Make It Nasty

*Warning: the following content is intended for MATURE audiences only*

*Viewers discretion is advised* 

It's almost 2014 and men are STILL acting like pleasuring a woman down below is the equivalent to catching cooties! Fellas, I understand you don't want to be clowned by your homeboys but what you really don't want is one OF your homeboys doing some sh*t you ain't have the time for: e.g. eating your woman out. If you think, RIGHT NOW, some dude on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram, ain't pressuring your woman, to let him come over or vice versa, so he can watch Redbox movies eat your woman's vagina...you are sadly mistaken.

Maybe it's because you still ain't learn from Eat One, Teach One, pt. 1 or maybe it's because you're stuck on stupid or maybe it's because you're more concerned with your NBA/NFL fantasy team, to even bother with going down town and sending your woman to work happier than a kid on Christmas! Whatever your rationale is, I assure you, THIS piece right here, will help you out come sex time...period.

*class is in session*

The idea of part 2 is to make sure you as man, do everything in your powers, to insure a night/morning/afternoon of pure bliss...

and just be a down right freak!!!

Listen, if you're a family member or anything else along those lines...cut your loses now, stop reading, and get ready for Scandal

...because I'm bout to say some sh*t, that'll f*** your perception of me.

Eat It From The Back:

A lot of men are afraid to eat it from the back because the anus is pretty much RIGHT, THERE! Listen, if you're an adult, you should KNOW where that hole is; so don't get behind her and lick all crazy or 8/10 your tongue WILL enter that hole. There isn't a woman alive who doesn't like her p**** ate from the back! Here's what you do fellas: have her come over to you and say some sh*t like, "damn babe, your butt looks bigger (smaller), what you been doing?". This will prompt her to turn around and have her ass in your face. Now, unless she's on her period, I say, just do some sneak sh*t like, idk, start pulling down her- whatever she's wearing and start kissing her ass...men like kissing ass. Bend her over, gently, and if she's wearing panties, pull them suckas to the side, if not, just stick your tongue in, slowwwly. The spontaneity mixed with the pleasure will not only have have her wet, but, cummin' like crazy! Tell her to look back at you while you're eating it...women love lookin' back at it. Your goal is to make sure your sucking on those lips and licking that clit, like it's a cup or pudding or jell-o or whatever it is, that you like.

Let Her Ride Your Face:

This is my personal favorite, why? Because there's nothing like a woman who THINKS she's in control when in reality...she isn't. Some men don't like this sh*t but will two-step they ass out the shower and Electric Slide their penis, into the mouth of their sleeping partner. Aside from rocking a beard; a woman's vagina is one of the sexiest things a man could have on his face. Y'all chillen', layin' around and she get that "itch", don't go down to her, tell her to come up to you! Whisper in her ear, "bae, put that p****, on my face! (Kevin Hart voice)". You know how quick she'll hop on your face? The goal is to make sure she's relaxed, why? Because if she's stiff, her weight will f*** things up and if you thought Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown ass ain't no know how to breathe with no air...yo ass will surely soon find out! Take your time tho. Grab her ass, palm it, smack it, grab her breast, hell, rub your fingers over her wetness, dip'em in your mouth, and play with her nipples, while grabbing on her ass, while eating her out, AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! Your goal is to make her cum so you can slurp all them juices out and if that don't work...

Use a Toy:

Some of you dudes will read this and think, "yo that's gay!". Everything ain't for everybody, I understand that. I also understand that, sometimes, you gotta do a lil' extra and be willing to spice sh*t up. You know how that white guy was looking for something to make his "party pop off" in that Beats Blue Pill commercial? Same applies to sex: use one of her toys (or suggest that she buy one), so that y'all "party" pops off! You can use a dildo, rabbit, or a vibrator to help assist you eat the p****, pick your poison. I'm not telling you to use this as a crutch nor am I suggesting you use one on every girl your encounter (unless they all happen to like that s***) nor am I suggesting that YOU BUY ONE but if you have a long time GF or you're married, I say: fu** it, throw ambition to the wind and get it poppin! If you use a vibrator for instance: allow the vibrator to stimulate her clit, while your tongue, works her insides. A dildo can be used to penetrate her WHILE you work on her clit. Lastly, a rabbit...a rabbit usually has dual capabilities, so, the two of you (toy and tongue) can switch off periodically. Hell, you can even let her suck on the dildo, if you want or "toss her salad" and let the dildo penetrate her vagina and speaking of "tossin her salad"...

Lamborghini Her Doors:

You know how the doors go up on a Lamborghini, that's how her legs should go up when you're tossing her salad. I know y'all like, "whaaatttt!?!?" but let me tell you:

she (claps hands) will (claps hands) go (claps hands) f***in (claps hands) crazy (claps hands) when you stick (claps hands) your (claps hands) tongue (claps hands) in her ass!

It's not for everybody, I understand that. Some women enjoy it, not all the time...but they enjoy it. Before you even consider doing it men:

MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS CLEAN!

(same goes for the kitty cat)

I'm not an ass eating specialist but I know if you start eating her out and wet your index finger up and slide it in her "tunnel of love" and then roll your tongue upwards and then use two other fingers to pleasure her...s**t will get real!

Get on Your Knees:

"You got a job, you got degrees/but so wat playa, get on yo kneeeess!" (In my Khia voice...you know, the chick from "My Neck, My Back").

Ima keep it alll the way real on this one: when you're on your knees and she's just looking at you, look her dead in the eye and keep doing what you're doing! Women love to have a submissive (and aggressive) guy when it comes down to sex. The submissiveness comes from you being on your knees, giving her all your attention. The aggressiveness comes from when your eating her and talking sh*t to her at the same time,

"You like that shit right?!"

"Hold dem legs, HOLD DEM LEGS!"

"Put ya hand on the back of my head!"

"Push me deeper in that s***!"

You know, shit like that. Women like when you take charge fellas. The goal is to make her cum to the point where her legs shake and she's just cursing you out,

"You ain't shit, you know that!! I was suppose to go out to the club!"

Oh no b****, you ain't goin nowhere!

Not all men are into eating p**** but to the ones who are; I salute you! Now that I think about it, some of you dudes need to read this one and part 1 because you might THINK you're doing something...but you're not. If you expect a woman to put her mouth...on and or around your penis, you should most definitely, put your tongue and lips...in and or around her vagina. The key is to keep her thinking, "is he going suck for x amount mins? Is he gonna lick my clit in circles or up and down?". Keep her on her toes! Use them fingers and spread them lips apart while you let her suck on your other fingers. Suck on her clit, but not too hard. Mix up your licking speeds. Nibble on her clit as well, but make sure you don't Vampire Diaries/True Blood her p****! Make, love, to, her, vagina, fellas; she'll appreciate it, as well as her vagina. Pin her ass on the bed and put her legs back and start from her naval and work your way down...

Never mind.

@renaissance_brotha_

On Instagram STILL Flexxxin, pt. 2

If you thought the last one was offensive...just wait till you read this one!

*class is in session*

I advise you (if you haven't already done so) to go read "On Instagram Straight Flexxxin" before you even consider reading this piece, THIS way...you can keep up a very high level of laughter.

Ladies, it's almost the end of the year and since the last time we met the f***ery level was high but not, the f***ery level is at an all TIME high and I ain't happy. So, with THAT being said,

Let's begin shall we

"#LostFootage, #LateUpload, #OldToMeNewToYou" Pic:
Seeing these hashtags make my balls itch. Lost footage? That sh*t been in your phone since last-damn-week and you ain't wanna upload it after ladies night for whatever reason and now we have to be subjected to this f***ery?! Spare me.

*whiny female voice*
"#LostFootage from ladies night (insert emojis). We was too turnt uuup!"

Ughh, I wish your phone turnt up missing! All you gon do is add a filter on that s*** and either

A) keep it up, if it gets over 20+ likes in 5 minutes or
B) delete it, if it doesnt

Also, the #OldToMeNewToYou and #LateUpload hashtag/pic, #KillThatSh_tLadies. Keep that old pic in your phone! You looked like Miley Cyrus for Halloween and you wanna post it now? B****, Halloween was last damn month! You're better off posting a pic from Thanksgiving!

"Nipps & Cleav" Pic:
Allow me to play good cop/bad cop here for a min: YES, I love women and their assets, especially a woman with some nice ass nipple rings but what I don't like is (and I'm sure Chief Keef will agree with me on this)...

women who DO IT and get mad at the attention it garners!

