So I Have This Friend: Got Cancer?

Usually, those who have the most problems tend to wear the best disguises. For myself, I remember being homeless at one point and the toll that it took on my work and personal life day after day was beyond words. Most didn't know and because of pride, I just never told them because I saw it as, "how could this person help me, if they didn't know me well enough?" Even with family it was a struggle. So...I kept to myself and did what I had to do to get where I needed to be, but for others, that's not the case. So many of us go thru struggles that can either make us or break us and help define who we are as individuals. "Tough times never last, tough people do!"

I thought I was crazy until I met this young lady in high school by the name of Kira. Beyond nutty, to say the least. We didn't interact THAT much but we knew of each other, kinda like most blacks in high school do. Fast forward some years later and here we are now, good friends and all. With this weekend series (So I Have This Friend) I try to give the best advice I possibly can based off of the information I've learned thru the years and knowledge I've learned from others. The advice is real and the stories are realer.

So I Have This Friend...who's fighting cancer.

World, meet Shakira

Me: So I'm confused, do you have breast cancer or...
Kira: I don't have breast cancer. I am BRCA positive. Had Hodgkins Lymphoma and am a ticking time bomb for breast and ovarian cancer.

Me: Wait, BRCA? This might be a stupid question but does that mean: breast cancer?

Kira: Yes, that's the breast and ovarian cancer gene.

Me: Oh ok, got it. So, is it a correct to say that you're battling cancer?
Kira: My battle now is avoiding cancer as much as I can, though the doctor makes it seem inevitable.

Me: When did you find out?

Kira: About 2 years ago because my aunts got tested and had it. One had breast cancer very early stage. All 3 did a mastectomy and reconstruction and one had the hysterectomy also.

Me: So, this is genetic?
Kira: Yea, the BRCA gene is genetic. They say if the mother has it there is a 50:50 chance the child may have the gene also. My grandmother and mother don't wanna get tested, but three of us from my grandma side definitely have the gene.

Me: So, I'm researching online and according to http://m.cancer.gov/topics/factsheets/BRCA it says, "A woman’s lifetime risk of developing breast and/or ovarian cancer is greatly increased if she inherits a harmful mutation in BRCA1 or BRCA2."
Kira: Yup and with me having radiation when I had cancer it increases my risk even more, I think I'm in the 80 something percentile. So mammo every year, breast soon every 6 months, breast MRI every year. and pelvic sono every 3-6 months because I'm extremely high risk.

Me: Yeesh! How do you stay sane...outside of your love for Beyoncè, Big Bang Theory, and food?

Kira: I have trained myself to not dwell on it. When a doctor tells u EVERY, SINGLE, TIME with a serious face that your just a ticking time bomb (their exact words) there really isn't any other choice but to stay "sane" besides blocking it out or being in denial. You have too many questions that have no answers and too many angry feelings towards life in general, plus...I'm bipolar, so being in denial is better on me mentally.

Me: Ha! I'm Bipolar myself, mild stages tho.
Kira: Well I don't take my lithium because in my head I'm normal lol. The other day I threw out all my meds.

Me: Lol, I never took meds, just started reading dictionaries, writing, did some sports and sh*t like that. In my head...ain't nobody have time for no meds!
Kira: Exactly! I'm mental but the meds messed my body up. Can't f*** with it. I usually just black out and come back to normal. It's ok, I can deal lol.

Me: How has your mother been as far as supporting you is concerned?
Kira: The thing about it is, I don't speak on my health with anyone really. I don't care for the pity. And my mother is a hypochondriac so she would then think she has everything in the book lol.

Me: Lol, understandable. Are you single?
Kira: Yea.

Me: So in the past, you and your partner never talked about it?
Kira: No, I haven't. Usually they will ask can they go to an appointment and I'll tell they can't or tell them how it with afterwards very briefly.

Me: Have you ever asked tho?
Kira: Yea, but barely. I did my appointments by myself and stuff. I never want(ed) to feel like a burden.

Me: When you first found out, what was your first initial reaction?
Kira: I bawled like a baby and asked why the f*** can't I get a break! Being in remission from my childhood, cancer had me at ease and feeling as if the worst was over. Living everyday not knowing there's a high possibility of being diagnosed, the cancer again is worse than when I found out the first time.

Me: I couldn't imagine.
Kira: S*** who u telling!

Me: Have you ever thought about speaking somewhere?
Kira: To who?

Me: Like at schools, you know, high schools or a college or something.

Kira: I was supposed to at the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society: Light The Night Walk, but I arrived late, I was scheduled to be a guest speaker. If you Google my name a picture of me comes up and if you click it, you will see what I wrote. (http://www.lightthenight.org/li/localchapter/patients third one down, Shakira Henry)

Me: Do you take any meds? Like are you required to?

Kira: For the cancer? No.

Me: Would you sat it's been more of a mental or physical strain for the most part?

Kira: For the most part I would say mental.

Me: Why is that?

Kira: Everyday is a constant reminder of what COULD be but I live everyday to the fullest. I've learned to just enjoy life for what it is regardless of anything and for the most part, it's been working out for me.

Me: I concur. Lastly, what's something you would like to share with the readers?

