Fumbles & Interceptions

Before I start, just a few things:

• chivalry has been around for, idk, forever! So with that being said: a guy (because this seems to be an issue [some] women have with [some] men) texting you "good morning" is NOT chivalry; it's just a kind gesture.
• communication is a two way street: not a one way or a dead end; #ThinkAboutIt
•keep your relationship problems/issues off of social networking sites...we don't care about'em! If its a cry for attention you want...hit up the person you're in the relationship with! The moment you post "x y z" someone is gonna chime in with "a b c" and you gonna be a-n-g-r-y.
•if you're near 30 or in your 30s...stop acting like you're in your early 20s/mid 20s; men and women. All the stubbornness, sense of entitlement, faking interest, so on and so forth will only get you put on that "Summer Jam" screen f****ng around, period.

*class is in session*

Let me tell you right now that this blog will focus on the mistakes we as men make in relationships; nothing more nothing less. I as a man have made tons of mistakes which is why my ex is my ex but I have learned from those mistakes and I would like to believe I am a better man for it.

To say that women are to blame for ALL relationship issues, is absurd. To say that there WON'T be bumps along the way, is ridiculous. To say that they have this virtual market where you can buy hair, clothes, diet supplements, weed, henny coladas, food, and damn near a spouse and we call this place Instagram...is down right ludicrous!

But I digress

We as men get too comfortable early in the relationship and forget that consistency is key. We forget that: whatever we did to win you over, should be done to keep you there as well. If we get you to let your guard down, we're content and that...is where we f*** up! So without further ado, here are some relationship mistakes us as guys make...

Ok...So Now What:
We meet the girl, get to know her, date, get to know her some more, date more, f***, date even more, f*** some more, get into a relationship, send flowers randomly,do a bunch of romantic sh*t, listen to her complain about how much she hates working at Victoria Secret on weekends, we cuddle up and watch Bad Girls Club when we'd rather watch a blind person change a baby's diaper in a snow storm, I mean, we do all this stuff and then...we fall flat. We're caring, affectionate, honest, and open in the beginning, thinking that because we've, "won her heart" if you will, we can kick our feet up; negative.

Fellas, the worst thing you can do is slack off. She kept you at a distance to get a better understanding of you, you won her over, now you're the one being distant and you're mad because she's starting to grow distant? Bruh! Once you push her to that point of no return, it'll be late night R&B mixed with crying, wishing you can get that ol thang back! The same attention you gave her in the beginning, keep that consistent throughout the relationship.

I Can See Myself With You, Like...Forever:
On one side of the coin: you'll get the guy who is afraid of commitment and on the other side of that coin: you'll get the guy who will let you know, "I can see me spending my life with you," only after knowing you a few months! "Yea, I can see you being my queen! We'd make some good lookin babies. Plus, moms is talkin about grandkids.

Wait a min, wait a min - Kevin Hart voice.

For some females, that's enough to change the number, change the Twitter name, deactivate the FB, and start a whole new Instagram! Fellas, take it eaassy! Forever tho? Forever is a mighty long time to spend with a person you've only known for 2 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days. Pump ya brakes. Let time take its course and if it's meant to be, it will be.

Another Again/..That's It?:
First few months we're like ANIMALS! You can't keep us from jumping on top you any opportunity we get,

In the mirror while you're doing your hair/in the shower while you're applying Nair/by the cabinets where the dishes go/in back row of the movie theaters, on the low

After some months pass, females are left asking, "is that it...?". Some dudes get into relationships and think minimal sex is cool and don't realize and what happens is that, weeks go by, and we haven't even considered to have sex because subconsciously, them weeks really feel like only a few days. Contrary to popular belief, sex is a major deal in most relationships (I stand by that last sentence). Now on the flip side of that you have dudes that want it too much (yes, I said too much). For some females who work, go to school, have to come home cook and clean...sex can be the last thing on her mind. I know you read that but seriously, think about that for a minute or two. It's not that she doesn't want sex, it's just, she doesn't want it all the time and what happens is that because we as men don't understand, we take that as, "oh this b**** wanna act up and not f***? Cool, let me go f*** wit a side jawn!"

Bruh!

Learn to compromise! period, point, blank!

Attention Deficit:

One of the things I know to be certain is that when you pay lil attention to your partner...your partner will give her attention elsewhere. It's like we're there physically but mentally, we've checked out. I'm not saying, quit your job, diss ya homeboys, or spend less time with your family just to be all up, under her now, but ignoring her? Will be the quickest way to have every Big Sean, Justin Timberlake, Rick Ross, Trey Songz, Lil' Mama in the face, look-a-like at her door wanting to "do it for the Vine" inside her...and trust me...she will let 'em do it.  The sad thing about it is, she'll actually consider entertaining them because you have now created what I like to call, "The Attention Void". Don't let it get to a point where you begin to lose sight of who she is and the reasons you're with her. Either you find that necessary balance that all relationships need or find yourself arguing with some dude that looks like her celebrity man crush.

I'll takeee, "backbone" for 500 Alex:
Dude + no backbone = a "welcome home" mat. Your woman will treat you like a welcome mat when you become too relaxed in your relationship. F*** all that submission sh*t...BE A MAN! These women want m-e-n, not a damn dog! Yet sadly, some men believe that the only way they can keep a woman around is by doubling as her pet, and agreeing with everything that she says. Big damn mistake buddy...big mistake! She'll start to feel this sort of, "entitlement", to make you do whatever, feel whatever, act however, wherever, when you don't stand up for yourself and you become a "yes man":

"Yes dear, I'll cut my hair even though I cut it last week."
"Yes babe, we can have sex, even tho my leg hurts from getting dunked on by Terry at the gym."
"Yea babe, your mother can come visit, even tho when she brings that damn dog that likes to piss all over the couch."

The ladies from my job always tell me, "Ant-nee (Anthony w/ a Jamaican dialect), we want a big, strong man, not a lickkle dog.". Case and point: ladies want a man who will stand firm beside them and not quiver underneath them...

Treadmillship:
Treadmill + relationship = treadmillship. How many of you have been or are currently in, a relationship that feel similar to a treadmill? Time sees to go by and by but certain things seem to remain the same. (some) Females hate that stagnant feeling in regards to relationships, which is why ultimatums come up when things get to a standstill:

"Either, (hands clap) you (hands clap) get (hands clap) ya sh*t together or (hands clap) I'm (hands clap) though (hands clap, hands clap) through!"

or
"Listen, we've been dating for 5 years now and the convo of engagement hasn't even come up yet...what do you want me to do? Because I can and I won't wait forever you know..."

I mean, the last one is a lil' over exaggerated, but, you get the point.

The biggest mistake we can make as guys is thinking that every thing is mashed potatoes and gravy, with the relationship stuck with no direction.

Here's the thing...

I feel we as guys need to communicate better because with that, we open up more doors for opportunities to grow together, or, grow apart. Mistakes will happen, I mean, sh*t, what relationship won't encounter some stumbles along the way? The goal is to push forward! Make sure you have a direction in which you want the two of you to go in. Have an understanding of self because as a man...if you don't have an understanding of self, there's no way you will be mentally ready to be the nigga/man/king whatever, for any female out here. Realize your mistakes, compromise, be HONEST not only with her but with yourself because if you're not honest with who you are...you think she'll take you seriously?

