So I Have This Friend...Whose # Is High Or Low- Depending

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I'm taking a break from finishing my paper to ask you something because Tony and I can't seem to agree on anything especially on this sex issue!!! Ok, you ready, well...I asked him his "number" the other day and he got soooo upset with me like, Renaissance Man, you have nooooooooo idea how mad this man was but, we talked about it for hours the next day (I was late to work because of it) and we put it to rest. He was all like, "Tari you tripping, it didn't matter because that was a long time ago" but I'm like, "nope, I need to know!" (I was clapping my hands like you lol don't judge me). Me and my girls feel the SAME WAY like, we need to know how many you been wit because I'm not tryna say "I do" to no hoe...not sayin my boo is s hoe but you know what I mean ---HELP ME friend! Women wanna know what's up big head.

***

Do we ever just wanna know the number of people our partner has slept with? Is it ever, "just" "a" "number"? Why is Chiptole so damn good? Why do Black Lives Matter only in the f...

the first two questions (and more) will be answered in today's read...

So I Have This Friend...whose # is high or low- depending

At some point or another, you will be asked the amount of people you've had sex with by either:

a) your doctor

b) parent(s)

c) your current partner

d) a person of interest

e) all of the above

For (some) women, its E and for (some) men, it's A, C, and D, why? Well, women are viewed differently and held to a higher regard when it comes to sex and men, well, we aren't but does one's sexual partners matter??? Ima go ahead and say...it really depends on who you ask but to me, nah. I personally don't care about the number of men you've been with but I'll crack into that later in the piece, but for my friend who asked for help, here we go...

***

If YOU, as a woman, ask a guy how many ladies he's been with, more times than none he's not gonna be honest with you. Now, don't get your boy shorts in a bunch, just hear me out real quick. If (insert name) tells you his number and it's too high, by your standards that is, HE'S under the impression you're gonna judge him and you're gonna think he was or still very much is, some type of hoe!

"Where was you when I called and you didn't answer?"

"I told you I was taking my moms out for dinner babe...what you talking about!"

"Mmhmm, your mother right...I already know how you get down Mr. 4-5!"

Once you're aware of his number, he goes from, "giiiirl, bae is everything! Yess, I love my bae!" to, (insert name): Male Thot. 

Now if he tells you and the number is low...you're gonna look at him like he's either lying or he's not adequate enough to sleep with you. You know how insecure a guy will feel when shares his number and that number is low???

"So, how many have you really been with besides me?"

"*sigh* 6"

"You lying! ... Really? Awwwww!"

"Awwwww" ... No grown ass man wants to hear awww when it comes to sh*t like that...

I (hand clap) don't (hand clap) care (hand clap, hand clap)! Don't awww me chick!

Just...let it go. There's no reason to create stress with sh*t that went on before you. Now, if his number is high and he's still taking down women like a young Wilt Chamberlain...that's a problem you'll have to deal with accordingly. If his number is low and you like him and you feel he can use practice like Allen Iverson...that is also something you'll have to handle accordingly. Ball is in your court.

If YOU, as a man, ask a woman how many men she's slept with...she's not gonna be completely honest with you. Now, just hear me out real quick before you start throwing your hands in the air and calling them bit**es and what not! The same reasons she doesn't wanna be completely honest with you, is the same reasons we as MEN don't want to...outta fear of being judged. In the face of society; double standards and women- do NOT flow together. If you ask (insert name) her number and it is too high, by your standards that is, SHE'S under the impression you're gonna look at her differently and/or she was or still is (in your head at least) some type of hoe.

"Where you off to?"

"Going to go meet up with Marissa and some of her friends to bowl."

"You mean the Marrisa you had that threesome with bac..."

"Relax babe, it ain't even that kinda party!"

"Mmhmm, yea, whatever! If you plan on doing anything just make sure you have him wrap it up."

Once you're aware of her number, she goes from, "my WCW is better than yours!" to, Thotahontas.

Now, if she tells you her number and it's low...you're gonna think she's out here suckin every dude's peepee! Some men have this logic where, if she ain't fu**in, she suckin and honestly, that's a lose-lose situation either way you look at it.

"You can be honest with me babe, like, it don't even matter, like, we grown."

"*sigh* I've slept with 4, which 3 were were boyfriends and 1 was just a fling but...I have given head to about 10 or mor..."

"Oh, so you was out there suckin like the New York Knicks huh...oh, oh, you ain't fu**** but you suuuure as hell lettin these dudes, start a family, in ya DAMN MOUTH!"

Just...let it go. There's too much ego and double standard mumbo jumbo involved when it comes to women and sex and quite frankly...it ain't even that deep. She has a past...just like you do. She enjoys sex (if not more)...just like you do. So why would you stress over s*** that was going on before you were even in the picture! Now, if she's still out here thottin-n-boppin- that's up to you, on how you wanna handle it. If she isn't that sexually experienced and you feeling her...practice does make perfect right?

Now, the reason I don't care is because like I've said previously; it was in the past and not with me! The quantity isn't important to me, the QUALITY of the person they've been with is the factor. If you've been with someone who only looked at you like you were just a tool for sex, followed by someone who was corny in the sack followed by mediocre sex coupled with a decent personality followed by someone who cheated on you and so on and so forth...that's a whole damn different can of worms we'll have to deal with. More importantly tho...I wanna know is ya healthy!!! If you're *VagFax* says you've been with 14 dudes, then I need to know what the CLINIC has to say as well! I'm up for either a) us going together or b) you going and bringing back the results because I'm not tryna slide inside of you clean and pull out and my entire penis looks goulash! I disagree with those who think that a number will determine if you like them or not- strongly disagree actually. Morals, qualities, one's behavior, level of maturity, like those are the things that should matter the most...not how many they've f***ed BEFORE you! Women act like, if they stumbled across a guy who fulfills their standards but found out later down the line that he was out there screwing everything with a pulse, that they're gonna stop dealing with him...you're lying to yourself and  I will call you/FaceTime you to tell you that you're a liar! Dudes act like, if they bag a girl who looks good, has her own everything, is smart, funny like Gina from Martin and they found out later down the line that she was smashing everybody BUT, the homies, they're gonna stop dealing with her. Some might but if that's the case, he's weak...and I will say that to any man's face. When you focus on the wrong sh** shit, you end up missing things that are going right...but what do I know.

Hope this helped and if you have any more questions, comments, concerns, you know how to get at me.