YES, you're gonna get attention from dudes (and women who swing that way) whenever you post a pic like that. YES, you're "thirst trappin" and YES, men WILL be on one of your old pics, asking if you're single and leaving everything from a thematic essay to a number, pager, or P.O. box info on it. If you don't like the "thirst" that comes along with posting a pic like,

"my lips look on POINT!"
but
*all I see is the breast, all I, all I see is breast* (Rih Rih voice)*

put a halt on that: nipple (ring) pressed hard against the wife beater/t-shirt, cleavage looking like two scoops of skin toned ice cream pic then. Always remember ladies: if you trap them...the thirst will come!

"The Selfie" Pic:
This selfie overload s*** has become a lil' too much. I know it's only Instagram and the following will totally contradict the prior of what I JUST said but a selfie every other post is annoying! Selfie in the car, selfie on the toilet, selfie at church, selfie in class, selfie on the plane, selfie at work, selfie when you're bored, selfie when you're bored at work or school, selfie while you're drinking, selfie when you're performing oral, selfie in the shower, selfie in that dirty ass mirror that ain't been clean since Obama first took office, selfie from when you graduated pre-k, selfie at your grandmother's funeral, selfie at the doctor's office, selfie when your "him" doesn't call/text/double tap/email/FaceTime you, sel...you get my point. I enjoy a good selfie just as much as the next self absorbed IG account holder but selfie addiction is no laughing matter. Addiction to selfies can f*** up your friends, your HEALTH, and scary enough, your money...it's a disease ladies.


YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY A PAGE FULL OF SELFIES LOOK!








"WCW for today is...me, duuh!" Pic:
For those who are out of the loop and don't know what WCW stands for and the significance of it (or lack thereof), allow me to be a jackass help you out, just a lil:

WC/WCW = woman crush/woman crush Wednesday.
Significance: to highlight a woman who is a crush, of importance in your life, or hell, even your bestie, e.g. Halle Berry, @eyes2pretti2cry__, or your mom.

B****, we already get a thousand selfies of you a day and now on Wednesdays I gotta see recycled pics of you as your OWN woman crush!!! F*** outta here with that Dorian Gray s***!

*pic of self*
"Of COURSE I'm my own WCW...duuh! With school, work, dating, bills, weave rotations, cooking, #TURNINUPPPPP, being blessed n not chasing NO MAN, WCW belongs to me (insert kissy face emojis)."

Listen, ima tell you what other dudes think when they see this s***; sh*t is wack b and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I understand you're a woman who works hard but, I thought the purpose of the day was to highlight a crush, not yourself...but I could be wrong.

Videos:
Ever since Instagram gave us the option to upload a 15 second video of whateverness...sh*t has been crazy! Ima fan of the twerk videos, hell, ima man, but the annoying ass females who can't twerk depress my penis something awful! I click on the video to see ass bouncing and I see nothing but headdddd, shoulders, knees and bones, (knees and bones) moving! Or the females who believe its cool to drive and record a video like car crashes aren't real! B****, save your singing for the shower and spare us the fact that you're sitting in traffic. Oh, ohhhhh, and let me not forget about the ones who start the video with, "hiii Instagram!!" anytime you hear that s***, you KNOW the video is about to be about bull AND s***! And lastly, let me not leave out the ones who post videos of themselves duck lippin, play in their hair, showing us mad different angles, but...not, saying, a, f***in word! Half of you ladies will read this and be like "sooo, I love postin videos, I'll never let it go!". Give us a break, looking like a damn mime n's***! Post a video of you taking a test, getting some work done, or cleaning your mirror that you utilize for every damn full body selfie.

And speaking of mirrors...

"Bathroom & Dressing room" Pic:
"Quick bathroom flick...women love bathroom flicks!". No they don't, well, sh*t, I hope not. To all you ladies taking bathroom & fitting room pics, answer these right quick:

• are you actually trying on anything?
• if you are, are you actually buying the item(s) or anything else from that store?
• do you feel weird knowing you're taking a bunch of damn pics & not purchasing a damn thing?!
• do you use the bathroom before or after you take like 10+ pics to post before you actually get it right?
• if you use the bathroom...do you wash your hands before taking the pic?
• when deciding on takin a bathroom pic: do you wait for it to clear it out or do you wait until someone JUST gets into the stall?
• do you take these pics b/c their mirror is cleaner there, vs. your house?

If you answered yes to 80% of the questions, I'm sorry to inform you but: you're a THOT! Urbandictionary what a THOT is, if you are unfamiliar.

You SEE how clean that mirror is ladies...you wish yours was that damn clean on a GREAT day!












"Ughh, he so thirsty" Pic:
The world we live in where any female will waste their energy and time on posting exposing, men/n*ggas because they give them a compliment on an old pic, via Twitter DM, FB inbox,thru text, or wherever, when its TOO much. Now, I will admit, some guys do go way over the top with their s*** like below for instance,











THIS is the sh*t females get and I hate it because now I can't text nothing close to this, without having to be put in a damn "thirst" category. But the ones who just say simple things or who have actually found a genuine interest in you based off of what you post, always seem to be the ones getting put "on that Summer Jam screen" (a point in Hip Hop history, when JayZ exposed Prodigy from Mobb Deep). YES, some dudes need to check themselves into the nearest Thirst Clinic, ASAP, but every dude who gives a compliment isn't thirsty. To me, there's a difference between having an interest in someone vs. being thirsty but that's a different blog in itself. Ladies, you don't need to post the convo from when sh** turned left between you and @TheRealMoetDon and totally leave out the fact that you were damn near begging him to take you out to dinner and lustin' for his d***! We get it, dudes like you, you're pretty, dudes are thirsty, and a government shutdown is right around the corner a-GAIN; who gives a f***! Just imagine if dudes started doing that...hmmmm.

"Collage" Pics:
I'm tired of seeing the collages with 3 pics and two of them are the SAME exact ones, just flipped around or some sh**.

"Imagine if there were 3 of me!?!? #TripleTrouble."

I don't even like the idea of 1 of you let alone two more. I also have grown to despise the fact that sometimes, one of the pics will be small, appearing that is further away, and it just gets closer and closer and closer in each box of the collage; it's like in the scary movie and you know the killer is RIGHT behind the white girl because her dumb ass just stopped running and the music stopped and BA-BAM B****...you're dead! Why not use different pics? Or the ones with like 5 different boxes: 2 of the boxes have the same pic, 2 others have different filters, and 1 is flipped...I'm sorry but Jesus needs to flag every pic on your page.

"Zamnnnn, I need my p**** worked baaddd!" Pic:
Ok, ok we get it b****, you want your p**** ate and some d*** to wash away the pain your vagina feels from being lonely but every other post tho?! Come on! I love sex, don't get me wrong and that's the reason why my last account got deleted but females need to realize the attention they'll receive when they constantly post s*** like,

Dudes will flood your old pics with questions galore about your relationship status and why #NoNewFriends need not apply to them! If a dude could leave you his house key under your pic, tuuh, he would! I love you ladies but: you (claps hands) can't (claps hands) post (claps hands) lusty (claps hands) s*** and (claps hands) (claps hands) expect (claps hands) men (claps hands) not (claps hands) to (claps hands) lust (claps hands) you dumbass! Men see this and we're not thinking, "oh, *like*" and that's it. We're thinking, *like" along with some freak ***t we wanna NOW do to you, even tho you're the daughter of pastor...nvm. 24 hours in a day and you spend it posting about sex and you wonder why you can't get attention outside of a hard di**...

Now, in closing ladies...just cut the sh**! This of course was merely a joke, a piece for entertainment if you will, but you know what they say about jokes, so...yea. If I have offended you, I'm sorry, just think about what I DIDN'T say...

@renaissance_brotha_

Nutty As Squirrel Sh*t

Her: "I'm not crazy (insert creepy laugh) I just don't take no sh*t!"
Me: *side-eye*
Her: "Why you look at me like that? You think I'm crazy? I won't get offended if you do...do you?"
Me: "Anybody that laughs after they say they're NO..."
Her: *shakes head* "But you don't even know me like that! This is our first date!"
Me: "You didn't even let me finish tho!"
Her: "You didn't have to! Don't worry, because you won't be gettin no more text from me you bastard! The sex would've been great too...guess you'll never know huh."
*gets up and walks out*
Me: "But I only asked if you wanted a bottle of wine!"

When I tell you I literally asked, "would you like a bottle of wine?" and she literally went left field...heavens!

*class is in session*

I like women. I like women on dates, I like them in a library. I like them at the grocery store, I like them in a church praising the lord. I like dating. I like the fact that you get an opportunity to enjoy the company of a nice woman, indulge in stimulating conversation, but more importantly, you get to eat (I love eating)! What I don't like is:

• bad service
• late arrivals
• cold food
• women who know they're crazy but hide that sh*t very well via FaceTime, text, and phone calls.

