.

*class is in session*

I know you're reading this. I know that because I know you. I've had a lot of time to myself since the break up. I mean, it's been years and I've tried to move on but for some reason I couldn't because every single thing reminded me of you! We've had a few convos but eh. The reason why I couldn't move on is because I never was honest with myself about why we broke up. I was a di**. I'm not saying I was a complete d*** the entire time we were together but as the roller coaster stopped peaking, I became a different man. That night I came to you on your birthday ,the year you were set to move- I meant every word. See, I thought...well, never mind, here's the truth:

WHAT I THOUGHT WAS...

(N)ope..."my pride won't let me admit as a man that I f**ked up. I'm sure I'll regret this one day but right now, RIGHT NOW!? I can't admit that I'm hurt because you're deciding to finally leave..."

THE HARSH REALITY...

As a man, we think and/or say that to ourselves or to our partner once the relationship is coming to an end. All those times we put pride over you and not fully understanding the impact it will have on the relationship over a period of time- will f*** us up something serious. When you would call/text? My pride declined/ignored. You wanted to talk face to face? I'm prideful, I'm nonchalant, I'm dismissive, or sarcastic to the point nothing gets resolved. "Babe, maybe we should go see somebody about us..." But I think we should f*** and get over it. All those times when I should've said sorry or you're right, or apologized? Eh, instead it was,

"f*** you! Ok... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, just- you just make me so angry that I can't control my anger!"

Now all those times have led us here; me here and you there...with someone else. All those times I said,

"If you don't like the way I act or treat you, why you with me, huh?! Because I'm not holding you hostage you know, you can always find someone else!"

Those words...I meant them within the moment but not overall. One can only be hurt but so much and I guess you knew something I didn't. All those damn arguments and where did it get us, huh? Well, you knew. You knew and you gave me chance after chance to correct myself, not for the betterment of myself, but for the betterment of us. Thing about it is...I loved my pride a little more than you and ironically, that same pride is what destroyed us. 

WHAT I KNOW NOW...

Pride kills and hinders, so kill the pride or you'll hinder your heart and the person you give it to. 

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID...

(Y)ou.. "wanna talk every single time there's an issue and I just don't feel it's important to discuss the little sh**! I been working on things you say you have a problem with but I swear you don't do the same sh*t! STOP WIT THE F***IN BIT**IN AND GET YA SH** TOGETHER OR IM OUT!"

HARSH REALITY

I found it hard to talk to you. Nothing you did honestly, just, I held onto a lot of what I say my parents go thru growing up. Now, I won't make excuses or give you some bullsh** ass justification- we as men just suck when it comes to things like that. Those first couple of years of the relationship are tough grounds when it comes to communicating our issues. For women, it's second nature. How can I admit that I'm wrong or I've mistreated you as a man, without looking/sounding like a bi***? That's my truth. I rationalized as: if I admit that I'm wrong, if I express how I really feel...I'm gonna come across like I'm soft! Once again, that last sentence is a clear example of me having too much pride! Learning how to communicate when there's a problem starts at home when you're young. For some of us, we were never taught to express ourselves especially as boys. Your father didn't wanna hear that crying s***!

"Man up! Stop with that crying, you sound like a little girl!"

If we've experienced getting cut off while we're trying to express ourselves- we shut down. When the convo goes from: inside voice to outside voice- we tune you out. If these things (and more) continuously happen, we'll become uncomfortable and shut down or react in an irrational manner. When it comes to insecurities, those can stem from: a past friendship/relationship, the loss of a parent, not having a parent around, or maybe it's a generational curse.

"I don't know how to communicate to you because my mother/father didn't do that with me," lies true with a lot men.

My pops didn't (verbally) communicate to me...he whipped my ass. My mother did her best but she died right before I could actually learn something of value from her and my step moms did her best but...bless her heart. Life's experiences taught me how to better communicate.