@renaissance_brotha_

So I Have This Friend...Who Cums Quick

I usually get women who hit me up about men who ejaculate too quick during sex but when a dude KiK'd awhile back (a private messenger app)

...I was taken aback just a lil,

Trevor: "Hey brush, umm, my girl Diane said you give good advice?"
Me: "Oh...you mean @TastiiieCakes?"
Trevor: "Yea, that's all me bruh"
Me: "Oh ok, yea yea, I'm good I guess, I don't toot my own honor"
Trevor: 'Lol, yea man I feel you bruh, too many dudes be cocky about junk ya feel me, you a modest dude from what I hear"
Me: "My head big already, so I can't be out here making it bigger. What can I help you with champ"
Trevor: "Alright, I love my girl, but, I have this issue...and I know I don't know you and I hope if you decide to use this in a blog bruh you respect me and not use my name"
Me: "You have my word"
Trevor: "I cum quick bruh n that sh*t be too *motherf***in good bruh I can't help but to do it. I cheated on her, to see if it was her, and the 4 other girls I f***ed bruh...it happened mad times bruh!"
Me: "Wait wait, 4????"
Trevor: "4 bruh. I pill'em bruh! I just don't know what to do bruh. Doc said i'm fine brush but idk, maybe you know something I don't brush you look like a Urkel kinda dude like no offense bruh"
Me: "I hear it all the time. But I'll make a blog because a lot of females hit me up"
Trevor: "fa who brush brush you 100 in my book, just don't put me or wifey name in it bruh and make that sh*t funny bruh"

So I Have This Friend...who cums quick

Over the years, many women have reached out to me to voice their complaints about men....who can't keep it up long enough for them to enjoy sex more than 10 minutes because they ejaculate too quick. Now, this might be surprising to some, but, it's a reality for many. You know how hard it is for a man to NOT slide in it and feel that warmth, that wetness, to feel that special bond between vagina and penis, that tightness and not wanna bust off quick? Sh*t is enough to make a brotha go crayyyy-zay (Old Dirty Bastard voice)! Myself...I know what its like to, you know, be in some p**** that's so damn good that when you think you're about to give her that NBA type d***...you come up short like high school JV players against the Varsity team.

I know some of you ladies will say, "well, I know my stuff is GOOD, so if he cum too quick, that's ok, I understand,"

b****, no you don't.

The moment it happens more than twice, you're on the phone with one of your girls and you're singing like Alicia Keys about his short cummings (pun all the way intended). Maybe you do have the holy grail of vagina or maybe it's because he hasn't gotten any in a long time or maybe he really does have a medical issue but whatever the case is; ain't nobody got time for that!

I'm joking,

but Trevor-Trev, here are a few ways you can prevent yourself from "shooting up the playground too quick"

1) tell her ass to get on t-t-t-top:

What's sexier than seeing her ride?

A BACON SANDWICH WITH SCRAMBLED EGG WHITES SWISS CHEESE AND KETCHUP!

Okay, I'm joking...slightly...but nothing is quite sexier than a woman who will straddle you from dusk to dawn! I like when a woman rides, why?
-she gets to feel all of this D!
-I get to play with her breast...while she feels all of this D!
-I get to see her eyes roll to the back of her head (ROLL'EM *Kevin Hart voice*)
-lastly...when I don't want her to ride anymore, I can just tell her to crawl up and put that p**** on my face- BOOM!

Naw, if I know I'm finna nut in the missionary position, I just act like I'm being aggressive and tell her some sh** like, "get on top...and ride daddy dick!" It's about control and when you give her control...boooy, she'll think she's Queen Elizabeth or...

Hustle & Flow her ass

You let her ride you and more times than none, she'll cum, hell, talk dirty to her while she's on top, play with her clit even! You do this because when she cums, you can cum right after, "baby I'm cumin too!!!"

*and they both came, happily, ever after*

2) grandma fist pumpin naked with heels on:
An ugly image right? Exactly! Wanna hold that nut in just a lil bit longer: think of random sh*t! This one time, I swear to you, the moment I went inside...I had to back out and look at her like,

WTF!!!

Haha, ya'll might be laughing but dead-ass, this was me! Sometimes we as men underestimate just how good the vagina just might be, so, we go in like, "yeaaaa, I'm bout to put in that work," and 5 minutes later its like, "...so you want water? I got water." You have to think of different sh*t to keep your mind off of what is going on! I say, listen to your iPod...actually, don't listen to me because I did that and she got hers off and till this day I haven't seen her since...I mean, she said it was good...but that was many moons ago. Fellas: get your mind OUT of the vagina, focus, so you can stay IN, the vagina. Puppies, old folks, that homeless couple that always ask you for money, the annoying fat guy at work that always ask you annoying ass questions, your uncle who thinks all the girls you bring to the family BBQs like him, but don't, or...think dead people...that always helps.

3) you dip'it then you flip:
Another great technique? Take it out and flip it gently on her clit! Not only will this buy you some time but it will also please her as well. When you're having sex (oral or intercourse), focusing on the clit is ideal!!! When you're giving her oral, you focus on the clit. When you're hittin it from the back, reach around and rub on the clit. Take it out and just start playing with it right on her vagina. Sh** is sexy to her, I mean, no one wants you to tease them, but, this will buy you some much needed time like I said. You catch your breath, hell, rub on her clit with your fingers just a lil, dip them in her, taste it, all that freak sh**, and then you just slide back in...slowly. You go from about to climax, to heightening hers in a matter of mins, but, if this doesn't work...

*** 4) eat itttt (eat it) eat itttt (eat it)/think you bout to nut, just eatttt it:
And this my friend, is how I got great...at oral pleasure! Joking...eating pudding and cupped snacks is. The moment you think you're about to nut, I don't care if she's screaming, "don't stop...ooh, baby, ohh, baby!" yo ass better stop what you're doing and go downtown and enjoy her! Yes, I advocate for, "if he's about to cum too quick, give a lil head to slow down that climax," head. You kidding me? If you're a woman who doesn't enjoy gettin the d*** and then gettin head in-between, then you haven't had sex with me the right guy yet. Sure, I know being at the height of your orgasm and then having it taken away from you is beyond annoying...but for head? I think of it like a fast break in basketball: sure, D. Wade (Miami Heat player) can just do a spin move or crossover the defender and slam it home but he knows that LeBron's ass (Miami Heat player) is RIGHT behind him, so, he's gonna double check and see exactly where he is and then alley-oop it to him; win-win for the whole team.

If you're wondering about the analogy, here's the breakdown:

D. Wade is your penis Trev, you figure, cumin too quick would just be selfish (scoring off of the fast break), so, you wanna give the assist to your homie LeBron (your tongue) so he can shine too!

Moral of the story here: if you think you're about to nut too fast, eat her ass...I mean vagina, eat her vagina.

5) meditate x yoga x exercise more:
You might laugh but doctors will suggest this because of the health benefits associated with all three. Mediate, and you are at peace with the world. In terms of sex? You're refocusing your attention elsewhere so you not releasing yourself all inside of her just yet. Yoga is good for the body and blood circulation. In terms of sex? You learn some positions and you end up putting her ass to SLEEP! Exercising is just all around great for you as you may already know. In terms of sex? You discipline yourself, get some strength, and pick her ass up and do it like Mimi and Nikko...in the shower...cause the rest of that sex tape was wiggdty-wack!

and all this sh*t don't work:

JUST (claps hands) CUM (claps hands, claps hands)

There's no sense in stressing your body out in trying to keep that in, so, just let it out. I hope this has helped you more than it has made you laugh because if it's actually a serious problem, you really need to revisit a doctor and see what's up. Some women will tell you that if she loves you, sex isn't a factor...bull AND sh**; no woman will stay with a guy who can't treat the p**** better than Kanye West takes care of Kanye West! No woman wants...

"a quick, pumper"

I know how it gets tho...you're f***ing and it's just so good, you pleasing her and she's loving it...but in the back of your mind, you're trying hard NOT to nut too quick...so your nut, turns into a Trey Songz song,

"I don't wanna leeeeeeave, but I gotta go right nooooow/I'll be back (up) befooooore, you know it"

or whatever he was crying about.

