So I Have This Friend...Whose In a Situationship

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent*

Email from @UHateMe__JoinDaClub

Subject: U give advice…I need some

Hi Renaissance Man, my name is Jasmine and my bestie is in love with your lil blogs so I had to read one for myself and I will say, you got it goin on! They be long, but it covers a lot and I like that you kno what you talkin bout. So, basically I need advice because she said you good with the advice. Me and my man have been together, off and on tho (you kno how that be) for about 3 years now and I love him but I don't feel like we goin nowhere you kno what I mean? Like, he cheated, so I cheated. He be talking to other chicks on the gram, so I talk to other dudes on the gram, its only fair lol. But seriously, idk if you listen to Fab but he has this song called Situation ships and I feel that song fits him and me perfectly you know what I mean. So, if you could, could you help me out a lil, I would appreciate that or if you could. thank you renaissance man!!

So I Have This Friend…Whose In A Situationship

For those who are unaware of what a "situationship" is, ABetterBreedOfMan defines a "situationship" in two different ways...

1) a relationship where both parties argue on a constant basis and can't seem to find a common ground with their differences. You become used to each other after a period of time but you're unsure if things should end, stay as is, or change for the better. It's a "situation" that you KNOW needs to be dealt with more sooner than later, but, you're unsure of how to address the problems at hand.

2) something more than a friendship, with relationship like characteristics, but...without the title. So basically: you're having sex, you're going out on dates, you're getting to know each other, all that good stuff but...the two of you HAVE feelings for each other (and this is known) but, you're not together as boyfriend-girlfriend.

stupid, I know, but I digress...

We've all been in a "situationship" once or twice (some more than others) but this song helps to capture just WHAT a "sitatuinonship" truly is in every essence of it's title. For those who have never heard the song by Brooklyn rapper Fabolous, please take a minute to listen (Situationships) before you read the blog.

Done?

*class is in session*

So, you need advice, here it is...

"and all we do is fuck and argue/Yeah that's it, fuck and argue"

When I first heard this, I thought he was saying, "and all we do is fuckin argue/yea that's it, fuck AND argue," as some sort of play on words but I digress. Arguments usually come from a few different places:

A) misunderstanding
B) miscommunication
C) I was hurt by something you said and or did/didn't do

and so on and so forth. Whatever the reason may be, they always lead to sh** being said, that shouldn't have been said in the first place and you regretting whatever it was that you said in the heat of the moment. You're not thinking, you're mad, so, who cares if I hurt your feelings at the moment because all I wanna do is express how I feel and make YOU understand where I'M coming from. You're not responding from a place of understanding, 9/10 it's coming from a place of hurt and anger, so I'm not even thinking logically, I'm just responding and that's where that misunderstanding of the situation can lead to miscommunication. How might you ask? Because now someone is yelling!

You: "You mad over Instagram?"
Them: "No! I'm mad over how you CARRY yourself ON Instagram!"
You: "That makes no sen..."
Them: "NO, NO, BECAUSE I DON'T CARE! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME! ALL YOU DO IS FUCKING, BEAT AROUND THE BUSH AND NEVER LISTEN NOR SEE WHAT THE FUCK I BE SAYIN!!!"

An argument can go from 0-60 in no time when things get heated. Things get said...feelings are hurt...days go by...and now there's that awkwardness. What fixes arguments better than Dr. Phil and Iyanla? S-E-X! You're sorry and they're sorry, so, yall end all that with some sex! You remember what happened in Baby Boy: Yvette and Jody was yelling at each other in one scence, "I hate you...I hate you!", next scene... "Oh I love you! (insert moans and screams here)". Point being: arguments and sex go hand in hand...but does sex, ever truly solve anything? I'll get to that later...

"why have somebody lying with me every night/If they just gon be lying to me every night"

Shit ain't right...them long days gon turn into real awkward nights, trust me! Lying is one of the BIGGEST things we as people hate the most but tend to ignore or put on the back burner quite often when it comes to someone we love. Ya'll in bed talking and you ask your partner something that you KNOW they're gonna lie about but for some reason, you let it slide. If you're laying in the bed with a liar, not only is THAT person a liar, but it makes you an even bigger liar because: what was it that you told that person that you hated the most when ya'll first started talking? You hate, LIARS! "If there's one thing I despise the most: its liars!". I know what youre thinking, "well how am I a liar?" well,

1) you told that person you hate liars but you allow the lying to happen and check it half ass
2) how can you know a person is lying to your face and do not a damn thing about it?!? (that's like me robbing you with condom over a banana, and spray painting it black and saying...its a gun; sh** makes no sense!)
3) you're lying about how you feel! Oh, now y'all Eminem and Rihanna huh, you love the way they lie...f*** outta here! Lying to yourself about how you feel doesn't hurt that person, it hurts YOU ya dumbass!

