Yea, But...You're A Weak Bitch

I often find myself in hot water for conveying my messages the way that I do. Never will I apologize for articulating myself in a manner that makes one uncomfortable, why? Because some sh** just needs to be said. I did an entire piece on the fuckboy epidemic and I had a bunch of people in their feelings. You ever miss the train/bus or maybe a traffic light that would've made you on time for work, by just a few seconds? THAT'S how upset people felt over that piece. *shrugs* Sh** happens. Life happens. In life, sh*t happens for a reason and that piece was written to help women wake up and to also advise men to get their sh** straight. Now, have I succeeded in doing that? Who knows. What I do know that this piece you're about to read...will land me in even more hot water, why? Because some sh**...just needs to be said.

Ladies, please know and understand that I love y'all and what you're about to read isn't meant to degrade, demoralize, belittle, disrespect, or judge you in any way, shape or form. I say that because I know that sometimes hearing the "truth" can be a little hard, but I feel you need to hear this. Your mother/grandmother told you a bunch of bullsh** about men and they struggled to keep your father's/grandfather's ol' rollin stone ass in check. Your best friend tells you all the time to, "f*** love and do you" and she's on your phone crying every other month about a dude, who won't even text her back after having sex with her! You've been doing the same sh*t over and over and been failing because you're a dumbass! You continue to ignore signs that you shouldn't and you're a dumbass for that. You continue to settle with men who don't even deserve you but none of that even matters because you're a dumbass. I'm not here to hug you and tell you that you'll be fine. I'm not here to sugarcoat a, motherf*ckinthing! I'm here to give you the real, from my perspective, whether you like it or not. I'm here to sit yo ass down and help you no longer be...

a weak bitch!

*class is in session*

Many talk about the fuckboy epidemic but fail to mention the weak bitches that enable their behavior. Yup, you read that right; the weak bitches/women/queens/girls/ladies, that enable their behavior. A lot of women are weak and don't even realize it. I don't say that to disrespect you ladies; I say it because there's some truth to it. A lot of you come to class and still don't learn sh**. I can share my perspective on how to first, love yourself and for whatever reason you'll still end up putting Barry's bum ass before self. I get it. No seriously...I get it! You're afraid to change the way you've been thinking because you've been conditioned to think that, any other way of thinking is wrong. You're afraid that, if you put your foot down, and say "nah" to the fuck sh** that you'll forever be lonely. Granny told you to put your foot in your cooking because the way to a man's heart, is through his stomach...you put your foot AND leg and he still ended up at Fiona's table! Ya aunties told you to put a little spit on that di** when you suckin it...you drained his nuts and he still found a chick to drain them, again. Mama told you that if he leaves and comes back, he was always yours...his ass left, came back, left again, fu**** some next chick, came back, showed a little change, left again, manipulated you into believing he was sorry for all the sh** he put you through, left, and came back to only leave again.

"Umm, ok, that doesn't make a woman weak...just means she's in love..."

Ok, so maybe those examples don't necessarily make her weak, but I'm sure the following sure as hell does:

Official While Unofficial:
You're weak because you find joy in taking care of a man that is not yours. When I say, "not yours" I don't mean in the sense of being a side chick...I mean in the sense of a situationship. You fu**, suck, cook for, clean up after, suck and fu** some more, give money to, and every single thing else under the sun for a man who doesn't even claim you! You ask him, "well, what are we?" and he says,





He doesn't give a fu** about you; he gives a fu** about what you can do FOR him! But who cares about a title when your bond is solid as a rock, right? Ha! You're about as delusional as one of them Love & Hip Hop chicks (not you Remy baby). You're not in a committed relationship and you're doing a bunch of girlfriend/wife ish for a dude who isn't YOUR man?! Oh, I forgot, you like community dick! You're asking him all types of questions and he Hotline Bling dances around them. The only thing straight he ever gives you is Henny di**! But who caresssss when you "got a man" who does nothing for you but blows your back out! Who caresssss when you got a man who will let you take off guard pics and post them on the Gram, just as long as you don't show his whole face! Who caresssss if he's not loyal to you or doesn't answer you truthfully. Who caresssss if he's made you look like a complete dumbass countless times! Who, cares, if, he, doesn't, care, just as long as YOU care- that's all that matters, right? Ha! You're weaker than Meek's first response to Drake! He told you that "you're special" and you believed him...so you rewarded him with pussy. He had a long day of not answering your calls/text/snaps/DMs...so you rewarded him with a blow job. You go hard to show him what you bring to the table before he even explains who he is at the door! He treats you better than your last dude, so it must be real- wrong, dumbass! There's no title, no nothing but you're comfortable with being official while unofficial because he gave you a song and dance about how he's not ready for a relationship but was super ready the moment you wanted to ride his face? Ha! You're weaker than crackhead edges! You're weak for a man, who isn't yours boo.

What His Wife/GF Gotta Do Wit Me:
Any and I mean ANY woman who admits and glorifies the fact that she's a side chick is not only weak but a complete and utter dumbass! "It's my life and I do what I want and if being a side chick is what I like...who cares because I don't" was said to me (in not so many words) not too long ago and I didn't know what to say. If you know me, then you KNOW, I usually have something to say about something, but I had no real response but, "if it makes you happy- cool." Nah, not cool. Yes you get dick, dates, trips, gifts, and a bunch of other things but guess what? HIS MAIN CHICK IS GETTIN THE SAME SH*T! You know how stupid you look, bragging about sharing a man?!? "Ok, but so what! HE STILL EATIN MY P**** BITCH! If that's you're man, he wasn't last night (sticks out tongue)." Some of y'all think sh** like that is cool and it isn't in the slightest. He told you he was having problems and needed someone to talk to and BOOM- in comes youi! You're a side chick because there are some things, his wife/GF, just isn't comfortable doing. You're a side chick because him and his wife don't know God together, as a couple. You're putting in all that energy, time, and affection into a man that isn't yours, when you could be doing the same thing for a man that COULD be yours! Spare me the thot quotes. Spare me the social media logic. Spare me the hoeisms. I get it. No seriously...I get it! You feel comfortable in that role because you don't value yourself. You don't love yourself enough. You don't know your worth, yet. You don't understand your worth, yet. You're a weak bitch who is content with a man who will never, ever give you real, unconditional love. You're a weak bitch because you think that you're winning because your special in the eyes of a weak man! *gasp* Yup, his ass is weak and you're weak and together ya'll form a weak ass bond! You think his wife won't check his ass and yo ass if she were to find out? Ha! Bitch, you should open up for Kevin Hart! Let's say that, idk, he leaves her and gets with you: what do you think will happen when ya'll start having problems? Oh that's right...your pussy will remind him that you were there when he needed you most. Ha!

Biggie With The Chances:
You're weak because you give too many damn chances. I'm a firm believer in giving 3 chances:

First one for me
Second one for you
Third one for us

Anything beyond that is excessive and unnecessary. You give a dude chance after chance to f*** you over and he hasn't learned a thing but you don't care because you fear being alone because he's all you know. He comes back to you and promises he will change but it happens for a month or whatever and he's back to his old ways. Change? Sh**, that's like trying to speaking Korean to a Dominican- it just doesn't make sense! Why should HE care when HE knows that you'll take him back if HE cries n'sh**? Men who get chance after chance after chance prey on you weak bitches. These dudes are like white men with rifles hunting deer in the woods and guess whose Bambi's moms? *POW* GOTCHA, bitch! You won't leave him. Even though he's no good and you know you deserve better, you're afraid to start over. You're used to the di** you get on a reg. You're used to his dickhead ways. You're used to the neglect. You're used to the lies. You're used to the cheating. You're used to barely talking about your problems. You're used to the mediocrity and THAT'S a problem! But who cares, right? As long as he doesn't stay away for too long- all is well in your world. You've become quite comfy with being wholeheartedly unhappy but you ain't leaving...no...you're gonna stay with him because anything else would be uncivilized. So what if he's a dick, he's YOUR dick! You will give him all the chances in the world just as long as he promises to treat you like shit right and do good on his promises. Biggie only gave them bitches one more chance...you on the other hand giving Josh's ass twentyleven chances to prove to you that you're weak. His tongue hit that clit and you started crying on the inside and you pushed his head deeper and moaned, "I love you" because at the end of the day...you'll forever love the unhappiness he provides you break-up after break-up.