@Renaissance_Brotha_

So I Have This Friend...Whose In a Situationship

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent*

Email from @UHateMe__JoinDaClub

Subject: U give advice…I need some

Hi Renaissance Man, my name is Jasmine and my bestie is in love with your lil blogs so I had to read one for myself and I will say, you got it goin on! They be long, but it covers a lot and I like that you kno what you talkin bout. So, basically I need advice because she said you good with the advice. Me and my man have been together, off and on tho (you kno how that be) for about 3 years now and I love him but I don't feel like we goin nowhere you kno what I mean? Like, he cheated, so I cheated. He be talking to other chicks on the gram, so I talk to other dudes on the gram, its only fair lol. But seriously, idk if you listen to Fab but he has this song called Situation ships and I feel that song fits him and me perfectly you know what I mean. So, if you could, could you help me out a lil, I would appreciate that or if you could. thank you renaissance man!!

So I Have This Friend…Whose In A Situationship

For those who are unaware of what a "situationship" is, ABetterBreedOfMan defines a "situationship" in two different ways...

1) a relationship where both parties argue on a constant basis and can't seem to find a common ground with their differences. You become used to each other after a period of time but you're unsure if things should end, stay as is, or change for the better. It's a "situation" that you KNOW needs to be dealt with more sooner than later, but, you're unsure of how to address the problems at hand.

2) something more than a friendship, with relationship like characteristics, but...without the title. So basically: you're having sex, you're going out on dates, you're getting to know each other, all that good stuff but...the two of you HAVE feelings for each other (and this is known) but, you're not together as boyfriend-girlfriend.

stupid, I know, but I digress...

We've all been in a "situationship" once or twice (some more than others) but this song helps to capture just WHAT a "sitatuinonship" truly is in every essence of it's title. For those who have never heard the song by Brooklyn rapper Fabolous, please take a minute to listen (Situationships) before you read the blog.

Done?

*class is in session*

So, you need advice, here it is...

"and all we do is fuck and argue/Yeah that's it, fuck and argue"

When I first heard this, I thought he was saying, "and all we do is fuckin argue/yea that's it, fuck AND argue," as some sort of play on words but I digress. Arguments usually come from a few different places:

A) misunderstanding
B) miscommunication
C) I was hurt by something you said and or did/didn't do

and so on and so forth. Whatever the reason may be, they always lead to sh** being said, that shouldn't have been said in the first place and you regretting whatever it was that you said in the heat of the moment. You're not thinking, you're mad, so, who cares if I hurt your feelings at the moment because all I wanna do is express how I feel and make YOU understand where I'M coming from. You're not responding from a place of understanding, 9/10 it's coming from a place of hurt and anger, so I'm not even thinking logically, I'm just responding and that's where that misunderstanding of the situation can lead to miscommunication. How might you ask? Because now someone is yelling!

You: "You mad over Instagram?"
Them: "No! I'm mad over how you CARRY yourself ON Instagram!"
You: "That makes no sen..."
Them: "NO, NO, BECAUSE I DON'T CARE! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME! ALL YOU DO IS FUCKING, BEAT AROUND THE BUSH AND NEVER LISTEN NOR SEE WHAT THE FUCK I BE SAYIN!!!"

An argument can go from 0-60 in no time when things get heated. Things get said...feelings are hurt...days go by...and now there's that awkwardness. What fixes arguments better than Dr. Phil and Iyanla? S-E-X! You're sorry and they're sorry, so, yall end all that with some sex! You remember what happened in Baby Boy: Yvette and Jody was yelling at each other in one scence, "I hate you...I hate you!", next scene... "Oh I love you! (insert moans and screams here)". Point being: arguments and sex go hand in hand...but does sex, ever truly solve anything? I'll get to that later...

"why have somebody lying with me every night/If they just gon be lying to me every night"

Shit ain't right...them long days gon turn into real awkward nights, trust me! Lying is one of the BIGGEST things we as people hate the most but tend to ignore or put on the back burner quite often when it comes to someone we love. Ya'll in bed talking and you ask your partner something that you KNOW they're gonna lie about but for some reason, you let it slide. If you're laying in the bed with a liar, not only is THAT person a liar, but it makes you an even bigger liar because: what was it that you told that person that you hated the most when ya'll first started talking? You hate, LIARS! "If there's one thing I despise the most: its liars!". I know what youre thinking, "well how am I a liar?" well,

1) you told that person you hate liars but you allow the lying to happen and check it half ass
2) how can you know a person is lying to your face and do not a damn thing about it?!? (that's like me robbing you with condom over a banana, and spray painting it black and saying...its a gun; sh** makes no sense!)
3) you're lying about how you feel! Oh, now y'all Eminem and Rihanna huh, you love the way they lie...f*** outta here! Lying to yourself about how you feel doesn't hurt that person, it hurts YOU ya dumbass!

You might be confused now, but I'll bring it together later...

"used to be lovers, now we, used to each other/keep accusing each other, of us, using the other/and what's crazy is, soon as you fall back they crawl back/saying they sorry and want it all back"

Shit ain't right...after awhile, you just become, used to each other. I put up with ya sh*t- because I love you. You come in late and don't say sh*t- because I've grown not to care. Oh, you don't care- well I don't care. After awhile, your partner becomes like, idk...your roommate and you only go to your roommate when you want/need something. That's when you begin to feel like you're being taken advantage of, used even and that's when, sh*t starts to hit the fan. You stop doing for that person, then you break up, and then it turns into, "this is my sorry fooorrr, 2000 (whatever) " or "I'm sorry babe, I, I just wanted to see if you would fight for me,"

Bruh!

***"titles ain't shit if the story don't match it/now you got a itch, looking for a way to scratch it/flirting online hoping shorty don't catch it"

I star this one because this is probably the biggest thing when it comes to "situationships": non-titled relationships. What this means is: you're with someone, you guys have sex, date, you've become friends, you know their friends, you've met the family, you post subliminal messages about each other on social networks, you've met the kids, basically, it's LIKE you're in a relationship but...neither one of you have decided on taking it to that next level. After awhile you'll want something after not wanting, kinda like the female who wants what you're eating, when her ass could've just ordered it her self. Never and I mean never should no male or female accept being in no, "oh i like you but I'm not looking for anything right now, just someone to kick it with and if things go to that level, ima wait for you to say it because that's not what I wanted in the first place and yes, we will have sex, but you can't be out here having me look stupid, f*cking other people, and if I love you, you have to love me the f*** back," kinda relationship. Why? Because if that person decides to, idk, entertain someone else, technically, you have no right to be mad (unless they blatantly lie to you about it). Now when you're in a relationship, at some point, you're gonna get that itch, and you're gonna wanna explore new options. Twitter, Instagram, and other social networking sites allow you to do just that but the problem with that is, now you gotta keep it on the down low like R. Kelly and don't get caught up, like R. Kelly, and get an asswhippin like, R. Kelly. Flirting online: is cool. Flirting online with the intention on doing something BEYOND just flirting: not cool. To be blunt as possible: stop allowing social networking sites to dictate how your relationship should look and stop allowing yourself to be in these situationships that only benefit you for the meantime; after 25 years old, it's about building into something greater than meaningless sex and matching Jordans...I'm thinking...marriage, kids, house, cars, joint accounts, relationship with the Lord, sex at basketball game.