Kira: ...never judge a book by its cover.

Me: Facts!

I would like to thank you (Kira) for agreeing to be interviewed and sharing your story with us, a very powerful one and an eye opener as well. She's right though, "never  judge a book by it's cover!" This is true and we all can say this but a lot of times we don't practice what we preach, I myself am guilty of this. We have no idea of what others go thru on a daily basis and to judge someone else when we don't do the same to ourselves...is criminal, but such as life.

Thank you all for reading,

@renaissance_brotha

On Instagram Straight Flexxxin

...because if you feel offended by the end of this blog, then my job is done!

Ladies, oohhh ladies...some of ya'll get on Instagram and act nuttier than squirrel sh*t! I love you ladies, really I do, but the amount of f***ery you post on a daily basis needs to stop! Now I'm fully aware that it's only a social networking site but c'mon on, ya'll not thinking before ya'll upload? Sure, you have the right to post whatever it is that you want but in the grand scheme of things...some of the things you post are for attention and that purpose only! Now in no way shape or form am I complaining but at the end of the day somethings just need to be kept in the phone and off of social media. Feel offended No offense but I just wanna know this: where does your creativity come from when you decide you wanna take a picture? No, seriously, I wanna know, like, are you watching the Bad Girls Club? Or maybe Real Housewives? Or maybeee, you just scroll thru your timeline and just get ideas of how to "one up" the next chick who decided to take a pic like the one you're about to post? Idk, but whatever the reason is, "do (claps hands) ya (claps hands) thang (claps hands) boo boo!" This is for all the IG models, "celebs", and thirst-trappin' ass females...I hope this blog not only offends you makes you laugh, but makes you delete your account or unfollow me opens your eyes as well.

Today's class is strictly about sh*t I hate to see on my timeline and the types of females who decide to post...fellas, take note and ladies, do the same:

*class is in session*

1. "I Don't Even Like This Pic Tho" Pic:
"Zammn, I mean, I don't even like the way my eyebrows look in this pic tho, ughh!! But...ima post it and see what they think!" Oh...so you don't like the pic tho huh? So why ya silly dilly ass post it in the FIRST damn place?! If you don't like it, 11/10, WE won't like (thirsty dudes/females will). Ima be forreal, think about all those stupid pics ya'll look to post but then you decide against it and then you re-decide to post...indecisive sh*t like that will get you unfollowed. Now your girls and them thirsty dudes will hit the like button but me...nah (Chief Keef voice). We as an IG community don't wanna see the pic you ain't really feeling! I have a hard enough time looking at the pic with mad different filters and you lookin like a damn lost member of the X-Men and speaking OF filter pics...

2. "Filter...#NoFilter" Pic:
Listen, I love a good filter to help alter a pic but there is no damn reason why 13 filters should be added on a pic! There's no damn reason why we should look at your pic and almost have a seizure because you got too damn much going on. Filters take a chick who look like Seal and have them looking like Rih Rih in no time! What happens if we need to repost because you go missing...them filters on allll yo damn pics and now ya family gotta use a pic from HS, sh*t don't make sense to me, that's all I'm sayin. On the other side of the coin you have a lot of you (females) who are QUICK to hashtag, #NOFilter when in reality you NEED about 232 filters on that damn pic! Don't talk about how @RealBeauty_RealEyez look when you're beauty is hurting out here. I can't appreciate ya busted ass pics, sh*t, none of us can, I just have the heart to say it. Just because you lazy in real life, don't mean you should be lazy on the Gram...I'll turn that green to blue in a heartbeat, #HashtagThat.

3. "Stop everything you're doing; feeding your child, wiping yourself, writing that paper and go follow (insert name) not now, but RIGHT NOW!" Pic:
I literally have a low tolerance for S/O's and sh*t like that, so usually I just keep scrolling, but deadass tho, it's really at an all-time high in 2013! Why should I follow your brother who just got outta jail or your homegirl who was 2,000-ish in followers and she's following 200-ish? Nah, you can keep that s/o because I ain't got time for that. Once a month or every few months, cool but every other day or every week, be prepared to get unfollowed. Ya'll girls be having some of the shallowest followers and a majority of them in real life only have 4 friends and according to them, have 232 enemies! "Stop what you're doin and follow my homegirl (insert name)! She a good look fellas and she show love and this is her 5th page...s/o to you haters!" Nah, she won't be gettin my request.

4. "Ughh, you dudes ain't yada yada yada" Pic:
*fellas, put a star next to this and pay close attention*
Ladies...first and foremost, getcha damn life! Not all dudes are "ain't sh*t" n****s/men, it's just the ones that you attract. Reposting those post about what a "n****/man is suppose to do" is complete and utter BS, real talk. IG has turned into eHarmony and a lot of you women/b*tches/girls are subscribing to the BS and in reality, ya'll ain't sh*t your damn self! Sure, there's a good majority of dudes on IG who are overly thirsty and annoying and every other word you can think of. What about the cool dudes? You know, the "nice guys" who don't trip every single time you put up a pic of you with some cleavage showing? You scoff at those dudes and entertain the other kind. This applies to all types of females, I mean, from the section 8ers to ones chasing degrees, oh no, I don't discriminate, trust and believe me (Keyshia Cole voice). Stop with the TextGram/TweeGram/Notes pic bashing dudes when you ain't right yourself. If you are single talking about, "a man is supposed to make a Queen outta a princess," or some corny ass sh*t like that, what kinda message does that send out? You know what you can do for me tho...tell me what a good WOMAN does and then maybe I'll consider reading that post.