Man over Self:
Any-f**kin-time you put a man, over yourself, especially one that's clearly treating you like you're sh**- youre weak. You want a man in your life so much that you will continuously allow his ass to dog you out! He knows it. You know it. God knows. Your friends on Facebook know it. Your Instagram followers know it. The waitress at Red Lobster knows it. He got yo ass in check, like a motherf**ka! He fu**s up, ya'll fu**, and you taking his ass to Red Lobster! Who cares if he treats you like sh**, 60% of the time- you got a man! That man will come before your kids...nevermind.

The Kool-Aid Man Theory:
You're weak because you sit at home and complain about men you never interact with. Oh, I get it nooow...you expect a man to burst through your door like the f*ckin Kool-Aid man

Day and night you sit at home and complain on social media how bored you are and how yada yada is this and how blah blah blah is that, but you never do sh** to fix it. Your homegirls go out on dates but you don't. You get invited out but you decline with some bumass excuse and then complain about it later. You watch Instagram couples like @marytooturnt & @gregbeen_a1 turn up on their BaeCation and it makes you feel some type of way. You want that Jay & Bey or that Meek & Nicki or hell, Kanye & Kanye, but guess what? You won't find a man sitting in your damn house night after night, weakened after weekend in your panties and your college t-shirt! As a kid, I deadass drank Kool-Aid and thought the Kool-Aid man would burst through my door, but he never did. I hated drinking it for about two whole days because I felt cheated. Just like me, many of you weak minded ass bitches feel the same; a man will magically burst through your door and make you bae! Well, newsflash: IT (hand clap) WON'T (hand clap) HAPPEN (hand clap, hand clap)! If you center your life around work and or school and or your kids and or church but no time to go out and socialize then how could you complain about being single? My city is filled with dickheads. I don't trust these men. Bitch STFU, you don't trust yourself! You're afraid of commitment! You can wait for God to deliver you a man but his ass won't be delivered in your living room while watching The Walking Dead! You have more excuses than a ni*** going to jail on why you're single and afraid to get up and out and look.

You can give any excuse you want and while it may help you sleep at night, boo boo...it won't help you land a man. You know where you'll find a man? Out-fuckin-side! The mall. The library. Maybe church. A bookstore. A coffee shop. A lounge. Hell, the grocery store! But in order to find a man or have a man find you, you have to go out! But I get it. No seriously...I get it! That takes time and you ain't got time to put in that kinda work. You could slide in someone's DM but because you've been bombarded with dic** picturesin the past, you're not even interested. You could do a dating website but that will make you seem too desperate and desperation is a turn off. You could ask your friend to hook you up with a dude but the dudes, once again, ain't sh** in your city. So where does that leave you? In the house praying the Kool-Aid man  Mr. Right has your address and comes climbing through your window on some romantic sh**. Well, let me know how that goes because if it works for you...make sure he has a sister or an aunt and send her my way.

"I'm not looking for anything serious but if something happens then...":
You're a weak bitch because you continuously tell these men (yourself) that, "you're not looking for anything serious at the moment but if something happens, so be it" and you know like I know...that's a motherf**kin lie! You know what happens when you say that shi*? Nothing serious, happens! You catch feelings and start looking for him to do the same and when it doesn't happen now you're mad. Oh, you thought your pu**y would change his mind huh? Wrong! You already put it out there that you weren't interested in anything serious so how could you feel some kinda way when you don't get something serious? You call him a fuckboy because ya'll f**ked and now he isn't pressed to make you his woman, but you told him you weren't looking for anything serious and then proceed to lick the shaft of his dick. Oh, ok, maybe it didn't happen like that but did you expect that he was gonna take you serious, the moment YOU got serious? Ha! That whole statement is weak and makes you weak because your intentions aren't clear. If you're not ready for a relationship on any level, then why proceed to give your body away? I get it. No seriously...I get it! You want something but you don't know how to tell him that you're afraid of getting hurt again. You're afraid he won't meet your expectations or live up to your standards. You're afraid to tell him that you still need time to heal from the last dude, so you give him that excuse, hoping nothing serious comes about while ya'll just "talk". 8/10 something serious comes about outta not looking or wanting something serious. I don't need statistics from LSU or any other major university to tell me if that's true or not when you can look at all the examples you've been through, dumbass! You go right ahead and keep leaning on that crutch of an excuse and see how miserable you'll be later down the line.

*****

Now, this entire class I've said, "I get it" and truly I don't. I don't see how any woman can allow a man to disrespect her repeatedly and it be ok because she feels that's what love is all about. I put a couple of women through shit but I also realized my actions and made the necessary changes. I try to understand how you can be so immersed in a relationship that you ignore the signs that you should leave and work on yourself until you're ready to date again but you don't. You're a weak bitch for allowing yourself to be treated like sh*t. If you're going through nothing but downs with a man (or woman) at this current moment in your life, but you're afraid to leave because you don't wanna be lonely...you're weak- no debate. Everyone has their breaking point sooner than others but I'm here to say that you have to stop allowing yourself to be treated less than your value! You know why McDonald's started selling breakfast all day? Because other businesses are starting to sell breakfast and you have places like Chick-Fil_A, that's on the come up! You know why men manipulate you weak women? To plant seeds in their mind so they don't get any ideas on leaving their goofy ass! You got a man that dictates your life and you don't even know it. You got a man that has broken you spiritually and you don't even know it. He done, ran off with your heart twice/you say you leavin but, he don't ever change byke. I need you to listen and listen good: leave. You don't have a direction, ya'll lack understanding, the trust sucks amongst ya'll, the communication is piss poor, and the honesty hasn't been there since date 3. In a relationship, you're supposed to go half, you know, like a dutch date and when you transition into marriage, you then become one. If ya'll struggle with direction, understanding, trust, communication, and honesty; your foundation will forever be f***ed up. I don't want you to be weak in any aspects of your life ladies because of NO MAN. Know your worth. You are worthy of love. Mr. Right won't come knocking on your door. Mr. Right isn't the guy you're currently with. God will bless you with a man like he's done with all your blessings but guess what? You gotta meet him half way, beautiful. Get that ass in formation and to the left, to the left his bumass.

*class dismissed*

@Renaissance_Brotha_

Alexis and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Lame Ass, Fuck Boy

I remember back in the day when TLC put out "Scrub" and how POPULAR it was amongst women. Yo, there wasn't a woman alive, who wasn't singing those lyrics off key:

I don't want no scrub: a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me/hangin out the passenger side, of his best friend's ride, tryna to holla at me 

We fast forward to 2016 and it's quite funny how those lyrics still hold true, to this day. Many terms have been created to describe men, who, for the most part, just...ain't shit. I know reading that may offend some of you dudes out there, so I apologize to you if it does...