"you tryna take back something you already said /that's like giving CPR to something already dead"
I'll be as frank as possible with this one: think before you speak because once those words leave out, maannn will, they, do, damage! Verbal abuse is so crazy in a relationship, like, it has the potential of f***ing someone up so bad for the next person and we as the abuser...don't even realize it. You can tell that person you adore them, love them, and all that mushy stuff but the moment, the very moment you say something that catches them off guard, that's totally left field, I mean something sooo hurtful; it's like everything you said PRIOR to that, has gone out the window. You ever burn a bridge and then realize...

how the f*** am I gonna get back across?!

You can't. I mean, you could, if and only if that person decides to send a boat (wants to make amends) and most times, they don't. Never burn a bridge before fully knowing if you're gonna need that same bridge to cross again in life. You know how hard it is to fully forgive someone who you love and trust so much after that same mouth that they just used to tell you they loved you with, rips you apart?!?! 

Bruh!

HOW I SEE IT IS...

*with regards to sex and arguments*
Sex after an argument is cool because that orgasm helps you relax but then what? You cum and those feelings that you have for that person a few minutes, hours, days, weeks ago are still there! Sex did nothing really if you take into consideration that in a few days or a week or so, you're still gonna argue about crap that already happened. My solution: thoroughly talk about what it is without yelling and over-talking. Don't cut each other off, don't dismiss, don't disregard what they're saying, and most importantly...listen AND hear where that person is coming from and think, before you speak.

*with regards to love, trust, & lying picture*
This is how we picture it:

I love you, so I trust you, and because I trust you, I expect you not to lie to me...

But, this is how it goes is:

I love you, I really do, but I don't trust you, so, I lie to you so you won't get(feel) hurt because of what I do(did) because I really do love you!

All of that sh*t is intertwined with each other...think about it.

Situationships my dear, don't work...ever! I say, have a face to face convo with your man and hash things out because if you don't, things will only get worse! Don't wait till its too late to realize that the person who's been riding with you for so long...will actually get out the car and help you fix that flat: let it marinate. Being with someone who is unsure of what you are and where you're going, isn't the person for you. If you need anymore advice, just let me know. Hopefully this song break down helped you.

@renaissance_brotha_

So I Have This Friend: Whose Sex is Wack!

*names have been changed to protect the innocent*

Email from friend:
"Yo Ant, this bi*** @geminisweet p**** is wack! It smelled like 22 Africans in leather suits b! It's like, she dead came and then got up and showered and left, like, are you serious! I almost blacked on her! If I didn't have to study for MCATs I would've blacked b! Why these b****es think they can get theirs and bounce like that? Why was she so stiff?!?! I don't wanna waste your time but I want you to make a blog about this b, like, that's ya homegirl and I blame you for tellin me to f***. I wasted my night and I coulda been in Mel b, like, I curved Mel for this b****! Make a blog about her sex being wack or something because I'm not f***in these b****es no more man, it got me aggy!

Dilla"

Women think that they're the only ones who experience bad sex but guess again ladies, you're not. For the past few months, swarms of guys have been hitting me up asking me to make a post or blog about women and their lackluster sex, so, here we are. Now, in no way, shape or form am I degrading women in any way, nor do I want this to come across as sexist, but ladies...sometimes your sex ain't on point. I've experienced some bad sex partners in my day, fortunately not a crazy amount because I'm not out here giving the d*** away like Rondo dishing the ball but the ones that I have experienced...*phew*! I figured I'd put together a list of complaints I've gotten and also share some of my insight for your reading pleasure. Without further ado, I present to you:

So I Have This Friend...whose sex is wack!

*class is in session*

Spider-Man:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how a woman can say, "yea, yea, just make sure you give me all that d***!" and then

10 minutes later...

"baby...babe...wait, wait, hol'up, hol'up!"

Oh, so you Big Sean now? Men don't like women who run from the d*** just like women don't like men who can't keep their d*** up! You wanna be a runner? Apply at Applebee's or Friday's. I'm suckin' and lickin' on that clit, don't stop me. I got your legs on my shoulders, hittin' that spot, don't put your clammy ass hands on my chest to push me away. I got ya face down, ass up, hands grippin' ya waist, don't scoot away. If it hurts, say so, if not, let me pin you down and enjoy it because all that movin' n'sh*t like lil' boys do in the barber chair... #AintNobodyGotTimeFoDat
Tip: If its feelin' good to you, let it be so you can cum and speaking of cummin'...

tap-out:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how a woman can even fix her lips and say some sh*t like, "I'm bout to cum, YES...*wooo*...I'm done (insert smiley face)." Done? B***h, you done making that box macaroni and cheese you make every Tuesday? Or are you done leaving hair in the shower because I'm confused. I know loads of men are guilty of the same behavior but all it takes is a 5 minute blow job and 10 minutes of penetration and we're good; women on the other hand require a lot more time and effort. No man wants to hear, "yea, yea, yea just make sure you ain't stingy with the d***!" and then she's stingy with the p****, WTFeezy!? Just because yo ol' selfish ass is finished don't mean I'm done! You better make that mouth work or them hands work because I counted two orgasms for you and 0 for me and I better nut before I turn into the Incredible Hulk over here.

Oh, you thought I was a "1-minute man" ha. You thought I was gonna get a taste of dat p****, bust a nut n'go to bed ha. You thought I was like Tyrone ha; you thought them backshots was gon' take me out my zone ha. Well baby girl see you wrong ha. You came a few times, now you surprised I last long ha...

I digress,

Tip: You may have laughed at that musical break but seriously: don't just leave him hangin', finish what you start.

doorknob stiff:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how you can post videos of you "twerkin dat ass" for Vine or Instagram but when it comes to sex...you're like a fish outta water! Maybe it's me, may-be-it's-ME, but how you gon' climb yo ass in the bed and then don't climb on the d*** to ride!? You better put some movement on dat d***! (Pops from Friday voice). I'm not saying you have to go ape s*** on the d***, but hell, if you moving like Sara from Save The Last Dance when Derrick taught her how to dance when we out at the club, don't be as stiff as President Obama when he was on Ellen (Obama Dancing) when we f***, plain and simple.
Tip: Don't let me be the only one putting in some action! If we're in doggystyle position, throw that ass back! If you're on top ridin', get on your tippy-toes and bounce!

The Nicki Minaj-er:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how after only TWO damn strokes...you screaming like a damn exorcist is being performed! Can I get to stroke 17 before you start reciting sexual scriptures!? Oh, so you want a Tony Award for your performance? Or, or maybe you thought you were gonna get an Oscar? Keep the Nicki Minaj- voices and faces outta the bedroom! I know the d*** be good but if you wanna perform and live out your inner thespian, become a YouTube actress; cut the sh*t.
Tip: Grab a damn pillow and yell into it. Grab your panties, roll them into a little ball and shove them in your mouth, unless your vagina smells like pig tongue and sauerkraut, which brings me to my next point...

all-day-p**** (ADP):
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how any woman can expect a man to lick, suck, finger, or stick his penis into a vagina that has not been cleansed! If you know you've been out all day at work, or in the gym, or grocery shopping, or shoe shopping, or at bible study and then you want me to come over (or you come over) and you're expecting sex and you ain't take some soap and water to that vagina? I hope your clit falls off! Seriously tho, that sh*t ain't cool. Hygiene is important and should be a top priority when it comes to sex. Also ladies, stop going to the bathroom to pee and/or sh*t and then getting back in the bed expecting us to resume sexual activities, it's just not happening.
Tip: Cleanliness is next to Godliness; make sure you wash the holy hell outta your vagina, amen!

what dat mouth DON'T do?:
I will NEVER, be able to understandable: how any woman can expect a man to go deep sea divin' and then turn around and won't play a clarinet solo on the penis! Do I look like Charlie Brown? You not gon' play me! Now me personally, Anthony, I'm not a fan of it, but a normal dude who ENJOYS receiving oral sex, will feel some kinda way. Also, no teeth; this ain't a BBQ and my d*** is NOT a piece of corn! Lastly, for all you women who expect men to swallow your vaginal juices when we're performing oral but you scrunchie your face up when we want to cum in YOUR mouth, listen: either you're swallowing or yore taking it on your upper lip because if not...stay at home and watch Law & Order.
Tip: If you don't like the way it taste, have him increase his fruit intake. If you're not a 'flute blower' or you know you "suck d***" at suckin' d***, just stay at home and watch a Netflix movies.