5. "These bubbles are EVERYTHING!" Pic:
...soooo, what's the message you're tryna send by posting the bathroom tub pic? I mean, cause this is what we doing now huh? Oh...ok. How would you ladies feel if a dude posted a pic of him ass naked in the tub covered in some suds or if he had bubbles covering his privates? The jokes would be nonstop and I'm sure you would unfollow and question his sexuality (unless it was a celeb of sorts). Who cares about you and them ashy ass legs with the 5 o'clock shadow in that dirty ass water with the A'Jax bubbles? A LOT OF US DON'T CARE, let's be forreal! And then you got the nerve to use the candles that you know good and damn well you'll need next time a storm or blackout comes along. In your mind, you think it's an attempt to be sexy but to US...it's a good laugh because you're only being thirsty! Sip some of that bath water and masturbate to some old school R&B, thank you.

6. "Struggle Meal" Pic:
...if you can't cook, stay the hell out the kitchen, it's that simple. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it but a LOT of you ladies are posting pics of food and it looks like something not even a pig would digest and I mean that from the bottom of my heart! It looks like death! Your ribs look skimpy, that rice looks dry and I mean, HELLA dry, them veggies...look like they're fresh out the baby food, and then you have the nerve to put it on a plastic plate??!! I hope someone robs you of all your pots and pans or takes a huge sh*t in them and aligns them in your kitchen on the floor. Sh*t that comes already made doesn't constitute you "thrown down"...it just means you were too lazy too cook and please, don't add no damn filter either, it's sickening to say the least. Find a seat and sit yo ass ALL the way down, thanks in advance.

7. "Fine Wine *& Ashy Feet" Pic:
This...THIS (claps hands) RIGHT (claps hands) HERE (claps hands) GETS (claps hands) ON MY NERVES! I love feet, not as much as I enjoy lips but I enjoy some nice feet. Does this mean I'll go around sucking toes? No. Does this mean I'll give you a massage if your feet look right? Yes. But the underling message for number 7 is...if your feet are ugly, don't ever, and I mean EVER, post a pic of them and you drinking some cheap ass wine. Sure, I know we all can't afford the finer things like good wine or whatever, but a pedicure...nah!!! I'm the captain, lieutenant, and every damn thing else of the Petty-Pedi-Police and some of you ladies need to get your pictures flagged. I don't wanna see those bear paws, that cheap bottle of rose moscato in that mason jar, them raggedy bedsheets, and that 16' inch TV playing Scandal! Here's a tip ladies: trim those toe nails down, if you got long ass toes that look like that can be mistaken for fingers and can palm a football, don't post, and apply lotion if you're feet look ashy! And let the wine breathe! Slurping it down like it's...never mind.

8. "Yassss, #TurnUp" Pic:
When something gets too exciting or an event is too poppin', females will yell out, TURN UP! In 2013...everything is "#TurntUp/#TurnUp":
"Just got my taxes, #TurnUp!"
"Waiter just brought the food to the table, #TurnUp!"
"Just got an adoration, #TurnUp!" (yup, seen it twice since the start of the year)
"Pastor just delivered a powerful ass message, #TurnUp!"
The point of the matter is...we don't care about the #TurnUp pic lol, I mean, seriously now. Every damn pic isn't #TurntUp! You getting your degree, ok. You getting a new car or apartment, ok. You getting that new job or meeting a celeb, ok...you going out for drinks at Applebee's or getting sushi, not so much. Yup, sorry to be a kill joy, but that's just the way it is. If the party is really good like you keep saying...think about what I JUST said (I'll say it again)...If the party is good, scratch that...there's no damn way you're taking mad pics and posting them if the party is that #TurntUp! I hope somebody elbows your phone out your hand and it gets A-Town stomped on, let's see if you'll be #TurntUp then.

9. "(insert baby name) is my everything!" Pic:
Listen, because I know many will be offended by this so I say sorry in advance but...there's no need to continuously remind us that (insert child's name[s]) is your everything in one post but you're bashing the baby father in the caption. Not only is that hypocritical but it is also contradicting to say the most and it's counterproductive to say the least. Its great when your child has given you a new lease on life and it's even better when they are the reason you are now fully focused on making a better life but we as a community shouldn't be subjected to the everyday post about how much they mean the world to you, truthfully speaking. All you're doing is fishing for compliments and reassuring and that right there...that's that sh*t we don't LIKE!