You might be confused now, but I'll bring it together later...

"used to be lovers, now we, used to each other/keep accusing each other, of us, using the other/and what's crazy is, soon as you fall back they crawl back/saying they sorry and want it all back"

Shit ain't right...after awhile, you just become, used to each other. I put up with ya sh*t- because I love you. You come in late and don't say sh*t- because I've grown not to care. Oh, you don't care- well I don't care. After awhile, your partner becomes like, idk...your roommate and you only go to your roommate when you want/need something. That's when you begin to feel like you're being taken advantage of, used even and that's when, sh*t starts to hit the fan. You stop doing for that person, then you break up, and then it turns into, "this is my sorry fooorrr, 2000 (whatever) " or "I'm sorry babe, I, I just wanted to see if you would fight for me,"

Bruh!

***"titles ain't shit if the story don't match it/now you got a itch, looking for a way to scratch it/flirting online hoping shorty don't catch it"

I star this one because this is probably the biggest thing when it comes to "situationships": non-titled relationships. What this means is: you're with someone, you guys have sex, date, you've become friends, you know their friends, you've met the family, you post subliminal messages about each other on social networks, you've met the kids, basically, it's LIKE you're in a relationship but...neither one of you have decided on taking it to that next level. After awhile you'll want something after not wanting, kinda like the female who wants what you're eating, when her ass could've just ordered it her self. Never and I mean never should no male or female accept being in no, "oh i like you but I'm not looking for anything right now, just someone to kick it with and if things go to that level, ima wait for you to say it because that's not what I wanted in the first place and yes, we will have sex, but you can't be out here having me look stupid, f*cking other people, and if I love you, you have to love me the f*** back," kinda relationship. Why? Because if that person decides to, idk, entertain someone else, technically, you have no right to be mad (unless they blatantly lie to you about it). Now when you're in a relationship, at some point, you're gonna get that itch, and you're gonna wanna explore new options. Twitter, Instagram, and other social networking sites allow you to do just that but the problem with that is, now you gotta keep it on the down low like R. Kelly and don't get caught up, like R. Kelly, and get an asswhippin like, R. Kelly. Flirting online: is cool. Flirting online with the intention on doing something BEYOND just flirting: not cool. To be blunt as possible: stop allowing social networking sites to dictate how your relationship should look and stop allowing yourself to be in these situationships that only benefit you for the meantime; after 25 years old, it's about building into something greater than meaningless sex and matching Jordans...I'm thinking...marriage, kids, house, cars, joint accounts, relationship with the Lord, sex at basketball game.

"you tryna take back something you already said /that's like giving CPR to something already dead"
I'll be as frank as possible with this one: think before you speak because once those words leave out, maannn will, they, do, damage! Verbal abuse is so crazy in a relationship, like, it has the potential of f***ing someone up so bad for the next person and we as the abuser...don't even realize it. You can tell that person you adore them, love them, and all that mushy stuff but the moment, the very moment you say something that catches them off guard, that's totally left field, I mean something sooo hurtful; it's like everything you said PRIOR to that, has gone out the window. You ever burn a bridge and then realize...

how the f*** am I gonna get back across?!

You can't. I mean, you could, if and only if that person decides to send a boat (wants to make amends) and most times, they don't. Never burn a bridge before fully knowing if you're gonna need that same bridge to cross again in life. You know how hard it is to fully forgive someone who you love and trust so much after that same mouth that they just used to tell you they loved you with, rips you apart?!?! 

Bruh!

HOW I SEE IT IS...

*with regards to sex and arguments*
Sex after an argument is cool because that orgasm helps you relax but then what? You cum and those feelings that you have for that person a few minutes, hours, days, weeks ago are still there! Sex did nothing really if you take into consideration that in a few days or a week or so, you're still gonna argue about crap that already happened. My solution: thoroughly talk about what it is without yelling and over-talking. Don't cut each other off, don't dismiss, don't disregard what they're saying, and most importantly...listen AND hear where that person is coming from and think, before you speak.

*with regards to love, trust, & lying picture*
This is how we picture it:

I love you, so I trust you, and because I trust you, I expect you not to lie to me...