There were times I would come to you and say, "I don't like it when you do this or that," or "I hate it that you accuse me of yada yada and it's not even true," and you would turn around and say, "ok babe, I'll work on it." And you did work on it but...I was blind to the fact that you were making an attempt to change for the betterment of us because all I would do is bring up old sh** and make it relevant again. So, like a d***, I would continuously point out the little sh** and make it bigger than it really was. You wanted for me to acknowledge the fact that you're taking steps to make things right and all I did was find a way to discredit you. How can one see the good in a person, when you don't see the good they do? Read that one more time. You changed for us, but I changed us...for the worse. 

WHAT I KNOW NOW... 

Communication is key. Too many times we as men use the excuse of "not being good at communicating our feelings," but are quick to communicate when we want sex- funny how that works. Knowing how to communicate effectively, cuts down on misunderstandings and mistreatment within the relationship. I should've came to you more to ease the tension amongst us. I should've expressed, how I felt all those times you cried about me not understanding the strain I was putting on the relationship. I should've talked more...

WHAT I'VE SAID

(L)ove... "you? How can you think I don't love you, sh** I love you more than I love my damn self! I f*** up, I can admit that but don't say I don't love you because I do..."

We as men will play these games and get to the end of playing them to only realize we were losing all along.

I took your love for granted- "nah, she ain't goin nowhere bro, I got this!"

I manipulated you- "If you don't like the things I say or do then why you with me to begin with! You think someone is gonna put up with that kid sh** you do?!"

...but what I really meant was,

"if you don't like what I say or do then leave because I'm not about to kiss your ass but if you do leave then ima make you feel bad about that sh** every second, minute, hour, day you're away!"

I alienated you within the relationship- "ok, you lettin me stay with you and I appreciate that but I don't feel the need to talk to you all the damn time! We been together how long now...what else is there to talk about if you text me all day! Sh** is annoying...I'll talk to you when I feel like it."

I threatened to leave. I disrespected you. But through all that, I had the audacity to turn around and say, "I love you." You grew tired of that sh**, like most women do but you stayed because you didn't know what else was out there for you because all you knew was me...

till you left.

I knew how much you loved me and how much it hurt to see me begging for that chance but you needed to do something for you, for once.

There...there were times who you cried yourself to sleep and me wrapping my arm around you just didn't work. Who cares that I cooked for you, when the night before I put you through hell! I never did or said anything to maliciously hurt you, I hope you understand. 

THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS...

(E)ternally...I'm grateful because you've helped me become a better man...

We all have that "one" that we see ourselves settling down with. We are gonna make mistakes, I guess that's in the nature of being a man. I thought the love you had for a person ended when you no longer had that person but...I was wrong. I wasn't honest with myself because for the longest time, I never let go of my mother promising to love me forever and never leaving so much so I placed those burdens on our relationship. I always thought you would leave me like she did so I pushed because who wants to feel that hurt again?. You may never love me the same and I'm fine with that. I know you're happy...my soul is at ease, finally, because I know you're happy. I just wanted that one chance, one opportunity to show you I had my sh** together and I was the man you needed but, it was too late. I lost everything when I lost you; literally and figuratively speaking and it was my own doing. As as you're happy, I'm good. The Bible says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord," so I guess the guy who decides to marry you, obtains that favor. I'm not even sure if you're still with the same guy but all I do know is...you're marrying the wrong man and nothing will ever change that feeling. We as men might not never admit that we can see ourselves with just one, starting a family with just one, getting down on one knee for just one, spending the rest of our lives with just one...but I can...I have. For all those times you cried and I didn't care. For all those times you wanted me to listen, that I didn't hear. For all those times you put you before we and I put pride in the middle of that. For all those times you were right, and I wasn't. For all those times you held on to us and I let ago...I'm sorry. The last thing you said to me was,

"I...I'm not in love with you anymore,"

But I knew that before that night.