Ok...I'm lying because I don't give a fuck about some of you dudes. Some of you dudes really and when I say really, I mean REALLY, need to be eradicated for some of the shit you've been doing and getting away with. I get it. No seriously, I get it. There are women out there who've been naive to your ways and you figure, well, why not capitalize off of their dumbasses! Listen, I completely understand; if you can get away with fucking her, have her catch feelings, and then making her look like the bad guy the moment she wants something more after you've taken her out and a bunch of other shit, but you knew something serious wasn't something you wanted when SHE did - you smart (DJ Khaled voice). I applaud you dudes, why? Because you think that with getting older, it's an accomplishment to increase the number of your sexual partners by manipulating women who don't even know their self worth! You're in your late 20s or early to mid 30s and you feel like "the man" because these chicks are so fucked up mentally, you're gonna get in and get out and fuck them up even more, so the next dude who actually DOES find an interest in them, has a hard time; congratulations, you played yourself (DJ Khaled voice). It's shit like that and a bunch of other shit you're about to read that makes you...

a fuckboy.

*class is in session*

Welcome back to class and I hope the new year has been going great for you thus far. As of lately, I've been asked to write about the fuckboy epidemic and for whatever reason, I've just been against it. What's a fuckboy you ask? Well, to be fair, a fuckboy has many definitions but to me:

a fuckboy is a dude who is callous and corny. He's typically manipulative, no real personality, is usually too pressed for sex, yada yada blah blah.

Now, I don't know why I was so standoffish about the whole thing but one day...

Me: so how are you and Randy doing?

Friend: you mean...fuckboy Randy? He's ok, I guess...

Me: oh, so he's a fuck boy now?

Friend: don't start Anthony, seriously because he was always a fuck boy!

Me: but when I said it, I was hatin on ya'll right? "You just mad because you single and giving out advice but ain't got a GF!" 

Friend: the moment he tried to DM Sandra to come over and chill and then lied about it...he became a fuck boy! I'm so done with dudes like, you have no idea!

Me: but when Alisha told you he was DM'in his dick to different chicks on IG that day in Olive Garden...he wasn't then huh?

Friend: you right. So, is this gonna become a blog for all your lil groupies to read?

Me: nah

Ok, so I lied- sue me! This isn't a blog for the ladies...this is a blog for all you fuckboys out there! There are many of you dudes reading this, who will be offended by what I say and I want you to. I want you to get all the way in your feelings because enough is enough now! You're probably wondering, "how am I, a fuckboy?!"

Well...

Pressed For Sex:

I get it. No seriously...I get it! You see a chick who looks good and the first thing that comes to your mind is, "I wonder if her pussy sounds like when you stir mac n' cheese?" I'd be lying if I said I don't often think the same thing when I see certain women because I truly do, but the difference between having those thoughts vs. being impulsive and acting on them, is what separates men from fuckboys. If you bag a chick and you don't tell her upfront that all you want is sex and/or you simply lie about your intentions when asked- you're a fuckboy. You don't want to take her out, you don't want to been seen with her, you don't care about her day, you don't care about her life, you don't even care that her aunt was just diagnosed with cancer; you, just, wanna, fuck! You switch the topic to sex. Anytime you're with her, you initiate sex. You're home bored, alone, and horny, "Wyd? Send me a pic..." I'm telling you dudes right the fuck now: women, hate, when, you, ask, for, a, nude, pic! Any chance that you can get her to come over and chill or vice versa- WINNING! Actually, you will even lie and fake interest just to fuck! I want you to read that again, hell, even put your finger under each word if you have to just so you can understand just how f***ing pathetic, you truly are.

And P.S. If she likes you'll never have to ask for one.

Private Message Penis:

I like the DM and not because "it goes down" in there but for the fact that the old way of tryna holla at a woman, where you had to have a full ass convo under a pic from 43 weeks ago just to get the number was bloody dreadful! I like it because I can literally, talk to a woman in private, who might look good or whose page might be interesting- that's it. But what some of you guys are doing out here, smh, just downright ridiculous! I get it ok; she looks good and telling her "your beautiful" didn't quite catch her attention so you're looking for a way to talk to her away from the crowd. It's late night and she post a thirst trap of herself, half naked, so you decide you're gonna Spider-Man web sling ya ass into her DM...with ya dick out. Let me ask you this: if your old football coach from high school decided to electric slide his way into your mom's inbox on Facebook and had his wrinkled, ashy ass dick out, talking about, "Hey Gayle" what would you do???

If my moms was still alive and her and my pops weren't together and Coach Johnson did that shit...I would fuck his daughter(s), his niece(s), his sisters, and then whip his old ass!

Why do you feel it is ok to solicit your whole penis into a woman's inbox and then attempt to hold a convo thereafter!?! That shit, ain't even logical, bruh! You know what it's like for her to exit out the convo and then come back to it and she gotta see that dick and you done asked her about her day? Probably fuckin painful! Now, if she's some kinda hoe *shrugs* go for it, who cares, she may actually like that shit, but most women do NOT want your entire dick, in their DM! There's no justifying it unless she asked for it, literally, I mean literally asked like, "send me that dick boo (kissy face emoji)." That goes back to the first point I made about being pressed for sex, like, send that dick to your palm and beat it! Only you thirsty ass fuckboys do shit like that and then wanna get mad when she gets mad because she not tryna entertain you after your failed attempt to approach back fired. Try flexing your personality first and not your dick, dumbass.

"You got a man?  So, what he gotta do with me!":

Everything, motherfucka! I know of some chicks who literally have a BF/husband and will still entertain the next dude and I'm sorry...the following isn't for those type of bitches. There are tons of women on social media who do nothing but post their significant other and somehow, someway, there's some ol noodle head ass dude, who thinks that just because she post a thirst trap or something about a relationship being messed up, that she's referring to her and bae. News flash bruh: it's just a post! And if it did mean her and bae are going through it, it doesn't mean, slide that ass in my DM! Let's take a step away from social media and apply that same logic to meeting a woman out and about; if she tells you, "sorry, but I have a man" I don't care if you think her ass is lying, "sorry I have a man" translates the same, in every language! It makes you a fuckboy if you go a step further to STILL try to holla. That right there shows disrespect and even if she didn't have a man, she already see's what kinda dude you really are on top of that! But I'm tryna figure out when disrespect, on any level, was ever cool... The moment she turns you down, all of a sudden she's ugly and her pussy probably smells like goat sex and a purse full of rotten milk- fuck out her face with ya hurt ass!

*after sex* "but I told you I wasn't lookin for a relationship":

She let you know from jump she wasn't into the games and all the bullshit and you said you felt the same. You lead her to believe that you were fine with getting to know each other and you even took her on some dates, listened to her life story, met the friends, even walked her Yorkie, Bella...even tho that lil shit hated you! You did all of that and then she finally decided to have sex with you. A month or so down the line and now she's asking, "so, what are we?" and what do you say, "I mean, I told you I wasn't looking for a gf, like, I'm not ready for a relationship right now because I'm focused on me but...you cool tho and I like the time we spend together." Anytime one of you dudes decided to SAY some shit like that and then ACT a different way, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out your words and actions don't/didn't mean shit! It makes you a fuckboy because you're wasting her time and yours. You waste her time because more than likely your persistent fake interest tends to beat out the other guy who she probably could've been building with, but she decides to invest all her time and attention into you now. Funny thing about that is...if all you wanted was sex and nothing more, 9/10 you probably could've gotten it a lot quicker if you made that known from jump street. You telling her "you're not looking for a relationship" but agreeing to finger roll your penis in her pussy gives off mixed signals, which is why she's so damn confused on how to feel after ya'll have sex. If a chick told me, "I like your writing but not you...but I heard your head is fire and that dick is bomb...what do you think about being friends with benefits..." and I catch feelings; I mean, one can't help if they catch feelings or not but to act irrational, like we didn't discuss and agree upon something from the beginning...I'd be a fool! If she catches feelings after the two of you have agreed to keep the relationship strictly sexual- that's on her. But if you lead her to believe you wanna be with her but Diddy bop around commitment talk but whip-whip ya penis inside of her the minute she's horny, no questions asked...you're a fuckboy.