Bit*h, if you know you crazy, you might wanna tell me that before I order the steak and shrimp with extra mash so I can end the date on yo crazy ass!

I despise crazy women like New York Knicks fans despise LeBron James and the Miami Heat! When I say crazy, I mean: show up to your job, with her homegirl and her crying ass baby in the back, after not receiving a text from you in 4 1/2 hours because I'm ACTUALLY doing work, and been too busy to respond, "ok," to some sh*t that is completely irrelevant...ready to stab me up.

Listen, I know getting to know a woman is great and all especially if you can see yourself being with her for forever and a day, BUT, we as men have to STOP ignoring the signs! If Jesus shows up in one of your dreams like, "Bro, leave that b**** Tammy alone! My pops created her in his light but her ass...will have you under the investigators light confessing like you on the First 48 about where you put her body!"

DON'T IGNORE JESUS! You block CRAZY women on your phone, not the blessings of the lord!

So fellas, here's some sh*t you might wanna keep in mind when you decide your next partner...

good lookin + own job/car/crib x sketchy personality = single:
Im not saying that (all) good lookin' women are the crazy...ok, yes I am! Halle Berry: crazy. (RIP) Left Eye: was crazy! Angela Bassett in Waiting To Exhale: I mean, sure, her husband left her for some snow bunny , but you SEEN what she did to that car? Crazy! Lorena Bobbitt: cut her husband's penis off starting at the baaasee! Fellas: she might be thicka than a bible with a face like a young Halle, but if you notice she laughs in the middle of an argument after yelling for a combined total of 33-damn minutes or hits you up over and over and over whenever you stop talking for an hour or so; don't ignore that! She's the one that will post some subliminal sh*t on one of these social networks about you, not even knowing you were sleep the whole time or show up to your house on some, "so who is she?". Once you've gotten the chance to get to know her and you notice she might look better in a straight jacket-chuck, chuck up the deuces!

crazy women have the best p****:
They sure do and on top of all that, a good amount are as single as a counterfeit bill, in a stripper's ass at your local strip club. She might have you show up to church with a condom on JUST so y'all can f*ck after service because her sh*t is that good; she'll also bust the windows out ya car quicker than Jazmine Sullivan the moment you don't throw the d*ck her way or the moment she thinks you're cheating. I know what you're thinking, "why would I stop messing with her, if her sex is great?". Because you like living right? Ok, good. That show Snapped is very real! We as dudes have to stop continuing these sexual activities with women who we perceive as crazy...and then get mad when we find our car on four flats, after telling her, "I don't see this going anywhere outside of the sex.". Before you even think about f***in, simply ask her, "you crazy or nah?".

"WHO YOU TALKIN TO LIKE THAT ANTHONY!?!
(insert laugh)
YOU THINK THIS SHIT IS A GAME? I GOT YOU!":
Any grown ass women who laughs in the middle of an argument, to me, is certified crazy! Why are you laughing? Did I fart? Women usually go from sane to crazy in the blink of an eye:

1. "I told you to stop talking to her, didn't I?! So that means, yo ass don't respect me nor this relationship/marriage huh."
2. gets closer to you, still talking in the same tone, just a little more aggression.
3. *starts to put her index finger in your face, touching your forehead and/or nose*
4. "I (claps hands) DON'T (claps hands) CARE (claps hands) IF (claps hands) Y'ALL (claps hands) DID (claps hands) BOOK (claps hands) REPORTS (claps hands) TOGETHER! YOU (claps hands) DON'T (claps hands) TALK (claps hands) TO HER (claps hands) (claps hands)!".
5. (insert weird ass laugh)
6. *clams down*
7. Lastly, wild ass threat or ultimatum.

If she laughs while the two of you are arguing; she's about to turn it the f*ck up!

"...so who is she?":
Females have a tendency to be catty for no damn reason or for childish ones, take your pick. The only females she likes are her "ride or dies", "day 1s", besties, family members, and her nail/hair salon lady...and half the time, she don't even like them b****es! A woman will question you about the server at Denny's if you stare too long,

waitress: "Ok, so I'll be right back with your drinks and I'll go put that order in."
you: "Thank you."
her: "Oh, so you know her or something? I mean, tuuh, the way you was lookin her up and down, what, she was, serving you the p**** too?!"

Sometimes guys can go a lil' overboard with checking a female out but the ones who don't, will STILL be subjected to an integration. Every time she comes to you or sends you a screenshot about some chick that likes your pics and always leaves comments, it's like that baby that always cries during Sunday service and the mother who does sh*t about it; it's annoying! Men don't know everybody who they follow and respond to ladies! Should I question your non-celebrity #ManCrush every Monday on Instagram? Didn't think so.

kinda-sorta-maybe-ex boyfriend:
If she gives you some reason for still entertaining one of her ex BF's and they DON'T have a child together but she calls him all types of bad names, she's either: still f***'in him, has hope for the two of them in a future, or she's tryna make you jealous. Yes, you can still be friends with your ex. I mean, I would hope you guys started out as friends and then made that transition into a relationship but there's no room for her to still be entertaining him, while she's tryna build with you. How it reads is: yeah, I like you but I still kinda like my ex who drove me to you. Bit**, you wanna be petty, take yo petty ass back to him n'shit.

shaves her head bald:
Cassie looks amazing with the half shaved head and half long hair...or maybe it's because I like half&half drinks; who knows. What I do know is that a woman who decides to shave her damn head bald better be in her 40s going natural because if you're 20 something, either:

A) some dude did something to her which lead her to doing that (e.g. Brittney Spears)
B) she's f***ed up mentally (e.g. Amanda Bynes)
C) she got gum stuck deep within her hair
D) she's about to study and become a monk.

Yes, it might look sexy on Cassie or if you're a model but come on, shaving your head is a cry for help! Amanda Bynes went from "thatsss me!" to piercing her dimples like a stripper by the name of Black Chyna, lusting for Drake, and shaving half her damn head, looking like a powdered damn Dunkin' Donuts munchkin! Stay clear homies.

"that's why your mother is dead bitch!":
I remember hearing this come outta my brother's baby mama's mouth around the time my sister was prego and all I remember is my sister about to hop out the car and whip her ass. This all happened because we wanted to take my nephew to Chuck-e-Cheese. If a woman can fix her lips to say some crazy personal sh*t against you...clearly she needs Jesus, a shot of Jack, and a shot to the head!

Ok, I'm joking on that last one

But that's not the type of woman that you need in your life. I will say this: if she can demean you in a manner that is suppose to be sacred between the two of you, then that says a lot about the person than what was said.

more importantly fellas...

stay clear:
I don't care if you have to change your name on all social networks, move, change your numbers/email, all of that; if the sh*t gotta be done, the sh*t gotta be done! Take yo ass to church, read your bible, build a stronger connection with Jesus if you have to. Continuing to deal with someone who is crazy all because you think it will pan itself out after the 58th argument is illogical. You either cut her loose or find yourself at some bar, buying drinks, gettin drunk, and coming back to your place on fire all because you ain't answer that "I'm talkin to you, I don't like to be ignored, you wouldn't like me when I'm ignored," text.

Now I know a lot you ladies are gonna respond with, "well, don't blame us for being crazy! Men do all this sh*t to us and then wanna say we're crazy like they aren't the reason why! Maybe the men need to look at themselves!". Yes, it's not a one party blame but if Chris Brown said his reason for allegedly beating on Rhi Rhi was because she drove him crazy, so his only defense was to practice his karate moves on her...how incredibly stupid would that sound!!! "Y'all mad at me but she provoked me to beat her up. She needs to check herself and hat forehead...make sure y'all check out my new album too coming out." (Chris Brown voice). Last time I checked, people are in total control of their own actions and using a copout excuse like, "he made me this way," is idiotic and senseless, so, to you ladies, I say; save ya sh*t for the bathroom toilet. Men shouldn't further deal with a woman who is notably bat sh*t crazy and try to justify her actions as being rationale just to get the sex. If she's crazy...

Let her be crazy and alone somewhere far, far away where Shrek and Donkey saved Princess Fiona from that dragon.

@renaissance_brotha_

So She Cheated on You, With Dave From Work

*class is in session*

Whenever you hear there’s been cheating in a relationship, I'm almost certain your mind jumps directly to placing blame on the man!

"DAMN! I wonder how SHE’S doin”…or “Just like a dude to cheat, mmhmm…they all DOGS!”