But, this is how it goes is:

I love you, I really do, but I don't trust you, so, I lie to you so you won't get(feel) hurt because of what I do(did) because I really do love you!

All of that sh*t is intertwined with each other...think about it.

Situationships my dear, don't work...ever! I say, have a face to face convo with your man and hash things out because if you don't, things will only get worse! Don't wait till its too late to realize that the person who's been riding with you for so long...will actually get out the car and help you fix that flat: let it marinate. Being with someone who is unsure of what you are and where you're going, isn't the person for you. If you need anymore advice, just let me know. Hopefully this song break down helped you.

@renaissance_brotha_

So I Have This Friend: Whose GF Can't Ride...

Names have been changed, but the story remains the same.

Nick: "But deadass Ant...this b**** can't ride d*** for the life of her!!!"
Me: "Bro...tell her how you want it to be done!"Nick: "If only it were that EASY bro, it's not. We went for a bike ride the other day and this b**** was like Meek Mill & his boys on a damn CitiBike...a CITIBIKE!"Me: "Wait, you went, YA'LL went for a bike ride? (insert hard laughing)"Nick: "You mad cause you ain't got no b**** to ride WITH! But deadass boy, she can't ride d***, what should I do?? I know you be writing blogs for these b****es, write one for me fam!"

So I Have This Friend...whose girl can't ride d***!

First and foremost...

DID YOU MISS MEEE!?!?

No? Oh...ok, I digress, but before I start:

Warning: If you are a friend and/or a family member and you MIGHT feel a tad bit uncomfortable with reading/hearing me talking about sex; this blog ain't fo yo ass.

#TURNUP

A lot of you women are out here throwing dirt on guys who can't seem to get it together in the bedroom and for that...may the Lord take vengeance upon thee! Are (some) men garbage in bed? Yes, yes SOME are, but there's a whole lot of them who are NOT (and this blog ain't for them). My boy isn't the only man to feel this way, hell, I've had a few ladies who couldn't ride a d*** but could "drop down and get their eagle on" and hit the electric slide at the drop of a dime! Some of you chicks be like, "Babe, I can't ride, can we just do doggy?" No, not now. Or, "Babe, I've never really...I mean, I don't normally do this (while climbing on top)," well, I've never been to Six Flags, but you gon ride this roller coaster! I know you're laughing while reading this, but how some of y'all claiming to be #BedroomBullies...and can't ride a d***?! That s*** puzzles me! So, here at #ABetterBreedOfMan, I wanna help you ladies get in touch with your...inner, freak if you will. I present to you: how to ride the D SO good, yo mama's mama...would be proud!

Yo Nick, you owe me bro because I'm sure your girl will be reading this!

*class is in session*

Some of you beautiful, intelligent, sexy women are reading this and can identify with the topic: you can't ride d*** well! And that's cool, dot worry boo, I got yoouuu! If you have a man, don't be afraid to practice on him, that's what he's there for; what is he gonna say, no? No man will turn down p****! "I ain't afraid of no man or no d***!" yea yea, I know: that's why you can't ride d***? What's that old saying, "practice makes perfect"? Well, you better lay his ass down, and climb on top, and ride him like a Low-Ridah out in Cali! Something to always keep in mind (and this is with anything): you can’t get better at something if you’re scared to fail. When you tell someone you haven’t done something before, that statement should then be accompanied by you trying. You don’t say you haven’t done something and continue not to do it; without trying you’ll never learn. I'm not suggesting ANY one of you ladies go out here, and have sex with just ol' any guy, just so you can practice...that sh*t ain't cool nor is it attractive. Now Nick, if Amanda comes to you and says, "let's f***! I know you like me being on top so I want to trying something new", strip down to your socks and enjoy the ride my brotha!

Secondly ladies

In order to feel comfortable pleasing your man, you have to be able to please yourself first and him, SECOND! It's just like in life: in order to be selfless, you have to be a lil selfish; so selfishly pleasure yourself with toys me or fingers all you want! There's not a dude out here that won't appreciate you jumping on top and riding him like that mechanical bull at your local bar. If you want to get your nut off and not worry about Minute-Man Mark, go for it. Ladies, in plain English: I want you to do all the nasty sh*t you do in your alone time, when no one is watching, to your man! Make it so nasty, you'll have to pray EXTRA, in church on Sunday (y'all don't hear me tho)! It's not the Mark and Laura show, oh no, it's the Laura Show, co-starring Mark...and his d***. However once you get to that point, learn what pleases him. Who knows you might actually like what he likes and can start killing two birds(freaks) with one stone(move). Dudes like Nick, complain about women that get on top only to please themselves and that’s just selfish; if you want to be a skilled rider you have to learn how to do both. Don't trip tho, I got some techniques that'll have you riding like Ciara (pun all the way intended).