MANipulation:

To manipulate a woman outta some pussy is downright pathetic especially one who has every intention of dating with a purpose. A lot of you dudes reading this probably will never be able to meet the standards of some of these women because your mind still operates like you're in undergrad or even still in high school. You make her feel guilty about having high standards because you know deep down inside of that lil fuckboy heart of yours, you won't be able to meet them and/or you simply just can't. She expects you to treat her with respect and not invite her over all the time for movies, takeout, and dick and you treat her like just another chick with a vagina. "I don't even feel like going out but if you wanna come over and cuddle and we can chill...I'm with that." Cuddle? If you don't getcha ass...

Making a woman feel guilty about having high standards is like spoon feeding a Muslim pork fried rice with no vegetables or onions from the Chinese spot; sure, the meat is in question but doing so is malicious and just fucked up all around. Ok, so you don't mindfuck her for pussy, but let's take a second to speak about the things you say and do for chance after chance.

I firmly believe in giving someone 3 chances (like baseball):

1st chance is to see what I might've done wrong

2nd chance is to look at what you did wrong

3rd chance is to see where WE went wrong, together

A lot of you dudes turn into DJ Khaled with the chances 

You fuck up and find some damn way to get back in good with her, just to fuck it up, again? HOW!?! Ladies, listen to me; I don't care if his dick writes Maya Angelou poems on your soul, alright...fuck, giving him, another (hand clap) chance (hand clap, hand clap)! He makes you guilty about shit he should've been doing while ya'll were together, now that you're broken up and you fall for the trap every single time because you believe that his shortcomings is your fault and guess what? They're NOT! That type of shit is stupid because every single time he melts your damn heart with his tears and sorry ass sorrys and you wanna get all soft and allow his ol' fuckboy ass back in, just so he can fuck you over again and again...again and again? Fuck that! All those chances only continue to pit you against yourself and he grave you allow him to dig for you, surely, will be a lonely one.

Physical And Verbal Abuse:

Ima keep this short and simple: if you're reading this and you're a man and you're putting your hands on a woman, you're not a fuckboy...you're a coward. Some of your losers out there will justify your actions with, "I love her, it's just that, sometimes I don't know how to control myself because I love her so much!" That's a poor ass excuses and you're a sorry ass man! Hitting a woman just makes you weak, like, there's no room for debate about it, like, I don't care if she hits you...you walk your bitch ass away instead of striking her. The same dudes who talk that, "I'd be in jail if someone ever did that to my daughter or a woman in my family" are the same ones beating the breaks off of women who are mentally and psychically weak. Let's say you don't hit her...you know verbal abuse has the power to do the same damage, if not worse!? A lot of men are guilty of verbal abuse and I will not sit here and pretend that I haven't been guilty of it once before in the past, but habitually line steppers...y'all need a lit cigarette down your pee hole. Breaking a woman down verbally, does a lot more damage because that's days upon weeks upon months upon years of conditioning, so, when she finally realizes that you aren't the one and move on, now she has to deal with years of abuse. What makes you a fuckboy is how you use her insecurities (flaws) against her, in hopes she doesn't leave you or that she'll forever be damaged. 

"I mean, yea we talk but, nothin serious":

You ask a dude about his relationship status and he says this...more than likely it's something serious. Dudes will have a whole ass gf or wife or family and will try to pop, lock, and drop it in your Instagram DM or Twitter DM or Facebook inbox and will have pictures and all that posted, but the moment you ask him about it, "I mean, we're cool but seriously, it's nothing serious, I promise you." *mmmmmohmygod* Or maybe he is single and you ask him how many girls he's talking to but he never answers you, DIRECTLY. If he doesn't answer you, DIRECTLY, 8/10 he's hiding something/someone. You honestly don't lose any females by telling the truth bro, you actually gain a lot more but some of you dudes don't understand that concept because it's like reciting bible scriptures to these fake ass conscious folks on social media. What makes you a fuckboy about this is; if it's nothing serious...why can't you give a serious answer? Dudes be afraid to lose potential pussy because they fear telling the truth, like...just keep it 100!

*****

I already know that 90% of my audience is women and that many of you ladies felt a little neglected because I didn't address you that much during this blog. Ladies, he can be the finest motherfucka you've ever seen but I assure you that once you allow him to get away with small shit, the big things will become easier and easier to digest! Dudes continuously feed ya'll half-assed shit and ya'll get so warm and cozy over hearing it that once he's stopped doing shit, you're already content with what you have- wake yo ass, UP! The fuckboy epidemic is partially the fault of weak ass women who allow and enable men to act the way they do and don't fully check their ass, on their bullshit! You got a man right now trying to build with you that you ignore for whatever reason. I don't care if he lives in Virginia and you live in California or y'all both live in Cali, his ass goes out his WAY, to make sure you're good, regardless of distant and you treat him like shit because ol fuckboy Anthony got you sprung over some dick and a good morning text? Biiiiiiiiitch! I can talk to these dudes but they ain't finna listen to me because they're happy with using your kindest for a weakness and f***ing you at the drop of a text- don't (Bryson Tiller voice). When you stop giving these dudes the time of day...when you stop entertaining these dudes...when you stop making excuses for their shortcomings...when you begin to understand your motherfuckin worth...then and only then will you begin to see a difference in the kind of men you attract! Sure, some of these men will do whatever and say whatever to get pussy but guess what baby girl...

It won't be YOUR pussy!

P.S. all you weak bitches/women...the next blog is dedicated to you :)

@renaissance_brotha_

Moan, Stretch, Cum, Let It Go

The language and content of this entire piece is raw and uncut and if you are sensitive, I highly suggest you do not read,

like, at all...

deadass.

*****

You ever just look at somebody and be like, DAMN...I wonder what you fuck like!? For me, it happens often. There are just some women who just look like, well...they look like they can take a good dick! Not to take away from the fact that they're probably amazing in other areas of their lives but yea, some just look like they can take a good dick...

for about an hour or 2.

Now, don't get all in your feelings and come at me with that, "omg, you're a sexist pig...a womanizer...misogynist!" jargon because the moment a picture some appealing ass dude gets posted somewhere, with a dick print or with his shirt off, (some of) you ladies get your panties in a knot and start confessing all the nasty s*** you would do to him! But I ain't here to judge you, just like I hope you ain't here to judge me but if you are, who cares.

I digress

I'm not gonna lie to you...I love sex. I love a great mental connection and all but I really enjoy, bending a woman over eating the entire soul and every single middle school memory, from her vagina. Or maybe even just a nice and simple choke n' stroke- who knows. Point of the matter is: I love sex and I love doing different positions. Positions that'll have the body shaking and yearning for more. Positions that'll make it feel as if there's an earthquake happening in the pelvic region. Positions...that'll have you laid out across the bed like a damn starfish. Now today's class is dedicated to some positions, that I like and I hope some of you will like as well. Maybe you've tried them, maybe you haven't but if you haven't, I suggest you do!

*class is in session*

Legs On Shoulders:

There's something sexy about a woman's legs resting on my shoulders, I don't know what it is, but it just does something to me. Maybe because I like legs...who knows. Ladies, lay on your back and put either one of your legs on his shoulders or both, it's up to you. By doing this, your vagina will become tighter and will allow him to hit that G-G-G-spot better. If you want, you can even place a pillow underneath your lower back to give you an added lift, choice is yours. Let him start off slow and then pick up the pace. As he begins to go faster, have him lean in while holding your leg(s) or you can hold'em yourself. As he continues to go faster, he can ease up and hold your leg and push it forward (only if you're flexible). When that leg is pushed slightly forward and he long stroking you deeeeep, bihh, ain't no, "ba-ba-bae stop," because in our head, you saying stop but all we thinking is:

The reason this position is great...he can hit your spot and if you enjoy cummin together, you can do so. Sh**, you can also get that good ol' choke n' stroke done too...not the kinda choke like when you eating a dry ass biscuit, the kind where you can barely hear yourself moaning but you can feel him all up in you.