A Different World Wedding

@renaissance_brotha_

Maintaining The Romance

I used to think romance was important as a teenage; some flowers, a crappy "I love you" poem", some candy, and dinner & a movie and that was it…funny how times change. You get older and realize just how much that plays a part in your relationship and well into your marriage. Sure, taking your significant other out for dinner and a movie is cool…but that can't be the only thing! Nowadays, it's not about being predictable- it's about being creative. It's not about cliche- it's about putting some effort into whatever it is you're doing for that person. I will admit; we as men will do all this romantic and kind sh*t in the beginning and once we get you…that's it.

Well, I'm glad that a good friend of mine hit me up to tackle just that very problem: the lack of romance amongst the sexes. Not only do women feel that men have strayed away from being romantic, but men feel the same as well (crazy, I know). If you feel that you're alone in the struggle to maintain the romance, think again. Below you will find ways of how to maintain the romance within your relationship/marriage from a woman's perspective, as well as a man's. The guest writer here on A Better Breed Of Man goes by the name of MzCottonCandyKiz (all her material can be found here: MzCottonCandyKiz) and you can also follow her on Instagram (@epiccandiz).

Please take note: anything you notice in the red, is what she's saying and anything in the black, is voiced by myself.

*class is in session*

MzCottonCandyKiz: For me, romance is about creating epic and memorable moments that are long lasting! Now, contrary to the thoughts of the “new” females, the true ladies (such as myself) still very much believe in romance. Unfortunately though, it seems that males where more romantic in their teenage years and then once again, in their 40s: so what happens to all of those years in between (20-39), I mean, do the men just stop...being romantic?

Renaissance Brotha: No, men don't just stop being romantic, ma'am! You mean to tell me that between the ages of 20-40 (20-damn-years) men aren't being romantic? Ludicrous! YES, [some] men DO struggle with the idea of being romantic, but then you have plenty others who are making sure to maintain the romance within their relationship/marriage. In my opinion; romance is about being inventive...being spontaneous! And while you feel that men aren't that romantic, my dear, [some] women aren't stepping up to the plate themselves.

MCCK: Okay, okay you're right, but romance for a woman is the act of her significant other going above and beyond to please her and by please her- I don’t mean just physically either!

Babe give me more than the usual!!! (In my Trey Songz voice).

RB: EXACTLY! Romance is about going above and beyond for your partner and making sure they're happy at the expense of doing something nice, just because. If y'all think y'all the only ones who wanna be romanced- think again.

MCCK: I see what you're saying but how about putting some REAL thought and effort into making us smile fellas! This isn’t just any kind of smile; this smile has a glow to it. Her eyes become glassy and she drifts off into another place just for a minute. It's the kinda smile, that makes her tell all her friends how great you are. This smile...makes her have a great day at work no matter what's been going on.

RB: I wanna be the reason you smile (50 Cent voice)

If smiling is your concern, then you have to set the standard ladies! If being romanced is something you enjoy, then make sure that blueprint is laid from jump. We wanna make you happy, we wanna make you smile, I mean, what man wouldn't want that for his lady! In my opinion, it's all about equal treatment in your relationship/marriage not, "babe take me here because it's romantic, babe do this because it's romantic." Plain and simple: romance should be a two-way street.

MCCK: I agree and romance can/should be expressed in many different ways! Romance is going to a new restaurant and saving some so she can taste how great the food was.

RB: Romance for us is about setting the MOOD (because it's not just about the food, it's the mood that helps to set a romantic scene). Instead of going out for dinner, maybe you can shoot him a text,

"hey honey, I wanted to cook dinner tonight, would you like anything special!? Oh, and pick up some flowers on your way home please."

You're direct and to the point! Just making dinner and sitting in front of a TV gets boring, so, spice that s*** up! You dress up, have some music on, candles lit, bottle of wine chilled...after a long day who wouldn't like that kinda treatment (but not all the time). It's not just the act of cooking dinner, it's what comes along with dinner that we find romantical (not a word but you get my point).