baby grind on meeee! (Pretty Ricky voice)

Remember them guys? Well, if you don't, YouTube them but if you do, ladies: I want you to grind like you're at a high school party! There's not a woman reading this who doesn't enjoy grinding her warm, wet, tight, (meow), and rubbing her clit at the same time until they achieve orgasm. Work them hips, lose some of those calories, and dig your fingers into his chest...not too rough tho! Most guys aren't cumming from grinding, but from friction, there's a difference. Men need to be stroked to achieve orgasm, which grinding can limit.

b-b-b-bounce that p**** and shake dat ass

You know what turns a man on with the quickness, other than you dropping to your knees and putting his d*** in your mouth: watching and feeling you bounce on top of him. The woman who can push a man on his back, climb on top, and f*** him till he has no more energy in his tank...is a keeper! Women that bounce on the d*** usually know exactly what they’re doing and they ride with purpose. You're not worried about the fact that you just got your hair done, noooo. You're not worried about the fact that, you have work in a couple hours, noooo. You're worried about pleasing yourself, because he will be led to believe, you're really doing it for him; which sometimes is never the case (I be knowin ladies). That bounce action is cool for the dudes who enjoy having the breast in their face (like me) or who enjoy watching the ass go up...and down...and up...and down in the Reverse Cowgirl position AND who enjoy smackin that ass while you're at it (I be knowin ladies).

...you got the juice now (insert your name here ladies

I know what you're thinking: what the hell is this fool talking about now! Well, it doesn't mean "juicing" like combining fruits and veggies and sh*t; it simply means to pull and squeeze at the same damn time! Some of y'all (women) don’t know about juicing, but just think about grinding for a second. Grinding is the rubbing of two surfaces to cause friction. However, juicing is when you squeeze AND pull away from him to cause the friction. It’s basically like you’re trying to squeeze and ring him out (kinda like a wash cloth). I want you to squeeze his d*** with your vagina and just look him in the face while you're doing it; I guarantee you he will speed up his pumping, which will make him cum like that! The best position to do this in, is in Reverse Cowgirl...

and speaking OF Reverse Cowgril...

Men like when you ride it...facing the other way! When you climb on top, ride it for a lil bit facing him and then, turn around and: MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THE D*** INSIDE OF YOU (I can't stress that enough)! Place his hands around your waist, and continue with what you were doing. You can lick your nipples if you want, massage your clit while he slaps your ass, hell, you can even fantasize about someone else. It’s just better suited for two people to please one another, yet have the privacy they want while having sex as weird as that may sound.

One time, a friend of mine said, "when I get on top, he does whatever we wants, it's like, I don't have no control of the situation." My answer to that: f*ck him back. Put his hands inside of yours, pin them down, and f*** him until he cums, that simple. A lot of women are quick to say men are intimidated by them but become intimidated by men, in the bedroom: the irony. Here's something you can try: to make you feel a lil more at ease, make him put his hands behind his head, tell him to keep put, and go to work...men like taking orders n' s***.

Lastly,

I spoke about this in the paragraph before last but once again (because it's really that important): don't let the d*** slip out! Now before you start going off and dismiss miss this piece of info, consider this:

size matters! I don't care what any one of you have to say, size matters. Now, with that being said (Kevin Hart voice), it's up you take a peek at the pole he's packing and make sure it doesn't come out! If you have control and I mean COMPLETE control over your body/abilities...the d*** can never and I mean never come out, period-point-blank.

Nick, make her feel comfortable at all times; sex isn't just about catching a nut or two and rolling over and knocking out, it's way deeper than that, it's brackets to this s***. There's levels to this sh*t, and while that may be a line from Meek Mill, it's true in every sense! If you want to give some advice, simply just express how you feel when the two of you are most comfortable and laugh n' sh*t like that, this way, it comes across a lot better.


If you need anything else, holla at me!

Ladies: have you ever felt embarrassed when you got on top? Did you get better? What advice could you offer other women about riding better? Did this post miss anything?