*non-positional:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how the only positions you do are:

•doggystyle
•missionary
•ridin' a dude's face

Don't nobody got time for that, "but I only cum when he hittin it from the back!" ... have you TIRED sex while on your side, one leg flat, the other wrapped around him or in the air and he just goes deeper and deeper...and deeper? Probably not but guess the f*** what: IT'LL MAKE YOU THANK HIS MAMA FOR BRINGING HIM INTO THIS WORLD! You don't have to be Gabby Douglas on the d*ck (No R. Kelly) but f*** out-SIDE your comfort zone! I'm not asking you to be a trapeze artist but expand your horizons! On the other hand tho, ladies, stop tryna do positions that don't fit your body type. If you know you can't ride the d***, spare the both of us because if I'm bored, I'm grabbing my phone and watching Hey Arnold on YouTube. Stop tryna do splits n'sh*t when you know good-and-damn-well your body ain't set up that way. If you're athletically challenged: find a yoga class, Zumba, or come to me for some ballet moves that you can utilize...my services don't come cheap tho.
Tip: Listen to Usher's, "That's What It's Made For," for some inspiration or seriously, take up Yoga.

squirt without warning:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how a woman can KNOW she's a squirter but decides not to disclose that info to me before sex. I, like many other men, LOVE a squirter but without warning? Nah (Chief Keef voice). If I'm tongue drillin' you, you start screaming, legs start shakin', and it turns into splash waterfalls...I'm going into the kitchen, grabbing the biggest pot, filling it with water, and tossing it on your face! Give me a warning at least so I can use some old bed sheets and a couple of towels, so we both not looking at each other like, "rock-paper-scissors for who sleeps in the wet spot?" because 9/10 I'm gonna win and you're gonna be mighty upset about having to sleep in that sh*t.
Tip: Give me a heads up, that simple.

leave my ass alone:
I will NEVER, be able to understand: how any woman can think its cool to run their lil' manicured fingers anywhere near a man's ass. Oh, ohhhhhh, orrrr their tongue!!! Consult (claps hands) your (claps hands) man (claps hands) before (claps hands) deciding (claps hands) to (claps hands) Lamborghini his doors (claps hands)! What I mean is: don't just assume because you go from the d*** to the balls, that you gotta move your damn tongue down into my booty hole! YES- it's a pleasure zone for men; NO- no man wants his salad tossed without warning! This ain't HBO Oz! Some dudes enjoy it-hey, more power to them but ask first. If you wanna grab my ass while we're in missionary, go for it but please...don't move those fingers elsewhere. You stick your fingers in my ass, I'm d**k'-dippin' in ya butt!
Tip: Just ask because no man wants a "Lamborghini Mercy" outta nowhere.

Now I'm sure there are a lot more I forgot to mention so, share some, if you don't mind! All feedback is welcomed and highly encouraged!

I hope you enjoy this Dilla and make sure you tell other dudes to read and follow the movement too boy!

@renaissance_brotha_

So I Have This Friend: Whose GF Can't Ride...

Names have been changed, but the story remains the same.

Nick: "But deadass Ant...this b**** can't ride d*** for the life of her!!!"
Me: "Bro...tell her how you want it to be done!"Nick: "If only it were that EASY bro, it's not. We went for a bike ride the other day and this b**** was like Meek Mill & his boys on a damn CitiBike...a CITIBIKE!"Me: "Wait, you went, YA'LL went for a bike ride? (insert hard laughing)"Nick: "You mad cause you ain't got no b**** to ride WITH! But deadass boy, she can't ride d***, what should I do?? I know you be writing blogs for these b****es, write one for me fam!"

So I Have This Friend...whose girl can't ride d***!

First and foremost...

DID YOU MISS MEEE!?!?

No? Oh...ok, I digress, but before I start:

Warning: If you are a friend and/or a family member and you MIGHT feel a tad bit uncomfortable with reading/hearing me talking about sex; this blog ain't fo yo ass.

#TURNUP

A lot of you women are out here throwing dirt on guys who can't seem to get it together in the bedroom and for that...may the Lord take vengeance upon thee! Are (some) men garbage in bed? Yes, yes SOME are, but there's a whole lot of them who are NOT (and this blog ain't for them). My boy isn't the only man to feel this way, hell, I've had a few ladies who couldn't ride a d*** but could "drop down and get their eagle on" and hit the electric slide at the drop of a dime! Some of you chicks be like, "Babe, I can't ride, can we just do doggy?" No, not now. Or, "Babe, I've never really...I mean, I don't normally do this (while climbing on top)," well, I've never been to Six Flags, but you gon ride this roller coaster! I know you're laughing while reading this, but how some of y'all claiming to be #BedroomBullies...and can't ride a d***?! That s*** puzzles me! So, here at #ABetterBreedOfMan, I wanna help you ladies get in touch with your...inner, freak if you will. I present to you: how to ride the D SO good, yo mama's mama...would be proud!

Yo Nick, you owe me bro because I'm sure your girl will be reading this!

*class is in session*

Some of you beautiful, intelligent, sexy women are reading this and can identify with the topic: you can't ride d*** well! And that's cool, dot worry boo, I got yoouuu! If you have a man, don't be afraid to practice on him, that's what he's there for; what is he gonna say, no? No man will turn down p****! "I ain't afraid of no man or no d***!" yea yea, I know: that's why you can't ride d***? What's that old saying, "practice makes perfect"? Well, you better lay his ass down, and climb on top, and ride him like a Low-Ridah out in Cali! Something to always keep in mind (and this is with anything): you can’t get better at something if you’re scared to fail. When you tell someone you haven’t done something before, that statement should then be accompanied by you trying. You don’t say you haven’t done something and continue not to do it; without trying you’ll never learn. I'm not suggesting ANY one of you ladies go out here, and have sex with just ol' any guy, just so you can practice...that sh*t ain't cool nor is it attractive. Now Nick, if Amanda comes to you and says, "let's f***! I know you like me being on top so I want to trying something new", strip down to your socks and enjoy the ride my brotha!