MCCK: Romance is getting her flowers but getting them in her favorite color. Or maybe getting a single rose and putting it on the bed, while she’s in the shower just because before you head out. Sending her flowers to her job is also a nice romantic gesture and I mean come on now, what woman wouldn't want a nice bouquet of flowers and or some Edible Arrangements!

RB: Getting flowers or some Edibles from your man...while at work or just because and it's not a day of significance and they're your favorite color…?

I get it, I get it! Some men don't understand the importance of flowers but I do; they help to lively up the soul and all that's around you. On the flip side of that ladies, how about treating you man to game or a concert! Men (hand clap) like (hand clap) that (hand clap) sh** (hand clap)! Some of you reading this could give a f*** about Carmelo Anthony going against LeBron James or going to a football game or going to see his favorite artist, but we as men love to do sh** like that! Same way ya'll was doing all types of crazy sh*t to see On The Run, we enjoy being live in person. Surprise him with some tickets to a game or a show because at the end of the day, not only does it show that you care about him but you care enough to show interest in what he enjoys.

MCCK: Romance is making dinner and having it ready when she gets home from a hard day of work.

RB: I agree 110%! After a long day of work and/or class and/or having to deal with a child, who wants to come home to have to clean AND cook…

Hell, cooking dinner isn't an issue but to that, I say this- can we get a date thooooo! You might be suckin ya teeth right now like, "what is this fool talking about!?" but I'm serious; take your man on a date and PAY FOR IT! Pick the place, make the reservations, make sure you tell him to get dressed accordingly, and when it's time to place the order, ask him what he wants to eat and when the waitress/waiter comes over to take the order, YOU speak! Not only does it show initiative but that sh*t is sexy as f***! Hell, even feed him the dessert and when you get home you feed him you!

MCCK: And some women do that already but can ya'll put a little more thought into the regular ol' "dinner and a movie" kinda date because that's something I can do with my girls! Instead of the usual, find a Groupon or look online get some great date night ideas at a great price; we don't have to spend a bunch of money to enjoy a night out on the town, just as long as we're spending the time together! Sometimes we wanna hear, “hey babe, tonight let’s do something a little different. Put on those jeans I love to see you in, you know...the ones that make your ass stick out and don't take too long because we're going to paint some pottery.”

RB: And that's a great idea outside of the usual "dinner and a movie" because then it forces us to put some actual thought into the date. An act of romance for us tho- showing you appreciate us. Sex is cool, hell, a watch is nice but how about writing an actual letter and...*wait for it*...actually mailing it to him! F*** a text, f*** an email, f*** posting your "love and appreciate" for him on some social networking site: sit your ass down, write out how you feel and what you appreciate most about him. It's thoughtful and it's genuine. It's SHOWS that you care because sometimes...words convey a better message that actions can't.

MCCK: Romance is waiting until she gets out the shower and as she's drying off, you grab the lotion and rub her body down. This isn’t to lead to sex or anything, but just a genuine rub down.

RB: This is something I agree with wholeheartedly because we too, enjoy a good rub down. After the gym- sure. After a long day at work- you bet ya. Beating the guy's ass who was a little too friendly at the restaurant- rub daddy down! All jokes aside tho, I think it's something that both parties can enjoy because there's nothing like a good body rub...caressing all those areas the sun misses...sensually...taking your time...sh** like that is pleasurable. Massage the stress away ladies and gents!

MCCK: Romance is giving her the hoodie that you normally wear that smells like that cologne she loves.

RB: Smelling him when he is not around; cute but if you thought I wouldn't mention sex in this blog...guess again. I know what you're thinking ladies,

"all you gotta do is: play with his thing till it gets hard, suck on it, then get on top and ride him, say some nasty stuff, and then he cums and that's it!"

WRONG!