and last but certainly not least

10. "lusTrappin" Pic:
You take the word "lust" and "trappin" and combine them and you get my favorite word, lusTrappin! lusTrappin is when a female intentionally post a pic exposing a lil more than the law should allow, examples: breast, nipples, nipples hard in a shirt or any form of a top, nipple rings in a shirt or any form of a top, you licking the top of your breast or your nipple or someone else's, you butt, visible camel toes, your butt in panties/jeans/a thong/g-string/sweatpants (you want us to focus on other things in the picture but the caption reads differently...opposing ideas), your vagina, someone else's vagina, your vagina in any form of bottoms, a post of something sexual but the caption paints a different picture, and everything else you can think of. The reason I saved this one for last is because in all honesty, this one is the funniest but truest one of'em all (not to take away from the others). You in your bed, looking away from the camera, "just relaxin," or "damn...I'm hungry" and your ass is all out and about. I love women and the whole nine but don't post lusty ass pics and expect dudes to just like and that's it because clearly that's your purpose, to garner attention. I will not sit here and pretend like I haven't double tapped on a few lusTrappin pics before, because I have, but don't get mad at dudes who take it a step further and comment wild crazy. "Just got them bundles innnnnn..." but clearly you forgot to put on a bra...oh. ok. Fellas, don't fall victim to the pics because before you know you'll end up leaving your number and she will screenshot it and store or...I will screenshot it and save it for my future blog about thirsty dudes like you.

Now in conclusion class, here's the take away: fellas, don't fall for the thirst traps, period! Ladies, if you are offended, I apologize but, come on, you know exactly what you're doing when you post those pics and trust and believe me, I'm not the only one who feels the same way, I'm just the one who has created a forum for me to express myself creatively and...in a hilarious but serious manner. If you're having second thoughts about posting any kinda pic, just send it to me, I won't judge, laugh maybe, not judge tho, that's me...or maybe that's what I'm doing now? Who knows, but the point of the matter is that I understand you have every right to post whatever it is you want but just be mindful. This is a serious matter and right now, some young lady is getting unfollowed and or blocked as we speak...don't be one of them.

*class dismissed*

@renaissnace_brotha

Options

Here's something you don't know about me: I have a chip tooth. One day I was walking around Flatbush with some friends (doing hood rat things) and these kids had this red and black Mongoose bike with front and back pegs. This bike folks, was sexy! I'm talking, it literally was the best thing I have ever seen in my L-I-F-E! So, I got dared to take it and...I took it and I mean, MAN, did we beat them kids UP! "You guys are gonna die once our brothers find out about this!" Fast forward, my brother sees me with the bike, I lie and say it was my friend's, my friend tells him the truth, runs away, and I get beat up by my brother. Fast forward some more, I'm riding the bike around the neighborhood and the kids we beat up roll up on me in this dirty ass Buick...when I tell you I took OFF on that bike, MAN, it felt like the wind was trying to catch up with me. I turn the corner, they blow the light, they get close and try to grab me, I brake and the car stops (skeeerrttt). I take off again (vroommmm) and now I'm taunting them, giving them the finger. I pop-a-wheelie and the car gets this close () to me, I come down hard off a corner and BAM...my front tooth smacks the front of the handle bars. Hands down one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced. Moral of the story: I kept the bike, got jumped for it and that was that.

Now what does that have to do with the following? Not a damn thing but, it made for a good laugh and now, you know a lil something about me.

But I digress...

So today's class is for the ladies, (hey ladies), and today's lesson is a real special one, so pay close attention.

*class is in session*

The good thing about being friends with a lot of different types of females is that you always get different perspectives on different types of topics, for instance: having "options". No, this doesn't mean with shoes, or a purse, or a shirt, or anything like that, but what it DOES mean is, having a guy (or two) on the "sidelines" waiting to be called into the game! And what that means is...having a bak-up plan! Yes, a back-up plan! Now before you go off and grab your phone to attack me and what not, just read this all the way thru first and THEN, hit me up...but respectfully. Before you dismiss this idea, let me ask you this:

Say you and your BF decide to break up and you need someone to talk to or you're bored and your girls are off doing their own thing and you're lonely...who do you then turn to?

Your back-up dude, that's who! When you're lonely or upset about something and your homegirls are too busy to deal with you and your recent break up and or drama so, you call on ol' Mike from the day party you met a few months back. Sure, you can't stand his behind but guess what, he's the next best thing! Most times in these situations you find yourself either with a guy you can't stand or with a guy who doesn't even deserve your time altogether. On paper, he might look as good as the LA Lakers, but in real life...he's not that great, like the LA Lakers. You're thinking, "ughh, I don't really have time for him but, I guess something better will come along eventually." You get a lil horny and next thing you know, "ugh, I don't really have time for this but better penis will come along eventually."

The back-up guy is essential. With him, you don't have to worry about rushing to be in a relationship because we all know that, "women decide relations and men decide relationships," (in most cases). This would be the time you get to rediscover yourself in a sense and get a better chance to take it easy on getting to know someone too quickly and allows you that freedom to do whatever it is that you wanna do. Think about all those times you were lonely watching tv and you wanted to cuddle but couldn't, well, the back-up dude would be there to handle those needs and wants. 

The great thing about this is, he's completely aware. The two of you have a mutual understanding and for that, things are OK between the two of you. Now if you don't believe that ladies, I want you to consider this:

A dude who gets to chill with you AND have sex but doesn't have to be burden with all the strings attached, is a happy one. He's cool, your cool, everybody's cool, but are you cool with it just being a physical thing? You better be!