Yes, dudes cheat, just like the person who didn't bother to study in Math class for the test, but is psst'in at you for the answers to numbers 1-25! Truth be told tho... this isn't always the case. I will be the very first to admit that (some) men ain't (worth) sh*t! I will also be the first to admit that (some) females ain't (worth) sh*t! Just because society paints the picture that men cheat more times than women, doesn't negate the fact that a woman will creep her ass into the bed of a man who is NOT her own; it just proves that society sucks.

- a man will usually cheat based on how a woman looks, i.e. how big her breast and ass are and if she will arch her back and point her toes all night.

- a woman will usually cheat based on how emotionally secure she feels in the relationship/marriage, trust, yada yada.

SnappleFact #99 - Females are more emotional than males, so the tendency for a woman to cheat, is far more greater than that of a man.

Before you get up and arms ladies, take a second to actually consider what has JUST been said...

When you think about how cheating begins for a female, it's usually based outta emotions. Not the physical aspect of things, but E-MO-TIONS! Just because you’re not sleeping in his bed or vice versa, doesn't mean it’s not cheating, cause it is…it’s emotional cheating and that ladies, constitutes as cheating. So what happens if a guy is actually faithful to his woman and he finds out she’s been creepin' around like TLC in the 90s? Well, continue to read...

Now, have I cheated on someone? YES, and I will leave it at that because contrary to popular belief, when you're young and dumb, cheating is justifiable. Now before you stop reading, know that it was emotionally and I actually told my partner. She didn't find out elsewhere; she wasn't on MySpace lurkin'. She wasn't hittin' up the girls in my top 8. I mean sh*t, she wasn't even on FB going crazy every time a female friend posted on my wall. We had a convo, I admitted to her how I felt and guess what happened...

WE WORKED IT OUT! It took us sometime to get past it but guess what else...we did,

But I digress...

Now have I been cheated on...hell-mother-f***in' yes! Till this day it hurts because in my mind: I was doing everything a BF was suppose to be doing at the time (early 20s). A man canf*** a 100 different women but the moment, and I mean the very moment his woman steps out on him and into the bed with another man and he finds out, he's devastated! Wanna hurt a man's ego ladies: tell'em his pee-pee is small, his hairline is receding, he's a bum, or that you had sex with some other man.

"Yeaaaa, that's why I cheated on you with the bartender from Friday's and his penis was better and bigger and your brother wanna get with me!"

The chances of her actually cheating with the good lookin' guy who sits across from her in class is slim. 7/10: she's gonna cheat because there's a lack of understanding in the relationship/marriage.

When you think about how two people who have an interest in each other transition from being friends and then to GF/BF and then husband and wife, you think about this:

D-irection

U-nderstanding
T-rust
C-ommunication
H-onesty

Now I won't go into detail about what D.U.T.C.H. is because the book drops next year and future blogs explain yada yada yada but, when there's a lack of direction, that takes a toll on the understanding the two of you have as a couple. Because a man is not “Mr. Right (Now)”, women will seek comfort in "Mr. For The Moment" aka a dude that can AND will give her all the attention and time she yearns for. If she’s cheated with someone else and the feelings that have been developed are emotionally based and you find out and decide to stick around and work it out; man, I hope you been baggin' chicks off Instagram or Twitter because it now will become THAT much harder to put up with her afterwards; sh*t I know this from experience. I remember have a convo with one of my homeboy's, who was cheated on for whatever reason(s) and he asked me, “how do you stay w/ her B, when she loves someone else?” (sounds like the beginning to a love song right?

If you love her and she's on board to make things better, do it, but if you know deep down you won't be able to trust her the same, don't even waste your time. If you poll men on your IG timeline or your Twitter followers or your FB friends right now and asked them, "would you stay with your women if she cheated?" I put money on it that a good majority of them would say no. On the flipside tho: females will stay and try to make things better until their mind and heart tells them to leave. I've said it before: without trust, you have nothing! Trust is like the cheese...in Mac n' Cheese

For MOST guys, we don't wanna have to think about another man spending time with our woman especially if they're like...

• model like in the face
• tall in height
• comedic sense of humor
• body of a Greek god
• can hold a note like Justin Timberlake

Me personally...

I'm putting a tracking device on you because who knows what you're capable of and if you think @DjSinCity718 is some dude from the Bronx...yo monkey ass better guess again!

Cheating on a man does damage ladies! We can't just, "man up!" after finding out you let you some ol' dude from the club eat ya ass; that was our Friday night thing! Dudes will either:

A) try to work things out

B) be hurt and move on

or C) turn into doosh-bags

and more times than none, dudes will become dogs. #FoodForThought: what you do, will always dictate & have an impact in the lives of others.

When you think about what kills guys the most when it comes to relationships: it's pride and ego. Ego tells them, "you know how good you look? She cheated on you, bro, that b**** wasn't sh*t to begin with!". Pride tells them, "you know you love her more than Kanye loves to rant...but right now, you hate her more than Kanye hates the paparazzi...let that hoe go bro."

I'll be the first one to admit: men aren't that smart when it comes to matters of the heart. Most men (yes, MOST) aren't looking for signs of their woman cheating unless the signs are completely obvious and I mean they have to be on some,

*text message to her phone reads*

"It was good seeing you babe last nite...I love the way you sucked my d*** till it came hehe... i shuda warned u babe. We on for Sunday afternoon still?"

I remember seeing that text on one of my ex GF's phone when I was checking to see what time it was. Till this day, she doesn't know I know that text was sent (unless she's reading this, which I doubt it).

The point is, no dude is gonna hawk a woman's social networks every other hour on the hour; that's what chicks do. Women cheat for many different reasons but what we as men have to stop doing is allowing that situation to change us into something we're not! There's never a need to take it out on the next one. There's never a need to lie to ourselves when we know good-and-damn-well we're not completely over the pain from the past. I know some of the hardest of men who still can't keep a woman because of that one girl who treated them wrong. I've been thru enough to know that sometimes, sh*t ain't worth repairing with someone because deep down inside, you know that person ain't worth sh*t! Sticking around after the hurt shows you're forgiving and leaving shows a sign of maturity and acceptance. Don't stick around because you think it's the right thing to do, hell, you'll end up f***in yourself up even more and that's far worse than lying to yourself. Never get yourself into the habit of lying to yourself...because once you go searching for that truth, it'll be hard to find.

@renaissance_brotha_

So I Have This Friend: Whose Sex is Wack!

*names have been changed to protect the innocent*

Email from friend:
"Yo Ant, this bi*** @geminisweet p**** is wack! It smelled like 22 Africans in leather suits b! It's like, she dead came and then got up and showered and left, like, are you serious! I almost blacked on her! If I didn't have to study for MCATs I would've blacked b! Why these b****es think they can get theirs and bounce like that? Why was she so stiff?!?! I don't wanna waste your time but I want you to make a blog about this b, like, that's ya homegirl and I blame you for tellin me to f***. I wasted my night and I coulda been in Mel b, like, I curved Mel for this b****! Make a blog about her sex being wack or something because I'm not f***in these b****es no more man, it got me aggy!

Dilla"

Women think that they're the only ones who experience bad sex but guess again ladies, you're not. For the past few months, swarms of guys have been hitting me up asking me to make a post or blog about women and their lackluster sex, so, here we are. Now, in no way, shape or form am I degrading women in any way, nor do I want this to come across as sexist, but ladies...sometimes your sex ain't on point. I've experienced some bad sex partners in my day, fortunately not a crazy amount because I'm not out here giving the d*** away like Rondo dishing the ball but the ones that I have experienced...*phew*! I figured I'd put together a list of complaints I've gotten and also share some of my insight for your reading pleasure. Without further ado, I present to you:

So I Have This Friend...whose sex is wack!

*class is in session*

Spider-Man:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how a woman can say, "yea, yea, just make sure you give me all that d***!" and then

10 minutes later...

"baby...babe...wait, wait, hol'up, hol'up!"

Oh, so you Big Sean now? Men don't like women who run from the d*** just like women don't like men who can't keep their d*** up! You wanna be a runner? Apply at Applebee's or Friday's. I'm suckin' and lickin' on that clit, don't stop me. I got your legs on my shoulders, hittin' that spot, don't put your clammy ass hands on my chest to push me away. I got ya face down, ass up, hands grippin' ya waist, don't scoot away. If it hurts, say so, if not, let me pin you down and enjoy it because all that movin' n'sh*t like lil' boys do in the barber chair... #AintNobodyGotTimeFoDat
Tip: If its feelin' good to you, let it be so you can cum and speaking of cummin'...

tap-out:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how a woman can even fix her lips and say some sh*t like, "I'm bout to cum, YES...*wooo*...I'm done (insert smiley face)." Done? B***h, you done making that box macaroni and cheese you make every Tuesday? Or are you done leaving hair in the shower because I'm confused. I know loads of men are guilty of the same behavior but all it takes is a 5 minute blow job and 10 minutes of penetration and we're good; women on the other hand require a lot more time and effort. No man wants to hear, "yea, yea, yea just make sure you ain't stingy with the d***!" and then she's stingy with the p****, WTFeezy!? Just because yo ol' selfish ass is finished don't mean I'm done! You better make that mouth work or them hands work because I counted two orgasms for you and 0 for me and I better nut before I turn into the Incredible Hulk over here.