P**** Pon Di Face:

Always check with the dude beforehand because if you go climbing him like Spider-Man does buildings and you say, "well, Renaissance Brotha SAID it was ok..." and he come looking for me on some crazy mess...your dude, will be outta commission for a bit, so, yea, ask first. You can do this either facing him or in the reverse cowgirl position (I suggest doing both ways to be honest). Don't be aggressive starting off either, let the anticipation build up. If you're facing him: straddle his face and have him stick out his tongue and just dip...and bring it back up...dip...and bring it back up...and dip. Fellas, allow her to get comfortable and then you wrap your arms around her thighs. Ladies, grip his head and just sit there and let him do his thing. Fellas, suck on her lips but also allow your tongue to go in and out at the same time. Now if you do it in the reverse, I suggest getting on your tippy toes ladies and just ride his face. Bounce up and down! Wine your waist, grind on his face, I mean...we men love that sh**! The reason this position is great...it secretly gives men the power to dictate the orgasm. I'm a firm believer in talking sh** during sex and when you have a mouth full a pu***, it may be hard but you will have your moments where you can say things like,

"you like that sh**..."

"you like the way I suck that clit..."

"feed me that pu***..."

"cum in my mouth...

Because when you talking that sh** and you eating it right...it will bring about a very pleasurable orgasm altogether. Also, play with her nipples, lick and rub on the clit while you're eating, smack her ass even...keep it sexy.

That's Swahili For Doggy-style:

Doggy-style might be one of the top rated positions when it comes to sex. It's pleasurable to both parties and it's also an ego booster. A guy thrusting a chick from the back, all hard and fast or a woman throwing it back while looking back...it just does something to one's ego within the moment. I love it when her back is arched and...I'm deep in it. I love it when her face is down and her ass is up...and I'm deep in it. Her back is arched, I got that left leg up, just stroking away...sh** is better than the way they described heaven! Fellas, fellas, felllaaass...don't get her in this position and start off all fast: take (hand clap) yo (hand clap) time (hand clap, hand clap)! You gotta tease her a little bit. Slide it in nice and gentle and pull it out slow; that sh** will drive her crazy! As soon as you see her reaching her arm to the back to pull you closer, slap it away on some, "don't touch me or ima fuck your harder!" WOMEN LOVE THAT SHIT! Just keep sliding it in and out for a couple of minutes, get it all wet, hell, rub it on her clit even, don't be afraid to take control. After awhile, you start to build up the momentum and you can go as fast/slow as you like. Grip her waist, hold onto her shoulders, you know, basic sh** at first. She start moaning more, grab her arms, pull'em back and you fu** her harder. The reason this position is great...you can get your choke n' stroke on! I'm not telling you to Ike Turner choke her, just: get a nice little grip around her neck and stroke her! Slap her ass while you're doing it! Another reason why this position is great...I'm almost 94% sure this and missionary are the two positions that women get pregnant in the most! Ima be honest with you; if we in missionary and you looking me in the eyes, witcho pretty ass or you throwin it back, biting on that lip and moan "f***"...I'm not pulling out, like, at all. So, you better cut that sh** out or we will be up in Zales, ring shopping and deciding baby names because you will be stuck with me.

Let Her Ride:

Sometimes...I just want to be submissive. I'd be a liar if I said otherwise and frankly...I'm not in the business of lying to you. A woman on top is quite sexy, especially if she knows what she's doing. I know for some it can be awkward with all that eye contact but once you get passed all that, everything else is a go. Ladies, get him him to lay down and relax,

"bae, put your hands behind your head,"

is what you tell him and if he moves say,

"bae don't move or ima f*** you harder!"

GUYS LIKE THAT SHIT! There are times when we want you to be all cute and whatnot but then there are other times when we want you to ride us like a Kentucky Derby horse. Lean back and hold his knees while you ride him. Place your hands in his chest as you go up and down. Go down slow...come up fast or vice versa. Stay at the top and only come down 3/4 of the way and then go back up; any way you want to ride him is completely up to you. Get on the balls of your toes, grab your own breast and lick your nipples, sh**, be sexy! Tell his ass to keep his eyes on you while you riding that d***. Fellas, if you don't want to just lie there; grab her by the waist and fuck her back! That upward motion will hit her spot and her legs will get weaker by the min and that's when you tell her,

"turn that ass around...and ride me!"

Reverse cowgirl is perfect for women who love hearing the sound of her ass clappin. It's also great for women who enjoy twerkin on the d***. It's also perfect for dudes who love ass. What's better than looking at a nice ass and watching your penis go in...and out...in...and out and hearing her moan,

"smack my ass daddy! That pu*** feel good, don't it babe!?"

That sh** right there is probably one of the best things, we as men enjoy hearing during sex. More importantly ladies, you're in control! If you wanna hula hoop wine on the D, you can. You wanna bounce that booty like a basketball on the D, you can. You wanna, "cause my best friend finnaaaaa, she finnaaaaa (ohhhh)" twerk on the D, be my guessst! The reason this position is great...it never takes her that long to cum, if you got the right "equipment" and if you know what you're doing. Plus, women who like being in control basically hold the key, to the D! If you get him to moan during sex...you own his damn soul. Anytime he tells you he's about to cum ladies and tries to push you away: ease up a little bit and then quickly tighten the p**** and shift your weight into your hips and keep riding him...his punk ass won't go nowhere.

Edge Of The Bed:

If he pulls you to the edge of the bed, I can almost guarantee you 9 months later you will be in the hospital giving birth. I kid but seriously...you get pulled to the edge of the bed and it's a wrap! There's truly something sexy about it that, I don't even think scientist have managed to figure out just why. I love it! Grab you by the legs and just pull you away and watch the sheets underneath you get all fu**ed up- sexy. Spreading your legs and telling you play with your pu*** for me, I mean, how could one NOT marvel at such a sight! Fellas, get her to the edge of the bed, not to where she's more off than on the bed but to where she's balanced good enough so you can do some work. Don't even slide in her (yet) start by eating her. Tell her hold her legs and literally, just lick on the clit. Don't do NOTHING else- lick on the clit, ONLY!!! Do that for a few minutes and THEN you slide in because at this point, she'll be tired of holding her own legs so, you can hold'em for her. Slide it in, slow...I mean reaaal slow and take it out and slap it on her p****; don't even question me, just do it! Then you wanna slide all the way in and go to work. The great thing about doing all that is...you can put her right on her side (you decide) and hold one leg up, while the other remains flat and just, pump hard and fast. The reason this position is great...she won't have ANY control as to what's going on and if you stroking it good and you can hold that leg up and you can play with the clit

she just might squirt...

which is never a bad thing.