With reading this, I know this is a lot to take in and I know you're now wondering: how do I even select a back-up guy? Easy actually, a lot easier than deciding an outfit for a night out on the town with the girls. Here's what you do: key it real with yourself and separate your heart, from your vagina. I say: your friends might be potential candidates. I know, I know, "oh it's a friend, I don't wanna ruin the friendship yada yada yada," bs gets said often but here's the thing to remember and KNOW: if the two of you have that strong friendship and a mutual understanding, things should pan out well for the two of you. Now I know a lot of you ladies have that one friend, or two maybe, that you flirt with but never ever thought to make him the BF and those are the ones who would be great as a back-up guy. Now these are the type of relationships that have been going on for a dew years or so. Everything is in place: trust, understanding, and comfort, ya'll ain't got no worries. 9/10 you don't have to worry about him passing any kinda judgement on you, or trying to take advantage of you, or anything like that. But wait, before you go lookin to hit up Eric the nice lips and full beard, ask yourself this:

1. Do you see yourself gettin attached this to guy? Emotionally that is.
2. If you saw him with another girl out and about, would you feel some kinda way?
3. Is he annoying and or clingy?
4. Are you attracted to him...on another level?
5. Will he feel some kinda way about you if he saw you out and about with another dude?

1. no
2. no
3. no
4. yes...
5. no

The key to getting a back-up guy is to make sure you never TELL him that will be his role. I know, you're laughing because all of this sounds like foolishness but in reality, it's really something to consider. Never have that convo with him tho, like, never (highlight that). Invite him over for some dinner and a movie or if accept his offer to come chill, joke a lil, laugh, "ha ha, you're funny," you know, real easy going. Push him a lil, flirt, be mindful of your words, the less the better. "Round the bases" or..."hit a home run". This ladies, should be done smartly and once it's done, just fall back a lil, and maintain a decent level of contact. Always and I mean ALWAYS, be mindful of what you look to discuss because bringing the wrong thing to the table can be detrimental to the friendship that you two have.

"So how do I keep a "back-up" guy when I'm already in a relationship?" - Vanessa in the front row.

Good question. If he's a friend, then the foundation of values, trust, understanding, morals, and principles should all be in place to maintain that friendship. Ya'll cool, you guys confine in each other for things, ya'll chat here and their, talk via phone, go out here and there, I mean, there are things that you guys have in common outside of being physical. The key is to not JUST get together when there's sex involved because as friends, you HAD other things in common and things to talk about before you guys got physical. I'll share this with you: you don't just call on someone when you need them in a relationship because how will that be viewed by that person? It then makes the person closed off and unwanted in a sense. The point I'm tryna make ladies is that you should keep a back-up guy. I'm not saying have sex with each and every one, but at least have options because options at a restaurant are good, outfit options are good, and "friend" options are good as well...until you decide to tie the knot.

Now class, I want you to give me at least a half of page on how you honestly feel and we will discuss this tomorrow. If you would like to write more, that's fine too.

*class dismissed*

@renaissance_brotha

So I Have This Friend: Mr. Anti-Oral pt. 2

now, for the conclusion of, "So I Have This Friend: Mr. Anti-Oral"

Me: Nope! I don't date nurses (insert laugh)
Him: Liar, but Na, I wouldn't bro.

Me: So when you DID go down, did you enjoy it any?
Him: It was cool you know, I was ready to do it and I did it and I enjoyed it but it's not my cup of tea.

Me: Who hurt you?
Him: I remember seeing my sister get pipe'd down by some dude she was talkin to and then he left and a few mins and I literally mean, a FEW mins later...her BF came over and just ate it with no problem. I had to stop playin Tekken fam, word.

Me: Yikes, but I see where you're coming from.
Him: It's all about trust to me. A man like me has to trust you enough to do it or I have to be college, white girl wasted to put my tongue inside of you.

Me: I see.
Him: And I'm not a saint either. I don't want people to read this and think that's the case...I've cheated.

Me: Well, who hasn't. So you're telling me she has to, "slob on ya knob, like corn on a cob?"
Him: Nah, nah (insert laugh) that's not the case man. A vagina is just soooo, dirty. Working in the hospital you hear and learn and SEE a lot of things and it's quite the turn off. If she gives me head, that's cool, I can go take a bird bath and rinse my joint off and be cool, not so much with her.

Me: You're a clown. You can't wash off a VD or STD son.
Him: True and I thank baby Jesus I haven't caught anything.

Me: But what about...
Him: I don't mean to cut you off but you and I are one and the same in a sense. It takes time for me to even consider doing something like that and it doesn't have to do with love either. The more questions you ask about her sexual history, the more you learn, the better you go about those kinda things.

Me: I see what you're saying.
Him: I remember having that party and seeing mad of them Howard girls use my bathroom and not use the tissue and they was touching EVERY-DAMN-THING Ant!

Me: I remember! Taye ass was rubbing Kev face!
Him: Exactly! I'll keep it real tho, I'll eat but it won't be for that long. I'm definitely not on no half hour tip...ain't nobody got time fo dat!

Me: I feel you.
Him: I'm not spending time down there when we could be doing other stuff, it's just not happening over  here. She want head, we can have a threesome, somebody who will do that because me...I'm not doing it and I don't care how that makes me sound.