Nah, the answer to that is nah. Don't let the best thing slip away...because you wanna be a di**, trust me, I know.

@Renaissance_Brotha_

So I Have This Friend...Whose In a Situationship

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent*

Email from @UHateMe__JoinDaClub

Subject: U give advice…I need some

Hi Renaissance Man, my name is Jasmine and my bestie is in love with your lil blogs so I had to read one for myself and I will say, you got it goin on! They be long, but it covers a lot and I like that you kno what you talkin bout. So, basically I need advice because she said you good with the advice. Me and my man have been together, off and on tho (you kno how that be) for about 3 years now and I love him but I don't feel like we goin nowhere you kno what I mean? Like, he cheated, so I cheated. He be talking to other chicks on the gram, so I talk to other dudes on the gram, its only fair lol. But seriously, idk if you listen to Fab but he has this song called Situation ships and I feel that song fits him and me perfectly you know what I mean. So, if you could, could you help me out a lil, I would appreciate that or if you could. thank you renaissance man!!

So I Have This Friend…Whose In A Situationship

For those who are unaware of what a "situationship" is, ABetterBreedOfMan defines a "situationship" in two different ways...

1) a relationship where both parties argue on a constant basis and can't seem to find a common ground with their differences. You become used to each other after a period of time but you're unsure if things should end, stay as is, or change for the better. It's a "situation" that you KNOW needs to be dealt with more sooner than later, but, you're unsure of how to address the problems at hand.

2) something more than a friendship, with relationship like characteristics, but...without the title. So basically: you're having sex, you're going out on dates, you're getting to know each other, all that good stuff but...the two of you HAVE feelings for each other (and this is known) but, you're not together as boyfriend-girlfriend.

stupid, I know, but I digress...

We've all been in a "situationship" once or twice (some more than others) but this song helps to capture just WHAT a "sitatuinonship" truly is in every essence of it's title. For those who have never heard the song by Brooklyn rapper Fabolous, please take a minute to listen (Situationships) before you read the blog.

Done?

*class is in session*

So, you need advice, here it is...

"and all we do is fuck and argue/Yeah that's it, fuck and argue"

When I first heard this, I thought he was saying, "and all we do is fuckin argue/yea that's it, fuck AND argue," as some sort of play on words but I digress. Arguments usually come from a few different places:

A) misunderstanding
B) miscommunication
C) I was hurt by something you said and or did/didn't do

and so on and so forth. Whatever the reason may be, they always lead to sh** being said, that shouldn't have been said in the first place and you regretting whatever it was that you said in the heat of the moment. You're not thinking, you're mad, so, who cares if I hurt your feelings at the moment because all I wanna do is express how I feel and make YOU understand where I'M coming from. You're not responding from a place of understanding, 9/10 it's coming from a place of hurt and anger, so I'm not even thinking logically, I'm just responding and that's where that misunderstanding of the situation can lead to miscommunication. How might you ask? Because now someone is yelling!

You: "You mad over Instagram?"
Them: "No! I'm mad over how you CARRY yourself ON Instagram!"
You: "That makes no sen..."
Them: "NO, NO, BECAUSE I DON'T CARE! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME! ALL YOU DO IS FUCKING, BEAT AROUND THE BUSH AND NEVER LISTEN NOR SEE WHAT THE FUCK I BE SAYIN!!!"

An argument can go from 0-60 in no time when things get heated. Things get said...feelings are hurt...days go by...and now there's that awkwardness. What fixes arguments better than Dr. Phil and Iyanla? S-E-X! You're sorry and they're sorry, so, yall end all that with some sex! You remember what happened in Baby Boy: Yvette and Jody was yelling at each other in one scence, "I hate you...I hate you!", next scene... "Oh I love you! (insert moans and screams here)". Point being: arguments and sex go hand in hand...but does sex, ever truly solve anything? I'll get to that later...

"why have somebody lying with me every night/If they just gon be lying to me every night"

Shit ain't right...them long days gon turn into real awkward nights, trust me! Lying is one of the BIGGEST things we as people hate the most but tend to ignore or put on the back burner quite often when it comes to someone we love. Ya'll in bed talking and you ask your partner something that you KNOW they're gonna lie about but for some reason, you let it slide. If you're laying in the bed with a liar, not only is THAT person a liar, but it makes you an even bigger liar because: what was it that you told that person that you hated the most when ya'll first started talking? You hate, LIARS! "If there's one thing I despise the most: its liars!". I know what youre thinking, "well how am I a liar?" well,

1) you told that person you hate liars but you allow the lying to happen and check it half ass
2) how can you know a person is lying to your face and do not a damn thing about it?!? (that's like me robbing you with condom over a banana, and spray painting it black and saying...its a gun; sh** makes no sense!)
3) you're lying about how you feel! Oh, now y'all Eminem and Rihanna huh, you love the way they lie...f*** outta here! Lying to yourself about how you feel doesn't hurt that person, it hurts YOU ya dumbass!

You might be confused now, but I'll bring it together later...

"used to be lovers, now we, used to each other/keep accusing each other, of us, using the other/and what's crazy is, soon as you fall back they crawl back/saying they sorry and want it all back"

Shit ain't right...after awhile, you just become, used to each other. I put up with ya sh*t- because I love you. You come in late and don't say sh*t- because I've grown not to care. Oh, you don't care- well I don't care. After awhile, your partner becomes like, idk...your roommate and you only go to your roommate when you want/need something. That's when you begin to feel like you're being taken advantage of, used even and that's when, sh*t starts to hit the fan. You stop doing for that person, then you break up, and then it turns into, "this is my sorry fooorrr, 2000 (whatever) " or "I'm sorry babe, I, I just wanted to see if you would fight for me,"

Bruh!

***"titles ain't shit if the story don't match it/now you got a itch, looking for a way to scratch it/flirting online hoping shorty don't catch it"

I star this one because this is probably the biggest thing when it comes to "situationships": non-titled relationships. What this means is: you're with someone, you guys have sex, date, you've become friends, you know their friends, you've met the family, you post subliminal messages about each other on social networks, you've met the kids, basically, it's LIKE you're in a relationship but...neither one of you have decided on taking it to that next level. After awhile you'll want something after not wanting, kinda like the female who wants what you're eating, when her ass could've just ordered it her self. Never and I mean never should no male or female accept being in no, "oh i like you but I'm not looking for anything right now, just someone to kick it with and if things go to that level, ima wait for you to say it because that's not what I wanted in the first place and yes, we will have sex, but you can't be out here having me look stupid, f*cking other people, and if I love you, you have to love me the f*** back," kinda relationship. Why? Because if that person decides to, idk, entertain someone else, technically, you have no right to be mad (unless they blatantly lie to you about it). Now when you're in a relationship, at some point, you're gonna get that itch, and you're gonna wanna explore new options. Twitter, Instagram, and other social networking sites allow you to do just that but the problem with that is, now you gotta keep it on the down low like R. Kelly and don't get caught up, like R. Kelly, and get an asswhippin like, R. Kelly. Flirting online: is cool. Flirting online with the intention on doing something BEYOND just flirting: not cool. To be blunt as possible: stop allowing social networking sites to dictate how your relationship should look and stop allowing yourself to be in these situationships that only benefit you for the meantime; after 25 years old, it's about building into something greater than meaningless sex and matching Jordans...I'm thinking...marriage, kids, house, cars, joint accounts, relationship with the Lord, sex at basketball game.