Secondly ladies

In order to feel comfortable pleasing your man, you have to be able to please yourself first and him, SECOND! It's just like in life: in order to be selfless, you have to be a lil selfish; so selfishly pleasure yourself with toys me or fingers all you want! There's not a dude out here that won't appreciate you jumping on top and riding him like that mechanical bull at your local bar. If you want to get your nut off and not worry about Minute-Man Mark, go for it. Ladies, in plain English: I want you to do all the nasty sh*t you do in your alone time, when no one is watching, to your man! Make it so nasty, you'll have to pray EXTRA, in church on Sunday (y'all don't hear me tho)! It's not the Mark and Laura show, oh no, it's the Laura Show, co-starring Mark...and his d***. However once you get to that point, learn what pleases him. Who knows you might actually like what he likes and can start killing two birds(freaks) with one stone(move). Dudes like Nick, complain about women that get on top only to please themselves and that’s just selfish; if you want to be a skilled rider you have to learn how to do both. Don't trip tho, I got some techniques that'll have you riding like Ciara (pun all the way intended).

baby grind on meeee! (Pretty Ricky voice)

Remember them guys? Well, if you don't, YouTube them but if you do, ladies: I want you to grind like you're at a high school party! There's not a woman reading this who doesn't enjoy grinding her warm, wet, tight, (meow), and rubbing her clit at the same time until they achieve orgasm. Work them hips, lose some of those calories, and dig your fingers into his chest...not too rough tho! Most guys aren't cumming from grinding, but from friction, there's a difference. Men need to be stroked to achieve orgasm, which grinding can limit.

b-b-b-bounce that p**** and shake dat ass

You know what turns a man on with the quickness, other than you dropping to your knees and putting his d*** in your mouth: watching and feeling you bounce on top of him. The woman who can push a man on his back, climb on top, and f*** him till he has no more energy in his tank...is a keeper! Women that bounce on the d*** usually know exactly what they’re doing and they ride with purpose. You're not worried about the fact that you just got your hair done, noooo. You're not worried about the fact that, you have work in a couple hours, noooo. You're worried about pleasing yourself, because he will be led to believe, you're really doing it for him; which sometimes is never the case (I be knowin ladies). That bounce action is cool for the dudes who enjoy having the breast in their face (like me) or who enjoy watching the ass go up...and down...and up...and down in the Reverse Cowgirl position AND who enjoy smackin that ass while you're at it (I be knowin ladies).

...you got the juice now (insert your name here ladies

I know what you're thinking: what the hell is this fool talking about now! Well, it doesn't mean "juicing" like combining fruits and veggies and sh*t; it simply means to pull and squeeze at the same damn time! Some of y'all (women) don’t know about juicing, but just think about grinding for a second. Grinding is the rubbing of two surfaces to cause friction. However, juicing is when you squeeze AND pull away from him to cause the friction. It’s basically like you’re trying to squeeze and ring him out (kinda like a wash cloth). I want you to squeeze his d*** with your vagina and just look him in the face while you're doing it; I guarantee you he will speed up his pumping, which will make him cum like that! The best position to do this in, is in Reverse Cowgirl...

and speaking OF Reverse Cowgril...

Men like when you ride it...facing the other way! When you climb on top, ride it for a lil bit facing him and then, turn around and: MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THE D*** INSIDE OF YOU (I can't stress that enough)! Place his hands around your waist, and continue with what you were doing. You can lick your nipples if you want, massage your clit while he slaps your ass, hell, you can even fantasize about someone else. It’s just better suited for two people to please one another, yet have the privacy they want while having sex as weird as that may sound.

One time, a friend of mine said, "when I get on top, he does whatever we wants, it's like, I don't have no control of the situation." My answer to that: f*ck him back. Put his hands inside of yours, pin them down, and f*** him until he cums, that simple. A lot of women are quick to say men are intimidated by them but become intimidated by men, in the bedroom: the irony. Here's something you can try: to make you feel a lil more at ease, make him put his hands behind his head, tell him to keep put, and go to work...men like taking orders n' s***.

Lastly,

I spoke about this in the paragraph before last but once again (because it's really that important): don't let the d*** slip out! Now before you start going off and dismiss miss this piece of info, consider this:

size matters! I don't care what any one of you have to say, size matters. Now, with that being said (Kevin Hart voice), it's up you take a peek at the pole he's packing and make sure it doesn't come out! If you have control and I mean COMPLETE control over your body/abilities...the d*** can never and I mean never come out, period-point-blank.

Nick, make her feel comfortable at all times; sex isn't just about catching a nut or two and rolling over and knocking out, it's way deeper than that, it's brackets to this s***. There's levels to this sh*t, and while that may be a line from Meek Mill, it's true in every sense! If you want to give some advice, simply just express how you feel when the two of you are most comfortable and laugh n' sh*t like that, this way, it comes across a lot better.


If you need anything else, holla at me!

Ladies: have you ever felt embarrassed when you got on top? Did you get better? What advice could you offer other women about riding better? Did this post miss anything?

@renaissance_brotha_

So I Have This Friend: Good Kid, Ratchet City

Friend: "(sigh) I don't know what's wrong with females these days bro!"


Me: "What you mean (lol) you gotta elaborate."Friend: "Ima keep 100: why is it that women claim they want a man who has everything but then they f*** with the complete opposite!? Like, that s*** don't make no sense!"Me: "Oh, I see what you're saying now! So you mean, "bads dudes ain't no good, the good dudes ain't no fun/the ratchet chicks want a smart brotha, & the college girls all want a thug," or nah?"Friend: "(LMAO) Son, you're nuts but exactly my point! They want a good dude but then they don't know what to do when they run into a man like me. So I need you to write about this..."Me: "Check back with me Saturday, I got you."

So I have this friend...good kid, ratchet city...

The title doesn't have much to do with the blog, but, then again, maybe it does, but I will leave that up to you as the reader to interpret.

Meet Josh: handsome, respectful, ambitious, mid 20 something, very educated, diverse, athletic, has a great city job with benefits (NYC resident), own car, social drinker, spiritual, and most importably, he's s-i-n-g-l-e!

If there's one thing I know for certain is this: (some) women don't appreciate a good man when they meet one! And sure, the same can be said about men not appreciating a good woman but that's already a known fact! So my homeboy Josh, hits me up the other day to talk about all that he's been going thru with women and to me, it's nothing new. Why? Because I deal with the same thing as well on a daily basis. Good guys finish last, period-point-blank. Women want men to be this somewhat "mythical creature" and once they run into the man that fills everything on their "list" or a least a good portion of it...they f*** him over for a dude who only fills one thing on that list...#dick. How do you want a man to be honest with you and you're not even truthful about what it is that YOU want? If you want a dude with a 9-5, boo boo, make yourself available for one. If you want Deshawn with the neighborhood good pipe game, boo boo, you go out there and you get himmm. The difference between a n*gga and a man is this: a REAL man will handle his responsibilities despite what anyone has to say about him/to him and will continue to strive for success no matter what life throws his way and a n*gga is usually that dude in the neighborhood (hood) that many label as a "real n*gga" because he's done some sh*t that a Man will second guess, i.e. get a chick pregnant with no intentions of sticking around or bust his gun over sh*t that probably could've been talked about over a Corona, some wings, and lap dances at the local strip club. So what happens? A woman will say, "girl, I'm so tired of these ain't sh*t dudes, like seriously now, this sh*t is getting old! I want a man that will take me for who I am, spoil me with loyalty, finance me, put up with my mood swings, accept my meanness for no reason, stay committed even when I emotionally cheat with other guys, give me the D on a regular, give me head, hell, I want him to eat my a** at LEAST once a month, and I want him to look good and let me have all his passwords!"

and then they go for dudes who

• sell drugs
• verbally abusive and or physically abusive
• f*** them and get head from their friend(s)
• have no goals or ambitions
• listen to Chief Keef (joking because I'm listening to him as we speak)
• lives at home and contributes nothing

and I mean that list can literally go on for forever and a day; like the list of ain't sh*t men. You're saying one thing and but you're going after another...what sense does that really make? NONE! 