Oh, you thought I was a "1-minute man" ha. You thought I was gonna get a taste of dat p****, bust a nut n'go to bed ha. You thought I was like Tyrone ha; you thought them backshots was gon' take me out my zone ha. Well baby girl see you wrong ha. You came a few times, now you surprised I last long ha...

I digress,

Tip: You may have laughed at that musical break but seriously: don't just leave him hangin', finish what you start.

doorknob stiff:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how you can post videos of you "twerkin dat ass" for Vine or Instagram but when it comes to sex...you're like a fish outta water! Maybe it's me, may-be-it's-ME, but how you gon' climb yo ass in the bed and then don't climb on the d*** to ride!? You better put some movement on dat d***! (Pops from Friday voice). I'm not saying you have to go ape s*** on the d***, but hell, if you moving like Sara from Save The Last Dance when Derrick taught her how to dance when we out at the club, don't be as stiff as President Obama when he was on Ellen (Obama Dancing) when we f***, plain and simple.
Tip: Don't let me be the only one putting in some action! If we're in doggystyle position, throw that ass back! If you're on top ridin', get on your tippy-toes and bounce!

The Nicki Minaj-er:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how after only TWO damn strokes...you screaming like a damn exorcist is being performed! Can I get to stroke 17 before you start reciting sexual scriptures!? Oh, so you want a Tony Award for your performance? Or, or maybe you thought you were gonna get an Oscar? Keep the Nicki Minaj- voices and faces outta the bedroom! I know the d*** be good but if you wanna perform and live out your inner thespian, become a YouTube actress; cut the sh*t.
Tip: Grab a damn pillow and yell into it. Grab your panties, roll them into a little ball and shove them in your mouth, unless your vagina smells like pig tongue and sauerkraut, which brings me to my next point...

all-day-p**** (ADP):
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how any woman can expect a man to lick, suck, finger, or stick his penis into a vagina that has not been cleansed! If you know you've been out all day at work, or in the gym, or grocery shopping, or shoe shopping, or at bible study and then you want me to come over (or you come over) and you're expecting sex and you ain't take some soap and water to that vagina? I hope your clit falls off! Seriously tho, that sh*t ain't cool. Hygiene is important and should be a top priority when it comes to sex. Also ladies, stop going to the bathroom to pee and/or sh*t and then getting back in the bed expecting us to resume sexual activities, it's just not happening.
Tip: Cleanliness is next to Godliness; make sure you wash the holy hell outta your vagina, amen!

what dat mouth DON'T do?:
I will NEVER, be able to understandable: how any woman can expect a man to go deep sea divin' and then turn around and won't play a clarinet solo on the penis! Do I look like Charlie Brown? You not gon' play me! Now me personally, Anthony, I'm not a fan of it, but a normal dude who ENJOYS receiving oral sex, will feel some kinda way. Also, no teeth; this ain't a BBQ and my d*** is NOT a piece of corn! Lastly, for all you women who expect men to swallow your vaginal juices when we're performing oral but you scrunchie your face up when we want to cum in YOUR mouth, listen: either you're swallowing or yore taking it on your upper lip because if not...stay at home and watch Law & Order.
Tip: If you don't like the way it taste, have him increase his fruit intake. If you're not a 'flute blower' or you know you "suck d***" at suckin' d***, just stay at home and watch a Netflix movies.

*non-positional:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how the only positions you do are:

•doggystyle
•missionary
•ridin' a dude's face

Don't nobody got time for that, "but I only cum when he hittin it from the back!" ... have you TIRED sex while on your side, one leg flat, the other wrapped around him or in the air and he just goes deeper and deeper...and deeper? Probably not but guess the f*** what: IT'LL MAKE YOU THANK HIS MAMA FOR BRINGING HIM INTO THIS WORLD! You don't have to be Gabby Douglas on the d*ck (No R. Kelly) but f*** out-SIDE your comfort zone! I'm not asking you to be a trapeze artist but expand your horizons! On the other hand tho, ladies, stop tryna do positions that don't fit your body type. If you know you can't ride the d***, spare the both of us because if I'm bored, I'm grabbing my phone and watching Hey Arnold on YouTube. Stop tryna do splits n'sh*t when you know good-and-damn-well your body ain't set up that way. If you're athletically challenged: find a yoga class, Zumba, or come to me for some ballet moves that you can utilize...my services don't come cheap tho.
Tip: Listen to Usher's, "That's What It's Made For," for some inspiration or seriously, take up Yoga.

squirt without warning:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how a woman can KNOW she's a squirter but decides not to disclose that info to me before sex. I, like many other men, LOVE a squirter but without warning? Nah (Chief Keef voice). If I'm tongue drillin' you, you start screaming, legs start shakin', and it turns into splash waterfalls...I'm going into the kitchen, grabbing the biggest pot, filling it with water, and tossing it on your face! Give me a warning at least so I can use some old bed sheets and a couple of towels, so we both not looking at each other like, "rock-paper-scissors for who sleeps in the wet spot?" because 9/10 I'm gonna win and you're gonna be mighty upset about having to sleep in that sh*t.
Tip: Give me a heads up, that simple.

leave my ass alone:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how any woman can think its cool to run their lil' manicured fingers anywhere near a man's ass. Oh, ohhhhhh, orrrr their tongue!!! Consult (claps hands) your (claps hands) man (claps hands) before (claps hands) deciding (claps hands) to (claps hands) Lamborghini his doors (claps hands)! What I mean is: don't just assume because you go from the d*** to the balls, that you gotta move your damn tongue down into my booty hole! YES- it's a pleasure zone for men; NO- no man wants his salad tossed without warning! This ain't HBO Oz! Some dudes enjoy it-hey, more power to them but ask first. If you wanna grab my ass while we're in missionary, go for it but please...don't move those fingers elsewhere. You stick your fingers in my ass, I'm d**k'-dippin' in ya butt!
Tip: Just ask because no man wants a "Lamborghini Mercy" outta nowhere.

Now I'm sure there are a lot more I forgot to mention so, share some, if you don't mind! All feedback is welcomed and highly encouraged!

I hope you enjoy this Dilla and make sure you tell other dudes to read and follow the movement too boy!

@renaissance_brotha_

What a Man Wants, pt. 2

If you haven't done so already, check out "What a Man Wants, pt.1".

*class is in session*

Men want...a woman who's attractive:
AND who has confidence! I can be perfectly fine with you just the way you are but I can't make YOU see YOU how I see YOU! Men want a woman who carries herself like a queen from the ankle up and nothing less. Allow me to be frank for a moment but YES, men are attracted to a pretty face and how you look will determine if we want to speak to you or not. It's not shallow, it's honest. "Damn, your personality is pretty as f***! That sh*t got my d*** hard!" Now that's something you will NEVER and I mean NEVER hear from any guy, but what you WILL hear is, "Damn, excuse me beautiful can I talk to you? I'm tryna make you my future wife, like, that body lookin right! You got a man? Oh...how long you been havin that problem?" Now, that last part is for comedy purposes but you get the point. If we're out for a night on the town and you're looking radiant, elegant, just as bad as you wanna be and we as your man see other guys checking you out; THAT SHIT'S A TURN ON! A fat ass, nice breast, curvy hips, luscious lips, all of that sh*t is cool but at the end of the day, when you get old and gray/beauty isn't only defined in the physical form, it's how you maintain yourself that'll keep you lookin different from the norm...*Wale doe*

(Wale didn't say that btw)

Honestly tho...Instagram pics show more than side views.

*Men want...a woman with some smarts:
I love a woman who can challenge me intellectually! One of the things that turns me on MOST about a woman is being able to learn something new from her. I love lips but it's what comes OUT of those lips that speaks to me the most. You can look like Beyonce but be dumb as a brick and then what? Being "bad" isn't enough! We want someone who we can hold a conversation with!

S-u-b-s-t-a-n-c-e!!!

The length and depth of the conversation varies with a woman who we just wanna have sex with vs. a woman we want to get to know, settle down with. Furthering your education is sexy ladies, never let a man tell you different. You wanna go back to school and get another degree or just finish up, a real man will support that and speaking of support...