"you tryna take back something you already said /that's like giving CPR to something already dead"
I'll be as frank as possible with this one: think before you speak because once those words leave out, maannn will, they, do, damage! Verbal abuse is so crazy in a relationship, like, it has the potential of f***ing someone up so bad for the next person and we as the abuser...don't even realize it. You can tell that person you adore them, love them, and all that mushy stuff but the moment, the very moment you say something that catches them off guard, that's totally left field, I mean something sooo hurtful; it's like everything you said PRIOR to that, has gone out the window. You ever burn a bridge and then realize...

how the f*** am I gonna get back across?!

You can't. I mean, you could, if and only if that person decides to send a boat (wants to make amends) and most times, they don't. Never burn a bridge before fully knowing if you're gonna need that same bridge to cross again in life. You know how hard it is to fully forgive someone who you love and trust so much after that same mouth that they just used to tell you they loved you with, rips you apart?!?! 

Bruh!

HOW I SEE IT IS...

*with regards to sex and arguments*
Sex after an argument is cool because that orgasm helps you relax but then what? You cum and those feelings that you have for that person a few minutes, hours, days, weeks ago are still there! Sex did nothing really if you take into consideration that in a few days or a week or so, you're still gonna argue about crap that already happened. My solution: thoroughly talk about what it is without yelling and over-talking. Don't cut each other off, don't dismiss, don't disregard what they're saying, and most importantly...listen AND hear where that person is coming from and think, before you speak.

*with regards to love, trust, & lying picture*
This is how we picture it:

I love you, so I trust you, and because I trust you, I expect you not to lie to me...

But, this is how it goes is:

I love you, I really do, but I don't trust you, so, I lie to you so you won't get(feel) hurt because of what I do(did) because I really do love you!

All of that sh*t is intertwined with each other...think about it.

Situationships my dear, don't work...ever! I say, have a face to face convo with your man and hash things out because if you don't, things will only get worse! Don't wait till its too late to realize that the person who's been riding with you for so long...will actually get out the car and help you fix that flat: let it marinate. Being with someone who is unsure of what you are and where you're going, isn't the person for you. If you need anymore advice, just let me know. Hopefully this song break down helped you.

@renaissance_brotha_

Thank Me Later, Take Care, Nothin Was The Same...

*The following content is for mature audiences only...viewer discretion is advised*

When it comes to sex…

Women, love, that, rough, sh*t! I mean, anything that will help the orgasm experience to be THAT much greater? Women are for it! Choking? During sex?! A win-win fellas. Now, I'm not saying choke the sh*t outta her like Ike did Tina...unless she's into that kinda thing, then, hey, do you but at least get a feel of what it is that she likes. I'm sure a lot of you men are reading this, struggle with "when and how to choke" but don't be alarmed; I'm here for you. So, grab a pen, some paper, and please, pay close attention…

*class is in session*

I am in no way shape or form some sort of sex-pert but I do know a little somethin somethin about what it is that females enjoy, when it comes to sex. First and foremost: women love dominance! Not just in how you carry yourself in the outside world but how that translates in the bedroom as well! They want a man who will take charge, sh*t, not just in the relationship but during sex as well! Submission! Women love to be submissive! Women don't want some ol' Harry Potter kinda dude, tellin them to take the d***! They want that 50 Shades of Grey kinda lovin! They wanna hear…

"Bend that ass over (slaps on ass)! Don't run, just take it!"

"I said touch me? Put your hands up there and don't move'em...matter fact, hold them legs!"

Not,

"What position you wanna do next?"
"Too fast babe, too fast I'm bout to cum...slow down."

#AintNobodyGotTimeForThat

There's an art into sex choking. First off, don't just grab the s*** outta her neck. Never should you just, grab her by the neck like she owe you money; be gentle, at first. Let me be the first to tell you: there's a big difference between coming across as being sexy and rough and coming across as a wrestler or a Lifetime movie rapist; don't rape the p***y my man. Don't rag doll the p****! A lot of you men get in the p**** and go ape sh*t right off the back and think that's that s*** that will satisfy her; wrong. You think just grabbing her by her neck and shoving your penis in her, it'll get her wet??? It won't, it'll hurt...or maybe she'll like it...point is: take it easy mon! Yes, you DO wanna grab her neck with your hand(s), BUT, while doing so, use your thumb AND your fingers and squeeze (do it from the side more so than the front because she'll end up choking if you press too hard). Now of course you can adjust depending on how she likes it, but don't go over the top right out the gate. If you're having a hard time deciding, read her body.

*a woman's body will tell you all you need to know other than her verbalizing it when, it comes to bedroom activities*

Women love that passionate sh*t but they also love that rough sh*t as well. Try kissing her and have one hand on her ass and the other around her neck. Or, you can have one hand around neck, and whisper some s*** in her ear like,

"You gon let me taste you right? Take them panties off..so you can feed me…"

I love doing that sh*t Women love that s***!
Once you've gotten how to choke her down pact, try moves like…

Grippin Grain:
Lay her down on her back. Whisper in her ear (I say this because it's good to paint a picture...women love pictures). Kiss her from her ears, to her neck, to her shoulders, to the middle of her chest, to her breast, to her nipples (spend a lil time there), down her stomach, and as your doing that, run your fingers around her clit and the inside of her lips, and crawl your fingers up her stomach to her nipples, fondle them, then up to her neck, and now you should be eating her...while choking her at the same time, but lightly. Its like, grippin the steering wheel: not too hard and not to light either. If you want: eat her out and keep one hand around her neck and the other on her breast or run your fingers around her mouth, let her suck on them. If you can't do that, try this…

The Ike;
Ladies (claps hands) love (claps hands) that (claps hands) rough (claps hands) s*** (claps hands, claps hands)! When is the last time you f***ed her against a wall? Probably never or in a real long time but no worries; Ike Turner her ass. Sometimes you just gotta grab her ass up, kiss her, and just f**k her like a porn star...women love to be porn stars for their men! Remember how Ike had Tina against the fish tank? Well, that was rape but what you wanna do is pin her ass up against a wall or turn her around and slide it in slow, kiss on her while you're doing it and...just stroke. I would say, stroke for a few minutes, with your hands placed around her waist (if it's from the back) or on her breast (if its from the front and she's at an angle). Now you increase the speed but I want you to go harder, this way, things can begin to intensify. Talk to her too,

"how does the d*** feel,"

"are you enjoying the d***,"

"oh, you like that huh,"

"who else you f***in,"

"I told you stop wit all those ass selfies on IG, didn't I...didn't I,"

"when you making that lasagna again,"

s*** like that. Now, gently wrap your hand around her neck and look in her eyes (it she's facing you) or have her look back at you, as you're stroking her deeper and deeper. If she cums, hell, tell her to lick it off your d***...make her choke on the d*** (another great form of choking).