Me: Ah, so in parting?
Him: Ladies, stop listening to Lil' Wayne and expecting guys to eat your vagina all types of crazy and for long periods of time because it's unrealistic. It's like the Repubs and Dems getting along...a cold day in hell before that happens.

*****

Ladies, before you attack him all crazy, I hope that you've thoroughly read and respond from a place of understanding because that would be the rational thing to do.  Also, not all guys are like him, I'm not like this, but he's not the ONLY one is what I'm tryna say. I will never knock a person's sexual preference so if you don't like one thing, we'll do another, simple as that.

Ladies, what did you think of all of this? Let me know
Fellas, can ya'll agree or are writing him off? Let me know

@renaissance_brotha

So I Have This Friend: Mr. Anti Oral

Names have been changed...

"I'm not eating no p****! I don't care HOW good she looks, I'm not doing that...but she can give me head tho."

Meet Rakeem, a mid 20 something year-old male nurse who loves volunteering at children hospitals, cooking, and going to the movies. Rakeem ALSO loves the ladies but, there's one thing he DOESN'T enjoy doing,

and that's going down town!

"When I tell you, it's one of the nastiest things a man can do, (insert head shake) I mean...I would rather get her a** out to be straight up with you."

"So I Have This Friend...who doesn't eat pu$$y"

I come to you today with a piece about a good friend of mine who is against going down on a female, let's begin.

Me: When do you find time as a nurse to even have time for women?
Him: All the time actually, you'd be surprised! I'm one of the few black men in my hospital, and I'm the youngest as well...they like that sh*t!

Me: I can imagine! So you're not apart of the "PC" crew huh?
Him: ...what?

Me: Pleasure Clit crew! Ima member of course and so it Teek, Ra, and Trey.
Him: Damn! Just put everybody on blast huh, I feel you boy, but na, (insert laugh) I'm not pleasuring no clit, vagina, nothin like that. Do I look like Weezy?

Me: Na (insert laugh) you don't bro but Weezy talks about eating it ALL the time! I always wonder if he uses his dreads on these chicks at the same time! So you're not a Lil' Wayne huh?
Him: Nope, I'm not about that life at ALL! Come on bro, you should know this.

Me: I know, I know. So tell me what you problem is.
Him: Ima proud member of the Anti-Eating Club! I don't agree with it at all...whatsoever. To be honest, I just don't agree with the idea of being between some female's legs. You can't trust these women these days...it's a dirty game. A dude who's out here eating box, 9/10 isn't safe and secure with what he has and that can apply to women too.

Me: Wait, what? Elaborate.
Him: Iight: basically, he must have a small penis or he doesn't know how to f*ck correctly.

Me: Wait, wait, waiiitttttt...you mean, a dude who's comfortable with giving head to a female, lacks the ability to have good sex?
Him: Yessir.

Me: I can't speak for all men, but for some, that might be the case you know but, idk brother. To me, going down on a woman is a normal activity. Now sure, men shouldn't be out here "slam dunkin" their tongues into every "hole" so to speak, but it's an essential duty. I'll tell you this: a female who loves to get it, won't give it AND she'll tell other females about you...you know we live in a social network world. But it's all about pleasing your partner and ima people pleaser! So, how does it usually work: do you usually tell them before hand or just swerve them in the course of sex?
Him: I'm very straight forward with them! I told this chick she would have to let me cum all over her in order for me to eat her out a...

Me: Wait, _________?
Him: Yup, she was ready to GO son! But like I was saying, I tell them and they just either accept it or they don't, simple as that. If you givin them good d***, they not worried about getting head. You know how many girls have said, "nah, ima make you eat me," and they've failed? Plenty!

Me: Keem, have you EVER done it before?
Him: Yea man, a few times. With Diane and Sharee, and to Kate, but I was wasted beyond comprehension with Kate.

Me: When did you start doing it actually?
Him: Diane had come to visit me at my school and one thing lead to another and I just ended up doing it and afterwards, I did a few more times thru the course of our relationship.

Me: What happens if a chick wanted to wait to go down on you or just didn't want to at all?
Him: That's a good ass question man. I don't know bro. And you know how these females are these days man, "he not tryna eat me but he want me to suck his d***? Nope, not me!" But I wouldn't even bother to be honest.

Me: Would you date you if you were a female?
Him: Would you?


...be sure to tune in for part 2 tomorrow.

@renaissance_brotha

Yeezy Taught Me

If you have ever listened to Kanye West's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy album then you are familiar with the skit featuring Chris Rock, "Yeezy Taught Me" but if you haven't, watch this (Yeezy Taught Me), before you even read the following.

Done? Ok,

1) Chris Rock, hands down, is one of the funniest mofo's known to (wo)man! Sure, if Kevin Hart was AS popular back then as he is now, I could see it being funny, or maybe if Katt Williams wasn't cracked up high off life, I could see him doing it but Rock was genius. And lastly 2) anytime you mix comedy with some truth and you execute it RIGHT...its bound to be enjoyable!