Men want...a woman who will support them:
I'm not talking about supporting him like his parents or his last GF/wife did with his unrealistic dreams, goals, and aspirations. I'm talking about supporting when his dreams are actually attainable. Supporting his efforts in wanting to do better, and achieving more in life. I'm talking about when he's down and he feels like the world is against him, you being there to help lift him because at times, we as men become weak. Men want to know that: if the world and everybody and everything in it is saying no, you'll be by his side holding him down. All we want is someone who will help us along the journey, that's all.

Men want...a woman with some family values:
Men, want, women, with, some, family, values! What that means is: how you were raised, will say a lot about you as a woman and as a (future) mother. Did your parent(s) cook on Sundays? Did you guys attend church? Did you guys eat at the table and not off in your own rooms? What's your relationship like with your parents!? Better question: what's your relationship like with your dad!? To sum this all up: once we've made the transition from friends to being in a relationship and building upon that and I as a man make the decision to make you my wife, now I need to see if you will be a suitable mother. All of those questions play a key role into making that decision because YES, starting a family should be the main goal at the end of the road and YES, who you are as a woman, as a wife, matters a great deal in my decision on having children with you.

Last but not least...

Men want...sex:
I will make this as raw and as honest as I possibly can: if you're not having sex or giving your man oral, another woman will gladly do the job! We laugh at a show like Scandal but that is the reality for a lot of women in the world today. I'm not saying you have to be on your back or on your knees all the damn time, but a compromise between the two of you needs to be had. Men want sex, so it's your job to provide it for him. Sometimes, after a long, stressful day at work, we don't wanna hear, "babe, how was your day?" Sometimes we wanna hear, "drop your shit, go have a seat...I'm suckin ya d***!" That's it! I don't wanna sit and complain about my day and I know you don't really wanna hear about it, so, just suck his d***. Sex isn't everything, but it is one of the reasons why a guy will stray. You don't have to be an all out freak, but just make sure your man's needs are met in that bedroom!

Every guy is completely different but I'm almost certain if you poll guys on what it is that they want, their list will more than likely pale in comparison to this. This isn't a complete list but it gives you as a woman a general outline of the wants of a man. The wants and needs of the guy that you're currently dealing with will never be the same as the men you've dealt with. It's not that we're afraid of commitment, we're just afraid to commitment to the wrong one! I am a man who knows exactly what I want because after hurting women and being hurt by women so much, trial and error has done me more good than harm. I encourage women to allow men to be men. I'm not saying allow him to put your through bullsh*t, I'm saying hold his ass accountable and check him on his bullsh*t! Know your worth! You don't have to be like Michelle Obama or Scarlett Johansson or Halle Berry; just be you! Self-worth, self-respect, self-love, I don't say this because it makes the blog sound good or for praise...I say it because it's all truth. You give me something to love, honor, respect, appreciate and I will give you all of me and nothing less, only more.

Fellas: am I missing anything?
Ladies: if there's anything that you would like know that you didn't see here, feel free to hit me up at brotharenaissance@gmail.com

@renaissance_brotha_

Want a Man Wants, Pt. 1

"I don't understand men at all! All they wanna do is play mind games, video games, and most of them only wanna have sex and then disappear!" - says a good majority of woman. Listen: I'm not an expert on men, but as a man, I know what I want! But this isn't about me...this is about what other men want, so, without further ado...

*class is in session*

Men want...a woman who has a connection/relationship with God:
Ok, so Jesus doesn't HAVE to be your bestie but a relationship with God, is something (most) men want. Sure, you can hold him down financially, physically, mentally

BUT

...a woman that prays for, even WITH her man!? Amen! A REAL man will honor and respect you wholeheartedly for your relationship with the Lord...unless the two of you have different views on religion, then that's a totally different case and blog altogether.

Men want...a woman who isn't ALWAYS partying/in the club:
no (hand clap) man (hand clap) wants (hand clap) his (hand clap) woman to be (hand clap) in (hand clap) the (hand clap) club all the damn time!

Now, it's ok to hang out with your homegirls here and there but every weekend tho? If you're the type to party, date a party promoter so y'all can take Instagram selfies, make collages n'sh*t, and spend money you don't really got on bottles you don't really like. The goal of a relationship is to build into something greater and that can NOT be achieved if you're out twerkin to Miley Cyrus and Lil' Wayne every Friday and Saturday night. #TurnYoAssDownForSomething

Men want...a woman with a sense of humor, whose playful:
Be the Gina, to his Martin! You don't have to be hilarious but a woman who has a sense of humor? #Winning! Those who remember the show Martin, remembers that, not only was Gina beautiful, strong, educated, and driven...she was a fool! And YES, those kinda women EXIST! Don't complain about him being a grown ass man who enjoys playing video games; grab a controller and play along, hell, practice when he's not home! Bored? Grab a pillow and pop his in the head; start a pillow fight...you know play fighting always leads into sex! Men love a woman that's playful, plain and simple.

Men want...a woman who has her own and a great sense of self:
Ladies: don't let these weak ass men/n****s trick you into believing you have to be a weaker woman because they aren't secure with who they are! A mam wants a woman who adds to what he has going on in his life already, along with bringing the great things she has to offer and building upon that. Never should you drop all of what you're doing in YOUR life for HIM because if you lose him...what will YOU have? The sexiest thing you as a woman can wear is confidence accompanied by a strong head on you shoulders. Know who YOU are first and foremost. Know your worth as a woman, so I can have something to value.

*Men want...a woman who is mentally mature:
All we want is a woman who can handle her emotions on a mature level, that's all. It's crazy when a man and woman have a misunderstanding over things and the woman shuts down or beings to attack because she lacks the ability to comprehend how to understand a point of view other than their own. Express your feelings boo boo, but don't come at me crazy for what YOU'RE feeling; just express yourself in a real and honest manner. I'm not looking for you to cut me off when I'm talking. I'm not looking for you to be dismissive or raise your tone when you hear something you don't agree with. I'm looking for you to be open minded and be attentive to not only what I have to say but why I'm saying it. How you handle your emotions as a woman, will always be a key factor in a man deciding if he wants to be with you or not on a more serious level.

Men want...a woman who will be open and honest, respectful, and be a team player:
To further my point in the last paragraph: be open with me! Tell me what's going on in the relationship/marriage but don't do it in a nagging way! There are ways to tell me what's on your mind, without me having to guess. Also, honesty is the best policy! Honesty is like Elmer's glue in every relationship/marriage because without it, nothing can truly be held together. No man wants to be with a woman who he feels is dishonest. On top of that, I have to HAVE something to respect right? Self respect is something every man looks for in a woman, contrary to popular belief. Respect doesn't only mean you give it to me...but you have it and give it to yourself! And on top of all of that: teamwork, makes, the, dream, work! I've said it once and I will continue to say it: until you are whole as an individual, a relationship can't work which means a marriage won't come about. Ladies, stop tryna force these men into getting in a relationship when you know good-and-damn-well you aren't over your ex or a past relationship/situationship that didn't work in your favor. We as men look for a woman we can see ourselves grow old with, not grow tired of.

Men want...a woman who can cook:
You don't have to be no Paula Deen, hell, you don't even have to be Rachel Ray but you must be able to do a lil' sumthin' sumthin' in the kitchen. If you can read and follow a recipe, you'll be alll-right! You don't even have to cook all the time either, just cook here and there! For an added bonus...cook with him (keep the relationship exciting). The way to a man's heart is thru his stomach and his...

Come on back tomorrow, for the conclusion of... "What a Man Wants".
And I mean it this time, lol.

8pm Eastern Time!

@renaissance_brotha_

Ray Charles To The Curve

The following content may contain heavy usage of the word bitch; viewer discretion is advised.

Before I start this piece, I would like to say thank you to ALL that have been supporting #ABetterBreedOfMan since my launch in March. 6 months later, 20 blogs done&done, thousands upon thousands of page views, I want to sincerely say thank you because it honestly means a lot to me. I really take what I do seriously and do my best to give 110% with every single blog that I post. At one point, I got upset at the fact that everybody wasn't feeling what I was doing but, like with most things in life, I learned the hard way and I thank the Lord for that lesson. I thank the Lord for the talent but more importantly, I thank the lord for LIFE! More importantly tho...thank God for all you Ray Charles dudes right now! (2 Chainz voice). What better way to welcome the new season than with a new blog from yours truly! All you dudes who can't seem to take the hint and think that, that instacrush REALLY likes you when all she REALLY likes is yo posts...guess again.