Listen, I know that was a lot to take in right but the beauty of sex is that when it's done right, I mean, not decent, I mean RIGHT...two people are left with smiles on their faces and the world is a better place. I encourage everyone to enjoy sex, safely. Yes, use condoms! If you have a partner, don't be afraid to take their ass to the clinic to get tested. If you have a new partner and you know that you're not a fan of using condoms...TAKE THEIR ASS TO THE CLINIC or make them show their results- I'm deadass when I say that. Too many people are having unprotected sex and catching a bunch of shit and passing it along like Chris Paul to Blake Griffin and in no way shape or form is that sh** cool! Just because a person doesn't LOOK like they have something, means sh**! Use protection and get tested, I promise you, it's really painless and easy and will keep you safe out here. I know sex feels way better without a jimmy hat but fellas, you don't wanna be in some p**** one day and a few weeks later your crotch is itchy and you doing the whip & nae nae to your johnson. Ladies, I know brown skin with the good teeth and full beard looks good but he can have a some sh** that'll have your whole vagina in the toilet swimming like Michael Phelps. I know light skin with the nice eyes or the dark skin dude with dreads got a d*** that'll have you praising Allah but you gotta stop allowing these men to go in raw and leaving your box with a filter on it (take your pick). I know this wasn't your typical ending but it has to be said because if one of you ladies burn me or give me some shit I can't get rid of...I'm getting you fired from your job, evicted, selling your shoes, cutting the front panel of your panties out, tossing your car keys, blowing up your car, leaving dog doodoo in from of your parents house, leaking your nudes to Baller Alert, and flushing your make-up and recording that sh**! Be safe!

Do you have any favorite positions? If so, what are they and why.

@renaissance_brotha_

Love Thy Queen

I'm not perfect. I will never, ever claim to be perfect. I don't claim to know it all; I just claim to know what I know and speak on that. I'm not speaking on, How To Maintain Your Marriage After Year 5 because I've never been married. If you see me write about it, you better believe I have experience with what is being said! I think it's important to say all of this because it allows you, as the reader, to have a very clear understanding of WHY I go so hard, in the manner that I do:

WE NEED TO HAVE MORE HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS THAT TRANSITION INTO RELATIONSHIPS, THAT CONTINUE TO BUILD UPON THAT EXISTING FRIENDSHIP! Period!

I digress

I've been in countless relationships where I've fuc*** up. Yes, I am man enough to admit that without hesitation: I've fu**** up in every single one of my relationships! I'm not saying I'm the reason we've ended...I'm just admitting to you, as the reader, that Renaissance Brotha (not Man) has done some shit in his past relationships, that he...I, am not happy/proud about. Now, with that being said I can also admit that, there have been tons of things I have done right! I mean, no one stays with someone for years just because the d*** is that good, I mean, I would hope not but, yea...that wasn't the case because my D ain't s***!

I digress, again

Sometimes, we get caught up in trying to take care of the weeds so much, that we forget to smell and enjoy the roses.

"Renaissance Brotha!"

"Yes, you over there"

"Well, what do you mean by that?"

*class is in session*

Sometimes, we get caught up in trying to take care of the weeds so much, that we forget to smell and enjoy the roses. I'm saying it again because I want you to fully understand what I'm saying and WHY I'm saying it but, we shall touch on that later.

From social networks, the media, your mother, your grandmother, your best friend whose been single since who knows when, to magazine articles, all these different things/persons will advise ladies on how they should treat and care for and love a man. Some of them make valid points but right now, here today, I wanna speak on the opposite: how fellas should treat their queen/woman.

Yes...how we should treat our queen/woman!

This isn't just for the men within the Black community, this is speaking to men of all races, color, creeds, religions, gangs, socioeconomic status, so on and so forth. So pay attention to message and suspend the personal judgement you may have, for the messenger.

Love thy QUEEN

I'm here to tell you that if a woman tells you that words don't mean a thing...then why do they love compliments so damn much!? YES, actions speak louder than words but words play a major part in how we view those actions. Compliment her! Tell her she looks good. Tell her you appreciate her all that she does. Tell her thank you, for the sh*t she does, for YOU! Show her you appreciate her! Ok, I'm not saying do the following every damn week or month or every few months but, try it, at least once (depending on the length of your relationship)

Have her call her out of work and pamper her, the entire, daaay! I'm talking about from morning to night, you plan an entire day dedicated to her and not another soul. Hell, if you even wanna give her the money from the time she missed at work, do it!

I say that because we have to find new ways of maintaining the relationship we have with our partner. You wanna do things that are comfortable with you but also that she'll appreciate as well. A foot rub won't kill ya. A full body massage won't kill ya. Head on the side of the highway won't kill ya...unless the cops spot you guys, then...you know...they might might kill ya. The point of me saying all of this, is to love her in a way that works best for Y-O-U! Be patient with her. Sometimes things won't materialize at a pace of your liking...and that's ok. Just know that: if it's meant to happen, it's meant to happen; there's never a need to rush things within your relationship, especially because it's a never ending building process. Also, don't sit there and throw in her face all the things you do/did for her- she knows what you do/did, she was/is present for it! I had made the mistake of saying, "well you should be happy I cook for you...it's not like any other dude you had did!" And for that, I was deadass wrong. From that I learned; we do things (at least in my opinion) out the kindness of our heart because we love our partners. We have to get back to loving our women, with a pure heart.

Love Thyself, For Your Queen

I know a lot of women that let themselves gooooooo, once they get into a relationship! Like: stop eating good, do whatever with their hair/make-up, say f*** the gym, and all the rest of that sh** but I also know, a lot of dudes who do the same! Some of ya'll don't clean up your place, won't clean out the car, don't get a haircut as often, don't groom "downstairs", dodge the gym, and so on and so forth. Fellas- don't do that. I don't know which OG told you, sh** like that was cool but your lady...she ain't got time for it! Have some pride in how you look!!! We as men, pride ourselves on how our women should look like this or that but never go look in the mirror and hold ourselves to such a high standard. I myself will always admit, that I'm not the tallest, I'm not the funniest, I don't have a bunch of abs, I'm not the smartest and that may be the same for you as well. What works for me is that I know who I am and I will never, ever, ever, everrrrrr let a soul get a chance to tell me anything different! We as men have to hold ourselves to some kinda fu***** standard; it is ok to have standards, fellas. Insecurities and pride are two of the BIGGEST contributing factors, as to why men can't/don't maintain healthy relationships. I don't need statistics from USA Today or some Harvard University scientist to back me up here. If you sit and talk to a man long enough, what you will get is typically the same thing,

"I didn't feel like doing x y z"

"I just couldn't trust her blah blah blah"

"I didn't feel like I was the right man yada yada"

The above examples all speak to who a man is on the inside! Men: deal with them insecurities and put that pride to the side for a better YOU! And don't rebuttal me with that bullsh**, "it's easier said than done" because we are creatures of action- less excuses and more moves!

Feed, Thy Queen

Cook for her. I'm not just saying that because I love to cook, I'm saying that because men like me who DO cook, will offer her a plate of some shit that will have her second guessing why she's even with your ass! I kid, slightly. We as men know LeBron's stats from his rookie year but can't take the time to read a f***ing recipe!? Geeeeeet outta here! 

You might laugh at the above but at least it shows the person tried. I learned to cook because I loved women and because of Dr. Seuss. Green Eggs and Ham is my favorite book (of all time) and I figured, well, if I learn how to cook some creative sh** like that, maybe, just maybe, the ladies will love me! 

Eventually they did. All I'm saying is that, it won't hurt to cook her up a meal. Not every day or every other day but maybe once a week. You don't have to be a damn chef, but cooking her a meal or even helping her, hell, maybe just doing it TOGETHER, shows you at least give a damn! Women (hand clap) love (hand clap) to eat (hand clap, hand clap)! It won't kill you to cook for your queen.

Sex, Thy Queen

(If you're celibate or don't believe in sex before marriage, then skip this one)

I'm not even gonna sugar coat this one or pu***foot: be on point. Women enjoy sex just as much as men, if not, moreeee- not up for a debate and I ain't got the statistics for this one either. You gotta know what you're doing even before you get her in the bed. Sexting works. Send her some sexy ass pictures. A di** pic or some provocative sh** like that aren't only reserved for women. Verbally stimulating her throughout the day works too:

"You know I wanna see you throw that ass back on this d*** in them heels you wore 3 Fridays go, right?!"

