Options

Here's something you don't know about me: I have a chip tooth. One day I was walking around Flatbush with some friends (doing hood rat things) and these kids had this red and black Mongoose bike with front and back pegs. This bike folks, was sexy! I'm talking, it literally was the best thing I have ever seen in my L-I-F-E! So, I got dared to take it and...I took it and I mean, MAN, did we beat them kids UP! "You guys are gonna die once our brothers find out about this!" Fast forward, my brother sees me with the bike, I lie and say it was my friend's, my friend tells him the truth, runs away, and I get beat up by my brother. Fast forward some more, I'm riding the bike around the neighborhood and the kids we beat up roll up on me in this dirty ass Buick...when I tell you I took OFF on that bike, MAN, it felt like the wind was trying to catch up with me. I turn the corner, they blow the light, they get close and try to grab me, I brake and the car stops (skeeerrttt). I take off again (vroommmm) and now I'm taunting them, giving them the finger. I pop-a-wheelie and the car gets this close () to me, I come down hard off a corner and BAM...my front tooth smacks the front of the handle bars. Hands down one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced. Moral of the story: I kept the bike, got jumped for it and that was that.

Now what does that have to do with the following? Not a damn thing but, it made for a good laugh and now, you know a lil something about me.

But I digress...

So today's class is for the ladies, (hey ladies), and today's lesson is a real special one, so pay close attention.

*class is in session*

The good thing about being friends with a lot of different types of females is that you always get different perspectives on different types of topics, for instance: having "options". No, this doesn't mean with shoes, or a purse, or a shirt, or anything like that, but what it DOES mean is, having a guy (or two) on the "sidelines" waiting to be called into the game! And what that means is...having a bak-up plan! Yes, a back-up plan! Now before you go off and grab your phone to attack me and what not, just read this all the way thru first and THEN, hit me up...but respectfully. Before you dismiss this idea, let me ask you this:

Say you and your BF decide to break up and you need someone to talk to or you're bored and your girls are off doing their own thing and you're lonely...who do you then turn to?

Your back-up dude, that's who! When you're lonely or upset about something and your homegirls are too busy to deal with you and your recent break up and or drama so, you call on ol' Mike from the day party you met a few months back. Sure, you can't stand his behind but guess what, he's the next best thing! Most times in these situations you find yourself either with a guy you can't stand or with a guy who doesn't even deserve your time altogether. On paper, he might look as good as the LA Lakers, but in real life...he's not that great, like the LA Lakers. You're thinking, "ughh, I don't really have time for him but, I guess something better will come along eventually." You get a lil horny and next thing you know, "ugh, I don't really have time for this but better penis will come along eventually."

The back-up guy is essential. With him, you don't have to worry about rushing to be in a relationship because we all know that, "women decide relations and men decide relationships," (in most cases). This would be the time you get to rediscover yourself in a sense and get a better chance to take it easy on getting to know someone too quickly and allows you that freedom to do whatever it is that you wanna do. Think about all those times you were lonely watching tv and you wanted to cuddle but couldn't, well, the back-up dude would be there to handle those needs and wants. 

The great thing about this is, he's completely aware. The two of you have a mutual understanding and for that, things are OK between the two of you. Now if you don't believe that ladies, I want you to consider this:

A dude who gets to chill with you AND have sex but doesn't have to be burden with all the strings attached, is a happy one. He's cool, your cool, everybody's cool, but are you cool with it just being a physical thing? You better be!

With reading this, I know this is a lot to take in and I know you're now wondering: how do I even select a back-up guy? Easy actually, a lot easier than deciding an outfit for a night out on the town with the girls. Here's what you do: key it real with yourself and separate your heart, from your vagina. I say: your friends might be potential candidates. I know, I know, "oh it's a friend, I don't wanna ruin the friendship yada yada yada," bs gets said often but here's the thing to remember and KNOW: if the two of you have that strong friendship and a mutual understanding, things should pan out well for the two of you. Now I know a lot of you ladies have that one friend, or two maybe, that you flirt with but never ever thought to make him the BF and those are the ones who would be great as a back-up guy. Now these are the type of relationships that have been going on for a dew years or so. Everything is in place: trust, understanding, and comfort, ya'll ain't got no worries. 9/10 you don't have to worry about him passing any kinda judgement on you, or trying to take advantage of you, or anything like that. But wait, before you go lookin to hit up Eric the nice lips and full beard, ask yourself this:

1. Do you see yourself gettin attached this to guy? Emotionally that is.
2. If you saw him with another girl out and about, would you feel some kinda way?
3. Is he annoying and or clingy?
4. Are you attracted to him...on another level?
5. Will he feel some kinda way about you if he saw you out and about with another dude?

1. no
2. no
3. no
4. yes...
5. no

The key to getting a back-up guy is to make sure you never TELL him that will be his role. I know, you're laughing because all of this sounds like foolishness but in reality, it's really something to consider. Never have that convo with him tho, like, never (highlight that). Invite him over for some dinner and a movie or if accept his offer to come chill, joke a lil, laugh, "ha ha, you're funny," you know, real easy going. Push him a lil, flirt, be mindful of your words, the less the better. "Round the bases" or..."hit a home run". This ladies, should be done smartly and once it's done, just fall back a lil, and maintain a decent level of contact. Always and I mean ALWAYS, be mindful of what you look to discuss because bringing the wrong thing to the table can be detrimental to the friendship that you two have.

"So how do I keep a "back-up" guy when I'm already in a relationship?" - Vanessa in the front row.

Good question. If he's a friend, then the foundation of values, trust, understanding, morals, and principles should all be in place to maintain that friendship. Ya'll cool, you guys confine in each other for things, ya'll chat here and their, talk via phone, go out here and there, I mean, there are things that you guys have in common outside of being physical. The key is to not JUST get together when there's sex involved because as friends, you HAD other things in common and things to talk about before you guys got physical. I'll share this with you: you don't just call on someone when you need them in a relationship because how will that be viewed by that person? It then makes the person closed off and unwanted in a sense. The point I'm tryna make ladies is that you should keep a back-up guy. I'm not saying have sex with each and every one, but at least have options because options at a restaurant are good, outfit options are good, and "friend" options are good as well...until you decide to tie the knot.

Now class, I want you to give me at least a half of page on how you honestly feel and we will discuss this tomorrow. If you would like to write more, that's fine too.

*class dismissed*

@renaissance_brotha