*class is in session*

Ladies, I know you felt some kinda way when I wrote, "He's Not That Into You, Respect The Curve," so I figured, what they hell, let me make a piece about something I am PERSONALLY familiar with: being "Ray Charles to the curve". I am a man who can testify about having an interest in a woman and that feeling not being mutual, whatsoever! I have ignored many red flags in my day because I figured, "what the hell, she gave me the number, she MUST like me a lil bit...right?" Wrong, WRONG...she was only doing that so I wouldn't keep asking! Some of you dudes out there don't get that technique, so, I will help you get it. Now before I begin, I'm only speaking from experience, so if you can relate, making sure you leave your testimony in the comment section, otherwise, lets get it started

Hey Buddy!:

Bitch...don't "hey buddy" me!

I know what "hey buddy" is code for and it's not sex! Seriously tho, a lot of you guys don't realize that words like: buddy, fren, friend, pal, brotha, dude, bro, homie, etc is really code for, "I'm not interested in you like that!" She hits you up because you're cool to talk to, about the dude she's f***in...not because she WANTS to f*** you! You're like the dude she talks to when her gay best friend is out twerkin, her best friends are busy, and the dude she's f***in is probably out f***in somebody else or playing Grand Theft Auto 5! How a woman speaks to you, will dictate her level of attraction towards you.

"Well I'm fine...my day was good, thanks for asking...so can I tell you about what's been going on wit this man!!":

Well...my day was good too bitch!

If she hits you up on some, "hey, how are you?" and then proceeds to ask no further questions about YOU or anything that pertains to YOU...she don't give a damn about you, simple and plain. When a female is interested in you, she'll ask you questions about what's going on in your life or just general questions about you that she hasn't gathered from social networks. Answer me this fellas: does she know you like red velvet cake because she ASKED you or did you willingly TELL her because she told you about her date, and the dude that ordered it for her? I'll wait...

Exactly!

If she ain't read it off of FB, Twitter, or obtain it from an Instagram post; you had to tell her and that right there should let you know...she's not that interested in you. A woman who is interested, will take the time to get to know you, not just obtain information that you've learned, for the betterment of her.

"Damn, he is fine!"
"Who?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't think you heard me...one of my followers!":

Bitch...I look good too!

Her #MC (ManCrush) might be LeBron James, hell, it might even be Macklemore, but unless it's someone outside of stardom...her talking about other dudes, should raise more than just your eyebrows; it should raise some concerns. "Damn, but seriously, @coreyniceeyes looks good! Ima screenshot and you show." Bitch, don't send me no pics of no dudes unless it's Jesus himself! Anytime casual talks about other dudes get brought up, I mean CLEARLY, she's telling you...she's not interested.

Your jokes...just don't make her laugh:

Bitch...I know I ain't Kevin Hart but come on, laugh at something!

You try to tell some jokes to lighten the mood/break the ice and all you seem to be doing is making her more and more agitated! Your lil comedy act may have worked with the last girl that "friend zoned" but it's not going over well with this one...take the hint. When you tell a joke and she doesn't say something like, "lol, aww," or "that was cute," or there's no lmao, LMAO, ctfu (cracking the f*** up), LML (laughing mad loud), or even ROTFL (rolling on the floor laughing), she's not interested and clearly she doesn't find you funny. Forcing corny jokes is like forcing a dry penis into a drier vagina; that sh*t will only hurt both parties involved!

"Oh hey, I'm bringing Lali, Lindsey, and Manda...see you soon!":

Bitch...leave those bitches at home!

If you have never had any alone time with her, it's clear she's probably not interested in you. Sure, DOUBLE dates are cool but handicap dates (where her friend...or you're the third-wheel) aren't fun at all, ESPECIALLY when you're trying to get to know her better. You can't sneak kisses at the table while you, her, and Becky are all out at Applebees! You tryna get a kiss and she's tryna get a selfie; you tryna cup her ass but she's moving away tryna get a better angle on her steak and shrimp dish, making sure that there's no guest appearance from your plate/cup... #ItBeLikeThatSometimes

She doesn't return you call/text/emails or any other form of communication:

Bitch...you just said you were sleep, how you like that pic in ya sleep!?
This should be pretty damn obvious for all you dudes! If anytime you call and she doesn't pick up, she's not interested. If you try to FaceTime/Oovoo/IChat/Skype/Tango and she declines with the quickness or it just rings out, she's not interested. If you text her and you don't get a response, clearly, she's not into you. If you do get a response and she says, "oh, I was busy," but she managed to put up two RP on Instagram, tweeted, and updated her pic on FB WHILE she was, "busy"...she's not interested. If you do text and she responds with, "who this???" all those damn question marks should be an indicator that she...is not feeling you and/or she deleted your number and/or it was never stored!

Best friend: "Oh, it's nice to meet you...":
Bitch...you ain't tell ya BESTIE about me tho?!?
Anytime the best friend(s) have no idea of who you are, chalk that up to never being talked about from a lack of not-giving-a-f***! If she's feeling you, you better believe the best friends, her parents, siblings, her favorite auntie, social networks, hell, even the person that does her hair is gonna know about you. A woman who has an interest in you will sing that sh*t to the WORLD like a bird on a weak tree branch in the middle of Spring!

I'm celibate:
You ain't celibate bitch...you just had sex with Marc last week!
If the sex talk hasn't happened, let's say, AT ALL, it won't happen. Let's say y'all do chill, alone, and she's laughing at your lil jokes n'what-not and actually having a conversation with you...pay attention to her body language: although she's "speaking" her body language will say more then the mouth ever will. If she's cold, standoff-ish, that's a sign of her being uninterested. You like her right? So you're gonna stand close to her. You THINK she likes you right? So why she give you church hugs (that's when there's enough space in between the two of you to birth twins) and sit at the end of the couch? She's, not, in-te-res-ted!

Ladies, I know some of these dudes you attract are beyond annoying and only wanna have sex with you when all you want is a friend but if you aren't making what it is that you want, crystal clear, it will never be clear to him! You're concerned about hurting his feelings but will keep him around and complain about what he's doing to you when you have the power to change your situation. What you will allow, will damn sure continue and if you aren't taking the necessary steps to allow his ass to get the bigger picture that YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED IN HIM...he will continue to call and text you day in and day out and you will continue to be annoyed, day in and day out. More importantly fellas...man up! Stop ignoring the signs, tryna bypass to the ass when she wouldn't spit on you even if you were on fire! Not only do you make yourself look bad, but you put her in a position to where she'll become even more skeptical about any dude for the future. If she's interested in you, you will know, I mean, Jehovah Witnesses knock on your door faithfully right? Don't be a Jehovah Witness...knock on a door that will be receptive of what you tryna say. If you take nothing from what I've said, take this

Please, leave her, the, f***alone!

Ladies: what are some of the other signs that men often miss? What has worked for you when you've had a "Jehovah Witness" kinda dude who just wouldn't take the hint?
Fellas: have you ever been in this kinda situation? Let me know, let me know!

@renaissance_brotha_

B.A.D.

*cracks neck*

I know what you're thinking, "what does B.A.D. mean!?"
Well, B.A.D. = bitch ass dude(s)

That's right: B**** ASS DUDES!

Now if you already knew that, kudos to you and if you didn't, you just learned something new; and learning is only HALF the battle...
but oh how I wish I could say that about some of you dudes out there!

In 2013, some of you dudes STILL ain't winning, but you want us to believe that you are? Get ALLLL the way the f*** outta here with that; ain't nobody got time fa dat! I've lost respect for you dudes, why? Because you've become just like the women you often talk about, (re)tweet about, slander on FB, and make sub post about on Instagram. Gossiping and spreading rumors?!?! That's what females do! S*** like that is never cool! I Hope this entire blog gets texted/emailed/retweeted/reposted to you!