@renaissance_brotha_

He's Not That Into You, Respect The Curve

Me: So, when we chillen again?
Her: I gotta get back to you. I got a busy work week coming up and I don't wanna plan something and something come up, you know.
Me: But isn't your schedule set?
Her: Yea, and?
Me: And, if your schedule is set, and you know what time you get off everyday, how could something that WE plan, together, get rescheduled?
Her: I mean, I'm just keeping my options open. I loved our first date and I would like to see you but I...
Me: But you're swerving me? Be honest.
Her: Those are your words, not mine. I would like to see you again...I just don't know when Sha...
Me: Don't even have to finish that...I'll be in touch.

Was I upset or anything like that? No. I wholeheartedly respect anybody that can keep it 100% with me at ALL TIMES! In this particular case, I saw it coming and once I began to hear another man's name come out, I knew what it was.I was being swerved. I've been swerved more than the Yankees has championships! I can handle rejectionI've learned to handle rejection as I got older and what rejection does is this:

1) keep you down and discourage you from trying again or
2) it can make you look at what might have went wrong, work on that, and approach the next situation, differently.

Now on the flip side...I've swerved more women than the Knicks have championships (they have 2, I've swerved 4 to be exact). Sometimes, women miss the signs that are in front of them because often times, those signs aren't so clear. Other times, they're clearer than a MOTHERF****!!! This piece doesn't come from a place of malice or hurt or any of that (no-no). I'm not using this platform of mine to talk down on the opposite sex or belittle them any (no-no). I'm using this platform of mine to help the women of the world (ok, the ones who frequent my blog) to get a better understanding of what it means when a guy is JUST not that into them as they are lead to believe.

*class is in session*

I know what you're thinking, "what in the HELL does swerve mean?" Well, according to urbandictionary.com, "swerve" is often used to imply dodging someone.

Example:
Brandon: Yo, y'all wait for me! I wanna go to lunch with y'all.
Maria: You really gon wait for him?
Jon Jon: Nah, I'm bout to swerve him and tell him we bout to go Subway!

I digress...

No female wants to be swerved! Y'all will do everything in yall powers to swerve a dude before he swerves you, why? Because (some) women don't know HOW to deal with rejection in a rational manner and will allow it to harbor for a long period of time and so on and so forth. On the other hand...a lot of y'all aren't reading the warning signs placed in front of you! There's this thing called...*thinking to self*...oh, I got it...it's called A HINT! Remember when you were younger and you would play a game and somebody didn't wanna give you a DIRECT response/answer and they would give you a hint? Well, men do the same thing, but we do it in different ways and the following will help you to be able to better identify...

If hints were horse sh*t, you'd be Miley Cirus twerkin all in it! Sure, certain signs aren't that easy to recognize like a guy not calling and texting you if he’s not interested, because men who do that will still entertain you in different ways. "Yo, you really need to stop hittin me up, I'm not feeling you like that," usually gets translated into some sorta bs mixed signal. Sure, he might be thinkin, "damn, you're personality is boring as sh*t but you got some good ass p****...I'll hit you when I need some of those back shots," but what gets said is..."oh yea, oh yea, I enjoyed it too...I can't wait to see you again babe (insert smiley emoji)." Most dudes are gonna curtail what they REALLY wanna say because honestly, things flow better that way, so, he'll keep texting and what not, even tho he's not that interested. Dudes will fake interest in an effort to spare feelings. It’s ironic, by refusing to be rude and leading women on, we create this fake reality which not only wastes her time, but ends up scarring her worse than that initial rejection would have. You think Mike is being nice when he tells you he's busy Monday-Friday to grab something to eat but FINDS time to talk and text with you a majority of the day...hmmm, something smells fishy. You think he doesn't want to get into a relationship with you because he told you over and over...and over, how his last GF did him wrong but he finds time to get into your panties and doesn't look to be in a relationship with you anytime soon...hmmm, something smells fishy. He can tell you the grass is blue and the sky is green and explain the SH*T outta why it is but because you're so caught up, you can't see what dude is doing! Dude ain't busy, he's not incomplete like Sisqo was, you're not his type, and he's not into you like that. He's still a boy, dressed up like a man...give that man an Emmy!