Now, if what you read thus far hasn't interested you yet, well, maybe the following will. So you say you're looking for a man right? STOP chasing these ass n*ggas, simple as that! N*ggas nowadays are only good for a few things:

• F*CKIN you
• F*CKIN up your mind
• F*CKIN up your pockets
• and lastly, F*CKIN up your heart

How is it that you want a man to bring "X Y Z" (that can be a variety of things) to the table and

• you have X (you want him to have a job and you have a job)
• you're working towards Y (could be you want him to educated and have a degree or has at least been enrolled in college, but you're looking to get into school)
• and you have NO damn idea of what Z is (could be you want him to have his own place, but you still live at home)

Men get tired of hearing women talk about what a "man is supposed to be like, what a man should be doing yada yada," when in theory, YOU, yourself, DON'T know who you are or what you want! Let's talk about women who are in fact intimated by a good man; the fact that chase them away to chase after the dudes who won't even chase THEM to begin with. It's pathetic to say the least. "But there are no good guys, they're either dead or in jail or taken or gay!" That kinda statement is straight up and down foolery! If you're constantly saying that men aren't sh*t...well guess what honey boo boo child, maybe (hand clap) its (hand clap) you (hand clap) who (hand clap) ain't (hand clap) sh*t (hand clap). You're the common denominator in that equation, not the guy and why? Because you're attracting them to YOU! Of course this isn't for all women because how skewed and narrow and closed minded would that be, but this piece is for those women who ignore a good man when they're on their knees at night praying for "Mr. Right" to come into their lives and mend their broken hearts. If you value honesty, be honest with what you want. If you want consistency, be consistent with your feelings and emotions. If you value time, don't waste time telling yourself you want things  to be of a particular way, and turning around and wasting the time of a man that could love and honor someone who is deserving of all that he has to offer. The same goes for men as well. 

My advice to you Josh: continue working hard and bettering yourself as a M-A-N and progressing not only mentally but spiritually as well. Relationships don't come about from you praying to your higher power to bless you with a soulmate-no-it happens by going out and enjoying life. Luck is how it happens, regardless of what eHarmony tries to shove down your throat or any false prophet tries to tell you. Be yourself and the right woman will come into your life when the time is right. Make sure you bring to the table whatever it is you require from her. Make sure your standards are rational, reasonable, and respectful; rational-your expectations are clear and concise, reasonable-nothing that you require is farfetched, and lastly, respectful-your partner has an understanding of the type of person you are and will be able to gain a better understanding of who you are through communication throughout the course of courting (dating for you young folk). We all know that men decide relationships, so, with that being said make sure you follow this guideline:

Make sure you know the DIRECTION in which you want the friendship to go in because grey areas will lead to problems down the road. Make sure you have an UNDERSTANDING of who you are before you venture into anything and once that's set, you move forward into a relationship. Once in that relationship, make sure your TRUST issues from the past are dealt with or...you'll have to deal with them AND new ones in your present AND future. Also, keep the lines of COMMUNICATION open because like the old saying goes, "communication is key!" And lastly...make sure that you are HONEST at all times about your intentions, your feelings, and more importantly, who, you, ARE! You take all of that and the two of you will be able to go D-U-T-C-H...half on a friendship and them a relationship.

D(irection) - U(nderstanding) - T(rust) - C(ommunication) - H(onest) = to go half on a partnership, whether it be a friendship, or a friendship that leads into a relationship.

Ladies, do better.

@renaissance_brotha

So I Have This Friend: Messy Mara

Ex: "Hey big head, I wanted to ask your advice on somethin but you have to promise to not judge me, ok?"
Me: "Go for it."
Ex: "Alright, so I've been dealing with this guy for ab..."
Me: "Not the Jamaican dude who drive the Nissan I hope!"
Ex: "No, would you just listen and shut up! This dude I work with. We've been havin sex Ant and its great and all but when I try to ask him about using a condom, its like he KNOW'S I'm about to ask so he'll bring somethin else up. I mean, I've asked him once via text and he said he would but...it just never happened."
Me: "So don't have sex with him, un-TILL..."
Ex: "It's not that easy! He slides inside of me and..."
Me: "And I don't wanna hear the rest, thanks!"
Ex: "(laughs) Sorry, but also, I like this other dude who's in my Childhood Development class in grad school and I don't know how to talk to him without sounding like a hoe, you know. Like, how can I get his attention without eye f***ing all the damn time?! What should I do? Also, do guys look at chicks and say "oh that b**** is bad! Ima go raw in her!" I mean, with us, we did but that's because you had a pocket full of them. I also wanna know why some dudes just don't like using them to begin with!?! Like, y'all not afraid of STDs and what not!?!"
Me: "I am!"
Ex: "Well, answer those and get back to me...make that sh*t into a blog like you do with everything else. Love you big head!"

So I Have This Friend: Messy Mara

Not many men can honestly say that they are cool with any of their ex GFs on a level where the two of them can have conversations for hours without arguing about the past, I'm lucky so to say I'm cool with a couple of mines.

But I digress...

Alright Mara, so your first question was: "how do you talk to a guy without really sounding like hoe?"

Well, because most men are gonna be afraid, or "intimidated" to step to you, the best thing to do since you guys have a class together is to talk to him about something that pertains to the class. Once you've put yourself out there, you will know if he's interested or not, why? Because any guy that's interested will want to continue the conversation then and thereafter. Keep this in mind as well: if you've given him your number and told him that you wouldn't mind if you guys talked on a regular and he doesn't use it...that's a clear indicator that he is NOT that interested in you. Pay attention to his body language as well, he might not say a whole lot, but his body language will usually speak more than him verbally. You mentioned eye contact-yes-eye contact works as long as you don't look like a damn creep doing it! There's a difference between "flirty" eyes and "Kobe Bryant death stare" eyes. Proper eye contact and good conversation is the best way to gauge to see if he's interested.

The next thing you want to know was: "do guys look at certain types of females and determine they're not gonna use a condom with them yada yada?"

Truthfully speaking; a guy should use a condom the first time the two of you guys have sex and thereafter UNTIL you've made it official and have gotten tested if not together then separately and those results SHOULD be shared, honestly speaking. A guy using a condom should be manadtory like him brushing his teeth in the morning and washing his nuts at night! As far as you know, he's a hoe until you really get to know him better which takes a few months (6 or more). My thing is, never assume and always keep your own condoms with you, THIS way, there's no grey area about the topic when it comes up. On the flip side tho...sh*t happens. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, a female/male looks so appealing that using a condom enters your mind and leaves just as fast once the two of you are naked and kissing and touching and rubbing and...ok you get my point. That night of passion and bad decisions usually ends up becoming a morning of regret and awkwardness. Here's what I've learned: the more and more and MORE two people talk, the more they will become opposed to using a condom. If I'm wrong, ask your homegirls and see what they say. What starts off as, "damn babe, just let me slip the tip in," turns into, "WOOO, that was somethin else...you wanna order pizza?" All in all though, just strap up, simple as that.