(peep how I just flowed there)

But I digress,

But on a serious note, it's gotten to the point where women have come to me and begged me to write a blog on the fact that: at times, their man makes them feel like they're in a "same sex" relationship/marriage. The behavior a lot of you "so called men" display has gotten to a point where women are saying, "enough is enough already...MAN UP!" This goes for Blacks, Asians, Latinos, Middle Eastern, Whites, Jews, Christians, Catholics, Muslims, Atheist, fat, skinny, tall, short, old, young, middle aged, educated, stupid, from the dude with a career, to the dude who sells weed and works at Rite Aid: ALL OF YOU NEED TO STEP IT THE F*** UP! If it sounds like I'm being too critical, good. If it sounds like I'm judging, good, glad we're on the same page. A lot of you dudes don't know better, so you can't do better, because you haven't learned better, because no one has taken the time to properly SHOW you just what better IS! I don't speak for all men, let's get that clear. I'm not speaking up for all the women of the world, let's make that clear as well. This comes from a place of self realization and what I've realized as I've gotten older: I ain't shit and we NEED to do better...so peep the piece I'm presenting.
*class is in session*

I don't blog to bash, I blog to help and offer a different perspective from a man who has been thru some s*** in his life. What we as men need to know and thoroughly realize, is that as we get older, we need to DO better. The ways of when we we're younger, shouldn't be continued in our mid 20s and older. One of the things I love about my circle of male friends is that, we hold each other accountable for our words and actions. What that means is: if someone is f***in up in the group, you better believe it'll be brought to your attention. Nobody is going to make a subliminal diss song, no talking behind each other's back, no silent treatment, none of that; straight up and down man to man convo. In blackand white: if you have an issue, you bring it to THAT person; not his mama, sister, brother, uncle, GF (BF if he swings that way), aunt, grandmama, Twitter. Instagram, FB, his dentist, doctor...you get the point. Now that same mindset, this should be applied to friendships that transition into relationships and relationships that transition into marriages between male & females but...that'll be discussed in my book coming out next year.

Fellas...stop the gossiping, pillow talking, dry snitching, cockblockin, subliminal messages:

It's gotten to the point where men call other men up or text or whatever and have full blown discussions about what OTHER men are doing: WTF!? Unless you on some, "we bout to move out on these n****s," type sh*t, talking about another man should never and I mean never be discussed in such a hateful/disrespect manner (unless y'all got beef). Another bad habit some of you dudes got, is that you suffer from "faucet mouth":

"Nah, the f*** wit him, he no good for you! You still f***in with J from your job? You know he f***in Michelle right?"
or
"Yea, I know Robbie: he the dude who got the baby mother who live in New Jersey, that he f*** every other week when he not f***in you. He corny! How you drop outta school and start credit card scamming?! Oh...you ain't know that? Yea, he lame."

...once your mouth gets turned on, you keep goin and goin and goin and goin. That's dry snitchin and where I'm from, dry snitchin isn't something grown men take lightly. After sex, don't lay around and talk her head off about why she shouldn't give another dude a chance you don't even know ESPECIALLY when she put up with your wack sex ass; get some juice, stretch, and prepare for round 2! Also, stop with the cockblockin! If you can't get p**** in a Earth this big, you worthless kid, and you don't deserve to live (joking, but not really).

Fellas...know when to displace your feelings and emotions:

Instagram, Twitter, FB are NOT your damn diaries! Being too sensitive is a sign of weakness. I'm not saying you can't express how you feel, but there's a time and a place for all of that and on social networks...it's not the place nor the time (in my opinion). You think women are looking at what you post like, "awww, he's so sweet, bendito"? No! They're looking at you like, "if this dude don't man up with his b**** ass!" No woman wants to be with a man who is more feminine than she is, period point blank. You get on Instagram and post some sh*t about how "all women aint sh*t but hoes," nahhh cat daddy, all YOUR women ain't sh*t but hoes! What you don't see by doing that is- women who begin to come to the conclusion like, "damn, why he so sensitive? All because I didn't answer his comment back or give him my number?" That right there, is something that's discussed every & any where, with all her friends, and if you think she's not screenshottin ya sh*t and talking about it with her homegirls...hahaha, wooo!

Fellas...stop with hate:

Listen and listen good: there's a difference between being hated on and being disliked. Being hated on...well, if you're familiar with the movie Belly, the part where Nas & DMX are riding thru the neighborhood and ol' boy is eating a banana and says, "Might have to drop a dime on them n****s...I don't like that sh*t...I don't like that sh*t." THAT, that's hate! Being disliked is when I actually know yo monkey ass and you've done sh*t to make me wanna put you in a headlock and toss you head first in a kiddie pool filled with crabs and roaches. You will never see a dude who is educated, hate on another man, why? Because he's too focused on progressing. What you WILL see, is a dude who ain't about sh*t, because he ain't amount to shit, so, he's mad at the fact that you're successful. "He think he fly cause he got them Js on...everybody got them Js!" (but he don't got them) or "that n**** ain't ballin like Meek Mill or Fabolous tho...that's why he pushin that 03 Benz still!" (he taking the bus and train with me every damn day). How you mad at the next man for creating and taking opportunities to better himself tho? And speaking of bettering...

Fellas...stop with the "crab in the bucket" sh*t:

Now if you're unfamiliar with what that means, allow me to explain: if you put some crabs in a bucket, you never have to worry about any escaping because if one looks like he's going to climb out...the others will grab its leg and pull his lil ambitious ass back in! I personally hate the fact that as a man, another man can't be successful without another man trying to pull that man down in some form or fashion. This applies for any race, color, creed, and religion too. I'm not saying you have to be "happy go lucky" for the next man, but there's already added outside pressure on him from other races and women on TOP of the hate you dishin out!

"So if I hang with dudes who ain't about nothin, I ain't nothin too?" - student in the back, far left

In a sense, yes. If you surround yourself with individuals who aren't about progression, you will succumb to that, guaranteed! Dudes have this bad habit of hatin on their own friends instead of celebrating their success and get mad when that friend begins to move away from him. All hate is: someone who admires whatever is that you do (what you're about) and can't duplicate that for themselves. There's this song by Common - "Black, Maybe" listen to it.

Fellas...stop purposely fucking up in relationships:

I will admit: I am part to blame for why I am not in a relationship today. It takes a man to admit his wrong doings and own up to them and seek forgiveness...but straight up and down: you're a bitch if you sabotage your relationship and then put all the blame on your woman like you ain't have a hand in why ya'll ended. You can't expect her to stay faithful, if you're cheating. You can't expect her to stay quite, when all you do is yell. You can't expect her to stay, if you're verbally and/or physically abusive. I was raised without a mother, so at times, I say my pops do some wrong shit and guess what? I grew up to do the same sh*t! We learn from our father's actions and words or the lack thereof. We learn indirectly or directly on how a woman is suppose to be treated. Yes, a woman can raise a man but...it takes a man to show a boy HOW a man is suppose to conduct himself. If you as a man get into a relationship and you know you're gonna want more than one chick to sleep with, stay single. If you know you're not ready to commit, let her know that, don't string her along. The problem isn't that she's crazy (although some of y'all are)...it's us as men doing sh*t to drive her crazy and get mad when she flips the f*** out! All women aren't the same; Cynthia isn't a loud mouth and a bitter b**** like Brandy is and Brandy isn't insecure and heartless, like Cynthia. The more you hurt her, the more conditioned she becomes in believing that men ain't s*** and that Shakira looks more and more attractive each day. You might not wanna hear this fellas but: how you gon look your daughter in the eyes when lil Leo hurt her heart the same way you did her mother... something to consider. Relationships can not and will never be able to stand the test of times, if the foundation is built on lies. I know gettin sex is cool and all but at what point do we look in ourselves and say, "you know what, I think I wanna settle down with Brandy, and build with her!"?

Fellas...we need to do B-E-T-T-E-R!

Dr. MLK Jr. had a dream...y'all dumb-d***heads turned it into a damn nightmare! I'm saying this to challenge you to do better, hell, to want better! F***in them same girls/women/bitches who ain't about sh*t will grow tired and then what? "Ima go stay with moms and stack money?!" Nahhh, because moms enjoys walking around the house, ass naked, watching Golden Girls, while ya pops massages her down in lotion...or, my lil ass will be over there watching bootleg movies, eating up all the chips n' dip! The reality is that as we get older, women look to younger dudes who have promise and potential, not dudes around her age who still lookin to have sex with her and her best friend or who haven't figured out what it is that they want to make of themselves. I'm 26, and I've figured out that at the end of the day, when it's all said and done; ima want someone to watch Golden Girls with and eat apple pie. The problem with us men is that there isn't enough male accountability. Holding each other accountable for our actions, needs to happen more. I'm not saying tattle-tale on your homie, I'm saying bring the man to the side or have an intervention with him because what you don't want is

...your homie eating all your food, drinkin up all the juice, not flushing the toilet, leaving dishes in yo sink, asking you for money, while living on your couch.

Education is key fellas and not just book knowledge: knowledge of self. Be the kind of man that you would want your daughter to date and marry. Blame Kendrick Lamar for this! This was long overdue fellas and real sh*t, I'm here as a man telling...there's more to life than Jordans, side chicks, drugs, and all that crazy stuff. I still have ways to go but, at least I'm on the road...are you? Let's build our kingdoms and become KINGS...leave that peasant life alone.

@renaissance_brotha_