...to an extent at least. Any woman can do those things but what separates YOU from the others is HOW you do it! Sure, men like the simplicity of oral, followed by intercourse, but [some] of us men enjoy a good build up every now and then; please AND entertain us! Get some lingerie, put on some music, light some candles, steal one of his shirts and put on some heels and earrings, and then...do a dance for him! You dislike that he's goes to the strip club? Be his stripper! You, put, that, p****, on, him! So many of y'all ladies listened to Destiny's Child "Cater 2 U" and didn't cater! Sex and romance are linked because of the connection it builds between the both of you; get closer, creative, and captivate!

*****

Romance is all about doing something nice because you care about the person, not because you feel forced to. No woman should have to force her man to take her out, but also shouldn't rely on the man to be the only one who has to bare the burden of the romance within the relationship/marriage. The idea is to be spontaneous; the element of surprise goes a long way! If she enjoys receiving flowers- send her ass flowers. She enjoys candlelight- eat breakfast by candlelight. Do something SHE enjoys! The idea is to keep the fire burning so you will never ever have to worry about the next man (or woman) doing so! Affection, attention, and some consideration is all she really wants, believe me, but learn when to and when not to. Too much romance and then you create a monster. Too little and you now you have a partner with one foot in and the other one out. Unsure of when to be romantic; take the "odd day/even day" approach: you take odd days and she takes the even days and two even/odd days out of the month, you have to come up with something romantic for the both of ya'll to do. Sounds cheesy, but I guarantee you it will keep things thriving. Don't be afraid to be cheesy but also make sure EFFORT and THOUGHT goes into whatever it is you come up with! Maintain the romance in your love life fellas or…I will some other man (or woman) will. Maintain the romance in your love life ladies…or some other woman (or man) will.

@renaissance_brotha_

Friends With Benefits: An Ugly Truth

Who gives a f*** about commitment! Yup, I said it: who gives a f***, about, com-mit-ment!

Ok I'm joking.

But what ISN'T a joke, is something that's been sweeping the nation (no, not Ebola) for years and probably will continue to do so, for many more years to come...

Friends With Benefits!

*class is in session*

Basically, friends with benefits is an individual that you have sex with...when you're horny in the mood, without the commitment. He/she isn't someone you look at as BF/GF material nor is it a best friend because you don't wanna ruin the friendship, by "screwing" around! You don't do the whole "dating" thing because then there's this sense of, "obligation" that comes along with dealing with that individual outside of having sex. There's no accountability, there's no holding fu**ing hands (only when she's about to orgasm), I mean, none of that is on the table, when you're only using that "table", to have sex on. Your concern isn't about who else that person is f***ing; well, maybe it should be if you and that person are having unprotected sex but I would hope you're practicing safe sex! This, person, is, only, called, upon, for, sex; nothing more, nothing less. Read that one more time and then meet me at the second paragraph.

Things are different these days. Men are different. Women are different. The concept of relationships, friendships, marriage, and everything else are just...different. Being a friend with benefits isn't something that can work because 8/10 someone is bound to catch feelings and someone is more than likely gonna get hurt because 8/10 those feelings aren't reciprocated. A man will tell you,

"I'm not tryna f*** with her bro because I know my d*** and because I know my d***, I know she's gonna catch feelings and I ain't got time for that bro! In and out nah mean."

A woman will tell you,

"I require too much attention to be JUST a friend with benefits because that s*** is just too fake. If I like him and he don't like me or vice versa...I'm not tryna end up on Snapped nor do I wanna be all in my feelings about some d***!"

You might laugh at those above scenarios, but they're true! Think about the movie Friends With Benefits with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis: where Justin and Mila both agreed to the terms of being "friends with benefits" and how Mila's character begins to develop feelings for Justin as the movie progresses. Yada yada happens and he's like, "nah, no way, f*** outta here, what you mean, we swore on the Bible app that it would only be about the sex, now you're coming at me like this...I don't understand." Well, eventually he found that understanding and realized...she made a better GF than FWB! But in this day-in-age, things are different. Nowadays, [some] men can't handle a woman who can just have sex with them and not get attached. Nowadays, a man's ego can't handle when a woman says, "that was good...*phew*...so what you about to do?" Nowadays, men can't handle...when the roles are reversed.

