Ladies, oohhh ladies...some of ya'll get on Instagram and act nuttier than squirrel sh*t! I love you ladies, really I do, but the amount of f***ery you post on a daily basis needs to stop! Now I'm fully aware that it's only a social networking site but c'mon on, ya'll not thinking before ya'll upload? Sure, you have the right to post whatever it is that you want but in the grand scheme of things...some of the things you post are for attention and that purpose only! Now in no way shape or form am I complaining but at the end of the day somethings just need to be kept in the phone and off of social media.
Today's class is strictly about sh*t I hate to see on my timeline and the types of females who decide to post...fellas, take note and ladies, do the same:
*class is in session*
1. "I Don't Even Like This Pic Tho" Pic:
"Zammn, I mean, I don't even like the way my eyebrows look in this pic tho, ughh!! But...ima post it and see what they think!" Oh...so you don't like the pic tho huh? So why ya silly dilly ass post it in the FIRST damn place?! If you don't like it, 11/10, WE won't like (thirsty dudes/females will). Ima be forreal, think about all those stupid pics ya'll look to post but then you decide against it and then you re-decide to post...indecisive sh*t like that will get you unfollowed. Now your girls and them thirsty dudes will hit the like button but me...nah (Chief Keef voice). We as an IG community don't wanna see the pic you ain't really feeling! I have a hard enough time looking at the pic with mad different filters and you lookin like a damn lost member of the X-Men and speaking OF filter pics...
2. "Filter...#NoFilter" Pic:
Listen, I love a good filter to help alter a pic but there is no damn reason why 13 filters should be added on a pic! There's no damn reason why we should look at your pic and almost have a seizure because you got too damn much going on. Filters take a chick who look like Seal and have them looking like Rih Rih in no time! What happens if we need to repost because you go missing...them filters on allll yo damn pics and now ya family gotta use a pic from HS, sh*t don't make sense to me, that's all I'm sayin. On the other side of the coin you have a lot of you (females) who are QUICK to hashtag, #NOFilter when in reality you NEED about 232 filters on that damn pic! Don't talk about how @RealBeauty_RealEyez look when you're beauty is hurting out here. I can't appreciate ya busted ass pics, sh*t, none of us can, I just have the heart to say it. Just because you lazy in real life, don't mean you should be lazy on the Gram...I'll turn that green to blue in a heartbeat, #HashtagThat.
3. "Stop everything you're doing; feeding your child, wiping yourself, writing that paper and go follow (insert name) not now, but RIGHT NOW!" Pic:
I literally have a low tolerance for S/O's and sh*t like that, so usually I just keep scrolling, but deadass tho, it's really at an all-time high in 2013! Why should I follow your brother who just got outta jail or your homegirl who was 2,000-ish in followers and she's following 200-ish? Nah, you can keep that s/o because I ain't got time for that. Once a month or every few months, cool but every other day or every week, be prepared to get unfollowed. Ya'll girls be having some of the shallowest followers and a majority of them in real life only have 4 friends and according to them, have 232 enemies! "Stop what you're doin and follow my homegirl (insert name)! She a good look fellas and she show love and this is her 5th page...s/o to you haters!" Nah, she won't be gettin my request.
4. "Ughh, you dudes ain't yada yada yada" Pic:
*fellas, put a star next to this and pay close attention*
Ladies...first and foremost, getcha damn life! Not all dudes are "ain't sh*t" n****s/men, it's just the ones that you attract. Reposting those post about what a "n****/man is suppose to do" is complete and utter BS, real talk. IG has turned into eHarmony and a lot of you women/b*tches/girls are subscribing to the BS and in reality, ya'll ain't sh*t your damn self! Sure, there's a good majority of dudes on IG who are overly thirsty and annoying and every other word you can think of. What about the cool dudes? You know, the "nice guys" who don't trip every single time you put up a pic of you with some cleavage showing? You scoff at those dudes and entertain the other kind. This applies to all types of females, I mean, from the section 8ers to ones chasing degrees, oh no, I don't discriminate, trust and believe me (Keyshia Cole voice). Stop with the TextGram/TweeGram/Notes pic bashing dudes when you ain't right yourself. If you are single talking about, "a man is supposed to make a Queen outta a princess," or some corny ass sh*t like that, what kinda message does that send out? You know what you can do for me tho...tell me what a good WOMAN does and then maybe I'll consider reading that post.
5. "These bubbles are EVERYTHING!" Pic:
...soooo, what's the message you're tryna send by posting the bathroom tub pic? I mean, cause this is what we doing now huh? Oh...ok. How would you ladies feel if a dude posted a pic of him ass naked in the tub covered in some suds or if he had bubbles covering his privates? The jokes would be nonstop and I'm sure you would unfollow and question his sexuality (unless it was a celeb of sorts). Who cares about you and them ashy ass legs with the 5 o'clock shadow in that dirty ass water with the A'Jax bubbles? A LOT OF US DON'T CARE, let's be forreal! And then you got the nerve to use the candles that you know good and damn well you'll need next time a storm or blackout comes along. In your mind, you think it's an attempt to be sexy but to US...it's a good laugh because you're only being thirsty! Sip some of that bath water and masturbate to some old school R&B, thank you.