The skit is "based off of" the time period Kanye West and Amber Rose (current wife or maybe she's his fiancé still, idk to Wiz Khalifa) were dating. Now the BASIS of this blog isn't to focus on Amber BUT individuals LIKE her, male and female. The overall message of the skit referring to "things" Kanye or "Yeezy" has "taught" her in the course of their relationship. To be more specific, it's referring to the "qualities" you bring to the table from your previous relationship. Think about it in regards to sex, the way a person converses, cooks, cleans, dresses, and everything else in between that YOU bring with you from your past relationship. Just like experiences we've dealt with throughout our lives: ex partners, school, work, etc, the things learned in a prior relationship help shape our current one and future ones as well.

So, today class, Yeezy won't be teaching you...Anthony Renaissance Brotha will:

*class is in session*

Sex:
Sex plays a MAJOR part in a relationship, just to get that out the way now in case you start to see a pattern and wonder why I talk about sex so much in my pieces, now you know. Now regarding sex:

Fellas: you think she JUST started doing it "wit no hands" when she got with you? Hell No! And ladies; you think you're the first one he introduced to the "wheel barrel"? Ummm, noo! The last person they were with and probably the person before that told them to step their sex game up, which put them on the path to righteousnes. Some things we do in the bedroom derives from stuff done before and is now enhanced for our viewing pleasure! #Winning! So don't be soooo quick to beat up that annoying ex, instead, embrace them because you are now reaping the benefits from their lose (joking of course).

p.s. but if that new boo is sack...then you have every right to politely drop kick them! (just don't say I told you to do so)

Cookin & Cleanin:
I've been a cleaner a good majority of my life but for some dudes, they've had mommy or grandma clean up for them so when they get older, they expect their GF to do the same...nah! Your GF shouldn't have to pick up your Polo boxers and nasty ass socks and do laundry, what part of the game is that!? Some girls will, but others...not so much. That's why, if you get a guy that's WILLING to wash them Vicky's ladies, let, him, do, IT! If your comfortable with him taking them off come sex time, let him wash and fold as well and remind him...add that fabric softener too boo. As far as cooking is concerned, I started off horribly! But now, it's a different story. I know some of ya'll can't cook and that's ok that's not ok. If you're in your mid-20s and older and you can't cook basic stuff...shoot yourself! Now some of people act like cooking is the end of the world, especially females! Ladies: the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach. Now, if you don't remember nothing, remember that.

"But my boy left his girl Courtney because she couldn't cook but she was bad!!!" - Chris sitting in the back.

The reason why he left Courtney wasn't just because she couldn't cook, I'm sure it was for other things as well, but she wasn't in the kitchen cookin up a steak...bye bye bye! If you're in a serious relationship or you're married, you should know how to cook. If you weren't cooking in your last relationship, you should learn how to cook for this one, plain and simple. If you come into a relationship knowing how to cook, *thumbs up*. Make sure your partner gets that steak well done, them mashed potatoes nice, fluffy, and buttery, and that corn is nice and right! The key is to highlight your attributes.

p.s. if you seriously can't cook...just ask mom dukes to hold you down and get the food to you AHORA!

Baggage Claim:
What we tend to do is bring all problems into our new relationships which in return f***s up down the line. Sure, you've been hurt by so & so and she/he did so & so and talked to you all crazy, but that doesn't mean your NEW partner should have to deal with problems your ex put you thru. All the bags of your past, should be emptied before entering into any new form of a relationship. The point I'm making here is: the things that were negatives should be positive attributes that help the relationship instead of hindering it. I know for me I had a big problem opening up in my last relationship and now, I handle things when they arise or, I make a compromise with my partner to talk about things accordingly. And that's the key to having a successful relationship; take the old and revamp and build upon the strengths you already have...leave those bags at the door.

p.s. if you see your significant other who has a problem and they come to you with said problem, be sure to help them because most times they aren't sure on how to handle them on their own.

So what did we learn today?
That a number of us, I'm SURE, have had an ex who did us dirty or had that, "right place, wrong time" person or that "friend-who-just-wasn't-meant-to-be-more-than-a-friend" experience or that "summer fling". But one thing I remembered was that past relationships give you a new sense of self and a different perspective as well. Because of the bad relationships, I was able to overcome; it opened not only my eyes, but my mind to the tom-foolery that occurs. They have also taught me what I did wrong with women and how I needed to change to truly be a better (breed) of man (pun intended) and how to stop "boy-like" behavior. There's a time to be a man and there's a time for everything else...learn that fellas, remember what "she" taught you and I'm sure you will be fine. Ladies; be the woman that your mother would want you to be and learn how to pick your battles with men and why because most times...emotions are usually the deciding factor when you DO look to hold a guy accountable.

Remember what your "Yeezy taught you" and you will fait well in life,

*class dismissed*

@renaissance_brotha

Tuuh...Like You Know What I Want

Me: "I know what women want, and it's not that basic mess ya'll post on Instagram and or Facebook, or retweet on Twitter...it goes much deeper than that, trust!"
Female friend: "Oh yea? So you really think you're Steve Harvey huh? Tuuh, you're not Ant, you don't have a clue at all, as what it is that women WANT!"
Me: "No I don't think I'm Steve Harvey..he's bald and warm brown, I'm..."
Female friend: "Wait wait wait, did you just say he was warm brown tho? (chuckle) I'm sorry but that was..."
Me: "I don't mean to cut you off but, I don't think I'm Steve Harvey...well, then again, a lil bit."
Female friend: "Maybe you should do a blog on that and see how it goes. I guarantee you're off."