*Arch Your Back, Point Your Toes:
I put a star next to this one because it's…pretty damn important.

You see how you had her laying down, while eating her out, and then you switched to having her against the wall…now you wanna bend her ass the f*** over…and go deep! Its all about - tran-si-tions. For this position: you wanna have her bend over, arch her back, and make sure you go down and taste it, before you slide in…real men eat it before they beat it Start off stroking at a normal speed. You wanna gradually build up your speed and make the strokes deeper and long and harder. 8/10, she'll be off in her own world thinking about me for Valentines Day how good it feels. Now, you wanna pick up the speed a lil more and grab her hair (if she has none or isn't a fan of it, bypass). As you're doing that, you can either:

A) slap her ass, at the same damn time
B) grip her by the waist, at the same damn time
C) play with her breast, at the same damn time

D) grab her by the shoulder and thrust harder

take you pick.

Whichever you decide, just make sure multiple actions are going on. Now, move your way from her hair to her neck. I say, grip by the waist and just f*** her harder...and harder...and harder, while applying some pressure around her neck. If you wanted them Jordans or to go to strip club and she was against it before, this would be the BEST time to ask,

You: "you gon get them Jordans right...right!?!"
Her: "oooooo, size 8, size 8! Yes baby, YES!"
You: "and, I'm, goin, to, the, CLUB, too (as you give it to her harder)!"
Her: "daddy do what you want! Take my car if you want, s***!"

The point is…give her that d*** like you playing for the NBA Championship; that LeBron James d***!

And last but not least,

Missionary Press:
F*** all that, letting her get a rest sh*t! You really wanna make her have an "outer body experience"? Tell her to switch positions and lay down on her back, eat her out for a few minutes, tease her, and then...slide in, gently. F*** her...and f*** her some more...f*** her harder, and in the midst of all this, put both hands around her neck. You don't wanna squeeze too tight just yet, you wanna ease your way into it. As you're grippin her neck, talk dirty to her (I'll let you decide upon what to say) and just start stroking harder and harder. Make sure to loosen the grip up here and there but make sure some pressure is around her neck...shuttin her ass up! If you want, hold one of her legs up to your shoulder and angle yourself inward, while maintaining the pressure on her neck. The thrusting from that d*** and the neck pressure - *yasssss*

Have her look at YOU while you f***ing her! Make her spread them legs and if she if she drop 'em, you go HARDER!

Fellas, the idea isn't to choke her every damn time you have sex, sex choking is reserved for when you have lil arguments or when you feeling extra frisky. She start to talking about what she seen on IG…you run up on her, and say,

"listen b****, take them panties the f*** off and bend over…wait, wait, lick this d*** first!"

Wanna show her you care, choke her. That timid sh*t is for the weak when it comes to sex. If you been giving her the D for a long time and eating it and she can't cum, you choking her MIGHT be the key to her going to that next level...

All in all, you need to give her that Drake album experience

Leave her So Far Gone, then tell her Thank Me Later and to Take Care, and I promise you…Nothin Was The Same!

@renaissance_brotha_

Genesis Rose

Gotcha!

First off, if I was having a child, you (meaning those of you that follow me on Instagram and other social networking sites) would KNOW! I mean, sh*t, I would post the woman I'm with and more than likely get a video or a pic of her throwing up, why? Because I can't WAIT to be a damn father but for now…

I'm just uncle Anfny.

So, to all those that unfollowed me but will still read this because you will be notified via email and the ones that texted, emailed, called, KiK, etc etc…

keep calm: I'm short, chocolate, and nobody want my ass and

I'm not having a child till I obtain my masters.

But, I digress

*class is in session*

One of the most greatest moments and probably most nerve wracking feelings we as men will ever experience in our lives, outside of marriage of course, is the moment she says, "babe…I'm pregnant!". On the flip side of that, now we have to deal with this bitch woman, who will take us thru more ups and downs and loopty loops than a damn roller coaster! That nine months, man, I'm sure it feels like 9 decades for some men! Ugh, not to mention all the food she gon eat, "babe, go get me ugggrraaghmm: Big Mac, with a large fry, a 10 piece nugget, 2 McChickens with bacon and extra Mac sauce, and a ginger ale…and don't forget the sweet and sour sauce bae!". Bruh! On a serious note, I think becoming a parent is one of the greatest experiences in the world! I remember being in the delivery room with my homegirl and her husband and just being able to experience the birth of her daughter and the months afterwards, being able to bond and watch her grow; incredible. It was at THAT point in time I KNEW I wanted to be a father. She would lay on my chest and just fall asleep so peacefully, I mean, i literally had to get into a habit of not allowing her to fall asleep. I watched her grow…I watched her laugh…I watched her cry…I watched her ride her first bike…I watched her potty train…I watched her slap her first ever "BF" when he threw her cookies into the lake on her birthday…I watched her lay in the hospital bed, helpless…I watched her die. My homegirl and her daughter was killed because of her abusive husband, For the life of me, I still can't get over it, but it's something I've come to terms with. She's the reason why I want a daughter.

I never wanted to be a father, partly because mine sucked so much, I mean hell, I didn't even want kids at all! I started working for this great organization by the name of City Year and it helped me change my perspective on wanting kids. I was able to HELP kids from the same community I grew up in as a child. Then, my brother called me and was like, "so, you're gonna be an uncle…make sure he gets Jordans.". My nephew came and it was literally one of the greatest feelings in the world! Then, years later, my sister calls and says, "hey lil big bro…you're gonna be an uncle again!" only to find out that, but of course…she was expecting a boy! When I tell you I prayed for her to have a girl, mannn, I was literally in church praying and all that b, it just didn't work.

I may not be the best uncle, but I love my nephews. I look at those lil boys and I see everything that life has to offer. I see that…they are the future. I see love, I see promise. 

I remember seeing a text like, "babe, I think I might be pregnant," and how happy I felt in that computer room at the school I was working in. I read that text for 20 mins straight…with my glasses…without my glasses…sh*t, I think I even cried a lil. Fast forward- she found out she most definitely was and then it turned into, "how we gon support this child?". I literally walked around for hours thinking of ways to support my future son and or daughter:

"Ima sell some d***!"

"Ima sell drugs AND di**!"

"Nah, ima become a stripper, THIS way, I can spend the mornings and afternoons with my seed!"

"Teacher?! Yea…I think ima do that!"

So, in the midst of all that, I figured out that I did want to teach and that having children…was gonna be a hard task!

We…we literally talked for hours and landed on that not having the baby, was the right thing to do; saddest moment (one of them) in my life. I loved Re…I loved my ex, she would've made a great mother but unfortunately things didn't pan out. 