Lastly, to answer your next question: condoms, for some, just get in the way and by using one, you lose all the feeling. I've slipped up, I won't lie but there's no reason why any man walking this Earth should be a habitual "non-rubber-brotha". Those who don't like using condoms, obviously don't like their life altogether! Trojan's Ecstasy brand is probably one of the BEST condoms on the market! If he wants to enjoy the feeling of "not having anything on," I say get him that. Now of course it doesn't compare to the actual "real deal" but it'll be worth it in the long run. If he says, "condom? I ain't got time for that!" then you should rebuttal with, "sex!? With you? I ain't got time for that!" It's your vagina at the end of the day and if he doesn't respect it, 7/10 he won't respect you.

Now in closing, I hope this was helpful for you and if have anymore questions, comments, and it concerns...hit me up.

@renaissance_brotha.

So I Have This Friend: Mr. Anti-Oral pt. 2

now, for the conclusion of, "So I Have This Friend: Mr. Anti-Oral"

Me: Nope! I don't date nurses (insert laugh)
Him: Liar, but Na, I wouldn't bro.

Me: So when you DID go down, did you enjoy it any?
Him: It was cool you know, I was ready to do it and I did it and I enjoyed it but it's not my cup of tea.

Me: Who hurt you?
Him: I remember seeing my sister get pipe'd down by some dude she was talkin to and then he left and a few mins and I literally mean, a FEW mins later...her BF came over and just ate it with no problem. I had to stop playin Tekken fam, word.

Me: Yikes, but I see where you're coming from.
Him: It's all about trust to me. A man like me has to trust you enough to do it or I have to be college, white girl wasted to put my tongue inside of you.

Me: I see.
Him: And I'm not a saint either. I don't want people to read this and think that's the case...I've cheated.

Me: Well, who hasn't. So you're telling me she has to, "slob on ya knob, like corn on a cob?"
Him: Nah, nah (insert laugh) that's not the case man. A vagina is just soooo, dirty. Working in the hospital you hear and learn and SEE a lot of things and it's quite the turn off. If she gives me head, that's cool, I can go take a bird bath and rinse my joint off and be cool, not so much with her.

Me: You're a clown. You can't wash off a VD or STD son.
Him: True and I thank baby Jesus I haven't caught anything.

Me: But what about...
Him: I don't mean to cut you off but you and I are one and the same in a sense. It takes time for me to even consider doing something like that and it doesn't have to do with love either. The more questions you ask about her sexual history, the more you learn, the better you go about those kinda things.

Me: I see what you're saying.
Him: I remember having that party and seeing mad of them Howard girls use my bathroom and not use the tissue and they was touching EVERY-DAMN-THING Ant!

Me: I remember! Taye ass was rubbing Kev face!
Him: Exactly! I'll keep it real tho, I'll eat but it won't be for that long. I'm definitely not on no half hour tip...ain't nobody got time fo dat!

Me: I feel you.
Him: I'm not spending time down there when we could be doing other stuff, it's just not happening over  here. She want head, we can have a threesome, somebody who will do that because me...I'm not doing it and I don't care how that makes me sound.

Me: Ah, so in parting?
Him: Ladies, stop listening to Lil' Wayne and expecting guys to eat your vagina all types of crazy and for long periods of time because it's unrealistic. It's like the Repubs and Dems getting along...a cold day in hell before that happens.

*****

Ladies, before you attack him all crazy, I hope that you've thoroughly read and respond from a place of understanding because that would be the rational thing to do.  Also, not all guys are like him, I'm not like this, but he's not the ONLY one is what I'm tryna say. I will never knock a person's sexual preference so if you don't like one thing, we'll do another, simple as that.

Ladies, what did you think of all of this? Let me know
Fellas, can ya'll agree or are writing him off? Let me know

@renaissance_brotha

So I Have This Friend: Mr. Anti Oral

Names have been changed...

"I'm not eating no p****! I don't care HOW good she looks, I'm not doing that...but she can give me head tho."

Meet Rakeem, a mid 20 something year-old male nurse who loves volunteering at children hospitals, cooking, and going to the movies. Rakeem ALSO loves the ladies but, there's one thing he DOESN'T enjoy doing,

and that's going down town!

"When I tell you, it's one of the nastiest things a man can do, (insert head shake) I mean...I would rather get her a** out to be straight up with you."

"So I Have This Friend...who doesn't eat pu$$y"

I come to you today with a piece about a good friend of mine who is against going down on a female, let's begin.

Me: When do you find time as a nurse to even have time for women?
Him: All the time actually, you'd be surprised! I'm one of the few black men in my hospital, and I'm the youngest as well...they like that sh*t!

Me: I can imagine! So you're not apart of the "PC" crew huh?
Him: ...what?

Me: Pleasure Clit crew! Ima member of course and so it Teek, Ra, and Trey.
Him: Damn! Just put everybody on blast huh, I feel you boy, but na, (insert laugh) I'm not pleasuring no clit, vagina, nothin like that. Do I look like Weezy?

Me: Na (insert laugh) you don't bro but Weezy talks about eating it ALL the time! I always wonder if he uses his dreads on these chicks at the same time! So you're not a Lil' Wayne huh?
Him: Nope, I'm not about that life at ALL! Come on bro, you should know this.

Me: I know, I know. So tell me what you problem is.
Him: Ima proud member of the Anti-Eating Club! I don't agree with it at all...whatsoever. To be honest, I just don't agree with the idea of being between some female's legs. You can't trust these women these days...it's a dirty game. A dude who's out here eating box, 9/10 isn't safe and secure with what he has and that can apply to women too.

Me: Wait, what? Elaborate.
Him: Iight: basically, he must have a small penis or he doesn't know how to f*ck correctly.

Me: Wait, wait, waiiitttttt...you mean, a dude who's comfortable with giving head to a female, lacks the ability to have good sex?
Him: Yessir.

Me: I can't speak for all men, but for some, that might be the case you know but, idk brother. To me, going down on a woman is a normal activity. Now sure, men shouldn't be out here "slam dunkin" their tongues into every "hole" so to speak, but it's an essential duty. I'll tell you this: a female who loves to get it, won't give it AND she'll tell other females about you...you know we live in a social network world. But it's all about pleasing your partner and ima people pleaser! So, how does it usually work: do you usually tell them before hand or just swerve them in the course of sex?
Him: I'm very straight forward with them! I told this chick she would have to let me cum all over her in order for me to eat her out a...

Me: Wait, _________?
Him: Yup, she was ready to GO son! But like I was saying, I tell them and they just either accept it or they don't, simple as that. If you givin them good d***, they not worried about getting head. You know how many girls have said, "nah, ima make you eat me," and they've failed? Plenty!

Me: Keem, have you EVER done it before?
Him: Yea man, a few times. With Diane and Sharee, and to Kate, but I was wasted beyond comprehension with Kate.

Me: When did you start doing it actually?
Him: Diane had come to visit me at my school and one thing lead to another and I just ended up doing it and afterwards, I did a few more times thru the course of our relationship.

Me: What happens if a chick wanted to wait to go down on you or just didn't want to at all?
Him: That's a good ass question man. I don't know bro. And you know how these females are these days man, "he not tryna eat me but he want me to suck his d***? Nope, not me!" But I wouldn't even bother to be honest.

Me: Would you date you if you were a female?
Him: Would you?


...be sure to tune in for part 2 tomorrow.

@renaissance_brotha