6. "Struggle Meal" Pic:
...if you can't cook, stay the hell out the kitchen, it's that simple. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it but a LOT of you ladies are posting pics of food and it looks like something not even a pig would digest and I mean that from the bottom of my heart! It looks like death! Your ribs look skimpy, that rice looks dry and I mean, HELLA dry, them veggies...look like they're fresh out the baby food, and then you have the nerve to put it on a plastic plate??!! I hope someone robs you of all your pots and pans or takes a huge sh*t in them and aligns them in your kitchen on the floor. Sh*t that comes already made doesn't constitute you "thrown down"...it just means you were too lazy too cook and please, don't add no damn filter either, it's sickening to say the least. Find a seat and sit yo ass ALL the way down, thanks in advance.
7. "Fine Wine *& Ashy Feet" Pic:
This...THIS (claps hands) RIGHT (claps hands) HERE (claps hands) GETS (claps hands) ON MY NERVES! I love feet, not as much as I enjoy lips but I enjoy some nice feet. Does this mean I'll go around sucking toes? No. Does this mean I'll give you a massage if your feet look right? Yes. But the underling message for number 7 is...if your feet are ugly, don't ever, and I mean EVER, post a pic of them and you drinking some cheap ass wine. Sure, I know we all can't afford the finer things like good wine or whatever, but a pedicure...nah!!! I'm the captain, lieutenant, and every damn thing else of the Petty-Pedi-Police and some of you ladies need to get your pictures flagged. I don't wanna see those bear paws, that cheap bottle of rose moscato in that mason jar, them raggedy bedsheets, and that 16' inch TV playing Scandal! Here's a tip ladies: trim those toe nails down, if you got long ass toes that look like that can be mistaken for fingers and can palm a football, don't post, and apply lotion if you're feet look ashy! And let the wine breathe! Slurping it down like it's...never mind.
8. "Yassss, #TurnUp" Pic:
When something gets too exciting or an event is too poppin', females will yell out, TURN UP! In 2013...everything is "#TurntUp/#TurnUp":
"Just got my taxes, #TurnUp!"
"Waiter just brought the food to the table, #TurnUp!"
"Just got an adoration, #TurnUp!" (yup, seen it twice since the start of the year)
"Pastor just delivered a powerful ass message, #TurnUp!"
The point of the matter is...we don't care about the #TurnUp pic lol, I mean, seriously now. Every damn pic isn't #TurntUp! You getting your degree, ok. You getting a new car or apartment, ok. You getting that new job or meeting a celeb, ok...you going out for drinks at Applebee's or getting sushi, not so much. Yup, sorry to be a kill joy, but that's just the way it is. If the party is really good like you keep saying...think about what I JUST said (I'll say it again)...If the party is good, scratch that...there's no damn way you're taking mad pics and posting them if the party is that #TurntUp! I hope somebody elbows your phone out your hand and it gets A-Town stomped on, let's see if you'll be #TurntUp then.
9. "(insert baby name) is my everything!" Pic:
Listen, because I know many will be offended by this so I say sorry in advance but...there's no need to continuously remind us that (insert child's name[s]) is your everything in one post but you're bashing the baby father in the caption. Not only is that hypocritical but it is also contradicting to say the most and it's counterproductive to say the least. Its great when your child has given you a new lease on life and it's even better when they are the reason you are now fully focused on making a better life but we as a community shouldn't be subjected to the everyday post about how much they mean the world to you, truthfully speaking. All you're doing is fishing for compliments and reassuring and that right there...that's that sh*t we don't LIKE!
and last but certainly not least
10. "lusTrappin" Pic:
You take the word "lust" and "trappin" and combine them and you get my favorite word, lusTrappin! lusTrappin is when a female intentionally post a pic exposing a lil more than the law should allow, examples: breast, nipples, nipples hard in a shirt or any form of a top, nipple rings in a shirt or any form of a top, you licking the top of your breast or your nipple or someone else's, you butt, visible camel toes, your butt in panties/jeans/a thong/g-string/sweatpants (you want us to focus on other things in the picture but the caption reads differently...opposing ideas), your vagina, someone else's vagina, your vagina in any form of bottoms, a post of something sexual but the caption paints a different picture, and everything else you can think of. The reason I saved this one for last is because in all honesty, this one is the funniest but truest one of'em all (not to take away from the others). You in your bed, looking away from the camera, "just relaxin," or "damn...I'm hungry" and your ass is all out and about. I love women and the whole nine but don't post lusty ass pics and expect dudes to just like and that's it because clearly that's your purpose, to garner attention. I will not sit here and pretend like I haven't double tapped on a few lusTrappin pics before, because I have, but don't get mad at dudes who take it a step further and comment wild crazy. "Just got them bundles innnnnn..." but clearly you forgot to put on a bra...oh. ok. Fellas, don't fall victim to the pics because before you know you'll end up leaving your number and she will screenshot it and store or...I will screenshot it and save it for my future blog about thirsty dudes like you.
Now in conclusion class, here's the take away: fellas, don't fall for the thirst traps, period! Ladies, if you are offended, I apologize but, come on, you know exactly what you're doing when you post those pics and trust and believe me, I'm not the only one who feels the same way, I'm just the one who has created a forum for me to express myself creatively and...in a hilarious but serious manner. If you're having second thoughts about posting any kinda pic, just send it to me, I won't judge, laugh maybe, not judge tho, that's me...or maybe that's what I'm doing now? Who knows, but the point of the matter is that I understand you have every right to post whatever it is you want but just be mindful. This is a serious matter and right now, some young lady is getting unfollowed and or blocked as we speak...don't be one of them.
*class dismissed*
@renaissnace_brotha
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