I see a lot of my friends and family having kids and getting married and all that and I'm happy but a part of me wants that, as a man…I want that. After becoming an uncle to two boys, I knew a daughter was what I was gonna end up with somewhere down the line. I saw that happening with my last GF. We always talked about baby names and how we would raise our children and a lot of that sounded good, but, she's there and…I'm here. A lot of men won't tell you that they can see themselves spending the night with a woman let alone their entire life, but I saw my life with her. All the p****, all the THOTs, all the money, all the clothes, all the Instagram likes, all the degrees, won't keep you warm at night as a man. You get older and realize…I really am gonna need someone to spend my life with. 

Having a boy would've been easy work,  but a girl…that would be a challenge! First BF, first heartbreak, first school dance, first time having sex, college, drugs, sports, to suck d*** or not to suck d***, what would I do if she liked females instead of men, I mean, that list goes on and on and on. I never had the the opportunity to be a big brother, mainly because my sister and I have the same mother but different fathers and that was just an issue altogether and by the time I was able to be a big brother…she was taller than me and a damn teenager. I know how ima raise my daughter:

First off, I'm not even sure I want the mother to be involved! A lot of you might laugh at that and say I'm wrong but I'm dead ass lol. Daddy's Girl w/ Gab Union and Idris: the best example of what life would be like for me…minus all that drama and hardships. I want Tyler Perry to produce that sh*t b, so Tyler, if you're reading this, holla at me bro! But seriously, I want to be everything my father wasn't and my mother couldn't be because of her passing away so young. Be at the games cheering…be the shoulder she cries on and the driver and assassin when lil Johnny breaks her heart…the one who picks her up when she falls off the bike…the one who combs her hair and gives her crazy ass ponytails…the one she confines in and puts her trust in…the one she loves more than anything and anybody in the world. She would be sassy, but smart. Humble, but will "turn it the f*** up when sh*t get crazyyyy!". Cultured, understanding, loving, caring, all that Hallmark sh*t, but will know that life isn't always blue skies, green grass, and sunny days; sh*t can get Flavor Flav ugly in a heartbeat! Most importantly: she would want for nothing!

The name Genesis, to me at least, it just sounds refreshing, calming and just so happens to mean "beginning". We all want that "new beginning" or to start over and in my head, having a child allows us to get a second chance on life, in a sense. It's also the name of the housing complex I grew up in, in Brooklyn and the last days where my mother spent her life. Rose is my mother's middle name and I felt like Velda (my mother's first name) was old as sh*t to be naming a child in 20-whatever. You combine the two and BAM: Genesis Rose.

I pray I'm a good father. I pray my daughter loves me unconditionally. I pray she never has to experience struggle in her life. I pray I live to have a daughter. I pray I am closer to God when I have my daughter. I pray I find a woman who will accept me, understand me for the man I am…and is willing to spend forever and a day with me. I pray my daughter never loves a man like I once was…

@renaissance_brotha_

Make It Nasty

*Warning: the following content is intended for MATURE audiences only*

*Viewers discretion is advised* 

It's almost 2014 and men are STILL acting like pleasuring a woman down below is the equivalent to catching cooties! Fellas, I understand you don't want to be clowned by your homeboys but what you really don't want is one OF your homeboys doing some sh*t you ain't have the time for: e.g. eating your woman out. If you think, RIGHT NOW, some dude on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram, ain't pressuring your woman, to let him come over or vice versa, so he can watch Redbox movies eat your woman's vagina...you are sadly mistaken.

Maybe it's because you still ain't learn from Eat One, Teach One, pt. 1 or maybe it's because you're stuck on stupid or maybe it's because you're more concerned with your NBA/NFL fantasy team, to even bother with going down town and sending your woman to work happier than a kid on Christmas! Whatever your rationale is, I assure you, THIS piece right here, will help you out come sex time...period.

*class is in session*

The idea of part 2 is to make sure you as man, do everything in your powers, to insure a night/morning/afternoon of pure bliss...

and just be a down right freak!!!

Listen, if you're a family member or anything else along those lines...cut your loses now, stop reading, and get ready for Scandal

...because I'm bout to say some sh*t, that'll f*** your perception of me.

Eat It From The Back:

A lot of men are afraid to eat it from the back because the anus is pretty much RIGHT, THERE! Listen, if you're an adult, you should KNOW where that hole is; so don't get behind her and lick all crazy or 8/10 your tongue WILL enter that hole. There isn't a woman alive who doesn't like her p**** ate from the back! Here's what you do fellas: have her come over to you and say some sh*t like, "damn babe, your butt looks bigger (smaller), what you been doing?". This will prompt her to turn around and have her ass in your face. Now, unless she's on her period, I say, just do some sneak sh*t like, idk, start pulling down her- whatever she's wearing and start kissing her ass...men like kissing ass. Bend her over, gently, and if she's wearing panties, pull them suckas to the side, if not, just stick your tongue in, slowwwly. The spontaneity mixed with the pleasure will not only have have her wet, but, cummin' like crazy! Tell her to look back at you while you're eating it...women love lookin' back at it. Your goal is to make sure your sucking on those lips and licking that clit, like it's a cup or pudding or jell-o or whatever it is, that you like.

Let Her Ride Your Face:

This is my personal favorite, why? Because there's nothing like a woman who THINKS she's in control when in reality...she isn't. Some men don't like this sh*t but will two-step they ass out the shower and Electric Slide their penis, into the mouth of their sleeping partner. Aside from rocking a beard; a woman's vagina is one of the sexiest things a man could have on his face. Y'all chillen', layin' around and she get that "itch", don't go down to her, tell her to come up to you! Whisper in her ear, "bae, put that p****, on my face! (Kevin Hart voice)". You know how quick she'll hop on your face? The goal is to make sure she's relaxed, why? Because if she's stiff, her weight will f*** things up and if you thought Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown ass ain't no know how to breathe with no air...yo ass will surely soon find out! Take your time tho. Grab her ass, palm it, smack it, grab her breast, hell, rub your fingers over her wetness, dip'em in your mouth, and play with her nipples, while grabbing on her ass, while eating her out, AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! Your goal is to make her cum so you can slurp all them juices out and if that don't work...

Use a Toy:

Some of you dudes will read this and think, "yo that's gay!". Everything ain't for everybody, I understand that. I also understand that, sometimes, you gotta do a lil' extra and be willing to spice sh*t up. You know how that white guy was looking for something to make his "party pop off" in that Beats Blue Pill commercial? Same applies to sex: use one of her toys (or suggest that she buy one), so that y'all "party" pops off! You can use a dildo, rabbit, or a vibrator to help assist you eat the p****, pick your poison. I'm not telling you to use this as a crutch nor am I suggesting you use one on every girl your encounter (unless they all happen to like that s***) nor am I suggesting that YOU BUY ONE but if you have a long time GF or you're married, I say: fu** it, throw ambition to the wind and get it poppin! If you use a vibrator for instance: allow the vibrator to stimulate her clit, while your tongue, works her insides. A dildo can be used to penetrate her WHILE you work on her clit. Lastly, a rabbit...a rabbit usually has dual capabilities, so, the two of you (toy and tongue) can switch off periodically. Hell, you can even let her suck on the dildo, if you want or "toss her salad" and let the dildo penetrate her vagina and speaking of "tossin her salad"...