I will always and forever be about "male empowerment" and respecting the guy code but certain things make my balls itch! When I see men in skinny jeans/leggings or jeggings/tights or any other tight ass clothing- my balls itch. When men call women sluts/bit**es/hoes/whores/thots for having multiple sexual partners but then brag about being a side dude- my balls itch. When dudes manipulate women to the POINT, of no return and f*** them up and send them back into the world for the rest of us to have to deal with- my balls itch! You hear that fellas:

MY (hand clap) BALLS (hand clap) ITCH (hand clap, hand clap).

A lot of you so called real n****/men/boys/bosses/kings: whether Black, Asian, Latino, White, whatever, are real lame! A woman who is in control of her sexuality is a threat to a man, why? Because she understands who she is as a woman and who she is in the face of society. SOME might care what society thinks of her but a REAL woman will be like, "society don't pay my bills so society can eat peanut butter and jelly out my ass!". The moment she agrees to being your f*** buddy you think, "yes, gotcha bit**! I'm bout to have you doing all the sh** a GF would do and all I gotta do is send some text messages here and there give you the D when you in the mood!" The problem lies is when she agrees to it being strictly physical...and doesn't get attached. She'll take the text messages- but she has a bunch of other dudes doing the same sh** you doing. She doesn't need you to keep her warm at night- she got somebody else for that. You wanna start going back on that agreement of it being only about sex- she got other dudes willing to eat her vagina fresh off the toilet without knowing if she wiped or not! You can't control her like you want to and that grinds yo motherf***in gears!!! 

All the things y'all agreed upon, she adheres to and that f***s you up because you thought the "ball was in your court" to only find out she's not up for playing a game of one on one. She might like ya pics, but that about it/might suck ya d***, but that about it- and deep down inside it gets to you; I get it. Most men can't handle not being in control because it makes them feel like LESS of a man! She can arrange for y'all to have sex and after the deed is done get on some, "well, it was fun, but I'm outta here (deuces)" type shit and that's something MOST men can't phantom! It's common that you hear of a woman who catches feelings and usually breaks it off with a guy because he doesn't feel the same as her but for a woman to do that sh*t is like Kobe averaging assist like Chris Paul; it's unheard of!

I can sit here and say, "oh, I would never catch feelings yada yada yada," and then get the p**** put on me so damn good that I wouldn't know WHAT to do with myself! What you DON'T want is me outside ya damn place; watching you through the window, waiting till you fall asleep! We as men have to realize that we can't/wont be in control of every situation. Some women just like having sex and that's that! I've learned a long time ago that a woman will be demeaned and degraded because of her want/need for sex and nothing more. I hate double standards! Society tells you as a woman, "be free, be independent, be you...but if you're out here f**king multiple men you're a hoe!". That same society turns around and tells us as men, "f*** all the women you want, hell, if you don't wanna use a condom, that's ok too!". Bull AND shit! Men want these FWB and the moment they can't manipulate and mold them to their liking there's a problem. Y'all blockheaded ass goofballs be f***in it up for all the other guys, because y'all want these ladies to feel bad about the SAME sh** y'all want; sex! Friends with benefits will never be a concept that fully works because no matter what gets said/doesn't get said, no matter what gets done/doesn't get done...someone will catch feelings and be left to play the bad guy! Women are capable of catching feelings and side stepping yours...just depends on the breed of woman. If you can't handle the maturity that comes along with FWB...beat ya di** till you find someone to beat it for you!

Any questions, comments, or maybe you're seeking advice or any concerns or even feedback- hit me up @ brotharenaissance@gmail.com

@renaissance_brotha_