"I can't wait to slide my tongue all the way inside of you later...so how's your day?"

You say things like that because mentally, it helps her prepare for what's to come later. Also, don't forget foreplay! Don't just stimulate her mind...stimulate her body, man (Smokey from Friday voice)! Yes, some women just want you to slide inside and do what it do but...some women enjoy the art of seduction. Get some ice cream, some fruit, hell, if you don't wanna do all that, just plant some kisses all over. Start from the neck and work your way down and once you get in between her thighs- eat her. If you're not eating the pu*** in 2015...you're...you're corny. Sex isn't the end all be all but for those who have it and enjoy it, it is important and I will not sit here and tell you otherwise. Go read, "Make It Nasty," ... just cause.

Maintain Le Fire With, Thy Queen

I'm not gonna write a bunch of sh** for this one because there's an entire blog dedicated to this very point on the site that you should go read, if you haven't done so already. Go read, "Maintaining The Romance," AFTER you read this tho. Proceed on.

Converse, With Thy Queen

I saved this one for last because this one is EXTREMELY important- communicate with your queen. I look back on all my relationships and it hurts to know that part of the reasons why we didn't work is because communication sucked elephant d***. I look back on potential partners and it hurts because the communication sucked dolphin d***. I look back on friendships that didn't work or are now estranged and it hurts because the communication sucked whale nuts. We as men have to get to a place where we communicate better. This "fallback" craze is stupid! No one is Charles Xavier from the X-Men, no one is Ms. Cleo, no one is a fu**ing mind reader, so if you aren't expressing how you feel, verbally...how can things get better!? The goal is to work through and...wait for it...get though, motherf***a! The excuse that, men don't communicate well, blah blah is tired and old and ladies I'm telling you to not accept it because if you accept it for 6 months...you'll accept that sh** for 6 years! I've said this before and I will say it again: if you can communicate to her how you want her to suck your d*** then you can communicate to her how you want to be loved and all the things you have an issue with! If she pushes you away...if she turns it around and ignores what you're saying makes it about her...that sh** will continue to happen and she ain't the one for you, bruh. I don't care if she sucks the soul from your d*** and lets you f*** her best friend with the fat ass and natural hair- if her communication skills suck, step away. Communication is so key, it's so crucial, it's so fu**ing necessary! Talk to your lady. Talk with your lady. It's healthy. It won't hurt you to ask how her day was. It won't hurt you to tell her that you've been hurt before. It won't hurt you to say, "hey, I made plans for us to go see x y z and afterwards we're doing a b c...don't make other plans." It won't hurt! I'm not telling you to spill your guts. I'm telling you to....I'm suggesting you learn how to communicate better, not just for yourself but for the betterment of ya'll, as a couple. 

"You really feel like that tho?"

"Yes, yes I do!"

We gotta know when to check our fellow men, for the fu** shit they do. You might call it hatin or blocking but real men call it...wait for it...accounta-fu**in-bility! Now, the way Meek did it to Drake...wasn't cool. Doing s*** like that, behind the scenes, is completely ok. Checking other men needs to happen more because the more the fu** slides...lol...wait for it...the more these women go get women and build happy ass homes with. Not saying that's a bad thing but if @...never mind. Sometimes, we get caught up in trying to take care of the weeds so much, that we forget to smell and enjoy the roses. When you think about the analogy of women being like flowers and men being like weeds...things being to be put into a better perspective. So often, we are told to focus on the weeds (men) that we forget that even after the weeds are taken care of...the flowers (women) get neglected. We gotta stop neglecting the flowers. We have  to learn how to love our women better because now, more than ever, it is important! It is fu**ing vital! We all want better and all that jazz but wanting better will always start with self, before anyone else. I know I said this was for all kinds of men but Black men...BLACK MEN...we gotta do better! I'm not saying this to make my vagina rate go up because I can care less about how women look at me and the ones that wanna hand off the pu*** to me like Russell Wilson to Marshawn Lynch. I'm saying this because I wholeheartedly mean the sh**! Black women are leaving Black men alone because 1) we don't get the basics 2) we don't wanna do the basics 3) we're disrespectful 4) we're womanizers and so on and so forth and it is counterproductive when building a kingdom fit, for a king and queen. If you take in all of what I'm saying, she won't have time for another man. This isn't some blueprint on how to keep your partner from cheating because we should trust our partner enough to believe that they won't cheat but this to help enhance the friendship/relationship we have already in place. If you keep your partner feed mentally, spiritually, sexually, and so on and so forth...you will never have to worry about if your love is enough fellows...her actions will show it- love thy queen!

*class is dismissed*

@Renaissance_Brotha_

Bruh...I Don't WANT, Your Girl

The great thing about being a "relationship consultant" (as I like to call myself because guru sounds...eh) is that I am able to converse with people who have different perspectives and experiences that have lead them down the path they are today. I enjoy the company of people. Conversation flowing, laughs, debating, all that- I enjoy. When I break that down even further, I specifically enjoy the company of women. And not for the contrary assumption of wanting to obtain sex but because when you honestly converse with women...you learn a lot. Women from all walks of life, hit me up seeking advice about their man issues and because of the relationships I've been in and just life experiences in general, I'm able to give my honest feedback on what it is they need advice with. Some take it, others don't. For me, it will never, EVER, be about telling someone what they WANT to hear, but more so, what I feel/think is right with the given information. But, WITH the enjoyment of female company comes...

their men!

BF(s), side dude, ex BF, ex side dude, husband, ex husband, crazy ex husband, fiancé, the dude in the friend zone, the boo, the bae, the dude she's currently f**kin, and so on and so forth.

I knew the very moment I started to blog, that women would be drawn to the idea of a man sharing his thoughts/feelings but never did it cross my mind that men would follow, in the manner they do- these dudes are crazy! Now if I had a dollar for every single time one of these dudes had an issue with me...I’d be able to eat at Chipotle every Friday and Saturday afternoon for the next 2 years! I'll share with you a couple stories, now bare with me, I can't make this stuff up, this is real:

Story #1 – I was cool with this chick on Facebook for some years. We went out for wings a few times, hell, she got drunk one night and I even called her a cab so that she would get home safely because in the summer...anything is liable to happen. Anytime we wrote to each other on FB, we’d joke on one another, flirt, call each other punk or sweetie or homie, you know, nothing too serious. One day, she sends me this long ass inbox message, to let me know she recently started a new relationship and her new BF didn't appreciate the way I would write on her wall, so she asked me to chill on the sweet talk- ok, no problem. Now mind you, it must’ve just become official a FEW days before the message because we were harmlessly flirting not that long ago. When I tell you this guy had her on lock-DOWN and had her unfriend me and all that- bruh! For the 6 months they were together, we talked a couple times and that was only because we had mutual friends and went to the same lounges. After they broke up...here she comes, "boo, I missed you!" *skurttttt* bye bihh!

Story #2 – A good friend of mine got engaged recently. I knew her for YEARS! I'm talking, we cried when they showed the last episode of Boy Meets World together at her house. We fell outta contact but when we linked back up, she introduces me to her fiancé at a party. I showed him mad love, congratulated him, and wished them the best; I’m genuinely happy for them. He seemed receptive, but I would soon learn that he fronted something hard! I got random accounts from our friends concerning this dude using my name in vain. He claimed that I had/have relations with his GF (which I didn’t because I was never attracted to her in that way...her teeth, eh). He claimed that we would end up in the same places because we SET it up that way and not by coincidence. A mutual friend even told me to stop talking to my homegirl because dude would ice-grill me anytime I spoke to her. I didn’t think it was that serious, but I took my people’s advice and chilled, because I damn sure didn't want this dude to run up on me and ask, "...can I get a drop!?" (YouTube if you don't know what I'm referring to).