Lamborghini Her Doors:

You know how the doors go up on a Lamborghini, that's how her legs should go up when you're tossing her salad. I know y'all like, "whaaatttt!?!?" but let me tell you:

she (claps hands) will (claps hands) go (claps hands) f***in (claps hands) crazy (claps hands) when you stick (claps hands) your (claps hands) tongue (claps hands) in her ass!

It's not for everybody, I understand that. Some women enjoy it, not all the time...but they enjoy it. Before you even consider doing it men:

MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS CLEAN!

(same goes for the kitty cat)

I'm not an ass eating specialist but I know if you start eating her out and wet your index finger up and slide it in her "tunnel of love" and then roll your tongue upwards and then use two other fingers to pleasure her...s**t will get real!

Get on Your Knees:

"You got a job, you got degrees/but so wat playa, get on yo kneeeess!" (In my Khia voice...you know, the chick from "My Neck, My Back").

Ima keep it alll the way real on this one: when you're on your knees and she's just looking at you, look her dead in the eye and keep doing what you're doing! Women love to have a submissive (and aggressive) guy when it comes down to sex. The submissiveness comes from you being on your knees, giving her all your attention. The aggressiveness comes from when your eating her and talking sh*t to her at the same time,

"You like that shit right?!"

"Hold dem legs, HOLD DEM LEGS!"

"Put ya hand on the back of my head!"

"Push me deeper in that s***!"

You know, shit like that. Women like when you take charge fellas. The goal is to make her cum to the point where her legs shake and she's just cursing you out,

"You ain't shit, you know that!! I was suppose to go out to the club!"

Oh no b****, you ain't goin nowhere!

Not all men are into eating p**** but to the ones who are; I salute you! Now that I think about it, some of you dudes need to read this one and part 1 because you might THINK you're doing something...but you're not. If you expect a woman to put her mouth...on and or around your penis, you should most definitely, put your tongue and lips...in and or around her vagina. The key is to keep her thinking, "is he going suck for x amount mins? Is he gonna lick my clit in circles or up and down?". Keep her on her toes! Use them fingers and spread them lips apart while you let her suck on your other fingers. Suck on her clit, but not too hard. Mix up your licking speeds. Nibble on her clit as well, but make sure you don't Vampire Diaries/True Blood her p****! Make, love, to, her, vagina, fellas; she'll appreciate it, as well as her vagina. Pin her ass on the bed and put her legs back and start from her naval and work your way down...

Never mind.

@renaissance_brotha_

On Instagram STILL Flexxxin, pt. 2

If you thought the last one was offensive...just wait till you read this one!

*class is in session*

I advise you (if you haven't already done so) to go read "On Instagram Straight Flexxxin" before you even consider reading this piece, THIS way...you can keep up a very high level of laughter.

Ladies, it's almost the end of the year and since the last time we met the f***ery level was high but not, the f***ery level is at an all TIME high and I ain't happy. So, with THAT being said,

Let's begin shall we

"#LostFootage, #LateUpload, #OldToMeNewToYou" Pic:
Seeing these hashtags make my balls itch. Lost footage? That sh*t been in your phone since last-damn-week and you ain't wanna upload it after ladies night for whatever reason and now we have to be subjected to this f***ery?! Spare me.

*whiny female voice*
"#LostFootage from ladies night (insert emojis). We was too turnt uuup!"

Ughh, I wish your phone turnt up missing! All you gon do is add a filter on that s*** and either

A) keep it up, if it gets over 20+ likes in 5 minutes or
B) delete it, if it doesnt

Also, the #OldToMeNewToYou and #LateUpload hashtag/pic, #KillThatSh_tLadies. Keep that old pic in your phone! You looked like Miley Cyrus for Halloween and you wanna post it now? B****, Halloween was last damn month! You're better off posting a pic from Thanksgiving!

"Nipps & Cleav" Pic:
Allow me to play good cop/bad cop here for a min: YES, I love women and their assets, especially a woman with some nice ass nipple rings but what I don't like is (and I'm sure Chief Keef will agree with me on this)...

women who DO IT and get mad at the attention it garners!

YES, you're gonna get attention from dudes (and women who swing that way) whenever you post a pic like that. YES, you're "thirst trappin" and YES, men WILL be on one of your old pics, asking if you're single and leaving everything from a thematic essay to a number, pager, or P.O. box info on it. If you don't like the "thirst" that comes along with posting a pic like,

"my lips look on POINT!"
but
*all I see is the breast, all I, all I see is breast* (Rih Rih voice)*

put a halt on that: nipple (ring) pressed hard against the wife beater/t-shirt, cleavage looking like two scoops of skin toned ice cream pic then. Always remember ladies: if you trap them...the thirst will come!

"The Selfie" Pic:
This selfie overload s*** has become a lil' too much. I know it's only Instagram and the following will totally contradict the prior of what I JUST said but a selfie every other post is annoying! Selfie in the car, selfie on the toilet, selfie at church, selfie in class, selfie on the plane, selfie at work, selfie when you're bored, selfie when you're bored at work or school, selfie while you're drinking, selfie when you're performing oral, selfie in the shower, selfie in that dirty ass mirror that ain't been clean since Obama first took office, selfie from when you graduated pre-k, selfie at your grandmother's funeral, selfie at the doctor's office, selfie when your "him" doesn't call/text/double tap/email/FaceTime you, sel...you get my point. I enjoy a good selfie just as much as the next self absorbed IG account holder but selfie addiction is no laughing matter. Addiction to selfies can f*** up your friends, your HEALTH, and scary enough, your money...it's a disease ladies.


YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY A PAGE FULL OF SELFIES LOOK!








"WCW for today is...me, duuh!" Pic:
For those who are out of the loop and don't know what WCW stands for and the significance of it (or lack thereof), allow me to be a jackass help you out, just a lil:

WC/WCW = woman crush/woman crush Wednesday.
Significance: to highlight a woman who is a crush, of importance in your life, or hell, even your bestie, e.g. Halle Berry, @eyes2pretti2cry__, or your mom.

B****, we already get a thousand selfies of you a day and now on Wednesdays I gotta see recycled pics of you as your OWN woman crush!!! F*** outta here with that Dorian Gray s***!

*pic of self*
"Of COURSE I'm my own WCW...duuh! With school, work, dating, bills, weave rotations, cooking, #TURNINUPPPPP, being blessed n not chasing NO MAN, WCW belongs to me (insert kissy face emojis)."

Listen, ima tell you what other dudes think when they see this s***; sh*t is wack b and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I understand you're a woman who works hard but, I thought the purpose of the day was to highlight a crush, not yourself...but I could be wrong.