So, here's the thing: what DO women want?

I'm 25 20-somethin, and in the course of my dating career I've had a lot of ups and downs all of which have helped me get a basic sense of what it is that women want. I've had a lot of conversations with women in college to women who've been married for decades! Out of all those conversations I've learned this:

1) women do NOT like questions!
and
2) ...men need to be more attentive when it comes to the basics of dealing with women in general.

So, today's class will be all about: what a woman wants. Pay attention, save all questions till afterwards, but most importantly...take notes fellas!

*class is in session*

1) S-E-XXXXX:
And I'm not talking about sex here and there, I'm talking sex on a consistent basis! Here's the thing: MOST SOME women enjoy sex just as much as any man, hell, if not more! I'm willing to bet your homegirls probably enjoy it waaaay more than you (I know a lot of mine do). The key is to keep the sex interesting and good, if not great. Don't just penetrate in those boring positions, add some spice to it! Lay her on her back and put her legs on your shoulders and stroke her fast and slow and run your tongue around her nipples...women love the nipple foreplay. Also, DON'T BE AFRAID TO GO DOWNTOWN! Also, surprise her with breakfast in bed and even give her some oral while she's eating: breakfast in bed=breakfast and head! #Winning

2) Be A Support System:
One of the things some of us men let fall by the waistline is not being a support system to the one we love. Without a doubt, a woman wants to KNOW that if she had a dream about quitting her job that she hates so much and goes into work that same day and quits, no matter how irrational it might seem at the moment, she wants to know that you'll be there to support her decision and her actions thereafter. Corny as this may sound but, "teamwork will make the dream work" more times than none! Reassuring her that you have her back and that you will defend her when it is necessary...goes a long way. Like a NBA basketball team has cheerleaders, women need to know and FEEL that she is being supported no matter what.

3) "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T Do You Know What That Means!?":
Yup, Beyonce, Kelly, & Solange Michelle sang it best, "all the la-dies, who indepen-dent! Throw your hands up...somewhere" idk, anywho, women run sh*t! I mean, I know A LOT of women who get things done without the help of any man and to me, that's sexy! In order for a relationship to be successful (and this is just my opinion) you have to be a lil selfish, in order to to be selfless. What that means is: a woman must first love and honor and be able to take care of herself before she can take care of her man...because what good is it if you try to teach your man to cook and you can't even toast some bread. If she wants to plan things for the two of you to do, allow her to do so. If she asks for your input, input, otherwise, let her be. Point being: she needs space to be who she is and like the old saying goes, "behind every good man, there's a good woman."

4) "L-O-V-E-E-E-E and Affection":
Thanks to Steve Harvey and his Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man book, women have become more and more emotionless but honestly...it's all a defense mechanism. It doesn't matter how bad she's been hurt by her past; all she really wants is some love and affection at the end of the day. Someone who won't give up on her (that goes back to #2) and someone who will hug her even, at times she doesn't even need a hug and she has her guard/wall up. That right there will help bring that guard down. Forms of affection: hugs, kisses to different parts of her body (cheeks, lips, nose, forehead, neck, hell, even her stretch marks), cuddling/spooning, flowers, and even a massage...shoulder or a foot massage are usually the best forms.

5) Babe...You're Beautiful:
And it doesn't even have to necessarily be beautiful, it can be any other variation of the word, just as long as it comes from you. This is a huge and I mean a HUGE deal! (put a star next to this). Ask any female in your family and I'm sure they will agree that compliments are key in any relationship/marriage! Annddd, what you WON'T do...yea, I'm sure you know the rest of that statement.

6) Good Ol' QT:
Quality timeeee, she just want some quality timeeee! Sure, hangin' out with her girls is fun, but spending time with you...it means THAT much more to her. With school and or work or even if she has children, getting the chance to spend time with you and just you means more than any text message or FaceTime or phone call ya'll can have. It's important for couples to spend face to face tome together to help with the times you guys DON'T get see each other. The more time you spend together, the more memories, the better connection and I'm speaking from experience. Spending time is an indicator that you really DO care and she's not just any ol' girl.

and last but not least,

7) ...You Are Appreciated:
There's nobody on the face of this Earth that doesn't want to be appreciated! Hell, I know I do, and the way you guys do that is...by telling everybody about this blogspot lol.

Joking (but not really)

Admiration for your girl goes a long way as well. If she's doing good in school, let her know. If she tried her hardest to cook a meal that you particularly like, but didn't do such a great job like mama do, praise her nonetheless. Let her know that you appreciate her for all that she does for you and for the relationship because sacrifices were made, and those have helped shape the relationship into what it is today. Mostly importantly before I concluded...let her know you're proud of her, period, point, blank! (underline and circle that last sentence).

Now in conclusion, the list was basic BUT, it will help you in your relationship. Take heed to what was said and apply them and you will be a better man for it.

Any feedback, please feel free.

*class dismissed*

@renaissance_brotha