That man performs like Denzel and TALKS pretty damn smooth...but the two of y'all never talk about sh*t! While looks may draw you to each other, one conversation can be the difference between turning someone on and turning someone off. There are girls who assume that because a guy asked for her phone number that he’s interested, that’s half true. He was interested initially, but that doesn't mean you are going to automatically keep his attention. You could be great the first few weeks and then, you fall flat. You know what it's like meeting a new chick? Like Tyrone Biggums taking a hit of CRACK! We as men act like Rick Ross at an all you can eat buffet when we meet a new chick! If you're not doing your job and we've been on a few dates and things are just blah and we meet someone new...8/10 you're getting swerved hun. You think those basic ass convos y'all have mean something? Nah. Think about all of what yall talk about. Now I want you to think about how much of that is VALUABLE info....calculate that...*add the 1*...if you guys spend 1 1/2 hours or more on the phone and only 20-sumthin mins of it is useful info, that's something to think about. The contents of your conversation will reveal all if you’re willing to take your head out of your ass, stop smiling, and actually pay attention. When a dude is young, all he has is his convo, why? Because he's not allowed to do much BESIDES talk and get to know you & plus, it's bs convo. An older man ain't got time to be spending on the phone, talking about basic issues like y'all did in HS. There’s a difference between a man who asks how your day was and means it, and one who is just trying to get brownie points. If he really cares he will ask deeper questions: is your co-worker still getting on your nerves? How's so&so doing? Hell, if he kicks you off the phone because he knows you have school work to do, *ding ding ding*. A man who is interested will be invested. If you’re a grown woman and your “friend” only wants to talk about sending nudes, when you’re coming over, or always playing video games or watching t.v., not paying you no-neva-mind, then he’s not invested in your life, he’s invested in his life. Stop the HS sh*t and grow up.

"But the guy I'm with took me out already and we're friends on social networks!" - student sitting in the middle.

I'm glad you said that because that brings me to my next point: a date or two and following each other on social networks means sh*t these days! You think ima let you tag me in your pics when we go out on a date? Nah. B****, crop me out the photo and say you're out with "him"...b****es like "him. Now, just because we talk a lot via DM, FBM, etc means nothing! How the hell can I tell if you're being nice or sarcastic via a convo thru your inbox? I can't, unless you state it. Guys are a lot more thirsty, which is easy to pick up on but ladies, it's done differently. Just because he entertains you on these networks, doesn't necessarily mean he's feeling you. Honesty is brutal, but it’s also the most decent thing a person can practice. Dudes who are interested, will ask you for your number and continue it offline, and as the two of you have built up enough familiarity, he might even ask you on a date. Now I know a lot of you ladies will shake ya heads at this but if a guy likes you, he will try to have sex with you early. We might get rejected but a man likes a challenge.  This is done...well, I won't say why it's done. Guys who aren't really interested may still try to hit, but it’s a half-ass attempt because she’s not worthy of his "LeBron in the Playoffs type game." You got him to take you to the place that has great margaritas and mediocre steak, round of applause. But what did you learn on that date? I'll answer: sh*t. He wasn't that interested so he allowed you to pick the place and lies to you when he said, "oh yea, I had a good time, when ima see you again?" Probably never because you ain't let him hit it, you ordered mad sh*t and only ate a quarter of it, talked about how North West is a dumb name for a child, how your professor is always late, and...you ended the date with a messily ass church hug, you're lucky if you get a text! It's not all about sex, but, if you're not f***king by date two, considered yourself canceled.

If a man likes you, he will do any and every thing it is in his powers to see you, point blank. If he rearranges his schedule just to fit you in, that's a clear sign he wants to see you especially if he plans the damn date. If he gives you some sh*t like, "I can't do it, I tol my cousin I'd wait on line with him for them new Js," or some s*** like, "I don't wanna stay out too late because I have work at 1...pm," clearly that's a sign he's not into you. No man makes excuses not to see a woman he likes, but he will create a laundry list to avoid the women he doesn't like. Open your f***ing eyes, if he was down for you, he would be around you. Where’s that "him" you’re refusing to talk to other guys for? Where’s that "him" you've been making subtweets/post about? Where’s the "him" that you’re thinking about right now? He’s where he wants to be, and clearly that isn't with you. Talk is cheap...and so is the leather quality on the Jordans he wears while he's out with the chick he's REALLY interested in! If you think you're too "all that" to not get curved...consider the last guy you've talked to and it didn't go accordingly...I'll wait...

Stop ignoring the signs and making excuses! If a guy is not that into, he's simply not that into you. Fellas, stop leading this women on as well. Not only are you f***ing yourselves up but you're damaging her as well! Insecurities don't just come from family, friends, and life experiences, they come from the relationships they have with men! At the end of the day tho, ladies

...you gotta respect the curve.