Videos:
Ever since Instagram gave us the option to upload a 15 second video of whateverness...sh*t has been crazy! Ima fan of the twerk videos, hell, ima man, but the annoying ass females who can't twerk depress my penis something awful! I click on the video to see ass bouncing and I see nothing but headdddd, shoulders, knees and bones, (knees and bones) moving! Or the females who believe its cool to drive and record a video like car crashes aren't real! B****, save your singing for the shower and spare us the fact that you're sitting in traffic. Oh, ohhhhh, and let me not forget about the ones who start the video with, "hiii Instagram!!" anytime you hear that s***, you KNOW the video is about to be about bull AND s***! And lastly, let me not leave out the ones who post videos of themselves duck lippin, play in their hair, showing us mad different angles, but...not, saying, a, f***in word! Half of you ladies will read this and be like "sooo, I love postin videos, I'll never let it go!". Give us a break, looking like a damn mime n's***! Post a video of you taking a test, getting some work done, or cleaning your mirror that you utilize for every damn full body selfie.

And speaking of mirrors...

"Bathroom & Dressing room" Pic:
"Quick bathroom flick...women love bathroom flicks!". No they don't, well, sh*t, I hope not. To all you ladies taking bathroom & fitting room pics, answer these right quick:

• are you actually trying on anything?
• if you are, are you actually buying the item(s) or anything else from that store?
• do you feel weird knowing you're taking a bunch of damn pics & not purchasing a damn thing?!
• do you use the bathroom before or after you take like 10+ pics to post before you actually get it right?
• if you use the bathroom...do you wash your hands before taking the pic?
• when deciding on takin a bathroom pic: do you wait for it to clear it out or do you wait until someone JUST gets into the stall?
• do you take these pics b/c their mirror is cleaner there, vs. your house?

If you answered yes to 80% of the questions, I'm sorry to inform you but: you're a THOT! Urbandictionary what a THOT is, if you are unfamiliar.

You SEE how clean that mirror is ladies...you wish yours was that damn clean on a GREAT day!












"Ughh, he so thirsty" Pic:
The world we live in where any female will waste their energy and time on posting exposing, men/n*ggas because they give them a compliment on an old pic, via Twitter DM, FB inbox,thru text, or wherever, when its TOO much. Now, I will admit, some guys do go way over the top with their s*** like below for instance,











THIS is the sh*t females get and I hate it because now I can't text nothing close to this, without having to be put in a damn "thirst" category. But the ones who just say simple things or who have actually found a genuine interest in you based off of what you post, always seem to be the ones getting put "on that Summer Jam screen" (a point in Hip Hop history, when JayZ exposed Prodigy from Mobb Deep). YES, some dudes need to check themselves into the nearest Thirst Clinic, ASAP, but every dude who gives a compliment isn't thirsty. To me, there's a difference between having an interest in someone vs. being thirsty but that's a different blog in itself. Ladies, you don't need to post the convo from when sh** turned left between you and @TheRealMoetDon and totally leave out the fact that you were damn near begging him to take you out to dinner and lustin' for his d***! We get it, dudes like you, you're pretty, dudes are thirsty, and a government shutdown is right around the corner a-GAIN; who gives a f***! Just imagine if dudes started doing that...hmmmm.

"Collage" Pics:
I'm tired of seeing the collages with 3 pics and two of them are the SAME exact ones, just flipped around or some sh**.

"Imagine if there were 3 of me!?!? #TripleTrouble."

I don't even like the idea of 1 of you let alone two more. I also have grown to despise the fact that sometimes, one of the pics will be small, appearing that is further away, and it just gets closer and closer and closer in each box of the collage; it's like in the scary movie and you know the killer is RIGHT behind the white girl because her dumb ass just stopped running and the music stopped and BA-BAM B****...you're dead! Why not use different pics? Or the ones with like 5 different boxes: 2 of the boxes have the same pic, 2 others have different filters, and 1 is flipped...I'm sorry but Jesus needs to flag every pic on your page.

"Zamnnnn, I need my p**** worked baaddd!" Pic:
Ok, ok we get it b****, you want your p**** ate and some d*** to wash away the pain your vagina feels from being lonely but every other post tho?! Come on! I love sex, don't get me wrong and that's the reason why my last account got deleted but females need to realize the attention they'll receive when they constantly post s*** like,

Dudes will flood your old pics with questions galore about your relationship status and why #NoNewFriends need not apply to them! If a dude could leave you his house key under your pic, tuuh, he would! I love you ladies but: you (claps hands) can't (claps hands) post (claps hands) lusty (claps hands) s*** and (claps hands) (claps hands) expect (claps hands) men (claps hands) not (claps hands) to (claps hands) lust (claps hands) you dumbass! Men see this and we're not thinking, "oh, *like*" and that's it. We're thinking, *like" along with some freak ***t we wanna NOW do to you, even tho you're the daughter of pastor...nvm. 24 hours in a day and you spend it posting about sex and you wonder why you can't get attention outside of a hard di**...

Now, in closing ladies...just cut the sh**! This of course was merely a joke, a piece for entertainment if you will, but you know what they say about jokes, so...yea. If I have offended you, I'm sorry, just think about what I DIDN'T say...

@renaissance_brotha_

Nutty As Squirrel Sh*t

Her: "I'm not crazy (insert creepy laugh) I just don't take no sh*t!"
Me: *side-eye*
Her: "Why you look at me like that? You think I'm crazy? I won't get offended if you do...do you?"
Me: "Anybody that laughs after they say they're NO..."
Her: *shakes head* "But you don't even know me like that! This is our first date!"
Me: "You didn't even let me finish tho!"
Her: "You didn't have to! Don't worry, because you won't be gettin no more text from me you bastard! The sex would've been great too...guess you'll never know huh."
*gets up and walks out*
Me: "But I only asked if you wanted a bottle of wine!"

When I tell you I literally asked, "would you like a bottle of wine?" and she literally went left field...heavens!

*class is in session*

I like women. I like women on dates, I like them in a library. I like them at the grocery store, I like them in a church praising the lord. I like dating. I like the fact that you get an opportunity to enjoy the company of a nice woman, indulge in stimulating conversation, but more importantly, you get to eat (I love eating)! What I don't like is:

• bad service
• late arrivals
• cold food
• women who know they're crazy but hide that sh*t very well via FaceTime, text, and phone calls.

Bit*h, if you know you crazy, you might wanna tell me that before I order the steak and shrimp with extra mash so I can end the date on yo crazy ass!

I despise crazy women like New York Knicks fans despise LeBron James and the Miami Heat! When I say crazy, I mean: show up to your job, with her homegirl and her crying ass baby in the back, after not receiving a text from you in 4 1/2 hours because I'm ACTUALLY doing work, and been too busy to respond, "ok," to some sh*t that is completely irrelevant...ready to stab me up.

Listen, I know getting to know a woman is great and all especially if you can see yourself being with her for forever and a day, BUT, we as men have to STOP ignoring the signs! If Jesus shows up in one of your dreams like, "Bro, leave that b**** Tammy alone! My pops created her in his light but her ass...will have you under the investigators light confessing like you on the First 48 about where you put her body!"

DON'T IGNORE JESUS! You block CRAZY women on your phone, not the blessings of the lord!