In my head I'm like, "maybe it's because I'm chocolate...ladies love chocolate!" But then I realized, I'm short! And females ain't really checking for no short dude, no matter how great they may be...

ok I'm lying but women aren't necessarily checking for me and if they are, I damn sure ain't aware!

So I asked my close lady friends on many occasions what kinda impression is it that I give off, from their POV:

"Yo...you flirt a lot and if I was ya girl I would have a problem with that! But then again you ain't out here f***in everything so, it's harmless but I would stab you Ant!"

"I can see why dudes be mad at you honestly because you know what you want and you don't settle. If I were, MY BF, you'd be blocked from every form of getting in contact with me!"

And it's sh** like that I can appreciate because I know I'm a flirt, hell, I take full responsibility for my actions but when I'm in a relationship, I will flirt and nothing more! I'm not that type of dude to want someone's GF/wife...ok, I have a few in mind that if they were single I would pursue, a few of which I'm sure will be reading this, so that last line was a lie, forgive me. With that being said, here are some actually convos/things that have been said to me or about me over the past few yrs by dudes who, well, you be the judge: 

"I don't want you talking to him! That little ass dude with the beard be dry snitchin in them blogs or posts or whatever it is he be doing! He look like Taye Diggs, like seriously! And women love Taye!"

Women tell me that having attractive, successful, single men as platonic friends doesn’t always fly with their man and over the years I've seen why. Some dudes seriously play a good friend role and then once that relationship is on the rocks...he's tryna slide his whole penis in her like she wasn't just crying over ol' dude 2 weeks ago! I cant help it if women think I'm handsome- blame my pops! Men are observant creatures. Men always keep their eyes open for dudes who claim to be cool with their girl because that’s how some men have gotten their current girl to begin with. The BF usually assumes the “friend” has hidden motives, which isn't always the case. Insecurity also plays a role here. A dude who sees that another man, whose friends with his GF, excels or surpasses him in areas he lacks, may feel pressure. He’ll start power trippin, make demands for ya'll to stop seeing each other, or push the envelope to see how much he can eliminate you from his GF's life. I had a dude inbox me on FB one time, "you comment my shawty pic with that "good morning" s*** bro and Imma fuc* you up! You disrespectful!" Haha, light skin dudes.

"Wait, but wasn't you and Keshia talking about his d*** the other day!? Keshia hoe ass always seeing somebody penis so I know there's some truth to it!"

***quick story***

My homegirls walked in on me getting out the shower...and seen my package. Keisha told our friend's BF for whatever reason and lord...that's where the problems began. Now my friend and her man have a whole ass discussion and she tells him "x y z" and that creates an issue that I had to step away from.

I never understood why females tell their BF's irrelevant things for. By telling him stupid sh**, you have now made some regular ol' guy a potential threat. She may have dreamt about you, praised a recent accomplishment, or made some annoying ass comment about you and your popularity with the ladies. Either way, she said something to make him wonder. Don't post, "Ant I love your blogs; keep'em comin!" because he is most definitely gonna feel some kinda way about that and I ain't got the time to sarcastically defend bs. Ladies, don't ever put your guy friends in an awkward situation with you boo thang...it only spells trouble. Don't ever talk about your ex's penis size with your current either- no matter how much he asks about it. If he does ask about it, lie! Yes, I just told you to lie!

Man: "babe, where you at?"

GF: "at Ant house playin Call of Duty, I tol...hello? hello?!?!?"

A lot of females feel the same way when it comes to other women, "I don't f***s wit these b****** because these bit**es are fake!! Why you think most of my friends are male friends!" Many guys can’t understand how women can have a man, and still chill with guys. Some people will argue that a woman’s BF should suffice for all her needs, whether it’s recreational, sexual, intellectual, or spiritual. Me- eh. A man doesn't want to be around his woman 24-damn-7, but that doesn’t mean we want other men (friends or otherwise) to hang with our woman either!

(excluding me because I know you need "you time" and friend time, so yea, do you boo boo)

If anytime you want to go out with your girl, and she replies “oh not today I have training with Mike” or “Me and Sean are doing lunch today bae, I told you that. Reign check?”, this will eventually cause a rift between the two of yall. My homegirl had to call the police because her BF yoked her up because me and a few of our mutual friends sent her flowers on her birthday because it was just a sweet gesture and because her day started off crappy... dude is currently in jail.

"I know you & Wesley Snipes had somethin in the past..."

Many platonic friendships between men and women birth from an attraction from one or both parties. You may have tried to holla and it didn’t work out, so you gladly accept being in the friend zone. You could develop relationships from having friends in common. Ya'll could’ve even messed around once. Either way, prior history of attraction holds the same weight as Rockefeller drug laws and it makes her friend guilty until proven innocent. Women love to use the phrase “I used to like him but he’s my friend now” and act like that’s normal! You know damn well most guys ain't for no chick with a past, but I digress. The friend zone is like the speeding limit: Yea it’s a rule to follow, but most people speed anyway, switch lanes without signaling, and slow down when they see police. My homegirl Maria's husband pressed me because we talked a long time ago:

"I don't care it was 45 yrs or 2 yrs ago! That's my lady now!"

Pushing the envelope on a friendship based on attraction is normal human interaction, but remember that the difference between 65 and 100 mph is 2-5 seconds, so drive safe. 

"Stop callin/textin/emailin him about our problems! He ain't Steve Harvey!"

I can't help it if a female decides to confide in me as a friend and nor can any other man who is a neutral party. Men hate when their GF/wife has a male friend whom which she decides to call upon when things get rocky. They feel like dudes can’t objectively critique situations without some type of plan to eventually try to fu** if sh** goes left!! Dudes also fear that another dude will tell their women when their man is full of sh** and share all the so-called "secrets" only men know. Men also feel like their GF’s shouldn’t converse about their problems with another dude, especially if the man knows him, because it’s inappropriate. Yes, women have female friends who they go to for advice but 8/10 they aren't listening to Cassandra who has been single since Miley Cyrus was on Disney! Men for the most part will recognize that they have these male friends, but men will always keep an eye on the situation just in case. Recently, a dude named James hit me up on Instagram to talk to me about the friendship me and his baby mama has. When I tell you that was the worst 2 hours of my life wasted on this dude and his insecure ass, when in actuality, I TOLD his baby mama to stay and work things out...lawwddd!

At the end of the day, I respect relationships/marriages and I try not to step on toes. I don’t disrespect my female friends or their boyfriends, and I remain mindful of my words and actions, and the perceptions they may carry. It’s tough to take all those precautions and still have dudes claim that I’m no good. I can’t live my life for others, or in fear of what my every move will mean to the next man’s situation. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to fear. Fear leads to insecurity, and insecurity can push your BF/GF right into the hands of another person. I get attacked on a day to day basis about "how can you have all this wisdom if you've never been married?" Or my personal favorite, "how can a single man give advice to those in relationships!?" It always makes me laugh. The moment I allow anyone's opinion of what I do get in the way of who I'm becoming is the day I record a video of me eating a dog's ass with cat food! Fellas...I don't want your lady, if anything, I'm trying to KEEP you with your lady but your insecurities won't allow you to see that. If she means anything to you- fight for her. Let her know how much you care about her! Stop worrying about the next dude when she isn't even paying him no mind! Don't end up like me sharing your personal life all over the internet because pride kept you from something great. You got someone great- you hold on to her.

@renaissance_brotha_