@renaissance_brotha_

Girl Code

So back in 2011 MTV thought of the great idea to bring the unwritten laws of man to T.V. and since then, this show has been a success! This show ladies and gentlemen...

is Guy Code.

Honestly, I was against the show because to me, how in the hell are you gonna expose some of the great things that bond US, as men, together regardless of race, age, color, creed, religion, or gang affiliation. So when it first started to come on, I watched, not too much impressed, but now, I watch it whenever it's on! And why? Because it's pretty damn accurate for the most part and...it's hilarious! Now the show doesn't explain all things regarding men but it does a pretty good job covering the basic things. In reality, there are certain things we just don’t do to one another (men) unless betrayed first. There's been PLENTY of times where a dude would hit me up and say, "aye bro, ummm, I've been talkin to so&so and we think that blog sh*t you're doin is cool, we f**k wit it but ummm...why you snitchin on us bruh!?" To me, I don't see it as snitchin, I mean, a lot of men snitch on themselves way more but, I digress. Today's class won't be about Guy Code, oh no, today we're gonna dicuss...Girl Code.

No, not the spin off show that MTV is doing of Guy Code...well, yea, it is like that, but just in blog form, and a lil more ratchet and funnier. I've learned over the years that there is no unwritten rule between women, which is why females constantly say, "I don't hang with b****es because they can't be trusted! That's why I hang with men more,"...righ-t! Here's what I've learned over the years: a female will betray another girl to gain favor with a man, how fucked up is that? My good friend tells me this all the time, "you know Ant, you're a good guy, because I don't see HOW you f***in befriend these chicks because on the real...females ain't s***!" You know how guys handle sitautions that are too much for words, they fight. Females on the other hand, are a lot more mean and vicious and won't stop till tears are messing with the makes-up, blood is drawn, and weave is missing. A man will see another man out and they could be beefin over he say-she say and they'll be at the club and they'll either

A) step outside, talk about it and if words don't work,
B) they'll fight

and once they fight, they'l go back to that friendship they had but better. A female could be in the same situation and throw shade the whole night and then two weeks later they'll be dancing to "Doo Doo Brown" together with dudes who are more than likely to follow them around the club the whole night, just as THIRSTY as they wanna be but then next week...won't be messin with each other.

So for those men/women who are uncertain of Girl Code, here you go

*class is in session*

"Girlll, I'm Goin Thru IT!":
Don't ever share your struggle with the next chick, not even ya mama! Ok, I'm joking about your mother, but seriously, don't share your problems with the next chick. “Girlll, let me tell you how bad sh*t is right now: I can't afford this weave, I can't get them heels, I can't keep a man because he don't want nothin to do with me or lil' Javoni. My check came up short and I had to borrow money from that big headed ass n**** A.J. and you know he said yes...but only if I gave him head." I don’t care if you have money issues, health issues, or relationship issues, don’t share your struggle with these chicks. You and Sherri might be cool this month, she may even give you good advice, but one day soon you will be beefing over something stupid and Sherri will tell Nicki n' dem: “You know she be sucking n****s dicks for money when her phone bill due?” or “They found a crabs all in her coochie? It came from fucking all those dirty dudes who be at the club” or “You know her Mother lost her job and be borrowing money from her, bet she on crack again!? Girlll, you know her mama like Keyshia Cole mama now!” Anything you tell your present bestie, know it can be used to slander once she becomes your future enemy. I’ve seen it happen dozens of times.

"Let Me Borrow Money Till Thursday So I Can Fill My Tank Girl":
I don't care if you're White, Black, Asian, Middle Eastern, Latino, or a damn alien...your homegirl will ALWAYS keep a running tab on the money she's lent you. If I pay for my boy to get in the club or buy him dinner, it’s not, “remember you owe me $37.50”that's just that. When a girl does another girl’s hair she’s counting how much grease she used, the oil sheen, and the electricity consumed while that b**** had the blow dryer running. You go out to the club; you can’t get a nigga to buy you that Patron & Pineapples that you need to back ya ass up? “Oh I got you girl” b**** please, best believe your homegirl just added that 9 dollars to her mental note pad. Next time you’re out and its time to pay for something, “ummm, but what about that $103 you owe me tho” The other girl will have no idea how she’s amassed this much debt, she thought her friend was helping her out. And don’t try and get out of paying unless you want to ruin your credit score, it goes Experian, Equifax, TransUnion, and Amber Washington. If you don’t pay up she will go to the sisterhood and ruin your credit with them by saying, “don’t let that b**** hold nuffin girl, she dead ass won't pay you back.” So if you’re on hard times, and need 20 dollars to get in the club, I suggest you make up an excuse as to why you can’t come out. When you put money between two females the friendship will not last.