So fellas, here's some sh*t you might wanna keep in mind when you decide your next partner...

good lookin + own job/car/crib x sketchy personality = single:
Im not saying that (all) good lookin' women are the crazy...ok, yes I am! Halle Berry: crazy. (RIP) Left Eye: was crazy! Angela Bassett in Waiting To Exhale: I mean, sure, her husband left her for some snow bunny , but you SEEN what she did to that car? Crazy! Lorena Bobbitt: cut her husband's penis off starting at the baaasee! Fellas: she might be thicka than a bible with a face like a young Halle, but if you notice she laughs in the middle of an argument after yelling for a combined total of 33-damn minutes or hits you up over and over and over whenever you stop talking for an hour or so; don't ignore that! She's the one that will post some subliminal sh*t on one of these social networks about you, not even knowing you were sleep the whole time or show up to your house on some, "so who is she?". Once you've gotten the chance to get to know her and you notice she might look better in a straight jacket-chuck, chuck up the deuces!

crazy women have the best p****:
They sure do and on top of all that, a good amount are as single as a counterfeit bill, in a stripper's ass at your local strip club. She might have you show up to church with a condom on JUST so y'all can f*ck after service because her sh*t is that good; she'll also bust the windows out ya car quicker than Jazmine Sullivan the moment you don't throw the d*ck her way or the moment she thinks you're cheating. I know what you're thinking, "why would I stop messing with her, if her sex is great?". Because you like living right? Ok, good. That show Snapped is very real! We as dudes have to stop continuing these sexual activities with women who we perceive as crazy...and then get mad when we find our car on four flats, after telling her, "I don't see this going anywhere outside of the sex.". Before you even think about f***in, simply ask her, "you crazy or nah?".

"WHO YOU TALKIN TO LIKE THAT ANTHONY!?!
(insert laugh)
YOU THINK THIS SHIT IS A GAME? I GOT YOU!":
Any grown ass women who laughs in the middle of an argument, to me, is certified crazy! Why are you laughing? Did I fart? Women usually go from sane to crazy in the blink of an eye:

1. "I told you to stop talking to her, didn't I?! So that means, yo ass don't respect me nor this relationship/marriage huh."
2. gets closer to you, still talking in the same tone, just a little more aggression.
3. *starts to put her index finger in your face, touching your forehead and/or nose*
4. "I (claps hands) DON'T (claps hands) CARE (claps hands) IF (claps hands) Y'ALL (claps hands) DID (claps hands) BOOK (claps hands) REPORTS (claps hands) TOGETHER! YOU (claps hands) DON'T (claps hands) TALK (claps hands) TO HER (claps hands) (claps hands)!".
5. (insert weird ass laugh)
6. *clams down*
7. Lastly, wild ass threat or ultimatum.

If she laughs while the two of you are arguing; she's about to turn it the f*ck up!

"...so who is she?":
Females have a tendency to be catty for no damn reason or for childish ones, take your pick. The only females she likes are her "ride or dies", "day 1s", besties, family members, and her nail/hair salon lady...and half the time, she don't even like them b****es! A woman will question you about the server at Denny's if you stare too long,

waitress: "Ok, so I'll be right back with your drinks and I'll go put that order in."
you: "Thank you."
her: "Oh, so you know her or something? I mean, tuuh, the way you was lookin her up and down, what, she was, serving you the p**** too?!"

Sometimes guys can go a lil' overboard with checking a female out but the ones who don't, will STILL be subjected to an integration. Every time she comes to you or sends you a screenshot about some chick that likes your pics and always leaves comments, it's like that baby that always cries during Sunday service and the mother who does sh*t about it; it's annoying! Men don't know everybody who they follow and respond to ladies! Should I question your non-celebrity #ManCrush every Monday on Instagram? Didn't think so.

kinda-sorta-maybe-ex boyfriend:
If she gives you some reason for still entertaining one of her ex BF's and they DON'T have a child together but she calls him all types of bad names, she's either: still f***'in him, has hope for the two of them in a future, or she's tryna make you jealous. Yes, you can still be friends with your ex. I mean, I would hope you guys started out as friends and then made that transition into a relationship but there's no room for her to still be entertaining him, while she's tryna build with you. How it reads is: yeah, I like you but I still kinda like my ex who drove me to you. Bit**, you wanna be petty, take yo petty ass back to him n'shit.

shaves her head bald:
Cassie looks amazing with the half shaved head and half long hair...or maybe it's because I like half&half drinks; who knows. What I do know is that a woman who decides to shave her damn head bald better be in her 40s going natural because if you're 20 something, either:

A) some dude did something to her which lead her to doing that (e.g. Brittney Spears)
B) she's f***ed up mentally (e.g. Amanda Bynes)
C) she got gum stuck deep within her hair
D) she's about to study and become a monk.

Yes, it might look sexy on Cassie or if you're a model but come on, shaving your head is a cry for help! Amanda Bynes went from "thatsss me!" to piercing her dimples like a stripper by the name of Black Chyna, lusting for Drake, and shaving half her damn head, looking like a powdered damn Dunkin' Donuts munchkin! Stay clear homies.

"that's why your mother is dead bitch!":
I remember hearing this come outta my brother's baby mama's mouth around the time my sister was prego and all I remember is my sister about to hop out the car and whip her ass. This all happened because we wanted to take my nephew to Chuck-e-Cheese. If a woman can fix her lips to say some crazy personal sh*t against you...clearly she needs Jesus, a shot of Jack, and a shot to the head!

Ok, I'm joking on that last one

But that's not the type of woman that you need in your life. I will say this: if she can demean you in a manner that is suppose to be sacred between the two of you, then that says a lot about the person than what was said.

more importantly fellas...

stay clear:
I don't care if you have to change your name on all social networks, move, change your numbers/email, all of that; if the sh*t gotta be done, the sh*t gotta be done! Take yo ass to church, read your bible, build a stronger connection with Jesus if you have to. Continuing to deal with someone who is crazy all because you think it will pan itself out after the 58th argument is illogical. You either cut her loose or find yourself at some bar, buying drinks, gettin drunk, and coming back to your place on fire all because you ain't answer that "I'm talkin to you, I don't like to be ignored, you wouldn't like me when I'm ignored," text.

Now I know a lot you ladies are gonna respond with, "well, don't blame us for being crazy! Men do all this sh*t to us and then wanna say we're crazy like they aren't the reason why! Maybe the men need to look at themselves!". Yes, it's not a one party blame but if Chris Brown said his reason for allegedly beating on Rhi Rhi was because she drove him crazy, so his only defense was to practice his karate moves on her...how incredibly stupid would that sound!!! "Y'all mad at me but she provoked me to beat her up. She needs to check herself and hat forehead...make sure y'all check out my new album too coming out." (Chris Brown voice). Last time I checked, people are in total control of their own actions and using a copout excuse like, "he made me this way," is idiotic and senseless, so, to you ladies, I say; save ya sh*t for the bathroom toilet. Men shouldn't further deal with a woman who is notably bat sh*t crazy and try to justify her actions as being rationale just to get the sex. If she's crazy...

Let her be crazy and alone somewhere far, far away where Shrek and Donkey saved Princess Fiona from that dragon.

@renaissance_brotha_