"Terrance? Yea, His Pipe Game Is Good Girl!":
Females talk about sex, that's a given. I use to think it was cute to be talked about amongst females, "oh Ant, yea girl, he can do some-THANGS with his tongue and girlll, he..." you get the point but these woman today go IN. I once walked into a speaker phone conversation of a girl explaining how some guy’s dick wasn’t that long but it was wide, and how she prefers short thicker ones rather than long skinny ones, I had to walk out of the room because it grossed me out, yet that description stuck with me because it was so traumatizing to hear a girl talk like that. But for a woman it satisfies a curiosity, and plants seeds. If you tell your homegirl how good he is at eating pu$$y or that he went extra and ate your ass, she stores that in her head. You talk about his dick game being the best you’ve had, even the most loyal woman will store that data like a motherf***ing usb drive. You’re sisters, nothing will happen right? #Haaaaa! You told her he made you cum…this girl doesn’t even know what that feels like. Why wouldn’t she want conduct her own test? I’ve had it happen on a few different occasions where the friends of an ex gave me their number. This one girl was my ex’s super best friend, they were like blood sisters. I started talking to her on the phone and I’m like, “so yall don’t hang anymore?” this hoe had the nerve to say, “she was just over here, that’s what reminded me to call you”. I’m a man, I have no obligation to the ex not to f*** her friend, but her friend should have enough respect for her not to go there. I stopped talking to her because I knew what the end result would be between the two of them, but in retrospect I should have smashed and let them deal with it. Don’t kiss and tell.

Three Months:
I know she’s your friend, and you don’t want to end up as “that girl” who picked up the leftovers, but f*** that. If your friend dates a guy for three months or less, you have the right to sign him to a contract. Don’t ask permission because she’ll say, “I was thinking about getting back with him” just to keep you at bay. I suggest giving her a one month period after the breakup to pick up the option on the ex boyfriend. If she doesn’t get back with him in those 30 days or talk about going back to him, then you’re free to do your thing.

"Oooo, Girl, Where You Get That From?":
“That is FLY...where you get that from girl?" I hate hearing that s***. Every time I’m out with one of my homegirls, someone asks her some random question about a bracelet or a blouse. Why do you care? Why would you want to go buy something another girl has? I remember girls used to front back in the day, “I got this from (insert some famous spot)” for some reason when I was younger every girl would lie and say they brought clothes from (insert some famous spot) where in reality they brought it from Aero or Rainbow. Thanks to the internet you can get fly with clothing from Paris, Japan, or even some hand me down shit you found on Craigslist and no biting ass hoe can steal your swag as long as you delete your browser history. Where did you get that? Just say, “Craiglist”.

"Darren, That's My Bro Girl, You Better Keep Him, I Like Him":
A good man is hard to find, so use your three month rule. You know your homegirl has issues, she doesn’t know how to keep a man, and she’ll always go running back to her ex from four years ago. So why not do some pre-gaming of your own? Talk to her current boyfriend, see what he likes, if he’s cool, has a good job. Give him the flirt test to make sure he’s not a cheater. Your homegirl will fill you in on the sex stuff and there you have it, more info than eHarmony could ever give you. Who knows, he may be way more compatible with you than he was with her. By the end of their two month relationship, you can pretend to just find him on Facebook, and then proceed to ask, “so what have you been up to, buddy?”.

Fri-enemy:
You love her, you’ll do anything for her, she’s your motherf***ing girl— I understand. But do me this one favor, in the back of your head; know that any moment she can turn on you. Have you ever seen the Terminator sequels? The T2 has been reprogrammed to be John Connor’s friend and protect him. But Sarah Connor, being the wise woman that she is, warns her son, “He’s still a Machine”. John Connor loves the Terminator, but he has to be prepared for that son of a b**** to go Skynet on him. So while they laugh and say “Hasta La Vista Baby”, John is only seconds away from blowing his f***ing head off. That’s what it’s like to be a girl, you can trust your girlfriend all you want, but as soon as a new girl comes around, a cute guy comes into the picture, or a promotion is up for grabs, she will Terminate your ass using all the information you’ve given her over the years.

So in closing, women all across the world need to establish a set group of laws, so that the friendship can stay intact thru hell and high waters.

*class dismissed*

@renaissnace_brotha